#1772 - Saying Yes When You Want To Say No

Have you ever been scared to say yes to an opportunity you’ve worked so hard for? In today’s episode, Kevin and Alan discuss the challenge of saying yes when fear tells you to say no. Kevin shares personal stories, like speaking at Evan Carmichael’s Mastermind, highlighting how courage often means stepping into discomfort. Alan offers another perspective, focusing on the courage to say no to opportunities that don’t align with your true self. Together, they explore the harmony between self-belief and self-worth and how these play crucial roles in achieving success and maintaining personal integrity.

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Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:00

Next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,772, saying yes when you want to say no.

Kevin's cheat sheet

Speaker 1 0:16

If I could summarize all of my quote-unquote success that I have achieved over the last seven years into one sentence of why it has happened, it would be I've worked really, really, really hard to get certain opportunities and then, when I did get those opportunities, even though I didn't want to do them and I was terrified of them, I said yes anyway. Didn't want to do them and I was terrified of them, I said yes anyway, and that very much is my cheat sheet to getting success as an emotionally driven human, because I said this on a podcast the other day. You've heard me talk about this recently and often about the trip to Toronto to speak at Evan Carmichael's Mastermind and speaking virtually on the 4th of July to a bunch of people. And one of the reasons I'm talking about that so much is because that was such a big thing for me. That was a huge opportunity and that was a dream come true and it was many, many things. But one of the reasons I've been talking so much about it is because I wanted to say no when I got presented with that opportunity. I wanted to say no. I was nervous and I don't want to say frustrated, because that's not real, but I was frustrated that I got the opportunity because I knew I had to say yes and I couldn't say no, and that was like the hardest thing.

Speaker 1 1:39

I said this on a podcast recently. I said sometimes the hardest part of success is saying yes to the things that you've been working so hard to achieve, getting that opportunity that you have been working so hard for, and then it's oh wow, that's a real possibility. Now I don't know it's that. It's really easy to talk trash when you don't have the opportunity, but when you get the opportunity, it's like the this, the uh, six minute mile.

Speaker 1 2:10

Alan and I were having a conversation in the gym one time and we were talking about running and I think alan brought up a six minute mile and I was like I could run a six minute mile for sure. How hard could that be? And then we went and tried to do it. It was brutal. So saying something is very, very easy, but when you get the opportunity to do it this is why courage is so important you gotta say yes, and sometimes you're gonna say yes and put yourself in a position that you're not fully ready for yet, but you kinda gotta trust yourself. You have to trust your ability to show up and add value or perform or whatever it is, whatever the thing is. And then you also have to trust your ability to show up and add value or perform or whatever it is, whatever the thing is, and then you also have to trust in your own ability to handle the fallout of whatever goes your way and whatever doesn't go your way. So that's kind of what we're chatting about today.

Speaker 2 2:58

I knew that I would have a little bit of a hard time with this episode. This is a Kev topic and that's not a bad thing. I think it's really good. I think it's probably very, very on point for most people.

Speaker 1 3:11

I think so.

Courage required on both ends

Speaker 2 3:13

For me. I've had a hard time with the courage to say no. That's why I knew I'd have a hard time, because I want to speak from experience and I want to speak authentically and I want to lead by example. The saying yes to opportunities, I think, has actually been a bottleneck for me saying yes to too many things that were outside of alignment. So, rather than just saying that I I have a manifestation equation that has 10 steps that I take my clients through and I've talked, talked about it before, and if you want the asset, it'll be in the Google Drive link in the show notes. But I'm not going to take you through all 10 steps. But one of the steps is what Kevin is referring to and one of the steps is what I'm referring to, and that's you need courage on both ends. You need courage to say yes to the opportunity that is aligned, even though you might be fear that you're going to suck or you're not going to be good enough, or you're not going to be smart enough, or you're going to be laughed at, whatever the fear is. But on the other end of that, you also have to have the courage to say no to things that are not aligned, and that's been really, really the hardest part for me is saying no to things that aren't aligned. So step three is called pay attention. Prime your subconscious mind and your reticular activating system to pick up on the person's, places, things and ideas that are aligned with your original intention. Always keep a sharp lookout for opportunities and allow your intuition to guide you. So you got an opportunity that you've always wanted, that you've been shooting for, working for all that stuff. Then you had to pay attention and have the courage to say yes.

Speaker 2 4:55

Step four is strategize. Strategize about how you're going to give the speech, so to speak. Then measure it. See how you do Self-awareness, all this other stuff, the one that I struggle with most. So in this manifestation equation, I think of it like a hose. Picture a circle with 10 steps. There's always a kink in the hose, so you won't manifest your dreams if you have a really low number on one of these 10. My lowest has always been strict alignment. So I'll read strict alignment. Let me zoom. Okay, here we go. So step seven is strict alignment.

Speaker 2 5:29

Have the courage to consistently say no to all persons, places, things and ideas that are outside of alignment with your original intention. Slash vision. This requires high self-worth. So what you're referring to requires high self-belief. Yep, what I'm referring to requires high self-worth. So what you're referring to requires high self-belief. Yep, what I'm referring to requires high self-worth. In other words, I have to have the courage to say no, I don't want to go to that birthday party or I don't want to go to XYZ out of the fear of being villainized by that person who believes that I should be there, who believes that I should be there. And I've been thinking a lot about this lately.

Speaker 2 6:10

Kev, my therapist, carol, she said something to me that really struck me as fascinating, and my goal, obviously, is to learn from her, and in many ways she's more of a consultant than anything, because she's teaching me IFS as well, because I'm out of state, but anyways. So she said something of you're way more confident than you used to be, and in my head I asked myself well, I never really considered myself unconfident. So what do you mean? She said no, no, no, confident in who you are. That landed.

Speaker 2 6:42

I realized, kev, there's two types of confidence. The first type is the one most people think of I'm confident I can achieve X. I'm confident I can do a six-minute mile. I'm confident I can give a speech. I'm confident I can build that business. I'm confident I can start that podcast. I'm confident I can be competent.

Speaker 2 7:02

External confidence is my ability to achieve. So I think there's achievement confidence and there's achievement courage. I had a lot of those and that's what I thought mattered, but it turns out there's another side of this coin that matters just as much, if not more in some cases, and that's confidence in who you are as a person. And that's confidence in who you are as a person, confidence to show up vulnerably as who you really are.

Two types of confidence

Speaker 2 7:29

Confidence that you're a good person. Confidence that you're the right person. Confidence that, despite some past hurts, that you're a good person. And so what she was trying to share with me was Alan, you're more confident in who you are now, who you really are, because I think a lot of us put on a facade or are afraid to be too much or too little. We've talked about that and so there's external confidence, which I think is what you're referring to, is you get an opportunity and you need to have the courage to say yes. For me, I need to have the confidence in who I am to say no and then, when I get lashed out at, still have the confidence that I'm a good person, even though that other person is upset with me, and I think that you and I have had we've learned a lot from each other because we've had very opposite challenges on this journey.

Speaker 1 8:22

Well, isn't courage just the distance between what you feel you're capable of and the opportunity you have presented in front of you? Isn't that kind of what it is. It's like well, I I mean I've spoken before, but I've never spoken in this way to this many people about this thing. It cannot do. I have enough courage to get me across the line to actually do it. I think that's really what courage is, because you'd have to have a delusional amount of courage to have never have spoken and then go give a speech in front of 100,000 people. It would be like that's not. It's probably not a good amount of courage, unless your self-belief is so high that if things go horribly wrong, it doesn't affect you at all. And maybe that exists. That's not my thing.

Speaker 2 9:05

But even then, I showed you the pendulum earlier. I spelled something wrong on it, so we're going to have to redo the asset. But there was a pendulum in one of my blogs that talked about. On the far left it was you underestimate your own capabilities. And then the far right. So 0 to to ten. So zero is you underestimate your capabilities? Five, drive to five. Five is you're accurate and then ten is you overestimate your capabilities.

Speaker 2 9:35

So in the six minute mile you happen to overestimate your capabilities for sure. And then you got the humble pie and realized you are far less capable in running than you thought. I tend to be on that end of drive to five, as we've talked about, you tend to underestimate. So what we're all trying to do is get more accurate, more accurate, more accurate. And what you just said there is if you've never spoken before and you think you're going to crush a speech in front of 100,000 people, you're probably delusionally overconfident. And I think one of the important things here to understand is all of us are delusional to some extent. It's just what's the percent error?

Speaker 2 10:09

And I talked about that in my yeah, and what and in what direction Exactly? So maybe you're off by only 3% with the six minute mile. You were off by lots of much larger percentage.

Self-worth and Self-belief

Speaker 2 10:21

Yeah, but there's the pain when you're off by a really high percentage. It creates a lot of pain For sure. Yeah, because the size of the humble pie that you have to eat is based on how much you overestimated your own capabilities. But when you underestimate your capabilities, as long as you actually say yes which is the point of this episode you'll actually be pleasantly surprised and feel really good well, I know why it's hard.

Speaker 1 10:49

It's, it's very easy to talk a big game when you don't have, when you don't have the opportunity right in front of you. And the other thing, too, is like you're working for it for so long that it's not like everything you do is working for this one thing. This one thing is just a representation of the next level of opportunity and success for you. This was another speech. I've given lots of speeches. It was an in-person speech. I've done enough. I've done enough in-person speeches. But it was in front of someone who I look up to and someone who is very, very big in our space. It was like, oh, my goodness, I'm speaking to a different audience in a different way, with a different person. That brought me in this is. It's just different. It's just a very, very different opportunity. And I wonder because when you were saying it, it made sense to me.

Speaker 1 11:43

I now think, more than ever, that confidence in yourself is self-worth. I'm really starting to Agreed, because it makes total sense. Confidence in who you are, yes, and the reason I think that, now more than ever, is because if somebody doesn't, if somebody doesn't like you, then it doesn't necessarily affect you to your core if you believe you're a truly magnificent, value-driven, kind-hearted, positive, does-good-in-the-world type of person. But here's where the fine line begins. You can also be delusional, in that I know some people that are wonderful humans and they apologize for being as wonderful as they are because they have low self-worth. Unfortunately, there's other people on the other end who they say well, if you can't handle all of me, you don't deserve me. It's like I understand what you're saying. I understand what you're saying, but there is such thing as what you're saying, but there is such thing as ego and entitlement disguised as accurate self-worth. You can be over with self-worth, just like you can be over with self-belief. It's just really I. It's harder to get humbled because people think you're accurate when you might.

Speaker 2 13:00

Not only that but if you have low self-belief, unconsciously? We've've never talked about this before. I'm sorry to interrupt you. You're good. We all have an intellectual guess I'm going to call it a guess at how much we believe in ourselves. We all have an intellectual guess at how high our self-worth is.

Speaker 1 13:19

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 13:20

But there's an unconscious and subconscious. This is why I recommend, recommend everyone. They go see inside out too. It's it's very good and I'm not going to give anything away. I'm not going to give anything away.

Speaker 1 13:31

It's very good this week, maybe inside out next. Oh really, taryn loves it. She's like I want to see that movie same, so do I.

Speaker 2 13:39

I'm in, so do I? Yeah, the original is awesome. Have you seen the original?

Speaker 1 13:42

I think we talked about this before this was like was it 1992 or something? This movie came out, great film, I don't remember. I remember the cow, the cow that was in the, in the tornado, but great film, great film I'll let you know anyways, big fan I.

Speaker 2 13:58

I want to see twisters as well, I do. Let me know how it is, but anyways. So Inside Out 2, they did a very good job at conceptualizing self-concept. So you mentioned self-worth being confidence in who you are. Self-belief is, I think, confidence in your ability to achieve something externally, your belief in your own capabilities. There's a big difference between believing in your capabilities versus believing in or having confidence in who you are as a person. Because I wanted to ask you this, kev, there's someone in our past he'll know who I'm talking about, we're going to keep it anonymous who villainized you really badly, okay, um, any hints, someone.

Speaker 1 14:42

You helped a ton and they ended up villainizing the hell out of you very unexpectedly I think I know you're talking about continue yeah, they were struggling with their mental health yeah yeah, okay, all right, you know who I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 14:55

All right, did you question your? You being a good person?

Speaker 1 15:01

no, okay, I was. I, I was out. And again, this is not a flex, this is not a flex. But I always go and look at the proof and for me, I was very, very connected to the proof. I was out to dinner for one of Taryn's best friend's either birthdays or wedding celebrations or something in the seaport of Boston and I literally missed the entire dinner because I was sitting outside on the phone with this person who was having they were having some mental health struggles and I talked them down that day and I was there for them the next day. I was on the phone with the police on more than one occasion trying to help them and get them found.

Speaker 1 15:49

When they ran away, I had so much proof that I went above and beyond to a degree. That was not good for me. I lost sleep, I was freaking out, I was so stressed out and again, I'm not saying that to lessen their experience, that's not what I'm saying but that was a really hard time for me too, because every time I'd have a conversation with this person and go to bed, I would think to myself are they going to be alive when I wake up? Am I going to be the last person they talk to. Am I going to get in trouble for that? Is that like a thing? Are they going to blame me? Should I even be talking to this person? So I had so much proof that I went above and beyond. I did probably more than was healthy for me to do because I cared about this person. I didn't want this person to hurt themselves.

Speaker 2 16:37

There's a huge breakthrough here that I've come to understand, Kev. The fact that you didn't question at all on any level whether or not you were a good person tells me that you have confidence in who you are at a greater level than I think I traditionally have had your character.

Speaker 2 17:00

But I also want you to know that you have also been attacked less statistically speaking I'll say that's fair but what I realize is we we had a youtube commenter and we've talked about this before shout out or basically be uh, hateful or or yeah, just hateful, I guess, is the best word I can come up with in this moment that my awards are printed out and fake. And I remember you and I were intrigued by this because you were more bothered by it than I was, and you said well, it's connected to the podcast. They're discrediting the podcast, they're discrediting you, they're discrediting us. I was like Kev I know they're real, I don't care. There's no.

Speaker 2 17:43

When it comes to someone crapping on me for my achievements, that doesn't affect me at all.

Handling criticism

Speaker 2 17:49

I mean, whatever it's real and we're good. When they crap on me as a human being, that's my deepest wound and now that I'm aware of it, it doesn't affect me like it used to, but still affects me. For you, when someone says, oh, that speech was awful, you kind of suck, that's going to affect you. It's not going to affect me at all because I'll know I'll believe the speech was really good, because I do believe the speech is really good and good is relative, obviously right, but it's not gonna. It's not gonna to knock me down. So I think that everyone out there really try to understand which side you're on. Are you more concerned when people question or crap on, for lack of a better phrasing, your achievements or on your character? Because Kevin and I have learned from each other that he gets rocked when people you know attack your success for lack of better phrasing and your achievements. I don't get affected at all by that, but I get rocked when someone attacks my character and you don't really.

Speaker 2 18:56

Because yeah, it's different I I think unconsciously we have a wound there.

Speaker 1 19:06

I think it's different because when the example we were using with the person who was really struggling with mental health, they attacked my character. But I know that they know that they're incorrect. I know that they were hurt and they were frustrated and they were bothered and they were triggered and they were frustrated and they were bothered and they were triggered and they were how is that any different than the YouTuber?

Speaker 2 19:28

That's a third party. They know they're incorrect too. They don't they?

Speaker 1 19:33

don't know they're incorrect. They don't know. They don't know me, they don't know you. They don't know where you went to school. They don't know. Yeah, they're seeing a one minute clip from the podcast, taken completely out of context. They have no idea who we are.

Speaker 2 19:48

but why does that matter?

Speaker 1 19:51

because the thing that has always frustrated me is it's they don't know, like you, just don't know but the other person same with the people who have attacked our character too. Right, I mean, they don't really well, I think that both how much good we do, yeah, but that bothers me too, it just happens less. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, I don't like that.

Speaker 2 20:13

I've had people, I've literally had, but you never questioned your, because I'm just going back to confidence in self versus confidence and achievement.

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Speaker 1 20:21

The two types of confidence. I don't know if it's really connected. The thing that's always bothered me is they don't know the truth. You don't know the truth. It's not that you know the truth and you're choosing to look past it, it's the fact that you just don't know. I had somebody comment one time on one of the videos I posted. He acts like he's out here saving people's lives or something people's lives or something and I was on the phone with somebody who was suicidal the night before, the night before I did that post.

Speaker 2 20:47

So if that comment happened to me, I don't feel like it would have affected me.

Speaker 1 20:53

It might not have. It might not have.

Speaker 2 20:55

But I don't know why. I think it comes down to core wounding and I would say, statistically speaking, when our success is questioned or our achievements are questioned or something gets in the way of our achievements, I feel like it gets to you more than me. When something gets in the way of questioning my character or integrity, I feel like it affects me more than it affects you. That's just an observation. And so, for the listeners, which one do you think impacts you more? Because, most likely, on some level, that's a potential vulnerability when it comes to being manipulated. Because it's just important to be aware of what impacts you most, because I wasn't impacted even a little bit by the achievement thing. And do you connect that to?

Speaker 1 21:41

well, if they think that no, it was about you. I don't like when people talk about you. I don't. It's not Very rarely does that happen to me. I think it's more. I've always been that type of person.

Speaker 2 21:53

But if it did happen to you, would it affect you?

Speaker 1 21:57

I don't know, it depends on I think it depends on what they say. So, yeah, that's kind of an answer right there To a degree. Yeah, I just don't know what it would. I've never really gotten that. I've never gotten. I'm not supposed to be successful. So if you don't think I'm going to be, I don't know if I can blame you. Honestly, I don't know. It hasn't really. It hasn't really happened.

Speaker 1 22:16

But if the thing that goes on in my mind is, if you want to attack my character, we can go back seven years and we can do this whole thing again. We can do it together. You can come on this journey with me and you can try to be as good of a person as I have been every day for the last seven years. And if you can keep up and you can do that, you can say whatever you want, you can talk all the shit you want. I don't think you can do it because it has been brutal and this is also who I am. I feel like I want to be a good person. It's important to me we are taking whatever the opposite of shortcuts are. We are taking those so we can still be good humans and not lose ourselves in this weird ass journey towards success.

What impacts you most?

Speaker 1 23:01

I think that's why it it's like man, if somebody was to see a picture of me with my shirt off and be like, yeah, it must be nice to use filters. It's like no, no, I'm the opposite. I intentionally don't use filters. So what you think is the truth is quite the opposite and you just don't know. And if I could get you to know, maybe you'd get it, maybe you'd understand, and then something would happen. That I think it's that piece where I want them to be aware of the truth. And if, if the truth is, if the speech sucked, I'll be the first to tell you. I'll tell you it sucked. Yeah, we get off all the time. It's like I don't know, man, that was a right piece of shit, that wasn't great. So I don't even know if I'm really worried about that. I don't. I had Evan give me some like it was good feedback, but there was some hard feedback after.

Speaker 2 24:00

Did you do better or worse than you expected Better?

Speaker 1 24:07

did you do better or worse than you expected? Better, nice, yeah. But I was also more scared than I thought I was gonna be. That morning it was like, oh gosh, what time is this?

Speaker 2 24:13

speech at if you could give advice to kev prior to that, like, okay, let's go back in time. What would you say to the kev a week before?

Speaker 1 24:24

This is the interesting thing, kev, I know you've worked so hard on speaking and communicating and you put a lot of time, energy, effort and focus into this presentation. I think the thing that people are going to take away more than anything is you should just be yourself and they're going to like you or they're not going to like you, and it really doesn't matter what you say, because a lot of the stuff in the feedback that I got after was like you're a really good you're. You're a really good person. I really enjoyed your authenticity. I really enjoyed your sense of humor. It was mostly about the character, not the the content. So I probably would have said that somebody Somebody asked me recently on a podcast.

Speaker 1 25:07

They said obviously you've grown a ton and all this kind words and I appreciated that very much. And they said what's the next level for you, like, what's the next internal level for you? And I said for me to really get to the point where, with everything I'm like I am with podcasting, where I just do it and I don't have to think about it. I'm not thinking about what I'm saying. I didn't plan any of the stuff I'm going to talk about. This is just you and I having a conversation. That's what that speech kind of was for me. That was an opportunity for me to get outside of my comfort zone, get rid of the safety nets and just say, all right, let me see what I can do if I just do what I do. And it went really well. And then I get another opportunity to do the same speech, but longer presentation. It's not a speech. I didn't have anything written other than my slides, but it's not like I'm going word for word. Then I got an opportunity to do a longer one and it went even better.

Character over content

Speaker 1 26:11

And I think the reason it went better is because I said just be you. Be you and do you. And what would the old kev have done other than be you? Try to get everything perfect. Yeah, I remember one of our first speeches I, I misspoke one word and I was so upset. I don't remember the word I, I can't remember it, but I'd gone through my presentation like six times and I knew where I was supposed to be at this minute and this minute and I had it all figured out and I remember it didn't feel, I don't know, it felt more like a performance than a, than a authentic thing.

Speaker 2 26:42

Yeah, than an authentic me adding value.

Speaker 1 26:45

Yeah, and I feel like I'm at the stage where I can trust myself more than I have in the past. Doesn't mean I'm not going to prep, doesn't mean I'm not going to do the work. It just means that I'm not going to have my seatbelt on pulled tight the whole time so I can't move. I'm going to give myself a little. I'm gonna extend the leash a little bit. Let the leash go a little bit longer. A little bit longer, a little bit longer. And that, for me, is what the next layer of courage is. It's when it gets easy. It's a new opportunity to extend the leash and be a little bit more courageous. When it gets easy. We're not growing. We're not that conversation about the person dealing with a mental health thing. That's growth for me, because I don't want to talk about that.

Speaker 2 27:28

That's scary, yeah, of course, but that's growth.

Speaker 1 27:31

That's growth for me.

Speaker 2 27:32

Yeah, it's exhausting, it's tough, it's a lot. Lately I feel like it's been so much growth, so much, so many courageous conversations, so many courageous moves, so many vulnerable moments, so many things on the fringe of my comfort zone internally yeah I feel like that's the season that way more internally than externally, but they're. They're connected because yeah, but when right one comes first. I mean right, there was that, internal or external, you sharing about the mental health and that person. But that's vulnerable.

Speaker 1 28:13

It's vulnerable in a different way. I'm not afraid to talk about it. I'm afraid for somebody to mishear what I said or for me to misspeak.

Speaker 2 28:20

And that's definitely a possibility too.

Speaker 1 28:23

Okay, yeah, I don't ever want to come off as unempathetic or that. I don't want to. You know, that's why I started this.

Next layer of courage

Speaker 2 28:32

I started this to help people the chapter I'm in is that realizing that, no matter what you do, you might come off and and that doesn't mean you stop trying, that doesn't mean you say screw it, I don't care about anyone's feelings. That's not what I'm saying. That's not. But I've come to understand years and years and years of podcasting 1750 episodes. When you talk about uncomfortable things, I mean emilia and I talked about a concept in a Relationship Talks event recently that was way outside my comfort zone digital monogamy. I've been unfollowing anyone who's Same. Yeah, and that's a really uncomfortable topic for people because the internet has really blurred what it means to be monogamous, and if you choose not to be monogamous, that's your choice.

Speaker 2 29:24

But Emilia and I have chosen monogamy, both digital and in real life. I guess is what you'd call that. But those conversations, it's exhausting, it's the amount of, the amount of stretching. I'm not only am I going to teach this, but I think we might have kind of. We did some research, we couldn't find it anywhere. It's. I don't want to say we invented it, but it's definitely something that's.

Speaker 2 29:48

It's newer for's newer and it's something that Emilia and I decided, more harder than me, but we decided together and it's something that we're embarking on. That's new and, yeah, it's just that's what I'm growing through right now that's the chapter I'm in is confidence in who I am, not being perfect but despite being imperfect, confidence in who I am, while failing forward and while being judged and or criticized and or lashed out at, because I think that's another level of being in this space. Is there anyone who's a famous podcaster? We're not famous podcasters and, again, famous is a relative term, so I guess, in our own small way maybe, but the point is, is there any famous podcaster who doesn't have any hate?

Speaker 1 30:51

No, no matter what you do, I don't think there's anybody that doesn't have any hate no, no matter what you do, I don't think there's anybody that doesn't have any hate.

Speaker 2 30:58

Yeah, and so you. You can spend your whole life trying to minimize that at the expense of contorting yourself into something you're not, and you can try to be as heart-driven as possible, but we're heart-driven and no BS. That's a hell of a combo.

Speaker 1 31:12

I wouldn't change it At the end of the day it is. It's kind of one of those things of well and we'll hop after this, because I know this is a longer one, but maybe that is what the courage is for you. It's getting a negative review and then showing up the next day and doing it again. Or messing up the recipe and then showing up again, striking out, then showing up again and striking out, showing up again. Really, that's all it is. It's just showing up again. Just try to show up. If that's what the most amount of courage you can practice is, that's progress. Just, courage is different. It looks different for everybody.

Speaker 2 31:45

Let's say, we get a review on this episode and one of them says, hey, that episode is garbage. You guys suck at speaking.

Speaker 1 31:55

Yeah.

Speaker 2 31:56

And the other one is hey, you guys are frauds. Second one and you? What'd you say?

Speaker 1 32:03

Second one. Second one bothers me more than the first one.

Speaker 2 32:08

Okay.

Alan's confidence and courage

Speaker 1 32:08

That's why it didn't land earlier. Second one Because it's statistically. Statistically, I can put me up against other people that are speaking and I think I'm going to be just as good as them, but you can't see character. You can't really see it. Because here's the truth you know how many people are faking their characters? We know a lot of them. Yeah, a A lot of them.

Speaker 2 32:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair, so it's almost like that's why it didn't land earlier, when I was saying yeah, yeah, probably I got you. Probably, but they would both bother you. Yeah, the first one wouldn't bother me at all. I mean at all.

Speaker 1 32:41

That would be less it would bother me. Hey, you guys are garbage speakers and please be honest about this too, because I think a lot of people hate that stuff.

Speaker 2 32:57

Two, two out of ten, okay two.

Speaker 1 32:57

And the second one Get on stage. Cool, let's get on stage then. That's what my thought. Let's do it. We could do it together. I will get on stage with you and if you do better than me, awesome, strong work. But who are you comparing me to you? What are you comparing me to?

Speaker 2 33:12

I know.

Speaker 1 33:13

No one. It doesn't make any sense. I know, I know and again, this is why you be very careful when you look at the comments.

Speaker 2 33:24

You also got to kind of get a life too, because it's like well, if you spent half as much time hating on our show as you did doing your own, I think you'd probably.

Speaker 1 33:29

Yeah, you'd be further along.

Speaker 2 33:30

Mostly You'd be further along, okay, yeah, but that's fascinating and I guess, for the listeners, which of those would bother you more? Is it someone attacking your skills or is it someone attacking your character? And obviously they both bother you. But I think there's something in there, because the first one, for me, wouldn't even be on the Richter scale. It would almost be irrelevant in a way, which I'm trying to figure out. Why? Why don't I care about that at all? Because that's kind of mean.

Speaker 1 33:58

It's not nice.

Speaker 2 33:59

But the second one would be. Actually, I don't even know if the second one would bother me, because it's a stranger- yeah, but I think you're weird in that, or I'm weird in that.

Speaker 1 34:18

I don't know no no, I'm weird in that, I think, but if it was someone who actually knew me, who I work with, who knows?

Speaker 2 34:21

the real me, then it would bother me. It's almost like they're wrong. That is harder for me. I know they're wrong too when I really think about it deep down, but I'm always trying to look for what one percent truth there might be yeah, that's fair and that's really been.

Negative comments

Speaker 2 34:37

There's a reference that I use. I know we gotta jump the hobbit. There's a dragon that has one scale missing. Oh boy, and you know spoiler alert in the hobbit books and movies they kill the dragon with shooting an arrow in the one part where the armor is chinked. The armor is broken and I feel sometimes like some people know just where to poke a sharp stick.

Speaker 1 35:03

Yeah.

Speaker 2 35:04

And sometimes I feel like only people who really get to know you at a deep level can affect me like that. Strangers don't affect me to that extent. It's only people who I think I open my heart to. And it's not like I'm completely impervious to hate comments and stuff Like it still frustrates me for sure, but usually the wound is only poked when it's someone who I care deeply for, who I thought cared deeply about me and for you. I think it's very normal to be frustrated with hateful comments. I think that holds a lot of people back. Kevin, I think you talking openly about that is going to help a lot of people Well, I appreciate that and I appreciate the opportunity to do it.

Speaker 1 35:46

It sucks, it's not fun. My new saying is see at the top. You hear me say that all the time. It's like all right, cool, you think I suck, I will see at the top, then We'll see you at the top. And if you get to the top before me, maybe I'll be climbing up after you, but I will see you at the top.

Speaker 2 35:59

That is my new, thing, I hope the best for you.

Speaker 1 36:03

I hope you love your life. I do. I hope all of those good things for you and I'm trying to have as much empathy as humanly possible. I'm gonna keep going and we're gonna keep going and we'll see at the top and if you get there first, save me a seat, and if I get there first I will not save you a seat, and then you can. Then you can earn your seat.

Speaker 2 36:20

That is my all of this drives you and it motivates you. You're in good shape because, trust me, there's a lot more coming if you, if you keep chasing dreams, right, but if it doesn't be courageous and do the next thing.

Speaker 1 36:33

Yeah, do the next thing. I'm not the type of person that's like, oh, haters, I love haters. I don't. I love lovers, I don't love haters. So that's not what I'm trying to attract into my life.

Speaker 1 36:43

All right, if you have not yet left us a review, a positive one based on what we talked about today, we would appreciate that very much, and there's been a lot of new subscribers on YouTube and the podcast platform, so shout out to each and every one of you for doing that Again, at the end of the day, I know it's hard to get better every day, and some days you just don't want to do it. But if you get a little reminder that NLU dropped their daily episode, maybe it'll be an opportunity for you to get 1% better that day, and we will be here. I know at times it's hard to find maybe peak performance partners and growth partners that are reliable we will not miss. We're going to be here every day, in your pocket, so we can help you get a little bit better every single day, as we get better every single day while we do this podcast.

Speaker 2 37:29

Also, if you are not yet on the mailing list, we send out an email every single week of group coaching when that's launching. We have monthly meetups every single month. We have a book club. If you want to be on the mailing list, please email me alan at nextleveluniversecom with your name and email, or kevin at nextleveluniversecom with your name and email and again, front friendly reminder. If you do want the manifestation equation and you want to check in and assess how you're doing on it 10 steps it will be in the show notes as always, we love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you and at nlu we don't have fans, we have family.

Speaker 1 38:05

We will talk to you all tomorrow stay confident and courageous.

Speaker 2 38:09

Next level nation.