Next Level University

#1706 - It May Not Be Your Fault But It’s Your Responsibility

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 35:55

Have you ever considered the power of breaking free from the inherited cycles of toxicity that bind us? In today’s soul-bearing episode, Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros make us realize that while past burdens aren’t our fault, the responsibility to instigate change lies squarely on our shoulders.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level Group Coaching - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
Group 15 - starts on (Tuesday) July 9th, 2024 at 5 PM EST.
Discount Code for NL Group Coaching (30% off): NLULISTENER
Join us on Next Level Monthly Meet-up #30 on June 6th, 2024, at 05:00 PM Eastern Time: “How To Get MORE Of The RIGHT Stuff Done”
https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

______________________

NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

_______________________

Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/
Next Level Monthly Meet-up:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

_______________________

We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

_______________________

Show notes:
(2:05) A noble pursuit
(6:16) Re-establishing connection with ourselves
(10:06) Self-reflection, therapy, and low self-worth
(15:35) Victim or creator of difference
(18:22) Meet like-minded peop

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1,705,. Two Types of Discomfort Freestyle Friday and many other things. Today. For episode number 1,706, it may not be your fault, but it's your responsibility.

Speaker 1

I have a lot of weird thoughts. I'm a strange creature. I think about things that probably don't matter pretty often, and I like it. I'm a huge fan of that. It's one of my favorite things about me. I love that I do. I'm strange and I cannot claim to know what this whole weird thing is for.

Speaker 1

I don't know why we're here. I don't know what we're supposed to do with the time we were given. But if you made me take a guess and you said, kev, what's your best guess? What are we here for? What's the goal? What's the goal of life? I would say the goal of life is to end the cycle of struggles that you dealt with and not pass them on to someone else. One of the things that we're trying to do, and one of the reasons self-improvement is so important to us, is we're trying to break the cycle of things that have happened to us in our path, and I think that's a very noble pursuit. I think that's a wonderful goal If that was a goal for all of us. I think the world would be a much better place If all of our goals was I want to evolve and grow and learn and become the type of person that would never do the things to me that happened to me. Whatever that means, whether it's somebody intentionally doing something or it being a result of somebody unintentionally doing something that they didn't realize was going to affect you as much as it did.

A noble pursuit

Speaker 1

Right, I've been talking a lot about a lot, a lot, a lot recently about when I met my dad when I was 27. And I think one of the reasons that was such a heavy realization for me was I can end. I don't know, we're not going to have kids. Tara and I are not going to have children, so my ending that cycle is going to be very different than somebody else maybe, but for a long time that was my goal. My goal was to be the dad that I never had, and then I think eventually it was like all right, I think that's kind of a For me. It felt more like a shallow goal of. Is that really the only reason I want to have children? I don't know if that's right for me. Let me think on that. But yeah, that's really that's my thought for this episode.

Speaker 1

It probably isn't your fault. Honestly, it most likely isn't. The majority of things that happen to us when we're kids aren't our fault. You're not going back to the previous episode. You don't have a lot of responsibility. You don't have a lot of awareness, you don't know what a lot of it means, but later in life. I think this is why growth, and especially the hard inner work, is so important, because the last thing you want to do is pass on the stuff that you're struggling with to someone else, and I think if I had to make a hallmark card on what life is about, I think it's that. I think it's ending the cycle, ending the cycles that hurt you, so they don't hurt someone else, and by cycles you mean patterns.

Speaker 2

Yeah, whatever you grew up in.

Speaker 1

Yeah, that kind of stuff. I would say toxicity. Whatever the toxicity that you were affected by, whatever that toxicity I was affected by Whatever that toxicity.

Speaker 2

I was on a podcast earlier. Sorry, that's okay. Sorry about that. I was on a podcast earlier. I wish I remembered the show. I know her name. She calls herself Nat Nat B, I guess one of her. There's a story behind the Nat Nat thing. It was wonderful it was. We actually started off with a little meditation, a little breath work got centered. I actually just tried to do a little bit of that on our show in the last episode. I was lounging. We're going to give it a shot. How'd it go?

Speaker 1

Not for me. You still got the dogs out. Or are they back in the cage? No, not for me.

Speaker 2

You still got the dogs out, or are they back in the cage? No, my shoes are still off.

Speaker 1

Nice, I still love that for you.

Speaker 2

You're funny man. I just like to be engaged. I want to be in it.

Speaker 1

You're a weird dude. I want to be in it. Yeah, yeah, I'm surprised you don't have a full suit on. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2

Full suit.

Speaker 1

Tie.

Speaker 2

Pocket square. Be in it, man. You know me, I want to be in flow and engaged. I want this to be let's, let's, put in the work. Oh yeah, I'm a try hard, the ultimate try hard. So, anyways, what was I saying?

Speaker 2

Oh yeah, on that podcast, her name was nat nat and she said something that I thought was really powerful, which was we all when toxicity or trauma happens. Because she asked me a question, she said you're very aware of the trauma responses fight, flight, reason, fawn. How did you retrain your central nervous system to react differently when you you're triggered? I was like, um, I didn't, yeah, it just, I just have to recognize what my patterns were. I said my, my original pattern was fawn, then fight. So I would fawn and appease in the moment with whatever needed to happen in the moment and then, behind the scenes, I would fight to get bigger, better, stronger, and that was my trauma response.

Re-establishing connection with ourselves

Speaker 2

But anyways. So the reason I bring this up is she said what happens when we experience trauma and adversity is a lot of times we disconnect from ourself. We try to, instead of going inward and facing the trauma or the pain, we try to run from it. And we disconnect from ourself because the pain is in ourself. It's in the self, and I talk about this on podcasts all the time. I don't think I talk about it much on NLU, although I probably should. I think we're all righty or lefty. We have professional development.

Speaker 2

I said I was professionally well-developed, I was the resume, cover letter, linkedin, professional development, skills, skills, skills achievement, improvement let's go. I wasn't inner work, I wasn't personally developed, self-improvement. I was improvement, achievement, not self-improvement. And so this whole self-acceptance thing. I've got this pyramid that I made a blog about of self-belief, self-worth, self-acceptance, self-love, self-respect, the inner work, the self work.

Speaker 2

So what happens when we get trauma? And I didn't know this until recently, and hopefully all the listeners can think of their own past it wasn't my fault that my dad died. It wasn't my fault that I had a stepdad who didn't want kids. It wasn't my fault that my mom never faced the trauma of that in a way that was grieving healthfully. So she kind of ran from that trauma and I'll leave it there. But it put me in an environment that had a lot of running from trauma. It put me in an environment that wasn't pro-mental health, wasn't pro-personal development, wasn't pro-self-improvement.

Speaker 2

I playfully joke about this, but I call where I grew up the Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I also know for a fact and I will say this no matter who hears it where I grew up had zero self-improvement. I'm talking less than zero If there's lower than zero. If you can be the opposite of self-improvement, that's where I grew up. If you can be the opposite of self-improvement, that's where I grew up. And I'm just going to call a spade a spade on that one.

Speaker 2

But it wasn't my fault. But it is my responsibility to figure out how to exist in that and figure out how to grow from that and figure out how to have a life from that. So my only thing I could figure out was okay, let me get smarter. That was my solution. I'm going to be smarter than everybody else and I'm going to study more than everyone else and I'm going to work harder than everyone else and eventually I'm going to be in control of my own life. Little did I know all the answers were inside of me. If I just looked within. And we said this on the episode with Nat Nat, I didn't have a journal.

Speaker 2

Now I journal every single day in the Dreamliner.

Speaker 1

I just said never, never, shameless, never, shameless oh uh.

Speaker 2

Dreamliner link in the show notes now I, now I journal every day.

Speaker 2

But I said to her because she had mentioned what's it like being a man in therapy, and I said I often joke men can't even ask for directions, never mind get a therapist. And I was no different in my 20s. If you had said get a therapist in my 20s, I would have laughed. I'd have been like, no, absolutely, I don't need a therapist. What do you mean? And so I was. No, I wasn't above that. But now I can tell. When I talk to men, meet men, work with men, I can tell the ones that haven't done that. Now I can see it. I they're burdened. And it takes someone who's unburdened to recognize someone who's burdened. And so it's this weird thing where it's the water you were swimming in and it's not your fault, but you have got to figure out a way to get into more nutritious water.

Speaker 1

Nutritious water? No such thing. What Water's? Just water, you know.

Speaker 2

You know what a nutritious soil you got. To repot your plant into nutritious soil. There are right. Thanks for ruining my metaphor.

Speaker 1

There's minerals and stuff. So technically I think that's like a part of it. I think one of the reasons that I had such low self-worth is because I thought it was my fault that my dad left. I think that's, and again how illogical I know.

Speaker 2

Yeah, but as a kid.

Self-reflection, therapy and low self-worth

Speaker 1

What are you supposed to think? That's all you can think. That's all you can think. And then it furthers it. Where all of my friends' families tried to bring me in, I'd eat dinner over there, can.

Speaker 2

I ask you something.

Speaker 1

Yeah, of course you can.

Speaker 2

This came up for me and I didn't have the courage to ask it before. No, because this is a public medium, right. This takes a lot of courage. Let's do it. Do you think they were doing that because they pitied you?

Speaker 1

a little bit. Yeah, I had that same sort of thing.

Speaker 2

It's almost like they wanted. I had certain parents growing up that I think knew that I grew up in a tough spot.

Speaker 1

I think they were afraid for us. Yeah, I think you're right.

Speaker 2

I think they were afraid for us. I think they were afraid and I think some of them have been very surprised at where we ended up.

Speaker 1

Honestly, I hope so. I like that. I hope so In a positive way. Right, because it could have gone the other way. It could have been a surprise where we ended up in the other direction, but I think it was. Yeah, I think it was. My nuclear family experience was very different than their nuclear family experience and I think that they could recognize that, recognize that, and maybe they were afraid. If that continues the way it's going, who knows what's going to happen? That's the weirdest thing is, I don't know. Yeah, that mattered, but what you do with that we're going to do an episode on this tomorrow what you do with that is more important than what happened In many ways, and again it, context is important, but at least for me in my situation but yeah, I think that hurt myself worth even worse yeah, why is?

Speaker 1

everybody trying to save. Yep, you know like why? Is everybody? Am I that bad? Like, am I screwed? Am I gonna?

Speaker 2

you know I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Kevin and I have a running joke of just sometimes when he tells stories about his life it's the deeper I go, the more uncomfortable alan gets, and he has to laugh I can't help it.

Speaker 1

Sometimes it's just brutal. That was the way I, that was the way I felt.

Speaker 2

Your reaction to it too is just funny, because you're am I really that screwed? Like, am I screwed I?

Speaker 1

just the way you said. It is funny. It was really hard for me to imagine that people were just that nice, just that nice, and some people I'm sure were, I'm sure some people were that nice. But I yeah, I think I always felt pity. I think it was always that Like oh, how's your, how's your martial arts training going? It was almost like they were looking down Like how's that going for you? I remember here you go, this is a good one for you. I remember there was a guy that used to come into the gas station and he was pretty much like you know, that's not going to happen, right, like you're not going to what happens if you get hurt. You know it's like dude, let me just pump your gas. You know what I mean. You don't have to shit on my dreams. I'm trying to figure out what I want to do here. What did he come in? A Beamer? It was not a Beamer, I don't remember what car it was, but I felt.

Speaker 1

I think I always wonder if one of the reasons I try to live life so differently and all I mean is like not going to college, quitting every job I ever had, doing weird random things is because, at least, if you're gonna look at me and notice how different I am, I can make it in a positive direction. Now, how many people do you know that want to be a professional fighter? Nobody All right, cool, I'm gonna do that. That's what I'll. People do you know that want to be a professional fighter? Nobody, all right, cool, I'm going to do that. That's what I'll do. I'm going to train to be a professional fighter. What are you going to say? You're not going to say anything negative about that. You're going to say, well, really, that's super cool. I remember people used to say do they make money? Make like a quarter million dollars a fight you fight four times a year. You make a million dollars.

Speaker 2

Now it's more than that.

Speaker 1

It's way more than that. In some ways, there's more opportunity, right, there's more opportunity. Imagine if I just went and fought on pay-per-view in front of three million people. It's a really good opportunity to get exposure to an audience if you're a podcaster or a streamer or whatever Musician, whatever it may be. But I think that's one of the reasons I always wanted to do something different is because I already felt different and at least if I'm going to get treated differently, it can be treated differently towards something that is an actual positive outcome. I love saying that I'm a podcaster. Now Love it. When I go to weddings and people say, what do you do? I love it. There's that little piece of me that's like this is going to be different. When I say this, you're going to look at me different because it's rarer Different as in good, different or different as in oh yay.

Speaker 1

Different, as in good, different. I used to get that at my other job. What do you do? Oh, I travel up and down the East Coast and we work on government or state buildings to make them more energy efficient. And what do you mean? Well, I spend weeks at a time on the road and I am a foreman of a crew and we work on these buildings. And, like I was very, it was different. I always liked that, I always knew I felt different. I don't know if I am different. I felt different and for the beginning part of my life, I felt like I was a victim to the difference and then, eventually, it became. Well, I'll just be the creator of the difference. Alright, cool, that sounds cool, that worked pretty well.

Speaker 2

What is it now?

Victim or creator of difference

Speaker 1

Who knows the creator of the difference? Yeah, my life's super weird. My life is super strange. You don't talk to people, really you know what I mean.

Speaker 2

Like you don't have conversations with people.

Speaker 1

I have conversations with people all the time, yeah, but it's like people in the community. Yeah, that's fair.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I go to.

Speaker 1

Jiu Jitsu and people say, what do you do for a living? And it's like I'm a podcaster. Wait, what that? It's different.

Speaker 2

People don't even ask me what I do.

Speaker 1

They probably assume you're. I don't know what they assume you are Insurance salesman probably. Insurance salesman. Hey, you're an insurance salesman out there I actually sell shrimp out of a van.

Speaker 2

Nothing wrong with that, by the way. Oh, that's funny I remember.

Speaker 1

I just remember stuff like that. I remember how I felt. I remember feeling so insignificant. I remember one of my things was when I was sad and I would drink. I would would run away. You're probably going to laugh at this too, Because I always wanted somebody to chase me. It was very. Do you resonate with that at all?

Speaker 2

Yeah for sure For me. I was running away to get alone. I needed solitude, I needed to find myself.

Speaker 1

See, I wanted people to follow me. I wanted to know I was worth chasing. I never felt worth chasing. Makes sense, makes. Makes sense Makes sense, so just a little bit about me.

Speaker 2

Do you think it's unlovable or unwanted or unworthy? Which one of those is the or?

Speaker 1

is it defective? It's a pretty hardcore conversation. I think it's probably defective.

Speaker 2

Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1

I think it's probably defective.

Speaker 2

Yeah, you've never shared this on the podcast, I don't think. But you did share it in a meetup and I think it was fire, which was you were working at the hospital and this was on the meetup. So if you were out there, if you were out there wow, listener if you're out there and you came to the meetup about self-worth how to build your self-worth you'll remember this story because I think I laughed that's my bad, but I also came in with. I think you'd be pleasantly surprised with how much she actually won. So there was this nurse, can you?

Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching.

Speaker 1

tell the story. Yeah, so I worked overnights 11 to 7, and I was hired to be a project person. A project person is kind of maintenance, but not that high up, so like we would strip and wax floors and do stuff like that. Well, I didn't do a lot of stripping and waxing of floors in the beginning. I did mostly housekeeping stuff. So I would clean bathrooms, I'd clean floors, I'd change out needle boxes, whatever had to get done I would do. That was that was my job. And the kid I worked with Adam cool dude, very, very, very, very, very cool. Him and I had a lot of fun together. He said hey, you know that tall blonde nurse on I think it was called Gannett, I think that was the wing of the hospital. You know that tall blonde nurse that works on Gannett, you know her right. And I was like, yeah, I think so.

Speaker 2

In your truth it was yeah, of course I do. I don't know.

Speaker 1

I don't really remember. I don't think I knew her that. No, no, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I think I probably did, but I probably was super shy because I assumed she would never go for me.

Speaker 2

I just want to give you a little context of why I left. She was like 6'1" Okay, fair. She was like 6'1".

Speaker 1

I was the same height back then as I am now.

Speaker 2

I just want to give you a little context. Back when I worked in corporate, there was this one girl in the office it was mostly men at this engineering company and there was this really, really, really beautiful woman that everyone knew right and I thought that you were pulling one of those. Uh, which one you know? It's like hey, did you, did you hear about? Do you know? Uh, janice, uh, which one is that? When it's like, in reality, you 100 percent know because you have a super secret crush on her.

Speaker 1

You're holding back your excitement. I genuinely I don't know if that was the case. I'm not sure. I'm sure I probably knew of her. I don't know if I had a crush.

Unexpected work adventures: Self-sabotage

Speaker 2

I don't know, a tall, beautiful blonde, I'm sure you knew of her. Yeah.

Speaker 1

I'm sure I knew of her, yeah, but he pretty much said she thinks you're cute, she'd like to go on a date. And I was like get out of here, man, get out of here. What are we doing? Why are you torturing me? Get out of here. And he's like no, seriously. She saw you and her and I are friends and she mentioned it and I was like so what? So this nurse, who's like I don't know six inches taller than me, who's like I don't know six inches taller than me, wants to go on a date, just wants to hang out with me. Because I felt so insignificant. I felt there's an unfortunate energetic hierarchy where not everyone, but there was doctors that obviously looked down on me. They're doctors, I'm the guy who comes and cleans after they do what they do Nurses. There were some nurses that were that way too, where we were kind of the for lack of better phrasings the, the peons in the hospital and I could not wrap my mind around the fact that somebody like that would want to spend time with.

Speaker 1

But she wasn't like that no, now you know she wasn't like that. I don't mean like that, not to mention you were she did.

Speaker 2

Did I hung out with her Super athletic?

Speaker 1

Oh, you did yeah yeah, we went on a date, didn't?

Speaker 2

work out Not well no it's not, it's complicated. Well, this is a good lesson too, because self-worth you will deny opportunities. That, yeah, that's what that was, man. And dude in hindsight, I remember back then you were jacked, An athletic, all-star baseball player. You had more value than you realized. That's all I'm saying.

Speaker 1

It's fair, but I think it was fairly shallow value yeah okay. And I didn't think that was going to work.

Speaker 2

Isn't that where we all start? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1

So, yeah, I ended up. I did, did. I went on a date with this person, but for me it was mind blown. There's no possibility I am, I feel, so insignificant where I am in life again, my friends are either I don't know if they were still in college or if they had graduated college, but I would get the call or the text on friday night. I'm like hey, we're, we're hanging out, do you want to come out? It's like no, I gotta work. I got to work tonight. I can't hang out. I'm going to work at 11. That it was so. It was brutal. You want to talk about lonely?

Speaker 1

I told you this I used to go, I would work 11 to 7, and then I would go golfing by myself at 7 o'clock in the morning on a Tuesday, so I'd go, I'd go rent a cart and I'd play 18 holes and then I'd I don't know go get a coffee, go to the gym, hang out, and then I would go to sleep at like two. I'd sleep from like two to seven and then I'd wake up and then I'd go to work that night and then go play another quick and then I'd go to work that night and then go out to play another quick 18.

Speaker 2

I played a lot of golf you did. I was lonely. Were you good? Were you good at golf?

Speaker 1

No, I was terrible. I need to play more for sure.

Speaker 2

Well, this is back to. It's not your fault, but your responsibility. You can make something of it. That's all it comes down to Everyone. You can make something of it, are you? Are you? Maybe you don't have the perfect ingredients to make the best chocolate cake, but you can make something, do you?

Speaker 1

know, one of the reasons that I try to show up the way I do is because I don't want to make anybody feel insignificant. That's one of my key core values as a human being. I, I, if I come on your podcast, do not talk to me about how you're small and nobody knows. I don't want to hear it. Good for you for having a podcast. Don't compare, don't worry about it. The last thing I'm going to do is pour into you, making yourself insignificant. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. I've been there. I don't want to do that. I don't want to do that. I've been there. I don't want to do that. So that's one going back to to make sure it actually touches on today's topic. It's I, it's my responsibility to make sure I don't make someone feel that way. That's my belief.

Speaker 2

As long as you don't dial down who you are to do that?

Speaker 1

I think that's you and I have a different relationship with that.

Speaker 2

Yeah, I had this moment where I wondered to myself if certain people in my life, when you were talking, I mean think about it. Right, if that's the way you felt around her back, then what if other people that feel like that have low self-worth, what if they feel that way around me? I think it's very possible? And then they respond by either avoiding or maybe puffing up or whatever. Just something clicked for me right there and I do feel like it triggers people. I saw I ran into someone from my past at the gym yesterday and yeah, he was a little weird, he was a little wonky and again, it's all good.

Speaker 1

But I think it's energetic. You don't understand. You have such an intense energy. I don't know how to explain it. When I go to Alan's house, usually I we have a running joke at this point when I text him and I'll say I'm Jeff and then I'll just sit outside on the porch. Could be a minute, could be 12 minutes, who knows Depends. And when he opens the door I pretend I'm a door-to-door salesman. I try to sell him something Every time.

Speaker 2

Every single time, Every time. Hey man, have you seen these new backpacks? It's like 7am I still have my hair all crazy.

Speaker 1

Yeah, he's usually a hot mess, I think one of the reasons I do that is because it's awkward seeing you for the first time in a while. It's just like the energetic. There's a presence. I don't know how else to explain it. Now I've given away my defense mechanism, which is a shame, because next time I use it you're going to psychoanalyze me. No, I already knew.

Speaker 2

That's why you were doing that.

Speaker 1

Oh, but I never used to.

Speaker 2

I never used to.

Speaker 1

I have to change my shtick.

Trauma responses: Personal energies

Speaker 2

You know what is helping me understand this and I want to make sure we bring this back to the listeners rather than just talking about me. Emilia has that effect on people too Definitely. And you know how you use the little kiosk thing for a key fob key fob, not kiosk key fob for the gym. And I'm telling you, the dude couldn't do the key fob. He does this all the time, he's in there all the time, but for some reason in our presence he just couldn't seem to do it. He was, and in our presence he just couldn't seem to do it. You could tell he was rattled. And again, that's all fine. I just I don't know if I get it, I don't understand, and I I don't want to be intense and intimidating, I just don't want to not be me Fair.

Speaker 2

And I think that's probably where unlovable comes from for me, which is everyone acts really weird around me and I just want to be. I just want to be.

Speaker 1

Well, for most of your life you haven't been able to be. Yeah, you mentioned.

Speaker 2

No, no, you first you mentioned on yesterday's Freestyle Friday. You said something along the lines of podcasting. Has You're overcoming the fear of podcasting?

Speaker 2

Dude, I don't feel that way at all anymore. I don't. At the beginning, if you had asked me if I was afraid to podcast, I would have said no, not at all. Now I'm actually kind of afraid of it because I'm being more me. So I didn't resonate with you at all on that last day. I mean I did for the conversation. I didn't in terms of that. When you said I don't know if I'm afraid of public speaking anymore, I'm sitting there going. Am I afraid of public speaking? I thought I wasn't afraid.

Speaker 1

You, public speaking, I, I thought I wasn't afraid. You're not afraid of adding. You're not afraid of adding value.

Speaker 2

You're afraid of being disliked. Yeah, I think I'm feeling that more than I used to. I'm actually letting it in yeah I. I could tell that the person I saw at the gym yesterday. They aren't excited, they're not happy to see me, and and that's fine. I guess it just kind of sucks a little. You don't have to be happy to see me, but I trigger people and yeah I just want to live like let's get after it.

Speaker 2

I don't want to even talk, to be honest, but whenever we do end up talking, yeah, I get it, I, I do it. You either puff up or you, or you avoid, or you go docile. It's trauma responses and I remember I there was someone who intimidated me a lot and I I avoided him it was matt and and I.

Speaker 2

I just went in the other room and took a minute because he was just his energy and his presence was so powerful. He had a very empowered energy and he's the man I just, I I mean maybe, yeah, maybe, that's, maybe.

Speaker 1

That's all it is anyways, I again, I don't know. I can't claim to know, but I know I just feel a different energy when I'm around you. That's the best way to put it. I don't know if that's a me thing, I don't know, but it's always been that way to a degree. It's just. Is it more lately?

Speaker 2

Or are you more used to it?

Speaker 1

Great question. I or are you more used to it? That's a great question. I'd say it's probably more lately. I haven't seen you in person in a few months though. Yeah, that's fair, Since Next Level Live a month.

Speaker 2

Yeah, that was different. Well, after Scotland, we're doing a day-long mastermind.

Speaker 1

Yeah, I'm going to have to come up with a new shtick, though I'm not going to be able to sell you anything. I'm not going to be able to sell you anything. I'll have to work on that?

Speaker 2

No, no, I hope you do.

Speaker 1

I'll buy it.

Speaker 2

Have you heard of these new bottles? They have the. It is thundering up a storm outside. I don't know if you can hear that. Yeah, it's super thundering right now.

Speaker 1

I very much enjoy. I hope everyone watching and listening is getting the takeaways from the conversation. Here's the weird thing that we're growing through right now and I'm sure you could probably tell just in the way I'm talking I'm just trying to be more me and I'm trying to figure out who the hell I am. That's always going to happen. But I remember in the beginning, a lot of what we talked about was just stories and lessons and examples that we experienced and I think that's I don't know. I think that's good, I think that's good, but just know that the reason we're telling the stories that we're telling are hopefully so they're valued. Of course, as much as it sounds like I love talking about myself I probably do not as much as you think I do I enjoy it, but only because I want it to be valuable. I hate talking about myself behind the scenes.

Speaker 2

Very rarely do I. The goal is to learn through experience and to bring that experience to the forefront and then learn about it. To bring this full circle, I also have to go to the bathroom before we record our next episode.

Speaker 1

We're not going to record another one, so you'll be good after this.

Speaker 2

Okay, well, the last thing I'll share on this episode is it's not your fault, it's your responsibility. I think there's something in this episode for everybody when it comes to, okay, whatever cards you were dealt, whatever hand you were dealt, whatever resources you have, whatever country you're born in, whatever ethnicity, whatever culture, whatever religion whatever, whatever you can make something of that, and but you have to believe that you can in order to do it and I said this on the last podcast I was on earlier today. Again, shout out to Nat Nat. I don't actually know her full name, so I'm just calling her NatNat. It's NatNatB on Instagram. It was an awesome interview. She NatNatBE, NatNatBE Spelled just like it sounds, but she and I talked a lot about facing who you actually are.

Speaker 2

If you're afraid to not be enough, you've got to look at where you're afraid to be not enough. If you're afraid to be too much, you got to look at what you're afraid of socially, and so maybe you grew up. I had shame around where I grew up, for sure. I didn't have a normal family. My birth father, my last name isn't even Lazarus. My real last name is Alan McCorkle, Right? So how can that not have an impact? And I'm starting to understand, as I get older and more mature, that all of that stuff had an impact.

Speaker 2

And what can I make of it? Because people ask me. Someone asked me on a podcast recently. They said forgive me, but why don't you change your name back? I said, honestly, I have thought about it, but I was given the choice to take this name. It's part of who I am. It's part of my story. I'm the only non-Greek Lazarus, because other Greek people will be like Lazarus your blonde hair, blue eyed, what's going on here, man? But at the end of the day, whatever, that's part of my story. It's been messy, it's been a little messy, it's been a lot of messy. That's okay. I think it's what you make of the mess. That's what matters.

It's what you make of the mess

Speaker 1

Well, that's what we're talking about tomorrow For episode number 1,707, we're talking about is your adversity, your advantage, based on a TED Talk that Alan watched. If you have not yet joined our private Facebook group, next Level Nation, please do so if you're looking for a group of like-minded individuals. If you're not, no worries, no stress, no pressure. And our next round of group coaching starts, oh no, july 9th, and then our next meetup is on June 6th, 5 pm Eastern Standard Time. Group coaching for the next round will be 5 pm Eastern Standard Time. All meetups moving forward will be 5 pm Eastern Standard Time as well, so we can get our restful night's sleep. Oh yeah, I already told everyone what tomorrow's episode is. It is your Adversity, your Advantage, for episode number 1,707. As always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU, we do not have

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host