Next Level University

#1529 - What If What's Best For You Is What's Best For Everyone?

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

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Prioritize your self-care. In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros talk about how each person has unique needs and makes different choices. The key is to understand the advantages and disadvantages of our decisions, accept them, and learn to prioritize our well-being without feeling guilty about offering others the best of ourselves. We can create a healthier, more balanced, and fulfilling life by embracing self-care and recognizing its potential to benefit others.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
To learn more about group coaching - https://nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/

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Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

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Show notes:
[2:22] Do what's best for you
[6:31] Understand the contrary and continue to add more
[12:38] Rebecca praises Alan's coaching and the effectiveness of the Peak Performance Tracker in keeping her consistent and moving toward her goals
[13:27] Self-awareness, boundaries, and clarity
[17:16] It's going to make you more of whatever you are
[22:27] Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1528. Your Wasting more time with shortcuts. We did that right we did.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, we did.

Speaker 1:

Today for episode number 1529. What if what's best for you is what's best for everyone? Happy Thanksgiving. If you celebrate Thanksgiving, it's Thursday, so hopefully you get time to spend with your family, your friends, your loved ones, and hopefully you get a lot of food in your belly. I know Alan and I will be definitely eating a lot of food.

Speaker 2:

Also just quick shout out to everyone listening. The listens have been very good over the last couple days. We appreciate you and Keep it up. No, we're very grateful, we are very grateful.

Speaker 1:

We are very grateful. Often times it's I don't know you probably don't have these days as often as I do, because you Planned a lot of this but I do wake up and think how are we doing what we're doing? Still blessed to be able to do this it right now. It's a very challenging time for Alan and I through growth. There's a lot going on behind the scenes, all good stuff, all Constructive stuff, but, as you know, it's, it's a challenge. So why?

Speaker 2:

are we doing growing?

Speaker 1:

pains, part 15? Yes, we should do one of those in the very near future. Why are we doing this episode? Alan has a quote what if what's best for you is what's best for the world? Because I think a lot of us have been Guilted, shamed, judged for taking care of ourselves, for filling up our cups, for being seen as selfish, even though most of what we're doing is for selfless reasons, and and I always think it's good to check in on that because, depending on the people that you're spending time with, you might not get, you might not get this Positive kick in the butt where maybe a lot of other people are saying well, you should be doing more of what I want you to do, you should be doing less of what you want to do. We had a group coaching last night and we were talking a lot about fulfillment. That was what the session was on and really, by the end of it, we were talking a lot about you should be doing what's best for you, not what's best for me.

Speaker 1:

The way Alan lives his life is drastically different than the way I live my life and there were definitely times in in my past where I would have subscribed to hey, alan, you should probably work less. I think you work too much and and the truth of the matter is that's what Alan wants to do. Alan wants to work as much as he does and you might say, well, that maybe Alan's a workaholic. It doesn't mean Alan shouldn't be a workaholic as long as he understands the benefits and detriments that come with that. So if you sat Alan down and said, well, yeah, you're gonna work a ton, but you might not see your friends as much, is that okay?

Speaker 1:

And Alan said, yeah, that's okay. If you work as much, you might not see your family as much as that, okay. And I'll. And said, yeah, that's okay. If we get to the end of that conversation and Alan has checked the boxes on all those things and says, look, I understand the benefits of the way I want to live my life, but I also understand the detriments of the way I want to live my life. I'm okay with it, I'm gonna sign my name on that contract. That's kind of what we're we're talking about today, and one of the reasons I love an episode like this is my perspective on this has changed so much since the beginning of this journey.

Speaker 1:

Mm-hmm in the beginning of the journey I tried to be just like Alan. I Thought that's what I was supposed to be and I think we probably both thought that to some degree. And as we've grown and evolved and got to know each other and got to know ourselves specifically, we've realized that what's best for Kevin, what's gonna create the most fulfilled Kevin, is what's best for Alan and Vice versa. And last thing, before I kick it to you, alan, we said this on group coaching last night. We said look, I'm the one who's going to jujitsu at eight o'clock on Tuesday. I'm the one who ended up getting a new car before Alan, because that Matters more to me than it matters to Alan. I believe that will help me be the best version of myself.

Speaker 1:

Last thing I promised had a call with a client the other day and he shared with me, said yeah, man, I'm struggling financially and I don't I don't really like talking about it with anybody and he said you have anything to Anything you can add.

Speaker 1:

That might help me shift my perspective. And I said for a long time I was really afraid to say that I valued money until I got to the point where I felt comfortable saying having abundance makes me a better man. Not that I'm not a good man when I don't have money, but I'm more capable of pouring when I'm abundant. I just am. I'm more capable of pouring into someone else's life when I feel abundant in my own life. What if that's what's best for me? What if that is what's best for me? That then allows me to give my best to everybody else. Hopefully, by the end of today's episode, you can have your own unique version of that Again. Anytime I'm talking about my specifics or Alan's specifics, I'm saying that just because I know those better than any other specifics, so hopefully you can tap into your own when I'm using us as an example.

Speaker 2:

I was on a podcast yesterday showed up to my man, paul. Kevin also went on this show and he's also a podcast growth university listener as well, which is awesome.

Speaker 2:

Paul was such a breath of fresh air, it was such a great interview and at the end he asked me about this concept of being selfish and he said well, sometimes it feels like you're really selfish when you're chasing your dreams and this kind of stuff. I said I said what if this question? I said what if what's best for you is what's best for the world? What if what's best for you is what's best for others? And he was like oh, and I said you know what's interesting, I wouldn't say that to everyone. I don't think that's good advice for actually selfish people. And here's the fascinating part, and this is the paradox Paul is concerned about being selfish. Therefore he's probably not I can tell you being on his podcast the moment I met him his energy, the questions he asked, his humility.

Speaker 2:

That dude is so service driven, he has a service heart, he wants to add value, almost to the extent where it's like listen, you're promoting me too much. This is still your show. He's so giving and so generous and so service oriented. So for him he's like well, I'm concerned about being selfish. That probably means you're not and that probably means that what's best for you is what's best for others, because when you are an overflowing cup. You're gonna be generous. You're already naturally generous. You're already service oriented, so you becoming more is not gonna be bad. Versus, I would never, ever, ever.

Speaker 2:

I'm thinking of a couple people in my mind and if you're out there listening or watching this, I want you to think of a couple people where that would be terrible advice for them. Think of someone that you would never go up to them and say what if what's best for you is what's best for the world? Because you know deep down, you know it's not. I can think of a few people in my life that are very, very, very self-centered. They're very narcissistic, everything's about them and they don't even know it. They don't even think that. I had another person in book club that says I'm such a narcissist. I said narcissists never.

Speaker 2:

Say that You're not. That's like saying yeah, I'm super humble. These are paradoxes. The people who don't think they're humble are actually the most humble. The people who think they're arrogant are actually the most humble. No one who's arrogant goes yeah, I'm wicked arrogant, okay. So if you think you're not arrogant, you're probably pretty arrogant. If you think you're super humble, you're probably not that humble. If you think you're super selfless. You're probably not that selfless. If you think you're selfish, you're probably super selfless. It's so fascinating how this works.

Speaker 2:

And so for the listeners of our show, you are most likely I can't guarantee it, because I don't know you personally, although I do know many of you personally you are most likely extremely heart driven. You are most likely extremely service driven. You are most likely very generous. You are most likely helping others constantly. You are most likely someone who wants the world to be better. You are most likely someone who is inclusive. You are most likely someone who is supportive. You are also most likely someone who has been bullied Not guaranteed, but there's a high probability.

Speaker 2:

We've learned our listeners. So I ask you, just like I would, paul what if what's best for you is what's best for the world? What if what's best for you is what's best for others? What if what's best for you is what's best for your family? Now, I would never say that to certain people who are already inherently very, very selfish, very, very self-centered and very, very overly dominant and egotistical and that kind of stuff, and that's very real. That's in the world. There's toxic masculine XYZ. But assuming you are not already super selfish, when you get bigger. The world gets bigger when your future gets bigger and brighter and better and you're service oriented. Now you help other people have a bigger, better, brighter future. And I used the analogy last time. This will be the last thing I share.

Speaker 2:

If I am a cigarette company and I sell Kevin $100 worth of cigarettes, his future gets worse and my future gets bigger because I was profitable and he was losing. That's a win-lose scenario. That's a poker game. I have to win in order for him. He has to lose in order for me to win. Okay, that's someone that you never say. What if what's best for you is what's best for the world? No, what's best for me as a cigarette proprietor is not what's best for the world. But if I'm a coach who's inspiring someone else to dream big, believe in themselves, create more, do more, become more productive. Now Kevin pays me $100, my future gets bigger and better and his future gets bigger and better. That is what we're talking about here.

Speaker 2:

Add to the pie. It's not I have to take away from the pie in order for me to win, it's when you grow, you actually add more to the world. When you grow, you add more to your family. When you grow, you add more to your children and then they add more, and they add more and you lead by example this beautiful upward spiral of impact that when Kevin makes more money, kevin now has more money to be generous with, kevin now has more abundance and now he can do a free call for that person in need. Now he can afford the car that he loves. Now he's more fulfilled, now he's on this podcast more lit up. That's what we're talking about. There is a way to put you first and to still be unbelievably generous and selfless. I'm telling you, I've seen that and I've started to actually shift into that more and more and more as I've become more and more wise and as I realized that you can really easily martyr yourself in this life.

Speaker 1:

I said this to the client when we were talking about the money breakthroughs and just that conversation. I said you know what really pisses me off? When I'm scrolling through Facebook and I see someone that I care about who has a go fund me for $2,000 and I just can't pay for the whole thing, for something meaningful to them, like that pisses me off. That makes me so sad. I get so frustrated with myself. I hate it, can't stand it. That's not a bad thing, that's a good thing. I mean, that's me being frustrated that I'm not capable of doing more positive stuff. My belief is that if I do what's best for me, ultimately I'll be able to do what's best for others, which is also what's best for me. That's just the yeah, it's a self-awareness thing too.

Speaker 1:

I think I didn't always. I didn't know. For a long time I didn't really know what was best for me. I knew what was best For me for others for a long time. If I do this, this person's happy with me and we get closer. If I do this, this person's not as happy with me and we get further away. Okay, what does that mean? But eventually and I think this is the beauty of boundaries, when you do get clear on this is what's best for me. Then you can practice boundaries and I think it helps the necessity You're not saying no to things Just because you don't want to do them. Oftentimes we're saying no to things because we know there's another option that's better for us, it's more beneficial for us, it's more aligned for us, it's better for our future us's and I think that's why self-awareness and boundaries and clarity and all those things go together so well.

Speaker 1:

I think that Clarity doesn't make you. It makes you more of who you are. I Don't think money makes you. I think it makes you more of who you are. You doing what's best for you I don't think is gonna make you. I think it's gonna make you more of who you are. And even to Alan's point, we all know that person who's super selfish and If they did what was best for them quote unquote at least what they thought, it would probably make them more selfish. But for you, to Alan's point, I do believe we have the most positive community on the planet. I really do. I think it'll make you more Selfless more of who you are ultimately.

Speaker 2:

But and again, not to blanket statement here, because this I know there's an exception to every rule. One TV show I watch is like, well, there really isn't, because that's what makes it a rule. But the point is is that our community tends to be people who are overly selfless at the expense of self. Yeah, being selfless is awesome, as long as it doesn't it's not detrimental to you. This is the the simple analogy. Let's say, kevin and I each have ten coins. I give him one of my coins and he gives me nothing. Okay, so I become smaller and he becomes bigger. Then I give him another coin and he gives me nothing.

Speaker 2:

Then I give him another coin, he gets bigger, I get smaller. I give him another coin, he gets bigger, I get smaller. We're doing this all the time, we just don't know it. Versus the second scenario where, listen, kev, you have ten coins and I have ten coins what if we Go, use our ten coins and and we buy this bike and let's, let's soup it up and sell it for 50 coins and then let's split the coins now we both have 25 coins Now and, by the way, the person who bought the bike is pumped, they have a new, souped up bike and Then we take our 25 coins. It's like, listen, instead of a bike, let's do a motorcycle Right and let's soup up this motorcycle again. Obviously, you can't buy a motorcycle 50 coins, but the point is it Doesn't have to be a win-lose.

Speaker 2:

There are three scenarios in life. Very last piece, I know we got a jump. There's a lose, lose. There's a win, lose and there's a win-win. Kevin and I are business partners. When we win, the team wins. When the team wins, the listeners and the community win and the clients win. When the clients win, they have bigger, better, brighter futures and then they have more to invest in their own personal development at NLU. So then NLU wins, and Then they refer people because now they have bigger, brighter, better futures, because their friends go. What are you doing, like? What's the deal? You're, you're drawing fire, you're lit up, you're chasing goals, you're doing the oh this, this podcast, nlu. So it's, it's a reciprocal, wonderful ecosystem of win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win-win scenarios and Everybody wins.

Speaker 2:

To Kevin's earlier point, when someone is and this is the last, last, last thing I'll say if you are naturally generous and selfless and virtuous and wonderful, having more money, having more abundance, achieving more goals, putting yourself first is going to make you more generous, more selfless, more wonderful, more fulfilled. If you are inherently narcissistic and selfish and greedy and arrogant, having putting yourself first is going to give you more to be greedy and selfish. It's going to make you more of whatever you are. And I do believe that much of our community tends to do that first scenario where I'll give you one of my coins and it's okay if I don't get anything back. I'll give you another one of my coins, it's okay if I don't get anything back.

Speaker 2:

We have a photographer listener who's amazing Melissa. Shout out to Melissa. She's coming to our next next level Hope Foundation event with and she's going to bring her kids. But we paid her and she started actually charging now and she's awesome at what she does and she's been doing it for 20 years and now she's off to the races. But Kevin and I had that conversation of listen. We should pay her because she might not ask she would do it for free because she's such a good person. Just because she would do it for free doesn't mean she should do it for free. And when she has more she actually is donating to another charity she's doing I forget what cancer fund she's doing but we pay her for the event. We get great photos, we have a great experience. Then she donates some of that to charity. She keeps some for her and her family.

Speaker 2:

See how it's a win, win, win, win, win. With Melissa, everything's a win, win, win, win, win. When Melissa grows, everything grows. But that's not the case with everybody and I think that because of that we're afraid to be that way, when in reality it's just fear. You're not that way most likely. If you are, please turn off the show. I'm kidding. But if you're most likely not like that and if you are, don't hire me as your coach please. There's work If you are.

Speaker 1:

if you are and you made it this far through an episode, then you're on your way and there's work to do. That's fair. There's always an opportunity. I believe it's pancreatic cancer, I believe. I'm not 100% sure, but I believe it is.

Speaker 1:

I think that is accurate. I think, so throw that out there. Okay, if you have not yet joined our private Facebook group, next Level Nation, and you are looking for a group of like-minded individuals who maybe have similar goals or similar fear of judgment, or just want a place where they can be vulnerable, please join. It is the most inclusive place. I genuinely believe that. Again, I believe we have the best community in the world. So if you are listening, you are listening. Whether you're listening or watching, give yourself a pat on the back. The link will be in the show notes, as always. We would love to see you there and, hey, be brave and introduce yourself when you join.

Speaker 2:

Yes, please, please, please, please. All right. So, kevin, excuse me, kevin and I have done. This is our 12th group of group coaching and group 12 is still cranking. We mentioned it in this episode. We did a session. Section 4 was last night.

Speaker 2:

Group 13 will be starting in early January, so there's no better way, in my opinion, to start the year off than with a group of ignited people that are ready to get after it. But what we've found is people are very generous, especially our community during the holidays, which we appreciate, and a lot of times they buy a lot of gifts and we all spend a lot of money during the holidays for our loved ones and things like that. And what we found last year at the beginning of 2023 is holy crap. The people that we want to have in group coaching are coming off of a December where they spent a lot of money. So here's what I'm saying Community, if you're interested in group 13, okay, it comes to $96 per month. I think it's $97 per month for the three months. Please start saving now. Set that money aside. That way, when group 13 starts, you can get right in and we can rock and roll and start 2024 off right.

Speaker 1:

Tomorrow for episode number 1,530, an important perspective shift when it comes to money. So NLU life, love, health and wealth. I know we haven't talked about wealth in a hot minute, money. I know wealth can be a kind of a turn off phrase. So money we're going to talk about money tomorrow for a Friday, a little Friday episode on money. So make sure you tune in tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Make sure you're pouring into your own cup first next level nation.

Speaker 1:

No, work is a good one.

People on this episode

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Alan Lazaros

Host
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Kevin Palmieri

Host