Next Level University
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Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers, entrepreneurs, and self-improvement addicts who are ready to get real about what it takes to grow.
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Next Level University
#1758 - A Lot Of People Would Rather FEEL Better Than Get Better…
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Can simply believing in success make it happen? In this engaging episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros discuss the difference between feeling good and getting better. They highlight the downsides of straightforward, feel-good advice and stress the need for practical steps and personal responsibility in self-growth. Whether you’re tempted by quick fixes or looking for a more realistic approach to self-improvement, this episode is essential for anyone aiming for success.
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Show notes:
(2:18) Not taking responsibility
(8:26) Accurate, objective truth
(15:13) Earning success
(18:39) Devaluing life, effort, and responsibility
(23:14) Affirmations
(26:28) At NLU, we want you to win! So, we’re giving tools and resources to ensure your success. Join our Monthly Meet-up ev
Send a text to Kevin and Alan!
🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros
Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.
Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,758, we are going to spit some hot fire. A lot of people would rather feel better than get better. Not saying that if you're in that camp right now, that's I'm not saying that if you're in that camp right now, that's. I won't say a bad thing. But really, what we want to talk about today is a lot of the advice that is being given in self-improvement is what I like to call bumper sticker self-improvement, and I'm guilty of this in the past, for sure.
Speaker 1I used to say things like if you believe in it, you can do it. It's like, yeah, that sounds really good, but there's a lot of things that I believe in that I'm not physically capable of doing. So I played a video for Alan right before this and this is a very well-known big podcaster who has a lot of listens and a lot of episodes and a lot of success and the ultimate thought on this teaser clip, this piece of content that they put up, was if something is for you, it is literally impossible and pardon my French, if there's kids in the room to fuck it up. You cannot fuck something up. If it is for you and it goes along the lines of life is not happening to you, it's happening for you. If it's meant to be, it'll be. If it's meant to be, it'll happen in the right timing, and I just don't think that is constructive for most of us.
Speaker 1This is the example I use with Alan. I believe Taryn is for me. I believe my relationship is for me. I don't think there's. I can't imagine having a better relationship with anybody on the planet. I could give you a million ways I could mess it up. It wouldn't be hard to sabotage this and make it all go away. If I go in with the mind of no matter what I do, this is for me, so it will exist forever. That is a recipe for disaster.
Speaker 2Yeah, big time. It's a great example.
Not taking responsibility
Speaker 1I appreciate that I wanted to have a podcast that helped people. That was where this all started, long before there was a business and clients and team and any of this stuff. A million listens and a million. Long before all of that, I was a young man who wanted to help people. Imagine if I thought to myself I that, no matter what, I can't possibly mess this up, because this is for me. There's no way we would be here in the way we are. Not a chance this podcast would have died. It would have died long ago, like it almost did in the very beginning, when I was missing episodes and skipping episodes.
Speaker 1Yeah, there's probably some people out there right now potentially listening to this who maybe you feel like you're a bad luck charm and nothing can work out for you and nothing's going to be positive and maybe you're in a really really dark hole. I don't think hearing something like that is really going to help you because, if anything, it doesn't create the necessity to take responsibility for what we're going through and that makes it really really, really hard. I told Alan this I went on a podcast recently and it was it was a weird. It was a weird podcast. Sometimes that happens you don't. Sometimes you don't always know what you're getting yourself into.
Speaker 1And this podcast essentially was me and two other people talking to the host and it was about spirituality and meditation and mindfulness. Love it, I'm all in on on meditation, mindfulness and what spirituality means to me, and it was very. It was very interesting because one of the guests so we were all considered guests was somebody who was older. And they said I am someone who attracts what I want and I'm connected to these outcomes and all these things. And then they said but I'm really struggling with money right now. And this person was older. They were in there. I mean, we're talking, I'm 35. They were at least 30 years older than me and they said something very interesting. They said there's something that happened in my family recently and I was able to manifest money. And I sat there for a second like let's hear this. And they said I started a GoFundMe.
Speaker 1Now, again, I'm not laughing because I think that's funny. It's more the fact that if you are holding a hammer, everything is going to look like a nail Meaning. Maybe somebody told them about a company called GoFundMe that helps people that are trying to raise money for a cause. To raise money for a cause. Raise money for a cause. I don't necessarily think that person manifested that. I think they probably Googled it or they asked somebody. But that puts you in a potentially really dangerous cycle of not taking responsibility and then hoping that something gets solved, and I just don't want people.
Speaker 1If you're watching this or listening to this, our thing is heart-driven, but no BS. Heart-driven meaning I want to tell you the truth from a place of caring. The no BS is. I want it to be the real truth. I want it to be the actual truth of. I want it to be the actual truth of what has mattered to me and what has worked for me and what has worked for Alan and what hasn't worked for people and why they didn't get successful. Because not a lot of people get to hear from the people who don't make it. But a lot of the clients I've worked with didn't accomplish the goals they wanted. Alan, I know you've had clients who didn't accomplish the goals they wanted. I'll tell you what a lot of the clients that didn't accomplish the goals that they wanted were the clients who said well, I know, if it's meant to be, it'll be, and evidently it wasn't meant to be because it didn't happen, and I just am not of that belief.
Speaker 1I think it's good to feel guided. I think it's good to feel guided. I think it's good to feel supported. I think it's good to feel the universe is on your side, a thousand percent. I love that, but not at the detriment of you taking responsibility for what it is that you hope to accomplish. And again, if I sound fired up, it's because I just don't want to see you 10 years down the line, way off track, because you felt like everything was going to work out, because somebody told you everything was going to work out. This is a this is a really heavy thing being a human. It is really heavy, really, really, really heavy, and I know a lot of people who thought things were going to work out, that are not in good positions right now, unfortunately, and I just don't want that for you, whether you're watching or listening, because I care about you all, and sometimes that means I get fired up in a five-minute monologue. Eight-minute monologue.
Speaker 2My favorite you did a video back in 2016 on Facebook Facebook Live back before Facebook Live was even really a thing. I mean, it was one of the first videos I've ever seen of you ever talking anything deep. I think this was the. That was the first one ever and I watched it. And you had a company, befd, a drone website.
Speaker 1Better every company Company yeah, company quotation marks and lightly, lightly considered, I would say B-E-F-D better every effing day.
Speaker 2Yes, and you started it out with do you deserve to be happy? And your premise, your thesis, your conclusion was I think that you deserve what you work for. I believe earning it. And we've since contemplated this every way you possibly could, because Kevin and I get very fired up by people being misguided. People are often misguided and it bothers us and we've been misguided as well. Well, I think that's why it bothers us, of course, of course, and the clip that Kevin shared with me prior to us recording this episode we'll keep anonymous who it was and all that. It was comical for me to see how overly affirming it is.
Accurate objective truth
Speaker 2There is something there is very clearly toxic negativity, and I understand that completely and there's a ton of it and I totally get it. But there's a ton of it and I totally get it. But there's also something known as toxic positivity. Toxic positivity is something we talk about at nlu all the time and I had someone from my past reach out recently actually just joined group coaching so pumped, and he said I'm I'm resonating so deeply with you two because of this drive to five thing. Drive to five is not toxic negativity or toxic positivity. Drive to five is a scale from zero to 10, where we're trying to drive to the center. We're trying to drive to five. We're trying to get to the optimal middle where you understand both and you can lead your own life from the accurate, objective truth.
Speaker 2Now this clip when I say it's comical, what I mean is it's just toxic positivity. It's this dude, who we will keep anonymous, has been grinding for a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very long time and he sacrificed for years and years, and years, and years, and years, and years, and years, and years and years to get to a place where he is. And I don't know if it's because he lost sight of how hard it was in the beginning. I don't know if it's because he knows this is what's trending right now. I don't know him well enough to know, but I have talked to some of my clients behind the scenes who have worked with him, by the way, and they prefer my coaching. I'm grateful and they think he's toxic positive and they also have gotten some messages that are ridiculous from him. But anyways, the point is not about him.
Speaker 2If you believe that everything is going to go horribly wrong and that you have the worst luck in the world and that life is against you and everyone's against you and, no matter what you do, you can't win. You have toxic negativity. That's not constructive, that's destructive and that's not true. It's not accurate objectively, statistically. If you think that, no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter what you think, feel or believe, things are going to work out no matter what, and you're deserving of all your goals as you are, without improving anything about yourself or changing anything, you're also in trouble. Yeah, and the reason why is because, if you have people like ke and I, who wake up every single day, let's not use Kevin and I, let's use someone else, I'll use Emilia. I live with Emilia.
Speaker 2Emilia is my favorite human in the entire world and she is the definition of lack of entitlement, humility, work, ethic and earning it. That woman earns it every single day, always 24, seven, three, 7, 365. She's doing all she can for to to. She aims at the highest possible good that she can conceptualize and believe in every single day. And if anyone who actually studies her would see that to the to her own detriment I'm talking picking up litter in our condo complex when we have other, more important things to do, quite frankly, like and I'm not against picking up litter, I do the do the same thing, but not as much as her. She is unbelievable. Now I'm talking about Emilia here because I don't want to make it about Kevin and I.
Speaker 2Emilia does not think everything's just going to work out. She's beautiful, she's young, she's intelligent, she's attractive, she's charismatic. She's unbelievable. She still, every single day, wakes up with the humility of okay, I know that I don't know everything and I'm going to work on getting better today and her future is going to get bigger and better and brighter, to the extent that she's honest with herself about herself. Now, if she were to wake up every day and go oh, I'm the worst and I suck and I look terrible and that's destructive, that's toxic negativity. But if she were to wake up and go, well, I'm beautiful and everything's just gonna work out for me and I don't really have to work, she certainly wouldn't be with me. I wouldn't wanna be with someone like that.
Speaker 2So to Kevin's point about Taryn, I agree a thousand percent. You know how easily I could screw this relationship up. I have to earn it every single day. To be with Emilia. Every single day, I have to be the best man I can be. I have to be honest, I have to be integrous, I have to be virtuous, I have to be keeping the promises I make to myself and to her. I have to be better, I have to be better, I have to work on myself, I have to grow. I'm doing therapy, I'm. There's something, there's so much honor in that, and I just think that this whole, this whole idea of Will you deserve it? Well, do you even know? Do you even? What do you mean? Because, honestly, there's a lot of people out there who are sick and suffering, who deserve a lot better than they're for sure than they have.
Speaker 2So why, why you? Why? Why should you be a world class podcaster and not have to work on yourself every day, when someone like Emilia works on communication every single day and again?
Speaker 1maybe every no it's every day.
Speaker 2It's every single day, it's literally every single day, and she's still doesn't think she's any good and and not in a negative way, in a, honestly, I'm not that strong of a communicator compared to where I need to be in order to achieve my goals.
Speaker 2She doesn't think she's a bad communicator compared to everyone. She thinks that she has a long way to climb when it comes to being the best podcaster she can be and the truth is she and so I think it takes humility and gratitude and lack of entitlement to earn success and to sustain it, and I think that a lot of people get to a place where they have a lot of status and perception and then they lose sight of that, and I do think that that person is on his way down. You might not see it now, but I think that if he keeps that mentality up, he's in some serious trouble, particularly when it comes to fitness and his intimate relationship and things of real merit behind the scenes, when no one's watching I don't think that's actually what he thinks, though well then, that's a whole nother ethical issue I don't think that's exact.
Speaker 1I don't think that's actually what he thinks.
Speaker 2What do you?
Speaker 1think he thinks. I think he probably thinks closer to the truth. But maybe he I don't know. I'm not saying I don't know. I usually have a pretty good read on people, not my cup of tea. This person I feel like behind the scenes, this person's probably something different than they convey. That would just be my guess. But maybe he's in a season where I had a very spiritual season. Oh, did I lose you there for a sec?
Speaker 2Kev, are you there? Yeah, yeah, can you hear me? You are completely frozen and you've broken up completely.
Earning success
Speaker 1I can't hear a word. Give it a sec here. Give it a sec here. Give it a sec. It might be on my end, quite frankly, no, no, it's on my end. There's some mayhem happening right now. Please hold, can you hear me or no? You can't hear me at all.
Speaker 2Can you hear me? Yeah, yeah can't hear me at all, or can you hear me? Yeah, yeah, can you hear me? I can. I can hear you now, and your video is pixelated, so I know that we're on our way back.
Speaker 1Okay, let's see what happens let's just restart where we were. Yeah, I'm still.
Speaker 2I still have low internet, so I'm gonna wait until it bumps up production team please cut it where you, yeah, make this, make this work, please make this nice, yeah, and I think, kev, where you should start once it is better is I feel like this person behind the scenes is very different than what he portrays, and then boom. Whatever your point was, it's still Jeffed.
Speaker 1Mm-hmm, can you see me now?
Speaker 2Yeah, you're just pixelated. I don't know what's going on. It's all good, we'll get it done. Post-production that's the benefit. I think we're coming back. I think we're coming back. Yeah, I think you, I think I can see you. Well, now we should be good, I don't know coming back. I think we're coming back.
Speaker 1Yeah, I think I can see you well now we should be good. I don't know what happened. I wonder if it was just a thing. All right, I feel like he's different behind the scenes. That's where you want me to start. Yeah, based on the question that you asked, what do you think he is?
Speaker 2Because I said I Okay, yeah, let's start there. So, production team.
Speaker 1When I asked, I said I don't think that's actually what he, that's how he really thinks.
Speaker 2And then I said what do you think? He thinks yeah.
Speaker 1I think it's probably closer to the truth of. It probably took him a lot of work to get to where he is. He probably had to sacrifice a lot, he probably had to look in a lot of mirrors and maybe he wishes he didn't. I think there's a correlation between when someone achieves a level of success and then they regret all the effort that it took to get there, then they start giving advice. That's different.
Speaker 1We did that not in the same way where we just said look, I think it's just as important to understand the journey than it is to understand the ultimate goal. I don't care what your goals are, I care more about the journey that you're willing to accept for a long period of time. I just don't know if that's the advice other people want to give, because it's not super inspirational, it's not super motivational, it's not super positive. I just don't know if that's the advice other people want to give, because it's not super inspirational, it's not super motivational, it's not super positive in the definition of positive Except I think it's the most positive because it's based on maybe a more accurate view of truth.
Speaker 2I think the other reason why this bothers us particularly me, but I think you as well, I think it dev reason why this bothers us particularly me, but I think you as well, I think it devalues the people who put in the work.
Devaluing life, effort, and responsibility
Speaker 2It devalues, I mean, why don't? Why doesn't everyone have an eight pack? And why doesn't everyone live in a mansion on the beach? And why doesn't everyone? It devalues the true work ethic that we put in. When someone says well, if it's for you, it's for you, I'll use this as a metaphor. I think I'm going to end up using this as a metaphor a lot, because I think you learn a lot from things like this. So Emil and I did a 5K this weekend and we did one, the same one, two years prior, back in 2002. Uh, 2022, holy crap 2022 young man.
Speaker 2And so now it's 2024 and we we did that this past weekend and the winner of the 5k I kid you not ran a 1457. It was an average of I don't know 443 mile per mile, which is insane. It's like an all-out sprint for an entire mile. Basically, I don't think I could even keep that pace for a quarter of a mile genuinely. So I probably could for a quarter of a mile, but the point is it's insane, it's insane. And I came in at 730, for reference, meaning. So the total was 2350 or something like that, basically 24 minutes. So he did in 15 minutes what took me 24 minutes? What took emilia 34 minutes or 33, I forget. The point is this it devalues his work and his effort and his compound effect and his choices. If I go in, I mean, I guess running is just not for me, so obviously it's not meant to be. So, whatever that guy obviously has yeah, maybe he's gifted genetically, I'm sure he is but that guy probably has been running for 15 years at least to try to get to that place and I bet you he suffered that entire 15 minutes, and I'm talking.
Speaker 2Running, in my opinion, is just pure suffering, at least when you're trying to make a time. This was uphill, downhill, uphill, downhill, uphill. It was brutal, it was hot, it was humid as hell. I mean, it was just pain, pure pain. But despite that pain, despite the suffering, despite the effort and the work, it devalues it when you just say things like, well, you ran, uh, over I don't know four or so hundred that signed up and then it thunderstorms, so most people didn't come. But of the 252 people who signed up, does everyone deserve to win? Like what kind of you devalue life when you, when you try to blanket? Definitely, and I've exercised with Emilia every day for 2.32 or 2.33 years, something like that why, why does everyone just deserve to beat me at the 5k just because it's aligned or whatever?
Speaker 2I just don't, I think it's, it's not helpful, so let's get back to the the main point. It's just not helpful, that's not going to help you. I had someone reach out today and I want don't, I think it's, it's not helpful, so let's get back to the main point. It's just not helpful, that's not going to help you. I had someone reach out today and I want to share this. I had someone reach out on Instagram and he said this, and I think this is a testament to the truth, the truth of what? What? This really the point that I'm really trying to make here. How would I get back to it? Hold on, do, do, do, do, do, do, do do. Notifications Kev. Where's the new notification button?
Speaker 1on Instagram. It's the heart on the top right. I don't have a heart on the top right?
Speaker 2yes, I do. Yes, I do found it okay. Thank you for your patience. Everyone all right.
Affirmations
Speaker 2This was a great conversation that I had on comments. I posted my top books and he said alazurus88, I've got a question for you. You're the athletic physios business coach. How have you helped him build wealth? Well, I can tell you for sure, I didn't help him build wealth by saying it's all going to work out, don't worry about it. If it's for you, you'll be wealthy. If it's not, you won't. That's not what I. This is the truth. This is what I think is the truth in an instagram message at so and so I'll keep it anonymous. I think that might be a better question for him, but for the most part, my focus has been helping him to track the right metrics and habits and then to keep him accountable to that system every week. His goals are large, long term, but we break them down into annual and quarterly goals in addition to a system of metrics and habits that are sustainable week in and week out. I'm super proud of how far he's come since a few years ago when we first met and that person reached out. I think they're going to end up coaching and it's great. It's great, but notice how my answer wasn't.
Speaker 2Well, if you want to manifest wealth, you got to think about it and just make sure it's for you. Everyone wants to have a better body, everyone wants to be healthier and wealthier and more in love Everyone, of course. Why wouldn't you? Those are the fundamentals of human nature. I want to be healthier, I want to be wealthier, I want to be more in love, I want to live on a beautiful lake with land. I want central air and beautiful equipment and a better camera and a better microphone, and I want, uh, to be able to afford even more amazing team members, and I want to be able to travel.
Speaker 2Uh, I mean, yeah, I do. Actually, I do want to travel and I want to do the travel in a way that isn't super inconvenient and that costs a ton of money. Do I just deserve that stuff? Because it's for me, it's just not a helpful thing. What's helpful is the truth, and what's helpful is taking responsibility for the things that you want to achieve. That's what's required. You have to take responsibility for what you say, think, do, do, feel and believe every single day, and you can continue continually work on yourself and work on your craft and work on your skills and set goals and work toward them and overcome challenges and learn from mentors and coaches and get therapists and surround yourself with the right people. It really does. It relinquishes pretty much everything that's useful when you start saying blanket statements like he did.
Speaker 1It's a very dangerous game. Now here's the thing. I can understand. There are some, there are many people who need more positive affirmation 1,000%, 1,000%. But eventually you get to a place where, if the affirmation stops you from taking action, it's not as constructive In the beginning.
Speaker 1If you are really riding the struggle bus and you're afraid to show your face in public, looking in the mirror and saying positive things about yourself is awesome, amazing, love, it Spend all day doing it. But eventually it gets to the place where, if the affirmation creates lack of action, you're just going to have to say more affirmations. That's just going to be. The thing is, you're going to have to over-affirm at lack of action. And it's this weird thing where I know for a long time there was the overly grind culture where everybody needs to work 24 hours a day, no matter what. If you're not doing that, you're lazy and you're not going to be successful. I think what happens when somebody lives at the polarity is people run very, very quickly in the opposite direction. So then it became well, only do what fulfills you, only do what feels right, only do what feels right, only do what feels aligned, and if it's meant to be, it'll be. That's not the truth either. No, it's really not, but neither is for most people.
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Speaker 2neither is the other end for alan and I grind your face off to accomplish your goals is the truth for us if you want to, which I just want to jump in if you really do want to achieve your goals, I I can tell you for sure. Now remember, achieve your goals without being fulfilled. If you want to just achieve results without being fulfilled, you do what Kevin's fitness coach told him, which is, the person who wins the show is the one willing to suffer the most. Yes, the person winning the 5K is whoever is willing to train the longest and the hardest the most, and then also train hard in r&r, and what I mean by that is get perfect r&r every day, and that takes discipline too, by the way what becomes your life it becomes your entire life right, yeah, that's your life.
Speaker 2So if you just care about goals and you don't care about fulfillment at all which I do not recommend and you just want results, that actually is truthful. If you just want to be fulfilled and you don't care about achieving your goals, then the other thing actually does work yeah, but yeah not fully, because you might not be fulfilled if you're only ever just affirming right, no, challenge is also not right.
There is no one truth
Speaker 1Yeah, I don't know it's. It's a really hard thing and again, I don't want to sound negative when we do episodes like this. I just know if, if I didn't do bodybuilding and I wasn't somebody who is into fitness for as long as I have been, I might have heard advice like that and believed it. But I knew, because I've known for a long time, because I'm I've been in the gym for a long time, it doesn't matter what I want, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah, no, because in the, in the gym, it's real, there's real numbers and there's real measurements and you either do it or you don't. Now, again, I want everybody to be confident to the point where they feel comfortable doing their physical activity, whatever that means Going to the beach and swimming or going to the pool, whatever, whatever that means. But when you start putting in the effort, I think that's what a lot of people are kind of missing and it just scares me. It scares me for people, because I know a lot of the people behind the scenes who have podcasts about stuff like this, and a lot of those podcasts can't afford to work with anybody because they don't have any money, because they're in this. I'm just going to continue to change my perception. I'll change my perception. I'll change my perception. I'll change my perception.
Speaker 1I've met some amazing humans who are very, very, very I'll just say, spiritual in terms of. It's not about the physical work, it's about the spiritual alignment. I've met many, many, many people who are amazing human beings, but do you know 9 times out of 10 what the conversation behind the scenes is? They can't pay their bills and they don't know if they're going to be able to continue what they're doing. One of the reasons is they think it's eventually going to happen and it's not going to happen unless they change their behavior. Most likely, statistically. I also have met people on the other end who are grinding, grinding, grinding, grinding behind the scenes, who are not fulfilled at all and they think well, the next dollar I make, the next client I get, the next award I get will do it. That ain't going to do it either.
Speaker 2But the truth is they are well, they, yeah, they're usually statistically yes, the truth.
Speaker 1Here's the problem. There is no one truth for everybody. The truth is dependent on who is listening, and that's why it's so hard to do a freaking podcast episode. That's valuable because it depends on who you are and where you are. If you are the lowest you've ever been, I think positive affirmations are great for you. If you're somewhere in the middle and you're wondering why you're not getting results, I would say are your affirmations aligned with your action? Are you affirming yourself as much as you're taking action? I want you to feel really good about yourself I do, but I also want you to get out there and do stuff that doesn't always make you feel good about yourself, Because that's kind of what we're. That was the point of this episode. A lot of people would rather feel good and think about how one day it's going to happen. One day it's going to happen. Maybe I'm just not fully aligned yet, Maybe it's not the right time. Then be good and get good and get better and improve, which oftentimes just sucks.
Speaker 2We're reading a book. I know we got to jump. We're reading a book in book club called Same as Ever by Morgan Housel, and there's an entire chapter dedicated to how people would prefer certainty than accuracy.
Speaker 1See, that was the thing from that book. That was the thing from that book, that was the thing that changed my mindset more than anything if you are out there watching or listening to this.
What works than what feels good
Speaker 2This podcast is not here for Kevin and I to hear ourselves talk. This podcast is not here for any other reason than to help you implement and improve yourself and your life. That is where this was born. Change the way you think, change the way you act, change the way you live. The Hyperconscious podcast was born seven years ago. For that reason, if you're watching or listening to this, the best way that I can articulate this without going on some crazy tangent that I actually think a lot of the clip that Kevin showed me.
Speaker 2Sometimes I wonder if that's just fun to listen to, because it feels good to listen to, rather than something that actually works. And again, there's some small circumstances where affirmation does actually work, because if you don't believe in yourself, you need a little bit of affirmation just to get up and to keep going. You need a little hope. I get it. You need hope, but beyond hope, you need a little hope. I get it, you need hope, but beyond hope you need everything else and none of that anymore.
Speaker 2Yeah, it's kind of like. It's almost like candy. Candy is delicious in the moment, but it's not good for you, unless it's right before a certain workout and you're trying to carve up with swedish fish and, yes, I'm biased because I love them, but it's a tool that, if overused, becomes negative. You can't just eat swedish fish. Trust me, I've tried. No, I'm kidding, but it would be terrible for me to do that. Okay, so this is the best way I can articulate it, and then we'll jump Ask yourself this question Do I care more about feeling good in the moment, or do I care more about what actually works in the moment? Or do I care more about what actually works, because what actually works very rarely feels good? I wish it wasn't that way.
Speaker 2Sometimes I get sad when we do episodes like this yeah same, but it is the truth and you have to kind of decide. So, kevin and I made a decision early on. I don't know if this was conscious or not. It was for me for sure. I don't know if it was. You can speak to your experience. I made a conscious decision at the beginning of after my car accident at 26. My conscious decision was okay, all the humble pie at once. I will never again care more about my ego and feeling good about myself because, compared to what is accurate, I made a conscious decision to seek what was accurate, regardless of how it made me feel about myself.
Speaker 2And I used to joke and I said you know how I know a book is great is when I feel terrible about myself. And the 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth is the example that I always use, because every time I pick up that book, it's the principles of how to grow to your maximum potential and maximize your potential. And every time I pick up that book, it's the principles of how to grow to your maximum potential and maximize your potential. And every time I pick up that book, I'm basically bludgeoned in the face with all of the missed opportunities, of how I didn't read when I was young enough. How I wish I had read more books. I wish I hadn't poisoned my brain with alcohol. I wish I had made some better choices.
Speaker 2Now do I think I'm a terrible human and that I regret everything? No, don't swing too far that way. That's not what I'm saying. I didn't make all awful choices. I made a lot of good choices and I made a lot of bad ones, and I was probably on the higher end of good choices than bad, obviously. But I'll tell you what. You better believe there's some regrets in there, and you better believe it wasn't all just going to work out, particularly in some of my past.
Speaker 2And so that's what I would say is you have to make a conscious decision. Do you care about what works in fitness and what works in losing weight and what works in relationships and what works in business what actually works or do you care more about what's affirming and feels good? Because, quite frankly, whether it's doing a 5k or starting a podcast or being in a marriage or an intimate relationship or leading a team, you better be objective and you better look more at what works than what feels good, because usually what works doesn't feel good the Stairmaster is my best metaphor. It never feels good. No one likes the Stairmaster. What a giant pain in the ass that thing is, but it always is fulfilling and it works. You want to burn some calories? That is the way. The Stairmaster will always burn more calories than a walk on the treadmill, and that's why it works, and I think that's a great metaphor. I and I think that's a great metaphor I really do.
Speaker 1I would agree. I would agree, again, a hardcore episode, but it's based on the fact that one I wish. I don't know. I probably wish I knew this sooner. I think I conceptually knew it, but I don't know if I knew it, knew it, knew it like I really do. Now One last question for you. Yeah, sure.
Speaker 2When you did BEFD and you talked about earning it versus deserving it way back in 2016,. That was long before the podcast. That was before you and I were close friends. That was before the Father's Day stuff. You and I almost lost our way on this journey, kevin and I I want to be very transparent we almost lost ourselves. I almost lost myself in this whole. It's all going to work out mentality.
Manifestation equation
Speaker 2And then we got bludgeoned by the business realities of the world and how starting your own business 94% of businesses fail in any 10-year period and, honestly, that doesn't even mean they're profitable, they're just barely standing and so we got bludgeoned with the truth very quickly. When we lost our way. I wonder if we didn't have each other and we didn't have huge goals that we really believed in and we didn't have constant feedback from our partners, and I wonder if we would have lost our way. So there was a time when I did, I lost my way with too much affirmation, and I know you did too for a short time. Can you talk about why you're glad you came back to Earth?
Speaker 1I felt better at that time. I remember every day I would get up and I would journal. And one of my journals was quantum journaling, where I would write down things as if I already had them. And it was awesome. It felt great. I am a millionaire and I'm super grateful for the amount of money I have in my bank account All that. I am grateful for my new car. I am grateful for this. I'm grateful for that. I was journaling about a relationship long before I had a relationship with Taryn Love it Awesome. But eventually it got to the point where my belief was and I was already thinking very positively, very aspirationally. So I wasn't at the stage where I necessarily needed these affirmations anymore. I believed if I just did more of that, I would get more results. Well, I'm just not quantum journaling enough. That's the issue. Or I'm not meditating enough. That's the issue. I think all those are really nice supplements, depending on what side of the equation you're on. If you're anxious, like I was, meditate away.
Speaker 2Brother, those are the first two steps in the manifestation equation. The minute what I know, I have a manifestation equation. We will put the digital asset in the show notes, a link to google drive. You can download it for free. The first two steps are what Kevin just described it's vision, big, bright future affirmation. Write down, I down, I am, I am, I am. And then the next one is visualize, which is meditation. Dude, you were doing the first two steps, but after that there's still eight more.
Speaker 1The big one is action. Yep, that's the big. So at that time I felt really good because I felt like I felt like I was doing the right thing. Time just hadn't caught up yet. I remember telling Alan this I used to go to this, this coffee shop and I would, and I shouldn't have been doing this, I didn't have the money to do this, but I would go get like a seven dollar ice latte. And I remember telling Alan like when, when I'm there, it's just I feel better.
Speaker 1I don't know how to explain it Like I feel centered, I send messages and I try to get clients. Did that ever really help? I don't think so. I felt really good though. I felt good meditating every morning. I'm not saying meditation is bad Meditate if it feels good.
Speaker 1I felt good journaling, but for a lot of us the unlock isn't mental. For a lot of us the unlock is you need to get out and go do the thing. I think that stuff in the beginning and again that's again. This is why it's so hard, depending on where you are, of course, it's going to be valuable, but I thought that was. I thought the reason that I wasn't more successful is because I wasn't more centered, or I wasn't more transcendent, or I wasn't more connected to myself. The truth is, that was a piece of it, but that wasn't all of it. That wasn't as much as I wanted it to believe. What was the real reason? I mean, there's a million. Nobody knew who I was. I hadn't made a name for myself, I didn't have a reputation yet I wasn't that good at sales. I didn't understand numbers. I didn't understand money, not organized. I wasn't organized, I wasn't.
Speaker 2You were napping at noon on a Tuesday playing video games Not at this stage. Not at this stage, but I was in the beginning, yeah, yeah I think that's the.
Speaker 1That's the hardest part of this is in the beginning. You go into something with expectations. If you quit the thing you never find out, those expectations are false. So if you and I just quit business, we would have said yeah, you know what, couldn't figure it out. Couldn't figure it out, I'm not sure I don't know what went wrong.
Speaker 2It wasn't for us, wasn't for us, yeah you know how most businesses fail.
Speaker 1We started it, just I don't know, we just never could get momentum and things just never, never worked out.
Speaker 1Yeah the economy, covid, I mean for sure, right, there's a thousand things we could make excuses yeah when you're not willing to leave the arena. You have to find a state, a way to stay in the arena, and that is when you change your behavior. You can change your perception all day. You can change your perception all day and sometimes it helps, but it's not. I don't think it's a medicine that you can take for a long enough period of time for it to get you anywhere meaningful. I just don't think it is Because, eventually, you do have to change your behavior.
Speaker 2Changing behavior is way harder than changing perception. Of course, Last thing. I used to say this to my clients, my fitness clients, because fitness is the best metaphor, because it's physical. Because it's physical, you can't manifest abs, no matter what you do. Yeah, no, it's physical. Yeah, I can't get abs. I've exercised every day for two years and I don't have enough abs. It's brutal.
Speaker 1I've been thinking of them every day, for, yes, like man, I want them I want them and I'm working for them, but I'm not dieting for them.
Speaker 2That's the problem. Okay, I? I love food more than I love abs, apparently. So, anyways, the in fitness coaching I used to say this, and I remember I had one particular client. Her name was Amy. I said Amy, anyone can teach you how to lose weight, but remember, almost no one can get you to actually do it. I'm going to get you to do it. That's one of the things that I don't know how to. I probably should have said this to the guys. The truth is, I just get my clients to do it. I know what buttons to push and they know that I'm doing it without being. It's what's best for them, not what's best for me. I benefit too, but it's not the priority. I'm not the priority.
Speaker 2I have one client who paid me double and then has a rolling money over his head for lack of better phrasing to make sure he doesn't miss. He's like dude, just keep the money until. I just want the accountability. So he pays me double and it will pay for his next session if he doesn't miss and he keeps re-upping it. It's called a commitment device. Basically, you pay me money and I keep the money if you doesn't miss. And he keeps re-upping it. It's called a commitment device. Basically you pay me money and I keep the money if you don't stay accountable. And he's been just doing it and he hasn't missed and it's unbelievable. I've done commitment devices dude for years. They never fail. It's ridiculous.
Speaker 1It's crazy. It's always worked for me too, when I do it it's ridiculous.
Speaker 2It's always worked for me, too, when I do it. It's always worked for me. Oh, it's unbelievable. One of my clients was doing three hours studying for the bar exam. It's, it's. It's an unbelievable tool. You'll do more not to lose than you will to win, and that's a whole another episode. But all I'm saying is anyone can change their perception. Anyone can teach you how to exercise and and eat less to lose weight. Very few people can get you to do it and even fewer can get you to do it every day. That's what really works, and even then it takes a long time.
Speaker 2Kevin and I are doing the 10 pound and 10 week challenges and I'm a little behind, and so is he. We have got to get it together. No matter what we affirm, there is no affirmation, no more affirmation. I need to eat less tonight, tonight, and I know that and I don't want to. I don't want to. I want dessert. I ate pie last night. I love apple pie. It's great big fan. There's no affirming your way to abs. There's no affirming your way to your goals, especially if they're really hard, meaningful goals, and so, at the end of the day, affirmation is a great start, but it's not going to get you to win the race taryn got me an ice cream maker for christmas.
Speaker 1That's dangerous. No, I'm. I'm gonna make protein ice cream. Nice, I already have the recipe and everything nice yeah, I'm excited. It's pretty much like halo top, except number one it's lower calorie and it's cheaper to make. Nice, I'm in, I'm very excited. I'm gonna have ice cream every night for the rest of my life.
Speaker 2I'm it's already done I'm gonna make ice cream. Every protein ice cream, forever, forever. Yeah, I'm super excited.
Speaker 1All right, hardcore episode, but I think it needed to be done because I don't know. I just wish I heard this sooner and I know how dangerous it is. Again, I'm not telling you to grind your face off 24-7, if it's not in alignment, okay, last thing, last, last, last thing before we go when someone tells you to grind your face off 24-7, you start doing it and you regret it almost immediately because you're not fulfilled. When someone tells you to do less and that the fact that it's all going to work out, unfortunately you don't get the feedback of that till years later. Whoa, that's why it's fucked up nice work.
Speaker 2No, that's that just landed for me nice, because you know why.
Speaker 1The process is super easy just do less, just do less, just easy, just do less, just do less, just do less, just do less.
Speaker 2And eventually you get to the place where In 10 years you realize none of your dreams came true.
Speaker 1And you're Jeffed.
Speaker 2Whoa, and you're Jeffed.
Speaker 1And you're Jeffed. It's just like yeah, when you do the grind your face off, you get the negative downside of doing that almost immediately. No negative downside of doing that almost immediately no, not almost immediately. Well, it depends. I mean, you could put in a week and say like ah, that was a really good week. And then Monday comes around and it's like wait, I got to do that again. I got to do that again. I trust me, I understand. Sometimes it's like groundhog day.
Speaker 1My alarm clock goes off at 6am and I roll out of bed and I'm like it's 6am already. Oh my goodness, here we go, but the opposite of that. So quick analogy One of the best things ever and again, this isn't for everyone, I understand One of the best things ever is my fitness coach told me if you want to win, you'll suffer more than anyone else. If you want to win, you will suffer more than anybody else. On that stage, best piece of advice I ever got in terms of fitness, because it was accurate. It was accurate. Imagine if he told me Kev, just imagine yourself winning and just don't change anything else. I would have. The whole prep would have been this is awesome, this is awesome. This is amazing. I'm not working out that hard, I get to eat whatever I want. And then when I got on stage, I would have got stomped and you know how I would have felt.
Speaker 1I've never been there. Luckily, you know how I would have felt. I would have felt terrible. Yeah, and you? Never would have done another show and I never would have done another show because I would have felt like I did everything I was told and I still didn't get my results and it's my fault. It's my fault that I didn't get the results.
Speaker 2Yes, and then you would also well have thought well, what are they? Just better than me Am I? Is there something wrong with me?
Speaker 1The fact is, I listened to dumb advice. I listened to advice that wasn't good, it wasn't constructive, it wasn't based in truth.
Speaker 2Okay, I'm fine, I'm fired up. All right, we're going to go. Great, that's great. We're going to go work.
Speaker 1I appreciate that very much. That's my takeaway. That my takeaway is when you grind your face off, you get the negative downsides immediately. When you do less and you wait for divine timing or whatever it is, you end up waiting for your entire life.
Speaker 2But it feels good right away. It feels good for the first several months, several years maybe and then eventually it's like wait a minute, this is not.
Speaker 1I want us all to live in our accurate middle. Alan and I are trying to get ourselves to drive to five and figure out where that is, and everybody we're we're. Alan and I are trying to get ourselves to drive to five and figure out where that is, and everybody we're trying to have conversations around how do you drive to your own unique version of five? And the problem is, everybody's five is different. That's why it's so hard to do this. All right, if you are looking for a group of like-minded humans who are into self improvement, into growth, into vulnerability, into looking into pieces of the ego that you don't necessarily want to see. Next Level Nation link will be in the show notes. What would you like to talk about, sir, before we go?
Speaker 1A long ass episode, by the way, one of my favorites 50 minutes One of my favorites. My apologies. I adored it.
Speaker 2Well, there was a screw up on your internet.
Speaker 1Technical glitch in the middle. Yeah, it might not be. Yeah, that was like two minutes.
Outro
Speaker 2If you want a place where we talk about truth and objective truth and accurate thinking, and that's really what it comes down to. I'm trying. Book club is about great ideas with great people, next level ideas with next level people pun intended brand it and the goal is to think more accurately about yourself, about others and about the world so that you can make better choices, so that you can have a better life. That's it. That's book club. If you want in on that, same as ever by Morgan Housel. We're six chapters in. You can come in and out whenever you want. It's every single week. We're doing it with or without you. We want you there and please come in and out.
Speaker 2You don't have to have read every chapter. You don't have to have. You don't even have to have read the book. To be honest, I mean, I provide a lot of references to the book even if you haven't. I think one person is still waiting for the book to come in and they're fine. They're still contributing. It's great, and you don't have to contribute either. You can keep your microphone off, keep your camera off. Book Club every Saturday, 12.30 pm, eastern Standard Time. The link to register will be in the show.
