Next Level University

#1829 - What Happens When Your Identities Clash?

• Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 40:36

Ready to conquer the chaos of multiple identities? In this episode, Kevin and Alan explore how being a high achiever can sometimes conflict with being a good parent or partner. They share personal stories and simple tips to help you manage the different roles in your life without feeling overwhelmed. You’ll discover how to set priorities, manage expectations, and deal with outside pressures. Whether you’re a parent juggling work or just feeling stretched, this episode offers practical advice to help you balance it all with less stress.

Links mentioned:
Next Level Group Coaching - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/group-coaching/
Group 16 - The 1st call is on Tuesday, October 8, 2024, at 5 PM EST, and the group runs for 3 months. Discount Code for N.L. Group Coaching (30% off): NLULISTENER

Free 30-Minute Podcast Breakthrough Session with Kevin: https://bit.ly/3MAuczF
Free 30-Minute Coaching Call with Alan: https://bit.ly/3ASu9wu

______________________

NLU is not just a podcast; it’s a gateway to a wealth of resources designed to help you achieve your goals and dreams. From our Next Level Dreamliner to our Group Coaching, we offer a variety of tools and communities to support your personal development journey.

For more information, please check out our website at the link below. 👇

Website 💻  http://www.nextleveluniverse.com

_______________________

Any of these communities or resources are FREE to join and consume
Next Level Nation - https://www.facebook.com/groups/459320958216700
Next Level 5 To Thrive (free course) - ​​https://bit.ly/3xffver
Next Level U Book Club - https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/next-level-book-club/
Next Level Monthly Meet-up:  https://www.nextleveluniverse.com/monthly-meetups/

_______________________

We love connecting with you guys! Reach out on Instagram, Facebook, or via email. We’re here to support you in your personal and professional development journey.

Instagram 📷
Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/neverquitkid/
Alan: https://www.instagram.com/alazaros88/

Facebook ✍
Alan: https://www.facebook.com/alan.lazaros
Kevin: https://www.facebook.com/kevin.palmieri.90/

Email 💬
Kevin@nextleveluniverse.com
Alan@nextleveluniverse.com

LinkedIn ✍
Kevin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kevin-palmieri-5b7736160/
Alan: https://www.linkedin.com/in/alanlazarosllc/

_______________________

Show notes:
(1:56) Identity clash as a self-improvement advocate and peak performer

Send a text to Kevin and Alan!

🎙️ Hosted by Kevin Palmieri and Alan Lazaros

Next Level University is a top-ranked daily podcast for dream chasers and self-improvement lovers. With over 2,100 episodes, we help you level up in life, love, health, and wealth one day at a time. Subscribe for real, honest, no-fluff growth every single day.

Speaker 1

If you have three identities and each one of your identity gets 33 and a third percent of you and your focus, when you bring in a new identity, you just theoretically you're bringing it down to 25 percent, or does one get 50 percent and then I split 50 percent amongst the three. That's really.

Speaker 2

I think that's where it's super challenging, I think about the best of the best of the best of the best in things, and I think about the way the system is rigged. To try to figure out what that means. And I don't like our industry. I don't want to say I dislike it. I think it's really important. I want the self-improvement space to grow. The thing that I don't like about it is it's so subjective.

Speaker 1

Welcome to Next Level University. I'm your host, kevin Palmieri, and.

Speaker 2

I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.

Speaker 1

At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.

Speaker 2

Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health and wealth.

Speaker 1

We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits and defining your own unique version of success Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.

Identity clash as a self-improvement advocate and peak performer

Speaker 1

Welcome to Next Level University, next Level Nation. Welcome back to another episode of Next Level University, where we help you level up your life, your love, your health and your wealth. Today, for episode number 1,000, make sure I get the number right here 1,829, I believe 27,. Yeah, 1,829,. What happens when your identities clash? We just did group coaching right before we're recording this. After group coaching, we do a group coaching breakdown with myself, alan and the wonderful Amy.

Speaker 1

And Alan gave me a compliment and said you with certain things. I think it was a compliment, but it was. Yeah, it was a compliment, it was good. He said with certain things, you're really good at adopting a new identity. You do it very, very quickly. And I said the ones I think I struggle with the most are the identities that clash with other identities. So what's a good example?

Speaker 1

Honestly, we have a company that is built on holistic self-improvement and having holistic results. I probably am way less. I'm definitely way less fulfilled, but I probably feel way worse about myself when I'm not in really good shape. I don't feel like I'm walking the. I'm definitely way less fulfilled, but I probably feel way worse about myself when I'm not in really good shape. I don't feel like I'm walking the. I'm walking my talk. What is it? Yeah, walking my talk.

Speaker 1

I don't know if I have any other good examples off the top of my head. It's been a long day, but I imagine. Okay, if you want to be a peak performer and a really good parent, is there some level of resistance based on the fact that how am I going to be a peak performer and a good parent if I identify a peak performer as this? Let's say it's somebody who gets up early and works often and is always consistent and is always focused, and my definition of a good parent being a good parent is being mindful and quality time and all the things that are the opposite of being a peak performer. I can imagine there would be a lot of resistance in that I don't have children, so I don't know. But maybe a good example for a jumping off point for the episode.

Speaker 2

First and foremost, my voice is on the struggle bus. So listeners, viewers, I apologize in advance for that. Yesterday, today, lately has been a lot of podcasting, training, coaching, and that actually ties pretty well with identity, because if you try to do everything, you're going to probably do everything not so well, and if you want to be great at anything, you really have to focus, and we've done a lot of episodes on that. So that's not what this is, but ultimately, kevin and I had to, throughout this journey, this seven-year journey, had to figure out okay, what are the identities that we want to embody and what do those mean and what are the pros and cons of those? And, particularly when it comes to business, what are the things that we're going to pour into improving the most and I do this with my clients all the time what are the top three things that you want to be the best at? And I don't mean the best in the world, I mean the best you, the world, I mean the best you, the best version of you, next level, you pun intended. And so earlier today, I was on with a client and we were identifying the hats, and a lot of females will resonate with this males too, but I think females more is. They wear so many hats. I'm a wife, I'm a mother, I'm a career, I'm a I don't know executive admin. I'm also a coach, whatever it is. I don't have a ton of good examples there, but I do know they wear a ton of hats, gardener, all these different things. Think that from what I've gathered and this is their words, not mine, but my female clients have talked a lot about how women are expected to kind of be good at everything and do everything simultaneously. It's we're doing a relationship talks event next tomorrow. Actually, on this, there's a documentary called fair play that I highly recommend to you and taryn too. I think taryn will love it. I think she'll love.

Speaker 2

But ultimately, when I was on with this client, I said what are the three things you want me to help you do really well at? And she said and this was not in order she said mom is the number one hat. This is your order. That she said them. And then we put them in order after Mom, business owner, owner relationship. So she wants to be a great partner, she wants to be a great mom and she wants to be a great business owner.

Speaker 2

Okay, what does that mean now we have to define each of them and we have to put them in order, and she had this moment of this is going to bad, but I want business owner to be first. I said that doesn't sound bad to me at all. She said, yeah, but women are taught that if you don't put your kids first, you're the worst person ever. I said that's not what we're here for. I'm not judging you, because your kids aren't your entire world. It's okay that you want to be a business owner. That's wonderful and I think in some ways that's healthy, because that's what your dreams are and you'll be more fulfilled and then you'll probably be a better mother. It's not like it's 50th on the list, right? I mean that kind of thing.

Speaker 2

So we put them in order and I think it was business owner, partner, mom, in that order one, two, three. And I said, okay, well, I'm not gonna be able to help you with the third one, so good luck. I'm joking, but I I'm gonna. Let's focus on the first two. We ended up having a whole session about how to be a better partner, because she's in a new relationship fairly new, probably six months or so and I relationship talks coaching. I've learned a ton from Emilia. We coach couples all over the world. It's been great. So I told her the the fundamentals there. But ultimately, the question for this episode is okay, mom, business owner, great partner what do each of those mean? What are the pros and cons of each and where are they conflicting? So if being a great mom means quality time with your kids and being a great business owner means working 80-hour weeks, well, we got a problem.

Speaker 1

Yeah.

Speaker 2

And that's exactly what this episode's about.

Speaker 1

I did my remember how we were talking about I think it was last week. We were talking about my morning routine and how I was going to do it. I had a moment. I did it this morning. So Taryn and I were in Vermont Thursday, friday, saturday, and we came home Sunday. It was awesome. It was awesome, it was amazing, and there I got up at 6. I worked. It was different because I didn't have interviews, so it's not like I had to be done by a certain point so I could get prepared for my interviews, but I got up at 6. I did all my work. I was very productive, extremely productive.

Speaker 1

Today, today's Tuesday, as of the recording of this, I woke up, I went and did mobility. I listened to 20 minutes of the Compound Effect. It was really good, it felt really good. But the reason I don't think I've been doing it is because my identity has been customer service. I am going to wake up and I'm going to make sure everybody is taken care of and then, when, if and when I have time, I'll take care of me, and I know that's basic self-improvement 101.

Speaker 1

You've got to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you do it with anybody else. Yes, I always think, though, I could probably hold my breath long enough to put it on the people around me. I always think that I'm sure I could. It wouldn't take. Goes out in the plane, it just goes out immediately. You can still breathe, it's just the air is much, much, much, much, much thinner and you'll pass out eventually. If there's any pilots out there, which I'm sure there are, please don't, please don't uh say I was completely off, because I'm sure I probably am, but it's hard. One of the hard things for me is that the days that I'm back to back to back all day on calls, I feel like I'm neglecting customer service, and that's my identity. That's a piece of my identity.

Speaker 2

Well, you have the identity of business owner, you have the identity of husband, you have the identity of ultimate cat dad.

Speaker 1

Obviously.

Speaker 2

Obviously you have kitchen Kev.

Speaker 1

Yes.

Speaker 2

Yes, dishman Kitchen Kev. You also have Chief Sales Officer Podcast. Guy, you also have Podcast Guy, podcast Guy. And what was? There was one more that I was thinking of. Hold on, it'll come to me.

Speaker 1

Rapper, bodybuilder, bodybuilder, bodybuilder there's a lot.

Speaker 2

There's a lot of identities that have. Okay, bodybuilder means you weight train consistently, track your macros, track your calories, track your weight, make sure that your sleep, hydration, nutrition, training, mobility. Okay, husband means quality time, fun, unique experiences, proactive thoughtfulness. Business owner means track your finances. Customer service Work a lot, work a lot. And then podcast guy means go on interviews, make sure that these episodes are on point. Review the episodes.

Speaker 1

It is ridiculous when you think about it in this regard it's very challenging to do a lot of things. Well, it just is it is it's to be expected I think the ones that are the most challenging are the ones that you're newly adopting, because when, when we were doing the 10 l and just broke his hip, live no, no, that was my toe, hammered my toe into is it a big one or one of?

Speaker 2

the smaller toes.

Speaker 1

You need that one. I'm not sure it even serves a purpose at this point. My little toe looks like a little candy corn. It's so small there's no way it's. Possibly it couldn't be useful with the size of it. The state of it You're such a ridiculous person. It looks like a little candy corn. It you're such a ridiculous person. It's, it looks like a little candy corn and it can't. I can't imagine. If I, if it was off, it would matter.

Speaker 1

I don't, I can't imagine I would even notice or it would throw everything off. Be like the the jenga tower. What were we talking about before that? Oh when. So when we were doing the 10 pound and 10 week challenge, it didn't affect my relationship nearly as much as I thought it would, because I would just go out and I would just get a salad or something.

Speaker 2

I can't stop thinking about your freaking toe man. I'm going to show it. I'll show it. No, please, please, please, don't All right, go ahead.

Speaker 1

What were you saying? You're going to see a big spike in YouTube listeners. You weirdos out there waiting to see my feet. That is a thing there's a big market for For foot fetishes nowadays, so you can make a hell of a living. If this doesn't work out, I'll take a look and see, kind of. We'll see whose feet are nicer and we can Side tangent.

Speaker 2

This is Ridiculous, but when Emilia and I first got together, she's the cutest feet in the entire world, don't?

Speaker 1

You gotta be careful when you say that around, man, there are going gonna be people that are asking for socks and stuff. Yeah, you know, I'm not worried about our podcast. Yeah, you?

Speaker 2

you, you've been asked for something, didn't you?

Speaker 1

did you get?

Speaker 2

asked about feet or something. Anyways, we we joked and said we're gonna start a company called only only foots. Ah, we're not, we're definitely not.

Speaker 1

It's not even remotely.

Speaker 1

It's not even remotely aligned it already exists, so it already exists. I'm sure there's. You'd be the one millionth and first step of a website that's that's based on feet. I'm naive to all of that stuff. That's probably a good thing. When I was doing the dieting it, it didn't impact my relationship almost at all. One, my diet was much cheaper, and tyron does the grocery shopping. I was like all I need for the week is four pounds of ground beef and rice and then vegetables. Just get me some frozen vegetables. That's it. What do you want for breakfast? I don't want anything. Don't worry about it. I have protein shakes. What are you going to have for lunch? I'm not going to have anything for lunch.

Speaker 2

You're going to have the same thing. You're getting those big bags of the micronutrients Brandon had an issue with he wasn't getting any micros in. The micros on those are no dice. Why not the way they steam, the way they cook them, or something.

Speaker 1

I do the steam fresh. I do the steam fresh ones.

Speaker 2

I would just double check. Oh, this is terrible news. I know, dude, I was devastated too because it's so easy, so convenient.

Speaker 1

Well, that's even that. It's like I am a performer, I'm going to I'm and I know is. Is microwaving my broccoli, the in the package the safest, best thing ever? Probably not. I understand that it's probably not good to microwave plastic. I understand that, but it's a season and I'm not planning on doing it forever. I've only been doing it for the last several years, but you know.

Speaker 2

I'm improving, I'm trying to, I'm improving on other things 1% improvement Check the micros on those. Check the micros, consider it done what I.

Managing multiple identities—work, fitness, relationships

Speaker 1

I know we're joking a lot and we're talking about weird stuff in this episode, but I find that the things, the identities that I've had the longest, are the easiest ones to work other things into. But when you adopt a new identity, it almost throws off the balance of everything else you're doing. If you have three identities and each one of your identity gets 33 and a third percent of you and your focus, when you bring in a new identity, you just theoretically are bringing it down to 25 percent, or does one get 50 percent? And then I split 50 percent amongst the three. That's really.

Speaker 1

I think that's where it's super challenging, where my identity as a bodybuilder is. It has come and gone since being an entrepreneur, for sure, but it's been based on time. Well, I'm a peak performer. I need to get as much done in the business as possible. My workout doesn't matter. Well, if I want to be as holistic as possible, me going to the gym actually matters more than I've given credit to, and it becomes this weird, wonky thing. So this might be one of those episodes where you leave with more questions and you have answers, but if you are someone who has experienced this, which I'm sure you probably have. You're not alone. And I think the only wrong answer is to say, well, I can't be that. I think the better answer.

Speaker 2

So the takeaway. So this is an example. I was in a relationship in the past, my late 20s, and I was an entrepreneur. You remember this, I do, and the most important love language before I even knew love languages was quality time and I identified as an entrepreneur, peak performer, high productivity, very focused, and this person loved adventures and loved quality time. And I remember she had asked me to take two weeks off, essentially to go up where there was no wi-fi, and I said there's no way I can do that. I need to be available right now.

Speaker 2

Now we're, we're gaining momentum and I realize now hindsight there was a huge identity issue there. So I want to be a great partner. I always, have always, wanted to be a great partner, supportive, help them achieve their goals and dreams, which I turn out, turns out. A lot of them didn't care about that at all. Uh, which which? If I'm a peak performer, performer, an entrepreneur, and she's not an entrepreneur and she cares about quality time and she has tons of time, freedom and vacation and all this stuff.

Speaker 2

There was so much conflict in the identity of being a great partner, what it took to be a great partner with someone who quality time is the most important thing and what it takes to be an entrepreneur, especially in the beginning when we were doing everything ourselves. I remember Kevin and I sat down in the studio, stood up in the studio, we were standing and we had a huge whiteboard that's now in my basement and we did a time audit and we wrote down everything, including sleep. There's 168 hours in a week. I still remember that total. So 24 times 7, I guess, is 168 hours in a week. That's, I still remember that. Uh total. So 24 times seven, I guess, is 168, apparently. But we found out that each of us had six hours left over after we put everything down and that was actually before we had a team and after that we realized we were screwed if we didn't get a team and so shout out to the team.

Speaker 2

But that was back around when you and I had relationships that were quality time focused and there's just, there's just no way that you're going to be a great entrepreneur and a great bodybuilder and a great peak performer and a great optimization productive person and a world-class athlete and a great partner and a great father and a great optimization productive person and a world-class athlete and a great partner and a great father and a great mother. I guess that one would. I screwed that one up, but you're it's and, and, and, and, and. Yeah, you need to make the game winnable. You need to understand the. You're never gonna I've been saying this a lot lately you're never going to amplify the pros of something that you're afraid of the cons.

Speaker 2

I was so afraid of success back then, kev, because if I amplified success, you and I got busier and then my relationship would suffer. So it was like caught in a rock and a hard place. I used to have to go over here and make the relationship work, and then go over here and make the business work, and then go over here and make the relationship work, and I was losing my mind and so eventually that had to end and I'm so grateful that it did. To be honest, that was one of the best decisions I ever made and the truth is the hard truth. There's no freaking way that ever would have worked.

Speaker 2

Now I'm in a relationship with an entrepreneur. We have three businesses between the two of us and she's working right now at 7 36 on a tuesday, and I can guarantee you she's working right now. I actually think she's preparing our food, so I guess you can consider that productive. But the point is deep conversations is her number one love language. Goals and dreams and growth are her number one love language. She doesn't care about quality time nearly as much. She still does, but not even close.

Speaker 1

It's not even close it's hard, it's, it's I'm. I want to be very optimistic, but there are only so many ands. Eventually there has to be an, an or I. I want to rap, I do, it's just not, it's not going to happen anytime soon.

Speaker 2

Well said it's I want to snowboard and I want to play basketball and I want to be a great friend. I remember you told me the hard truth about that. It's like, dude, you're not going to be want to be a great friend. I remember you told me the hard truth about that. It's like, dude, you're not going to be able to be a great friend.

Speaker 1

I will be the best man in Matt's wedding, but outside of that, that's kind of it. I don't have many. I have a lot of, I would consider friends and acquaintances, but I don't necessarily spend time with them really. And if anybody else said, hey, are you going to come to my wedding, it's most likely no, I mean, I go to. Taryn has friends that are getting married. I go to support her right. But like I'm not going to be a best man, but it's to support her.

Speaker 2

It's not necessarily yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1

If she said to me, if I said on a scale of 1 to 10, how important is this? And she said 2, I'd say, okay, I'm probably not going to come. Yeah, that's a great question. That's something we used to ask all the time. I haven't asked that in a minute Does it make sense that we're burning down.

Speaker 1

Well, that's a really powerful question, because if it's a 10, then I'm probably going to figure out a way to make it happen. She asked me yesterday so, pops, his birthday is in December or January and his favorite skier is at a competition in Killington, vermont, and she said do you want to come? And I said how important is it? And she said it would be nice, but it's not huge. And I said I can't do it. I can't, there's too much going on. I can't, I don't want, I can't invest the money in a hotel, it's all I know. It's only two days, but there's is there's things under that right, there's so many things. But I had that moment of am I gonna feel like a bad partner?

Speaker 2

I might for for a time, yeah, you're not gonna win at 50 things 100. You're not're not.

Speaker 1

Next level nation. What is happening? If you've thought to yourself, I want to try coaching, but you don't really know where to start, group coaching would be a wonderful place for you. That's really why we created it in the first place. We start a new round every 90 days. So if you're hearing this, go to the website nextleveluniversecom and we have the landing page where you can actually hold your spot right now. Even if there's a group going on right now, you can still lock your spot for the next one. The biggest thing that we've seen is, as we get closer and closer to the date, unfortunately, some people end up missing. The group fills up and they can't do it, and then they end up regretting that. So please head over to the website. The link will be in the show notes and we would love to see you there.

Speaker 2

And this is again controversial a little but you're competing. If Kevin and I put podcast first and there's two of us and we have a production team and we focus on 1% improvements and we do an episode a day, you're competing with us if you have a podcast. There's only so many listeners out there Now. It's an infinite game, semi-infinite, because obviously the industry is growing and I'm not going to go down the geek rabbit hole of why it's a good idea to start a podcast. I think for some people it definitely is and it's not like every but there can't be 500 podcasts, all Joe Rogan sized Right. That's not real and we need to be practical and honest. There's not going to be 500 companies that are all Apple and Microsoft. There's only a couple. And the reality is you can't be Olympic gold medalist at six things you and I talked about. Who was the one athlete that was actually a professional at multiple sports? Bo jackson. Bo jackson, okay, so he was a professional level, olympic level. At what sports?

Speaker 1

uh, he was all-star at football and baseball yeah, he might be one of the best athletes. I mean, I don't know, I don't know enough about Olympic athletes, because they I mean Michael Phelps got however many gold medals. But that was all swimming, yeah, yeah, but I'm just saying I just don't want to say he's the greatest athlete of all time because I haven't studied athletes, but he was really good at football, like world class at football and world class at baseball and that is so incredibly rare.

Speaker 2

Total side tangent. I know we gotta jump. I have thought about this on my own accord years and years and years ago. I've never had a chance to talk to anybody about it. I never came up. That actually bothered me.

Speaker 1

I know this is weird tree just slash terrified.

Speaker 2

It's a little weird that this bothered me, but I thought about it. Michael phelps has more gold medals than any olympian in history, but swimming there's all the different strokes, whereas in basketball you only get one medal one time every four years. You can't I. I remember thinking that's of course. It's a swimmer. It has to be a swimmer because there's what he had 10 gold medals in the 10 different strokes, all swimming. It's not like he won golf and then basketball and then swimming so anyways.

Speaker 2

That's. I'm a weirdo. I think about weird esoteric things like that, but I remember thinking that's kind of. I mean, obviously no one can ever beat that, because unless they're a swimmer you know you're not gonna have a cyclist who also dunks on lebron.

Speaker 2

Never thought about that once. Yeah, I'm weird with that. I think about the best of the best, of the best of the best and things, and I think about the way the system is rigged to try to figure out what that means. And I don't like our industry. Uh, I don't want to say I dislike it. I think it's really important. I want the self-improvement space to grow. The thing that I don't like about it is there's. It's so subjective. I mean, everyone listening right now are viewing this and I know this is a weird side, tangent, talking about identities. We're both podcasters. Who's better? It's all preference me, that's like. That's like. Yeah, uh, I'm joking. Uh, it depends who's not.

Speaker 1

I'm serious, I'm better, yeah, yeah, it totally depends on it doesn't matter, it totally depends on who's listening, I know, but there's no direct competition.

Speaker 2

Whereas in basketball we can figure out who's better, in podcasting it's so subjective like how many points did alan get in this episode versus kevin?

Speaker 1

I would say I took a couple l's, yeah, I got.

Speaker 2

I got 12. There is no metric or measurement. You called out michael phelps so that was do you think that was a one point or a no?

Speaker 1

I would say a negative one point. Okay, I had the I for me at least. I feel like the foot, the kind of going down that foot tangent was plus probably 50, at least with a little toe. That was funny, you need a good laugh when you're, when you're learning about identity. So I would think it was probably 75 to negative two me this round, this round. No again, I'm obviously biased.

Speaker 2

And our next episode will be about delusion.

Speaker 1

Well, we're going to make sure we don't do any episodes on achievement or productivity or anything that you can win in. Let me pick. Let's do some internal shit. We'll talk about self-awareness and hyperconsciousness. Relatability Relatability Cats.

Speaker 2

I'll smoke you on cats.

Speaker 1

No Relatability cats. I'll smoke you on cats. No, I think that is a really good point. Yeah, it's really hard to measure that?

Speaker 2

Well, the identity thing. Michael Phelps is the best swimmer in history. Is he the best Olympian in history? I don't know. And again, all of this, whatever, but for all of you out there watching or listening, what are the identities that you're deciding in advance? Listen, these are the things I'm going to put my focus on. I'm going to be and to my client, going back to her, I'm going to be the best mom I can be, I'm going to be the best business owner I can be, and I'm going to be the best partner I can be. Great. That's a winnable game, and we talked about Q4, and let's focus on those three in Q4, and let's not worry so much about the rest.

Speaker 1

It's hard, it's hard. Yeah, this is a hard. I'm sure this will be an episode we do in the future when this is a very fresh thought. This thought is an hour old when we were talking about the hardest things. For me, the hardest identities are the ones that clash with existing identities, where I need to take away from an identity to do this one. You want a really good one. When I am taking the cats to the vet. You want to talk about identity crisis. I'm not working. I am not being productive. It's quite the opposite of being productive. It's filling the hell out of my cat dad cup. I love it. That's awesome, but it is quite literally taking away from all the other identities I have.

Gender expectations and identity roles

Speaker 2

Yep, that is why it's so hard to be holistically fulfilled and successful. That is it. That's exactly, and I know, statistically, women deal with this more than men.

Speaker 1

I was going to say I'm talking about my cats. If you have, you have children, you got to go get your kids from school because they're sick or whatever it is. And if, if in your relationship that's the way it's set up and you're the one doing it, I can, I can only imagine. Again, I don't know, I know what it's like to have cats. I don't know what it's like to have humans, but I can imagine it just for a day. You feel like you're one thing and nothing else and I can only imagine that that's hard.

Speaker 2

I coach a married couple that there's a lot of this identity stuff. She actually recommended Fair Play. It's a documentary that talks about men and women and heterosexual relationships and how there's so many hats the female typically has to wear and the percentage of housework but also breadwinner now is women too, so things have changed culturally. I talked to a podcaster earlier about it too. She said it's it's fascinating to look at and every couple, heterosexual or not, would benefit from this documentary.

Speaker 2

It's called fair play. It talks about invisible work. It talks about and I told you, don't worry, we're never gonna let that happen. It's one of those things where half the things you and I do for this business no one even knows. Yeah, we do so much work that's invisible, so much for the business and I for the household. Women do that all the time, plus their career, and it's just so anyways, I think it's important to understand the identities, the work that goes into those identities. Choose wisely, because you can't have 50. You can achieve anything. You can achieve a lot if you're willing to choose, but you're not going to be world class at 50 things Go ahead.

Speaker 2

I was going to be world class at 50 things go ahead. I was going to say I was going to compliment you, would you like?

Speaker 1

it or do you want me to? To kick it somewhere else? I think I'm on. Yeah, I mean, I know, I know you get uncomfortable when you get caught with I am. I'm very grateful and appreciative that you're such a positive masculine individual, because I know a lot of I. There's a lot of negative people out there that would have things to say about that Like, oh, women, this women that I really enjoy that and respect that about you, thank you, brother, you're very welcome, and that's what we aspire to right.

Speaker 1

We want to be the best men humanly possible, and I don't know what it's like to be a woman. I imagine it's probably way harder than I think it is.

Speaker 2

The inequities are wild. It's been fascinating to study and I'm coaching couples.

Speaker 1

And a lot of most of them are heterosexual.

Speaker 2

It is alarming so for the women out there. Shout out for all you, because, my goodness, there's just so much generational cultural stuff.

Speaker 1

We went to Tara and I went to where were we? Oh yeah, we were in Vermont. And we were in Burlington, vermont. We were walking downtown going to get a meal and this guy walked up to us and said something about my tattoos. Like sick tattoos, tattoos, man, what is it? And taryn after was like did I come off as cold? I'm sorry if I came off as cold to him. And I was like no, what do you mean? She's like my. I was thinking something was going to happen and I was like in my mind it's like no, no, no, nothing's gonna happen. My thought process is completely different. Like babe, I, when we go places, I know where the exits are. I'm always thinking of everything that could possibly happen. I saw that guy coming from a mile away. I could tell by his energy. I could tell that he was looking at us. I knew he was going to come up to us, but I've never. Of course, I don't know what it's like I'm not worried about.

Speaker 1

I'll give him a hip toss over my head and we'll that'll. We'll be off to lunch. Quick hadouken. If I have to, I will you know what I mean, but he was complimented. If he asked me about my tattoos. I had a Cat Dad shirt on. I thought he said something about Cat Dad. I was like yeah, I am one. I'm the ultimate Cat Dad, Nice to meet you Like. No, no, your tattoos, I have tattoos as well. Let's talk about them.

Speaker 2

So yeah, a little bit about that, all right.

Speaker 1

We're going to hop because it is 7.48 PM. I have turkey burgers to eat. I'm hungry. Your boy is hungry, after his weight training, his cardio session this morning.

Speaker 2

Also very hungry.

Speaker 1

Yeah, group coaching is starting. So group coaching shout out to group 15, just ended tonight, tuesday we're recording this. On Tuesday. Group 16 starts on October 8th at 5 pm Eastern Standard Time. This group was amazing. So the next group you are going to have some big shoes to fill, but you will be the most consistent, fulfilled, aligned version of yourself over the 90 days, I can guarantee it. If you've never done anything in terms of coaching for self-improvement, this is a really good place to start, because we have a lot of experience with working with individuals and we know what works and what doesn't, what's overwhelming and how to deliver the message. So we've worked very diligently on improving this and even if you are someone who has had a coach in the past, it's still super valuable because you're around other people that are growing and the accountability is something that, no matter where you are, I think is super, super powerful. So link will be in the show notes, as always.

Speaker 2

We have one last quarter of the year. 2024 is on its tail end. If you want to end the year strong, this is the way to do it 100% NLU listener promo code NLU listener promo code on the checkout.

Speaker 1

When you get to checkout it'll say promo code. It'll give you 30% off. It'll end up being $96.60 per month. And you get 4 calls per month, 2 with Alan and I, 2 with Amy. It is a bargain At twice the price. I know you like when I say that that's kind of my old timey, the old guys that used to come into the gas station, as they say. I know you like when I say that that's kind of my old timey. You know, the old guys that used to come into the gas station excuse me used to say that to me 1450, boss. They'd say, oh, it's a bargain at twice the price. I'd say I have no freaking clue what you're even talking about. I'm going to need 14 and a half dollars because I'm going to get shit panned if I come up short in the register again. So let's, let's, you know, let's move it along.

Speaker 2

You know what I mean yeah so oh that was uh, yeah, it was a good time, one time real quick one time the gas station kid.

Speaker 1

The gas station kid, that was an identity I had for a long, long, long time. Uh, there was, this guy used to come in, old curmudgeon gentleman, just an asshole, not a nice guy and he used to drive this giant vehicle. It was like a boat and one day he drove like eight feet past the pump and I was like brother, you need to back that thing up, I can't reach you. And I told him to back up and then I walked away and he backed into another car and then he tried to fight me physically.

Speaker 1

You told this story before, did I tell you and I was like, sir, you are 70 years of age, you need to get back in your vehicle. And he's like I'm going to get you fired and I was like dude, honestly that would probably be a blessing in disguise, because I don't know, like, what I'm doing with my life. Please you're 70 years old.

Speaker 1

So, yeah, I'm at this point in my life. I'm training to be a professional fighter. So, like I don't, this probably isn't the place. Sir, get in your, get in your vehicle and drive your boat home. Go dock that thing. Okay, it's on you that you don't know how to drive not gas station antics with it was we had some good times down there.

Speaker 2

We had some good times who was the guy that came with the food truck 1795 boss? Yeah his, it was mike. Can you tell?

Speaker 1

this real quick. Yeah, so I have. I didn't know this was disrespectful. But when I told my mom, I was like, yeah, there's a guy that comes down, has a, he has a van, that has a bunch of food. She's like we call those a roach coach. And I was like why? And she's like because it's dirty food and roaches are in the food. And I was like, oh, I've been saying that to this guy when he comes in, like, oh, mike and the roach coach. I didn't realize I was low-key, disrespecting him and what he did for a living. But he used to come to the gas station and he would roll up, he would honk his horn and he would raise the doors and he had grilled cheese sandwiches, he had egg, sausage and cheese on croissants. He had Snicker bars, he had mac and cheese, he had burritos, he had coffee, coffee, lasagna, everything and I would run over coffee with my lasagna.

Speaker 1

He had everything. Anything you could have, tums, anything, tylenol, aspirin, anything you could possibly need. The man has it. All the drinks you can imagine energy drinks. It was awesome. He would come, he would honk the horn, everybody would run over because I, I would get breakfast, and every day you made, you made minimum wage I would have your paycheck.

Speaker 2

So on food I did.

Speaker 1

Yeah, yeah, I was spending, probably. I was making probably nine dollars an hour. I was making probably 56 dollars a day and I'd spend probably a nine. I'd probably spend an hour's worth of my my money on breakfast At least Minimum, just breakfast. And then you did lunch too.

Speaker 2

No, no, he didn't come back for lunch, just breakfast.

Speaker 1

But I'm not saying I wouldn't get lunch, though I might get a sangy and hang on to it for later. But there was no register, there was no prices on anything. And this is what he would do you would hold out your hands and then he would touch everything and go like okay, boom, boom, 350, 450, 750, and then he would just like look up for a second and he'd go 1350, boss, and it could be the same thing. You got the day before and the price might be lower or higher, and you paid the man and then you got your food. And I did that for uh years, a couple probably three or four years.

Speaker 2

Did you ever have the courage to say I got this same thing yesterday?

Speaker 1

No overthinking, didn't even think about that, didn't care. Give me the hamburger. I'm hungry, I'm ready to eat, oh god.

Speaker 2

For me that would have been. I could never have done that. That's the difference between Kevin and I, right there.

Speaker 1

I didn't even care at all. And you were the CFO, I'm not, and I wasn't my idea, that's now, I know now, I know that was a mistake. Yeah, it's funny. I had some good times at the gas station. I had some very good times at the gas station. Yeah, I worked with friends. You know it was, uh, it sucked at the time, but but when you look back there's like nostalgia, it's like that was really yeah, of course, simple times.

Speaker 2

I remember simple times.

Speaker 1

Friday. This is it, and then we'll get out of here. I'm sorry for wasting everybody's time. This is like a trip down memory lane. I was thinking of this recently. Friday I'd work 6 to 2. I'd be out of there at 2.15. Friday. 2.15, friday was always the day that I'd fill up my car. It's like Friday. After work I put gas in my car. No matter how much gas I have, I always put gas in it and then I go and I take my check to the bank and I cash my check every Friday. It doesn't matter. I could be on seven, eight full. I'm putting gas in that thing, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 2

This is what I do, I don't know it.

Speaker 1

I don't know it felt really good to have that habit.

Speaker 2

So little of what you used to do made any sense, man.

Speaker 1

Every Sunday I would get up early and I would drive to Dunkin' Donuts and I would get large French vanilla iced, extra, extra. Extra cream, extra sugar and I would get sausage Sorry, not even sausage, because I don't like their sausage. Egg and cheese on a croissant. Two orders of hash browns Every Sunday.

Speaker 2

Yeah.

Speaker 1

You know what you're doing with that.

Speaker 2

We do bacon, egg and cheese bagels At Jumbo Donuts. Shout out to Jumbo.

Speaker 1

Donuts Unbelievable. Not if the bacon's not crispy. Get out of here with it.

Speaker 2

It's good. So good, is it crispy? So good, you might not like it look, here's the thing.

Speaker 1

If you're putting the bacon in the microwave, it ain't for me but yeah, you put your broccoli in there in the bag.

Speaker 2

That's what it's made for. It's called steam fresh, son kev. Your logic is undeniable, I think.

Outro

Speaker 1

So all right, we're gonna go group coaching alan still has slots available. If you need help with your podcast because obviously I am a very strong speaker who's really good at staying on task for an entire episode Very clearly I could probably help you outline your podcast. We'll have all the stuff in the show notes for that, all the links and all that happy jazz, as always. We love you, we appreciate you, grateful for each and every one of you, and at NLU we don't have fans, we have family. We will talk to you all tomorrow. Please reach out. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next.

Speaker 2

Level University. We love connecting with the Next Level family. We mean it when we say family. If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.

Speaker 1

Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow.

Head Shot

Alan Lazaros

Host
Head Shot

Kevin Palmieri

Host