Toya Talks
PEACE. The most underrated most valuable requirement in the workplace.
Bouncing back from a job rejection can feel like an enormous task, especially when you're juggling the complexities of life's many roles. As a full-time mom nursing swollen glands, conjunctivitis and the many hats of motherhood, I've been there, and in this episode, I share my experience to encourage you to channel rejections into stepping stones. We'll navigate the treacherous waters of job hunting and relationships with recruiters, armed with personal stories and your shared dilemmas, to ensure you emerge not just unscathed, but triumphant and more resilient than ever.
Ever felt like a cog in the workplace machine , undervalued and overlooked? Let's unravel that thread together, as we examine the critical importance of recognising our worth within the professional sphere. From learning to stand our ground against systemic challenges to understanding when to make our graceful exits, this episode serves as a guide to mastering the balance between strategy and self-empowerment. Join me as we bid farewell to settling for less and celebrate the victories of those who've taken the learnings and teachable lesson shared on Toya Talks to new heights.
As we wrap up, our conversation turns to the quest for peace within the workplace. I'll share a personal encounter that tested my resolve and strategies for maintaining harmony amidst discord. This is more than just a podcast episode; it's a mentorship session designed to fortify your career path and ensure your professional journey is not only successful but also true to your personal quest for peace and empowerment.
*This episode includes x4 dilemmas
Sponsorships - Email me: hello@toyatalks.com
TikTok: toya_washington
Twitter: @toya_w (#ToyaTalksPodcast)
Snapchat: @toyawashington
Instagram: @toya_washington & @toya_talks
www.toyatalks.com
https://toyatalks.com/
Bouncing back from a job rejection can feel like an enormous task, especially when you're juggling the complexities of life's many roles. As a full-time mom nursing swollen glands, conjunctivitis and the many hats of motherhood, I've been there, and in this episode, I share my experience to encourage you to channel rejections into stepping stones. We'll navigate the treacherous waters of job hunting and relationships with recruiters, armed with personal stories and your shared dilemmas, to ensure you emerge not just unscathed, but triumphant and more resilient than ever.
Ever felt like a cog in the workplace machine , undervalued and overlooked? Let's unravel that thread together, as we examine the critical importance of recognising our worth within the professional sphere. From learning to stand our ground against systemic challenges to understanding when to make our graceful exits, this episode serves as a guide to mastering the balance between strategy and self-empowerment. Join me as we bid farewell to settling for less and celebrate the victories of those who've taken the learnings and teachable lesson shared on Toya Talks to new heights.
As we wrap up, our conversation turns to the quest for peace within the workplace. I'll share a personal encounter that tested my resolve and strategies for maintaining harmony amidst discord. This is more than just a podcast episode; it's a mentorship session designed to fortify your career path and ensure your professional journey is not only successful but also true to your personal quest for peace and empowerment.
*This episode includes x4 dilemmas
Sponsorships - Email me: hello@toyatalks.com
TikTok: toya_washington
Twitter: @toya_w (#ToyaTalksPodcast)
Snapchat: @toyawashington
Instagram: @toya_washington & @toya_talks
www.toyatalks.com
https://toyatalks.com/
Trauma teaches you to expect and accept the bare minimum. In this new season, may you adjust your standards and learn to receive the maximum. You are worthy. You are enough. You deserve overflow. By Dr Thema Bryant.
Speaker 1:Hello everyone, this is Toya Washington and not Tony Braxton. This is not ASMR. I'm not deliberately putting on this husky voice. My throat is killing me. I'm in a lot of pain. I've got really bad swollen glands and I have conjunctivitis. My throat is. I can't even begin to express to you how painful my glands are every time I speak. Over the last couple of days I've had to do a lot of talking. Yeah, it's a lot.
Speaker 1:My daughter regularly brings back every 10 to 14 business days, whatever virus is virus-ing in the nursery and it's just attacking my immune system, which I used to think, used to be really good. But and I'm on my menstrual cycle, so you can imagine in combination I just feel like hell. Now you may hear my daughter in the background, and that's because life has changed. So it's not just my iPad, my laptop and my mic and my phone that follows me, it's also the baby monitor, because I'm a mum and I'm a full-time mum, which means that I didn't ever switch off, can't switch off. My baby is always around and I'm always around my baby, albeit virtually.
Speaker 1:I really thought I wouldn't do an episode this week because I'm in a lot of pain, but I don't know what I'm gonna be getting better because I've been unwell for the last two weeks. So, anyway, I've scoped out this episode, I'm gonna deliver it and I'm just gonna ask you to be really patient with me. I've changed the settings so that I'm louder, but, yeah, I'm just in a lot of pain. It's horrible. First and foremost, I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has emailed the toy talks mailbox emulation to your dilemmas. I have four dilemmas in which I'm gonna cover in this episode. I actually don't know what this episode is gonna be about. I don't even know the title of this episode. I just know that I scoped out this episode. I'm gonna deliver it by Kruge or Kremi, despite battling through a very serious throat infection, swollen glands. Where do I start this episode? Where do I start? Where do I start? Let's start now.
Speaker 1:Not every job rejection is about your lack of competency to do the job. You see, when we don't get a job, there's an internalised feeling of rejection. It is a rejection. Somebody does not want to hire you. That's on its plain, simple form. And I remember, especially in my 20s, when I was getting quite a lot of job rejections.
Speaker 1:Or you know, you're part of a job in a job and you think, right, the job description matches everything in my CV. There's synergy there. I could do this job and you get rejected. Or take it a further, you get shortlisted, you go for interview, maybe first, second stage, and you pass it. And you know there's synergy, they're giving you hopes and you don't get the job. Then you start walking yourself back. What did I do wrong? Could I have delivered a better interview? Oh, it's because I did mention this, or I didn't do this. Or you do realise there's a key piece or a key consideration that sometimes we forget.
Speaker 1:Sometimes not getting a job sometimes has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with the panel. You're probably thinking what do I mean by that? A few months ago, when I started applying for roles, I knew that I had to start applying in advance of when I aimed to come back to work, so end of January. So there was a particular agency that contacted me and I've had to buck this recruiter before, because I don't know. If you was on my Instagram one time, you would have heard me say that there was a particular recruiter who'd spoken quite extensively and he was insisting on me going having a team school with him and I said I'm not doing any of that rubbish, that's just. You just want to see what I looked like. I haven't got time for that, absolutely not, because if that was important, then you should have had this conversation over teams, but you opted to have this conversation via phone. So what follow-up is there to have, unless you've got a job for me? Some of you may think oh my god, I've got a podcast episode about managing recruiters, because if you don't manage them, then walk all over here.
Speaker 1:I see recruiters as they're mutually beneficial to each other. But you also work for me, because it's only when I get the job that you get your commission. So either we're gonna work collaboratively or we're not gonna work at all. That's my approach with recruiters, because I've been mistreated by recruiters before, I've been sold dreams and hopes and they've been dashed. So now I've just, you know, refocused how I have my relations with my crew. I've got my key recruiters who I've known for years. I've got some who I speak to just to get a glimpse of what the market's like, and I've got a couple of you know they're good to know because they do get roles now and again and he's a now and again. So he had called me up for a particular role and this is to where I think you'll get this role because I think you're more than qualified to do it.
Speaker 1:It's a contractor position. So in the interview I mean the job description and everything. It's what I do is to deliver a contract. Basically, they had previously had a contract manager. That person had left and they hadn't replaced that person. So you already know that there's fires to be put out, which is fine. As a contractor, often we're recruited to fight fires.
Speaker 1:So I went to this interview and it was a one-stage interview. So there was two people. There was one man, one woman and I have the interview most across. There's nothing on there that I've shared, that I don't live and breathe because I've given you the blueprint. My success rate, interview from interview to offer, is 95%.
Speaker 1:So, as we're having this interview now, the lady asked me to tell her a little bit about myself. It's always very awkward question, isn't it? Because it's like you've got my CV, what can I really say without kind of repeating myself and also not coming across, as you know, overconfident or not coming across as not confident enough, like where you know, my thing is, when someone says, tell me about yourself, I always start with my name. My name is Toya, because I pronounce my name how it's supposed to be said, not Toya, not Toy, not Taz, not. My name is Toya and in it's a way also to take back control. Yeah, my name is Toya. Yes, because there is a, there is an importance of introducing who you are to yourself. I have to let you know that I know who I am, so I always start with my name.
Speaker 1:And then I said I've, you know, I've been a contractor for over seven years, but I mean, I've been in commercial contract management now for over 10. I've worked in both the public, private and third sector, as well as the charity sector, and I've spent most of my career on transformation projects. I've done crisis management and I've worked on multi-million power contracts. And then I said my most successful contract to date was XYZ, and this is the reason why these were the key deliverables and this is the role I played, I'd say the most transformative in terms of how it's transformed my ability to be an effective contract manager was when I was working at XYZ, and I'm currently working at XYZ doing XYZ. That's how I introduced myself Brief key highlights.
Speaker 1:And then I said I've got a law degree, I went to law school and I have a master's in law. And then I then mentioned the other, my other academic achievements and why I had pursued, past my master's, some of my academic achievements. That's it. So, as we're doing the interview, the man says you know, I've seen your CV. It's really great. This is what we're doing, this is what we're looking for XYZ. The lady says oh.
Speaker 1:So when it was her time to speak, she goes oh, you said you've done your master's. She said I've always wanted to do my master's but I've never had the time. And then I said to her I said you know, completely understand, the master's is all time consuming, but I also believe it's really important that we get. We are on a continuous trajectory and journey of learning. However we learn will be a master's, will be an access course, whatever it is. I believe that education is so important and people underestimate the education we get on the job. That's equally as important and then she said yeah, but you know, I should try and make time to do my master's. It was. It was very weird of her, like the way it was almost like she was uncomfortable that I had done my master's or the fact that I've done it and she hasn't. It's something that she wanted to point out. It's an insecurity. Now the interview lasted probably about 30 minutes.
Speaker 1:I got a call back from the recruiter. He asked me how it went and I said I'm gonna be honest with you about something. I said I could do that job with my eyes closed, but there's a particular lady on the panel and I don't think she can work with me. He goes oh, you don't think you can work with her. I said no, no, and he said I can't work with her. I said she can't work with me. He said why'd you say that? I said because she's very insecure. So she may feel like I'm coming to get her job or show her up, or show her up in terms of gaps that she may have in her job. She's insecure and when you're dealing with someone that's insecure, you're setting yourself up for a problem, because either she's gonna nit pick everything you do or she's going to have to try to wield some power so that she can feel that she's better than you, or she can feel that void in her that feels that makes her feel like you're attacking her self-esteem. Anyway, quiet. He goes. Oh, okay, well, I'll come back to you if I get any feedback. I says no problem.
Speaker 1:Two days later I get a call from the recruiter and he says to me oh, they've decided to go with another candidate and they said all that was in it is availability that person's available immediately and you said that you'll be available in two weeks. I says to him you do realize that that don't make no sense. He goes would you be an ussess? By the time you onboard somebody and they start, it take about two and a half to three weeks, four weeks max. So that doesn't make sense. Uses the reason I wasn't picked is because of that lady. He goes. Oh, I don't think so that he goes. I spoke so highly of you. This is the outburst ussess. So it wasn't about who could do the job, it was about availability. That doesn't make sense. But I let it go because I'm very self-assured in myself and also every interview. It's about what you learn so that you can be better at the next one.
Speaker 1:Even if they offered me the job, I wouldn't have taken it because that type of wahala is not what I was prepared to accept, especially if it's the first like contractor role post maternity. You need a bit of peace because you're trying to find your feet post maternity leave. You're trying to build new routines. I'm very much a new mom. I'm learning my child, my child's going into nursery and I've been told and I can testify to the fact, the first year of a child's life is a lot of acclimatizing and learning and growing. I'm ill. I've been ill for two weeks. When have I been ill for two weeks before I had my daughter? So you need somewhere that's a peaceful environment to work in and somebody like that would not give me peace. So if that offered me the role, I wouldn't have accepted. So I wasn't really too bothered. I took the learnings, dusted my shoulders off.
Speaker 1:I say this to say I think a lot of us spend a lot of time punishing ourselves, especially as black women. I feel like we have a higher bar in which we measure ourselves and sometimes that bar is not healthy. Sometimes we see rejection as something that is personal. When you don't get a job, I don't necessarily consider it a rejection. It's just not my portion. It's just not my time. That's how I look at it. This is not my time. There's something that ancestors are keeping me from here. That's why I haven't got this role. And when you, when you've been unemployed for a long time, or when you think this is your dream job, you think the worst. You're not thinking about whether this is your time or what it's for you will never pass you. It's like why, why, why? Why am I not good enough? And there lies the self-doubt, there lies the ability for us to put ourselves down and start kicking at our self-esteem.
Speaker 1:Two weeks ago, I got a call from the recruiter. So yeah, I remember. Someone said place that you interviewed for. I said, oh, yeah, well, the person they've hired decided to leave. I said why oh? They got an offer, offer. I said come on, come on like stop, stop. What's the reason? Because all the person just decided to part ways. They've asked me to check in with you to see if you're available and all you'd have to do is like an informal chat, no interview, and basically you could start, you know, within a few weeks. I said so the same few weeks that they couldn't accept, they can accept it now.
Speaker 1:He went quiet. I said let me be really clear, daniel. Yeah, his name's Daniel. Let me be really clear, daniel, I'm always the first choice. I'm not number two, I'm not the second and I'm not the backup plan. I'm always the first choice.
Speaker 1:Now, this is a bit of ego, hundred percent, but this is also. I told you so. I said I wasn't good enough a few months ago. I'm good enough now because the person that they hired doesn't want the job anymore. The person that doesn't want the job anymore has to do with that lady. Now they've thought about it and now they. Now they want best in class. So it's not about personal feeling. Now they realize actually there's a job to be done. So then, who you're gonna call? Not ghostbusters, it's Toya Basta. No, I said I'm not interested. And he said oh, have you got another? I says that's never him, or there. I said I'm not interested in this job. I says I'm not here to be used and I'm not here to be treated as though I'm not good enough because somebody hasn't gone and achieved their masters when I suffered for mine, you guys, toya, I respect it. Do you know? Till today they I saw you know in and amongst my friends who are contractors that they posted the job and they're still looking for somebody. No, if I had taken that job, to my mind I would say I'm the problem, it's me. It's me. Sometimes.
Speaker 1:When you don't get a job, it's not always to do with anything technical or competence. It has to do with. Sometimes panel members or somebody who's doing interviews have low self-esteem and, rather than hire somebody who makes them look good, they'll say no because you are highlighting an insecurity in them. I'm gonna be really honest about something White privilege is problematic to those who use it as a passport to success, because take white privilege and not everybody but there's some people that use that white privilege and there's nothing to back it up. There's nothing, whereas I feel as though I'm not saying that every person uses white privilege or every white person uses white privilege. I'm in a white-dominated industry and at least 60% of the people I work with who are white use privilege.
Speaker 1:You don't have time to do your masters or further education for that matter. That's your problem. That is actually your problem. You don't want to further about yourself, for whatever reason. That doesn't concern me. But what you're not gonna make me do is become an apologist of wanting to achieve certain things in order for me to get to certain places.
Speaker 1:Can you understand why I made the decision to contract? Because I understood in my industry where I was working at the time, had I stayed there I wouldn't grow. There was nowhere to promote me to. Now they had me training people who had less experience and less educational experience than me to be earning more than me. But they want me to train them. No, that was the straw that broke the camel's back of that perm roll, my last perm roll. Several years ago.
Speaker 1:I used opportunity through contracting to work in different organizations, different industries, to grow up the career ladder, not allowing anyone to feel entitled to have a hand in my progress. If I'm truly the architect of my career and at least I would say the very least is the architect of how I'm navigating my career I am that person Then I have to be in charge about how I choose to grow, be it education, working in an organization for a really long time. Now I'm not saying that you can't grow in one organization as a perm, but during the time when I was a perm, I felt as though it was hard to grow, and especially when you have an organization that has flat structures, they're really dangerous because there's nowhere to grow to unless they create a role for you. In order for them to create a role for you, they have to also be invested in what you're able to bring. You spend a lot of time trying to prove that you're worth the investment and you can go somewhere else. Another organization that willing to promote you into a role or recruit you into a role with a clear trajectory, or at least you can see other people in senior roles. You at least know there's a possibility.
Speaker 1:Right Now, having gone the route of contracting, to get to where I am, I've got this chicken filet in front of me, coming to tell me she doesn't have time to do masters. So what is my problem? What is my aim? These are the same people you ask yourself how did you get into that senior role? It's nepotism and white privilege, whereas me, I have to study and work hard to get to where I am and I'm not saying that I don't work hard, I'm just saying that for me personally. I know what I've had to sacrifice.
Speaker 1:Now, because I've sacrificed, you're angry, so you wanted to teach me a lesson, right, you went and hired someone else who's available. Now you're willing to wait for me because that person has gone and it's me that's waiting to be number two? No, even if I didn't have another contract, I would never take that role. That's the truth. And let me tell you that role. They're paying £100 more than where I am now and I'm still not. I'm not interested. I'm never number two. If you can't pick me the first time, then forget it. That's my attitude. So you may say, oh, inflated ego. No, no, no, I know my worth and sometimes your worth is more in currency. It's also how people perceive you. How people perceive you.
Speaker 1:The interview stage is so important. It's a window to what is going on, where you possibly will end up in an organisation, as I said with the interview masterclass. If you do not ask pertinent questions, if you don't observe, shine your eyes. People hire you and usually like fried rice, just whip it and you feel, feel, feel, feel, feel, feel. You know how you make fried rice. You whip it, whip it, whip it. You know, whip you, whip you like a goose's soup.
Speaker 1:No, I'm here to remind you that if you don't get a role and you're wrecking your brain sometimes it's just personal to them. It's personal to them. Some people don't deserve to be managers, but they don't understand that they are real good managers hiring somebody who knows more than you, that makes you look good and that respect you enough to allow you to manage them Simple. And that management we're talking about is just to improve my annual leave. Do the team building and let me do my job Simple. Try to have my back with senior stakeholders and management. Let me do my job. Some managers don't know how to manage, and when I see that you can't manage, it's impossible that I'll work for you, because I can't be, on one hand, taking neurofen because I'm having swollen glands and then now be taking ibuprofen for your headache. It's not, it's impossible. I cannot. That being said, it's also important to know when you are being used in an organization. You know there's a healthy way of using neurofen. You know you scratch my back, I scratch yours. Equal balance transaction, uncle, I like that.
Speaker 1:A few months ago this is like August I had a call from a community manager. I had a call from a community manager A few months ago. This is like August I had a call from a consultancy, this consultancy. I have a relationship with them because about a year ago they interviewed me for a particular role and it was the director of the consultancy that interviewed me through an agency right, that's how I got the intro. So there was a particular role and after having the interview and going through my CV, I said to them unfortunately I'm not interested in the procurement side, I'm purely commercial contract. So we decided that that particular role wasn't right for me and that was with the director of the consultancy. So the agency took a step back and allowed me to have that relationship, because even if we agreed to move forward, we'll still have to sign the contract with the agency right, in this particular agency I've known the senior recruiter there for several years, so he trusts me. He knows at least you know that I'm honest. So now and again the director will check in on me. Hi, toya, how are you doing? What are you up to? I always send my update CV because that's the relationship at the end of the day and I'm building that relationship.
Speaker 1:So August, she writes to me. She says Toya, we're bidding for a piece of work and we need a commercial contract manager to be able to do X, y, z, because there's a lot of risk associated with this contract. And we're going to have a project manager, we're going to have PMO, we're going to have what do you call it, we're going to have a finance person and I need a commercial contract manager and the only person that I know that is able to deliver it the way I need it delivered is you. And she told me the reason. So I said OK. So she said oh, I'm going to send you the bid pack. Can you read the element about commercial contract management and let me know how it reads? I said, no problem, after all, I was on maternity leave, right. So I read it and went back to her. I said oh, add this, take this out, reword this, no problem.
Speaker 1:Two days later, she sent me another message. She said oh, toya, would you mind reading the entire bid pack and let me know your thoughts? But I'm in mind I'm not getting paid for this, huh. So I said to her unfortunately I can't read the entire bid pack, I'm really busy at the moment, but the commercial contract element of it is very good. You have to know when somebody is trying to use you. So then, maybe two, three weeks later, she. She sent an email and she said oh, just to confirm we've bidded for the piece of work. That's fantastic.
Speaker 1:So then, as part of the procurement for that piece of work, so you have to imagine an organisation has put out a piece of work and they're procuring services. Now this consultancy is trying to bid for that work and then are going to bring in their own consultancy To deliver it. Now, however she makes up her team is up to her, but the skills that she needs is not within her consultancy. That's why she's coming to me. Yeah, so then they, as a response to the bid, the client, the end client, asked some qualifying questions. So she came back and she said oh, to you, there's some qualifying questions here. This is the one on contract management. Can you answer it? I ignored her. You're basically asking me to consult for you so you can win this piece of work and as part of that, then you're going to contract with me for my services.
Speaker 1:But the consultancy element you think you're going to get that for free? You can't use me like that, because if you don't get this piece of work, I've given you my time for free and I've got nothing back. And whilst there is a learning element to this. There needs to be a financial element, because if you know the value of my services, then you put money on it. Nothing in this life is free. This, uh, swollen glands. I have to buy LEMPSIP. That costs money, you know. Ah, even the laptop I'm using to reply to you electricity and call who pays for that. No, you can't get me for free, because if you get me for free you think I'm cheap. Then, when it comes to contracting my services, you would try to give me cheap rates. Impossible, impossible, it's not going to happen.
Speaker 1:I ignored her. Then, maybe a week later, I said oh, I found this in my job. I'm so sorry. I can see the date has passed. When you had to respond, I hope you responded. She said oh, toy, we respond. I'm so sorry. Yes, sometimes things end up in the junk. Ah, you want to play games Sonic the Hedgehog, super Mario, tamagotchi. You want to play a game? I will play a game Monopoly, checkmate. So how you want to do? Um, september came, end of September. Did I hear anything? Then something happened with the bids, where they changed their requirements. Then the consultant had to go back out. She was just giving a long story, every time giving an update. Long story short, this consultancy didn't win that piece of work. And she came and she told me in the email I said, oh, that's very unfortunate. However, every opportunity is a learning opportunity and at least you've gone through that process with this particular organization. You now know how to respond to that being exited.
Speaker 1:I've maintained my relationship with her, but she now knows when you're coming to me now and you want me to pay attention to you, you've got to pay. I allowed her to know I've got other clients. I said to her please find my CV attached with um, please find my updated CV attached. There was consultancy stuff that she saw on there. She said toy, this is fantastic. Oh, wow, I didn't know. You did all of the, because there's more of that's been updated on my CV since when she last saw it, because the one that she put in the bid pack she didn't know I was doing consultancy on the side and I didn't want her to know. It's now she know. Come to me, correct. She wanted to use me for free and who's to say that she would even have me? I don't have any contract with her. This, this one, is scratch, scratch. I should scratch her back and keep on scratching until my nails bleed or my fingers bleed, good for it.
Speaker 1:You have to know when you're being used in the world of work and you have to know how to be the user, to understand it's transactional. If I'm always, for example, working late, if I'm always saving your bacon, but when I'm asking for any relief, you're telling me you have to check with the rest of the team. Or when it's time to go through whether I've achieved my objectives and therefore get my annual bonus, you're telling me, oh, this particular objective, you're not too sure. These times my burn folder is overflowing, my feedback folder is overflowing, and that's where you have to have the strategy. Your feedback folder has to be well packaged, but also you have to box clever with strategy and you can't just be using me, using me, using me. Then, when I ask you for learning and development, you're telling me there's no budget. There's no budget, but there's budgets in your head. To use me, no, can't happen.
Speaker 1:I think sometimes a lot of us are dissatisfied at work because there's an imbalance. And there's an imbalance because we continue to see ourselves as subservient. And because we see ourselves as subservient when the imbalance occurs, we feel hard done by. But the reality is, if you do not put value on your skills, your experience and what you have as your assets, you can't expect somebody else to know that value. You see, I value time. I don't have a lot of it. I value the fact that I've had to make a lot of sacrifices to get where I am Time, money, sometimes health and I've worked really, really hard. I've never been handed anything. I'm not a beneficiary of nepotism and I'm not the type of person who has ever felt as though people just willingly opened doors.
Speaker 1:So if I know all of that and I've taken and absolved the risks associated with being a contractor, then why would I give you my time for free when other people are willing to pay? Why would I give you my time for free when you know I'm valuable but you're not willing to pay? You want me to consult you and do the work to win a bid for work that you may or may not give to me, and you expect it for free. If that is not entitlement, I don't know what it is. But do I want to burn that bridge? No, not really. But I want to teach you a lesson. I will pay attention to you when you are going to pay for what you believe is valuable enough to keep emailing me.
Speaker 1:The first one is to review something I didn't mind. Why would I mind? Because I was on maternity and I found it interesting to kind of see it from the other side of bidding for work. So now I can save that document and use it as template. Yeah, see, you have to use your head, but short of that, no, and that. You see, that now holds value for me because I've gained information. I've gained that knowledge. That's the value. Anything after that is a free lunch. No, no, when I have a chance to feed. I got bills to pay. I want to buy a lure pack butter. I like it. They have it under lock and key because of cost of living. That one costs money and she didn't even win the bid, so I would have given my time and worked for nothing.
Speaker 1:In your workplaces it has to be transactional and that's irrespective of whether you're a perma or a contractor. At the end of the day, I spend most of my career as a perma and I can tell you so many examples of where I allowed people to undervalue me to the point where I was so undervalued I was training junior members of staff who were earning more than me and I say is the straw that broke the camel's back? But I'm the one that give licence to the camel. Let's be real, since I knew my value, if I knew my value number one, if it was a flat structure, there's nowhere for me to be promoted to and nobody wants to create a role for me. I have to start looking for opportunities outside.
Speaker 1:There has to come a point where you realise that you're waiting around for something that's not going to happen. Time is money. You don't have the luxury of time. You don't Because whilst you're waiting, somebody else is being promoted somewhere else in another organisation where somebody is valuing them. I keep telling people all the time, and I'm going to say it here on the podcast Other organisations will hire you, promote you into the role you deserve if your current organisation does not place value on you. You don't have to stay somewhere for 10, 15 years in order to be seen as loyal. You shouldn't be loyal to an organisation more than you're loyal to yourself.
Speaker 1:And I remember at Goldman Sachs I was so loyal because I was so grateful to be there. Who me from Tundam, who I was told that it would never happen for me. Then I find myself in Goldman Sachs. I was so grateful, I was grateful to be able to give it access pass into the building. I was grateful every time I got my paycheck Grateful, grateful, grateful, grateful. I remember when the senior director who I still talk to now he's one of the in-house council he said to me Toya, you're so good at what you do that we hire you, so that means you're good enough. Start from there. I just looked at him and I was like what's he talking about? Because I was in my people-pleasing era. You can't value yourself in the people-pleasing era, by the way. No, you diminish your value or you diminish yourself in people-pleasing because you're willing to do whatever it takes to keep up with the pleasantries, to keep up with the pleasing.
Speaker 1:I've spoken about value before in previous podcasts. I'm using this example to bring it to life for you, because you never, ever stop having to reaffirm your value. It doesn't matter how-I'm senior in my field, it doesn't matter. There's always somebody that wants you on the cheap or wants an opportunity to devalue you so they can afford you. People always look for opportunity to devalue you so they can afford you, so they need you to water yourself down so they can have access. That's bullshit. Imagine, as black women we're constantly having to. I know my white canto parts or my non-black canto parts are not having these conversations. I know they're not. Do you know where? Because they're in those valuable positions that are never opened up to me unless I go somewhere else. I'm here to tell you there are organisations that will hire you and pay you what you require to request. In fact, before you request it, they will tell you here they're organisations that are willing to hire your skillset, and they will tell you you have to be a subject matter expert, because that expert that you are is what holds the value. And then what holds the value is how you get what you deserve, want and deserve.
Speaker 1:There comes a time in your career where you're going to have to hold yourself accountable, and I've had to do that quite a few times. The first time was when I left Goldman. The second time is when I joined a massive telecommunications company. The third time was when I had to make a decision about what my next step was going to be in my career, because I was walking in the wilderness. I was confused. There's so many times when I was going on maternity leave, I had to have serious conversations with myself and recently I was asked a question. That question was what do you enjoy about your job? What do you want to focus on? And I was like what? Because no one ever asked me that question before. And I realised something I'm ready to specialise in a field Because I spent so long acquiring so much experience in different fields. I never wanted to commit to any one field because I didn't want to be pigeonholed, and that's what has allowed me to grow in my career and like exponentially grow. So I'm commanding a certain day right now because I've been able to just pivot, pivot, pivot, pivot. But now I'm at that point in my career where I can honestly say it's time to specialise.
Speaker 1:That holds a value. Unless you understand and recognise your value, you cannot expect somebody else to. And if somebody doesn't recognise your value, that means you've already devalued yourself. You must always know that I'm the prize All the time, it doesn't matter where you work. Oh, if the toys are going to leave, oh my god, what are we going to do? Do you know how much I used to laugh at Instead of organisations? I can't leave and nobody would do nothing will move until I get back because they're like oh, we need to toy, we need to toy. My shoulders were high. Do you know why? That's value? So they know. When I come to you and we're talking about objective setting and whether we achieved that bonus, your head better be up and down. Say yes. Why would it be a side to side? Because it'll be on my venues.
Speaker 1:So I just want to spotlight a couple of things I've seen in the media that I think is really important that we share and have conversation about. The tech industry is booming, especially with the development of AI, and if you go on social media, especially TikTok, everyone is trying to be a tech babe and, yeah, I get it. It's where the money is. It's what's hot right now. There was a time when crypto was hot. Everyone was on crypto.
Speaker 1:I feel like everything has its season, but what is very evident is the amount of job layoffs that have happened, especially in the tech, and not just tech, but more in the finance sector as well. So at the moment, what's being discussed is Google, citigroup, lloyd's, tsbb so they mentioned BlackRock and Amazon have announced job cuts. When you see big organizations talk about job cuts and, it seems, in quick succession of each other. I think it's really important, whether you're in those organizations, whether you are like myself and you're looking in from the outside, that you take the learnings, you read around what's happening to understand what the common commercial and work space is doing and how it could possibly affect you. It may not affect you in your current role, but it may affect where, if you wanted to go somewhere else or pivot, to understand what's happening in the job market, especially within your industry.
Speaker 1:So there's an article by Forbes and I'll just read the headline. It says major companies such as Google, amazon, citigroup and BlackRock have announced significant layoffs within their firms, contributing to the overall reduction of the white collar workforce. The ongoing job cuts are being driven by a combination of continued economic uncertainty, the ascension of artificial intelligence and right sizing companies as a result of the pandemic fueled hiring sprees. These trends reflect the broader challenges and unease shaping the job market, particularly in the white collar sector. Currently, the CEO of Google, sandeer Pinchai, basically warned of staff layoffs within Google and he said in an internal memo, the possibility of job eliminations that would create the capacity to invest, so effectively cutting the headcount, which is where you spend the most money. If you cut that headcount, you release money to invest or reinvest in certain parts of your organization that you feel like is an emerging market, for example.
Speaker 1:You know I've got a masterclass on redundancies, but what I am going to say is this anyone could be subjected to a layoff, it doesn't matter how long you've been in an organization. The legal term is redundancy and anyone could be subjected to it. I think if you're in a field that you see in a high redundancy rate, I think it's really important to consider where you sit and ask yourself the question if I was to be redundant today, what are my options? How have you created options for yourself? Have you maintained or created relationships with recruiters? Have you updated your CV on a quarterly basis? Are you keeping abreast of the job market? Insofar as you are strategically planning and looking at your career and you've got a holistic approach about where you see yourself in three, four, five, ten years time, are you creating a strategy that underpins your career?
Speaker 1:The grass is not always greener, but what is important is if you are being strategic in your career, you are subscribing to the Guardian, to Forbes News, to certain industry or whatever is in your industry in terms of access to information, because that information is education. It educates your ability to plan, it educates and informs your decision about having interviews and having conversations. Some agencies have never placed me, but their role in my book is not to place me. For some of them there are two agencies in particular and two recruiters, and I don't care if they never get me a role, because my objective is to have conversations with them on a periodic basis to understand what the market is saying within my sector. I have certain recruiters that I know will place me and I've worked with time and time again, but understanding how to educate yourself in your domain is really important.
Speaker 1:The layoffs that are happening the concern I have is how volatile the market is. It's the most volatile I've seen since the pandemic. It's the disposable nature and approach by organisations, how they feel very ready to dispose of headcount in a way that's quite callous. They're not trying to find other roles within an organisation. Their objective is to cut headcount, to release funds, to reinvest or to save money. When you start entering those type of spaces, you have to now start asking yourself how do I need to do some additional education, additional studying? It doesn't have to be accredited studying, but enough for you to educate yourself to be able to be a subject matter expert or enhance your knowledge to be able to pivot if you have to.
Speaker 1:I spoke quite a bit in the redundancy masterclass the importance of looking at if it's a public company, looking at the share price what are your senior leadership team doing? The shareholders? Are they selling their stock? Usually, when things happen like that, major changes are happening within the organisation, because why wouldn't they hold on to their stock and cash in when it's at its highest share price? Do you understand? Things like that are things that you need to start looking at, especially if you're in an organisation where you've been there for a while, or you've been there for a number of years and you're thinking I want to climb up the career ladder in this organisation.
Speaker 1:What informs my ability to stay and grow in one company will depend on the share price, what the shareholders are doing, the senior leadership team, how the senior leadership actually reflects the workforce. What's happened over the last five years? What's the trajectory? What's the overall strategy? You need to think about these things. What are the competitors doing? What makes the competitors competitive? Should I be working for a competitor, then there are times when redundancy does catch you on a wares.
Speaker 1:But now I'm having this conversation with you and I'm encouraging you to ask yourself the question if you were made redundant tomorrow, what would you do? You could go through the legal steps of you know they've got to do this and this. You know, is there a similar role somewhere else? But the likelihood is and I've never been through a redundancy, but that's also because I've tapped out before it's even gotten to me. You understand, it's gotten to my department. I was always really good at that, just understanding what was going on.
Speaker 1:But at the same time, I don't think there's a problem with investing time in an organisation that's willing to, you know, be transactional with you, but you have to also know what's going on with that organisation. Thank you for Google. I'd be uncomfortable, I would, because when they cut headcount, it's not in a specific department, it's in variant departments. Google names some of those departments. It's not specific and they're cut in headcount. And what's happening to those people's jobs? They are malgermating it, adding it to somebody else's job and paying them the same money. Crazy, isn't it?
Speaker 1:Another spotlight story I wanted to talk about is Bank of America. Bank of America recently sent a letter of education to its staff threatening disciplinary action if they don't return to work within two weeks. And, as they return to work, return to the offices. It's the same trumpet that Goldman Sachs, a city group, are sounding and it is the view that these organisations that I've mentioned are basically saying get back in the office. Remote work in is cancelled. You don't come back in disciplinary action, you've got two weeks to sort yourself out. Now I have had a couple of emails in the mailbox.
Speaker 1:I've had a few conversations with people in my network about certain organisations that have taken this sledgehammer to crack a rock approach. Everyone's forgotten about the learning lessons of the pandemic and everyone knows my position on remote working. I think, as a black woman, I'm much safer remote working as much as possible. But there are organisations that have invested so much on infrastructure in terms of buildings and stuff and they want to return on their investment. They also want bums on seats.
Speaker 1:What was never eroded was the unhealthy nature of micro managers needing to see you every day, the whites of your eyes, in order to micro manage you. Those are the type of organisation the managers I stay away from. Personally, I can't operate like that. But now I'm a mother, I also see remote working quite differently as well, in terms of I'm able to pick up my daughter at a reasonable time, drop her off at a reasonable time and have a work-life balance where I'm able to give my daughter her dinner I'm not rushing her to get her to bed, because you know that cycle of unhealthy work practices. I don't have to experience that and I know for some people whose roles are not remote because they're front line.
Speaker 1:I know that this conversation is quite redundant, but for those people who have understood and received the direct benefits of remote working, the view that organisations are trying to erode remote working is scary. It's scary because I often think to myself how could I have been a mum post a pre-pandemic? I don't know how I would have done it, because I don't underestimate how hard it would be for anyone who isn't in a position to remote work. Drop off your child in the morning, really early, or have somebody drop them off then rush to pick them up before you get a fine if they're there for longer than the agreed time, rushing home, rushing to cook, but you're not even really understanding how your child's day was, or whatever, because you're trying to get to bed because the next day you start all over again.
Speaker 1:For me, work-life balance is so critical to the quality of my life. It's so critical to the ability for me to enjoy the balance, and even more so because I'm very career orientated. You all know that and I've come to understand that. I was able to work my finger to the bone before and I didn't care. But when you have a family, it operates differently because your focus is. My motivations have changed. How I see workers shifted to not be able to afford to be afforded the time to spend with my child in the evenings is a no go. So those of you who work for Bank in America, I'm really extending my deepest compassion for you, because that is wild.
Speaker 1:How can you say something? A letter of education? Basically, I'm educating you, but you're about to lose your job if you do not tell you the line and come back into the office. Can you imagine? I learned that I was more efficient working remotely. I learned that I'm a better career woman working remotely. I'm able to think in my own space. I learned to appreciate my home because I got to spend more time in it, aside from the fact that obviously, I'm ill all the time because my daughter was a nursery, I avoided a lot of viruses that one could have caught in the public transport system.
Speaker 1:More importantly, I've saved a lot of money, and I have saved a lot of money being remade, because whilst there's a cost of living crisis, there's also a crisis in terms of the transport cost. It's expensive. It goes up every year, but it's expensive. I now live outside London so I'd have to drive and park at my local station. That costs money. So if your salary is not increasing it has not increased and that asks you to come back to work, you're going to lose that even more. You don't have to pay for that.
Speaker 1:And eight pools come in new financial year. Everything goes up. So this Sadiq Khan is saying they're freezing is it the TFL costs for TFL? They're freezing the season tickets, but it's already high. That's the point. It's already high, so people don't get paid enough as it is. Whoever you freeze it from today until 2029, the fact is it's too expensive. Rail tickets are going up. I live outside London. That rail ticket is going all the way up by six percent this one that's telling me to come in once a week. Sorry, they haven't seen me since Christmas.
Speaker 1:No, I'm sick, I can't, and I'm doing it. I'm contracted to do once a week and that's hard, especially because I don't get to see my daughter in the morning. I don't because I have to leave my house at 6.30 in the morning. How are we doing it, please, sorry? Can somebody actually explain to me how are we doing pre-pandemic? Monday night, 6pm Shit, I've got work on Monday. Then then look at my Siri just talking to herself.
Speaker 1:Then you wake up, maybe 5.30, 6am to leave the house around 7am to get to work for nine. Then you work, work, work, I want to think, get to work for nine. You have to go to the battle to get on the train, rush hour, everything, everything. Then you leave work at 5. Same rush hour. So you will go to work tired, come home exhausted. By the time you get home it's probably what 7, 7.30, maybe 8. Then by the time you wash your ear ever since 7.10pm, go to bed. What is that? No, sir, I can't.
Speaker 1:And this summer organisations are introducing a four day week. But what people are not understanding? You can do a four day week. They'll just cram everything into that four days. The fact of the matter is in order to give people work life balance, it has to be a balance. How can people be going to work for nine o'clock? I'm serious, how are we doing it?
Speaker 1:I know for a fact I used to argue every other day on the train Because if somebody is not trying to stand on my head, they're trying to stand on my hips. They're trying to put their elbow in my throat, in my suffocates, and then put their armpit in my eye. That was mad. I can't return to that. It's not good for my health, but some of us we're still doing it.
Speaker 1:That time, when I came in to get my IT equipment, I thought I was going to pass out on the train. If you want to see big disrespect, get on the underground. Those angry white men that have lost their masculinity in their house, they'll come and find it. On the train there was a big pregnant woman that was sitting in the seat that they were looking. They were like who go check me, boo, no, no, no, no, I can't. This country is such bad vibes. Sorry, buddies, I'm tired. I'm tired of Rishi Sunak. I'm tired of what's it do with Kamron? I'm tired of you. See, the concept is I can't even name them because they rotate like nothing I've ever seen before. Kya Stammo, leader of the Labour Party. They're tired of you.
Speaker 1:I feel like Labour needs a complete rehaul. To be honest, I do Because I don't know who I'm going to vote for in an upcoming general election. I just I haven't got a clue. I know I'm not voting Conservatives, but who else is there? Because Labour is not the Labour I knew before. No, this is a different Labour. I feel like Kya Stammo acts like a Conservative in a Labour Party hat, do you understand? But he behaves like a Conservative. It's too much. Anyway, I know I've just digressed, but I'm leaning to share that about buying a cup of America, because I thought it was just very rude, disrespectful and aggressively phrased letters of education. Can you imagine your employer sending you a letter of education? I will send you a letter of resignation because you're mad.
Speaker 1:This was just on the topic about general elections, labour and Conservatives. I just wanted to share something because there is a Labour MP who I follow on social media and I have interacted with her in the DMs as well. She's really lovely. Her name is Kate Osamor, the Labour MP. Kate Osamor had the whip suspended while she is investigated for saying Gaza should be remembered as a genocide on Holocaust Memorial Day.
Speaker 1:The MP for Edmonton in North London is due to meet party whips on Monday after issuing an apology over the message she sent on the eve of the day marking the murder of 6 million Jews during the Second World War. Osamor had distributed the message to her party members saying Holocaust Memorial Day should be observed, but other genocides should also be remembered, listing Gaza as one of them. The former Shadow Development Secretary, who served in Jeremy Corbyn's top team, shared a photograph of herself signing the Westminster Remembrance Book of the Holocaust Educational Trust. She also wrote that there was an international duty to remember the victims of the Holocaust, as well as more recent genocides in Cambodia, rwanda, bosnia and now Gaza. Osamor later tweeted Holocaust Memorial Day is a day to remember the 6 million Jews killed in the Holocaust and the genocides that have occurred since. I apologise for any offence caused by my reference to the ongoing humanitarian disaster in Gaza. As part of that period of remembrance, jonathan Reynolds, the Shadow Business Secretary, told Sky News that Osamor had met the chief whip to discuss her comments and was due to meet officials again this week. What is happening in Gaza is clearly a humanitarian catastrophe. That is recognised, he said, but there are specific reasons why the Holocaust is considered as it is. It's important that Holocaust Remembrance Day to remember that and I understand Kate has apologised. There has been a conversation with the chief whip. There will be further conversations next week, but of course, we take anything in this space extremely seriously. Asked if Osamor was likely to be disciplined, reynolds added there will be those conversations and I can tell you that they have already been scheduled for the week ahead. Of course, whenever we have a situation like this, we take it extremely seriously.
Speaker 1:Starmer has supported and that's Kier Starmer has supported Israel's right to defend itself in Gaza against Hamas, but more recently called for a sustainable ceasefire and hit out at the intolerable casualties. His position has caused tensions within labour. Many in the party have pressed him to be more critical of Israel's military action, which has caused an estimated 24,000 deaths. Momentum of the pressure group on the left of labour said it was an outrageous decision that further damages labour's reputation for racism under Kier Starmer and should be immediately reversed. I'm not going to go on, but what I'm going to say is Kier Starmer is a Black Labour MP and I think that we also need to be very conscious of the erosia of Black voices and how the erosia of Black voices is occurring when one shares a viewpoint that is not shared by the majority. Wherever you sit within the conflict, the reality is children are dying, children are being murdered, innocent civilians are being murdered and there comes a point where you have to at least acknowledge that.
Speaker 1:I've often been asked where I stand in terms of the conflict. I've been asked my view and if you know me or if you follow me on socials, you'll be clear of my view. I don't feel that I need to sit here and say this is this and this. I don't feel like I need to. I think that there is a calculated agenda to demonise anyone who says something that can be interpreted as racist. But there's a reality here. There is a genocide that is taking place and, no matter how you try to pretend, ignore or try to justify it, it is happening right now and I feel like there's this mission to take down people who say certain things because it's interpreted in a certain way. But my position is really clear I do not believe in murdering children and innocent civilians in any war, and South Africa has taken on the mantle of calling out the genocide and, no matter how the world sees Africa or the history, especially that South Africa has with apartheid, they're invested in ensuring that they speak up and South Africa has taken on a position that nobody really expected, especially how far they've taken it.
Speaker 1:I feel like there is an agenda in the media, there's an agenda in social media and it's almost like as a black woman, as an educated black woman, I'm entitled to my view. We all are. We're entitled to be safe in how we communicate those views. But there is also a reality. There are certain countries that have also experienced ethnic cleansing. I'm an Ibo woman. The story and the history of the Biafran War, especially the ethnic cleansing of the Ibo's, is the untold story that is being now told. So when we talk about things like ethnic cleansing, it is very close to my heart because I know as an Ibo woman and I've read and educated myself on what Ibo people went through. So let us be aware, let us shine our eyes and let us be very careful of the agenda to erase and remove the black voice. That is what I'm going to say on that. So let's move on to the dilemmas White place dilemma. Hi Toya, I trust you all well. I would like to bring a situation to your attention and seek your advice on the next steps. Please note that the email is a bit lengthy and I appreciate your time in reading it. I kindly request that you keep the information confidential. Thank you in advance.
Speaker 1:I started a new job in January 2023. She gave me her job title, but I'm not going to say it Moving on from another organisation that I had started encountering some challenges. After close to two years working in the organisation, I accepted this new job offer as I was quite desperate at the time and needed to get out of my old job. I thought it was a decent organisation and perhaps I could work my way up to a senior position, joining in January. For the first few weeks it was okay, although I noted the onboarding was very light. In fact, there was no onboarding at all. The technical consultant gave us a three-day onboarding, myself and two other technical consultants. We pretty much had to figure out very technical products on our own or ask him for help when necessary. As I went through the job, I began to realise there was no clear operational framework for my role and for the particular project I was working on. I was the first hire for my particular region. Historically, there were only one tenured consultant managing all the accounts.
Speaker 1:After the company took a massive redundancy, this particular colleague was very territorial of me contacting customers and made my job very difficult to the extent I started questioning myself about the role. I was told not to contact customers without his permission and received very unusual messages from him when I emailed customers based on my manager's approval. This colleague's behaviour began to get worse over time to the extent where he refused to attend meetings where I was present Trying to understand my customer goals and objectives, as he didn't believe that was necessary. Neither did my role as a XYZ fit for this particular team. There were also conflicts between him and my manager where they disagreed on numerous occasions, and there were many times where he told me to disregard my manager's decision.
Speaker 1:It was very frustrating to have joined a new company and experienced this. I didn't particularly understand the product as it was very data heavy and not enough people on this side of the organisation were given much training Due to the dynamics of the team and the behaviour of the said consultant. One of my colleagues who newly started left three months after joining. However, I also began to notice around the business they were suddenly making people redundant, people were leaving and I really started to question what sort of organisation I had joined. Eventually, the said consultant was fired by senior leadership as they wanted to avoid as much disruption as possible within the business. It was then left with myself and another colleague managing the particular region that I was managing, with barely any onboarding, training and notes documented from predecessors about the clients. My manager at the time was quite new to the product and didn't have much knowledge. Hence I had to learn from other people in the business who were based in the US for more information.
Speaker 1:Fast forward to four months, my manager left, which meant I now had to report to the senior leaders in the US. I had a few encounters with this lady already. I went on a business trip early in the year, but I didn't really like her vibe. I felt awkward around her. I had weekly one to ones where I gave an account of all my customers and activities that I was doing, and at this point I had lost motivation for the job and was searching for new roles, doing interviews, but I had been unsuccessful in getting a new job at the time. In September I had an annual performance review. Everything went well. I even got a pay rise. Fast forward to November I randomly got fired with no warning, no clear explanation, but they said it was based on performance. What the same performance. You got a pay rise for.
Speaker 1:Senior leadership of my manager had already made the decision and my access on the job was switched off immediately. No one said my manager mentioned she had issues with my performance. But recently I had noticed she was interrogating me in emails about my work with customers and my current activity. She never mentioned anything in my one to ones about performance issues and was very sneaky about the whole situation. To be honest, when my manager left, I knew something like this would come up, as they were my only safety net within the organisation. In the final meeting where they terminated my employment, my manager had nothing to say to me. She didn't utter one word.
Speaker 1:Hi then followed up with me on how I would be transitioning from the company. I was in shock that they would dismiss me in that manner, without any warning or anything documented. I recently followed up with HI and EMA explaining what I had been through in the role since I started in January and how I was not informed of any performance issues. Neither did my manager express any concerns. I even cc'd the CEO and explained the way I had been treated doesn't align with the company's values and wellbeing of employees in particular, in particularly me being one of the only women of colour in the team. Hi followed up by saying that they do care about their employees and they understand my disappointment and happiness in the lack of structure in the role since I started working for this company. However, my termination for my employment was correct and for proper reason. They gave me the opportunity to discuss my experience, but only initial conversation. I was willing to offer help to support my next job search. I didn't acknowledge the help they wanted to give me and I think it's very harsh and inhumane to fire someone just before the Christmas holidays. I'm trying to find any legal reasons to sue this company. However, after doing my research, there doesn't seem to be any proper justification for me to take legal action. I'm in the process of searching for new opportunities and hoping to find one soon. It would be great to get your opinion of what I should do next. Thank you very much for reading this email, your time and consideration.
Speaker 1:Can I say something to you when you're in an employment, there's such a thing as red flags and raging red flags. One thing I always say to people is during your probation period, you should still be interviewing, because I have left jobs during my probation. I need you to understand and also need you to know that when you go somewhere and it's madness you should always be plotting your escape. I think you stay too long From when your manager was fired. That means that you had no cover. You needed to be getting out and I know you were interviewing and you didn't get a role. But the fact is this if you have a six month probation, for the next six months, part of your personal probation is in the personal probation masterclass on the Toys and Toes and Toes website. So I've really covered that part. But add to that, you should still be interviewing. You should, because you do realise that probation is mutual.
Speaker 1:If I go somewhere and I can see there's madness everywhere, redundancies everywhere, people are getting fired left, right and centre I'm in the trenches. My onboarding has been really bad. I'm not particularly happy. Why am I still here? I think you're in an American company, based on what you've written here, the things I haven't shared, sorry, my daughter's coughing. I think you're in an American company and I don't know what the labour laws are like there, but here, if you are within your probation period, it's actually it depends. It's quite difficult to suit it depends, unless it's like a strict liability offence, like sex discrimination and things like that.
Speaker 1:But I don't think you managed your probation period very well because if you had, you would have anticipated that they would have sex you, but also as well, you would have had them by the balls by enforcing one to one, planning your objectives, making sure you're following up with emails, keeping correct audits. I feel like when you don't do those things and you get to a point where you're fired and then you're sending emails to HR, it's a very long short story that you're telling them. The fact is, they've already sex you now. And if it's unfair dismissal, what would be the grounds? Yeah, they haven't followed the correct procedure, but is it enough to be able to take them to employment tribunal in the UK? No, in the US. I'm not sure about the labour laws, but I think that there is an opportunity to learn a growth from this. You need to be able to identify red flags and I'm telling you, the red flags did not start in the onboarding, it started from the interview. If you had interviewed them properly, you would have been able to ask that impertinent question. That would have given you a window to what's going on.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you I've started a new job and not handed my notice in the previous job. Before you know me, I can't take my foot off the acceleration button, acceleration pedal. You know I don't trust nobody, I don't, even where I'm working. Now I'm still interviewing. You know me, ha, everybody. It's only now where I'm working. I know they're not mad, they're actually really, really nice. I can stop interviewing, but if some recruit calls me for a role, I'm entertaining it. I'm entertaining it.
Speaker 1:When I was a perm, I had the exact same attitude. If I start a role, you've got to know I've even got another one and I'm just working my notice. Or I'm still interviewing and speaking to recruiters because until the probation is over, I have not made a decision about whether I'm going to stay past my probation. So your attitude towards your employment needs to change. I feel like you have a very relaxed attitude because if you had a get up and go attitude, you would have gone. You would have get gone long time.
Speaker 1:This one that you're telling me long story, short story this was going on for months, for months. You see me, this type of thing can't be happening to me and I'm travelling to the US to come and sit with somebody. If I know there's fires everywhere, I'm not leaving my home country to come go to a different country. It's going to receive collect international fire. No, I think you need to take the time to also be kind to yourself, because I think you've been through a lot here, because what people don't understand is the psychological trauma associated with such an environment is heavy. So if you're telling me about next steps, you're already out. You're already out and I feel like you didn't do enough to collate and build a burn folder, because there's nothing here that you've told me that tells me what your burn folder nothing.
Speaker 1:So either you're a very new listener to the Toy Talks podcast or you just didn't do what your required due diligence in a situ, and I commend you to be able to share this, because even me, I've learnt. I've learnt, though. I learnt from every situation, because I may be what I call me a career guru, but the guru is also learning. The guru is the students. I'm learning that madness, fire and brimstone can happen at any point in your employment, but it starts from somewhere.
Speaker 1:If you want me to believe it started on the onboarding, I don't believe that, because how they onboarded you is how your onboarding will be when you accept a job you understand. So I've accepted a job before. In the past they onboarded. They said it would take two weeks, six weeks. You're still onboarding me. I've really started another job. I don't have time for you. You have to shine your eyes.
Speaker 1:If you want to understand how to have at least elements of a peaceful employment, you have to be strategic and you have to be selfish. I don't think you've been selfish here and I think part of it is because the circumstances in which you accepted this job was because you had to leave the other job. So I don't think you've got to look clearly at this organisation for what it was. You just wanted to get out of your own situation. We've all been in that situation, but you can't go from fire to hell. That's mad. So I think you just need to take your time. You need to take some time out, take the learnings and then be applying for roles.
Speaker 1:It's really hard when you're sacked from a role, especially when you go to a new employer now for interview, they say oh, why did you leave your old job? How do you even? What you should have done with these people is negotiate with them, because it seems like the sacking caught you unaware. Then you should have made that like. You know there's a way you could have managed this. They'll even be scared. Then you'll be like okay, you know what a compromise is. I want a standards reference and the reason for leaving is resignation, because then you could control the narrative, whereas here I feel like you didn't even give yourself an opportunity to control the narrative because you're always on the back foot. So if you ask me, what's your next steps, you need to negotiate so that you can get a reference that says that it was by mutual agreement to resign or to leave, because I don't know how you're going to explain this as it stands to a new employer. So hopefully that's helped you. Keep me posted and I know it's not easy, it's tough. It is tough especially when especially when you're tired and you're taking a job to get away from a situation. I get it. So the next dilemma is called toxic manager Hi Toya. Feel free to use as a dilemma on the podcast, but please keep me anonymous.
Speaker 1:I have recently moved from the UK to Australia, working in a completely new role in department. For confidentiality's sake, let's say it's a legal department, so the team is primarily made up of lawyers. My role is reporting to an office manager within the department, so it is a support role. My team therefore consists of me, my manager and that's it. I've never worked in law before, so I have zero industry knowledge. My manager, however, was an ex-lawyer, so knows the industry well. I found this manager to be particularly difficult to work with.
Speaker 1:She told me in my interview she's open to new ideas and processes, but during the onboarding process it was pretty clear she just wanted to just give me the tasks and for me to complete them in a way. They always were done. I have no issue with this, but I would have preferred to have known this before accepting the role, as all the processes are very manual and don't find it particularly enjoyable. Can I, just before I continue, can I say something? In an interview? You're also interviewing them. I can tell that you have not purchased the interview masterclass, because if you had, I'm telling you the question, the follow-up question you would have asked is when she said, oh, she's open to new idea and processes, I would have said can you give me an example of new ideas that were proposed and adopted and why you chose to approve and adopt that process and what changed, what was key things that changed from your previous process to your new process?
Speaker 1:You can't come and interview and chat shit to me. You know I put you on a spot. Give me an example, because I never expect you to ask that. You can't tell me oh, I'm open, I'm open to new ideas. Oh, for example, oh, I really promote promotions and stuff. Can you give me an example of when you have promoted a junior member of staff and if they currently work in your organization Because me, I will then go and research and find that person and verify that information you've told me.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you in an interview, everybody's lying, but the biggest liar is the organization. They're telling lies because what they're never going to do is come and tell you what all the bodies are buried and they're going to tell the most lies because they're trying to sell you something they are Now the candidate is also going to. I don't call it lies, but it's going to paint perfect pictures. Your job in the interview is to find the holes in that picture or at least ask leading questions so that you have a clear review of that picture. I don't think you ask very leading questions in the interview, because had you done that, you would have answered your own question. Anyway, let's continue.
Speaker 1:Around two weeks into my job job role, my manager pulled me into a one-to-one to tell me that I have no attention to detail and the work I did for her a day prior was a load of rubbish. I was told to watch a video on how to complete this piece of work, which I did. I then sent it to her for review, but I heard nothing back, so it wasn't given the opportunity to correct it. When I came back in and she pulled me into a room, I felt told off like a school child, and her attitude towards me has been downhill ever since. I feel she is waiting for me to make a big mistake, to make a mistake, gets short with me when I ask questions, but I don't have anyone else to ask as she is my only source of knowledge. I think she has had enough of training me. We also have permanent deaths, which are situated next to each other, so I feel heavily observed all day.
Speaker 1:At the Christmas party, she marched over to me to tell me that what I was wearing was inappropriate. Sorry For context. We were in Australia, so everyone is wearing more minimal clothing than you normally would. In the UK At Christmas. It is their summer time, so it's extra hot. Plus, it was a party. I was wearing trousers, smart black heels, a top with an open back and a jumper over the top, a little festival Christmas earrings, nothing short or low cut, just some skinny out on my back. I took my jumper off in the cab as it was hot, but in the event itself I was wearing the jumper over the top as we went from the office to the venue, both of which had aircon. She had obviously seen in the cab what I was wearing underneath the jumper and decided to tell me it wasn't acceptable. Meanwhile she is wearing short dresses to work most days. I felt she was purely a comment to make me feel self conscious.
Speaker 1:Today at work I went to a session that I was asked to help organise for a new cohort of staff. This was an introduction to the department, which I didn't get when I was on boarded, so I considered it a useful session to sit in on, especially given that I'd helped to organise it. I took my laptop along to the session to take notes and received a message from my manager on Teams that read I'm just wondering where you are, as I can see you're working, but not at your desk. I told her we're sitting in on the session and she told me I needed to notify her when I was going to be leaving my desk and attending these sessions. I could go on and on discussing the interactions I've had with her, but I think you get the point.
Speaker 1:I'm around two to three months into my six month probation period. I'm finding myself not sleeping, waking up with heart palpitations, neck problems. The anxious list goes on. I really enjoy your episode on dealing with anxiety in the workplace, but I don't feel I would be struggling this much if it weren't for this one individual. I feel I'm walking on eggshells and I don't feel that this is a positive environment for which I can learn and grow and develop. My question is do I speak up about her attitude towards me with my HR check-in next week, or do I keep quiet and look to leave? I'm not sure this early on I can pivot within the company and frankly, I'm scared to ask, as I'm not sure what the repercussions might be. Can you imagine? Hell, I don't want this to get back to her and then the working relationship becomes even more toxic. I'm really sorry about how much worth can it get at this point?
Speaker 1:I also feel, given that I'm in the office all day, five days a week, I won't be able to interview elsewhere with ease. Can you see where I'm working now? I'm working on my hybrid, even, especially when she's asked where I am. Whenever I leave my desk for a short period, I don't have much sick leave or annual leave accrued. It's different here in Australia. More than two days sick requires a doctor's note and currently I have only 11 hours sick leave and 23 hours annual leave to use. So I don't even book time off to interview. I can't even book time off to interview. It's difficult because it's a really great role, company and salary.
Speaker 1:So as I'm looking elsewhere, I'm wondering if I'm making the right choice, looking to leave. For the sake of my bank account and CV, I want to stay, but the sake of my mental health I want to get out quick. Any advice would be really appreciated. Can I say something to you? I have a saying, and when did I get the saying from? I can't remember. I stole it from somewhere. When they go low, I go to hell. I like that saying because it means that you have to start it for me to move it. Do you understand? I don't know how long you've been listening to my podcast. I worry, and I worry because do you have a burn folder? If you don't, you need to go to earlier episodes to understand what a burn folder is, but I'll give you a high level overview. A burn folder is a collective folder of instances, situations that are evidenced in a folder that you sometimes have to use to burn your whole house down. That's where burn folder is Evidence Follow-ups. When they speak to you and keep things off email, you put it back in an email. Further to the conversation we had in the corridor by the lift at 2pm. You need to go to HR because I'm really sorry. Neck pain, head pain. No, girl, I'm going to say something to you.
Speaker 1:When I first got this email, it reminded me of when I was working for Capita and I was in a similar setup to you whereby I was reporting. I had a colleague she was on the same level as me and then I was reporting into the senior and everything was going fine. It was before toilet talks, before I understood strategy, navigating the world of work. I was just a young black girl thinking I'm going to cruise through life and career because I had a degree. Hey, I was just a small little poppy, didn't know that a bubble would burst and it popped bang. And I was working with this lady and she waited 2 weeks or so one week before the end of my probation to tell me I'm doing a shit job. She called me for a meeting in the Birmingham office. Yeah, you heard me.
Speaker 1:I left my Londoner boat to go to Birmingham. When I got there, this woman had my CV on the desk. She marked up my CV with a red pen and she had the all the audacity, the effinity, the guts, the confidence, the bareback attitude. Do you really have a law degree? Because I'm questioning if you have a law degree based on the work I've seen from you. This woman spoke to me like I was a shit stain on the corner of her shoe. She spoke to me like I was nothing.
Speaker 1:I had to question if I had a law degree because the way she was talking to me, she battered me in that room. Do you know what battered is Battered? I didn't eat. I didn't sleep for months. Every time I had to send an email, I was shaking. I was so scared I couldn't do my job because I didn't know if every email now would be questioned. I was terrified of her and I was terrified because I had no alternative.
Speaker 1:I didn't when I accepted the job. I'd been unemployed for months before I accepted her job. I was going through it and one day she had called me to ask me something and my brain went blank. I was shaking. Have you ever seen a rat? When you corner it, the thing would just be f-, f-, f f-, f f-, f-, f looking for exit. I was a rat Shaking. I forgot who I was. I lost who I was.
Speaker 1:I remember I think it was the Easter, christmas period. I can't remember exactly, but it was one of those holidays. It was the worst I'd ever felt in my life. I felt physically sick and the possibility of going back to work after the holidays. And one day she sent me a contract to mark up and I was paralyzed with fear and that day I realized I can't stay here, I gotta go. I took a job that paid me 20,000 pounds less about 20,000 pounds less than what I was getting. I took that job and I ran.
Speaker 1:Now, when I look back, I handled it all wrong, because the toy are back then and the toy are now is absolutely different. But that's what's given back to the toy tools podcast. Right experiences, life lessons and living through situations that have never repeated itself in my life. You know how I should have handled them. I should have created a bone folder and the repercussions would have been heavy because at the end of the day, that was my manager. I couldn't escape her. It was a team of three, one of which was my manager.
Speaker 1:So what we really saying? She was established, people knew her, no one knew me. I was a nobody and I would have burnt the whole house down. I say this figuratively. I would have just made a former complaint, burn it all down with the burn folder, because at that point, what do I have to lose? I'm not eating and sleeping anyway. I feel like shit. My self-esteem is non-existent, my nerves are shot to pieces. I would have just made a former complaint and made my exit plan to leave, but not before I had taught her a lesson. I gave her opportunity to disrespect me on so many levels to the point where you're questioning my academic achievements, even though you've not even achieved not even one GCSE. Hey, let me tell you something. Things I've changed. No one could try that. I was in my 20s, I was young. I was young minded. I didn't know. If she was to see me now she'll probably drop dead on the floor because I'm a completely different person. My dear, the advice I'm gonna give you. What do you have to lose making a complaint? Oh, I know why. She's gonna make your life hell. Oh yeah, it's hell already. Oh my god, you're not gonna be able to eat, sleep or drink. You're not in that situation. You need to now start planning to leave.
Speaker 1:You see this one that you're telling me you don't have time to go to job interviews or whatever. When you want something bad enough, you find the time. Lie, lie. I'm telling you to lie and I lie. Oh, I've got to take the morning off. I've got a family emergency. Oh, I'm not feeling well today. Do you know how many times I call in sick to go to interviews? Listen, if you want something bad enough because your situation is intolerable. You find a way. Lie. I'm telling you this because you have to save your soul, save your mental health. Why is it that we put we we're so willing to sacrifice our mental health over everything else? Because we are making excuses. If it's a choice between my mental health, I'm choosing my mental health. If I have to lie, if I have to take time off, if I have to call in sick for interview, that's what I'm gonna do. If it's a free-stage interview, that's what I'm gonna do. I'll find a way. I will find a way. But I don't think you handle this situation very well in the first place because you don't have a burn folder anytime.
Speaker 1:Anybody's comfortable to shout at you like you're a child. It's because they're testing their abilities to reduce you to nothing. When somebody shouts on top of the head, you need to shout up of their head. You can't come and show me the day you try it. By the time I'm done with you, you'll be begging me. I remember I was working somewhere. One lady tried that on the phone. I went quiet. Do you know? I went quiet. There's gonna be more than wait. A skinner cat, but skinner cat, I will.
Speaker 1:I sent her a follow-up email following the meeting where you shouted and disrespected me and I wrote it there. You affected my mental health. You reduced me to nothing in front of my peers. I wrote it all there and this is unacceptable behavior. I have therefore copied in HR for the avoidance of doubt and to reiterate the expectation me, I'm mad. You know when I'm ready to deal with you, you're the one that will be screaming. I would do with you when I go quiet, you're finished. But you see this one coming to shout at you in in a work Christmas party. I would have said to her can you move away from me? Move away from me right now, before I call the police me, because at that point the gloves off.
Speaker 1:My question is what do you have to lose? Oh, the money is right there. Do you know how many of us sacrifice ourselves because of money? Your mental health is priceless at this point. When are you gonna choose yourself? You're suffering because their money is right and it's a great company, but you can't even do the job.
Speaker 1:Imagine being so micro managed that you can't do your job. So my question is what are you doing? There comes a point in your career, yeah, where you enter crossroads, where you have to make some choices. This is that crossroads. You can't continue how you're going. But if you continue how you're going, you'll end up in hospital or you're gonna end up sectioned. And I'm serious because some of these organizations will run you mad. They'll run you mad. I made a decision no job will run me mad. I will run them crazy. I'll. They'll be begging me because I'm not having it. We are so vulnerable with black women in the workplace and that's why we have to choose the conditions that we work in and strategize from the offset.
Speaker 1:Imagine leaving your father's home to go and walk somewhere as somebody's shouting on you. Is everybody mad? I dare you to come and shout on top of my head. And then you, I want you to. I've got so many examples on the podcast of where I've been tried. I've just been peaceful. You've tried me. I will skin you. Your bum will be bare outside. You'll be begging somebody to come and cover you the shem of your bum stupid, but I feel like you've allowed this to get this far. I'm not blaming you at all, far from it but I think there's a question that needs to be asked about self-esteem. How low is my self-esteem that I'm allowing this to happen and I'm justifying it. No money, no company is worth your mental health. There's none, because once you lose your mental health, you've lost everything, everything.
Speaker 1:I am commending you for your ability to be honest and transparent, but, sis, I'm gonna ask you to choose you, bendy, as them. God, make a formal complaint with HR, and the thing is, you don't do it in silence, you see. You see, when people are mad, you have to go to, you have to go to the mountain top of madness. Copy her in me. I don't just do formal complaint to HR and then you're surprised. No, I'll copy you in. I want you to see it. Who? God check me. Boo, reclaim your power because, sis, you're gonna have to do a lot of work to replenish your not your, not self-esteem. You're gonna have to do a lot of work to reassure yourself that you're worthy. You're gonna have to do a lot of work to heal from this, because there's trauma attached to this experience. So I need you, I need you to choose yourself, I need you to take control of this situation and I need you to look for another job whilst managing this situation.
Speaker 1:So I've had a request come through of the back of the last episode of the toy talks podcast about the flexible working request document. So that will go up this week on the toy talkscom website. So anyone who has purchased any of the masterclasses you'll see the document attached to every single masterclass. Because I was trying to think maybe I could put it on one where it's probably more in lines, but I figured that actually you know what it. I feel like the request for flexible working can be covered in, you know, as part of the interview process. Like what do you can see you're used to that, you're quite a flexible manager, but what does flexible working mean to you? In a the negotiation masterclass, maybe you can negotiate extensive flexible working. So I just kind of feel it doesn't really belong in any one masterclass. So I'm gonna attach it to all. So by the end of the week that should be up and I've made that a point to get done and it won't take me long and I definitely think it's a required document.
Speaker 1:So the young lady who emailed in asking for that, I will get Jennifer, my assistant, to email it over to you because you have, you know, gone out of your way to request it. So I think it's only fair that we send it to you but everyone else. It will be on your dashboard in the toy on the toy talkscom website. I have another email, which is not a dilemma, but I'm gonna share it with you. It says that the toy talks podcast changed my life. Hi, toya, I hope my email finds you well.
Speaker 1:I've been listening to your podcast religiously for three years now. I've written into you a couple of times and your advice has always been amazing. Toya, your guidance has changed my life. With words, with your words of wisdom, in the past two years I've been able to double my earnings. I wanted to move out and initially started saving for a shared ownership studio flat, studio stroke flat and now make enough money to buy myself a free bedroom house in Kent's. Hey, girl, you did that. You've also taught me how to conduct myself in the workplace. 20 year old me would be shocked at how far I have come and how I operate at work. It's all thanks to you. Nobody teaches you this stuff, but you have taken the time to teach, educating, guide. Your journey and mine are very similar with a parent in the home who was toxic. You are proof that things get better. I'm almost 27 and still figuring things out, but I know things will get better and I'm on the right track. I found finally found my feet in my industry and plan to start contracting when I've got a couple of years underneath under my belt and I've bought my house. These next few years are about investing in myself so that I can comfortably enjoy my 30s.
Speaker 1:I re-listen to your episodes all the time and never get bored. Each time I'm able to pick out and learn something new. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Your podcast is greatly appreciated and respected. You're an inspiration. God bless you and your family, cloud of gods. Thank you.
Speaker 1:I always say it's so important for me to always remember my why and that be in the forefront of my mind, because I'm also having to assimilate the information you guys send to me through your dilemmas, the DMs. But also I'm having to unearth my own experiences in the world of work to be able to deliver the master, the master classes, to be able to deliver the podcast. And I say this to everybody I'm not everyone's cup of tea. Yeah, I've accepted long, long, long time ago. Not everyone's gonna like me. You don't have to like me. This is not like ability politics. I can't do anything with your like, can't cash no checks. But if you understand me and you're able to approach the podcast with a free mind, there's no way you're not gonna learn.
Speaker 1:It's nice to be liked, but the reality is, if you really want to understand how to navigate the world of work successfully and be able to strategically growing your career, climb the career ladder, maximize your earning potential, possibly make six figures, it's this podcast that you're gonna get. That. That's a fact, because I have reached very senior level in my career. I earn six figures, I have businesses and I have a career and I'm a mom and I'm a wife, I own property, I have assets and I have investments. I mean, if somebody would have been able to teach me this, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be sharing a lot of the pain that's given rise to the podcast. I'm asking you and telling you and sharing with you so you can avoid a lot of the mistakes I made, avoid the pain and be able to learn and grow, because the system is not built to teach you these things. In fact, the system in which we live in tells us we're not good enough, whereas your, your counterparts, are told that the world belongs to them, so their journey and experiences are different and for me I'm gonna be really honest I find it the most rewarding when I hear how you guys have used what I've been able to give, because it reminds me of the power that we all possess in the ability to share.
Speaker 1:I don't hoard knowledge, I don't keep knowledge. I share it because I understand that I'm also a student of life and I'm learning every day. Every single day, I learn something new about myself, about my career, my wants, my needs as a mother now, and adding that to my career, the nuance is crazy. I have a different drive, my focuses are clearer and I'm determined on a different level. I am where I'm at in my career is and I can be really open and I can share this.
Speaker 1:I'm also in our crossroads, a good crossroads, whereby I'm like, okay, I'm thinking of now specializing and I'm thinking about my career in terms of contracting, and I'm thinking about my career in terms of what would a good firm look like if I wanted to go down that route in terms of contracting trajectory? What other organizations and companies don't want to work for? Based on my ability to now specialize, what is important to me? It more than money, what is important to me, and it's having a healthy work-life balance, and this podcast has evolved on so many levels because I've also shared my journey. And now I get to share another aspect of this journey for those who are also wanting to pursue motherhood, because if it takes a different germistan, even your tolerance is different and your ability to switch off is quick, because you don't have a lot of time and if time is of the essence, when you do have the time at work you have to be able to deliver, deliver at pace so that you can have the balance of home life, the importance of having a really good nursery that facilitates my ability to be able to deliver at work.
Speaker 1:In terms of money, even even down to where we are currently in the commercial space, like financially, how do you start like I have got the negotiation masterclass. But when you have a commercial space that's changing in the way it is, in terms of cost of living, in terms of redundancies, and you're starting to negotiate, does your negotiation standpoint change? And it does, because I always say what does the mark, what is the what's in the market? How are you benchmarking your roles and then figuring out where you land in your career at certain stages of your life is also really important. So the young lady that shared that. Now she's able to buy a three bedroom house where initially she was looking at shared ownership property.
Speaker 1:There comes a point where you do have to do a recce of your career and you have to sit back and think okay, where, where am I in my career? What's the market saying? How do I stay on top of my career? How do I stay a subject matter expert? What are some of the emerging topics of markets within my career? Okay, how can I pivot? How can I navigate? These need to be periodic questions you're asking yourself. You must always be wanting more. If you, you should always be aiming for more if you want more.
Speaker 1:Some people are mediocre, and that's okay. Some people are allowed to be magnolia, but those of you who choose not to be magnolia, you have a duty to keep a pulse to your career, like for me, going on maternity and being able to financially finance my maternity gave me the opportunity to dictate my terms. It gave me the opportunity to understand how much power I yield as a subject matter expert. The ability to create healthy relationship with money allowed me to be able to, to save so that I'm able to create a healthy relationship with money, to put myself in a position where I can find my maternity and decide when I wanted to go back from maternity. Can you understand why being a subject matter expert, being in charge and at the forefront of your career, gives you more power than you realize? And when you realize your power, you acknowledge your value. When you acknowledge your value, you're able to now strategically navigate working away. That benefits you and, as black women, we have to be on top of our game because if you keep get your, if you take your foot off the pedal, you release the pressure, and when you release the pressure on some of these people's necks, they're gonna come looking for you. So you better understand how you're gonna hold on to the power that you're able to devise by being a subject matter expert.
Speaker 1:When I really do a lot of your dilemmas, I feel I feel really sad at certain things that I feel like we have have had to go through that define our career path and I feel like over the years, especially being able to deliver this podcast, I've been able to really not only ask myself a lot of questions but being able to kind of heal from certain situations that have happened at work, through therapy, through being cathartic on the podcast. But there's something I really realized that I really have to share before I close this episode. I place a lot of emphasis on peace. I like peace, I really enjoy my peace. When you will feel it, especially at work, decide to interrupt my peace, I'm coming for you armed with my burn folder. I'm coming for you.
Speaker 1:I feel like peace is the most underrated ingredient in life at work. There are some managers they sold job is to interrupt your peace and cause you mayhem and to cause chaos. And if you, if you decide to cause chaos and interrupt my peace in the workplace, I'm coming after you because peace of mind allows me the breathing space to do my job. And if I can't breathe because you have your hand on my neck, then I'm gonna put my foot up your ass. That's how I move now, because I'm not just Toya. I'm Toya, the wife, Toya, the mother, toya, the career woman, toya, who wants peace. In order for me to excel and elevate in every part of my life, I need peace. I need the ability to exercise who I am in a peaceful way. If you interrupt my peace at work, I'm gonna put my foot up your ass. That's what I told you. I'll burn it all down. Don't try it with me.
Speaker 1:So that last dilemma, the second to last dilemma about the woman's show and her nothing, it really triggers me because I'm like this girl is not a piece. This woman is not a piece because one manager decided that because her man has kicked her to the curb or filed for divorce or because she's going through menopause, but because her vagina is on the floor, she wants to come down, harass her ass. Our good sis and our good sis is having neckache, backache, trauma. No, I feel like we need to understand what activates our cruddy. When you understand what activates your ability to be on crud, then you need to activate crud when your piece is interrupted, because people, when people ask about, when people ask about, oh, what would be a perfect job or what job are you looking for, people would now be listing shopping lists, but peace will never be on that list.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna tell you this in order for me to operate at my optimal level, I need peace. If you don't give me that peace, wahala is coming. I swear to God, and this is why, in any organization. I just like concentrating, focusing on my mind, my business. I just observe where I'm currently working. I'm gonna end on this.
Speaker 1:There is a girl. We're gonna call her Gabby. Gabby has been there for a year and when I was interviewed for this contract position, there was three people, was one interview, no, two interviews, three people, panel and then second interview as the program director. Listen, these people wanted me bad, honey. They wanted me bad within 24 hours. They wanted me bad and it made sense. The project was amazing. The day rate was amazing. I heard really good things about the organization so I thought, why not? I joined this organization.
Speaker 1:I was introduced to Gabby. Gabby is a commercial contract manager, like me, but she's a perm. The first time I met her, do you know what she said to me? Oh, I would. I didn't have an opportunity to interview you, but you're here now. I know a little like a baby girl. I'm almost 40 years old. This, this one, looks like she just learned how to brush her teeth yesterday. She's a young buck and I'm looking at her thinking you've been here for a year, honey. I'm you. I'm not new to this. I've been in my profession for over 10 years. You've been here for one year, are you okay?
Speaker 1:I will ask her for certain documents these go read my messages on Team Set and ignore me. And the thing is I can't circumvent her because, in order for the project to be handed over to me, it's handed over to me when she's put a line under everything. So I need her to get things over the line so I can have it clean. This guy has been ignoring me for two weeks. One day I called her. I said I asked you for some, so document, bear me in mind. Every time I ask her for something she knows it I take a screenshot. Everybody has a burn folder. She has that one. I have one for her.
Speaker 1:But I don't want anyone to say I didn't deliver, or anyone to say I didn't do, I didn't ask, I didn't. I would just send you the evidence. You're allowed to ignore me. When you're ignoring me, you know what I'm doing watching Married to Medicine or watching Love and Hip-Hop, because I mean, I've not got time to chase you. If I ask you for something, I want to give it to me. Well, I didn't learn that there be a problem is not my problem.
Speaker 1:One day she called me on teams panicking toy. I'm so worried because I realized the deadline for this and I haven't done this and I said okay, I said we'll hand over XYZ to me, I'll get it over the line. She goes, really. I said, yeah, sorted out those documents. It was a mess. Then she called me again last week on team. She says oh, toy, I don't know what I would have done without you. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:I said you're about to ask you for certain documents. When I started I still ain't got none from you. Oh, I've just been snow done. Don't know you haven't been snow done done because, bitch, you know how to call me when you tell me you were drowning, help me, help me. So what she wanted to do is frustrate me. I didn't know the ancestors were frustrating her. Then she had to come on her bended knees to come and ask for help. Right, you stress me, I stress you, you. What you stress me, I'm not. When she went out asking that, maybe she thought she was stressing me. No, because when I ask you so you don't want to give it to me, that means you want to keep it. Yeah, and you know what I've been doing with the program director. Everything I've been delivering. I let her know. I'm delivering it because you're.
Speaker 1:What you're not gonna do is use my work to pass it off as yours. You must be crazy. When you interrupt my piece, I will interrupt yours. You can't come for me, my burn folder stays ready. Come in to tell me hey, I didn't get opportunities to interview you. Who the hell are you bitch? Because if you were that important, you would have been on the interview panel. And are you trying to say, oh, if you're in the panel, then what will happen? Piss off, absolutely piss off. How about that? I have one burn for this, just here for her. Any time she wants to be crazy, I will give her medicine. Anyway, I'm gonna leave it there and what I'm gonna say is I really hope that you continue to learn and grow from the podcast episodes.
Speaker 1:There are very many podcasts and very many learning lessons. It's about whether you choose to invest in your own self-development, career development, strategy development and really understand how empowering is to own and have the power over your own career. Here on the toy talks podcast, it's not just for people in the corporate world, it's for people in the working world. I'm no longer in the corporate world. We teach, guide and educate black women how to navigate the world of work successfully and therefore light up a path of our success. It's the lighting up of the path of success, so you know the direction in which you're going in. Going in circles is not a direction. In order to be strategic, you have to understand the lay of the land, you have to have a focus and you have to have a clear understanding of what you're trying to achieve in your career. That's what we're here to do on the toy talks podcast.
Speaker 1:My name is Toya Washington and if you want to follow me on the toy talks podcast here, I'm on Instagram Toya underscore talks. I'm on tiktok toy underscore Washington. I've got my personal Instagram toy underscore Washington. If you have a work related or life related dilemma, email us at hello at toytalkscom. My name is Toya Washington and, even though I have a throat infection and I have conjunctivitis, I will stay on this journey with you, if you choose to stay on this journey with me. My name is Toya Washington and you have been listening to the Toya Talks podcast.