Next Level University

#1557 - Three Things To Work On If You Want To Shift Your Identity

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Share episode

Have you ever felt like you were on the brink of something bigger but unsure how to make the leap? In this episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros take a deep dive into the journey of self-belief and its transformative power in shaping one's identity. It's a candid exploration of the emotional odyssey that unfolds when we challenge the boundaries of who we believe ourselves to be and embrace the process of becoming. It’s a tribute to the human capacity for change and our resilience as we navigate life's transformations. It's a reminder that we are not static beings; we are constantly evolving, learning, and redefining who we are. Embracing change is not just about finding the courage to act but also about having the wisdom to listen—to ourselves, others, and the subtle cues that life presents.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
To learn more about group coaching: https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
Discount Code: NLULISTENER

______________________

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com   

The best way to track your habits is here! Download the app: Optimal - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/optimal/   

_______________________

Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume

_______________________

We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on LinkedIn, Instagram, or via email.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Show notes:
(1:45) A tale of vulnerability
(3:08) 3 places
(6:04) The power of influence: Transformational Leader
(10:04) Embracing change
(11:28) Tim credits Alan's guidance and the Next Level Business Solutions for the transformative impact on his business.
(12:19) Allegory of a Carnival Fun Fair
(14:55) The power of consistent action
(16:18) Humbled or empowered: Drive to Five
(18:08) Take messy actions
(19:32) Plan and give it time
(20:35) Sprinkle a little belief
(23:07) Outro

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

Speaker 1:

Next level nation. Welcome back to another episode of next level university, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your well. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1,556 building self-worth and feel gross, dirty, icky whatever words you want to use today for episode number 1,557 three things to work on if you want to shift your identity. I Don't know if I have a really good story or maybe a better story than this. I Remember at the very beginning of this journey, anytime I would be around someone who had the title of doctor, I would be very insecure doctor, anything that, any medical doctor or whatever, whatever, it was just doctor and I Remember just being nervous and insecure and being afraid of making mistakes and thinking the person was judging me and not being smart enough, all of those things. And I had a moment today and this wasn't the story I intended on using but I had a moment today when I was taking care of some things for some clients and I I did something for one client who is a doctor, and Then I did something for another client right after who is also a doctor, and I had a moment where I said, oh, my goodness, so much has changed, not just over this year, but over the entirety of this journey with my identity around who I think I am, and I thought to myself why it's really hard, alan, at times, because when people ask me, how did you become this, how did you become more confident, self-worth, all those things? It's just so many things behind the scenes, it's just so many things.

Speaker 1:

Going back to a couple episodes that we've done this week, what the podcast is a huge reason for it because of the opportunities the podcast has created. So I think there's really three things Three steps, three checks, three places you must visit in order to shift your identity. One it has to be an idea first, so the idea of I really would like to get to the place eventually where I identify as blink. It has to be an idea, it has to be something that comes into your consciousness that you have I Won't even say you have some belief in the beginning. You have some desire. Maybe desire comes before belief for you. So that's part one idea to belief that it can actually happen.

Speaker 1:

The belief that it can actually happen for me was these doctors didn't know anything about podcasting in the beginning. I had enough belief that I could help them as a podcaster, but there was no way I was gonna help them with any life advice. That was not something I thought I could do. So, idea belief. Third one action. And when you hear us talk about action so often, you got to do the thing Long enough for it to lock in as your new identity. Now here's the beautiful thing. In the very beginning it was Well, yeah, this person is a doctor and they want to be a podcast client. That's an idea I could probably see that's possible. This person is very sweet, is an amazing person. Maybe, yeah, maybe that could happen. Then, after I talked to this person, I had enough belief. Then I took action and they became a client.

Speaker 1:

Then the same process starts over. When you take your idea, sprinkle a little belief on it or borrow a belief from somebody else and then take action, that becomes the pedestal where you can then reshift your identity again and again, and again and again. I think as long as you have these three, you're going to be in a really good place and you're going to have a lot of opportunity to shift your perspective. If you remove any of these, I don't know how sustainable it is. If it's not an idea, it's never going to happen, unless it's luck. That's fair. It's definitely possible. If there's no belief, it's probably not super sustainable. If you take action, you're probably not going to take something internal and bring it into the external world. Get the proof, get the result and then continue the process. That is my thesis for today's episode.

Speaker 2:

Sprinkle a little belief on it.

Speaker 1:

Sprinkle a little belief or borrow it. You go to your neighbor. You said, hey, I need a little sugar and I need a little belief. What do you got? Do you say I'm fresh out of sugar, but I can give you some belief, okay, Cool, I know what kind of neighbors you have.

Speaker 2:

Man, can I borrow some belief? Imagine I'm going to have a YouTube channel one day where I go up to people's doors and knock, knock. Can I borrow some?

Speaker 1:

belief. I'm sure you'd get some answers.

Speaker 2:

You'd get some unique answers, for sure, For sure. I'd probably get kicked off the front porch there. Shout out to Amy Al, the team member. The team member, A team member of ours. She and I had a conversation behind the scenes after. I forget if this was Book Club or Group Coaching or whatnot, but I remember I said I called her a transformational leader. She was like what I said you're a transformed, empowered female, transformational leader. You could tell it wasn't clicking, it wasn't registering. I could tell she didn't identify that way. She's like well, what's that? I said. You know what's fascinating about this? Regardless of whether or not you believe it or think you are or not you are, you are an empowered female, transformational leader and I'll prove it. I Googled it right in front of her. It's really cool.

Speaker 2:

I said what are the chances you're going to lean into this if you don't even know it exists and you don't even know that you are it For our listeners. What I really want to help people understand is you are a leader, whether or not you identify as one. The problem is, and what is the definition of a leader? Someone who has influence, someone who has influence over other people. You're a leader to somebody. Maybe it's your kids, maybe it's your kids friends, maybe it's your friends, whatever it might be, but so, with aim, I pulled this up and I sent this to her. And what's up? I'm actually in what's up right now. What is a transformational leader? Transformational leadership is defined as a leadership approach that causes change in individuals and social systems. In its ideal form, it creates valuable and positive change in the followers, with the end goal of developing followers into leaders. A transformational leader is someone who leads people in a way that helps them become leaders. Amy L does that, regardless of whether or not she knows what that means. So she is a transformational leader.

Speaker 2:

I think one of the reasons why identity bothers me, for lack of better phrasing, is that you are amazing, whether you admit it or not, in something. The problem is we don't self-label ourselves. We let the world label us oh, you're shy, or you're good at math, or you're good at English, or you're a leader or you're not a leader. I'm the type of person that, and the question we all have to ask ourselves is when did you make that decision? Well, a good example for me is I'm not good at reading. I went to special reading classes as a kid and I was told I'm not good at reading and I wasn't good at reading at the time. It was true at the time, that's fair. I got taken out of class, taught how to read, but now I'm good at reading. But would I be if I just let that identity creep in and just stay there? So I asked Kev before this episode. I said is it possible to act consistently outside of alignment with our identity? In other words, can you act outside of who you believe you are? And he said no, not for a long time, not for a sustainable period of time, and I think that I'll share this as well.

Speaker 2:

I often say this in book club and different coaching calls that I'll do. I'll say I want you to get around people that make you uncomfortable at the ego level. What I'm really saying even though that probably doesn't make any sense is you need to get around people who get you to question your identity, not toxic people, because there is that. There's something called gaslighting in psychological terms, where someone gets you to question your identity and question who you are because they want to control you. That is not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is step on stage with Kevin and I and prove to yourself that you can be a speaker, even though it's uncomfortable Of course it's uncomfortable. Do a next level live, and now you live in next level nation. Perfect. So whoa, maybe I can do this. It's going to be uncomfortable, but it's going to help you shift your identity towards something that is now possible.

Speaker 2:

And whether it's Amy talking about transformational leadership or it's someone saying I could never be a coach, or I'm not a coach, or I'm not a coachy type of person, or I'm not a numbers person, or I'm not a reader, or I'm bad at writing, whatever it is, whatever label you've imposed on yourself or you've allowed the world to impose on you, all I'm saying is take back control of this process, because if we, as human beings, are constantly aligning with what we believe we are, who we believe we are. What if we made that decision when we were seven? What if we made that decision when we were 12? Oh, I'm a good baseball player. I'm athletic. That's a good one. Are you athletic? Kev is athletic. Even when he's not athletic, he still thinks he's athletic and he tells a story about how he tried to throw a baseball like he used to. And I wouldn't mind you telling that story. I think that's a good one, but I wouldn't mind you telling that story?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, how would I watch your words? Yeah, would you please tell that story.

Speaker 2:

But that's really what we're talking about here is taking you out of yourself for a minute and understanding the implications of your identity, and then to Kevin's three steps how you can actually shift it if you want to.

Speaker 1:

So the story Alan is forcing me to tell Sorry, no, I'm kidding. Tara and I went to. There's this big fair I think that's what it's called a fair somewhere near where we live. I don't know where it is. I would tell you, but I don't even remember. Is it a big E? I?

Speaker 1:

don't know it's a big fair and they have a carnival. And Tara and I went, we went with Pops and then he ended up leaving and we went to the carnival and there's the game where you have to throw a baseball and you have to break milk jugs and I was like, yeah, okay, what do you want? You just tell me what prize you want, I'm gonna get it for you.

Speaker 2:

First team all state yeah, that's gonna be fine, put the ball wherever you want it. I'm better than all these folks.

Speaker 1:

And then I go and I'm like, yeah, I think it's like I don't know, you get like six balls for five bucks or something. I said five, five will do, will be good. And I was terrible. My goodness, I couldn't. I couldn't hit the broad side of a ship. It was a rule, so we didn't win anything.

Speaker 2:

I didn't win anything that night.

Speaker 1:

But this is really good. That's a really good example. Because, okay, what if this is what we're doing? At all times? You think you identify as somebody who is really good at something, but you don't do it enough to get humbled, accurate. You identify as somebody who is really bad at something, but you don't do it enough because you don't believe you can do it and therefore it's a self-fulfilling prophecy, and you just end up that way forever, quote, unquote. But then, when you get an opportunity to do something that a shy person wouldn't do, and you have a moment of courage and you do it, and then maybe you say, oh, I'm not as shy as I used to be Interesting. Or you go throw a baseball and you bounce it six times before it reaches the backstop and you say I am not nearly as good at throwing a ball as I used to be. One humbles you, one builds you, but both of them create accuracy, more accuracy.

Speaker 2:

I really think it's the drive to five right there.

Speaker 1:

The drive to five. If somebody identifies as shy, you're most likely not going to do things that a shy person would do wouldn't do. If you're somebody who identifies as an athlete, you might not even do something because you think it'll be too easy. There could have been a part of me that said I could win that if I wanted to. I'm not even gonna try. I'm glad I did because it was very humbling. But that's another perspective. If you're journaling, you're doing steps one and two. You're creating ideas and, potentially, belief, depending Depending on your level of journaling and what it means to you. But without the action it's just a bunch of stuff on paper.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, action is the most humbling thing in the world, or the most empowering, but it's also the hardest.

Speaker 1:

I know, journaling's not hard. Writing in a notebook, that's action. Even that is action. Yeah, it's not as hard as doing the thing you journal about, but it's the beginning. It's the beginning steps.

Speaker 2:

It's almost like all of us have this self-concept. I was talking in group coaching yesterday about self-concept and how babies, when they're young I think it's like two, two and a half they look in the mirror and they, for the first time, can feel and see that this is like them, they're a thing, a person, and that's when our quote, unquote ego develops, which is also identity. And it's almost like we have this fixed self-concept that's based on a past version of self and then every action we take is either aligned or not with that to some extent. So, for example, every action before you take it, you have an unconscious expectation of. So, for example, we have an expectation for how this podcast episode will go.

Speaker 1:

The best.

Speaker 2:

Is it going better or worse than you thought?

Speaker 1:

Honestly somehow better believe it or not. Nice.

Speaker 2:

Okay, I would say it's going worse than I thought for sure.

Speaker 2:

For sure, but that's the drive to five. What we mean by the drive to five is accurate thinking. Some people get humbled if they think they're gonna crush it. Some people get empowered if they think they're gonna suck. If you tend to think you're gonna suck, taking action assuming you do is probably gonna give you positive, empowering feedback. If you think you're gonna be awesome, most likely you're gonna have what happens to me not always, but sometimes where it's like, oh my God, I am so much worse than I thought, and it all has to do with identity. It's very, very important. There's certain things that I think I'm gonna suck at. I'm like, wow, I'm not that bad. There's other things I think I'm gonna be great at and it's like, oh my God, that was terrible, just like you throw in the baseball. That was Kevin basing his current level of skill based on the last time you throw a baseball. Which was what 10 years ago or five years ago, or whatever, a long time.

Speaker 2:

And you used to be lights out, right. I mean, you used to be able to hammer that thing, definitely. But, you haven't practiced in how many years before that?

Speaker 1:

I mean what I'm? 34, 15? Probably. I don't think I've thrown a baseball in a meaningful way for 15 and a half yeah, probably.

Speaker 2:

No wonder why you sucked man.

Speaker 1:

Yeah. You don't think about that. You don't think about how long it's been since you did it. You think about what your relationship with doing it is. Yeah, that's fine. That's really what it is.

Speaker 2:

Yep, and if you have a negative relationship with throwing a baseball, what are the chances you're gonna pay money to try to win a teddy bear? What other things are you holding yourself back from because of this fictitious idea of self? I just think you kinda gotta take messy action. You just have to. There's so many benefits and just okay, let's give it a shot, Assuming it's not dangerous. Just give it a shot.

Speaker 2:

Messy action's the way I remember I was on a coaching call one time and the person listening will I'll keep it private, of course, but this person might think this is funny and I remember I said something of like take messy action, just do it. She's like, oh, don't worry, I went naked bunny jumping once, this is gonna be no problem, and I was like what I was like? Okay, yeah, this will be no problem for you. It's that person's identity is that they're adventurous, so they do adventurous things. I'm not gonna do bungee jumping period, nevermind naked bungee jumping.

Speaker 2:

The point is, if you're shy, you're not gonna do that. But what else won't you do? That might be aligned and, more importantly, the dreams and goals that you have, the calling that you have, the courage that you need, the future that you want is going to be through a minefield of things that conflict with your current identity and you're gonna have to figure it out. And then that wasn't aligned. Oh, that was actually better than I thought. Oh, I kind of suck at that. Oh, I gotta get better here. You just kind of have to walk through the minefield with courage, and I don't recommend being reckless to the point where you put yourself in danger. I don't want you to put your life in danger, but you definitely gotta put your ego in danger, for sure.

Speaker 1:

My next level nugget for this episode would be based on the fact that I don't know if I actually planned it. I don't know if I planned the idea of belief, action A lot of it was just necessary to accomplish the goals that we had set, and now I'm very happy and grateful that I have the benefits of that. But I don't know if that I necessarily planned it. My next level nugget would be planet, planet.

Speaker 1:

After this episode, and think to yourself what is one thing you wanna shift about your identity? And then that's the idea right there. And then the belief comes from saying you know what? I'm gonna take a second of courage. I'm going to go with a friend, whatever it is, whatever it may be, and then the action is trying to do it more than once. You're not going to. If you identify as being shy, you're most likely not gonna un-identify that after one speech, one reading, whatever it is. Doing one thing one time it's probably not enough. You have so many reps of the other way. So give it time. Give it time when you're taking action.

Speaker 2:

My next level nugget is sprinkle a little belief on it. Hell yes, and belief in yourself will get you to take action. Action will get you to have feedback, and then that feedback will help you either feel more empowered or more humble both are good and they'll help you become more self-aware, which is super important.

Speaker 1:

If the identity that you are trying to adopt or shift into is someone who is more into growth, more into self-improvement, more into personal development, please join our private Facebook group, Next Level Nation. That, right there is you having an idea, believing that you belong which you 100% do and then taking action. You're in a group with other people who value self-improvement. Boom, that is an identity shift, right there. So Link will be in the show notes, as always. We would love to have you in there.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and if you think you're not gonna fit in, take a leap of faith. Worst case scenario you leave right.

Speaker 1:

It's all good, give it a shot.

Speaker 2:

If I fit in, anybody's gonna fit in. I do think you will. If you listen to this show, you most likely will. I mean, it's a wonderful, wonderful community. The only rule in that community is you can't be disrespectful, that's it. No bullies no bullies are allowed. So if you're a bully, stay out. Group coaching we just ended group 12, the long pause. We just ended group 12. Kev was telling a story. He was talking to his wife, taryn, and she's like 12 groups. You know what's thinking about this earlier. Kev is 12. Groups is three years. Group coaching is still a toddler.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah.

Speaker 2:

In my eyes, it's still a toddler, Three years old you know, but it's a ball of potential and I hope that you join.

Speaker 2:

That's a hell of a plug. Group 13 starts January 2nd. It's a team of 10 like-minded individuals helping you get dialed in 90-day program and it's entirely focused on self-awareness, personal growth, momentum, peak performance, fulfillment the stuff you're gonna learn. This is a very, very, very well-polished product At this point. We've brought 12 groups through this. We've improved it every step of the way. If you've ever done it before, you can do it again. If you're a new timer a new timer, a newcomer please give it a shot. It is $97 per month for three months with the promo code. The promo code is NLUListener and the link will be in the show notes to the website.

Speaker 1:

NLUListener, one word correct, it doesn't matter if it's capital or not.

Speaker 2:

Capital or not doesn't matter.

Speaker 1:

Okay, just wanna make sure, Tomorrow for episode number 1,558, who is the person you feel safest around had a very powerful conversation with a client and, again, I'm a podcast coach, so the majority of what I do is talk about podcasting, or at least you'd think. A lot of the time we talk about life and vulnerable stuff, and I had a really powerful conversation with a client. That was the inspiration for that episode. So we will do that tomorrow. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLUL we do not have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow.

Speaker 2:

Take back control of your own identity. Thanks for watching.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host