Next Level University
Confidence, mindset, relationships, limiting beliefs, family, goals, consistency, self-worth, and success are at the core of hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros' heart-driven, no-nonsense approach to holistic self-improvement. This transformative, 7 day per week podcast is focused on helping dream chasers who have been struggling to achieve their goals and are seeking community, consistency and answers. If you've ever asked yourself "How do I get to the next level in my life", we're here for you!
Our goal at NLU is to help you uncover the habits to build unshakable confidence, cultivate a powerful mindset, nurture meaningful relationships, overcome limiting beliefs, create an amazing family life, set and achieve transformative goals, embrace consistency, recognize your self-worth, and ultimately create the fulfillment and success you desire. Let's level up your health, wealth and love!
Next Level University
#1493 - Growth Can Be Lonely
Personal growth can often feel like a lonely journey, particularly when stepping out of your comfort zone and diving into unfamiliar territories. This journey becomes even more challenging when you struggle for recognition and constantly feel unnoticed, undervalued, and unappreciated. In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about how your value is not determined by external recognition or appreciation but by your self-perception and self-worth. Understanding that the struggle for recognition often reflects our insecurities and need for validation is essential. They discuss that value is subjective and largely depends on the context. Remember that your value is not defined by external recognition but by your self-worth.
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Show notes:
[8:05] Kevin shared feeling lonely at a podcast event
[14:21] Nicole shares how Kevin and the Next Level Podcast Solutions team help her with her podcast and provide a fantastic experience.
[16:53] Sometimes growth can make you feel lonely than connected
[19:53] Value is contextual
[24:16] The more rare you become the harder it is to fit in
[28:56] Outro
Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed our latest episode. It was episode number 1492. One huge thing to understand when you are fear chasing today for episode number 1493, growth can be lonely.
Speaker 1:Flashback to there's either January or February and I had reached out to an event called Podfest. It's one of the bigger podcast conferences in the world and they were having an event in Orlando, florida, and I wanted to speak. I was leaning into more of the podcast, coaching the podcast, speaking, just being more of the podcast guy. And I said, hey, I was looking, I know it's late, I know the events in like a month, but I was wondering if you had any speaking opportunities available and they said we don't have any main stage stuff, but we actually are looking for some people to do some panels. Here are the list of panels that we have open. Let us know if you want to do one. And I said yeah, I'd love to. And I ended up being on a panel and I Was super excited. I was super excited to go speak on podcasting, something I had never done before, but I had podcast growth university at this point, so I had been doing podcasts on podcasting, but I had never given a speech. What's happening? I had to adjust my mic. Good sir, okay, I can't trust you over there with those smirks. I never know what's going on in that brain of yours. It's, it's fun over here, okay, it's fun. So Alan and I talk about it and I'm like, hey, I think we should, we should do this thing. It's not gonna be paid, but I do think it's a great opportunity. What are your thoughts? You see, yeah, we got to do it.
Speaker 1:So I booked my flight, I booked my rental that was actually the first time I ever drew a drove, a BMW, which led to me getting a new car, so that all connected nicely. Booked my Airbnb, awesome, cool. So I fly down and I'm staying in this. This really nice. It was a brand new Airbnb, it was awesome. I loved it and I get my BMW rental from the, from the airport, and I was like, oh, this is gonna be awesome. This is the week like this, is it? Brand new, bmw, convertible, nice Airbnb. Here we go, go to the event and it's in this amazing hotel right across from SeaWorld. Shout out to. I don't like SeaWorld because of what they do to animals. And I go in and it's like, oh my god, this is, there's a waterfall. This is awesome, this is the best.
Speaker 1:And I go into the first presentation of the day and immediately was like, oh my goodness, this is gonna be terrible. Now I mean this with all the love in the world. But the first presentation I saw was people who had like 15 or 20 episodes teaching people about podcasting and I I Remember thinking to myself, oh, no, no, no, no, yeah, I don't know if this is gonna be good. I might be in trouble here. I might be in trouble. So I sit through that and I met an amazing guy.
Speaker 1:His name was Corey, really, really, really good human. So him and I chatted and we basically spent the entire morning together. Then I went to another. They're called tracks. It's just a room that has a Specific theme. I bounced around all day and I met up with Corey later and I remember saying like, ah, oh, I said what do you think, man? What do you think of this so far? And he said, oh, it's awesome, man, a lot of, a lot of Very applicable stuff. But I'm also understanding a lot of this stuff doesn't really apply to me and I was like I don't want to. I don't want to put any Negativity or take any wind out of your sales, but I also want to make sure you're not.
Speaker 2:You're not being this in the Kool-Aid here. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:I don't, I don't want, I don't want you to leave here thinking one of two things One you can never be successful to, you're definitely gonna be, no matter what, as the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
Speaker 1:So I said if, if we're ever in a room and you ever ever any questions about, like what they're saying, just ask me. I don't know everything, but I I do know more than Humbly, more than most people in this room, just based on our experience. So please use me as a resource if you need me. And I remember I remember the the event finished that day I got in the car and I left and I went back to the Airbnb and I remember just feeling off and I was just sad and I felt depressed that's probably the best way to put it is. I felt depressed and I at one point, was just sitting on the bed crying and I was like what the hell is going on? Like why do I feel so bad? And Then I ordered food, as I would. I don't remember what I got. I got tacos or something and I went to get my tacos and I ate my tacos because I was like hell yeah hell yeah, hell yes.
Speaker 1:Maybe I'm just overwhelmed, maybe I'm homesick. I haven't really traveled. I don't know if I've traveled since I've been married, maybe once, so maybe that's. Maybe I just miss town and miss being at home. I was like I don't know, I don't feel like that, so I don't know if I texted you this day or I might have texted you the next day. Long audio.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I sent I was in South Carolina at the time. Yeah, I remember I was outside, tucker was doing peas and poops and I was listening to your audio.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't remember if it was the first day or the second day. I Don't remember which one it was, I think it was the. I think it was the first day. It was the first day. So I was just like I don't even not explain it I was just depressed, I was super sad, I was super down I'm balling my eyes up in this hotel room and I remember I I Audioed Alan a long message of like dude, I don't know what's going on, but like I don't really feel like I belong here and I thought I was gonna meet so many people that I would feel closer to, but I feel further away from everybody else and I don't know what the hell is going on. And I remember I FaceTime tower and I told her the same thing. I was I don't. I feel terrible, I am like depressed, I am sad. I've been crying. I don't know what's going on. So the next day I went and it was very much the same. The morning was Jeff, but I was gonna be on the panel that that afternoon. So I ended up sitting through the day and I remember I made a conscious decision when I was like I don't know if I'm gonna go to any of these other things. I might just sit outside work until the panel and then I'll kind of take it from there. So we end up doing the panel. And that was interesting. That was really fun. I enjoyed that very much. Being on stage, I was nervous as all heck. That finished, got some really good compliments from people connected with people.
Speaker 1:And then I remember I think I ran into Corey a little bit after. Corey was kind enough to take some pictures for me he's my photographer for the afternoon and I remember he was like what's the next? Where you going? I said I think I'm gonna leave, man. He's like you're gonna leave right now. And I was like, yeah, I think. So. I think I'm done. I think I'm done here. And he's like are you going home? I said no, I'm going home tomorrow. And he's and I think it was a three-day event he said you're gonna come back tomorrow and I said I don't know, we'll see. I don't know if I'm gonna come back. I don't know if I feel up to it.
Speaker 1:So I ended up leaving, going back ordering food again, and same thing I just felt empty. I just felt depressed, I felt sad, I just did not feel like normal kev. And then I think the next day came and I just didn't go. I think it was a half day and I was like I'm not going, I don't care, I'm gonna sleep in, I'll go get a good workout in, then I'll fly home. I don't care, I don't want to, I don't want to go, I don't feel like, I don't feel good about it. So the reason I tell that story Is because I think one of the reasons I felt as bad as I did is because I felt lonelier than I had in the past. Now, and this, this part, always makes me super nervous, so I'll just throw it out there. I don't mean this in any ego way. I don't mean this in any better than way. If you listen to this podcast, I feel safe saying that or saying this, but I just like throwing it out there.
Speaker 1:That event was not created for people like us, who are doing really well in the industry and we have a very successful business in 1500 episodes. Blah, blah, blah. I'm very privileged and I'm very grateful. We've been out, had the opportunity to create this and we've worked very, very diligently.
Speaker 1:But it almost felt like I was.
Speaker 1:I Wasn't supposed to be there. I wasn't meant to be there. I wasn't gonna meet my people there, and I think it was just another one of those Moments of realization that you have through growth of if I'm not gonna find my my people here at a podcast event, where am I gonna find them? And I think that really is what hit me. So I think the reason I felt the way I did is because I was very, very lonely and I expected that all the growth that I had was going to bring me Less loneliness, when in reality, I think it actually brought me the opposite, and I was very, very jarring and I had a moment a couple days ago. I was thinking about it and I was just Reflecting on why I felt so bad.
Speaker 1:I think that's really what it is and I think that's one of the reasons why when I go on other podcasts and people say, wow, you guys have all these episodes, and I get a lot of really kind words, which I'm always very, very grateful for but I almost feel like when I go on other shows, that's when I get to see my people, or when I'm coaching my clients or our clients, that's when I get to see my people, and maybe when I go to another one in the future and I'm on stage with and I have my own speech, maybe I'll feel more like that's my place and those are my people. I don't know and this is nothing against any of the podcasters I may have met who are listening to the show. I don't mean in that way. I just had different expect expectations at what happened then. What happened and I think that was just a lot of it was because of loneliness or feeling of loneliness. What was your experience?
Speaker 2:What was your expectations before versus after.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I think I, honestly, I think I expected to be more valued Is what I would say when you yeah, I expect that what we've created is what a lot of people desire to create. So I expected To be more appreciated than I guess I was and I did. I I got some feedback from other people. A lot of people said it was different than it had been in the past, and I'm again, I'm not crapping on pod fest, I will be going back in the future for sure, but that somebody, somebody else said that too. They said, I don't know, it felt a little different this this year. I think it was the first year post COVID, so that might have it had been virtual for the last year or so because of COVID. So Well, yeah, I thought I thought I was going to connect with a bunch of people and Maybe be seen as more of an a quote unquote expert than I was. I would say, yeah, I put a bullet on the panel. It was very interesting.
Speaker 1:I was on there with three, three other humans, I think, and I can't I don't know how to pronounce his name he's very big on social media, but I don't. He doesn't even have a podcast. I don't think he's got a YouTube channel and a very successful social media, but I don't. He doesn't really have a podcast, so I don't really think he knows that much about podcasting. And again, I don't mean that negatively, but yeah, it was. It was, it was good to be up there, but it was the same thing of yeah I think we're probably doing it differently than than you guys are up here it was probably Not feeling like I was valued at the level that I have worked so diligently to be valued at. I Think that really was what it was, not that I. I don't know, do I expect anybody to treat me differently? No, but If anybody was going to recognize what it's taken to get here, I would expect it to be other podcasters.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's so interesting too, because when you go on other shows I remember I used to go on other shows frequently and I'm actually gonna start back up but Anyone who's a podcaster, early on they kind of Hear how many episodes we have and the listens and how far we've come and the mountain we've climbed and they go, oh my, like whoa. They're so blown away because you know, when you've been a podcaster, you know what it takes. It looks really easy. Everything, I think everything at the professional level, looks really easy.
Speaker 2:You know, you have those people in the stands that are like I'll catch the ball. It's like, well, it was, it was an 87 mile per hour ball. Yeah, you know, and I would love to see you try to catch that. But again, that's like a baseball reference. But the, it doesn't matter. Whatever sport, whatever, you know, it's easy from the stands, right, it's easy from the stands. And and yeah, I guess feeling unseen, unappreciated, undervalued, not understood never feels good. And what is what does it mean to be with your people? It means you feel seen, you feel Appreciated, you feel valued, you feel understood.
Speaker 1:There's a common, there's a common threat, there's a commonality that that men's us all together. Right, and I thought there would. I thought I would feel more of that and I I didn't. Now, again, that could have been on me. Maybe I didn't put myself out there. I'm again. That's the thing. Right, I'm not. This was my experience, is the feelings I had. Could I have done things differently? Absolutely, in the future Will I definitely do. I know what yet. No, I don't. I don't quite know know what yet, but I will. I.
Speaker 1:I had a moment in the gym recently, alan Saturday, friday, saturday. I was in there early squatting and I've been working my way back up with squats and I've been doing a lot of mobility and working Really really hard to get back and my last set was with 315 and I think I did it for six and my last rep was one of those. Oh boy, this is gonna be a real struggle. That like body was shaking when I was pushing it up to the top.
Speaker 1:And there's this, this guy in the gym. I've him and I have connected. We're kind of buddies, we're gym buddies. His name is Jorge and he pulled his headphones off. That's the international sign of hey. I want to say something to you and he's like dude, your squat form is perfect. He's like I don't know if I've seen a lot of people in here squat. I don't know if I've ever seen any squat like you, you know. Thank you, man. I appreciate that very much, thank you. And he's asking me all these questions and it's like that's what it feels like to be valued for something that you've worked really really.
Speaker 1:Dilligently at. But I don't expect that, but it's almost. That's the thing. It's kind of you kind of know when you know more than someone else in something. Yeah, you do, you definitely do you kind of know. Yeah, and I think there's times where other people know that you know more than they do, but they're not willing to give it to you. Yeah, and Jorge was, he was like he gave it to me. It's like awesome. Yeah, I don't know why. Maybe he's more confident, or maybe he, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I don't know more. Humble, very humble dude. Yeah, terrifying, he's like Very humble dude.
Speaker 1:Yeah, terrifying human too. First time I saw him I was like I'm gonna stay out of your way. Dude for sure, definitely so, but just a nice dude hungry to learn. I was showing him the mobility apps I use.
Speaker 2:I don't know, there's a lot of why he's so competent. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of lessons in that.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of lessons in that, but the whole thing, the the entire point of this episode from my perspective, is Sometimes growth is going to be lonelier than it is connecting, and the reason is because when you grow, I think you grow through different lonely lands and eventually you get to a place where because there was times where we had a bunch of podcaster friends and then we kind of kept going and they didn't, and that's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1:And then it was lonely land again, and then we got around certain mentors who had very successful podcastals, like all right, we found our people again and then maybe we moved in a different direction than them. So it has it's been cycles of lonely land and whatever. The opposite of lonely land is Connection land.
Speaker 2:Connection land, connection city. I pulled up a framework called the triad of belonging and if you picture a triangle with belonging at the center, there's in the bottom left there's feeling seen. In the upper part of the triangle, feeling understood, and then in the bottom right, feeling valued. And the reason it's in that order is because if you are not feeling seen, you can't really be understood and if you aren't understood, you can't really be valued, at least not at your true value. So, for example, we have a team member, his name's Brandon, who was a really, really strong football player both in high school and college. When a really successful football player gives a speech and talks about their struggles, brandon sees them, understands them and values them more than someone who's never played, because they get the struggle, they understand what it's like to get hit by someone who's 250 pounds running full speed. And that's kind of what I think you expected at PodFest is these people know the struggle and they're going to appreciate me at a higher level and I can help them. And you were probably pretty let down and maybe because you weren't shining in the way that would have been optimal, maybe because the event should have had you as a speaker and again should have is a loose term, but the lesson for me, the lesson for this episode, I think, is just you don't want to be a country singer at a rap concert and determine your value and your worth based on that, and you don't want to be a country singer at a rap concert. You don't want to be a rap singer at a country concert.
Speaker 2:I think it's important that we all understand that value is contextual and some people I mean famous people talk about this. They say it's, it's, it's insane that I can do this thing and I and everyone around the world knows me, and yet there are people working just as hard as a doctor who have one one hundredth of the success. The economy isn't fair, it's not, it's not supposed to be, and value is contextual. So, instead of, first and foremost, put yourself in positions where you'll be seen, you'll be understood, you'll be valued, but when you're not, just make sure you don't let that leak into your value, because at the end of the day whether it's on the last episode, kev talked about getting rejected by a girl at the gym she has a boyfriend. If he determined, his value is not there because she has a boyfriend. That makes no sense, it's not good for you, it's not constructive. It's not constructive.
Speaker 2:Just like being a podcast guy who's a podcaster at PodFest, who's on stage talking about podcasting, that's a pretty sure bet that you're going to be valued. In this case you weren't, and not as much as you had hoped or whatever, but at the end of the day. And also one last thing I'll share too whether it's conscious or not, being valued is very important to human beings. Being valued is so important. I remember when I I'll tell this very briefly, but in middle school, kev, you'll remember this I was, I looked like a backstreet boy, I had long hair, I was.
Speaker 1:I was one of the hair boys, the bull cut yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, bull cut hair guy, blonde hair, and I looked a lot like Nick Carter, like a very mini version, and the backstreet boys were big, insync was big and hair was big and it was the nineties and I had a lot of. I got a lot of love. I remember I got a $50 bill once on Valentine's Day and the teachers would get so mad at the girls. It was a good time for me.
Speaker 1:Someone stole that from somewhere. Yeah, yeah, someone stole that from somewhere, I think.
Speaker 2:Yeah, probably. And then I everyone else hit puberty and became men and women and I was just a little boy. I hit puberty so late. So late, I mean, I don't think I.
Speaker 2:I was like five foot three or something when I was a freshman in high school and my sister was really popular and I was this really red faced, little short, prepubescent little boy and all the athletes got all the value and I was just this nerd who cared about academics and unfortunately, as a freshman in high school maybe that's changed now, but back then no one cares and I just felt so insignificant.
Speaker 2:And so all of us have felt insignificant at times, whether it's you feeling short at the bar, with the tall guys getting all the girls or whatever, or it's me realizing the athletes get all the praise and the the nerds don't. At the end of the day, find your people. Make sure you're the one determining your value and, yes, put yourself in a position to be valued, because at the end of the day, you know the nerdy kid at chess club is going to get more valued than the nerdy kid on the basketball court and that's okay. And I think you got to be a little strategic, while also making sure you don't determine your value based on the external world.
Speaker 1:And the last thing I would say is use your expectations and then take the lessons and figure out. Try to figure out what it means. That's all self-awareness is, and I was working through that in real time here, but I've worked through it a lot behind the scenes to figure out. What does it all mean as well. So there's, it's gonna happen. You're gonna be, you're gonna have boats of loneliness, you're gonna have boats of feeling on the outside.
Speaker 1:Sometimes that is a necessary byproduct of where you're going. By definition, if you want to fit in somewhere, you're not gonna be able to fit in other places. It's kind of how it works to a degree, right, if I want to be a bodybuilder, I'm probably not gonna fit in with yogis, necessarily, because we just we just value different things. Now, can I partake in yoga? Sure, but I'm never gonna know as much about yoga as somebody who just does yoga, just like they may never, may never know as much about bodybuilding as I do bodybuilding. So maybe it's a sign of, maybe it's a sign of progress, more so than it feels I just had a breakthrough Kev Sure man.
Speaker 2:I've always felt like fitting in has been a challenge for me. Holistic growth actually makes it even more challenging because wanting to be a bodybuilder, yogi, business owner, great, intimate relationship, vulnerable, but also intelligent. But also it almost you become rarer and rarer and rarer and I guess that would be the last, next level nugget I would say which is, the more rare you become, the more challenging it is to fit in. It doesn't mean you can't, it doesn't mean you're alone. It just means just understand that. I mean how many people are healthy, wealthy and in love?
Speaker 1:Not as many that are healthy or not as many that are just wealthy. Yeah for sure.
Speaker 2:It becomes exponentially less statistically normal and I think that you have to expect it to be lonely more than just kind of fitting in.
Speaker 1:Last last thing, I promise I think the reason I felt the way I felt was because I was trying to stand out, not fit in, and I actually fit in more than I expected from a energetic place. I wanted to stand out genuinely, because that's how you get on stage because you stand out, you get the opportunity to speak, because you stand out. I think I was sad that I didn't stand out mixed with also fitting in.
Speaker 2:What if you could stand out by fitting in?
Speaker 1:I don't know what that means. That's more Kev anyway.
Speaker 2:You're more of the connect with anyone type of guy anyway, well, I'm all. That's never going to go away that part I'll never.
Speaker 1:I don't ever want to lose that, but it's like. This is the thing I've worked hardest at for the last six years, so I feel like I'm ready to stand out.
Speaker 2:Maybe that's what it was.
Speaker 1:Like I'm ready for this to be my coming out party of podcasting. Oh, that didn't happen. Okay, damn, what does that mean? So lessons, there's lessons, there's lessons in all of it. Thank you for listening to my TED Talk on growth.
Speaker 1:I appreciate it very, very, very much. We are very excited we have a new department at next level you. It's called next level video production. The reason this came up was I and Alan and the team and everybody realized as much as people probably should have podcasts, especially business owners, coaches, people trying to get their message out there. Not everybody's going to.
Speaker 1:So next level video production I actually interview our clients for an hour. We take that interview and we break it up into social media content and then we share it on your social media for you. So if you're out there and you don't want to have a podcast, you're not interested, but you need content for social media to help show off the level of expertise that you actually have. Please let us know, be happy to talk to you about what that all looks like, and right now it's an up and running department which I am super excited about. So if that appeals to you, please reach out. Kevin at nextleveluniversecom, I'm happy to explain it. You don't have to give me any money. We can definitely discuss it before any of that happens.
Speaker 2:And it's most likely more affordable than you think. It definitely is. It definitely is. We also have a next level monthly meetup on November 2nd 2023 at 6pm Eastern Standard Time. It is called how to Communicate a Vulnerable Truth.
Speaker 2:Kevin and I are potentially giving a speech soon on fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of judgment and similar to what Kevin just did sharing his story about PodFest and not wanting to be seen as talking negatively about PodFest and that was a very vulnerable share. What does it mean to be vulnerable? It means sharing a fear, sharing an insecurity, sharing something about yourself that is scary to share, and if you cannot do that, it will hold you back forever, because people connect with like fears, and they connect with people who are humble enough to show their imperfections, and so that's what that monthly meetup is going to be about how to communicate a vulnerable truth. I promise you will leave with the ability to connect with more people, the ability to sell more if you're in any sort of product or sales position, the ability to story tell better, the ability to speak better, the ability to have a better intimate relationship, because it requires more vulnerability there than anywhere else. So join us and the link will be in the show notes.
Speaker 1:Tomorrow for episode number 1494. For some reason that is a very hard number to say. That can come from the right decisions too. I heard this somewhere recently and I thought it would be a really powerful episode, because we talked a lot about regret in the past, but usually regret is attached to negative things what. Yeah, just a happy person. For those listening, alan is smiling at me and anytime he does, I have to call it out because I don't know, do I have a booger? Maybe it's definitely possible, no bugs.
Speaker 1:So that's what we're going to talk about tomorrow. We hope you will join us Also. You have a wonderful rest of your Wednesday if you are listening to this on Wednesday, as always. We love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU, we join the fans. We have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.
Speaker 2:Stick with it through Lonely Land. Thanks for watching.
