Toya Talks
DILEMMA Episode : How do I unsign a contract?
This is a Dilemma Episode.
This episode contains x6 dilemmas.
As we delve deeper, we share impactful tales of overcoming discrimination and hostility in the workplace. One listener shares her story of triumph in the financial services industry while dealing with uncooperative colleagues and an unsupportive line manager. We debunk the misconception that compressed hours are only for those with families and emphasise the importance of self-care in professional settings.
Finally, we tackle the uneasy territory of retracting a job offer in a hostile work environment. We lend our personal experiences and advice on signing contracts and highlight the importance of strategic decision-making in our careers. On top of that, we share insights on establishing a side hustle and navigating a career in contract management. Whether you aim to leave a legacy at your workplace or become a subject matter expert in your field, this episode offers a wealth of knowledge for everyone. Tune in for an engaging and empowering discussion that will surely leave you inspired and better equipped to handle your professional journey.
Sponsorships - Email me: hello@toyatalks.com
TikTok: toya_washington
Twitter: @toya_w (#ToyaTalksPodcast)
Snapchat: @toyawashington
Instagram: @toya_washington & @toya_talks
www.toyatalks.com
https://toyatalks.com/
This is a Dilemma Episode.
This episode contains x6 dilemmas.
As we delve deeper, we share impactful tales of overcoming discrimination and hostility in the workplace. One listener shares her story of triumph in the financial services industry while dealing with uncooperative colleagues and an unsupportive line manager. We debunk the misconception that compressed hours are only for those with families and emphasise the importance of self-care in professional settings.
Finally, we tackle the uneasy territory of retracting a job offer in a hostile work environment. We lend our personal experiences and advice on signing contracts and highlight the importance of strategic decision-making in our careers. On top of that, we share insights on establishing a side hustle and navigating a career in contract management. Whether you aim to leave a legacy at your workplace or become a subject matter expert in your field, this episode offers a wealth of knowledge for everyone. Tune in for an engaging and empowering discussion that will surely leave you inspired and better equipped to handle your professional journey.
Sponsorships - Email me: hello@toyatalks.com
TikTok: toya_washington
Twitter: @toya_w (#ToyaTalksPodcast)
Snapchat: @toyawashington
Instagram: @toya_washington & @toya_talks
www.toyatalks.com
https://toyatalks.com/
Most people don't want to be part of the process. They just want to be part of the outcome. But the process is where you figure out who's worth being part of the outcome, and that is a quote by Scotty Pippin. Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Toy Talks podcast. It is kind of like an emergency episode insofar as it hasn't been pre-recorded. I've received quite a few dilemmas and I just kind of felt like this needed to be a dilemma episode. So this is going to be the last dilemma episode of 2023. Of course, we're going into 2024. So any dilemmas I get from here on in will be addressed, of course, anonymously, in 2024.
Speaker 1:I want to caveat this episode by saying a girl is tired, I am exhausted and I'm going to like say this you have to do motherhood when you are ready, because it is a lot. Okay, and my daughter is a very good baby. She's seven months old and she's amazing, but it is a lot. It's a big balancing act. And then, on top of that, you're expected to sharp for work and always be on 10, ready to deliver. As a parent, you have no choice but to deliver Housework, life and everything in between. I'm showing up as a wife, a friend, a mother, and it is a lot. But then, at the same time, I definitely feel like I chose to be a mother at the time when I was ready. I look at my child and I feel so grateful and I'm so happy that I did it according to what I wanted to do. Can you imagine not getting everything fully out of your system, feeling the pressures of society or family to have a child, and then looking at your child and thinking I could have done this and I could have done that, and that was always something that I never wanted to experience? So now, when I have friends who are living their best lives and they're doing the spontaneous holidays and they're turning up, I am clapping and celebrating them because I had my time and I did it and I've got it fully out of my system.
Speaker 1:I think it's important to understand that motherhood is also a sacrifice and I think when you have decided, or life has decided, that you're going to be an older mum, I don't think you're any more tired than you would be in your twenties, but I think the responsibility when you're older is understood in its entirety because you're now you've developed the emotional maturity or most of us would have developed the emotional maturity to understand what motherhood really means and how you want to redefine motherhood according to the mothering that you received. So I'm just tired, I'm really exhausted and I'm a low iron babe, so hasn't helped. But listen, I'm in my reality show bag at the moment. I'm really enjoying reality shows and I think it's just what relaxes me. So the Real Housewives of Lagos hey, if you want to hear my thoughts, make sure you go and follow me on Instagram.
Speaker 1:Toya Underscore Washington, and I might do a TikTok as well about some of these reality shows and kind of link it to work and stuff, because I feel, like how we navigate people and being strategic and understanding some of the pettiness that lives inside of people, that jealousy is real and people envy what is bright and shiny, not understanding the labour that people have gone to to achieve that bright and shiny. Nobody wants to adopt the labour. They just want to adopt the bright and shiny. You have to be careful what you wish for, because when somebody has worked hard for something, especially as a black woman, the likelihood is that she's walked through trenches, but no one wants to have that conversation.
Speaker 1:I'm also watching Real Housewives of Miami. Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the Bell Collective, marita Medicine. Real Housewives of Potomac. I'm even going to lie here. I feel like when rich white people don't know how to argue and when they do, they sound like they've got blocked nasal passage. But I'm realising that it's all the Botox. You're a slut. Like how dare you, how very dare you. Like I don't know what your problem is. You need to stop talking about me. That's how they talk, whereas for us black people, we're ready to read shade and get into the mess. And I'm here for a reality show and I love seeing black reality shows as well, because it shows the rich side of our blackness. And seeing rich black women and men is something to be celebrated, and we see a lot of it in the States, less so here in the UK, and reality shows typically do very well in the US. I don't know if it's because they've got a bigger budget or the cast is more strategically selected, but for me personally, I've enjoyed these reality shows, and even Bell Collective is quite boring, but I like boring reality shows as well. As long as there's a black cast, I'm willing to give it a chance, right, okay, so let's move on to the dilemmas, because there are quite a few, so let's get into it. Okay, so this one is called Unlawful Deduction of Wages Fired on the First Day. Hi Toya, hope you are well, and the little one too.
Speaker 1:I'm emailing you on behalf of my brother, who doesn't seem to know as a young man he has rights. He was working for the company below and they got rid of him for no reason and not given an explanation. Everyone he calls or emails, they say they will contact the manager and they don't get back. They literally fired him on the day with no explanation. What really pissed me off is that they took his last pay, paid the young man nothing. My brother contacted a solicitor online who he paid for out of his own pocket, and this solicitor told him that he had no grounds to stand on. They can. I don't think that is right at all and I just wondered if you could take a glimpse at the contract and who he can contact to help us or even go to court. He was doing a kind of apprenticeship which they paid for, but he did not breach the contract. They let him go. So I don't believe they have the right. I hope you can help, kind regards.
Speaker 1:So she sent me a contract and she sent me some other things. I asked some clarification questions and she came back to me. Now they have since. The agency have since come back and explained why they have sacked him. Now I want to be clear about something. There are different types of ways to contract. So you can contract through a limited company, you can contract through an umbrella company or you can contract directly with an agency. Now, I remember in my younger years I did agency work and that's very different to an umbrella company in terms of who employs you, who signs the contract and who pays you. In this instance, it seems as though he works for an agency and their agency contracts his services out to an end client. Now what she has subsequently sent me is a contract termination confirmation. What they have basically said is that so they have given some dates, like from his start date, and they have given a few dates, and they have said the whole of his invoice journey was not good and the ops and compliance team decided that we could not do any more to support him in an effort for him to complete the diploma. This was based on feedback from the training centre, mentors and field supervisors.
Speaker 1:The issue that I have here, and I think it's two-fold. I think that you're dealing with a lawful deduction of wages on one hand and on the second hand, what you're dealing with is termination of an employment contract. They're two separate issues. On the employment contract, I read what was sent and it's very difficult because I would need to see every single paperwork that was given. And I don't contract my services to individuals. I only do it from limited company to limited company. So it's not something that I can take on and advise and things like that. But for the purposes of this dilemma, this is what I'm going to say you need to deal with them separately and I think what I'm getting from you is less about trying to be re-employed by this company, but more about the unlawful deduction of wages. So I am going to say this when you are terminated on the spot and you have been sacked from a job with immediate effect, there has to be a growth misconduct issue. That is the likelihood that it's a growth misconduct. It's like a strict liability.
Speaker 1:Now I have the passing your probation masterclass, and I've been really clear about how to manage your probation to ensure that the employer has a hand and has a duty to pass you. That's number one. Number two the more involved an employer is in passing you, the more of a duty they have to, for example, make sure you get your training and actually, if there are issues, to bring them to the fourth front in a managed situation. But you've got to manage that probation. I'm really clear in the passing your probation masterclass how you do it and it's a technique that has worked with me for several years and it was off the back of having a contract terminated and I had nothing to stand on, even though I was right. But I messed up because I failed to hold the organisation accountable through a managed probation period that I was going to manage. Number two it isn't an organisation's interest to pass you. But the issue is, if they've decided they don't want to pass you, they could have really started a recruitment process and you'd been on the wiser, because it depends.
Speaker 1:How Do you understand what I'm saying? So I think that in terms of being sacks, I think You're left. It's too much of it's too messy to pursue that. But the lawful deduction of wages now that's a completely separate issue, and lawful deduction of wages is strict liability offense. So you don't have to wait for anything. You could just apply to the courts, as long as you can evidence that there was like, for example, no warnings, and there's nothing in the contract that allows an employer to do that.
Speaker 1:Now we're living in the UK and that was one of the first questions that I had and I could see from the contract it's a UK-based contract, but I think what you need to do now is you need to send a formal email and you need to entitle it letter before action, because if you want to take it to court, you have to show and demonstrate to the court that you have put the employer on notice, that you are gonna go to court. Now there is a website called ACAS and ACAS is really good in terms of dealing with employment issues. Now, acas is not a website I readily talk about all the time, just because I feel like with ACAS, there has to be a responsibility that we have in terms of how to manage our employment. Acas is more like mediation and things like that, and in this situation, I think it's probably best suited the fact that your brother has spent money to get legal advice. Who could claim those costs on top of the unlawful deduction of wages? I would send a letter before action.
Speaker 1:I have reviewed my employment contract and, whilst you have terminated me with immediate effect, you have chosen to also not adhere to the notice period within my contract that allows for one month's notice. You have not provided any written acknowledgement as to the reason why. All you have done is provided a letter after the fact. There has been no warning, there has not been an opportunity to rectify any said situation, and I'm actually shocked and disgusted that I'm finding out about the issues now. However, unlawful deduction of wages is a strict liability offence and therefore I don't need to wait for anything. I can go to the court and ask that my money that is owed to me be refunded and the money I've spent on lawyers to review this matter be refunded to me too.
Speaker 1:There is no situation that would warrant you to withhold payment from me, and there's nothing in the contract that allows you to do that. There's no provision in the contract that allows you to do that. I'm giving you 14 days in which to rectify this situation. I want to understand why my payment hasn't been made. I need an acknowledgement to this letter, and then I will be taking external advice about moving forward if this situation is not resolved amicably simple. Now it's really difficult because I feel like I'm getting this dilemma in bits, because I find it really hard to believe that they had all these issues about invoicing and stuff like that and there was no emails and there was no letters. And this is the problem when a dilemma is sent in and I'm getting it in bits, it's really difficult to advise. But that's why I've separated this out to termination with immediate effect and unlawful deduction of wages, and I think we have to accept to an extent that it's an apprenticeship.
Speaker 1:I think it works slightly different. The contract is not. It's not a great contract. Personally it's not. And it's really a shame that the young ones coming up are not educated in contracts because on its really basic level, I feel like everybody should understand what they're signing and understand how to question what they're signing. And I feel like, in the same way, people talk about investments and stuff like that and that seems to be more at the forefront of what people wanna talk about.
Speaker 1:Contracts is really important. You're signing an employment contract and, whilst everything is going well, you start to know the essence and the magnitude of what you're signing when something goes wrong. So when somebody approaches me, the first thing I say is where's your employment contract? And for most of you, the last time you saw your employment contract is when you signed it. And that is really sad, because when it comes to bonuses, when it comes to pensions, when it comes to a real, these situations should encourage you to look at your contract and see how your contract covers you in certain situations. Now, I'm not blaming you. I think that it's something that I wish would be in the curriculum, especially in year 11s, when they're preparing to go into the wide world outside of the education system.
Speaker 1:I remember one of my first jobs I was working in. I think my very first job was Ethel Austin, as a sales assistant, and I signed a contract and I was like what it just turns 16. I didn't know what I was signing. I think part of the issue here is lack of understanding and going online and paying for a lawyer. I completely understand it, but this lawyer I mean I've not seen anything here where you've told me that he asked for employment contracts. He didn't ask for anything. It's probably just a conversation, an exchange of an email, and that's the advice he gave. And it's so sad that your brother has spent this money and got nothing back, so it feels like he's lost money again.
Speaker 1:Now I really hope the letter before action works and helps, because a lot of these organizations and agencies are relying on ignorance to get away with this stuff. You can't do that. The reason why I reference ACAS is ACAS Providing Mediation Service. So after your letter before action and then, depending on the response you get and you give, I would say you have seven days for a response and say to them I'm giving seven days for a response. If no response is received, I will be seeking an extended advice and approaching the courts and then, before then and once you after the seven days, then approach ACAS and they can set up a mediation and it will be an opportunity for you to see if you actually have a case. The mediator will literally mediate and encourage a resolution, and I think that's what you need in this situation.
Speaker 1:I think the other side of it is when you have a young person doing an apprenticeship and they're treated in this way, it does scar them in terms of the world of work and this is why I created the Toy Talks podcast, because I feel like there's so much information that is not shared and there's so much education that surrounds the world of work and as black people, we get it wrong a lot of the time, because for me to be where I am is because I went through something. I went through many things and I really want the next generation to learn and the next generation and the generations to follow have access to social media. We're talking and we're communicating and hopefully the Toy Talks podcast and platform plays a part in that ecosystem of knowledge. So hopefully that helps. Let me know, keep me updated. Unfortunately, as I said before, I don't do I don't consult for individuals. I do from business to business and that's more to safeguard my business, to make sure that I get paid for the work that I do, but also as well, I feel like when you take on individual clients, it kind of gets messy because there's so much emotion involved. But this is why I created the dilemma, so that I can give a high level overview of advice in one place for everybody to learn from.
Speaker 1:Okay, next dilemma follow up to an old dilemma question how do you request compressed work in hours as a single black woman with no children? Is this even a thing? Hi Toya, I hope you and your family are doing well. Firstly, my apologies for this long email, but please bear with me as I set the scene for my dilemma. Now, before I continue, I just wanna like say this I'm dyslexic, which means that I have a learning disability, and when you guys send dilemmas, I need it straight to the point. Yeah, you can set the scene without telling me how you feel and everything, because I can already deduce how you feel. I'm an empath. I understand. Okay, I've been in the working world since I was 15, I get it. And please have mercy on me too, because if this is really long, it means also that we can't get all the dilemmas in. So when you say, please bear with me, this is really long, I'm not dedicating one episode to your dilemma. You have to also consider other people. But let's get into it.
Speaker 1:About 18 months ago, I shared with you my gratitude for the much needed guidance that you offer through your podcast by telling my testimony. From listening to your podcast to masterclasses, I was empowered with skills to pretty much double my annual income in financial services just for context, from 30,000 per annum to 60,000 per annum in a short period of time. To say that it's been a steep learning curve is an understatement, but I've welcomed the learning journey. Aside from imposter syndrome, which lasted six months, I was starting to feel more confident around nine months into the role and I was asked to lead a project. For this project, I worked with small SMEs so small to medium enterprises to produce a detailed report which identified a new risk that could cost the bank X amount of billions If not appropriately mitigated. I wish I could say the number, but for context, if loss it's enough to destroy an institution bigger than Credit Suisse and Silicon Valley Bank, the stark findings and potential losses captured within the report meant that it was rapidly escalated to the CEO.
Speaker 1:This is a global bank, by the way, and I had to go through many stakeholder engagements. Sha centuries old commercial strategies will now be radically changed and this will be disclosed in the media soon. Please bear in mind that I have only worked. Okay, she doesn't want me to disclose how long she's worked since uni, but I don't know why. Not because anyway, I've only worked for a few years. The impact of this research has been described to me as career changing.
Speaker 1:However, I didn't get time to celebrate because I soon noticed that my line managers attitude changed as soon as the project concluded and became high profile Typical, isn't it? She started to cut me out of key meetings. She also would not allow me to present the work to stakeholders. This was incredibly sad and took a toll on my mental health, making me question my value. My teammates also started to cut me out of meetings or make snide remarks. I've always been a team player, so I share resources to help others with their work. But notice that a teammate started to present my work as his and would take credit when presenting to MDs. I even started re-listening to one of your podcast episodes New Level, new Demon. No, I think you mean this New Level, new Devil. So I get it. They didn't expect a young black girl from Nigeria and Despera to do the most. I do even expect this of me, but I'm always trying to deliver excellent work. I had no idea the outputs before I started, so this was not planned.
Speaker 1:Anyways, the last five months have taken an emotional toll on me, making me really question what it is that I want out of life and my identity. I have decided that I'd like to be a contractor, but I know that I still need to have a few more years' experience on my CV. That's not true. I also know that I won't intentionally move roles because of their negative energy, because the God that I serve is bigger. I've decided to commit more time to the charity that I set up. I took a step back when I moved into this role, but I feel like it will help improve my wellbeing to give back to others.
Speaker 1:I'm a single black woman with no kids. How would you advise that I engage with my manager to talk about this issue, working compressed hours, ie four days a week, not because I have kids or dependents, but because it will allow me to commit the time to focus on charity work? I've been advised by my mentor that, given the cost of living crisis and job cuts, it may not be the best time to ask, but I'm not sure if he's coming from a place of fear. I've also been told by a family to push ahead and focus only on my job so I can build a successful career. This is not that long. Well, wellbeing and health is so important to me. I've recently been diagnosed with all sorts low iron, vitamin D, blood pressure, et cetera, and I think this is largely due to mental stress that I have put myself through by being a people pleaser over the last few years.
Speaker 1:I'm in my late 20s, so I just want to make decisions now that will make 40 year old me proud. Any tips on navigating the compressed hours conversations with my shady line manager would be much appreciated. I'm hoping to bring this up and she goes. Fyi, I will celebrate when the press releases announced because I'm going to update my CV so quickly. There won't be no way of them. So again, thank you, toya.
Speaker 1:As a first born girl, you're really a virtual big sister, but I've always that I've always wanted to send you love and good vibes, like so, okay, okay, there's a few things I want to say. Sis, can I say something? It's really exhausting being a people pleaser, and I should know because for many, many years, especially my 20s, I was a people pleaser. What happened during those periods of being a people pleaser is I was very tired because I was always keeping up with the genesis of pleasing. Secondly, I think that you're looking at your career all wrong.
Speaker 1:As I'm reading this, I don't even think you're hyping yourself. You're not hyping yourself. Let me tell you something. I am shameless in hyping myself because society spends so much time telling me I ain't shit when I know, not only am I the shit, I'm the whole toilet, darling, I am everything. I am the handle, I am the bathroom, I am the tiles. I am the shit, I am everything. If you do not believe in yourself, how can you expect other people to? When you say navigating compressed hours, this is what I'm gonna say to you, sis.
Speaker 1:When people are present in your work and passing off stuff as yours, people are cutting you out of meetings. In fact, what they're trying to do is push you out. When you are silent, you're not advocating for yourself. You're allowing people to show you this. You are allowing people and giving people life. That's to disrespect you, but you're also disrespecting yourself. Because I'm one of those people, let me tell you something. We all like praise. We're human beings.
Speaker 1:I've worked in organizations before, notably one of like a well-known listen. It was Goldman Sachs, and I learned a lot there. I went through a lot, though I passed through a lot, but I learned a lot. You know one of the main things I learned from Goldman Sachs If you don't toot your own horn, you will shrivel up in silence and you will be part of the history books, and history is only told by the people that are interested in that history. If you're not there, if the person is not there, they won't know about you. You understand, because there's nothing that you've left. I always say to myself wherever I am, I leave a mini-legacy, and the only way you can leave that mini-legacy is if you're able to advocate for yourself. You see me, I'm a very different breed of person. I work hard and you're gonna know about it. That's my attitude, whether you have children or not.
Speaker 1:I think we need to disperse this idea that compressed hours are reserved for people with families. Compressed hours are reserved for those who know how to apply for it. Simple as that. I think that you've dealt with this very wrong, because you could have lined yourself up for these compressed hours. You know how you could have done that by putting an audit trail in place that could have led to this.
Speaker 1:It's very hard now, working in retrospect, to try and get your compressed hours, because what are you going to say is the justification? You can't say your mental health, not at this point, because I don't feel like you've strategically navigated in a way that you can now rely on that, whereas if you had like a, let's say, for instance, when your boss started cutting you out of emails if meetings, I would have just sent her an email and say I've noticed there's some meetings that I'm not a part of. Please can you clarify why I'm not part of these meetings? Given that a lot of this is the project that I researched, I'd put her on blast like that. You know, there's a way that you can write an email and you take what is in the dark and put it in the light and then you start to build a case. From what I'm seeing here, you'd even have a burn folder. So when you say you listen to a podcast, I have to ask myself are you listening to listen? Are you listening to be strategic? So if you're listening to be strategic, you would have a nice little healthy burn folder. And now, when you're applying for these compressed hours, it's literally going to be attachments that you're going to attach to prove every point as to the reason why you need these compressed hours.
Speaker 1:I think, moving forward, I think you need to see what the policy is on compressed hours for your workplace. Do they have a policy that has it? And if it does, if there is a policy, what criteria is needed and how do you fall into each criteria? I think that the way to approach this is you can't be in the shadows. It's not going to work. I think that you need to send an email to your boss and I think you need to see CHR, and I think that you need to bring some of your concerns to the forefront and I tell you why. Because they're going to be then looking for a solution. Okay, how do we resolve this? And that's when you can bring in the compressed hours. I think that you need to show examples and I mean tangible examples of you being cut out of meetings and where you feel undermined and undervalued. And I think you need to bring in that there is a duty of care to your well-being and your development as an employee, because that places the duty and the onus of that duty on the employer, do you understand? Because I feel like you need to line them up for an eventual request for compressed hours and then when you adjust to so I think that you need to have that conversation. So you're going to have to work a bit backwards, darling. I don't think this compressed hours is going to happen in a matter of months. I think you're going to have to like work your way up to it, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:If you listen to the podcast, like really consume what's in this in my podcast episode, you'll know that part of the burn folder that you build isn't so that you use it immediately. It's so you can dip into it when you need to be strategic in certain situations. So what I would have done is, you see that colleague of yours that presented your work I'm sure there would have been some slides. What I would have done is put that in a burn folder and then when you are presenting or speaking to your boss, then you're able to reference certain things and I would even copy the MDs. I'll CC them for visuals.
Speaker 1:Me. Listen, let me tell you you cannot. You can't sit, especially in this day and age, and say somebody's passing off their work, passing off your work as theirs, and you just sit there and just be referencing in it to me. No, you have to be. When somebody decides to do that, they're doing it to people they know they can't get away with it. That's the truth. Somebody like me. You can't use my work and pass it off. A joy you, kind of it, because you know I'm going to call you out on that shit. In fact, the way I'm going to call you out is I'll even let you present it and at the end, when you share your document, I will reply to everybody in that meeting and say, oh, this looks like my work, so that everybody knows.
Speaker 1:No one likes plagiarism, no one likes a copycat, but you. I'm hoping that what you're understanding from me is that, sis, you can only shine as bright as you want to shine, or more shine. But I don't think you're ready for I don't know. I don't think you know your value and I think part of it is the imposter syndrome that you went through. But what was the result of the imposter syndrome? Like where, where, where are you now? In terms of that imposter syndrome? I feel like you're still there because somebody is taking credit for your work and you're just telling me about it. But what did you do? You have a duty to yourself to give yourself a chance.
Speaker 1:As a black woman, as in the dyspora, like as we are, we understand the difficulties we face in navigating life. The world of work is like it's crazy, because they don't want to see us, but they want the best and we come as the best in class, so they've got no choice but to hire us. But at the same time, as black women, we can't take our foot off the pedal. You have to understand that every day is exhausting because we're operating from a space of strategy. We have to be one step ahead. Let me tell you something and let's be really clear.
Speaker 1:At the point in which this project then kind of snowballed into this great big thing that was recognised by the MDs and stuff, it was always going to put your line manager's nose out of the joint, because what it's doing is catapulting you and dimming her, and she's probably less than in terms of capability. She's probably using privilege and all the rest of it, whereas for you you're using natural intelligence, and for some people that's quite frightening, because natural intelligence means that you deserve, that you've worked hard for it, and that natural intelligence comes from experience and whilst you haven't been in the field long, it shows you have a flair for what you do and rather than encourage you and rather than support you to make her look good, she sees you as a direct competition. She sees you as a direct threat to her job. That's what it is, and the way to manage that is to call and shame the devil. Audit trails I don't think you guys know how important they are because when these people are acting mad, they forget what they write.
Speaker 1:But you collecting this for your burn folder means that you've got a repository that you can tap into when you need, like a situation now where you want compressed hours. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as emailing HR and looking at the policy and request. That's not how it's going to go here. I think you need to see the policy so that you're at least aware of if any exists in relation to compressed hours. Then you have to build the foundation to request those compressed hours and the only way you're going to build that foundation is to work retrospectively and send that email to HR and have these conversations, because HR wants a resolution and your boss is not going to be expecting it from you and you need to now start collecting a burn folder and you really need to know that when you're destined for greatness, things like this happen and I understand where you're coming from about focusing your energy on uncharitable stuff. That is positive because it will help with your mental health and I get that.
Speaker 1:I get that because when I started the podcast, I think the podcast is very much that for me and sometimes I think it still is in terms of dealing with the world of work and having a safe space where we all collectively gather to have these conversations, or for me to record these podcasts. It is cathartic. It is Because sometimes it's exhausting just having to always be on strategy. It's actually tiring. Remember, I'm recalling my experiences, so I'm reliving traumas as well when I'm recording the podcast and then I am an empath, so I'm taking on some of the traumas when you guys send in those dilemmas and then I'm having to, you know, really tap into my experiences and then reopening parts. It's a lot. But then I know that part of the podcast is that therapy of being able to share, share dilemmas that everybody can learn and also hearing the success stories. That to me, so I get what you're coming from in terms of the charity aspect of it.
Speaker 1:I'm wanting to focus your mind on that. But I feel like your mental health, you have to prioritize and part of that prioritization of your mental health is now, if you, if the focus is to get compressed hours, you have to commit to the process that, unfortunately, is going to be retrospective. I hope this helps Keep me updated. I do also want to know if there's a policy in your organization that deals with compressed hours or, you know, mental health days. You know, let's see what they do have and work like that. So hopefully this helps and I wish you the best of luck. Thank you so much for writing in, because I know that was a lot for you to be able to do that, especially because I understand that I I do unpacking what you're going through in a very compressed way when it's probably a lot bigger than that in life and you're living it and you're experiencing it, and it's not nice being ostracized by colleagues who feel entitled to copy you but will never acknowledge you. I just think it's disgusting. But it's black women. We have to stand strong and we have to continue soldiering on.
Speaker 1:Okay, moving on to the next dilemma, I want to unsign a job offer, even though I work in a toxic workplace. Is something wrong with me? Hi Toya, I would like to start by saying thank you for your for starting your podcast. I have needed this type of support and advice. I love your work. I discovered it today while whilst at work. I looked at your Instagram and I'm surprised you only have a thousand followers. Anyway, that encouraged me to write because I thought there might be a chance. You respond. You're awesome and I appreciate the work you're doing as a young African woman. Before I continue, I just want to. I just want to give you my stats Now if you want to judge the popularity of this podcast based on the Toy Talks Instagram page. You haven't started.
Speaker 1:The Toy Talks podcast was established in 2019. It went live on the 1st of January 2020. I remember this because I was in Miami when I announced that I'd be doing a podcast, so the podcast is about four years old. I have over 200,000 downloads. I've published 163 podcast episodes. This podcast has opened several doors. I am regularly approached for collaborations and where a company doesn't send to black women, I refuse. I had a Toy Talks live in 2018 that was sold out in 48 hours. The only reason I haven't done another Toy Talks live is because we had the pandemic. One was scheduled and unfortunately couldn't go ahead because of lockdown.
Speaker 1:I'm very popular on TikTok. I've had, I think, four viral videos, and Instagram is a problematic to me because that algorithm stinks. Please do not judge the popularity of this podcast based on Instagram because you haven't started. We have changed many, many lives when it comes to the world of work. I have had several women emigrate to different parts of the world. I've had many women avoid employment tribunal because they've managed to strategically ascertain positive results through the advice that we've provided here on the podcast. I also want to say that I'm a six figure woman and that didn't come because of a thousand followers on Instagram. It came from Blood, sweat and Tears. On this podcast I share the blueprint because I understand that in sharing the blueprint we strategically educate ourselves on how to navigate the world of work. Toy Talks has become a business. I have masterclasses and I have thousands of people who have petrified those masterclasses and will testify of the success that they have managed to achieve through those masterclasses which often accompany the podcast. My highest downloaded and sought after masterclass has to be the CV masterclass, the interview masterclass and possibly the information masterclass. I give the blueprint on those masterclasses because I believe that I am a success story. So if you're surprised that I have a thousand followers on Instagram, please be more surprised at the success of this platform and what it has done over the last four years to change the lives of many black women who choose to tap into the knowledge and the guidance that we provide here.
Speaker 1:Let me continue with the dilemma. I'm 22 years old and an environmental scientist. I have 12 months experience in Australia. I work at an engineering consultancy. My problem I've accepted a job offer that I think I may want to retract my offer. How did I get myself into this situation? A lack of direction, desperation and distrust in myself. The red flags that made me want to leave my current company. So I'm just going to say that this dilemma is very, very, very long, so I'll read a couple of the red flags. I'm not going to read all of them. So she says I started as an undergrad in November 2022 and graduated on October 2022.
Speaker 1:December came around and my graduation documents came out, so I sent them in so I could be promoted to graduate. I discussed my intentions with my manager and she seemed on board. A few weeks later, I get a call from HR letting me know she was going to send me my contract for promotion in a few days. I received this call while I was in the office where another lady associate level overheard and asked about it. I told her what happened and she didn't seem happy for me. Two weeks went by and no contract. Plus, the HR lady was ignoring my calls. Please find a screenshot below with dates. I don't know this. Please can you listen to my podcasts, every single episode, all 163 of them Because one thing you're going to know for sure is over sharing didn't get anybody anywhere and I don't understand why you felt that you needed to explain.
Speaker 1:You said that she wasn't happy for you, but why? Why is she investing in being happy for you? Why? What is it about the expectation that she would be? Where is that? What is that based on? Anyway, I was told not to worry and I would receive back pay. I didn't. Whenever, it would eventually come fast food three months.
Speaker 1:Another same team discipline offers me a graduate role and I take it. I was the least paid graduate in our team. They were offered 76K and I was offered 71K. I have received two pay rises since, which were to align my pay with the industry regulations seems off to me. Now I'm on 76K, but had you actually negotiated, you would already be on that 76 and then the increments would have meant that you probably could have been on 80. So you need to also go ahead and download the negotiation masterclass on the toytalkscom website. My boss is apathetic and conniving. Please go and listen to your line manager. Is not the key to your success? Where I haven't been paid for my overtime Okay, this is really really really long.
Speaker 1:So she demonstrates the red flags and she then explains why she signed a contract. I was feeling unappreciated in my car and roll. I had low self-esteem. I thought I might regret not leaving this company, considering I have not fully met my yearly goals, and there's writing on the wall. I'm worried staying will eventually blow up in my face. I hope this is concise and easy to read. Thank you for reading it.
Speaker 1:If you've got this far, you do know signing a contract is not by force. I feel like we need to encourage ourselves to lean into our natural ability to discern. There's a podcast episode called discernment and you need to listen to that, because I think what you also need to consider is why you don't trust yourself to make the right decision. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. That's my attitude. If it feels wrong, it is wrong because I have a developed understanding of self and discernment and I have to trust myself to know what's good for me. So later on that day I receive another dilemma from the same lady that sent me this and she says please find the screenshot. And then I receive another dilemma two days later from the same lady and she said I hope this message finds you well. I'm reaching out to provide further clarity on the points I raised in my previous email. Upon reflection, I recognise that my emotions may have clouded the purpose of my communication. My apologies for the lengthy communications. This will be my last email regarding this issue.
Speaker 1:I admit struggling in my current role due to the heavy workload and lack of support from seniors. I kissed the way. The idea of a pay bump early in the year due to not meeting my objectives, as ridiculous as they may have it, doesn't change the outcome. The issues of inadequate guidance have led to repeated mistakes, fostering an environment where my concerns are often dismissed. Frankly, my seniors often don't know how to do the tasks they've given me and they are too busy to guide me. My manager has even admitted to me that I need more support. I'm prompted written in my two months probation meeting and nothing was actively done.
Speaker 1:I have the documentation. Can I ask you a question? Are you a collector? Because you have the documentation, what have you done with it? How are you using it to benefit you? I've added some few examples below if you'd like context. So this goes on and on, so I'm not going to read that because we have a short time here.
Speaker 1:So the question she's asking is do I leave this company now and take a chance on the new role, or on a new role so there's a new one and other company, or stay until I find the right role? How do I rescind my acceptance without burning bridges? Is it too late to renegotiate? Yes, it is. And then she's asking for the podcast. Can I just say something?
Speaker 1:Something that's really apparent to me is that you're very emotive, and I understand it's your career. Of course you're going to feel emotive, but when you're speaking to me and you're sending your dilemmas, it is erratically all over the place, and it demonstrates to me that you will knee jerk reaction. You don't actually take the time to give yourself the time to process things, because if you did, you wouldn't have signed that contract. I don't know. I feel like maybe it's a lack of knowledge whereby somebody gives you a contract and say ah, we'll give you a paper, you just sign, you're just so happy, you just sign, so everybody's ready to sign Listen even my phone contract. I cannot just sign it. I have to read it.
Speaker 1:If you believe that this role is not for you, you have to trust yourself in a new role. You need to listen to the podcast episodes, because I feel like you're very new to the podcast and, whilst you've listened to a few and really resonated with some of them, I think you need to sit down and take the time to go through some of these podcast episodes because I think once you've done that, you'll answer your own questions here. It's not for me to tell you what to do. It's for me to give you a holistic view or at least guide you insofar as I can with the limited information that you've given me. What is also very apparent is you are not strategically navigating your career. This is the reason why somebody else will get 76,000. You will get 71,000. They will give you a pay increment. So you align. But if you were really aligned and negotiated in the beginning, the increments you would be getting would be the baseline of 76,000 which you would have got, and then now you'll be on 80, 90,000.
Speaker 1:So I feel like that you need to take a step back. I think that you need to just breathe. I think you need to think how does my next move benefit my career? What are your personal objectives and goals in your career? What are they? Because if you understand what your personal objectives and goals are, it will guide your behaviours. So, if your personal objectives are, I want to be in so and so position, or I want to have a quite so and so experience, because there's this other company, which is a direct competitor, that I want to work with. So if you have these goals, you are then held accountable throughout the year to make those goals a reality. What I'm getting from you is your goals are all over the place, your objectives are all over the place and you need to just sit down and write what your goals are.
Speaker 1:You're now towards the end of the year and it's a great time to listen to a podcast episode where I speak about manifestation. I think it's called manifestation and I can't remember exactly the podcast title, but it starts with manifestation. I know that you need to go and listen to that episode because I think you need to do some career mapping and career planning and I think people overlook the importance of that. But I'm telling you right now because I had personal objectives in terms of what I wanted to achieve. So, for example, a few years ago I decided that I wanted to really understand procurement because a lot of my commercial contract management organisations that I worked for there was a procurement team and I was expected to do procurement activity and I hate procurement. So I said, okay, I need to understand procurement well enough so that I can better commercially contract manage. When I started working for an organisation, they had an opportunity to pay for my SIPs, so I did it. I got distinction. It was completed in a year.
Speaker 1:Can you see what I mean when I say when you set up, set your objectives, then it's easy then to do things that align with the end goal for yourself in terms of your career, because I saw it as it's a discussion point that I interviewed. So I interview. Now, when I go there, they ask me to tell them a little bit about myself. I start with my educational accomplishments, I start with key projects I've worked on and what is the most notable contract I've ever worked on. You see, when you have an objective of where you see your career, it's because there's something you want to achieve and you define what success looks like for you, but also as well, I think there is an element of control in terms of your career. When you have an objective, there's more control over the direction. It's less erratic, because what's happened now is you're signing things, you're accepting things. You're not actually giving yourself an opportunity to process what you are doing. You can't tap into your objectives or go and look at what your goals are, because you don't have any that you've written down anyway to hold you accountable for making more strategic decisions.
Speaker 1:So that's what I'm going to say to you you need to listen to the podcast. I think you need to get some of the master classes, because I think there's skills that you need to acquire and able to be able to navigate more successfully in your career. And you need to stop signing things without taking a breath, and I think that you need to spend this end of year period thinking about where you want to be over the next two to five years. Where do you want to be From a career-wise, financially, what does your career map look like? And it doesn't have to be rigid. It just needs to be a framework of what you want to achieve, and it can change throughout the year, but it will give you direction, because what I'm getting from you is emotion, upset, feeling underappreciated, over laboured, and when you start setting an objective for yourself as well, you're less likely to entertain shit, because then it will just distract you from your end goal. That is the advice I'm going to give you. Okay, moving on to the next dilemma, hi Toya, I hope you're doing well. I've been following your work since 2017 and I wanted to express my gratitude for your contributions. You are truly impressive and a refreshing presence, particularly in your support for black women. I'll keep my dilemma brief.
Speaker 1:Currently, I'm seeking to establish a side hustle as a virtual assistant alongside my full-time job Aiming to generate an additional source of income. However, I'm facing a challenge regarding the most effective way to market my business. My virtual assistant coach suggests that it would be best to market myself, unlinked in, using my full name rather than my business name. That's your career coach, no girl. On the other hand, I'm considering promoting my business on social media platforms, using my business name as the forefront, instead of reaching out directly to potential clients. I understand my career coach's intention of wanting clients to know they're dealing with a real person online and to establish a strong rapport. However, I worry about my employer stumbling upon my LinkedIn page. I prefer the details of my business private from my current job. Simultaneously, I do not want potential clients to discover that I'm already employed full-time. My primary objective is to manage my business effectively without unwanted attention from either party. I would appreciate your guidance on navigating the situation smoothly, allowing me to successfully operate my business while maintaining my day job. I simply aspire to pursue my entrepreneurial goals without unnecessary complications, given the current economic challenges. Thank you for your time and I look forward to your response. Camera girls and OG supporter.
Speaker 1:Sis, you're definitely somebody who's been listening to the podcast since 2017 and following my work, and you're on the right track. Let me tell you something, sis I have my businesses and they're not in my name, and whilst I understand what your career, your coach, is saying to you but you're on the right track, you need to set. There's a couple of things you know. You don't want any future business in your aspirations, to know that you have this business and that is true Because I'm telling you now, if they know you've got a full-time job the first question is are we a priority? That's the first thing. Secondly, you don't need to give people more information than they need, and I always say about oversharing I speak about on TikTok. People overshare so much and I don't know whether it's because they need acceptance, but you're using your business mind and I can see it here from what you're written. You're on the right track.
Speaker 1:Linkedin is problematic. I'm not on LinkedIn. I'm so sorry. Anyone who said you need LinkedIn as a full ship. I've never been on LinkedIn. I've got a dummy page in a name that don't even belong to me, just so that I can see what's going on there, and I find recruiters' details of certain projects that they're doing and I reach out to them separately off LinkedIn, so I don't even have a proper page. Linkedin is an adult Facebook for employment. That's what that is. Everyone knows where you've worked and I get it. For some industries and for some people it works, but for those people who want to navigate without oversharing and overexposing ourselves, linkedin is not great. Sis, I believe in your business because I've seen a few things on TikTok and I think that you have a great business idea and all you need to do is work on the business model. A virtual assistant coach is fantastic and I personally think you'll be very successful if you continue with the approach that you have here.
Speaker 1:You see your business very separate from what you do in your full-time job and that is what I do. My businesses are very separate from my contracting. It's very separate from Toyotalks. It's very separate from my master classes and it's important as well to have that break and that separation. So one of my businesses I've got a business phone. I see it very separate and what it does is it also creates in your mind. It allows you to see them as distinct businesses and you know, when you do something in your own name, it creates a lot of unwanted attention. Number one, but number two, it's difficult for you to often sometimes see it as a business separate from you if you put yourself in the forefront, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Building a rapport doesn't mean you have to put your face over something, and this is the problem I feel that people have. They feel like building a rapport. It depends on the type of rapport, but I feel like you can build a business without putting your face all over it. You know who's? A classic example of this is Patricia Bright. Patricia Bright shared on one of her YouTube channel videos that she created a hair business. I think it was a hair business and she didn't put her name on it. She just created the hair business. She was able to build rapport with her customers. They were returning customers, she was making money and she didn't put her name all over it and she wanted to test whether she could still be successful without putting her name on it. And she was.
Speaker 1:And that is a classic example of why sometimes you need to separate things, because, number one, it's about giving yourself the opportunity to be successful. That will put your name across something and, number two, you don't have to listen to the path to success If there's not like a follow ABC, like you can define what success looks like for you and then set your objectives in achieving that success, whilst your coach understand where your coach is coming from. I think you're on the right track, so hopefully that helps you out. I wish you all the best of luck with your side hustle and please, when you become rich, just remember me. Thank you Right, we have another dilemma and it's called contract management. I hope this message finds you well. I enjoy listening to your podcast. Thank you for the wholesome content you provide. You are a legend in your own right in the UK black community.
Speaker 1:I'm looking into changing my career and contract management is a field I'm considering. I've practiced as a property paralegal for over 10 years. Could you possibly offer guidance on where I would need to start as a newbie in terms of education and getting my foot in the door kind of part? It's a really good question. Actually, I feel like there's a difference between being a contract manager and a commercial contract manager. There's a difference and I would say that because you've got over 10 years experience in property, I think you should look at commercial contract management. It's the view that you would have the commercial experience in the commercial element and the contract management as well, and they usually work hand in hand. Understanding the commercial landscape in which your contract exists, I would say the first, your first point of call is if I had to do all over again, I would say that I understand I'm educational background speaks for itself and it opens a lot of doors. However, I feel like you could. I know somebody who has no educational background and just works her way up, but then she has tapped into her white privilege as well. So there is that element of things.
Speaker 1:I always say that to be a subject matter expert, you have to also have what's the word? You also have to I can't remember the words you have to legitimize what you're doing and that legitimacy comes from the educational background and experience. I would say look into the IACC. What is formerly known as the IACCM is the World Contracting Commerce, and I think you should look into those courses. I think that's the contract management, commercial contract management, and it is internationally recognized qualification. I think that that would be a good starting point and I think, within your property paralegal work, you deal with contracts and I think you need to pull out that experience. You need to pull out that experience in your CV. I would also say that you should, once you've started the IACCM, once you've redone your CV so it looks a bit more like you're bringing out your contract experience, I think maybe you should look at contract manager roles, even if it's a junior role to start with. I personally, for me, the only reason I say, go and start with a junior role is just so that you can make sure that that's what you want to do. And even with the course that I've told you about the internationally recognized course, I still think you need to look and make sure it's something you want to do.
Speaker 1:Commercial contract management is amazing, but you have to have a good eye and you have to have a passion for contract. You see, for me, I don't love my job, but I'm just good at it and I really enjoy contracts. I enjoy negotiating, I enjoy the commercial aspects of contracts. I also enjoy the stakeholder management, the vendor management and the different intricacies of contract management from a commercial perspective. The commercial experience will come through just on the job experience. Yeah, because when you're dealing with stakeholders, you're having to deal with the commercial reality of their wants and needs and understand how to contractualize it or at least how to use the contract to benefit the stakeholder of the organization you work for. So I feel like the commercial element will come from on the job experience, but it will also come from the course, the world contracting commerce, as well. You can earn a lot of money.
Speaker 1:I would say, if you are going to go into contracting, what I would say is get I can't even say get five years experience and go into contracting. What I will say is, once you've done the IACC formerly known as IACC and the World Contracting Commerce, to legitimize your experience and things like that and really make sure you want to do it. I think then you maybe get experience and then I think you should just go into contracting and then just get the on the job experience. That's what I would advise. I think that for me, I did my undergrad in law and I went to law school and I have my masters in law and I have a few things that I have done that I will share in time, and also I did my level four SIPs.
Speaker 1:But this is also because contract management, when I fell into it, wasn't really known. It was lumped in with procurement, whereas now commercial contract management stands on its own independently. When I started it wasn't really there and some organizations were dragging their feet because they knew they needed the contract management. They could have found it, so they lumped it into procurement. And then you I've got friends who specialize in procurement that hate it, and I've got friends who are in commercial contract management and love it, but we all hate procurement. So I think it's also making sure that it's something that you enjoy and want to do.
Speaker 1:So, as I said, the world contract in commerce, formerly known as IACCM look into that course. Pull out all the experience you have from a contract perspective in your current role as a paralegal, because you guys, especially property, deal with a lot of contracts. You need to revamp your CV. I would direct you to the CV masterclass as well, just to understand how to put your CV together. So it's more contract management focused. And I would also say spend time making sure it's what you want to do, because contract management has different fields. You could be a construction contract manager I've got a two-frozen and construction. That are shitloads of money boy. You know some people want to be in more in construction. That means that you might have to do a couple of courses in construction contract management as well, and I think in the world contract in commerce they have modules on that as well. And also, as well, I would say, make sure that this is a move that you pivot in without having to start again. And when I say pivot, it's because you have transferable skills and you can't just throw them away. You've got to draw upon the similarities between what you want to go into and the experience you've acquired without having to start again, because all that experience shouldn't have to go to waste. I think that you have, as a property paralegal, you have more than enough experience to be able to make the pivot. So just make sure contract management is what you want to get into. Okay, and lastly but not least, we have our final dilemma. It's called work cover. I hope, dear toy, I hope you're well and, winding down to the end of the year, please find my dilemma, and I will try my best to be brief as possible In my role at meetings on a near daily basis and circulate outcomes by close of business each day, except one meeting where I write a full set of minutes, given the very busy schedule.
Speaker 1:The outcomes consist of the committee's final stance and any action points, brief to the point, and the additional detail can be found in the team's presentation. Whilst an annual leave, a colleague covers my responsibilities and I have noticed that he does not stick to the structure I follow and adds a lot more detail to the outcomes. Part of me thinks that my colleague is trying to impress the committee by illustrating their comprehension of the meeting. They are quite technical. However, another part of me is of the belief that when providing cover, you should follow the normal process and, if you have any suggestions, share it with the roleholder upon their return. That's because you're playing fair. The world of work is not fair, my love. I've not received any feedback from management to edit the structure of the outcomes and minutes concerned. My covers different approach may raise questions to the structure. Overall, as I work in a regulated company, I think the structure and content of outcomes and minutes should remain to a particular structure.
Speaker 1:Also, to add the individual is to make a long story short, a snake. They have recorded team meetings where colleagues have discussed a quite senior manager in a non-positive way of stolen ideas etc. Which is why I'm quite weary of this person. I may perhaps be viewing this with more skepticism than needed. My question to you, my question is to you what is your view? Is it right that this has raised some flags in my head or am I being over the top? Number two my planned action mentioned to the individual that I've noticed a difference in structure and, as we have a meeting coming up to discuss the process of the meetings with our management next Tuesday, I suggest it in. It is a discussion meeting point.
Speaker 1:How would you respond to this, if any response is required? First of all, you need to be strategic. If it tracks like a duck and it walks like a duck, it's a duck. If it swims like a fish, blows like a fish, it's a fish, honey. If it acts like a snake his is like a snake, it's a snake.
Speaker 1:Okay, girl, now let me tell you what this guy is doing. He's seeking to undermine you by doing the most. It's really that simple. Now for me personally, I haven't got time to tell you to stick to the script, because clearly you're not sticking to the script. The script is there. You're not sticking to it. I can't not come to you to stick to the script. You know how I would deal with this my senior boss and this person. That's when I'll write them an email. This is the structure, this is the developed structure, and I would appreciate if you stick to the structure. If you've got any suggestions on improvement, I'm open to it, but, however, this should be approved before you actually do it, because you're pulling rank.
Speaker 1:I also want you to know that he's trying to show you up, because what he's trying to do is get other people, who he's presenting to you know, to think that he's better than you and he's gonna do you out of a job. I'm sorry, anyone who seeks to undermine you in that way is not trying to paint you in a good light, babes, you have to be strategic. How you manage this, this one that he records people and everything. This is not a snake, honey, this is a whole python. Okay, honey, he's not even hissing, he's just wrapping his legs around yours. Squeeze the oxygen out. Sorry, I need to stop watching all these programs with snakes and animals and animal kingdom. But do you get what I'm trying to say?
Speaker 1:So, first and foremost, I don't think he'll be in over the top. I think they are red flags. But I think, in order to nick this in the bud, you have to call it out and you need to do it in a way that they someone's senior, because if you do it just you and him, it's not gonna go down well, because then he'll know you know. Whereas if you do it for a manager, you're calling out your pulling rank and you're also demonstrating what your concerns are. And you have to be very methodical about what these concerns are that there is not a uniformed approach to how you're doing things and that you feel is that your approach works best. If he's got any suggestions, they should be suggested in a forum between the both of you and you agree a way forward, but as it stands at the moment, there's different, differing approaches and it will confuse the audience. That's how you have to make it sound Like you're doing this in the best interest of your receiving audience, and if you're not working together, it's showing that there's no harmony. You know you have to listen. You see, all your body will have to talk like them. This is how you do it. Hopefully that helps. Let me know how you get on.
Speaker 1:So in our last dilemma episode and the name of that dilemma episode hang on, I'm going to call it up Because you guys think I remember every episode, every episode title name. So there was a episode called dilemma episode. My manager wants me to cancel my one week course to attend a team meeting. There was a dilemma there where a young lady shared with us that she had a colleague that she was getting on very well with and then she put something in her diary and she didn't appreciate the what she wrote. Anyway, she's giving us an update and it's cause she just liked me all along confrontation. Hi Toya, I hope you are well.
Speaker 1:Plot twist Katrina has landed a new role and resigned. So imagine she was causing all that wahala and attempted to ruin my reputation, whilst knowing that she was planning to leave anyway. It is well. Thank you for reading and considering my dilemma, that you also, and thank you also for sharing it on the podcast. I hope it's been helpful to you and to your other listeners. Wish you all the best. I need you to understand. You know. I'm really happy Number one, that this lady was leaving anyway, sis, because she was the spawn of Satan.
Speaker 1:But what I am also going to say is you don't know what. What people are planning to do in roles to discredit you and then leave. Some people need the drama. Some people are walking reality show and they need the drama to create some excitement and buzz in their role. But also there are people who are just badmine and the way they navigate is to show you up or to do you out of a job. Your role as part of your job, in any employment, is to be strategic, especially as a black woman.
Speaker 1:I think when we read these dilemmas and I'm sharing them it's so that we can learn some stuff and also it reminds us that we're not the only one it is really, really important that we also take a step back. I've always said this and I'm going to reiterate it Never, ever, write email when you are emotional, because it's emotional damage. It will emotion will wreck the way you are able to operate strategically because you're in the throes of that emotion. Never sign a contract when you're emotional. Let me give you an example of something. When you pass your driving test here in the UK, you're not allowed to drive back. If you do not pass your driving test here in the UK, you're not allowed to drive back home from the test centre. That's because there's so much emotion and adrenaline, whether you've passed, which is positive, or whether you haven't passed, which is negative. And that is how you have to see the world of work.
Speaker 1:When you are emotional, whether it is positive emotion or negative emotion, you cannot operate and make. You cannot make important decisions in the throes of emotion. Important decisions need to be made logically, including signing a contract. Maybe you've been looking for a job for a really long time and you've gone through an interview process and offered you a job and you get the contract. You don't sign it straight away. Take the day, read the contract. Take the day I've worked in places before. They offered me a contract and they said oh, we're sending you a contract. You haven't signed it these times. They sent the contract, maybe at midday. I said, yeah, I'm still reviewing it, can you give me 48 hours? And they just go quiet because they have this attitude that I should be so grateful they've even sent it to me. Let me be grateful and read the contents of what you sent me. Thank you, I owe myself that much. Do you know? I know this lazy year.
Speaker 1:She's always having issues at work, partly because I don't think she understood that she needed to be strategic, and then she learned it the hard way and then she'd been unemployed for so long. She found a role and she knows what I do. She talks to me often and she just said to me Toya, I've got a contract, I signed it. I didn't even read it and I couldn't even believe she was saying this to me. I felt so disrespected. I was like I've invested so much time in talking to you and educating you. You still did that. Now the company are going through a restructure and possibly no, the team are going through a restructure, but the company is apparently being sold, so you don't even know if she's going to have a job. Now she's coming to me to ask me what my advice is. I says no, that contract you signed. Go and read it For once. Go and read it.
Speaker 1:If you do not take your employment seriously, why should I? That's what it's her. I don't have time for that. I have time for people who are going to be strategic enough in their career that, before they act, they actually think about it. That's what I've got time for, because if you take your career seriously, I've got to take it seriously as well. Anyway, I hope those dilemmas have helped. I hope you've learned something.
Speaker 1:I've learned quite a few things from those dilemmas and, more importantly, I hope that we understand the importance of trusting ourselves and trust our instinct. If it doesn't feel right, take a step back. It probably isn't right. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. Where's the issue? What's going on here? Sniff it out and, more importantly, you deserve. You deserve Like.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, there's no such thing as a perfect job and imperfect employment. But what is very clear to us, as Black women, is that we need to be strategic to navigate if we're going to attain any type of success and light up the path of that success. And the workplace isn't easy. It's often quite difficult, laced in micro and macroaggressions, but the Toy Talks podcast is a safe space for us to share, grow and learn. I have over 100 episodes over 100. And there are lessons there, dilemmas, my own personal experiences. Please, you do yourself a disservice if you don't actually give yourself a chance to listen to them. And then you've got master classes that accompany some of those podcasts. Please take the time to invest in your career and to safeguard yourself from certain situations that could come up. Anyway, I'm going to leave it there. Thank you so much for listening to the podcast.
Speaker 1:This is the last element episode of 2023. We're going to do like an end of year podcast wrap up. I'll probably record that in the next week or so. I have some pre-recorded episodes that I need to upload as well, so that will be coming shortly. We are galloping towards the end of the year. It's an opportunity to take stock of the year, to plan some objectives for 2024, but, more importantly, to rest. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1:If you want to follow me on social media, I have my personal Instagram page, which is Toya underscore Washington. I'm also on TikTok, toya Washington. I'm also on the Instagram for the Toya Talks podcast, which is Toya underscore talks. If you have a work related or laugh related dilemma, please email hello at toyatalkscom. Put the subject line as dilemma and you can also put whatever you think is more pertinent to the dilemma. Keep it brief, straight to the point if possible, and it will be anonymous, so nothing personal will be shared your name, nothing. It will be anonymous.
Speaker 1:Anonymous dilemma Also as well. I am on Snapchat, but I haven't been on Snapchat for ages, but I need to start posting more on there because it is the original birthplace of the Toya Talks podcast. My handle is Toya Washington and, of course, if you want to purchase or have a look at the website, we have toyatalkscom and that's where the masterclasses are as well. Please, if you're new to the podcast family, make sure you go and acquaint yourself with some of the earlier episodes, look in the show notes and it will have like an overview of the topics and themes that are covered. Thank you so much for listening, thanks for your patience, thanks for your love, thanks for your support, thanks for your group chats. My name is Toya Washington and you have been listening to the Toya Talks podcast.