Toya Talks
Hot Topics: Ressa Tessa | Wendy Williams and Porsha Williams Gurbodia
From the viral tales of Ressa Tessa on TikTok to the tumultuous life lessons from the Wendy Williams documentary, we take an unflinching look at the importance of recognising red flags and holding true to our values in the quest for love and fulfilment.
Navigating the dating world can often feel like a high stakes game where knowing oneself is both the board and the prize. This episode is a candid reflection on the societal pressures to conform, the complexities of culture and societies view on relationships, and the mental health repercussions of a lonely heart's decisions. We analyse Ressa Tessa's viral mini-series as a cautionary tale, and I share my personal experiences to underscore the perils of compromising happiness to satisfy external expectations. Through these poignant stories, we grasp the profound impact our choices have on our lives and the quiet strength it takes to start again.
As I advocate for the power of transparency and the necessity of setting boundaries, especially in the realm of social media, we also dive into the emotional and legal entanglements that can arise from a lack of financial clarity in relationships. Portia Williams-Gubordia's alleged filing for divorce serves as a stark reminder to us all to remain informed, and don't shy away from the crucial conversations.
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www.toyatalks.com
https://toyatalks.com/
From the viral tales of Ressa Tessa on TikTok to the tumultuous life lessons from the Wendy Williams documentary, we take an unflinching look at the importance of recognising red flags and holding true to our values in the quest for love and fulfilment.
Navigating the dating world can often feel like a high stakes game where knowing oneself is both the board and the prize. This episode is a candid reflection on the societal pressures to conform, the complexities of culture and societies view on relationships, and the mental health repercussions of a lonely heart's decisions. We analyse Ressa Tessa's viral mini-series as a cautionary tale, and I share my personal experiences to underscore the perils of compromising happiness to satisfy external expectations. Through these poignant stories, we grasp the profound impact our choices have on our lives and the quiet strength it takes to start again.
As I advocate for the power of transparency and the necessity of setting boundaries, especially in the realm of social media, we also dive into the emotional and legal entanglements that can arise from a lack of financial clarity in relationships. Portia Williams-Gubordia's alleged filing for divorce serves as a stark reminder to us all to remain informed, and don't shy away from the crucial conversations.
Sponsorships - Email me: hello@toyatalks.com
TikTok: toya_washington
Twitter: @toya_w (#ToyaTalksPodcast)
Snapchat: @toyawashington
Instagram: @toya_washington & @toya_talks
www.toyatalks.com
https://toyatalks.com/
I'm not embarrassed about anything I went through. What may be tea for you is a testimony for me. If you're gonna talk about what broke me, invite me to the table so I can tell you what I did with the pieces. And that was posted on Instagram by Healing Vibes Company. Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Toy and Toy.
Speaker 1:I interrupt the usual bi-weekly schedule to provide you with an impromptu podcast episode. I have received several requests to do a podcast episode about Ressa Tessa on TikTok, which is a 52-part mini series, and there was one lady in particular reached out to me and she gave me context in which she, you know, would want to hear me talk about it in terms of being of a certain age I mean, you know, maybe not settling down, but wanting to have kids and stuff like that and it just hasn't happened. And then Ressa Tessa being in a situation where she openly admits that she just wanted to be in a relationship and she wanted all those things, so she ignored major flashing, effervescent red lights. And also, as well, I want to take the opportunity to also discuss Portia Williams, or Portia Williams-Goboria, because I think it plays into the common themes of what this episode is going to be, and also the recent documentary that was released by Lifetime, and it's a Wendy Williams documentary, and I want to talk about it because, honestly, again, it kind of feeds into the underlying themes of this podcast episode. So before I get started, I actually want to say something.
Speaker 1:I'm really straightforward, I'm direct. I come here bi-weekly, previously every week. I share, I guide, I teach, I draw up my own experiences, I share some of your, your dilemmas, anonymously. I also post on my Instagram, quite active on my Instagram. I also post videos on TikTok and I'm gonna say this I give back to my community because I know that it's my purpose to do so and I'll continue to do it until the ancestors tell me to stop, until it comes to an end and all good things come to an end, and I'm open for that. No issue.
Speaker 1:I am very guarded as a person with my private life. I share what I think is pertinent but, like my daughter, for example, I don't. I haven't shared her name, haven't shared her face. She's off limits and there are boundaries that are put in place not to just protect me, to also protect my family.
Speaker 1:On the flip side of that, over familiarity is gonna get you dragged and cussed. And I'm gonna say this because, just because I post on social media and just because you have the ability to send me a DM, be guided. Because, above it all, I'm very tired. Yeah, I'm a first-time mother and we do in the first year of motherhood and many more years to come, but I'm still acclimatizing to what is my new normal, balancing that with motherhood, life, wife and all of that stuff. So when you come into my DMs over familiar and you talk in a way that I don't like, I'm going to give you opportunity to stop and then I'm gonna cast you out and I'm gonna block you the fuck out, because I'm tired of people feeding like because you're on social media, they know you, you don't fucking know me, you don't know me. And the ability to DM someone is because of social media and don't ever get it twisted. I'm growing very sick and tired of Instagram, so we are on a countdown until I remove myself from there.
Speaker 1:But I'm very clear to you all I'm not dependent on social media for any form of income. I don't care for it. I'm not like your influences, who depend on social media as a revenue stream, hence why their old invoices from like six years ago, still can't claim it because they're worried. If they talk about it on social media, they get blackboard or the social media goes down. Now they won't eat and they want to find other revenue streams. That doesn't solely depend on not all of them, some of them. That doesn't solely depend on social media. So then they're having to pander to bullshit bullshit in social media, bullshit in their DMs. I'm none of those people. So what that means is I operate on a level of autonomy, and that level of frequency means that when you come with shit, I'm gonna come with my shit. Both our shit go mix shit and I'm gonna block your shit. So stop it.
Speaker 1:And I'm being very pointed about this because I feel like some people don't know boundaries in their own life and with themselves. But you're gonna fucking respect mine, do you understand? I've worked too damn hard, I've been through too much, so just entertain it because you feel like you know me or you feel familiar, or because you think you can. Neither of those things apply with me. Okay, I do what I do because I'm walking in my purpose, but I'm telling you right now. You make me uncomfortable, step on my toes or make me feel away, and I'll tell you about yourself, because maybe you don't have anyone to tell you about yourself. I will be that person for you. I will be a bitch for you that day. But don't try me.
Speaker 1:I am battling with chronic fatigue. I'm ill every five to ten business days and I'm not here to then entertain shit on top of it by anybody. You may not like me. I can't cash or bank your like. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. If you don't like me, call. If you like me, call. I listen the people, please. And days are have gone years ago. Then don't exist anymore and I'm not here to pander for your likes, because your likes don't do shit for me.
Speaker 1:Like, if you understand my personality and what I have shared about my personality, you'll know how to operate. I'm fair, I'm balanced, I'm straightforward and I accept that not everyone's gonna like me, and that is okay, and you need me to be concerned about your like, but I'm not. But what you are not gonna do is police me when I post on social media or you're not gonna do is zoom to my DMs and make me feel as though I have to answer to you, because that's not gonna happen Now, if you want to come in my DMs as a community to talk, yeah, I'm open, like if I'm free I talk or whatever. But you're not gonna come here to come and kind of police me on what I post or start asking me to offer explanation about why I think the way I think. I don't have to explain how I think it's how I fucking think you post on your social media. I'm not policing you.
Speaker 1:Let's just enjoy social media content and this is why I prefer TikTok to Instagram, because I feel like Instagram. There is something very over familiar about it in a way that I don't think is with TikTok and I don't know what it is, maybe because of the news site. So the conventional social media aesthetic doesn't necessarily apply to TikTok. So people are less, but I mean people leave their comments, but they're less. I don't know. You can just be a bit more freeing yourself. Then I feel like you can do on Instagram.
Speaker 1:But I'm saying all of this to say if you enjoy my content, fantastic, you share it, amazing. But I'm just past that stage in my life whereby I know that I don't need to concern myself with things that don't concern me. So stop concerning yourself with having to be concerned about measuring it or having to justify my comments or anything I post on my DMs, and that also applies to my views about white fragility and stuff like that. I have white friends and if they have a problem with what I say then they can fuck off, because the reality is we're living in a society that isn't fair, isn't equitable, and I'm trying to navigate and understand how to navigate and teaching the learnings, and part of that is having to speak about white racial constructs that are there to oppress. So any white person knows me or non-black person knows me and is offended by that, I can't help you and I don't want to help you. That's not my, my, my, my, my, my preoccupation, because you're not concerned about my oppression. You know it's a concern about my experiences or the black experience. You don't give a fuck. You care about your black squares when it becomes profitable or it's shoved in your face, but you don't care about having constructive conversations that can affect change. When you're in influential positions to affect change, you don't give a fuck. So if I want to speak about what rock white fragility and white constructs, if I want to speak about colonialism, if I want to want to speak about racism and its impacts, especially on black women in within my community. That is my prerogative to do so. I will be damned if we're having to find strategies in the workplace and then one has to tiptoe outside of the workplace just to make you feel comfortable. So I know so many people of different races, backgrounds, in my social circle and any one of them that has a problem with my content doesn't have to listen. But what you're not gonna do is have me sit here to justify I don't, it's not gonna happen. So, yeah, you know, I have people, I have white friends, and they are very aware of my views and we can have healthy discussions. But if you are uncomfortable with my views because they don't align with yours, then I can't help you with that. So let's move on.
Speaker 1:So Ressa Tessa is a 52 part mini series on TikTok and it basically is a black lady that comes on and she shares with us how the fuck she who the fuck did she marry? And that's the hashtag and that's what it's called who the fuck did I marry? And she basically shares with us how she met this guy during lockdown and effectively how she ignored every red flag so that she could live out her wants and desires to be married and have a child. And what transpires is the rollercoaster of a toxic, false, falsified relationship. And she realizes, basically, that everything she has known of him since the moment she met him was a lie. And she takes us on the journey of when they first met their first date, look down and to the present day.
Speaker 1:And she shares as well, just like a lot of her thought process in the moment of things happening, and she's very honest and very candid, in a way that I think is really beautiful, about feeling that she had no choice because she wanted to have what she had desired and she wanted to be in a relationship and she wanted to start realizing those desires, and she felt that she had to therefore compromise on what she knew to be red flags, and she would often, I would say, give herself a sound check by recording her thoughts in the moment and playing it back to herself. And then there's a penultimate situation that happens where she just ultimately loses it, kicks him out and she basically says I'm done and she has since divorced him. And you know one thing about social media they go filed. You, honey, they have found him. He has denied it all. And one thing I'm gonna say is I believe everything. Rest her. Tiktok is called, rest her, tessar from color. Rest her. I believe everything she has said. So I don't think she has a reason to lie.
Speaker 1:And also as well, I think she's very candid about her own complicity in her situation and how complicity was and her thought process on why and I think it's a cautionary tale of feeling the pressures of society and the self-pressure to be married and or have children and to live that life that you feel you want, desire, deserve, and also observe it happening around you and what you're prepared and the length you're prepared to go to to obtain it, maintain it and also as well, like how far or what you are able to tolerate when you know something is no good for you. And somebody sent me a message and basically said you know, there comes a point where you get to a certain age and you think is this really gonna happen for me? And you think what are you willing to compromise to make it happen? I'm gonna sit him and say to you, as someone who was single for a very long time especially if you've been following me for a really long time you know my journey. I even depicted my dating journey as well, which I will be sharing on TikTok. I'm inspired to now being married.
Speaker 1:I've got married when I was I want to say 36, 37. I want to say 37, yeah, 36, 37. I got married during lockdown, officially married I did my trad last year and I understand how that feels, especially like there was a point I remember being signal and come single and coming home to no one. So if, if I was coming home, nobody would ask where I was because I was living on my own and I wasn't dating, I wasn't in the relationship and I felt the pressure of loneliness in my singleness. And I feel like people don't really talk about that because for most of us we don't want to be lonely. But then the balance is what? You willing to compromise or are you willing to compromise to avoid loneliness? And I think ultimately, ressa was lonely for a really long time and she put a lot of emphasis on dating and people will love one bomb you or assess you could be a, meet somebody who's unhealthy for you and they'll assess your wanting and I don't I don't like using the word desperate, but you're wanting to almost near the point of desperation to be in a relationship and somebody will either want that to or manipulate it, and in Ressa's case that's what happened.
Speaker 1:I think it's also important to point out like a couple of things. The first is I don't think Ressa woke up one morning and was like I'm gonna date the first guy that comes my way, but I think that she was so low in self-esteem that the bar and she was like so low in self-esteem that the barter entry was no anyway. So I don't think he would have had to do that much for her to be impressed because the bar and the consideration of self was very low. I think Ressa was also battling with her own internal self-esteem and the pressure around her of possibly seeing friends and just maybe feeling like there's a race against time. So if there is a race against time, you want to win right, and becoming so intoxicated by wanting to have what she desired that she almost sacrificed her life to do it.
Speaker 1:I say sacrifice her life, I mean be miserable, regretful, and I can only imagine how she felt, especially when she was near in the point of which she was like okay, I don't want to be this person anymore. How do I get out of this? Because those elements of the story that she tells and she talks about her family and not wanting to feel shame and say face and things like that and not wanting to look like a fool or feel judged and I feel like there's a lot of people who are dating in relationships and have sustained those relationships even they did just don't look like a fool. I think the same can be said for marriages. I think some people stay in marriages because they know it's done but they don't wanna look a fool or they don't want to have to start again. So it's like okay, well, I'll just stay here where it's familiar, and happiness is put in the back burner. And I'm gonna put something to you. If you only live once and you put happiness in the back burner, you're making a choice to be miserable and sad and in that case you can't really complain. You just have to live with those choices that you've decided to make. But life is too short Blood, sweat, tears and toil. To just be miserable and have that as a life choice is a life wasted, a life unfulfilled and a life dissatisfied. I feel I don't wanna spoil the story for anybody, but there was. I just wanna give highlights of a message that I was sent and I was sent a few messages, but this one was quite poignant and she says she says I know that your podcast focuses predominantly on how to navigate as a black woman in the workplace, but as a Nigerian woman, that will, a Nigerian woman nearing her forties this year I'm not married and I have no children.
Speaker 1:I'm constantly being told that I should just find someone to settle down with as I'm getting old. That lady found herself, as in Ressa found herself in that situation because she wanted to be married and have a family. So she ignored all the red flags and just settled so she could say she was married. I think a lot of women do this and end up miserable just so they can say that they were married. I also think it like there's somebody that I know of and I didn't realize during the course of our friendship how desperate she was to be in a relationship that would then progress to marriage, and I didn't realize. I thought she was just dating and living her best life. I always encouraged her to and I said to her dating is so.
Speaker 1:It depends how you focus your mind about dating, but dating is actually an opportunity for you to also date yourself and also start to kind of shortlist what you are willing to accept, what you want and what you're not willing to accept, because you know you deserve more. And if dating is done correctly, you should be dating multiple people and it should be sexless. I always said that to her. Well, sex, I think, complicates things, because I don't necessarily think women have the ability to be unemotional and not associate emotions with sex. I don't, personally. I don't, because I think women are more more so not all more so emotional creatures. So sex I don't understand how could be done with free of emotion. I just don't think so. And I think sex convolutes and clouds your judgment about how you view someone. And if you're in the dating stage, I think that you should allow yourself the opportunity to just date, and that's if you're dating with intention, because I feel like there's different types of dating. There's dating just to have sex with multiple partners and there's dating to just see how things go, and there's dating with intention to find the person you want to marry and that's. And all three of those types of dating are perfectly fine, but it depends on what you want and how you want those things to happen.
Speaker 1:I think even when I dated and I've shared this before it was really important for me to date, cause I didn't even know what the dating scene was like. I was afraid of dating and I met a lot of no's. And then, when I met Kay, for somebody who was always very resistant to be labeled to follow up on certain dates, for somebody who was very new to dating and new to dating without the support of my dad, when I met Kay and he was very intentional, I didn't even fight it because I understood that he was being intentional about what he wanted and he was being confident, in a way that I would be, about certain parts of my life outside of dating. When I've dated enough, I felt to trust my own judgment. And that's the point I feel like when you don't date enough, it's very difficult to develop an understanding of dating and it's very difficult to understand what you're willing to accept from somebody. If you don't date properly, you're having to assess quite quickly whether you're aligned spiritually, psychologically, emotionally, if you share the same shared values and, in dating, if you are seeing certain habits that you can deal with, how their family and cultural background shapes them.
Speaker 1:Even for me, I dated to understand race as well. I predominantly grew up in a black community. Tottenham was a very much a black dominant community. When I was growing up and when I was dating, I dated different people from different racial backgrounds and I realized that I was not settled down with a white man. I was settled down with an Asian man and then I realized I do not want to settle down with a non-black man because for me on a very personal level, I didn't see how I could. I was so. I was so in my blackness in terms of understanding legacy and understanding the history of my blackness, and I just physically did not find men that were non-black attractive. And that was quite significant, because then what I had done is I had shrunk and shortlisted my options and I was fine with that.
Speaker 1:I personally did not find white men attractive. I don't find them attractive. There's no attraction there, and that was okay too. And then I whittled it down even further and I was like I find African black men attractive. Again, if you don't go through the dating process, how are you gonna know what you like and what you don't like? But I dated, I went on dates with men or different backgrounds and races and that was okay. But for me and understanding what I wanted and what would make me happy, that's how I dated with intention to discover. And then it was the intention then to meet someone who it would possibly lead into a marriage or I could see myself marrying. So then when I dated Kay, it was very clear to me because I had done what I needed to do as part of my dating shortlisting.
Speaker 1:In the beginning of the day I did compromise myself because there were certain people that had red flags, but I didn't go as far as Ressa because there'd be a couple of red flag that I felt like I could just be just further exploring and then when I realized that these are waist connects, I was out. But I think part of that is also because I dated with my defense sister anyway and I think with Ressa. The difference that and what I do kind of empathize with is it was during lockdown. So lockdown was very lonely for people who were single and I had a lot of single friends and they were telling me that and I fully understand it, because you're with yourself day in, day out, irrespective of what type of job you may or may not have. The reality is you're sitting with yourself and realizing it's just you and that could be a very lonely place. So dating then becomes escapism and under the circumstances of a lockdown you are going to ignore red flags because you may attribute some of the red flags you'll see into a circumstance of a pandemic, which is not far fetched to think. But then when you now living with someone and compromising your own moral values, then that becomes concerning because it's like, okay, when you draw the line With Ressa, I think that there was a lot of mental health and split personality and there was a way the guy was behaving her.
Speaker 1:I just didn't understand how far he was willing to go and I think the way she dealt with him was fantastic in terms of how she would confront him or how she would kind of deal with the lies and, in a way, the apartment that I thought how sad was this man be to live the life he's living at his age and think that everyone's stupid enough to fall for everything he's saying. That's a sad existence, especially when there's a part where he's trying to find someone to stay because she's kicked him out and no one has anything nice to say about him. So he starts living in his car and she didn't realize he'd be living in his car. She met up with him to sign the divorce papers and he's smelling like garbage, that she realizes he's been sleeping in his car but yet he's still lying and saying that he's going to a friend's house.
Speaker 1:That level of loneliness and that level of needing to lie is a really sad state of affairs and it was for the first time that I actually felt pity. I did because I thought mentally where must you be in your mind that you're still? You could literally have your head in a bin and you would basically tell people that you're just looking for something when you lost your ring that cost 90 grand and really you're looking for food. And that was sad for me. When I listened to her, I felt really sad but I felt really encouraged by Ressa in terms of how she's processed everything she shared about her miscarriage and that was just so sad. But she also shares that. She knows that in a way, had she have had that baby, things would have been completely different, as in a bad way. And she also shares that. She recognizes that she didn't make the right decisions and, although there were red flags, she could have acted quicker or she could have removed herself, but I think, even for her, I think she needed to go through this process as reaffirming who she is and being able to see the worst part of dating and, whilst it's quite extreme because she ended up marrying him, she's learned from this and there's still a beauty in her spirit that I see that hasn't been killed by this situation, where she is using it as an opportunity to share.
Speaker 1:She has gone viral, like when I say viral on viral on viral on viral. So I'm just trying to see how many followers she now has I don't know how many followers she has before and her truth telling skills, her storytelling skills, are amazing, absolutely amazing. She's her storytelling skills. She's on 3.2 million followers. Her storytelling skills and her ability to be concise and people are trying to poke holes in her story. But when someone's telling you the truth, you know.
Speaker 1:And yeah, I had other questions, but they weren't significant to change my view about why I was here. I didn't care whether I knew the answers or not, but I'm definitely gonna recommend going to listen and watch on TikTok, because I think there's something you can learn about things about yourself. Whether you're in a relationship or not, whether you're married or not, there's still something to learn there about as humans our ability to walk towards red flags rather than walk away, and our ability to sacrifice ourself for the sake of wanting to tick a tick box or for the sake of wanting to be able to just say me too. I don't think I finished off what I was saying. I had a friend.
Speaker 1:I didn't know how much she wanted to be married Until I saw her desperation in a way that really shocked me, and she went on now to get married and she was married in rapid time. When I say rapid, rapid time and she's just so happy to be married, she does not call him by his name, she calls him my husband, and it's quite significant because that was her sole objective for years and as a friend I didn't realize that Because she was always going and doing amazing things. I didn't know that that was something that was so important to her at the back of her mind. So when I was in my relationship, she would often ask how does it feel to be in a relationship? And I never understood what do you mean? How does it feel Is? What do you mean? How does it feel to be in a relationship? You've been in a relationship before. But what she really was asking me is how does it feel to be in a relationship with somebody you know you're gonna marry? Because I think she discounted herself. So I don't think my friend did extensive due diligence.
Speaker 1:I don't think this person fully understands the responsibility of marriage. She just wanted the title and there's nothing wrong with that on its own, and I can't judge her because who am I? I don't judge anybody. They don't want no one judging me. I'm not judging anyone. I do feel sorry for her because her whole identity is that she has a husband and there's gonna come a time when she's gonna ask herself who she, who am I outside of this, or if they have an argument that seems so bad in her mind, she, she may be caused to ask herself certain questions. And I will continuously say that until you start doing the work on yourself and and these are things I learned it's just like doing the work on myself.
Speaker 1:Until I was okay with accepting my flaws as a person, until I had a greater self-worth and self-esteem, I was never gonna date somebody. That was right for me, because I would need someone to also be a supporter and a cheerleader for me when I'm not being my own cheerleader. I would also need somebody to see past the defences and look like and see me, and I would also need someone to be a provider, because I was so used to just always given that I didn't want to feel used, no more, so I needed to have a relationship. So when I did the work on myself and I started to go in the journey of doing the work, that's when I met Kay. So I feel like Kate got, got a nice part of me, and then the rest is history and I'm not gonna say marriage is easy, because it's not.
Speaker 1:I was, you know. I saw my parents are married. When my dad died there was. You know they were married and I know what healthy relationship looks like and I know having a two-parent family, what that did for me in terms of how I viewed life and relationships and how the foundation was set for me and how that has then transferred into the expectations that I have in my own relationship and the shared views that Kay and I do have, and this shared humor as well, because you're gonna need a lot of humor in a marriage, but I take it every day, because there are ups and there's downs, especially for Kay. He was marrying someone who had mental health issues when my dad died, dealing with my family, obviously the trauma of my child, like giving birth to my child. So Kay has seen that side as well and I'm just so grateful that he works with me to try and work through some of those issues outside of therapy, when we're now living and are together as a couple. But collectively we have a lot of fun and I feel like I am a wife, but I am Toya first, because that's who I was before. I was a wife and then I'm a mom and then I'm everything else. I'm.
Speaker 1:Maintaining my identity was very important. I had I not established my identity and had a firm grasp on my identity when I was dating, going into a marriage, I could have just lost myself. So I feel like the message in here is also to understand who you are and when you're walking in the wilderness of life, it's really difficult to figure out who you are and where you stand in life and what role you're supposed to play in in in society and what you're supposed to be. But I feel like if you understand it on your own journey and you take the time to understand and go on the journey of self-discovery, you will learn so much about yourself that you never know new existed. But you will become reassured on who you are so that when you are in a relationship or when you are in situations that lock your confidence, you're able to rebuild quite quickly. You're able to put boundaries in place to secure the part of you that you hold so dear. So, yeah, that's kind of my view on the whole.
Speaker 1:Rest of Tessa is it was I've really enjoyed listening to her and her ability to story tell, but I felt really sad for her too because and you know, it's very clear that it's gonna affect her ability to date in the future. But I feel like she will be cautious and protective of who she is while they just give herself so freely and under balance, and I think it's a completely bad thing and there's a lot of healing she has to go through too, because she went through a lot and I respect the fact that she's willing to just be like. This is what I went through, this is where I was complicit and this is where I'm doing the work and I love that for her. So I am currently, as I'm sure, when a lot of you are watching the Lifetime premiere of when is Wendy and effectively, it's a documentary about Wendy Williams from the perspective of her loved ones, about what's been happening today in terms of her health and effectively asking the question where is she? Just very high level.
Speaker 1:She's under court appointed guardianship and this court appointed guardianship it was the catalyst was Wells Fargo, which is a wealth management bank. It's the UK equivalent to Coots. I don't really like Coots. It's very pretentious bank that Wells Fargo is effectively the same in how they operate for the wealthy, and they were uncomfortable, concerned and about the way in which Wendy's money was being spent by her son and initiated court proceedings in which the court appointed an independent guardian to not just manage her money but also her health and personal affairs and matters affecting Wendy Williams, and this is excluding the family, though it's the court appointed individual who is a persuasory and independent of everybody, and I'm not even gonna start with Wells Fargo, because I have concerns with somebody who is extravagant in the way they spend and then spend a hundred thousand on Uber via her son. It's not far-fetched for what we've been able to see from Wendy Williams.
Speaker 1:I think that attiring health and concerns about her mental health probably was the catalyst. Why Wells Fargo? But again, it's something that's reviewed yearly and I'm just trying to understab because apparently the documents are sealed as to. It must have been a combination of something, because it's just found it finding very far-fetched that she then spends a hundred K on her son for his birthday, for example. He's an only child, like Wendy's on various occasions shared what she spent on him, but also she's gone as far as saying this is my baby, like I'm gonna do everything is for him. She says it in the documentary as well. So I don't get that. And I think that Wendy Williams has a lot of hang hang hangarons and they've all paid. Everyone around us paid. The manager, who was once a jeweler, is not her manager. What exactly are you managing, sir? Because there is no show. What is very clear and evident is Wendy Williams is in a very, very poor state of health. She is going through a lot in terms of her health. She has is it lymphedermia or lymph, I can't remember the full name and then it was recently confirmed that she has dementia and a few other medical conditions as well. That is affecting her behavior, her personal appearance and her ability to think and make life decisions or any type of form of decision that affects her life.
Speaker 1:And for those of us who have followed Wendy Williams for a really long time, wendy Williams was a key part of my my 20s. I would watch her either when I was off work ill put in a seat, because I did a few of that in my 20s or just before work and I would literally watch hot topics and everything else from Wendy. I actually had an opportunity to go to the audience. You know, when I was then I was going to New York every year and that one year I got to go and I never actually went. I was just too busy shopping. I don't have time for this and I really, really wish I had gone. I do, but I did. I didn't do that and I'm older and wiser now. I would have gone. Of course I would have gone.
Speaker 1:I think the ultimate catalyst in my humble opinion, the ultimate catalyst to the downward spiral of Wendy, I think, was her husband and the demise of that relationship. He was basically cheated on her. She effectively paid for his whole life. He was managing her effectively. They were running a business together. That was her world, he. She loved him and he was her protector and it's it's. It's a statement that is made in every documentary about Wendy Williams. There is a point where they talk about the husband as being her protector. He ends up having an affair, buys this woman a house, cars, whatever all with Wendy's money, by the way and he has a baby with this woman and at that point, when he decides to divorce him, I definitely see the correlation between that divorce and initiating of that divorce and the direct downward trajectory of her health, because it got significantly worse. But I think what's really sad about this whole thing is me and my friend were talking and she is in the TV industry, so it was actually really interesting talking to her and how the industry works in terms of daytime television. And no one from the production team of Wendy Williams wanted to join this documentary. Norman, who was literally going bar for bars, sparring, laughing, joking, everything they were so close on TV didn't say a word. Suzanne, who was her producer nothing.
Speaker 1:I have seen quotes online, but I wanted people to step in front of the camera and to be counted. And you know I learn because we'll continue the rest of this. You know I learn people ain't shit, and it's not that I learned it for the first time. It reinforced what I really knew people ain't shit, so that when the guy was high, ever was there laughing, joking, talking shit, and now that it's no, no one, no one.
Speaker 1:There are parts of the documentary that are uncomfortable, especially when Wendy becomes quite verbally abusive to like her makeup artist, her nail tech, and she's always been very cut. That's part of her persona and I believe that is actually part of her personality. But the level of aggression is too much and it's too much because I don't think we need. I don't think we needed to see that. There's definitely a fine balance between giving the facts and kind of being very open and almost being quite shocking in your delivery, especially about Wendy Williams, and I get that. But there is a part where people then quite negatively in the comments on social media, have spoken about the words karma and quite negatively about what Wendy's going through, and I think you can't stop people from saying or speaking how they want to speak, right, but Wendy Williams was operating in her purpose. She was iconic, she was getting under the hood of a lot of people in social media and in the media world and, yeah, she was make uncle, she would make you know uncomfortable conversations or have uncomfortable conversations and speak about things, but that was her job. I think that's what people are not trying to understand or glean. That was her job and she did it really well.
Speaker 1:In fact, before you had the podcast, before you had the blogs, there was Wendy Williams and she was just so do you know what it is? I loved about her her car crash wardrobe and wigs and I loved the. I loved the drama of it all with her and then I loved her ability to just narrate how she thought and how she would hold some of the guests to task and, even though they would be irritated by her and her questions, there was this respect that they had for her and I think it's because Wendy always came from the position of if I'm not gonna tell it the way I'm gonna tell it, someone else is gonna tell it the way they're gonna tell it and I and she just stood in her uniqueness. She needs to start off Wendy Williams on TV. She started off on the radio and to see that progression is amazing and to know it is amazing that, equally, to see this side is really sad and there were different points of the documentary because it's a I think it's a four, four part documentary.
Speaker 1:I was in tears. And I was in tears because there was something when they said at the beginning of the documentary and it rains through every part of, pulsates through every part of the documentary and she said you know she talks about what she's going through and wills Wells Fargo. And she said you all could be me. And I thought that was so poignant because we all could be her. You know, you could be the person that is severely heartbroken and finds some set of comfort through alcohol. You could be the person whose heart is completely ripped out because your partner stepped out on you. And this is the partner who you saw as your protector, your business partner, your everything.
Speaker 1:All she wanted to is to be famous and that in itself I thought was quite ironic and I thought it was quite problematic. But when she said it because I was like being famous can't be all you ever wanted to be. Now I look behind the hood of that and I'm like okay, but what else? What sits behind? Now is more to fame than just being famous. The five percent I had, a fame I hated. There are stories I could tell to you about fame in Nigeria, for example, and the pursuit of that fame and people feeling like they had access to you because of the trajectory of where you wanted to go.
Speaker 1:There was one situation I shared with one of my friends and I said I was in Nigeria, been sent over by a TV production company in Nigeria to cover some red carpets and a couple of shows, right, and they were developing a certain part of their business, so it lent itself to my skillset, right. So what no one knew is I was dating a musician at the time and we'd been together for almost a year and he would go back and forth from here to Nigeria and I would, and during this time it would happen that we were both in Nigeria at the same time. Anyway, he was in my hotel room and we were just like talking, tidying up, because a few days later I was due to leave and it was quite late at night and there was this big knock at the door and it was somebody that I know quite well who had actually joined me through another production company for these events, but it was quite late. We'd come back, we'd all come back from a show, basically, and you could tell he was inebriated, drunk and he was trying to force his way into my room. What he didn't know is I was with my boyfriend at the time. The door was locked and at his base I'd have you got someone in there. Why were you open the door? And he's like now.
Speaker 1:I thought to myself, if that door was unlocked, if my boyfriend at the time wasn't there and I'd just open the door because I'd have no reason to not, not like I didn't open it because he was there, but I just didn't see why I was open the door at gone past midnight. He could have forced himself with me and attempted to rape me and I'm fully saying that with my chest. He would have forced himself with me because the level of aggression plus the alcohol and the way he tried to kick down that door was mad. Even when boyfriend at the time was like I'm gonna open this door, like he kept saying I'm gonna open the door, like no, no, no, no, no. He was shocked. He was so shell shocked because the guy didn't know that my boyfriend at time was behind the door. He had no clue and I never, ever, ever, shared with the person who bashed the door, tried to bash the door in, and my boyfriend was there or that I even had a boyfriend, because I didn't feel like I had to share that, but it was becoming very apparent how toxic, you know, the African entertainment industry was at the time.
Speaker 1:I don't know if it's still that way, but then also being on Big Brother and seeing the toxicity here in the UK and it's very, in my opinion, very dangerous for somebody who maybe doesn't have the fortitude of mind or a strong team that genuinely wants that person to win. The entertainment industry can be a very lonely, toxic and dangerous place and I just don't understand why Wendy Williams has a publicist, for example, and these people all being paid by William. They're all being paid by Wendy, so they're all on her payroll. So when we talk about guardianship and protecting her assets and her money, I don't see why you're paying money for a publicist when Wendy Williams is very clearly has several medical conditions that render her unable to continue with the Wendy Williams brand as we knew it, as we know it. Do you understand?
Speaker 1:I personally think Wendy Williams would be amazing for podcasting, but now, in the era of video podcasting, I think she needs to do the podcast about, take it back to radio days, but that's not where we are at in society. Now it's all about video, but I don't think she's ready for all of that. Personally, I don't think she's ready for any of it. But if she were to start remembering and start getting better, if she's able to because there is that discussion to be had about alcohol abuse that's been going on for years that has allegedly triggered the dementia or triggered other mental health issues, I don't know if Wendy Williams has enough in place to be in a position where we would see a return of Wendy Williams, because Wendy Williams as we know her is gone like this is now a rebranded Wendy Williams. That could possibly happen, but it's not going to happen today.
Speaker 1:Why do you have a publicist? What are you publicizing, sis? I don't get it, my friend. Today she was like oh, she needs a manager and a PA, that's it. I feel like she's being used and fun as she abused, in my opinion, and I just don't know what the Guardian's doing. I just don't get it. And she's been removed from her family, effectively, as in New York. All her family is in Miami, florida. Her only son has been effectively allegedly cut off financially. I just don't get this. So clearly we're missing something.
Speaker 1:My friend makes the point and Big Kev, her ex-husband, was not interviewed and, irrespective of what happened to the demise of their relationship, he is quite significant and plays a very key role in Wendy's life and where it is now. And it's not about holding him accountable for their divorce, because that's between him and Wendy, but talk to us like what's going on, like you know even his motives as well, because he wanted spousal support and it's like, come on, bro, like it's just wild. But I will say that anybody who was enamored by Wendy Williams, inspired, influenced and would watch her. I think it makes for an interesting watch of the documentary. But you will be shocked because there were moments where I was gasped and I was like really understanding the full extent of what's going on with Wendy Williams is actually quite upsetting because she's not getting any better. She just appears to be getting worse. I'm just wondering, out what stage does somebody step in? Yeah, I just don't get it. I just I don't.
Speaker 1:But equally as well, it makes you realize how codependent she was on her husband. And codependent, you know, it's really strange because if you take codependency and you remove it, the negative connotation, it's not a bad thing it becomes bad when you actually are so codependent that you can't depend on yourself. In my books, secondly, I felt quite triggered because of so many things. One thing that's because to mind is that being codependent, I never want to be that person that is so codependent. But when this person lets you down, your whole world comes crashing down. And finding that balance between being present without being unhealthily codependent and still being independent and so she's like I'm married, so that I'm married to my best friend I can never, ever be the level of codependent that, say, some of our parents were back in the day. I can't do that. There's other watch so many people fall and be crushed by the that codependence.
Speaker 1:And also for me personally, I had an aunt that was codependent and she sacrificed so much to be in this relationship with this man and she loved him so much. She lived for him. She found out he had a whole different life in Nigeria. After marrying him here, he took everything from her and I mean everything and she died quite prematurely. She was in her 40s when she died and I was always told she died of heartbreak. She was a healthy woman. Her life, a health, deteriorated when she found out and had to divorce her husband because she didn't know him. And that has guided my whole life, because my aunt, my auntie Kate, would be here today and she was a lovely woman. I remember her as being just such a beautiful woman and she wanted to settle down and have kids and she did. She got to settle down, not realising that she's not having kids, but he's got three or four kids back home living a completely different life, like filtering all her money back home, stripped her of everything, went back to his wife back home. That's mad and that makes me sad. It makes me so sad.
Speaker 1:So make sure you go ahead and have a look at that documentary about Wendy Williams and I'm sure you'll share your thoughts on the Ems, which I don't mind, by the way, but it'll be interesting to hear everybody's thoughts, especially if you were a big fan of Wendy Williams, watched her, influenced by her, enamoured by her a big interest to hear from you. So before we draw this to an end, we have to talk about Portia. Portia Williams, gabbaria has filed for divorce and those of you who watched the Rojas wives of Elan, her Fallon was her friend. Don't mind all this rubbish that they're saying. Fallon was her friend and effectively she met Fallon's husband, who is now Portia Williams' husband. Neither say anymore. Portia likes them only she likes the high life. From what I can see, there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1:But when you do not ask the man that you're about to marry and understand his full source of income, you become complicit in the deceit that will follow. Because, allegedly, a private jet company has allegedly sued her husband, mr Gabbaria, for a breach of contract, effectively not paying his bills. Okay, when someone says you are someone, what they do for a living, they say business man. That's a red flag. For me that's a red flag and, by the grace of almighty god, I am married to a man that works in finance. I see every bank statement, I know how much he makes. I understand all the investments, everything we share, bank statements something his bank statement is left in a room there. Mind you, I need to know. Gone are the days of willful ignorance where you have the ability to ask, check and investigate and you choose not to. So Ressa was that person.
Speaker 1:It looks like Portia was that person and what has since come out is obviously Bravo has basically signed a contract with Portia Williams to return to the Royal House of Atlanta. That's a separate episode. Or you can go to Carlos King's podcast reality with the king, which is amazing and he kind of breaks it all down. But Portia Williams apparently fought for the horse and it was also alleged that Mr Gabbaria because I forgot his first name, I can't remember his name. I'm gonna have to look.
Speaker 1:Portia's husband has been rejected for a US citizenship because of his background and then we found out that he was allegedly and I say allegedly because I actually called documents myself but there are court documents that confirm fraudulent activity in his background that has led to a rejection of US citizenship. Then when that come out, portia fast for divorce. What we all supposed to think? So everyone's like, oh, this is promotion for when she returns to her husband's of Atlanta because they're about to start filming, and that may be true, but what are facts is apparently, in Georgia State, when your husband owes money, you own money, so correct me if I'm wrong here. So if they take him to court and he owes the court, he owes money, and judgment is filed against him, that that life financial liability also becomes Portia Williams ah, all this stuff has come out about her husband and I'm just thinking, portia, when you were having high life in his Costa Rica home.
Speaker 1:We should not look at the back statements. Try to understand source of income. Well, you're not having those pointed questions that are often uncomfortable because I feel like a lot of us deliberately don't ask and have those uncomfortable conversations because we're together the answers. How is it that you see red flags, especially when it comes to finances, because you're unable to ask questions, because somebody has made you feel uncomfortable that you cannot ask questions, but they want you to spend the rest of your natural life with them, or you want to spend your natural life with them. That's mad to me, but if the intentions are working towards a marriage, I, even if I am able to smell your morning breath and your, your body odor, why must I not know what's in that bank statement? What have you got to hide?
Speaker 1:Because what people don't understand is, as soon as you start living together, you become um, what was the word? Those are worth, but you become basically financially related. So now, when they do credit checks and everything, you've got somebody there that pops up and your credit check and your credit file associated. That's it. You become financially associated. So if Kay decides to go and take out alone tomorrow that will affect my credit because we live together, we're the same house together, mate, and we are financial associates. So this, your financial associate and I don't know how it happens in the States, but I'll be surprised if it doesn't happen in the same way but this, your financial associate, that you don't know what's the bank statement, you don't know how many credit cards they have. If they do, you don't know how much they've utilized that credit card. But you're going to get a house with them, but you want to share a life with them. That is fucking crazy to me. That's very wild and mad. And until I understand your financial health, your financial circumstances, how can I get married to you because we're meant to share a life, but we'll share a life minus the bank statements? That's fucking wild. That don't make no sense.
Speaker 1:Even if you're the one that is now financially dependent on him, you should steal or financially dependent on her. It is your job to find out about their finances. Maybe he has a ccj or she has a ccj. You need to know. You need to know if they're financially abusing money. You need to understand where their money is going. You need to know how much is coming into your house. Believe me, I've seen a lot, you know. I've seen a lot in my life and this whole I didn't know.
Speaker 1:But you're in a relationship full blown married, or just in a long-term relationship, co-hibiting and you say you didn't know. You become complicit if it works out that he's taking his money from drugs and you are now enjoying these money. You're enjoying the proceeds of crime. You'll, you'll, you'll face the charge together. If you don't know, let me help you to understand. You can't bury your head. It doesn't work like this, and those of you who bury their heads wake up to nightmares. That's the truth. But nobody's ready to have that discussion. Can you see how? The whole? Portia Gabbardia, wendy Williams and Ressa Tessa can you see the common themes between all three of these? There is never, ever going to be a time when there's a perfect situation. But, by god, black women, come on now. We're gonna have to shine our eyes because we've been living in the darkness and nothing goes happening in the daco. You have to shine your eyes.
Speaker 1:Um, I knew someone who has such low self-esteem that when she met this guy he had a bit of money right and and this girl she loves money. She can't make any for herself, she can't take herself her financial debt, she can't pay her rent arrears, she can't pay her council tax arrears, but she's happy to spend his money. Me, if you're gonna, if I'm gonna, spend your money on first clear my debts. Use your money to clear my debts before spending your money. Oh no, this girl she's not smart. She thinks she's smart, but she's not. She's stupid with a capital stupid.
Speaker 1:So she was dating this guy and she's already talking about marriage and everything. She don't even know his fucking last name at this point, but she's fantasizing. Nothing wrong with that. Come on, we all sit there imagining there's nothing wrong with that. Well, when she, when she she's at her age, well, I'm just like looking at her thinking, okay, so what? What background checks have you done in terms of what, what, what fact finding have you been doing? And one day she got really excited to come and share with me that, because she spent so much time at his house, he wants her by her dressing table and that was the bar of which she was measuring excitement. Okay, cool, whatever.
Speaker 1:And then one day she's you know she's not doing any background checks, she's not dating with intention, but she wants to get my all of this shit convoluted rubbish. She leaves her trainers in his house and basically, long story short, the relationship is not working. He's acting out according to her, but something's missing. I just think that he just was no longer into her for whatever reason. She wasn't giving me the full story. She called him, called him to get the the rest of the stuff out of that, out of his house, and he wouldn't answer. So she turned up at his house and he had another going house.
Speaker 1:I said to her that other girl is probably using that your dressing table. She was pissed at me. I said the name trainers girl. They weren't even nothing special. Honey, they're here. Max was a sports director. Honey, replace them. It's not a big deal. But the bar was so low for her and I thought, if the bar was so low and this guy has so many red flags, we're gonna still throwing yourself at him. This is gonna end up in tears. What is it about us as black women, where our self-esteem is already maybe not where it should be? Then we allow ourselves to get so abused emotionally that we find ways to justify toxicity because that's what she was doing, and then I become the enemy because I'm holding her accountable and try to say to her honey, you can't lose your life for this man that doesn't give a shit about you. The bar is so low and for you that dressing table was, was everything, but instead of you to have asked for the money, since he was dashing money, carrying the money can't pay your rent arrears.
Speaker 1:Some, some people, look into marriage, but you haven't married yourself. You haven't married yourself. You haven't made a commitment to yourself, but you want to make a commitment to somebody you don't know. You want to make a commitment to somebody who you haven't even done the bare minimum to check that you're aligned on so many different things, but you want to commit to that person, but you can't commit to yourself. You can't commit to holding yourself accountable. You can't commit to working through trauma. You can't commit to understanding who you are as a person. You can't commit to having a direction. You cannot commit to financial literacy. You cannot commit to anything, but you want to commit to a marriage. You know how mad that is. That's wild. So that's the reason why you don't do effective background checks. The lights will be flashing every type of knee on red and you will pretend that you can't see shit until it's too late.
Speaker 1:Dating is the ghetto. It was the ghetto when I was dating. I heard it's still the ghetto now. But you know what's worse than the ghetto of dating? It is the ghetto of walking into a situation that you know is not gonna end well. Those women that are so obsessed with another man's money, I'm just gonna let you know it's codependent. It's codependent.
Speaker 1:This same girl that was so happy that this man is buying dressing table in to go in his own house, when we had the registry we're in, one of my friends had sorted out for us to go to a restaurant. Now, what no one knew is that Kay was gonna pay. Of course he's gonna pay. Kay's a correct guy. As soon as this girl knew that Kay was gonna pay, she ordered 12 sabboukas. I don't drink alcohol, kay don't drink alcohol and a couple of other people at the table don't drink alcohol. She didn't even ask, she just she charged it to the table. After she finished down in the food, down in the sabbouka, that girl had spinach in between her teeth and no shame.
Speaker 1:Her and her relatives collected their bag and left and I looked at her and I thought that's the reason why every man will use you as kick and pass. This is the reason why you can't even hold down a date to a class of a relationship, because the bar is so low. The bar is low. You get excited because a man pays for the food. I'm more interested with what a man does with his money. Do you invest? Do you have a good relationship with money? Do you own property? Do you own stocks? Is your intention to own those things? What is your career trajectory? Where are you now? What's the plan for your career? How are you gonna get it? Instead of you to find out those things and work see where you can work with a man to elevate himself as you elevate yourself You're too fixated with the fact that the man's paying for the food and you're ordering 12-tambuca shots.
Speaker 1:I couldn't understand why her bar was low. I couldn't understand why guys were treating her a certain way doing their day and why she was always crying. Listen, when I told her I was getting engaged, when I got engaged, she started crying and I thought it's because she was happy for me. But I thought it was real strange because I'd already been with Kay gone on four years, so it was to be expected that we'd get married anyway. So I didn't understand the tears. I went that that close for her to be crying. After all, my best friend at the time wasn't crying. I was like who's this one that's crying? But I think she was actually mourning the pain that she felt that she wasn't in the situation that she wanted for herself. And she was crying because it was another person that was getting married and highlighting whatever insecurity she had.
Speaker 1:I genuinely think that, because she would then ask me weird questions that how does it feel to be engaged? I mean, what do you mean by that? Or she'd ask me questions like who earns more? Or she'd ask me questions like if he earned less than you, would you? I'm like girl. Let me tell you something. I've done my due diligence. There's no shame in my game, honey. I've done my due diligence.
Speaker 1:And, more importantly, the emphasis on money cannot be more than the emphasis on the person in front of me. Everything else is part of the packaging, but I need to understand, honey, if you do have red flags, are they more amber or they more amber than they are red? Because no one is perfect. Hold up your hands. No fingers are equal. It's about understanding and assessing the risk, honey, and just go in and shit. All you will see her is here, there and everywhere, angry, can't keep her eyes focused on one thing at a time because she's too busy chasing other people's dream to manifest as her own. That's wild. Portia Williams, same problem. You can't like money or love money that much that you marry somebody and you don't know.
Speaker 1:I will do a background check on your ass real quick. I will Google search you. I will find out what's in your bag. Listen, before I married me and came in a relationship, for what? Four years, four, five years, I think. Four years, four and a half years. I went through his laptop. I wanted to know everything about him before he even met me. What was you doing? Who was you hanging out with? Did you have a criminal record For real, for real, let me check them emails, dear. Did you have a lawyer or solicitor? What were they representing you on, honey, outside of Stocks and News, outside of Stocks and Shares? I need to know who was that that you were talking to, honey before you met me when your last relationship ended, why, how, how were you complicit? I found everything I needed in them emails, honey In them, folders I searched.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you a funny story before we close this episode, when I was doing my due diligence on K and some of you will say it's intrusive. All of this, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck because I'm spending my time with you and you're very well telling me what I now know to be the truth, but I don't know. I need to find that. It's not like I can go on a system and type your name and everything comes up. You've got to rely on the word of someone, and I need more than that. I have a legal background, honey, an extensive an education. When it comes to law, I'm educated, I'm a master's, honey. I know how far things can go. So I know how far I need to go, honey.
Speaker 1:So I managed to find out K's Facebook. So I was like right. So when I went in, it was like the page was really open, like he'd been in it before. As soon as I clicked, it logged me out. So then I tried to look in and I was thinking of passwords it could be and I couldn't get in, so I left it. I didn't think that K didn't come back and was like oh, I got an alert from Facebook that someone's trying to get into my Facebook and then I just confessed.
Speaker 1:Now some of you will sit here and say, oh, trust, all of this personal something, all of that, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't care, okay, I just don't care Cause I'm safeguarding my life at the end of the day. Okay, and whilst I don't think it was the right thing to do, I did it. I did it okay, and I'm not recommending anyone to do whatever, but I'm just telling you the extent I'm willing to go to a sense, check what I've been told. Yes, because I've learned from people's experience. Remember, I've worked in practice in a law firm. I've seen things. There's not much that surprises me. So I'm sorry and I apologize for those who are offended at my intention to safeguard myself. That's up to you. It's same day, same time. I do it again, that's just it, with my full chest and I don't know my bra size cause I wear CK bra, so I don't know. But with all of my full chest, I do it again.
Speaker 1:Portia couldn't do a background check on her man. I need to see them taxes that you're filing. I wanna see a British passport. I wanna see an American passport. I wanna see your documentation. These are the things apparently, for me. If you have them things, you won't be offended. I was just saying, listen. I saw a story on TikTok and it made me think, ah, find an excuse. But me, the document master, has to come out. You have to come out.
Speaker 1:Some of you find yourself in situation you put yourself there. For example, I didn't know he was marrying me for papers. Girl, did you see his paperwork when you got to give him notes? So why did you assume he had papers? Come on, ressa knows that there was a lot of things that she should have done, that she didn't do, that she turns a blind eye. She's not avoiding her ability to that. She would her ability to take responsibility. Here she's taking responsibility. But as black women, we have to do more to open our eyes. It's more than just somebody giving you lip service. Lip service is cheap because it's free. I need papers, documentation, papers the seats, proofs, timeline, screenshots. That's the level of cooperative evidence Y'all need.
Speaker 1:You can't just be walking in things blindly into 2024. That's wild and mad. If you tell me that you earn a certain amount of money, you should be okay with sharing and showing me your pay slip. If we're gonna get married and that's where we're going, and we've been together for over significant enough time for you to share your bed in your home with me to exchange bodily fluids, what's the problem? I will even bring my own. It's not like I just want to see yours, I'll bring mine. Let's have an exchange of document party.
Speaker 1:Come on Now. You guys know what I'm saying. It's the ability to be transparent with somebody you are with, and transparent, not just lip service, but be able to share things, show things. I don't understand why people cannot do that. And in this 2024 and in the society and cultural awareness where we are now and understand the culture where we come from, the pressure to be married or pressure to be in a sustained relationship, the pressure to have children, we all need to know who we're gonna do that with, because it's far too many women willing to settle. If you are gonna settle, know what you're settling for, shine your eyes.
Speaker 1:With that being said, I'm just looking to see if there's anything else I wanted to cover in this episode, but I don't think there is. I just felt like it was really important. I came here and spoke about the rest of Tessa viral video, portia Williams, gaboria and, of course, the new documentary regarding and about Wendy Williams. Make sure you're gonna have a watch. Thank you for listening. I hope you've learned something. I hope you've picked something.
Speaker 1:This is an impromptu episode. There will be another episode next week, tuesday, as part of our bi-weekly episodes. This is like a bonus episode and, whilst you may not agree with me on certain topics, the premise of what I'm saying to you is very clear. If you would like to follow me on ToyaTalk's Instagram page is Toya underscore talks. My personal Instagram page is Toya underscore Washington. If you would also like to follow me on TikTok, it's Toya Washington, all one word. And, of course, if you have a life related or work related dilemma, email hello at ToyaTalkscom. In the subject, just say so, a dilemma, and then I will address it anonymously here. On the ToyaTalks podcast, I know there's a lot of people who have reached out about sponsoring shows and stuff like that. Email hello at ToyaTalkscom.
Speaker 1:We do have an episode coming up about what you need to do To be able to win 250 pounds gift cards for work wear.
Speaker 1:That is coming up in two weeks time.
Speaker 1:Oh no, coming up in four weeks time. So in about four weeks time. I'll be doing an episode about that and you could potentially be able to win 250 pounds worth of gift cards to be able to go and purchase some items and key wardrobe items for work wear fully understanding the difficulties in terms of financial constraint and being in a cost of living crisis, but also the pressure of work, wear what to wear, what is deemed as smart, being able to feel comfortable in your clothes and understanding how that makes an impression, and we're going to talk about that in an episode, and there will be an opportunity to win 250 pounds worth of gift cards. So make sure you stay tuned for that and I'm really excited to deliver that episode. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for your love, your support. Thank you for all the love you pour into the podcast and the platform. If you are interested in any of the master classes, they're available on wwwtoyatalkscom. My name is Tyra Washington and you have been listening to the Toy Talks Podcast.