RIAR: A New Approach to Leadership Acceptance & Workplace Dynamics

What if our approach to leadership training is fundamentally flawed? Join us on a journey through the groundbreaking insights of our guest, who has spent decades coaching leaders and challenging the status quo. We question the traditional top-down leadership model and propose an alternative: teaching people how to be led, how to be approachable, and how to develop emotional intelligence. Drawing parallels between youth sports and the workplace, we uncover the transformative power of feedback and its role in shaping both athletes and employees.

Discover the fascinating concept of RIAR (React, Interpret, Articulate, Reflect) and its profound impact on workplace dynamics. Our guest shares practical strategies for fostering a culture of reflection and constructive feedback, enabling leaders to mentor and coach more effectively. Learn why making it easier for leaders to lead isn't about burdening them with more tasks, but about creating an environment where feedback is embraced and growth is encouraged. This episode promises valuable insights for anyone eager to enhance their leadership skills and cultivate a more supportive and productive workplace.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:37

For decades, I've been teaching leaders how to coach, and when I think about coaching, I definitely think it's a byproduct of leadership, a subset of leadership. I don't think it's everything that leaders certainly need to do Now. With that being said, one thing that I throw out to people is that I'm wondering if we have this whole leadership training thing wrong. Let me explain. We tend to put a lot on our leaders' plates, we tend to ask them to do a lot of things, and when we do that, we take this very top-down approach executives to upper management, to middle management, to frontline management and so on. Yet we have to ask ourselves, much like in youth sports or sports in general, when you have a coach, what do we often complain about? The players, their attitudes, did they practice hard? How often do we see professional athletes calling out their coaches publicly or saying that the right play was involved at the end of the game, which ultimately leads to undermining coaches, leaders. It happens in the workplace. That's why we have this thing called the water cooler. I think a missing piece is teaching people how to be led, how to become approachable, how to become coachable. I want to share this with you.

Speaker 1: 2:03

For 31 years, on and off. I've been coaching boys volleyball and I started my second high school program about 10 years ago and I resigned from it about three years ago really resigned five years ago from the varsity position and one of the things that we implemented was player-based feedback. You had to ask two teammates I think it was once every week or every two weeks, I forget the frequency or cadence and you had to ask questions such as what could I do better as a teammate? And when you got your feedback, the only response you were allowed to give was thank you, and I would have kids say well, what if I get mad? What if I get this? I said, guys, it's called emotional intelligence. Let time do its work In the moment. It stings Afterwards. With some time we start to reflect and think yeah, you know what, I could have played better, I could have hustled more. Yet when we're in the moment, we're very emotional creatures.

Speaker 1: 3:01

Let me give you a workplace parallel. When you get called into the office by your boss and your boss says I need to see you right away, the employee immediately goes to this place of oh, I must have done something wrong. And then, when we start to get feedback, we go into this concept of RIAR, riar, riar. We react, we interpret, we articulate and hopefully, we reflect. Few get to the reflection stage. So if the boss gives us feedback we disagree with, we calmly say to ourselves this is good stuff, this is giving me good perception. Most people get defensive, they react emotionally. When we're emotionally, we're less logical, we're less factual, we become more subjective.

Speaker 1: 3:49

When we interpret, we put a story on it. My boss attacked me, he never listens to me. And then we articulate, we start to tell people around us Well, what did the boss say? Well, he just, the guy never listens to me and he just he was attacking me, he was attacking you. Then we put in adjectives the story has now taken on a different life form.

Speaker 1: 4:13

Now, once we get to interpretation, if it's taken out of context, reflection is really not possible. It's very hard to do. So what ultimately happens is we create this story, this narrative, we tell other people now we can't back up the truck. We can't back up because we've told people, we've committed to that story, which is our new reality. And so when that happens, it's not because we're bad people, it's because we're emotional creatures. So one of the best things that we can do is to learn to reflect right when we get feedback. We have to make it easy for leaders to lead. We have to make it easier for leaders to mentor. We have to make it easier for leaders to coach. What are your thoughts?