Next Level University
Confidence, mindset, relationships, limiting beliefs, family, goals, consistency, self-worth, and success are at the core of hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros' heart-driven, no-nonsense approach to holistic self-improvement. This transformative, 7 day per week podcast is focused on helping dream chasers who have been struggling to achieve their goals and are seeking community, consistency and answers. If you've ever asked yourself "How do I get to the next level in my life", we're here for you!
Our goal at NLU is to help you uncover the habits to build unshakable confidence, cultivate a powerful mindset, nurture meaningful relationships, overcome limiting beliefs, create an amazing family life, set and achieve transformative goals, embrace consistency, recognize your self-worth, and ultimately create the fulfillment and success you desire. Let's level up your health, wealth and love!
Next Level University
#1726 - Opportunities and FEARS - Freestyle Friday
In this insightful episode, hosts Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros look into the interconnected challenges of pursuing success. It’s like a delicate dance—seizing opportunities while facing fears head-on. They share personal stories of overcoming those fears and highlight the importance of taking that leap, even when it feels scary. This heartfelt conversation celebrates growth through challenges.
Links mentioned:
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https://www.gofundme.com/f/2024-annual-next-level-hope-foundation-fathers-day-even
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Show notes:
(1:43) Feeling down and self-worth struggles
(2:35) The relationship between opportunities and fears
(4:17) Preparing for a big opportunity
(8:17) Facing relationship challenges
(12:14) Meet like-minded people and jumpstart your journey to achieving your dreams while optimizing your life. Join Next Level Group Coaching. https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/
(14:15) Confronting fears and seizing opportunities
(16:31) The importance of courage in achieving success
(18:58) Reflecting on past and present fears
(22:38) Outro
Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. We hope you enjoyed yesterday's episode, episode number 1725, one Important Thing for Any Level of Success. Today, for episode number 1726, happy Friday. It is Freestyle Friday and I actually have a thought process. I already shared it with Alan. It's a thought process. I don't have it all fleshed out, I don't know where it's going to go, but I've been having a lot of.
Speaker 1:Taryn got home from work last night and she said how are you doing? How was your day? And I said I don't know. It kind of sucked. And she said why? And I said I'm just sad. I'm just sad today, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I feel like my self-worth has taken a little bit of a hit lately. And she said why? What's going on? And I just said you know, I've been taking a lot of everything's awesome and that's not necessarily logical. That's relatively emotional. Things are going to come down, but when you're coming down and things seem like everything's terrible, naturally you're not going to feel so good, right? So that was kind of what I talked to her about and I was thinking today, the journey to whatever your unique version of success is, is super challenging because of two words and two simple words that are way more connected than I think anybody ever tells you Opportunities and fears.
Speaker 1:It could be opportunities and fears. It could be opportunities and triggers. It could be opportunities and insecurities. Opportunities, let's just say positive thing and the negative thing that comes with that. And here's a really good example.
Speaker 1:Okay, you start a podcast and you think to yourself, oh, my goodness, I one day would love to do this for a living. Awesome, eventually you get that opportunity. Well, in order to do this for a living, I'm gonna have to leave my job. Cool, opportunity is there. You face the fear. Okay. Then you get another opportunity to interview somebody who you look up to Awesome. Then the day before the interview, you're peeing your pants because you're scared of what's going to happen. Then that person invites you to go speak on stage Opportunity you would have killed for. Then you have to face the fear that you haven't faced yet. This is coming up for me with the, with the Evan thing, and again, again, I don't want to. I don't want to overly talk about it and beat a dead horse, as they say. I don't really know why they say that, why that's a saying, but it is a saying my apologies.
Speaker 2:Every now and then you'll you'll have these moments live, where you say something and then you realize I have no idea if that's even a line to say yeah and you never thought about it.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I've ever, maybe ever, said that before, so it's like yeah, I don't know if that's it, I'll use a different one next time what came in your mind? Just someone like kicking yes, like a dead horse but why would?
Speaker 1:that be a saying at all. I'll make a new one up, like I don't want to. I don't know I'll make one up, but I had a moment last night where my flights are booked. So I'm flying to Toronto, my rental car is done, the Airbnb is done. When are you going? By the way, I honestly don't even know Tomorrow.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, Two weeks, okay, no, three weeks. Next Level Hope Foundation is on Sunday. You and I record Monday. Oh yeah, we're going to have to get all our episodes done Tuesday. I fly out to Toronto. I'm there Tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday I fly home, oh God. So we're going to have to do all of our episodes that Monday.
Speaker 2:We can't miss, because I am genuinely going to be available Right after the Sunday of Next Level Hope Foundation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's going to be a rough one, and then I'm going to be traveling, so it's going to be a rough week.
Speaker 2:But I had a moment last night where I was thinking.
Speaker 1:you know what's so weird about this. I messaged Evan three months ago and I said hey, Ev, long time no talk. I hope you're doing well. Question for you, man how do we get more speeches? And he said you send a hundred times more messages than you're sending right now.
Speaker 2:It's like yeah, okay, nice. That's the Evan Carmichael, answer. Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1:That's the Evan Carmichael answer A hundred percent Love it. Then not two months later. What's a hundred times zero.
Speaker 2:A hundred, no zero, I'm sorry Zero. A hundred times one, perfect. We're doing exactly what he asked.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no zero, I'm sorry Zero 100 times one, perfect, we're doing exactly what he asked. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't work. If you're multiplying by zero, then not. Two months later he reaches out and says hey, I'm having a mastermind, I'd love for you to come speak on this Opportunity. When I asked, I wasn't looking for him to bring me anywhere. It was like do you have any advice? You've spoken on really big stages, so the opportunity to go speak there is now. I, I'm telling you at the beginning of this, quite literally, this is a dream come true, and you know that, right, this is quite literally for me a dream come true. There's also a massive part of me that doesn't want to do it. Yeah, and I told you this yesterday. I said you said how often do you like do things that you're scared to do? I said every time, pretty much, I don't want to go to.
Speaker 1:Toronto. I don't want you know how much easier it would be just for me not to go.
Speaker 2:It would be awesome yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I would regret it because I'm leaving all that opportunity. I don't know how many of those I've had over the last seven years. Now at least I understand. Oh, you're afraid. Cool, do it anyway. It's not that simple, though. Again, there's bumper sticker self-improvement and then there's real self-improvement. There's bumper sticker awareness and then there's real awareness. There's bumper sticker courage and then there's real courage. This is like the real courage of you having an opportunity. Let's say, you go on a dating app and you say I'd really love to meet someone awesome, and then you meet someone awesome. And then you have that moment where you're getting ready for the date that night and you're freaking out. Well, what if it's not right? What if it's weird? What if I make a dumb joke? What if I'm late?
Speaker 1:Whatever that life is a series of opportunities and overcoming the fears necessary to actually capture the opportunity that we once wanted. I'm convinced that's one of the reasons that a lot of people end up stuck because you might get an opportunity you want and then you might not follow through. Last thing before we go I was in a. Alan's going to laugh at this. Do not judge him, because this is just the way it goes when I tell stories like this. He's not laughing at me, he's laughing at my lack of I don't know what it was.
Speaker 2:I don't think I would laugh if you didn't make it out of it, and I think who you've become and what you've become Through all of it, it might as well be in a comedy movie. That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Maybe one day it will be maybe one day it will be right, mark walberg's gonna be too old to play me, so we'll have to figure out who it'll be, maybe I'll play myself, who knows?
Speaker 1:okay, I was in a relationship uh, my partner at the time was emotionally cheating on me for lack of better framing, uh, but lack of better phrase with someone through text message. I found text messages and I was like yo, what is this? And we had an argument and I was like I, I'm leaving, I'm done with this, this is it and this person said-.
Speaker 1:Talking big talk there. I was talking big talk. This person said oh yeah, yeah, okay, you leave, you get in your car and you leave, and it's done. And I said I know that. I just said that that's what I'm doing. That that's what I'm doing. I'm leaving, that's what I'm doing. You're just telling me what I'm doing. I'm leaving. I know how it works. I know how to get in my car and leave. I'm leaving. Shut the door Probably I don't think I slammed it, but I probably shut it with strength Walk up to my car, open the door, sit down in the seat I don't know. You know I really want to blow this up Over this thing. If I leave, it's over, right? So I tucked my tail between my legs and I walked back down and went back in the house.
Speaker 2:What went through your mind in that moment. Don't know if I can get anyone better. I'm going to have to be alone Right. All the fears creep up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but the opportunity was I kind of did want out of this relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I had the opportunity. And then all of those fears, Just like when you leave a job that's not aligned. What happens.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're so pumped at first. There's a huge weight lifted off your shoulder. It's like was it really that bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you were sitting on the edge of a bed contemplating suicide, like I don't think you should go back. I think it was that bad honestly. Yeah, it was definitely that bad. We tend to find comfort in the old world when the uncertainty of the new world scares the pants off of us, and that is exactly what this episode is in a nutshell.
Speaker 2:So Emilia and I went for a hike. I went fishing for the first time in a long time. It was awesome.
Speaker 1:Ponytail was swinging. It was Just out in nature.
Speaker 2:I got the man bun going man, yeah, yeah, Rocking the man bun. Emilia says only a real man can have a man bun, Especially real talk. I think sometimes I could be mistaken for a female, so I just got to be very secure in myself it is. I just got to be very secure in myself because it is what it is.
Speaker 2:I remember for Halloween once I went to a corporate event as Axl Rose he has that, really. He's the guns and roses main singer and we we dressed up as the whole band and I had the the long Axl Rose hair and one of my colleagues said you would be a pretty hot girl. Very thoughtful. I was like I'm not sure how to take that, sir. Very thoughtful, yeah right, but anyway. So what was I talking about?
Speaker 2:Oh, I went fishing and Emilia and I have these quarries in the back of our condo complex Beautiful and I've always wanted to fish there. I never did, and as if I've been here for three years, it's only been a year and a half two years and so I brought my fishing pole this time and I fished and we caught one. It was awesome. But there's this one section that is kind of like a mini lookout rock and it's very high up. It's again very high up. It's probably a couple hundred feet, not that take.
Speaker 2:We wanted to take a photo. And she I said, oh, go, take a photo, it's beautiful. And she's like, ah, and she's over there and she's kind of scared and I'm sitting there my mind going I'm not gonna be scared at all this is gonna be fine. I take the photo. I said honestly, you're good, you're still far, we're good. I was sweet about it. But and then I get over there, dude, not even a little bit not scared, yeah, and I don't know what the deal is with that, because it's so irrational, right. I'm not even a little bit not scared, yeah, yeah, and I don't know what the deal is with that, because it's so irrational, right. I'm not even that close to the edge. This is like embarrassing with this.
Speaker 1:No, it's a human thing, that's a human thing.
Speaker 2:Some people don't have that or they overcome it through exposure therapy. These rock climbers and stuff man.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm scared for them when I watch their stuff. But to watch their stuff, but I think that's kind of my point is, I think when you're a kid you're kind of scared of everything, but you pretend you you aren't. I think this is the journey and again I'm paraphrasing, so paraphrasing isn't the right word, I'm being overly overly. What generalizing there? It is generalizing okay, you're born and you're scared of everything because you don't know anything and you're a little baby and you're completely dependent, right. Then you become a little kid and little kids don't have big egos or big protectors and they aren't worried about their status or how they look, so they're just afraid of everything. I remember we used to be afraid of coyotes and that kind of stuff. And you're not machoing up yet because you just are a kid. No one expects you to be fearless as a child, right? Quote unquote fearless, by the way, because no one's actually fearless. And then you get into high school and then it becomes really cool to be reckless, like we talked about in the last episode, and to pretend you're not afraid of anything when in reality you actually are. You're just egoing up to compensate for your deep insecurities and inadequacies. Then you get older and hopefully you get humbled enough to where you kind of realize, okay, I'm not immortal, I'm not invincible, and life can smack me down quick if I don't stay humble and so. But then you can't let fear stop you from taking the photo in this metaphor. So I went over there and I got a photo and I was pretty far from the ledge, but it was still scary. And I think there's two ways to approach that. One is to macho up and pretend you're not scared in front of your girlfriend, because that's what girls really want. Quote unquote no, they don't. Or you can just be honest and be yourself. So I was honest and I was myself. But one of the reasons why I'm talking about this is because over time, when you do exposure therapy, exposure therapy, exposure therapy and a lot of therapists recommend exposure therapy, because what does that mean? If you start with a little rock wall, then you do a bigger rock wall, then you do a bigger rock wall, eventually it becomes normal to climb rock walls and then we see these people on YouTube that are doing things that are beyond the fathomability of what we would even consider doing, but then again, in front of a thousand people. Speaking in front of a thousand people is unfathomable to some people too, but we didn't start in front of a thousand people. Speaking in front of a thousand people is unfathomable to some people too, but we didn't start in front of a thousand people. First it was 30, then it was 50, then it was 60, then it was 300, whatever. So it's a ladder that you climb.
Speaker 2:One of the things that I'm working on a lot in my personal growth right now we've all heard that there is no growth in the comfort zone. Nothing grows in your comfort zone. I believe that's true. One of the things that I've been working on a lot is I've been saying this. I said this to a client recently. I said 95% of your success is going to come down to courage. Most of success is just courage. Why do I say that? Because most opportunities are on the other side of the things that you're too scared to do and or the things that are painful. So if I were to really boil success down to only three things, number one would be self-belief and improvement, self-belief and improvement. Number two would be grit, meaning you're willing to do painful things emotionally painful, mentally painful, physically painful, spiritually painful at times. And then number three would be just courage, and which I guess I would couple with humility, because if you don't have humility you'll pretend you're not scared. Then you won't need courage. So I don't mean to complexify this, but I would say 90% of success is probably just courage, which is you have an opportunity in front of you every single day to do something that scares you.
Speaker 2:And I had a client who was interested in someone and she was on vacation and she said I'm so scared to talk to this person. And in my head I had this moment. I said what would I do? She's like you would just go up and talk to her and tell her she looks beautiful. And I said okay, what's the difference between me and you? She said you're not scared and I said that's not true. I'm not as scared. And the reason I'm not as scared is because I've been facing fears. I've been forced to face fears to achieve my goals. By the way, this doesn't make me special. I'm not fearless by any means. That's why I talk about heights, because I am freaked out seriously and I haven't exposed myself to enough heights to where I'm not scared yet. But so I've been facing fears ever since I was a kid, because I had to to achieve my goals, so I'm less fearful of that than she is.
Speaker 2:I said the truth of the matter is you never know what could happen, and you've said this in the past, kev fear chasing, even if you get made fun of. I said what's the worst case scenario? This is called fear setting. What's the worst case scenario? She said worst case scenario. She says thank you, I'm not fear setting. What's the worst case scenario? She said worst case scenario. She says thank you, I'm not interested. That's the worst thing that could happen. So what's the best case scenario? She says you look beautiful. And the best case scenario, by the way, ended up happening. She said yeah, everyone here thinks you're gorgeous, and she talked about how all all her colleagues have been talking about her too. So it went super well. It changed her whole identity to some extent, right, but if she never, it's the confidence conundrum that we I'll let you talk about, kev.
Speaker 2:You don't get feedback. You don't face the fear. Therefore, you don't get feedback. Therefore, you stay more afraid and more uncertain. You don't ever get out of that metaphorical box that you're scared of. And so what are you afraid of? Are you afraid of success? Are you afraid of failure? Are you afraid to look bad? Are you afraid to be embarrassed? Are you afraid to be broke? Whatever the fear is, you have to identify it and then you have to go to work on it.
Speaker 1:I don't know if the fear is ever really going to go all the way away. Agreed, right, if I'm, you know, going on a podcast later, I'm not gonna be afraid because I've done so many podcasts. But if it was a massive podcast that would be for sure.
Speaker 2:So what if? What if you're you are afraid it's just a smaller percentage. So what if? What if you're you?
Speaker 1:are afraid it's just a smaller percentage. I don't think I I mean maybe, but it's so small, you might not even notice it in comparison to the other thing right so if evan is zero to ten, how fear?
Speaker 2:how fearful are you of the evan travel speech, all of it don't worry about the travel, probably like an eight. Okay. So this other podcast you're going on later. Zero to 10? Point two five. Okay At the beginning, what would it have been? It's 10. Nice.
Speaker 1:That's all it is.
Speaker 2:There you go. Yeah, and what's the difference?
Speaker 1:Time, the perception of the Evan thing is you really can't screw this up, because you're being counted on, yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's the weird thing about success too, and I I want to let you talk in a second. But the weird thing about success is when you become more successful. Two minutes, oh no. When you become more successful, people expect more of you yeah and so evan's expecting more of you, and so you are, if you are afraid to let him down the more your expectations get bigger, the more you're going to be afraid. It doesn't actually make it better, it makes it worse, because it's like playing in the major leagues versus the minor leagues.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm also expecting more of myself. If anything, I'm probably expecting more of myself than he's expecting of me. Yeah, fair, I'm willing to bet that, and I think I always am. So that's when it's like new opportunity. I don't know what level of like I have to create. I'm going to create a presentation from scratch and talk about something I've never talked about. Really, I've never done a presentation on what I'm going to talk about. It's like okay, how's that going to go? But I've done that before. I've done that. How many times have I done that before? Every time I did a presentation for the first time, you and I created a presentation or I did it on my own if I was by myself and then we talked about it. Every time you do something new, you're doing it for the first time. It's just something more scary about it.
Speaker 2:How scared are you for this? Compared to the very first speech we gave at Confident Women's Consortium seven years ago, I was way more scared of that. Okay. So, yeah, it does get better, but it kind of doesn't. It's this weird thing. What would you say to someone who, when I say that the world's biggest lie is success, makes life easier? I don't think that lands, because it doesn't explain anything. Yeah, that's fair. What would you say about that now?
Speaker 1:One of the reasons success is so challenging is because it's going to present you opportunities that you have longed for but you don't think you're ready for yet. And then, when you do them, it hopefully will go better than you expect. But then you're going to get another opportunity that you're not really ready for yet and if you want to continue succeeding, you have to keep doing that forever. So if you want to keep succeeding, to whatever your level is, you have to keep doing that until you ultimately get there. But yeah, it's that Opportunities are great. Opportunities can also be triggering when it comes to your insecurities, your fears, your incompetencies, whatever.
Speaker 2:That that's what I would say had to develop protectors and egos in order to get through the the punches in the face along the way and I think that might have been one of the reasons. I had an ego too back in the day it would make sense.
Speaker 1:All right, we gotta hop next level nation if you are in the wister mass area and you want to attend our next level hope foundation event. I believe it is 1 pm to4 pm eastern standard time on. It's actually going to be on Father's Day now Two to five.
Speaker 2:Two to five is what it is. Two to five, yeah. So we set up at one and then two to five. So two to five.
Speaker 1:Worcester YMCA on Father's Day. There was a little miscommunication, so we'll have that. Next Love Nation. We'll have the link in the show notes. We don't know what we're doing for here. Doing our thing, as always. We love you, we appreciate you, Grateful for each and every one of you. And at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We'll talk to you all tomorrow.
Speaker 2:Live with courage. Next level nation.
