My Wife Won't Have Sex With Me...Ever!

This week, we have two listener questions to discuss.

First up, a man writes in that his wife refuses to have sex with him and he is considering turning to someone else to satisfy that need.

Next, we hear from a woman who does not feel like she is respected by her family and friends because she is a stay-at-home mom.

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Tim McGinnis
Nicky McGinnis

Transcript

Welcome to the Besties in Bed podcast with Tim and Nicky, a married couple chatting about their adventures in life and marriage. Please be advised that our bed is not always work or kid friendly, but we'll leave that decision up to you.

Welcome to Besties in Bed. Best in Bed. I'm Tim. And I'm Nicky. And we are back for another exciting episode. I think this is episode 25. No way. Episode 25. So you've got me in these headphones that many times. Wow. Okay. Impressive . Well, I, I, I, I, I have, I have my influence. Yeah, I mean, you've gotten me other things before too, but you know, anyways.

do tell. Yeah. All right. So what do you have on the doc for today? Well, we have two listener questions. One is a trigger point for you. Oh. Just going ahead and, and forewarning you on that. Oh, great. Yes. Trigger warning. Oh, man. So we rearranged the, uh, the, the, the, the, the, the setup of the living room.

Yesterday, uh, we, we moved our TV wall, mounted it to get rid of this old God awful, God awful TV stand from the 1940s probably , no, in, in 1940s it would've looked cute, cute. 1940s it would've looked cute, but the, it's what, it's, it almost seems like the 1970s, but it's really not. It was like 19. It was in. It was in the two thousands.

Well, anyway, I mean, but it's like a glass black glass top Woodside, like dark wood. Oh gosh. It's horrible. Yeah, it was bad. And so we ordered a, a wall mount TV stand and we, we got here, it came in and we realized it is the wrong thing. We have different sized studs than what's this designed for? So last. At 10 o'clock, Nicky goes to Walmart with me.

I was gonna say, I did not go to Walmart by myself. You're like, you act like Nicky went to Walmart with me. Yeah, I know. No, no, no. You gotta add that we went to Walmart thing because Nicky here does not go to Walmart. I don't pump gas and I don't go to Walmart. This is like my two things. Well, actually this weekend you did both.

I know what the heck is going on. The world's coming to an end. So we did find what we need at Walmart for cheap. Of course we came home last night at 11 o'clock, 1130. I started wall mounting this tv, waking up the neighborhood. You Mount Tina  . Well, you know, it won't be the first time. No. Uh, I think you left a screw in the wall too.

Like I screw it. So anyway, let's go ahead and get into question one. All right. Let's go. All right, question one. Is this a trigger one or not the trigger one? No. Okay. I'm, I'm saving that one. Oh, okay. We're gonna start out easy. So, question one, and I'm, I realized after editing last week, I, I didn't read the whole question and I think that kind of leaves some detail out.

So from now on, I'm just gonna go ahead and read.  the questions as I get 'em. So you mean you didn't like all the questions I asked back about the question because I ask a lot of questions, so now you're trying to cut those out. No, I think I was doing a disservice to the, the listener that wrote in. Oh, okay.

By not. Okay. You know, but by not including all of the detail that that person chose to include, include. Well, I mean, I was asked a lot of questions and I tend to ask a lot of questions. So both, both of these came through, uh, Instagram dms, so. Okay. You know, they're not overly long. Oh, okay. Good. Good, good.

Question. One is, I have a problem. My wife will not have sex with me. This, it has been a couple years, at least since we have had sex. I'm not sure what to do. Masturbation is just not the same. I'm thinking about cheating just to satisfy that need to be with a woman physically. Everything else in the relationship is great.

Is this normal ? Well, it's definitely not normal. Wow. That is a, that's a tough one. Yeah. I. , you know, that was the, the entire question. So I'm not sure if there's some physical altercations. No, not physical altercations. Like if there's something physically that's preventing the wife from, kinda like how enjoying sex.

Like I had any replacement. So certain positions are not enjoyable. Right. But I don't know if she's, she could be like a woman Lee thing too. Yeah, she, I don't know if she's feeling pain if she's just not attracted to the guy. Well, I mean this kind of goes, it kind of sounds like they're roommates right at this point.

I mean, like they get along as roommates. It was a marriage, sex is included. I mean, like, yeah. It's, it's a, it's a, it's part of it because that builds that strong bond and relationship. So to me, personally, it needs to be an open conversation with his wife saying, Hey, you know, this has really been bothering me.

I need to have this conversation with you. I know this is gonna be a tough one for. Blah, blah, blah. But I mean, if you, everything else is great, then this needs to come up to figure out as to why, and then, you know, say, Hey, I mean I have needs, but I don't want to, you know, break my commitment to you. I don't want to do these things, but I'm having these urges and I need to talk this out with you so that we can figure out a solution so that we don't fall down a path that we can't come back.

I agree. It needs to be a discussion if it has not already. Um, phy, you know, sex is a, it's a need, it's a human need. Yeah. And it's physical as there's a connection. There's the emotion with it. It's everything. Right. You know, as far as breaking the vow, I would argue that she has already broken the valve because that is part of, of, of your marriage.

That's part of a relationship. And if she's flat out refusing for two years, I mean, does it, did it say she flat out refuses or did it say she just hasn't or just hasn't been in the mood? Like what, what's, what's the, well, it says my wife will not have sex with me ever. , it has been a couple of years, at least since we have had sex.

Will not ever, I wonder why will not. That's a conversation that he needs to find out. Why will not? I'm, I, I might, I'm gonna go ahead and express a, probably an unpopular opinion, but I don't know. I would say under, based on this limited, what I have here, I, I would say, You know, if it's a need and he's not getting it from her, he needs to get it elsewhere.

Oh my gosh, no. He needs to have the conversation with his wife before he goes and gets it elsewhere. Well, that's, that's step one. Yeah. And she may be fine with that if she, I mean, if she has to recognize that that is a physical need. Correct. And if she has a problem with it. Then, yeah, I would not throw it back at her, but kind of turn it like, well, you know, this is, this is not what I signed up for.

Like I didn't sign up for no sex or sobriety. What's the word? Not sobriety. That would be soberness, right? Yeah, but what's the celibacy? Celibacy. Yeah, CEL. There you go. I'm not gonna say that again, but that I didn't sign up for that when I got married. Like that wasn't part of the deal. No. I mean, I wonder how sex was before they got married.

I'm assuming since it's. , you know, it's been a couple y I don't know. I would assume it would, was trying to reel 'em in. She was probably giving it up all road head going down the, let's go to the movie. You know. No girls don't do that to reel somebody in. Girls don't rule, do road head. No. I'm saying girls don't like, oh, I'm gonna have sex constantly so I can reel them in.

And then when I, we get married, ugh, let's put on the brakes. Stop. No. Such a lot of 'em do it with blowjob. But I'm saying that's not the intent, that the girl goes into it. Now, I mean, a girl may go into intent, intent with marriage for money, don't get me wrong on that one. But like as far as sex, they don't go in their head and go, oh yeah, I'm gonna give all the sex I can right now, blow jobs, everything.

I'm gonna give it out. Oh yeah, I'm good. And then go put on the brakes like that. That's not what goes through girls' heads. We don't think that far. I mean, no, I mean, . I don't know now for money, like we might be going, Hmm, okay, he got money. That's a whole different story. Get married. Ooh, I'ma have money. I mean that's, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Sex. That's not something. So I would say open conversation. I mean, that is what a marriage is all about, is conversation. Conversation and conversation. I mean, and and sex communication. Communication. Communication. Like you have to communi sex, sex, sex. Sex is communicating sex and communication. I'm sorry.

I guess it can be, we are communicating when we have sex. It is part of it. That's not all we're doing, . No, but I'm saying it, there's a connection. I will say you, you, you know you can be vocal. Yeah. But you're like, shh, which is communication . But what I'm saying is there's a connection. There's communication, communication.

Oh Lord of, geez, . I can't even get a word in edgewise with you, but I'm saying he needs to have a conversation before he cheats. End of story. Yeah. But I don't, we, I don't even know if moms don't make a right. Just, I don't even know if it's cheating at that point. If, if she doesn't know about it, then yes, it would be a cheating.

I, I, I, that's true. Even if it's an emotional cheating, it's still cheating. I mean, now whether she cares or not, that's a different story. But I mean, define it what it is. If you know a duck's a duck, call it a duck. I'd say if they're both happy and everyth.  else in the relationship including her, and she does not enjoy this.

Therefore, she is just flat out refusing, flat out refusing. I would hope that she would not have a problem with him. Right. I mean, well, I mean, cuz that's kind of selfish if you're gonna hold out Yeah. But then say, oh nope, you can't. Anything else. Well then, I mean, because a guy having sex. Usually it actually, it's just a physical thing.

I mean, there's, the guys can have, well, you have no emotion with me. No, with you. I do  with me. But who owed the others? You don't. But with, but the others . I'm like, what thing with you? What I'm saying is a guy, hold on, let's back this train. Back up. What do you mean with you? I, no, I'm just kidding. Gone. What I'm saying is with a, a guy, when he has sex with women, , it is not always an emotional connection tied to it.

It is strictly physical. All right. I think we've answered that one pretty well, don't you think? Well, I don't You have some other thoughts and No, I was just saying that No, I, I think I've, I've, I've made what I feel. I think that it is an obligation for both of them to have sex with. If, if he's wanting sex, that's part of a relationship.

It's a requirement for physical health a lot of times. Well, it's what he signed up for. She has a require, she has an obligate, not a requirement. She's an obligation to fulfill certain duties. Right. I agree with that. And if she's refusing, then he first, I agree. He needs to have a talk. Absolutely. Number one.

Number one has a talk. Find out what, where she is with. . Right. And, um, you know, just tell her and or, you know, just flat out tell her is like, you know, if if I'm, if I'm not getting it here, I'm gonna go somewhere else I need, or it is like, I need sex. Yeah. You know, so I'm gonna throw that out on the board.

But here comes the bad thing is, and she's like, okay with it. And he's like, I need sex. I mean, that throws him in a whole different ballgame of building a.  an emotional connection with somebody else. So she's, it's not about emotions though. I know for guys it's not, but it can, it could go to, that is all I'm saying is it could, so she needs to be.

Well then she needs to smart spreading those legs. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. She's a smart woman open in that mouth. Unless she don't wanna lose, I mean, if she doesn't care about losing 'em, then, you know, whatever. But yeah, no, that's a sucky situation. , you said sucky. Well, he ain't getting it apparently.

No. All right. Okay. You have to let us know how the conversation goes if you, you know, get back with it. Yeah, I like need to know the, what happens. I usually don't hear back from people I know. I know. That's why I'm like, come on. This one I need to know. All right. Onto the trigger. So the trigger, oh Lord, I'm really nervous.

This is, this one's not about sex. Oh. But it is definitely a relat. Topic. Oh, am I gonna go fire off? You probably will. Oh, are you ready for this? Yes. Let's buckle up. All right, and here it goes. I feel like I don't get respected by my family and friends because I'm a stay-at-home mom. All my friends have jobs and I'm the only one that stays home out of her circle.

Friend group, friend group. I feel like I work just as hard as any of them yet. I'm always picking up on snide comments. And I'm making up this name here, just doesn't work. She has plenty of time to plan the party for an example,  or something to that effect. Every time I hear this, it hurts. . I feel like I'm not being respected.

Oh, my eyeballs are rolling, so, oh yeah. You know what? I'm probably not even gonna get much word in XY edgewise here. . No, no, you're not. Because this has been a topic for you in the past. Yes, it has. It actually has, because I've always been the type who has worked, I guess you could say, odd jobs, maybe as you would call it.

Like I didn't go. To college. I did go to college, but I didn't. You were go, you were, you were. You were participating in the gig economy. Gigs were popular. It was a thing, right? So like I went to college, but I didn't like go to college to graduate, to have a career. Like you have a career, you go to your nine to five job, you do your nine to five thing.

I didn't do that. So I worked doing household things, first of all. And then, I, I did have like little small jobs when we first got married, but then when we decided to have a family, that was our decision is to, for me to stop working and stuff so that I could focus on our children and be, oh, this is another one.

Oh my goodness, you're gonna get me started. Is. Me going to the car line and dropping them off, me taking them to school, me picking them up from school, me volunteering at school, me being there for every field trip, me being there for all those things because that is the thing that the kid is gonna remember and cherish for the rest of their life.

As a mom, that is important, and as a family we discuss this and that was important for our children to have those experiences because your mom was at the school working all the time, but like if there was something there, your mom was. Yeah, my mom, my mom was a teacher, so she worked at the school that I went when, when I was in high school.

She was a teacher there. So you had that experience and you know your mom could be there. My mom was a stay-at-home mom, but she also worked family jobs, like everything. There was always one of her sisters that needed help with whatever job that they were doing. So she would work with insurance. She worked at a clothing thing, she did this, she helped out.

She was constantly going and working to where she wasn't able to volunteer and do. Things. And we did have to ride a bus at one point and that was traumatic. So I was like, when you ride a bus, like school bus or Yeah. Like city bus. No, no, no. We had to ride a, that good point. We had to ride the school bus from school home because my mom worked until like three 30 and we got off at three or something like that.

That's kind of the norm. It is the norm for most of America. It is, it is. But um, it was a really bad bus ride for us, but anyways. We as a family discussed that that's what we wanted for our children. Everybody has different situations, everybody has different things, but that's what we discussed. We want that for our children.

So therefore, that's what I did. And people give me slack for it and say, oh, you can, like you said, play in the party. Oh, you know, Nicky can go do this because she's, she doesn't do anything. She's home all day. She doesn't do anything like the kids are at school, she's not doing anything. I don't work. You sit at home on your.

Eating bon bonds all day. Right. And watching soap operas like that was the whole thing. Is I, are they still on? Is soap opera still a thing? I think there's like one still of still on. From what I understand. I not know where to find a soap opera anymore. I don't have any, I mean, we all stream at everything.

NBC and cbs. I, I mean, how we rarely watch live tv, period. Anyway. Okay, so I was in the school, like volunteering. I was doing things for the school. I was constantly there. I was on pta. I did like all of those things when the children were younger and yes, I took them to school and dropped them off. Yes, I got in the car line and picked them up.

I did all of those things and our kids cherished that. I did that and that we were able to create that life for them, not only them. I cherished that you. Right. I mean, it was something that we wanted for our children. That's, I mean, literally we waited 10 years before we had kids being together. It was a good 10 years.

Mm-hmm. . So it wasn't like we, you know, got married and just popped out babies. I mean, we strategically planned things out, so, It was a big deal for us, but people always thought, oh, you don't work. You don't work. Well, then I got into, um, network marketing and did that. I've been doing that for the last 10 years and that of course, cuz you work from home.

That was, I was working from home before. It was cool to work from home , so I mean, I already did all of that and stuff and even before that. And you worked a lot of hours. Oh, 60, 70 hours a week. It was a lot of hours. I was constantly on my phone, constantly doing work, work, work, work, work, work, work and, and a lot of your friends and family.

Yeah, didn't you do not understand what all's involved in what you were doing due to a lot of the misconceptions and myths a about that?  and just working at home in general. Yeah, like now I think working at home is more acceptable maybe since Covid accepted. Yeah, yeah. Since Covid it's more accepted that, oh, they work from home.

Oh, they don't even think twice about that whole, you work at home, you're doing your nine to five at home, and I'm using air quotes, big time people , but that doesn't even compute back then when I was, you know, doing. So I totally get where she is coming from. Oh my goodness. Now what was her question? Now that I've vented,

I don't remember. I know. I'm like, I don't know. I, I don't know. She didn't really ask a question. Oh, okay. She's just saying, I, I guess it's frustrating and all that mean that as a, as, as topic for discussion, which we're doing. You know, I, she, she's not getting respect from her family. Don't know which family members.

Um, I hope it's not her husband. Uh, I do too, but that probably exists. It, it, I'm sure it does. She's not getting respect from her friends in her friend. No, cuz I mean a lot of, there are some of my friends that work career-wise and they did not understand. They were like, oh, well can you, you know, I'm gonna make this, can you watch my dog?

Can you let my dog, can you go check my mail? Can you, you know, little things that you can do during a nine to five that if somebody is stuck in an office, that they're not, they don't have that luxury of being able to do. Right. I consider it as a luxury that I'm able to stop and do things. I have a shit ton of things to do on my list.

I'm not just Cause you don't clock in and clock out, right? I mean, doesn't mean that you don't have I got an empire to run people. I mean, yeah, you have a lot of stuff that you have to accomplish, whether, whether you get it done from nine to 10 in the morning, or whether you get it done from. 10, 10 to 11 at night.

10 to 2:00 AM at night. Yeah. I mean, you know, I've many, many times I've worked late at nights because I tried to put everything for the kids during the day and then when they went to bed or settle down for the night, that's when I went to work, you know? And then I'd work till two in the morning and then I was back up at six in the morning to take, you know, kids to school and stuff.

So like, no, you don't get any sleep. You don't get any respect. It's bullshit. I am totally with her . So, so, , what do you suggest for Fuck them? How's that ? Are we going back to question one? No, no. Yeah, there you go. No, I mean, have respected yourself in that. Who gives a shit what they think? I mean, in reality, you know what you're doing for you and your family and that's all that matters.

Yeah. So I, you know, we did a couple of, we did an episode a while back ago on friend groups in the importance, and I would. If they don't respect you for who you are, what you're doing nuts. They're not worthy of your friend group, maybe it's time to reevaluate. Yeah, I completely agree with that. Because I mean, once you hit 40, you're kind of like, uh, screw you.

I don't give a shit what you think. But before that, it's like every little thing. It means the world to you. You think the world's gonna crumble down, like kind of like teenage love and all that? You think the world's go? No, it doesn't. And when you have 40, you. Screw this. I'm, you know, I don't care. So I think that's where a lot of the maturity came from is I don't care if they don't think I work, oh, well, they're, they're not one sleeping in my bed.

They're not two paying my bills, and they're not three, taking care of my children. So those are the three things I look at. If you're not doing those three, then you don't have an opinion. Good point. There you go. Mic drop. All right, we're done. . So should she even talk. Friends or just I, I mean it depends on how close of a friend, but if they're like bringing you down kind of like that, I would just kind of slowly kind of pull back until, yeah.

Maybe not make it obvious. Yeah. Initially, just kind of gradually find other friends that you can. Devote your time towards more to where you have less time with those. Does that make sense? I feel like I hate that answer. That. Okay. You know, maybe, maybe your best option is to just walk away from those friends and find other friends, but sometimes that, you know, pulling the bandaid off, that's the answer.

I mean, I may not be to do that. Yeah. Oh yeah. I mean, I've definitely had to ex some friends out and we've had to prune our inner circle a few times. Yes, and it's okay to prune. Prune is there for healthy growth, so I definitely start pruning . Absolutely. Get them shearers out. Chop away. Keep working, girl.

Do your thing. . All right. Well, that is really all I have for today. Oh, we have our, our interview decks. Oh, yeah. Okay. So grab a question. You ready? Would you like to pick or do you want me to just pick one? You just pick one. I'll pick one on my side. You pick one on your side. All right. I have a, I have a question.

Who goes first? I'll go first. What's something invisible that you wish people could see? What is something invisible that I wish people could see? Yeah, that's what what I said. I say, um, You know, as I'm, I'm thinking about that question, I'm going to, my mind is going to the overnight success concept. You know, you, you, you see it in, uh, the creator market economy a lot, the content creators that, oh, they're an overnight success.

What is invisible, Ooh, is all of the months and years of work that they put in hustling. For that overnight success to occur. It was all, all the, the viewers are seeing is that overnight success. They're not seeing all the work that happened that allowed that overnight success to occur overnight. It sound like you said overnight Sex

Well, success.  Success . So I wish that were more visible. I wish people could.  what all is truly involved. Yeah. And there is no co there is no overnight success. No. It just, that happened to be the one thing that did it. But all that stuff of them being in the trenches is never seen and nobody ever sees it.

That goes into the whole, like, you know, social media when you, what you see on social media is not the full story or the full picture. Like you're only seeing a glimpse and it's. . Usually the 1% that you do see of someone's life is what they want to show you. I mean, rarely you'll see some people who are very, very authentic and very true, and especially on social media.

Yeah. And give you like some of the back stories and stuff like that. But you still don't see it. Like, I mean, I talk about being dyslexic. I talk about like a ton of things and weird stuff, but you still don't see the full picture. Of what goes on behind the scenes. You're behind, you're seeing the Instagram grid view and not the story view.

Yes. Because the story people post stories and that's where the hustle is. Yeah, exactly. The, the grid is a, is a picture of a, a, you know, it, it's gone through Lightroom. It's edited. , it's beautiful eyes. It, it's beauty ties or . I don't even know what you're saying, but, but the story is where the hustle is. So people need to pay attention more to the story than the grid.

Your question, if you were given $1,000 to spend on your closest friend, what would you get them a thousand dollars on. My closest friends. Mm-hmm. . And do I, I don't have to say who my closest is. You don't have to say just what would I get now? And your closest. Yeah. And, and this person may not even have to exist.

It was just What would you. . Okay, so my closest friend spending a thousand dollars, no, you're spending a thousand dollars . What'd I say? They're spending a thousand dollars. You said my closest friend. Well, I don't know. I heard your closest friend spending a thousand dollars. Okay, I'm gonna spend a thousand dollars on my closest friend.

Okay? Um, I would pick you and I would buy you the big TV that you want. To put on the wall. Then we just assembled the small TV  because I've told, you know, a hundred times. Yeah. Now that we've put the, you know what, the, our existing TV on the wall, we did allow gro space for growth. Yeah. Yes. There's definitely growth.

So, all right, let's take materialistic stuff like that away. Uh, now, well then if it's not materialistic, then someti, it's not gonna be dollar wise. Okay. Well, I mean, I, I, if I don't have a closest friend, but I mean, I would say like, Somebody like a ticket to like a convention, the podcasting thing.

Something that would change their. Their worldly or, and the podcasting thing. She means like the conference we came back from. Yeah. But like, it would change their, their whole world, like their, uh, look on things or how they do their business. I like that. And they, they could improve upon on having a better podcast or a better business, a better this or that, or whatever they're hustling to do on the side and stuff like that.

I like that. I mean, I like the TV too. , but, but also like you're, you're putting them, you're allowing them.  to be put in a position where they can make contacts or or network with somebody that can really change their life. Exactly. I mean, you know, it's just that little bit somebody, there's always somebody that you drop that little bit into that flourishes them.

I like that every single person has somebody that they can think of in their head that is poured a drop of water somewhere in their bucket that has changed. Direct trajectory of their life trajectory. Not a hundred percent sure, but I'm, we're gonna go, you know what I'm trying to say. Yeah. The direction of their life has, has changed the outlook of their life, or Yes.

Has changed the. The, the, the trajectory, the path that they are, that they are on, that they can go on, whatever. You know what I'm saying? I like that. There you go there. Boom. Good answer. Done. Good answer, woman. Whew. That was tough. I was a little worried there. There you go. Boom. Thank you for joining us. You can visit us@bestiesandbed.com for all of our links and episodes.

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