Toya Talks
The 2024 Working Mom: Navigating Success on Your Own Terms
Ready to challenge societal norms and redefine success on your own terms as a working mom? Buckle up as we tackle the complex world of balancing work and motherhood, shedding light on the stereotypes and expectations that often hinder our progress. From my personal experiences returning to work after maternity leave, to the guilt associated with placing a child in full-time nursery, we pull back the curtain on the realities often glossed over.
Fancy a peek inside the nerve-wracking job interviews while on maternity leave? Let's venture into the art of negotiating better employment terms, and why it's crucial to have multiple options at your disposal. Hear the tales of successfully maneuvering high-stakes salary negotiations while on leave, and the importance of continuous learning and adaptation in a post-pandemic world.
As we delve deeper, we'll explore how careful planning can ensure a smoother transition into the dual roles of motherhood and career woman. We'll discuss the power of setting boundaries, the value of being a subject matter expert, and why financial stability plays such a critical role. Find out how to build your career strategy, negotiate salaries and day rates effectively, and ultimately secure your future. This episode is your blueprint to navigate work and success in 2024, and beyond.
Sponsorships - Email me: hello@toyatalks.com
TikTok: toya_washington
Twitter: @toya_w (#ToyaTalksPodcast)
Snapchat: @toyawashington
Instagram: @toya_washington & @toya_talks
www.toyatalks.com
https://toyatalks.com/
Ready to challenge societal norms and redefine success on your own terms as a working mom? Buckle up as we tackle the complex world of balancing work and motherhood, shedding light on the stereotypes and expectations that often hinder our progress. From my personal experiences returning to work after maternity leave, to the guilt associated with placing a child in full-time nursery, we pull back the curtain on the realities often glossed over.
Fancy a peek inside the nerve-wracking job interviews while on maternity leave? Let's venture into the art of negotiating better employment terms, and why it's crucial to have multiple options at your disposal. Hear the tales of successfully maneuvering high-stakes salary negotiations while on leave, and the importance of continuous learning and adaptation in a post-pandemic world.
As we delve deeper, we'll explore how careful planning can ensure a smoother transition into the dual roles of motherhood and career woman. We'll discuss the power of setting boundaries, the value of being a subject matter expert, and why financial stability plays such a critical role. Find out how to build your career strategy, negotiate salaries and day rates effectively, and ultimately secure your future. This episode is your blueprint to navigate work and success in 2024, and beyond.
Sponsorships - Email me: hello@toyatalks.com
TikTok: toya_washington
Twitter: @toya_w (#ToyaTalksPodcast)
Snapchat: @toyawashington
Instagram: @toya_washington & @toya_talks
www.toyatalks.com
https://toyatalks.com/
Dear God, prepare me for the coming week, take away my worries and my regrets, recharge my soul and renew my hope. Please go before me, clear the way and protect me. Bring the right people into my life and move the wrong people out of the way. Guide me with your love and give me your joy In Jesus' name, amen. Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Toy Talks podcast. My name is Toya Washington.
Speaker 1:I am the host, the creator and the founder of the Toy Talks podcast and platform, where we guide, advise, teach, share and come together in a safe space and share our knowledge and experiences about how to navigate the world of work and be successful in doing so and, in turn, highlighting the path of our success. And that's what we do here. I share the blueprint, I share what my success looks like and what success means to me, the highs and the lows of my journey in my career, working predominantly in my white generated, white dominated spaces, and also how my experience of working but working as a black woman and the nuances and experiences that I've had bring here to the podcast. And I also have master classes on the ToyTalkscom website, which I think accompany the podcast but more so gives you the practical skills you need for certain things like interviewing, how to create your CV, how to present your CV, redundancy, how to deal with that, the things that you should be aware of, what the current legislation is, and etc. Etc. Etc. Listen, first of all, screw it. Screw it. Happy new year, because this podcast episode will be out in the new year.
Speaker 1:I'm pre-recorded and those of you who are new to the ToyTalks podcast I had my first child at 38 years old, in May 2023. I'm a new mum. How long can I stay a new mum for, by the way? I just want to know. Anyway, I'm a new mum, so where I was posting podcast episodes weekly, I went to buy weekly before I was pregnant, which was great for me because it meant also that I have a bit more time to prep, less pressure on me. But now that I also am a mum, I am pre-recorded a lot more and if something happens in life, society, whatever, and I feel like an episode needs to be recorded, I do so.
Speaker 1:But in order for me to put out great episodes and be able to communicate with you all through the podcast, I think pre-recorded is working for me. So by the time you listen to this. It will be the new year. So happy new year, happy 2024. I like even numbers. By the way, I'm a Libran. I like balance. So yeah, and you know, I think 2024 needs to be the year that you want to make it.
Speaker 1:These new year's resolutions are full of shit. I've told you all before I do not believe in new year's resolutions. Don't make any sense, because come March, you're doing a new resolution for the resolution you know. So that's kind of where I'm at with stuff like that, and I have an episode called vision boards and manifestations and that's. I think that's an episode people need to be listening to yearly, because I also teach how to create a vision board, how to manifest, how to be intentional about the things that you intend to make manifest for yourself. I believe you are the architect of your career, but also that the mind is very powerful and we need to hold ourselves accountable through the year of things that we want to achieve. So that, to me, is why a vision board is really important. I have certain cards on my vision board, so, for example, work, life, motherhood now, and things like that and all the things underneath those headings that I wish to achieve within a 12 month period. I just put the heater on because clearly we're in Antarctica. Give me one minute. I'm back.
Speaker 1:By the time you listen to this episode I would have already started work again and, to be honest, like I feel like I need to do this episode because I cannot find the information. And one thing I always say and you guys know about me those of you who've been writing know that I share. I'm a sharer of information because I believe knowledge is power. I know, I know the value of knowledge and I understand how, if you disseminate knowledge and educate yourself, you give give yourself access to knowledge that you wouldn't have ordinarily known, because no one's actually teaching us. I feel like maternity is maternity is. You know. I've got the masterclass and I share so much on there and a lot of things I learn.
Speaker 1:I actually recorded the maternity masterclass when I was on the early stages of my maternity and I do it from the perspective of you've got a perm employee, but also, if you're a freelance contractor, like I, give the two perspective of what to do, how to do it, certain things that you should prep. Somebody made the suggestion about you know, going back like what that should look like maybe like a checklist, so I'm going to put something together and upload it onto the masterclass. So those of you who've already purchased a masterclass, um, I'll I'll kind of announce when I've, you know, updated some things and you should be able to go on there and just ordinary, because you'll have a dashboard, obviously, with all your masterclasses so you'll be able to go on the maternity masterclass and see some of the updates that I've. I've included and I'm going to do that across the board of my masterclasses. So I'm going back to work and my daughter. So basically, by the time I go back, my daughter will be seven months old, just just seven months. As in like that, I go back on what the six, she's seven months. On the third, so like three days after she's seven months.
Speaker 1:And you know, the plan was that I'd go back to work end of January. There was always the plan and just an opportunity came up from a contract perspective. It's an amazing contract, working on a really big project. And I had my interview and for the first time in several years it was just. I just felt my, my spirit felt at peace at that interview. I can't even explain it to you now if you were to speak to anyone around me, they'll tell you, when it comes to interviews, like I know my stuff okay and also, if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to put out a masterclass about interviews, and it's, it is rich. There's stuff I want to add on there as well. I definitely will provide some updates, but the blueprint of interviews are there.
Speaker 1:I get 95 percent of roles 95 percent and I've said this before and it's a figure that I'm actually quite proud of because I've really mastered interviewing. But more so, I've made interviews mutual so that I'm able to really ask myself do I see myself working here? I think, especially as a contractor. I think you know you're not wedded to anything or anyone, but at the same time, you want to feel like you know you're not going into, you know, a really difficult environment, more than what you can handle, bearing in mind I've just had a child and I need peace, I need balance and I'm a Libran as well. So that's what I'm always pursuing. But I had the interview as a three about three people panel and two men and a woman and they were just normal, like when I say normal, like no egg, is what I'm trying to say. So I feel like some interviews are just intense. You know, I had.
Speaker 1:The funny thing is, right over the last two and a half weeks I've had quite a few interviews and I was offered every single role. There was one role where I told the recruiter I don't want that role and I'm going to get into that in a minute. So when I um applied for the role because the thing is, if you, if you want to go back to work in January, the best time to apply for the role for a January start would be October, and that's whether you're a contractor or if you're a pub, because there are seasons for things. If you imagine, just look at it in practical terms, december's a really quiet month. So the first two weeks of December, you know, is when people will typically interview, but you won't necessarily start until January, or what happens is you may go for an interview process. It stops and resumes in January, do you understand? So October's a really, really good month.
Speaker 1:People are back from the summer holidays. Um, people are understanding that they're, you know, we've got a new financial year in April, so if they haven't overspent, then they're looking two spends because they have that apportioned budget for recruitment. There is a science behind stuff like that. So, for example, I've got a friend who's been contracting for like 20 years and he takes the whole summer off and by August he's already put in feelers out, knowing that he's not going to get massive response because most people on summer holidays become middle of September. His phone is going off, his emails are popping off because now they're looking to hire and then he'll usually start work end of September, early October. But then he knows if he wants to go back in January, end of October, november, early November.
Speaker 1:Um, you're interviewing and sometimes they will say are you happy to start in December or do you want to start in January? Because they themselves know that December is a short month because of Christmas. And I would say also as well that who really wants to onboard somebody in in December if they don't need to now? In my case? Um, they're happy for me to come in like so come in, sorry, they're happy for me to start in December and I'll only be there for two weeks because of Christmas, and then I'm back again in January and it works really well for me because my daughter's in nursery twice a week. She's now going to go in full time a month earlier. So it gives me an opportunity to you know, settle her and just see how I go for two weeks and also bearing in mind and what people don't know, what people don't sometimes appreciate, sorry is it's really hard going back to work after you've had a child, whether that's your first child, second child, third child. It's really hard and I'll tell you why.
Speaker 1:In a couple of levels, your hormones are still raging. Now I'm telling you that I, I, I understand when I go through menopause I'm going to have hot flushes and everything, and I know that because you, I'm hot constantly, like I'm always in a t-shirt. So it's winter here in London or in the UK cause I don't live in London anymore but I'm wearing a t-shirt and a thick jacket because I know that that jacket is gonna be like a furnace, but I can't wear a jumper underneath that jacket cause I will die. It's just really that simple. Your hormones are raging. So I was told that really, your hormones start setting after you've had a child. It starts settling 12 months after you've had a child. So can you imagine that? I mean they start to level out, but to fully settle we're talking about a year after you've given birth, right, and then you have a new routine that you have to develop as a mom. So if you already have a child and you've got another one, you're still developing new routines around your new child and your first, second, third, fourth child or the children that you've had earlier.
Speaker 1:Now, for me, I'm having to, like I had my daughter at 38. Can you imagine that Like I've just all I've had to ever do was just focus on myself, like I used to wake up in the morning, call one of my friends and be like do you wanna go to New York next week? That was the life I was living, Honey. But now it's different, like you know, and I've got all of that out of my system. But I'm having to develop new routines. Like my friends would go on the school run and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:I'm part of the school run squad. I so am Like I'm the mum that wears her knickers back to front because I'm still half asleep. Yeah, I'm her. So now it's like nursery run, and nursery works a little bit differently because they don't do summer holidays or anything. You, they still go in as usual, which is fantastic. Then when they, you know, get to like reception, then it's more like the ordinary school year. So you know my daughter's going in. She's also developing her and building her immune system. So she's getting sick every two weeks because if you want to know the breeding ground of germs, it's nurseries and she goes to a very, very good nursery. But you know everything goes in her mouth. So having to navigate that as well is quite stressful, because I'm a contractor If I don't work I don't get paid. So if I get a phone call, come pick up my daughter because she's not feeling too well. You know I don't know how I'm going to navigate that with work and I'm going to share it with you here.
Speaker 1:I think for me I never shared with anyone in my industry that I was pregnant or that I've had a child. I've never shared it simply because it makes me even more vulnerable than I feel being a black woman, being a successful black woman in my field. I feel like to now share. I have a child. I just don't want the assumption that I'm less reliable and that will be the assumption. I give you an example. I digress new tab opened.
Speaker 1:I had a call with a recruiter one time and my daughter was there and I just picked it up because it wasn't my normal recruiter, it was like somebody. I was just kind of sent to check in whether I actually wanted to be on her books and there was a role that you know she was discussing with me and I said, well, it needs to be remote, it needs to be predominantly remote. I don't mind coming into London one day a week. And then my daughter was like gargling. But she was like she wasn't crying. She's really good when I'm on the phone. She's really quiet, but I'm not going to like be like she's gargling. She's gargling Like let the girl be free, live girl.
Speaker 1:And the lady that I was speaking to, the recruiter, she was like oh, because you've got a child, so that's why you want to work from home. I was like, no, I'll work from home because I've done so since the pandemic. I have a home office here One day a week in London. I don't mind, as long as it makes sense as to the reason why, not to see the whites of my eyes. My child goes to one of the best nurseries in my area and her going into nursery and her childcare is not an issue.
Speaker 1:And that was from a woman. And upon speaking to some of my friends, I've been told that there are some women that are. They're worse than the men in terms of you know the stereotypes, the assumptions and actually the way they treat you when they know you've had a child or you have a child. And we know, black don't crack. And I have a real, real, real baby face. So the assumption is I mean my 20s and all of this, all of this when really I'm closer to 40, I got a newborn. Actually she's not even a newborn. I've got a young baby and I'm just trying to navigate and just make this money and be successful. That's all I'm trying to do. I'm going to add to that success.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I digress, go back to the previous step. So yeah, so just developing new routines is stressful because also your life is dictated based on the child. You could wake up, your baby could have a temperature and you may have a really big meeting. And I feel very blessed, fortunate and thankful to God that I have an amazing husband who is very career-minded, career-focused. He's got a good job as well. But we have to really work in partnership. So marriage is a business. It is a partnership as well, and trying to figure out parenthood has been really interesting.
Speaker 1:But for me and for most people I assume the mother's the primary caregiver and the lead caregiver that's a lot of pressure. We stay tired. Our natural state is tiredness. I don't think I've ever woken up and been like, oh, I've had enough sleep. I don't know what enough sleep means anymore. I live on coffee and prime red bulls. Sometimes if I'm feeling fancy Going back to work.
Speaker 1:I won't be sharing that I've got a child or anything, unless I really have to. So, for example, if my child has chicken pox, I will work me and Kay will work together to take time off to look after our child and nurse her back to health. But in that situation, or if, for example, my daughter gets a cold or whatever where we have to go into hospital and it affects work, then I will say it to one of the managers and make it very abundantly clear it's not to be shared with the rest of the team. It has to directly impact my ability to deliver. Then I think I'll have to make an informed decision about whether to share that information because it will alter how I deliver. Right, but as a contractor I don't need to ask for permission. I don't need. I'm not an employee and I think my strategy, going back to work now as a new mom, is to deliver. I don't need to deliver over and beyond, I just need to deliver okay, and I'm okay, I can do that.
Speaker 1:I think being an overachiever comes from the complexities of my background being the only girl when I was a year and first born, the intricacies of my relationship with my mom, that type of you know, mother-daughter relationship that is toxic. You are trying to overachieve because you're trying to prove something, you're trying to impress, you're trying to show that you are actually good at something and I think I've done that, like in my life, like I feel like I've overachieved, I've done certain things and I just want to enjoy the fruits of that labor. It's unfortunate that we're living in a society that doesn't facilitate or encourage or support mothers just to really lean into their motherhood, because by rights let's really be honest we should be looking to go to work for like two years and the system should support us as mothers, but that doesn't happen. Did you know fun fact in Belgium, their maternity's three months and then they're expected to go back to work. So you know, and the maternity pay here is £172 and I think it's either 4p or 3p a week, that's nothing. My daughter's milk her tin, she has kendo milk. The goat milk is £21 per tin. So if we get two a week for the house, we'll have to get two a week for nursery because she'll be in Monday to Friday. So go calculate that and provide them with nappies and change of clothes for poo explosions, punamis, you know.
Speaker 1:Going back to work I always knew that I would go back to work End of January. I always said so. To go quote unquote a month early isn't a bad thing, but the mum guilt choked me out. It like I had a conversation with my friend Binpe. Big shout out to my friend Binpe, who I just absolutely love on the door, because her support has been amazing. Big shout out to my husband. His support has been amazing because this opportunity that came up.
Speaker 1:I was willing to walk away because it was a month earlier than what I had planned, because I felt so guilty about putting my daughter in nursery full time. And Kay said Toya, you're always gonna go back full time, it's just the difference of a few weeks. And when you put it into that perspective I was like okay, and I got very teary eyed because I felt like you know are my. You know my daughter's not gonna see me as much. You know, not like you're going from seeing me like from morning, noon and night to seeing me, you know, after nursery or cause of work, and then you're in bed by about seven. Say, I finish work at five and I could pick you up for quarter past five. By the time you come home, maybe have something to eat or whatever. You've had your bath, you're in bed. So you know the interaction isn't as extensive as it would be on maternity.
Speaker 1:But there is a blessing in the fact that a lot of us work remotely and a lot of us have held onto the power of employees and being a subject matter expert to dictate terms. So this particular role, this particular project is, it is amazing and I'm just so grateful to God for this project because my CV reads like really well and I've been strategic in how my CV reads. I haven't been pigeonholed into anyone industry deliberately and I've been able to come up the career ladder really quickly. And these are the things I share in the freelance masterclass about being a contractor, because being a contractor you don't have to be like oh, only one, this particular sector. You can be a contractor. I think I've also shared on that masterclass that my friend is a nurse and she works for, actually a private hospital. She earns her day rate is wild and she's also a bank staff in an NHS trust. You know, my friend is a freelance, she's a social worker, she deals with fostering, so she does the reports and she works for different local authorities. She does really well, of course.
Speaker 1:Like when it comes to freelance and being an intro and a contractor, I think what I have done very well in the masterclass is to let you know that it's not just for one particular area or one particular profession. There's a lot of professions where you can be a contractor. It's about understanding how to do it, how to set it up, how to, you know, have agencies on your Rolodex, because that's what I do. I have specific agencies that I work with and then there's all the rest of them. Okay, I digress back to the old tabs. See, I moved tabs, me and my friend Bimpane. We talk in tabs. It's so funny, but she started it.
Speaker 1:But what I'm saying is, in terms of going back to work and stuff, that this particular contract it was two days a week in London. Now I truly believe that when I saw it, it was one day a week in London, because I wouldn't have applied if it was two days whatever. So when this role was offered to me, it was offered on the basis of two days a week and my thing was always Before the interview, when I was made aware those two days, I said, well, I'm gonna let them fall in love with me and when they fall in love with me, I will leverage that to negotiate one day a week Really simple. And that's exactly what happened. I had my interview, say, on a Monday at like midday, for example, three people panel and Because of the type of project it is, I could completely understand what's free people, but it was really relaxed. It wasn't any ag. They asked me certain questions, went through my experience I am, my transferable skills. It was just a really nice conversation. They asked me if I had any questions and I was also interviewing them and they told me that they they felt that way. They were like, oh, this feels like a two-way interview and in my head I was like tick, because that's how it's supposed to feel.
Speaker 1:And Then within a few hours I've got an email from One of the people on the panel saying we want you to meet up a program director for this particular project. Are you available tomorrow? I was available Because K could have just taken my daughter, but I wanted a day where she was a nurse. To me it's like a fully focus. And that's what happened. So two days later I had the second interview and as soon as I saw the program director my, my, my, I don't know what it was I just felt at ease and she was like toyar, this is not an interview, I just really wanted to know who you were, because Everyone on the panel yesterday and day before yesterday my team really liked you and I was just, you know, really wanted to know who this person was. And we both started laughing.
Speaker 1:I Then received a call the next day from the agency saying Toyar, they want to offer it to you and I was like okay, and the rate is amazing. And I said, listen, I really like them, I can definitely see myself working with them. This is the third. And I was like but there are two things. I said first of all, we need to Increase the rate. And the recruiters like but the rate is really good. I said I know, but it can be better.
Speaker 1:I said secondly, it needs to be one day weekend in London. I said I don't live in London, they know this. Number two there needs to be a justifiable reason why I'm coming in twice a week. The one-day week makes sense because the whole team is in that one day and that's great and I think for my mental health, I think that's fine to go into London, I have no issue. But I'm a contractor. So I feel like if we're gonna be in the office and you're not gonna be paying for the transport, let it be for a legitimate reason. What's the second day for?
Speaker 1:So they agency came back and they were like toyar, they agree, one day week is fine, but if there are additional meetings, you know, would you be a? Would you be willing to go? I said yeah, of course, but then I'll go to my meeting. Have my meeting come back? No, she was like all right, cool. So then yeah, and then with my rate, and they were like yeah, they said that's fine. I was like are they not gonna negotiate? But I feel like when you find a good candidate, you know, so you will do what needs to be done.
Speaker 1:I feel like I definitely have always been the person that says, especially the negotiation masterclass If somebody really wants you, they'll find a way, and sometimes it's about compromise. But to completely say no, we're not negotiating, that means I don't want you enough, or they think that you are desperate enough to just accept the terms in which they're offering, even though you know Negotiating shows that you're willing to compromise. If you can compromise at this early stage, you can compromise at work, like do I mean that there will be it's more two-way rather than One one directional? You know employment is is two ways. Yeah, you have to. They have to create the environment for you to be productive and then you have to be able to deliver against. The role in which you've accepted is a two-way trans Transactional relationship. So when you're sitting there, arbitrary telling me, no, you don't want to negotiate that's your attitude threat the employment. I don't want no stress. So yeah, that's how that went.
Speaker 1:And, funny enough, I had another interview and this interview was for it's not so much a project, it's like a long-term thing. And then they want me to then hire their perm team and once I've delivered all this stuff and it was just very intense, it was a very you know there was no pleasantries of who they are like. It was just very like it was. It was very like, like, was it really cool? It's not surgical, but very, there's a word for it. Anyway, it was just very rigid and and they, they were like we've got 10 questions. We need to ask these questions. Is it there? We're gonna write stuff down. And it was two people and what. The guy was lovely, he really liked me and I think it's because he related to a lot of stuff on my CV, so we're able to talk about certain projects. And there was one project I done and he said that he'd heard of it. So I was like yeah, I done it, did it and it. The interview was ackee.
Speaker 1:So they wanted twice a week in London and once a quarter. They want you to go to Leeds I Hope you are laughing me go to Leeds. Listen, the only thing that I am leading is myself to the kitchen to go and eat. I am not going to Leeds. And they said they also have office in Birmingham. Yeah, I was in my head. I said it's not me, but would they offer me the role? And I went back up Well, let me just see if they will negotiate, because they're quite big organization so I might come across them again. So I wanted to know what the art of the possible is. So I was like, no one day we can London Did it and it come back. And they actually agreed to the one day week and I said and they said, but I have to be open to once a quarter going to Leeds.
Speaker 1:So I said to the recruiter I, for this same agency, I've been put forward for something else. I need to wait for the outcome and then make a decision. So For me, I always say to you, you need to. It's like Interviews, like dating. You can't be exclusive. You need to interview in many different organization and have options, because that options also gives you the confidence to be able to interview well, because you know you have other opportunities and you believe in your source. And I'm not gonna sit here and lie to you.
Speaker 1:When I went on maternity, I was really anxious about coming back to work. I was anxious because all I know is to survive. That's all I know. I don't know this whole take and break. When I was pregnant I Worked right up until two weeks before my delete, my due date. I was. I had two contracts at operating at the same time and I was still consulting for certain organizations and making money on the side of doing that as well. So, like, they'll send me contracts oh, can you read, mark this, can you give us a review? And I'll be charging the money as well as the two roles.
Speaker 1:So I've always operated from the state of survival and it's really exhausting, because when does that stop? When do you get to a point where you're like, okay, I'm gonna be good? And those are questions that I have to ask myself as questions I asked myself in therapy and I'll be resuming therapy as well next year Because I thought, like certain milestones that come, I need to be doing that. I'm gonna be 40 next year, by the way, and I'm looking like a whole baby girl. Yeah, with my glistening Lips, using my Rihanna a lip balm or what's it, what's it called? Yeah, I use it, but I'm still cute. But, yeah, I just think I've always been in a sense of violence and when I went on maternity, I was really anxious about coming back.
Speaker 1:I was like you know, is there gonna be enough roles? What's the market gonna be like? You know there's a cost of living. People are, you know, holding on to the purse strings. They're not really spending money like that and contractors are really expensive. Let's be real like whether they're inside I are 35 or outside I have 35 that are expensive. So for me I was like you know, would I have to consider perm? And I'm gonna sit here and confess to you all my daughter was like Two months old and I was.
Speaker 1:I had an interview, you know. Yeah, I did, because I was really anxious about if I know now what I should have known, then I would never have done that. I would have really just allowed myself to lean into my maternity leave, but I was worried because I was like there's gonna be a whole child that's also gonna depend on me. She's going to a private nursery. Children are expensive and whilst I've saved, I still need to maintain a lifestyle for my, my child and also me and my husband. We work really hard but we bring our finances together. I need to be able to still pull my weight, like all those things, and especially when society is telling you that when you're on maternity you come back and you have to take a pay cut because you know all those things play on your mind, especially if you're a person that has operated from a state of survival. So for me, interviewing at three months is very wild when I think about it. But in the moment I was like maybe this is something I need to think of and they wanted me to start in September. Again, you know my anxiety.
Speaker 1:And anyway, I had an interview and it was that three stages and I didn't mind three stages because I was on maternity leave you know what I do like and I managed to negotiate. It was a perm roll, by the way. I managed to negotiate the salary and it was Amazing. This salary I'm not gonna lie it was it was over a hundred grand. Yeah, yeah, we're not breathing heavy is because as a per that's great. And then, plus the packages and everything, it takes it over a hundred grand anyway.
Speaker 1:But they, they refused to negotiate on putting remote working into the contract. So they said, oh, it is remote working you'll agree with with your line manager, but we're not putting into the contract. And I was like that's a red flag. Your hiring me as a senior commercial contract manager and you're telling me there's something that I should agree verbally Should be enough and not put in a contract. I said that's not gonna work.
Speaker 1:They sent me the offer. They put it through their board members and everything it. They just needed me to agree. The package was good and the person that would have been working for and my stakeholders were amazing. I asked her to meet the stakeholders in the second stage. It was great, but I think what that did is it reinforced to me. My negotiation skills are still very sharp.
Speaker 1:It proved to me that, no matter the circumstance, I'm always ready for an interview and I know how to deliver on an interview, even three months after giving birth Number three. It showed me that the market is very volatile but you know, I'm still very abreast of what's going on and I'm still open to you know Finding opportunities and knowing where those opportunities sit and furnishing those opportunities. And and also what I proved to myself is I can do it. I have made the decision to stay a contractor. I'm gonna not be perm anytime soon and I've managed to secure it to a point where you know, contracting until I'm, whenever age I want to do it is viable for me. But it's also about what works for you. You know people say, oh, you can't plan on having kids, but I don't actually agree. I think you can.
Speaker 1:I think that you can make a conscious decision to have a better relationship with money, and I have a podcast about that, about developing your financial Attitude and you'll you know, being able to understand your relationship with money. And I have a podcast of financial education and there was two episodes I did where I spoke about that. I spoke about, you know, my Journey with money was never good. It wasn't, it was really bad. And now, like, my credit score is 960 now, you know, there was a time I couldn't even afford signage towels. I just buy really good toilet roll and fold them up Like it really is.
Speaker 1:Like you know, started from the bottom, and the reason I share all of this and share the blueprint is to show that I don't have two heads. Like, I just really believe in my source. I'm a subject matter expert. I strive to be the best in class at what I do and To be a student of life and a student of what I do for a living really open up the opportunity to learn and grow, and a lot of the opportunities that have come my way has come specifically because, in my opinion, contracting, because who's really waiting to To be recognized by an organization you've been working at for five years for them to promote you and then them to then offer you, or you have to take, put their head and beg them to give you pay rise, or you don't understand. Like for me, I can't take it and I'm so happy for the opportunity and the blessing to be a contractor because it was one of my friends that Opens up my eyes to be in a contractor. She was a contractor first and she was actually this is you and then taking that risk to be and I say a risk because at the time I didn't even have savings. So if it went badly Like gender, don't understand, I hadn't planned For it. But there's a lot of things that when I'm advising people when they're going into contracting, there's a lot of things I advise them on the back of what I learned when I became a contractor.
Speaker 1:But back to the old tab Um, I think you can plan maternity 100%. Think you can. I think you can plan it in terms of if you have a good relationship with money, you've really started saving. Then you just need to go into stacking mode. Um, because nappies everything you have to buy Buggies, your buggies is is the most expensive upfront investment that I found. My my buggy was almost 2,000 pounds. So you know, um, then you've got to get a crib. If you've got more than Two floors, or more than one floor in your house, you have to have certain things on each floor and then it starts to build up. It becomes really expensive. So, for me, I think you can have a better develop, a better relationship with money to build the foundation for things like starting a family and going on maternity. Um, I would also say that I Definitely feels, though, you can Be a lot more in charge of how maternity goes for you. So I think I shared this before, but I'll I'll show it again.
Speaker 1:When I was six months pregnant, I was already looking for nurseries, because I wasn't going to do this waiting list thing, because I needed to know that if I could find a good nursery, going back to work when I wanted to would more likely happen. Do you know what I mean? So at six months, you know I went round to look at different nurseries. I spoke to a lot of my friends about what to look for in a nursery. You know what makes a bad nursery like. How do I really know if this is the right nursery for my child? I got some great advice. If you want me to talk about that, then DM and e or email me. I'm happy to share that information. But I found a very, very good nursery.
Speaker 1:Put my daughter's name on the waiting list at that. Put my net daughter's name down Sorry, at the time we didn't even have a name for her Put her down and we made a decision that she'd go in twice a week because for us as a family, we knew that you, you know a child's gonna go from being at home home comforts to going into a new environment. Twice a week would be really nice. It would give me an opportunity to have a few days to myself, but also to settle in my daughter, and before then she'd go into Um full time. And that's exactly what happened.
Speaker 1:So my daughter started nursery when she was Um five months old. She was just shy of six months and it meant that Also as well before she developed such an attachment to me that it would become difficult to take her to nursery and leave her there without her screaming. My mom shared with me that when um she took me to nursery, I would scream and scream and scream and scream and get into such a state, and I always remembered that because I think I'd, you know, created I had such a good bond with my mom as a baby that separate separation anxiety was very real. So I was very conscious to Do what I could to limit the any trauma attached to my to leaving my daughter at nursery. I take my daughter to nursery and she's never cried once.
Speaker 1:She loves it there. She's one of the youngest in her rooms and she's very well taken care of, very well cared for. There's cameras in the rooms so we can log in and see at any one time what's going on. I can. There's a root phone in the room so I can call in and ask is she okay? So, for example, she's got a bit of a cold, how she, how she faring and stuff. It's a very good and it's it's one of those old school, conventional nurseries. Um, you know they have a curriculum. You know they have room leaders. They have Development milestones for the, for the, the babies and the kids, um, and there's heavy communication. There's a hand over. You know it's just over. It's for me it's really good now. Could it be better? Yes, most nurseries could be better, but the they have independent. Um, you know they have their own Offsteds and stuff so, and safeguarding and stuff like that. So I've read around the nursery and how they've dealt with my daughter and how she reacts tells me that she's really happy, um, and that makes it even easier to then return back to work.
Speaker 1:So, but these things were put in place when I was six months pregnant. I didn't know my child's personality, I didn't know how I would cope, I didn't know what the future held. But because I was able to plan and prepare, now that I'm going back to work a month early, it's it is a lot more peaceful, a lot more fluid, um, and I'm going back and I still have savings. And that was my thing. Like I didn't want to use all of my savings. And then I'm like, oh, I've got to go back, and then that anxiety as well. So I'm going back and I still have savings. So what I'm going to do is move that money, um, into my daughter's savings account and then put some of that money into my lifetime savings and still have some money left.
Speaker 1:Um, if someone wants to ask me how much you should have for maternity, depends on what your expenses are. But, like for me, um, I had over 50,000 pounds because what we was not going to do is be panicking. I still have a mortgage Um to contribute towards. We still have bills to contribute. I have a car. Petrol is expensive, we you know the bills are rising electricity, gas, you know so I needed to make sure that I had enough and I also wanted a bit of a buffer so that, even if I decided at the time that I didn't want to go back into January, I could go back when I felt more comfortable and then I had a couple of thousand just for as an emergency fund. Remember, I worked up until two weeks before my due date. Remember, also in August before we had much-had weddings. So we've had a lot of expenses, but we've had to be really financially disciplined and that came from not because we had these things going, but because we've done the work years before.
Speaker 1:So my thing is you can't work through financial issues when you have big financial liabilities like weddings and children and stuff. You have to be able to work on these things when you have the opportunity to straighten things out, because that is something that you're sowing to later on harvest, when you decide to buy a house, for example, when you decide to have a child. Children are a financial liability. When you're applying for a mortgage, you ask if you've got any dependence, because that is an expense that you have to pay Nursery, childcare, whatever it is, and also your, your feeding, clothing, you know. So you have to be able to have it, and this is something that I'm gonna teach my daughter.
Speaker 1:Having a good relationship with money isn't just about making sure you get good value for your money. It's all about planning for the future of things, respecting money enough to know that it will only come to you if you do the work. Do you understand? If you do the work on straightening out any unhealthy habits that you have? I like nice things. I had to reward myself for it. Every time I get a new contract, I reward myself. Every time I finish a contract, I reward myself. Any time I get my contract renewed, I reward myself within reason. This is why I encourage people to negotiate salaries, negotiate day rates, because you need to be able to get the maximum amount of money that you can, to be able to save and to be able to do Like a lot of people did not learn from the pandemic.
Speaker 1:I've shared this before the pandemic, I earned the most money I've ever earned in my life. Yeah, because I had done the financial literacy in the financial education. During the pandemic, I was holding down two contracts as well, two contracts and I was consulting. On top of that, I was working on big, big, big, big, big, big projects by the way, I didn't have time for bullshit like I didn't have time and on top of that, during the pandemic, me and Kay were buying another place. So a lot of financial liabilities, a lot of them. But if we did not do the work, would we have seen for certain financial opportunities during the pandemic? No, all I wanted to do is stack and save, stack and save. And then that's when I saw the beauty of working from home, because what organizations don't understand and they can't accept is just because I've got more than one contract doesn't mean that you're less down the priority, but they can't help it.
Speaker 1:Especially when it comes to black people earning money and maximizing our opportunity. It's almost like they see it as an issue because they never thought of how to maximize their earning potential. I don't know, but we don't tap into privilege because we don't have any as black people. So what do we do? We maximize our opportunities, we negotiate, we create better terms for ourselves. We understand, by the grace of God, the value that we bring. We're sadistic matter experts. We're educated to the nines. We understand that we have to be best in class at what we do. But it's also about how you use that to maximize your financial ability to make as much money as possible.
Speaker 1:What does success mean to you of artists in several episodes? What does it mean? Does it mean that you earn a certain amount? Does it mean that you are on top of your game in terms of promotions and stuff like that? Like? What does success? How does it look like to you? Does it mean? Does success look like, I don't know, a five bedroom house, a car, a white picket fence? You know you don't have to get people to agree to what success looks like for you. It's a personal thing. It's about what makes you, what fulfills you, what keeps you motivated, what is the thing that you want to achieve most that will fulfill you as a person, and how can you attain that success. So for me, the Toy Talks podcast is that it is about how to attain success, how to grow, how to work through certain traumas to be able to maximize your ability to be present, how to navigate successfully, to be present, to be able to get what you deserve. Yeah, like I'm done with the insubservient years ago. I'm done. I'm done with making you know.
Speaker 1:I remember, you know I was thinking about this the other day. I remember in my 20s, when I was offered a job and I got a job my first day, I'd go to the manager and say thank you for hiring me, thank you for offering me the job. I'm so grateful. I used to say that you know that is wild. Thank you for hiring you. Had a vacancy that you needed to be filled and clearly I had the skill set and I had what you thought was what I needed to do the job. I don't need to just personally go. I used to have this substance so grateful, so grateful bullshit. I don't say thank you, you know what I do. I just deliver. I'm gonna make you want me again and again and again. I'm gonna make you renew that contract several times and then I'm gonna be like, oh, I don't want you. Okay, what do we, what can we do to make you renew? Okay, I need more money, I need better terms.
Speaker 1:Somebody sent me something on TikTok where some girl, a woman, lady, girl, I don't know a female where she said if you want to hold on to your job, you need to accept every invitation to like social events at work. If you want to hold on to your job, if you want to be successful, you need to go to every event. Every office drinks, every this. That's bullshit. I've always told you that. So what happens the one time when you can't and you say no, listen, don't make a rod after your own back. You know people talk about social currency. Use your brain. That's what I'm gonna say. Like, boundaries cannot be created. If you do, if you go to everything and you're a yes man all the time. That's not how to hold on to a job.
Speaker 1:How to hold on to a job is to be strategic, is to really take the time to look at certain things, to set objectives, know what you want to do, to understand the different players in an organisation. Who is the troublemaker? Who's the decision maker? Who will directly influence your ability to get to the next level. How are you gonna manipulate certain situations to get what you want? And then, looking further afield than where you work about the competition, like, how am I gonna navigate? I'm sorry, there's no such thing as job security, and staying in a job for 10 years does not mean anything other than okay, you're loyal to the job, but are they loyal to you? You don't owe anyone anything. What did you learn from the pandemic and how will you using those things to your advantage? I'm really sorry. I let me be an example to you.
Speaker 1:The last time I went to a Christmas party was like 2015, 2015. The last time I went to like a drinks or something, or I would go to certain things periodically, was like 2018, periodically. So, for example, I was working for a tech organisation and I made a commitment that once a month, I do go to drinks and what I would do is I'll go, socialise and then leave, and I would not always accept an invitation. So the one time I did, they'd make it into a big deal. I created boundaries because I didn't want to get home at 10 o'clock to be back in the office again for 7.30. Do you understand? I did it and also, as well, I didn't allow an organisation to feel that my success and my progress within an organisation depends on how many drinks I attend.
Speaker 1:It's a very cheap way to do things Cheap. I don't need to go to lunch with you. I remember one time I'd asked for lunch, I was like I'm fasting. They just looked at me. They didn't know what to do. I'm fasting. I'm fasting from toxicity. I'm fasting from bullshit. I want to eat in peace. I would just say it and I'm not lying. I am fasting from bullshit. I'm fasting from, from toxicity, and sometimes you just need to break.
Speaker 1:It's not everything you can say yes to In ordinary life. Do you say yes to everything? So why is it any different in the workplace? Like, why are you transferring all that power to an organisation? Why are you doing that? Is it because you don't believe in yourself enough, in your strategy, enough in your career? Like, what is that? Let me be really clear to you. If I did a strategic need navigating my career the way I did and the way I've shared, and giving you all the blueprint through the master classes and the podcast If I didn't do that, I wouldn't be a contractor.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I wouldn't be senior in the way I've been able to navigate and I wouldn't be earning more money now than I've ever earned in my entire career. I wouldn't be in that position. So surely I'm doing something right, surely I am. So like this new place I'm going to now I'm sure they're gonna be doing drinks and stuff. I'm, I don't, me, no, I'm not going to anything and I can't Between you and I. You know, I have a daughter, I've got a family and I don't have time. But could I go to a lunch once a month, maybe, but if they, if they stay good, if they start doing all this toxic shit, no, I'm not. Oh, I need to. I've got a deadline. I don't have time.
Speaker 1:And it's about being so good at your job, being a subject matter expert, delivering, but setting boundaries. So whoever said that? That girl that said I was just looking at her like but how much do you earn? Yeah, and what is your total? How? How Do you understand? That is a low level response. It's low level. It's low vibration. You have to keep your job, you need to accept every meeting, every social event. It's a low vibrational way to approach work and your career, slow vibrations. Where in your contract does it say you have to go to every social event? It doesn't. But what you do need is to be strategic, and this is where I've created the platform. There's nothing I've shared here that you can't recreate or you can't adapt to where you are. And I don't talk a lot, I speak less, I observe a lot and then I move.
Speaker 1:The thing is me, I'm Carmen Sandiego. I'm all over the place, honey. I'm talking to this person about this opportunity and this role. You're going to think that this is the only role I'm ever interested in these times. I've probably got another contract. I'm consulting over there, I'm speaking to this person here and furnishing this relationship with this recruiter over here Strategic, and I'm still delivering. It's really simple, it's transactional. The only commitment I ever have made in my life is to my husband to be married. I'm not making that commitment to a role in an organization, and this is what I feel like.
Speaker 1:For me, being a contractor works. I'm a free spirit as well, but if you're going to be a Pam, you have to adopt these blueprints. That's the only way you're going to have peace and tranquility or at least operate strategically in a healthy environment. That's my view, anyway. I'm going to leave it there. Happy new year, happy 2024. Hopefully this is a rejuvenating episode for you all at the start of the year.
Speaker 1:I'm really happy that I've been able to record this. Wish me luck for my first day, because I'm a bit nervous, yeah, because, listen, I've already had COVID once. Hey, I'm just getting public transport, what is this? But I've also set the tone. So I'm getting in at 10, after my last meeting, 10am after my last meeting, I'm going home, put my laptop on 5pm, going to cut my daughter. My daughter will never be the first person in nursery and will never be the last person to be collected. That's a commitment I have made between me and my husband. That's what we've made. So everything else has to work around my life. Now, that wouldn't be possible if I wasn't strategic, right? Okay, if I could share what I'm really nervous about.
Speaker 1:I think it's overstimulation. So I think, as a mom, people don't talk about being overstimulated. Your baby's crying, bright lights, things like that, always being in a state of worry, especially being a new mom, it can be quite overstimulating. But I've not been in an office in almost three years. So being overstimulated with noise and smells and you know, do they have a tea and biscuit brigade? Because I'm not interested, I'm bringing my own coffee, everything my own, my own jug for my drink, not jug, but you know what I mean. Like I'm very self-sufficient.
Speaker 1:Go there, get done, leave. I'm going to be a contractor in every essence of the word. If I'm going to be on a Wednesday, I'm not going to just be there from nine to five so you can see me. No, after my last meeting I'm going to go home and say I'll switch on my laptop when I get home. That's my attitude. Why am I staying till five? I can't anyway. I'm not trying to do rush hour with you lot. I say you lot, but who's really trying to do rush hour? That's not normal. Rush hour is not normal in London. Sorry, so I need to leave at four more so I can get back home for five. I don't live in London anymore as well. That's my excuse and all these train companies we're striking. Is it really going to be one day a week? We'll see. Anyway, I hope this has helped you.
Speaker 1:For those of you who want to learn more, the associated masterclass to this podcast episode is a maternity masterclass available on the toytalkscom website. Thank you for joining me, thank you for your support, thank you for your love. Please follow me on my social media handles TikTok, toya, washington or one word. Follow me on my personal Instagram page, which is Toya underscore Washington. There is a Toya Talks podcast Instagram page, which is Toya underscore talks. I am also on Snapchat, which is the original birthplace of the Toya Talks brand podcast.
Speaker 1:You name it and the handle there is Toya Washington, and I am also available to answer any of your work related or life related dilemmas Anonymously. Your name will not be shared and if I have to change certain things so that you will not be exposing yourself to be identified, I will happily do that. So in the subject box, just tell me it's a dilemma and maybe a short introduction sentence. Subject line, subject head out of your dilemma and email hello at toytalkscom. And of course, we have the masterclasses. So we have the interview masterclass, the CV masterclass, we have passing or probation negotiation, redundancy, the mother daughter masterclass, we have the freelancing interim contractor masterclass and so so much more. Go ahead and have a look at those on the toytalkscom website.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for listening. I really appreciate each and every one of you. Hopefully we can go into 2024 and achieve all our goals manifest in all the things on our vision board. Also, keep an ear out because I will be discussing even more so Toy Talks Live 2024. We had our first Toy Talks Live in 2018. It was amazing. It was sold out within, I think within a week. It was sold out.
Speaker 1:I was meant to do one, I believe, in 2020, but the pandemic struck and I had to refund everyone their money and say you know what, we'll try and do this again another time. And here we are now, in 2024. The time is now. We're ready. So at some point this year, I will be discussing the Toy Talks Live, what that would look like, the dates, where it will be. It will definitely be held in London. Once I have secured the venue, I will let you know. Yeah, and it'll be limited tickets. Once they're gone, they're gone. There may also be maybe a parol or some stationery, maybe that will be exclusively sold during the event. Maybe, so you've heard it exclusively here. First, the Toy Talks Live 2024, delivered by me, toy Washington. Yours truly, I can't wait. Take care, make sure you share, discuss this episode in your group chats and email me. Send me a DM. Thank you so much for listening. My name is Toy Washington and you have been listening to the Toy Talks Podcast.