Toya Talks Podcast
Toya Talks is where culture, courage, and career collide.
Created for Black Women and inclusive of allies, this podcast unpacks the realities of the workplace through the lens of culture, life, and global events. From pay gaps and strikes to leadership, politics, and authenticity, each episode explores how the world around us shapes the way we live and the way we work.
Toya goes beyond surface conversations to deliver bold truths, necessary lessons, and unapologetic strategies that empower listeners to navigate the workplace with clarity and courage.
If you’re ready to rethink work, reclaim your brilliance, and be part of conversations that matter, this is your space.
Toya Talks: Bold truths. Real strategy. For us all.
Toya Talks Podcast
Behind the Mic: An Introspective Look at Black Women in Podcasting.
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What happens when a key member decides to leave a popular podcast? We had an up-close look at the dynamics of The Receipts Podcast as Milena announced her departure. We shed light on the aftermath of her decision.
We're not just talking about The Receipts in this episode; we're also shedding light on the larger picture - the challenges faced by Black women in podcasting and beyond. From being labeled as bullies for simply being confident, to struggling to bring others into our success, we share personal experiences and stories that underline the need for support and mutual respect within the community. We make a case for the importance of reinvesting in oneself and discuss how Milena's decision could serve as a lesson in this regard.
In the final part of this episode, we spotlight black-owned businesses and creators, sharing our personal experiences of supporting these enterprises. We underline the power of setting boundaries and how encouragement and mutual respect can transform businesses and careers. As we wrap up, we express our heartfelt thanks to you, our listeners, for your continued support and love. Get ready for an episode packed with discovery, introspection, and candid conversation on the podcast industry and the role of Black women in it. Join us for this journey, and let's learn and grow together.
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Music (Intro and Outro) Written and created by Nomadic Star
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Resignation and Backlash in Podcasting
Speaker 1Is this the motherfucking thanks I get for making my people proud ? Every chance I get , it's okay , I get . And that is from a Burnaboy . It's actually one of his latest tracks featuring J Cole Thanks . But now I'm gonna sing it , because when I'm just fucking in the day it's not having the oof . Is this the motherfucking thanks I get for making my people proud ? Every chance I get , it's okay , I get . Yeah , that's what we're opening with . I may not be able to sing , but to me , I can read , so let me read the words .
Speaker 1Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Toy Talks podcast . I am the host , the creator , the founder of the Toy Talks podcast and platform , which is available on all major podcast platforms . I also have a website , www . Yeah 3Ws at toytalkscom , and there , basically , is the hub of Toy Talks , but also houses some of the master classes that accompany the Toy Talks podcast and platform . Listen , I don't even know where to start , okay , so I pre-record some , some podcasts . So I don't actually know when this episode is gonna come out , but the date is the 21st of October 2023 , and I'm putting that out there because I am gonna be talking about a few things that are current at the moment but I think are quite significant to the podcast . So this week it has been announced , melena did a , she published a resignation and she's basically resigning from the receipts podcast . She will no longer be part of that trio and I need to just like rewind a little bit .
Speaker 1The receipts podcast basically have not . Basically they have catapulted podcasting For seven years . They have been consistent with their material , with what they discuss and with who they are . They've been consistent in character and they have basically catapulted also how brands engage with podcasts . They reach a very diverse market . They have had live shows , they have merch , but also , well , they have been consistent in terms of their growth . So they started off , you know , normally just podcasting , and then they were exclusive to the BBC at one point , one of BBC's platforms , and also then they had an exclusive deal with Spotify and there came all the brand endorsement , brand deals and you know you had all the media and stuff so you would see them on billboards . The receipts podcasted their thing and that can never be taken away from them in what they have done . Now , who you align yourself to , who you prefer as hosts , is a matter for you , but in terms of what they have done for podcasting . I mean , when I started podcasting , the receipts podcast were already three years deep and they actually also contributed to the influence of me doing a podcast , if I'm honest , because it was how they brought themselves to podcasting and how they spoke about different types of topics .
Speaker 1Now I'm gonna be really honest . I'm not an avid and was never an avid fan of the receipts podcast . I think in the beginning I was really interested in it because it's podcasting . It was still relatively new when they first started , but I have never , like , been what I would call a fan , because I don't necessarily . I think I feel like for me , the receipts podcast , to a degree , was escapism and then it became quite repetitive in terms of the content . So for me personally , I felt that it was a lot of sex , and whilst I like sex , I don't want to have to consume a lot of it , and I'm not saying that's the only thing they spoke about , right , but it was very sexual all the time . And then it became quite tiring because there was real-life issues that I felt like they needed to discuss or would have been more pertinent to discuss , and also I think the audience have grown and I just didn't feel like the content grew with the audience . That that was my personal view . However , I would always now and again tap into the receipts , even if it was just to listen to the dilemma episodes .
Speaker 1Now there has been like a lot of backlash online towards Tolley T in terms of basically people noticing how her personality could have contributed to Milena leaving the receipts podcast and Milena hasn't come out and kind of defended Tolley and I'm not saying that she should , I'm just sticking to the facts here . Audrey , who , to be honest , I actually like Audrey and I relate more to Audrey and maybe it's because she's a bit older than the other two . However , audrey has almost become the self-proclaimed human resources , if you want me to be honest , because Milena was , you know , she , she was very integral part of the podcast . She brought diversity because she's not black , she's Latina , and she brought balance because she had different views and she had different life experiences , which I felt like she could have brought more to the podcast , but didn't always , in my opinion , was wasn't always given the opportunity to really speak till she finished . I always thought she was quite interrupted , undermined and sometimes looked down on based on how the others were interacting with her . I didn't always feel as though Milena had the chance to fully express herself the way she wanted and , I don't get me wrong , there were times when Milena would get on my nerves with certain things that I felt like would continuously be in discuss , however , with Milena , what we did witness was a lot of growth from her and a lot of change in her , and it would have been nice to delve a little deeper .
Speaker 1In the seven years that they have been podcasting , there's not been one Latina guest , which I thought was really , really interesting , because if we're gonna keep , if we're gonna talk about representation , we need to keep it a buck across the board . Now , if you have a podcast with two black women and one Latina , I will representation from every one of you , because in I can relate to Toletium Nigerian , so there's certain things that she would say I would get and understand and the guests would come on who maybe are from a Nigerian background . But I always feel like whatever you consume , you should also learn from , and it would have been nice to have a Latina guest to learn from , even if , even if it was Afro Latina , and I say even if , just to allow the other two to feel like they could relate to the Latina if that person's Afro Latina , and also the dynamics would be different as well and we could have had a Latina , we could have had an Afro Latina , afro Latina . Sorry , we could have had that diversity , and I think you know especially what happened , for example , with Erica Menor . You know Erica Menor is a Latina , so that could have been a conversation that could have been had on that podcast , for example , with way to look about growth and elevation and then also the nuance of being Afro Latina is really interesting as well , because that is also like another story , another kind of direction to go in , to have conversation and to learn .
Speaker 1And that was never the case on the podcast and I always thought that was quite a shame , because how is ? How is Milena being able to showcase who she is if she can't bring someone on , or she hasn't brought someone on , or someone has been brought on from her background ? So I feel like representation matters , even more so when you have different representation . But you have to be able to also give people the opportunity to demonstrate their representation , and I didn't feel that that was the case with Milena , for whatever reason . This is just my opinion . So , as I was saying .
Speaker 1So Audrey then posted something on Twitter and basically said that Milena did not want to record a final episode and that anyone who's talking about bullying and I'm just paraphrasing him right , because I'm not gonna go back and read it because it's just long and anyone who is basically talking about bullying , it never happened . Basically , and I was really disappointed to see what what Audrey had written because Audrey come like human resources , that's how my human resources would write okay , and it felt like you know , milena didn't want to do an exit interview because she was pissed off and that she wasn't happy and and they said that what Audrey said , that she chose . So after seven years , you chose not to do an exit interview , basically , or exit podcast . There's a reason , and what Audrey don't realize and probably realize is now , is now that she posted what she did .
Speaker 1It opens up to more questions and and this is the problem , sometimes we don't know when to stay silent . Like Milena is silent . She said what she said and she's silent , tolly silent . Audrey , you just needed to be silent and I get it like I'm a new mom , my daughter's five months old , like I'm in my I don't really give an f at all ever error . I get that . There's something about meeting the crevices of hell that makes you really look at things and trivialize them . But when you're dealing with a brand and your brand , you have to have a lot more care for that brand and a lot more brand respect for the people and your audience who have really batted for you .
Speaker 1I think what I also underestimated is Milena's popularity . Milena was very popular . She was in a quiet taste , but she was popular and people liked her and she contributed also to the success of the receipts podcast . Now , what people may not know is the receipts podcast by does as a for Phoebe , I believe her name was and as they were literally reaching like they were literally about to tap into success , phoebe decided to quit citing family issues and again Phoebe would have bought enough dimension to them , and then they went and forged ahead as a three . What has been announced is that they will be back in the new year , 2024 , as a duo and personally for me , I don't know if they can carry the podcast as to , and I tell you why . That's not what their audience have signed up for and their audience signed up for the last seven years . Signed up to Milena , tolly and Audrey . Yeah , and I mean maybe they will continue their success . I don't know , but personally for me , I don't think they will see the same success that they have been , and it's mostly because of brand recognition and who people recognize as the receipts , as a brand .
Speaker 1And it reinforced to me why I do this podcast by myself , because , number one , I don't want to put my destiny in anyone's hands . That's the truth . Number two , people are intrinsically unreliable and I never wanted to be the person that was at the mercy of someone else , and to do business together requires a certain level of trust and I don't really trust people much . I'm not going to lie , even more so with my business and my brand . I just don't .
Speaker 1When I first started Toyotalks , toyotalks wasn't going to be called Toyotalks , it was actually meant to be me and someone else . It was a guy . We went to do the podcast together and I just I think for me I never really . He's a lovely person , we're really good friends of him actually , but I never felt like he would be able to commit in the way that I would need him to for the podcast and I didn't know what success would look like from a podcast perspective , but I just knew that there would be a lot of sacrifice and commitment to produce and put out really good quality content . Looking back , I know I made the right decision because Toyotalks is what it's called Number two , I feel like my success .
Speaker 1In the beginning of the podcast I started to define what success was and realize that that wasn't my success . It was what people would want in terms of a podcast to have all the brand deals and do all of that and it's good for some , but for me , I kind of felt like I wanted to focus more on the business side of my podcast , so putting out the masterclasses and the material that would support the podcast , and also what was the essence and ethos of what I was doing ? It was to help black women and to provide a safe space and a blueprint to success and really come here and talk about the nuances and the real life experiences of working whilst being a black woman . And for me , I've always said like if you have a business and it's a successful business , you need to invest in other things that support the success of that business . So with the Receives podcast , I feel like Toly T is a writer and she has other things that she does on the side . She has another podcast , for I think it's exclusive to Amazon . Correct me if I'm wrong , by the way , but I think she does another podcast as well and she does other things . She's screenwriters , she does . She does really , really well and I always felt with Audrey and Milena .
Speaker 1I mean , milena had the music and I think it's true to say that the music wasn't going at the speed in which Milena wanted . I remember when Milena first started the podcast she was in a job that she really didn't like . Audrey was a PA and she's quite happy in her job . But then I was always thinking , with the success of the Receives podcast , how are you reinvesting that in other things that you want to do outside of the podcast , or even individually ? That would have you stand independently from the podcast and I never really got much of that from outside of Toly . But then I think over the last year or two Milena started to do stuff like the music and she does like a club theme night that she kind of does and that's great .
Impact of Leaving the Receives Podcast
Speaker 1But I'm going to also carry out that by saying for Milena to walk away from the Receives podcast . She's walking away from a bag In this current economic crisis and climate . She's walking away from a bag . Now I know that they no longer have exclusivity with Spotify , but the brand of the Receives podcast itself opened doors for them from a brand perspective , doing brand deals , adverts , collaborations , and they were getting into the money . Let's not lie , they were making money . They made me realise that you can make money from podcasting , because I wasn't sure of it before , because it's still quite new , and it must have taken something really significant for Milena to walk away from that bag . And you know , I know that she's going to go on to do other things and I wish her well , but I think there's so much to learn from the Receives podcast and how they have changed .
Speaker 1Everyone's like saying they're moving like the sugar babes , they're rotating like the sugar babes , rotating like the Spice Girls , and whilst there is , like you know , the people poking fun , there is a reality of kind of how business works . And if you are a business or you are collaborating with other people to create a business , when that business becomes successful and you start receiving monetary income from that business , you need to reinvest that into your own ship . And it's easy to say and it's easy to be like yeah , obviously , but it's not obvious to certain people because you're still riding the wave of success . Sometimes you become so distracted by what that success is that you forget to reinvest in yourself . And that's where I feel like Tolly is slightly different , because she I feel like she was always aware that there were other things that she could do outside of the podcast and she's very creative . She's very creative anyway .
Speaker 1Now , the whole narrative about Tolly being a bully and things like that , I think , unless Melena actually says she's being bullied , we need to be really careful how we throw away throw around that word , especially when it comes to black women . It's so easy to say that somebody who is confident , outspoken , sure of themselves is a bully . Now , I have my own personal views , but I'm just going to tell people just to be guided and mindful , because you're batting for somebody who didn't tell you to bat for them . She didn't tell you she was being bullied . And as much as people want to be the forensic podcast scientist and go through each podcast and I'm not sitting here to say that Tolly wasn't abrasive and she didn't cut her up I'm not saying any of those things . I'm just saying we have to be very careful on the labels that we give people , especially in a public , in a public who are in the public , because I just kind of feel like , as black women , we can't quite shake off the whole . You know , bully your Like .
Speaker 1I've been called a bully before and I'm not a bully , I'm a confident person and I don't take shit . I'm not going to allow you to sub-gain me and my personality and to oppress me so that you can bully me , to oppress the confidence in me . And you know I'm not everyone's cup of tea , not everyone's going to like me , but I am very forthright in my business and in my career and I'm going to be very clear when I say I'm a lone wolf , I'm a lone ranger . I'm a lone wolf and I've had to be that way because I've tried to bring people in before and I've been bitten , I've been slapped . Even up until two years ago I brought somebody in and this person will stand in your face and tell you that , as a friend , that's what I should have done . And that person will stand in your face and tell you that somebody opened the door for me , but I didn't owe it to you . The fact that you're eating today is because I opened the door to put food on your plate . That's the truth , because no one wants to talk about that truth
Supporting Black Women
Speaker 1.
Speaker 1Where we open , where people open doors and create opportunities for people and , yes , you do owe that person a thank you or recognition that that person opened that door . I've opened a and we're going to get into that a little bit later because I feel like there was a lot of doors that totally did open for them and , whether you want to accept it or not , she did . It doesn't give her the right to behave the way that I felt that she did in certain episodes . No , however , she should be given the respect that she's due , because I believe that she is one of the major catalysts as to why some of the doors open for those girls and , whether you want to accept it or not , she's a leader and whilst there was certain things that happened and I'm going to be really honest yeah , tolly is not my cup of tea . Tolly is not my cup of tea at all and I typically go with Libra's , but she's not my cup of tea . It doesn't make her a nasty person . I'm just saying that I don't think personally that me and her would get on in a social setting or in a business setting ? I don't think we would . But I do respect her business acumen and I do respect the business mind that she brought to the Receipts podcast . She also needs to accept that the other girls are equally as talented and brought what was needed for the success of that podcast to happen . Tolly is smart enough to create things outside of the podcast . So if the podcast was to end today , tolly is going to be fine .
Speaker 1Audrey , I don't know Audrey , I don't know , but I don't think she minds , and all these are . Audrey has always come across a quite a relaxed person . I always thought that she's quite agreeable to Tolly . I never really felt like we got independent , an independent opinion from Tolly of Audrey outside of Tolly . You know , audrey is a lot older well , a little bit more older than them , and she has a bit more life experience . So what would have been nice is to kind of see her in motherhood and how she relates to Milena because they have that in common and how motherhood would then shape her as a businesswoman and her as a podcaster and her as so many different hats that she wears .
Speaker 1But we're not going to get that now and I think people need to also be mindful that not everybody is ambitious outside of their success , and I understand that . But in a situation where we are black women , we need to be forward thinking . We just have to Because if we are , we managed to break into success or break into , you know , some of the rooms that these ladies broke into . You have to now start thinking about what you're going to do with that success . If that platform was to end and you know people always say , oh , you shouldn't really think like that , but you need to plan B in life , in every part of life where success sits , there should be a plan B .
Speaker 1So , for example , you know he's a bad example , but you know a lot of these in America . They have a lot of these radio hosts and radio stations and they are successful . They get the brand deals , they get the endorsements , all of that . Outside of that , some of them are real estate agents and they have their own real estate portfolio . Some of them buy and sell flip properties . That's what they do and how they make money . But what I admire about some of our American counterparts is how they use their success to open and create other businesses and other revenue streams .
Speaker 1And for me , I'm going to sit here and tell you if you see yourself as a business whether you're a perm , part time contractor , podcaster , whatever it is you do you are a business . You need to also be thinking about how to create other revenue streams , because where we are all now you're not going to . I'm going to tell you you're not going to be rich by working a nine to five . You're not going to be rich , yeah , to earn six figures , I have to take on multiple contracts , do you understand ? I've got to take on multiple contracts and that's fine , but I also understand that I have to have other revenue streams . Yeah , and I have my other businesses that I've never even spoken about on here , and I won't , because there's another element of how black people see each other's success and we're going to get into that and it's going to make for uncomfortable listening , but that's what's going to happen . We're going to talk about it here .
Speaker 1So I think , with the receipts podcast , I think what shocks everybody is how Melena left , but not that Melena left and we didn't get that exit interview . We didn't get that final podcast , and it was actually the podcast where it was announced was quite confusing because they pre-recorded episodes and it wasn't until after I realized they were pre-recorded without Melena . I think it's great that they're taking a break and coming back in January , but it'll be also interesting to see where they go from here in terms of a duo podcast . I think what made them different is the representation and the diversity , and maybe Melena was the token , but it's how you use that tokenism to educate others and how you demonstrate representation , and I don't think it was represented and demonstrated very well on the receipts , because I would have liked to see a few more guests that represented Milena and then see how the other two would relate to them or how , what they could learn , and also some of the similarities in our backgrounds and some of the synergies , if you like , from a cultural perspective . But that never happened , and that's just my opinion .
Speaker 1Now I talk about Black women and I need to say something . I'm a Black woman first , but I'm also going to say and I feel like I can say this because I have received my own experiences as Black women we've got a lot of work to do . We've got a lot of work to do because we're too readily available to pull down each other . We're too readily available to just be jealous , and that's the truth . Every door that's been opened for me has been opened by a White woman , and I've got to keep it real . I sit here I talk about white fragility , I talk about a white pandering , I talk about race , racism , discrimination on all levels , but I also have to bring forth some level of honesty in terms of how we , as Black women , operate with each other , because we don't always have that conversation and I want to have that uncomfortable conversation today .
Speaker 1It's really disappointing that as a community , we are so competitive with each other that we're willing to bring each other down so that we can elevate , and I don't get what we get out of that , because all that does is keep us back and allow the ones that are managing to break the walls to success . We are exacerbating their ability to be considered the token , and what happens with a token ? A token is a minority , and where there's a minority , there's few , there's not many , and where there's not many , there's no representation or not enough or hardly any , and it makes it harder for us as we try and penetrate through different levels of success and rooms . I'm going to be the first person to say if you know me , I'm a giver . If I can , I will , yeah , but I've also had to protect that side of me because it has been abused more than once . But a few years ago it was abusing in a way that fundamentally changed me , because I created an opportunity for who I thought was a friend and it was a fellow black woman and I basically put food on her , on her plate . I did because she was on benefits and she was in rent , a raise , and I gave her an opportunity and I didn't have to do that .
Speaker 1There's no manual of how to be a friend that tells you you have to do , you don't have to do shit . After all , I you know a black woman hasn't . I don't . I've never been in a situation where a black woman has opened a door for me , so I don't . It's not my job to open the door . But if I'm going to open a door , yes , I would love for it to be for a black woman .
Challenges for Black Women in Workplace
Speaker 1This black woman stabbed me in the back , slapped me and has basically gone about saying I ain't done shit or that it was my job as a friend to do , but you've never done it for anybody before , only to find out that she was so bad at her job and so shit at her job . She's now claiming that she was bullied by management . Management didn't bully you . What you refuse to do is learn how to be strategic . You burnt the hands that fed you , yeah , and then you exposed yourself and you kept doing it , and you bought disrespect to your door . You put me to one side and treated me like I was less than you , abused me and you took advantage of me and it wasn't the first time , because , let's be real , every situation you've ever had work related it's been me and I've got evidence to prove it . So we're not even going to go there . But the fact is , as a fellow black woman , I open the door for you , and it's not that I'm expecting thanks . I'm expecting some type of respect , because I did open that door for you , and the respect I'm expecting from you is don't desecrate my name . That is now attached to you because I've opened the door for you , because the association will always be Toya . Open the door , respect my name . You then try to discredit me when you got through the door and you discredit me in front of people who I had also open opportunities for , who were not black , and those people advocated for me when you tried that shit .
Speaker 1What is it about us as a collective community of black women where we are so readily available to be jealous ? Bring each other down , break each other , label each other , just so that we can feel better within ourselves ? Because when I sleep , my conscience is clear . I snore when I snore and fart when I sleep . Because my conscience is very , very clear , because I do unto others as I expect to be done unto me . But what we're not going to do is we're not going to piggyback off each other or you're not going to use me . Then , when you finish with me , you're going to then pretend like you never use me , you never use me as a piggyback , and then you're going to discard me like I'm rubbish . That's never going to happen , because karma is very real . What you sow in this world is definitely what you're going to reap .
Speaker 1What this person didn't know is , as I'm opening the door for them , I'm buying a half a million pound house and I'm juggling multiple contracts earning my six figures . See , I knew never to share that bit with her . She knew about the house . She knows buying a house , but the other side of my other revenue streams I never shared it with her , because as soon as I opened the door , she changed . She changed and for me , she also represents the reason why , as black women , some of us do not bring each other in , because when you've had that bad experience , are you going to bring everybody else in ? No , you're not , and that's why I made a decision . I said it on a previous episode I am never , ever , ever going to get anybody a job where I work . That's never going to happen . Where I'm consulting never going to happen . If , if I'm approached and someone says , toad , do you know anyone ? I'm not doing it , because if I attach my name to yours and you don't respect fundamentally my name , that means you're ready to basically rubbish my reputation that I've worked years for . I've worked hard for it in business , in work and in life , and I'm not going to have anybody do that . I'm so sorry .
Speaker 1Black women , we need to do better , because if we don't do better , in 10 years time we'll be sitting here having the damn same conversations why women of other communities are excelling and surpassing us , because that's what's happening . It would only ever be in the black community that a black woman will go on social media , on twitter , and talk about how she has managed to make six figures . She will talk about why , as black women , we're not doing that and we're not earning that . And it would be a black woman that will go on this girl's LinkedIn , find out where she works , call her up and email . Call up phone and send a follow-up email to her workplace to tell them that someone , say person , is on twitter , given out business intelligence . You should sack her because she's saying all this stuff and it's offensive . A black woman did that against another black woman to make her lose her job . Can you see , as black women in community , we're fucked . We're in a hell of a sunken place . We're in a very sunken place , sunken .
Speaker 1When I go to a workplace and I see a black , other black women , I get worried , do you know ? I get worried because you don't know if they want to be friends or foe . And when I say friends , I put inverted comma because it's not friends as the definition . It's more work , friends or foe . I've worked in places before where I didn't know the dynamic of you not getting promoted and then I come into the job in a role that you wanted to be promoted to , but as a black woman now I'm a threat to you and you try to make my life a live in hell . And then the cup becomes full and then you have to come and confess to me because everybody , now you're trying to manage you out because you're not delivering . This is all before I get to the company and suddenly I land here , oblivious to everything , and I become the focus for you and all I , all I did is just show up to work and apply for a job . Sharp to work . You needed help . We're training , I trained you , I helped you , but , yeah , I didn't know you were stabbing me in the back .
Speaker 1As black women , we need to do better . There's stories that my friends have told me of their experience about fellow black women , and I know for a fact how my friends are . Yeah , I don't have many friends , but the ones I have are substance . Yeah , as black women , unless we are willing to lift each other up , we will be in the same position . You cannot then look at white women or Asian women and other races of women and compare yourself . You can't , and I tell you why you can't compare yourself , because there may be in in fighting with other races and cultures outside of ours , but what you won't do is go to these workplaces and see it happen in there . You're more likely to see black women fighting in workplace . I'll say fighting . Then you want any other race of women . That's the truth .
Speaker 1What is it about us as black women that are so angry that to see each other be do well , we get angry . We need to . We . It's a crab in a bucket . I get all that , but there is something about our community that prevents us from being the success story . Because when we're talking about success stories black women we're not always there . That's true , we're not . We can sit here , be talking about all our experiences as black women , but unless we're willing to change our own narrative , we'll always be where we are .
Speaker 1I could very well mental people . I'm not doing it . I'm not mentoring anybody . I'm so sorry , I'm not . And I'll tell you why . Number one hold out of the time . But number two , because I'm not willing for a black woman to tell me to my face that the reason why she's not been able to ABCD is because I haven't opened the door . My job is not to open the door for you , your , my job is to equip you to open the door for yourself . And then , when you see a fellow black woman there , yeah , don't try to drag her down . Yeah , if , if , if , if it's disturbing your brain , just leave the black woman alone .
Speaker 1What is it about us as black women that we can't ? We're not comfortable with seeing each other ? What is it ? Is it because society has really been committed to convince us that it's only one at a time ? Why do we continue to perpetuate that narrative that there's one at a time by doing the job for them to ensure there's one at a time ? Does it actually make sense ? It doesn't make any sense . It doesn't make any sense . You're in your own lane .
Black Women and Respecting Boundaries
Speaker 1I , personally , am so secure in myself that I don't care what you're doing . I don't care . I don't care because my destiny is not in your hands , it's in mine , and my success is defined by me and is in my own hands . Now , if there is only one position , and you're there , I'll find another place that has a position where I can go . That's me , because if I have to discredit and drag you down in the hope to replace you , well , I'm already sowing the seed for my own destiny , and I don't know all those people that I'm treading on or mistreating to get to where I'm supposed to go On the way down . That's who I'm going to face . What is it about us as Black women ? And I'm going to encourage , because there are people that listen to my podcast and interact with me in the DMs . And some of the ones that interact in the DMs I have to block because I can see they're not okay . Blockheads , that's what I call them . They're not okay .
Speaker 1There's this one woman , yeah , when she interacts with the podcast and the platform and stuff , and that's great , but anytime I used to go live she used to talk about the things that would trigger me . So I talk about them as learning lessons and antidotes for the podcast . And it'll be really random . I might be talking about , I don't know , a reality show like Basketball Wives , and she'll say something like has your daughter met your mum ? I'll be talking about the world of work and she'll be like when's the last time you spoke to your brothers ? Now one can say , well , you give that information out and that is true . But when I speak about certain things , it's in context of a bigger theme . But this particular person will always try and and I just ignore her . I'll always ignore her . Then one day she'll come up in the DMs and she she asked me a question very recently . Now she knows I'm a new mum and she knows I run a business and I've got people in situ to deal with my business . So , for example , if you've got questions about masterclass access , whatever the issue is , I've got people in place . Hello at ToysTweetscom .
Speaker 1I set the boundaries on this podcast . I say it all the time Anything to do with my business . I've got people in situ . They will escalate things to me as and when they think it needs to come to me . So she come in the DM , she go oh , toyota , I purchased this masterclass XYZD and I was like , excuse me , excuse me , you know I'm on maternity leave , first and foremost , but secondly , if there's something that you require to do with my platform , you know to email hello at toytalkscom . Why , why is it that you can't give me the space to just be ? I've set really clear boundaries on the podcast or my platform , but anything to do with toytalkscom goes to hello at toytalkscom . I hire people to do stuff for me with that , but I have to create boundaries of us . I don't . I won't have a break .
Speaker 1And when I didn't create boundaries , I became very angry because I wouldn't even afford to myself the respect of a break . And here you come asking me about my child . So you know I've had a baby , you know I'm on maternity leave and you know I'm tired All three things you know . But you're coming to labor me in my DMs and she couldn't say much . She just corrected me on the spelling of her name and I said okay , fair enough , I misspelled your name . I've spelled the name correctly versus what I say still stands . You're a black woman knowing the labor of another black woman and yet you're coming to labor me again . You're not respecting my boundaries .
Speaker 1What is it about us , as black women that refuse to respect each other's boundaries because we don't have respect for each other ? What is that about ? What is it ? You don't have to like me . I'm not here for likeability politics . You don't have to like me . I'm honest , I'm straightforward and I am who I am . Take it or leave it . That's how I operate .
Speaker 1When it comes to Toad's podcast and the platform , I give very freely , and I tell you why Because all those doors were open for me not to then slam it shut behind me . I'm quite happy to leave the door open and to teach you the blue and red of the door Open and to teach you the blueprint . And even more . Now more than ever , I have a daughter coming up , so I'm going to need y'all to open those doors for her too , and I'm going to need her to open those doors for people too . That's what I share very freely . I haven't got , listen , when it comes to the blueprint of success . When it comes , I'll share . I don't have a problem with that .
Speaker 1But what I have a problem with is , as black women , when we deliberately step and stand in front of the success of each other and then still expect ourselves to be successful . That's not going to happen , is it ? We have to learn to have respect for each other , and it comes from respecting ourselves and respecting each other's boundaries . If you don't have boundaries , that's fine , but you should respect other people's boundaries because you don't know what they've had to go through to know they had to set those boundaries up . Number one , number two when you see a black woman being successful , she had to suffer to get that . Start with that . There was a sacrifice and a suffering because we're living in a society where they don't want to see us . So already you know there's a hurdle to be climbed . That black woman climbed the hurdle . That , as a baseline for respect , we should start there .
Speaker 1If you see a black woman who you believe is doing better than you , take the opportunity to go and learn from them . Take the opportunity . The view is , if you want to be better than me , learn , take the nuggets , go and execute . Your focus can't be I want exactly what that person has , because that means you're also calling on the exact suffering to have that as well , and we all know that we can't all manage each other's suffering . The focus should be on your own journey . Be inspired by the success of another black woman as an opportunity to elevate , a way you can possibly go , or what is attainable for you .
Speaker 1Listen , there are black women that I admire so much . I admire them , I adore them . I take the nuggets from what I see and go ahead and do my own . That's how I do . I don't want what you've got . I'm not interested in what you have . If there's something I like , I want a unique version of it . I'm not a fucking clone . I'm not like some people where , from top to toe , they will like something and they will go and buy exactly that . No , I want something different . Why ? Because I know , as an individual , I am uniquely created and therefore , whatever I have , I want it to be a slightly different so that I can put my stamp on it and say it's mine . I don't want what you have . If , as black women , we're not willing to be honest with ourselves about how we are as black women , we're always going to be where we are as black women Disrespected , underrepresented , undermined , disregarded .
Speaker 1We are the most disrespected gender and race black women . We are the most disrespected , and you could do three , five , five , five screaming black squares . You can do think pieces on social media , but the reality is , unless we do the work , nothing will change . You should be able to see another black woman and compliment . You know what I do . Let me be honest with you . You know what I do . You know when I see black women , I want to elevate what I see . I will always find something I like . Excuse me , I really like your trouser . I must find something I like .
Speaker 1Do you know how many times I've complimented a black woman and the way they will look at me ? Like I'm a piece of shit , like I'll see , they will have like a nice hamburger and be like oh my God , I love your hamburger . They'll be looking at me and I realized part of it is a defense mechanism , because the default is always to be angry , or the default is always to be on the defense , because maybe that black woman has experienced something with another black woman and I've now triggered her . Can you see the cycle of mess ? Can you see the cycle when another black woman compliments me ? I will always compliment her because I understand where we have come from to feel comfortable to compliment each other . So if you compliment , I'll be like oh , I really liked it .
Speaker 1Yeah , and there was a lady I saw recently and I didn't know who I was and she said oh my God , toya , I really like you , so you're really inspirational . And she had a beautiful pram . I said your pram is beautiful , your daughter is gorgeous . She said oh , thank you so much . I've now sowed a blessing into that woman . She's leaving me , hopefully going to sow a blessing into someone else . That's how I move , that's how I operate . But instead , yeah , if I was to live by some of my experiences , I would never , ever , ever compliment any black woman again in life , ever . Even if I like what I have , I will not say anything . The ones that have done me dirty are black women . You know , white women have not done me dirty . I can't lie , they haven't . They have opened the doors , they've had honest conversation and they've created opportunity and they've allowed me to tap into their privilege . That's the truth . That is the truth .
Speaker 1I have a small circle of trust of friends , very small , and within that small circle of trust of friends , we have elevated each other . We have Do you know this person ? Do you want to talk ? Oh , you know what , sis , I have this contact . Let me do an introduction . I'm that friend . Go and ask my friends . They will tell you the small circle of trust . I'm that friend that if there is an opportunity and my friend is in that field , I would say go and talk to this person . Or you know what you need to follow this person , or you know what ? I have this contact , but I'm not using it . And even if I was using it ah , oh yeah , excuse me da , da , da da . This is somebody I know who I think will be beneficial , and that's me . It doesn't take anything away from me , because I'm so in so that I can we so to reap . Let me tell you If I sow , even if I don't reap , my child will reap , my child's child will reap . That's how I move and I operate .
Speaker 1I'm not a perfect person . You know I am a very flawed character . Yeah , I am flawed . Yeah , I come from experiences that have traumatized me and shaped my personality . But one thing I hold true is anything that is meant for me will never pass me . I do not want what you have , because I'm not willing to accept the suffering that came with what you have . I want my own . I want a remix . Yes , maybe this episode I'll call this is the remix . Yeah , I want a remix . What is it about us as a community that we're not willing to clap for each other and really hold each other ? And you know , we're quite willing to elevate other people in other communities
Supporting Black-Owned Beauty Businesses
Speaker 1.
Speaker 1But I'll give you an example of something . So I love body washes . I love , love body washes . Anything to do with facial body , I love it . And I was using this product called LeoPetite For my face right Love it .
Speaker 1I went into the store they'll show me one body scrub , but I was in the position where I wanted to buy a body scrub . I came there for a purpose and that's what I wanted . So this was a few weeks ago . So really I was like I need a body scrub , you know , and I just need one type of scrub , like I could go to the Octaim . And then I realized that one of my friends has a skincare line . I forgot . I thought , oh my God , she does .
Speaker 1I went online and ordered because she had recently launched body scrub . I went there and ordered it . I'm telling you right now , my friend would have given me a discount if I asked for a discount . She would have , because we're cool like that . But no , no , no , that's not how I support my friend . How I support my friend . If I'm willing to pay for Yeezys and I'm willing to pay for XYZ brands , I should be willing to pay for my friend brand , because that's what I see , my friend's brand , like All the other brands that deserve success . So I'm going to pour into her .
Speaker 1I went , I bought it . She sent it over , packaging everything . I went on social media straight away . I said , look , it was beautiful when I use those products . Yeah , I took all of it with me . The other night I said , excuse me , you're taking a piss . I said this brand is 1010 and the brand is 10 . It's called Sacred Skin . I'm going to put it in the show notes , her brand . Listen , when it comes to skincare , me , I'm scared . I'm scared of all brands .
Speaker 1So she wanted to come to a body scrub . I didn't want anything too harsh , I didn't want anything too smelly . I didn't want this body scrub is all . The whole range is amazing . The butter , body butter , fantastic .
Speaker 1I went straight on my social media . I said listen everybody , I like nice things . That's one thing with me . I'm never going to promote something like shit , I like nice things . Now look what I have done . I've sewn a seed into my black sister . I've sewn a seed .
Speaker 1Maybe she was having a bad day that day . I've maybe made it her day . Maybe she's thinking oh you know , should I do more scrubs ? And I'm now pouring life into her so that she can go ahead and feel confident in whatever she wants to do . Maybe for that moment , that's what I've done , but I've also poured into her pocket . And also I've used my social media to raise awareness because , listen , one thing us , as black women , we're willing to buy into the white man's thing , but when it comes to black women , we now start putting the barriers to edge . The standard now becomes more raised than what we would do for our white counterparts . That's not how we need to operate here . Keep the same energy across the board . If that's what you're going to do . Her brand is called Sacred Skin . Amazing , from packaging , customer service to a product , the product is 10-10 .
Speaker 1Now , if we had the mentality to elevate each other , can you imagine where we would all be ? Can you imagine my friends listening to my podcast ? They promote my podcast , my friends . They get toy talks all day long . Friendship with me . Do you know what that does for me ? Because I know they're not just promoting it for the sake of it , they're actually listening and they tell me .
Speaker 1This is what I learned . This is what I picked up . I reposted your podcast and you know , a friend of a friend listens to your podcast and I had to let them know . I know you and you had to let them know because you were about that . Do you know what that does to my confidence ?
Speaker 1Do you think it's easy to come here all the time to be doing podcasts ? It's not easy , because I'm tapping into my trauma and I'm talking about stuff that is triggering me . And also , as well , I produce my podcast , so I'm doing all the editing , everything . Everything is me , and I'm a new mom and I'm a wife . I'm a businesswoman . It's not easy . Sometimes you need that encouragement . When some of you come into my DMs . You don't know what you're doing for me . You're blessing me . You're blessing me because you're reminding me of my why , and sometimes I tell people thank you for reminding me of my why . You don't know the week I had , and it's causing me to have that confidence . I'm creating more podcasts .
Speaker 1Who knows that person that needs that particular podcast on that particular day ? They're because of your encouragement and recorded it . That person has been elevated in their situation and has been able to go on and do whatever they need to do , like , come on , it's a cycle . Until you understand how we affect each other in our community , we're never going to do well , ever . We're always going to , and I'm tired of complaining about the same thing , because there comes a point we have to turn the mirror on ourselves as a community . Now , one thing I am going to say is unfortunately , I have been scarred to smithereens . I'm not going to ever place myself in a position where I'm going to get somebody a job where I work . No , sorry , because that lesson is far too close to home for my liking . What I am going to do is I'm going to collectively continue to do what I do here and to help . That's what I'm going to do Because , if I'm honest , I come as myself and I share the blueprint . Someone , someone's going to learn .
Speaker 1There's been so many people that have tapped into this platform , have emigrated with work to the Middle East . We've got people who have so many DMs I get to you on £10,000 more because I've got your negotiation masterclass . How many people have got my freelance and into a masterclass , have now become contractors ? There's one girl said to you please , I'm taking 10% of what I've earned as a contractor and I want to donate it to charity . Please give me a charity that is close to your heart . I give up and I said this is if we are able to do this and facilitate this , all of us , can you imagine where we would be ? There's some communities , yeah , there's some communities . The way they elevate each other . If we just took the time to just learn . But we're so arrogant . We're so arrogant .
Speaker 1Do you know what it is that black women are black people ? As a community , we spend the most on hair care , skincare . Yeah , a lot of these places that sell these skincare and hair care are Asian people . They know our value . We don't . Then we get pissed off when they follow us around . Well , we didn't open the shop , we didn't create the opportunity where we could be owning these things . So now that Asian man has capitalised on what will make them rich by exploiting us , they now get to dictate how we shop in their shops . Can you see , there are black businesses that do skincare and hair care , but we would rather go to someone else outside of our community to go and shop and spend our money . But then you expect our community to be rich . How are we going to be rich if we don't spend on our own ? How is that going to happen ? How ? How is it going to happen ? I tell me how . How .
Speaker 1Some of you will love this podcast , but you will never share with your fellow black women . You want to hoard it and then you wonder why you're standing still . Well , because you haven't put out the good karma to receive the good karma . That's the truth . Some people , you're in the same position in your career , in your life , running around in a circle go , go , go go . Sometimes you have to remove yourself and check yourself . Have I put out good karma to receive what I'm asking for ? I'm really sorry to say this .
Speaker 1The doors that have been open for me and create and opportunities have been created has mostly been from white women . Mostly the black women who are sure of who they are confident in who they are and want to really see me win are the ones that have opened the doors and created the public speaking events who have connected me with the arts council . So I've created stuff with them , jenasan , and there are people , there are black women who have said to me Toya , your platform's done so much for me in my life , and to give back . This is what I've been able to do , and my mouth will just drop .
Speaker 1The essence of the theme of what I'm saying here is as black women , we need to do better as a community . Unless we're willing to do the work , 10 , 15 years as black women in the community , we'll still be in the same place . It'll just be another generation talking about the same things that we've been speaking about . It's up to us . It's up to us what we want to do . It's up to us . But I had to come here and say this because I feel like we don't say this enough , we don't shame the devil enough , so I know those people are going to listen to this and be offended . That's up to you . I actually don't give a shit , but there's some of us who are going to listen to this and really learn and hold ourselves accountable and put our foot to the fire to be accountable to ourselves about how we are better serving each other . We need to do better , we need to do better and we need to want more from ourselves by also not standing in the way of each other . That's what I'm saying , listen .
Speaker 1If you want to follow me on social media , my personal Instagram account is Toya underscore Washington . If you want to follow the Toy Talks podcast , is the grammar count is Toya underscore talks ? I'm also on TikTok . Has Toy Washington ? All one word . If you have a work related dilemma , my email address is hello at ToyTalkscom and your anonymity will be protected as well as that . If you are interested in any of the masterclasses we have the interim and contracting masterclass , the CV masterclass , the interview skills masterclass , the part of your probation masterclass , and there's so many masterclasses in that catalog go ahead and have a watch on ToyaTalkscom and also as well , if you want to revisit some of my older podcast episodes , I would really encourage you to .
Speaker 1I deal with so many things and the show notes will give you some of the information contained in the podcast and really just listen and learn . I really hope that you take away something like for me . It's always about what you learn from situations , what you learn from what you consume , and I really hope that you learn . My goal is that you all are better than me . I want you to be better than me . I want you to you know , take what I teach and literally use it and reach the stars .
Gratitude for Support and Recognition
Speaker 1Thank you so much for supporting me , thank you for listening , thank you for sharing and thank you for making me a topic in your group WhatsApp group chats . I really appreciate some . This is sometimes some of you be giving me screenshots on your group chats and I love it and you know , I even respect people that say you know what ? I can't relate to her . I don't really like her , but her content is top tier because we're not doing likeability politics . You don't have to like me . Not everybody's created to be liked , you know , and I respect that .
Speaker 1Anyway , I'm going to leave it there . I'm missing my daughter , who's downstairs , so I want to go and quickly see her and spend the evening with my baby . But thank you so much for listening , thanks for your support , thanks for your love and thank you for opening the doors . Thank you for having conversations in rooms that I'm not present , but positive conversations , and thank you for seeing me and receiving me and receiving the message in . I appreciate you all . Thank you so much . My name is Toya Washington and you have been listening to the Toya Talks podcast .