Toya Talks
Diane Abbott
The world can be unkind, and for Black Women, the sting of racism and microaggressions is a harsh reality. I share a potent blend of personal stories and societal critique, focusing on my own experience at a swim school that became a battleground for parental rights and racial tensions. The episode also casts a lens on the political landscape, dissecting the Labour Party's response to bigotry and the media's role in shaping public perception. Through this narrative, we uncover the vital importance of speaking out, standing firm, and the power of allies in the struggle against discrimination.
As we navigate the undulating terrain of professional and personal growth, the stories of those like Diane Abbott and Raye serve as beacons of resilience and self-belief. In this episode, I examine the ways Black Women can equip themselves with expertise and confidence to confront workplace challenges, and I celebrate the triumphs of those who bet on themselves and won. To all my listeners, your unwavering support is the wind beneath the wings of the Toyah Talks podcast, and together, we'll continue to uplift each other and champion our collective well-being.
Sponsorships - Email me: hello@toyatalks.com
TikTok: toya_washington
Twitter: @toya_w (#ToyaTalksPodcast)
Snapchat: @toyawashington
Instagram: @toya_washington & @toya_talks
www.toyatalks.com
https://toyatalks.com/
The world can be unkind, and for Black Women, the sting of racism and microaggressions is a harsh reality. I share a potent blend of personal stories and societal critique, focusing on my own experience at a swim school that became a battleground for parental rights and racial tensions. The episode also casts a lens on the political landscape, dissecting the Labour Party's response to bigotry and the media's role in shaping public perception. Through this narrative, we uncover the vital importance of speaking out, standing firm, and the power of allies in the struggle against discrimination.
As we navigate the undulating terrain of professional and personal growth, the stories of those like Diane Abbott and Raye serve as beacons of resilience and self-belief. In this episode, I examine the ways Black Women can equip themselves with expertise and confidence to confront workplace challenges, and I celebrate the triumphs of those who bet on themselves and won. To all my listeners, your unwavering support is the wind beneath the wings of the Toyah Talks podcast, and together, we'll continue to uplift each other and champion our collective well-being.
Sponsorships - Email me: hello@toyatalks.com
TikTok: toya_washington
Twitter: @toya_w (#ToyaTalksPodcast)
Snapchat: @toyawashington
Instagram: @toya_washington & @toya_talks
www.toyatalks.com
https://toyatalks.com/
Best career advice that I can give Don't ever attach yourself to a person, a place, a company, an organisation or a project. Attach yourself to a mission, a calling, a purpose. Only that's how you keep your power and your peace. It's worked pretty well for me thus far, and that was reposted on Instagram by Erica William Simon. The handle is at Miss E Will.
Speaker 1:Hello everybody and welcome to a brand new episode of the Toy Tools podcast. It's been a while. It's been a while. I've got to admit. It's been a few weeks and, to be honest with you, I need to take some time out because I was starting a new job, going perm, trying to figure out um, kind of like a new routine, and that you know doing my due diligence at work. I'm still doing my due diligence. We're three weeks in um and just you know, just getting used to the change of a perm, because it's a lot when you've been a contractor for seven years and now you're having to basically invest in one company where before you never really invested. Now I use the word invest because I think it's the best way to describe going perm but not invest in the way you think. I mean just focus on one role as opposed to having several other clients or just looking at the delivery aspect of working for a particular client. I think when you go perm, you're more involved in the fabric of the organisation. You are going to those town halls, you're looking at your objectives for the year're, definitely um, focusing on making sure that your due diligence is done on a periodic basis, as well as when you first start. You're getting to know your team. You need to figure out what the politics is and where you're positioning yourself and ultimately, working on your strategy about your career and where you want to go to, and that's a lot you know.
Speaker 1:So I took it a couple of weeks off and obviously in true form I take a few weeks off and a lot happens in in those times. But if you follow me on Instagram, I do kind of talk about certain things. I'm very active on Instagram more than any other social media platform, and that's because it's 24 hours on stories. It's easy, it's you know, it's just easy. Tiktok is probably the second most used social media platform that I use, but it's short bursts of toy talk, stuff, um. Snapchat I use less, but I need to actually use it more because I'm now saving a lot of the videos from instagram and I will be posting them on snapchat, and snapchat is the birthplace of the toy talks platform, so I will never not be on snapchat. I just need to commit myself to be on it more regularly.
Speaker 1:That being said, so I had a new role and, yeah, like it's, it's going okay. Um, I definitely really like my team. We're all really, really different, but it all works. My manager is really lovely. He's not based in the UK. He is coming over to the UK in two weeks time, so we're gonna have like a team meeting in person and we're going to dinner, which, again, is different for me. Number one, because it's not something I usually do, but different also because now I have a daughter, I'm a mum, so I feel like networking with my team or kind of doing these things means something different, even more so now that I'm a mum, because all I want to do is get back to my child. I'm not really interested in doing the dinner.
Speaker 1:However, I recognize as part of navigating, especially with the organisation I'm working for. It's important and the organisation I'm working for it's a very flexible culture, but you're still expected to show up. Show up okay, um, and navigating, from what I've seen, is going to require me to give a little of myself, obviously never giving enough of myself, but I'm pretty happy and everything I've I teach on the toy tools podcast is what I'm living and I always say to you, whether you're a contractor or perm, you need to know what your objectives are pretty early on. I've been here three weeks and I've asked every week for me and my boss to work through my objectives and I've just got. I've come in um, at the opening of um.
Speaker 1:What do you call it? What do you call it? Bonus, bonus year? You know where. Now they start looking at your deliverables. Are you hitting your objectives? And then they'll start quantifying that with the percentage of bonus that you would basically be awarded. So I'm using this as a really good opportunity to get to know my boss, because I've really written. As a really good opportunity to get to know my boss because I've already written down a couple of things and have a few things in my mind about what my objectives are going to be, but allowing him to lead this because he's very much wanting to be in control of this whole thing. But we have to mutually agree what those objectives are and also I'm linking that into my job description and now I'm on the ground actually seeing the viability of actually achieving those objectives.
Speaker 1:So, working with him, um to come up with objectives although I have my own and I'll be sharing those with him and also um using bonus year to see how he sees me, you know, sometimes it's it's you're not always in a situation where you know you get to know someone really, really well because you go to the office every day and you can see the whites of their eyes. When you have a boss who maybe isn't in the same country as you or as myself, a hundred percent remote and building that relationship requires you to really observe and the due diligence has to be done quite rapidly because you're not getting to see the physical gestures, you're not seeing him with other people or her with other people and therefore you're arriving at an understanding of the character that you're working with is quite difficult if you don't allow yourself the opportunity and time to really observe in other situations. I've never been in a meeting with my boss and my other stakeholders, so I don't know if he's quite a confident person or if he's quite a forceful. I don't know these things, I just know that with me he's been very nice, very accommodating, but he's extremely busy. But but this how he does decides my bonus, how he quantifies the bonus, how he communicates my bonus is going to let me know a bit more about his character in terms of his employment integrity, and I feel like people don't talk about employment integrity enough. And employment integrity is something I have coined and it's about how people operate in their position of power and how they exercise their power, that power with junior members of staff, junior to them, because in my organisation I am senior but obviously he is a director and I could have been benched as well because, consultancy style, I could have been benched and I've been deployed onto a project and I've also been deployed onto another project. We're just waiting for that to come through. I also have a holiday coming up, so all of this is going to be really interesting to see how my boss deals with these things. You know how I'm, how am I gonna be covered when I'm not there, how, like I said, he handles the very nice what he, what he apportions to my bonus, so the percentage he gives me, and it would let me know a little more about him and how he views me and then understand strategically how to navigate in order to obtain what my personal career objectives are, because he's going to be fundamental to that. So, yeah, I think it's important that I share this, because no one exists is no one is exempt from the strategy of navigating work, irrespective of the position you hold. In fact, the more senior you are, the more political it becomes. And then it's also about leveraging your boss or senior members of staff to navigate the political aspects of the world of work and organization that you work in.
Speaker 1:I can't um open this podcast without discussing diane abbott. Now we all know what was what has occurred here in the UK and effectively the largest Tory donor is Frank Hester and he has an estimated wealth of 415 million and over the last two years he's donated 10 million to the Tory party. He's also profited, and he's profited by having been awarded some contracts. So 135 million of the NHS contracts were awarded to him between 2019 and 2022, which was at the height of the pandemic. So hopefully that gives you a flavour of the type of money and influence and wealth that we're talking about when we talk about Tory donors, because Tory has several donors, but he is the highest um financially, the highest Tory donor.
Speaker 1:So Tory Hester has been accused of and ordinarily one would say allegedly, but it's not really alleged, is it? But for the purposes of being politically correct he has been accused of saying that Diane Abbott makes one hate all black women and that Diane Abbott should be shot. This is what is alleged that Frank Hester has said. Now this blew up in the media. It catapulted the conversation of race, the violence and recklessness of words, the inciting of hatred that's underpinned by racism, and it's really allowed us to see how politics operates like, what are the what, how. You know we're talking about diversity and culture and living here in the UK. I just want to add that diane abbott is a 70 year old woman. She is the longest serving mp in black british politics. She has been through a lot like, we've seen a lot, and I do need to caveat all of this by also saying that diane abbott is currently suspended from the labour party um and she's been accused of anti-semitism. So all this is happening all at the same time.
Speaker 1:And kia starmer I've always had issues with kia starmer because I feel as though kia starmer is the labour party leader but behaves like a conservative. Keir Starmer is the Labour Party leader but behaves like a conservative. Instead of him to during the parliamentary questions. To Rishi Sunak, instead of Keir Starmer, whose member of his party has been verbally attacked and abused and discriminated against, instead of him to have called upon her, who had stood up 46 times during the parliamentary question they were all talking about her and she was there he didn't once turn around and say you know, my learning friend wishes to make a statement. From what we've heard from Diane Abbott, kiyosama hasn't reached out to her. What Kiyosama did in, in my opinion, is use this to railroad his political agenda, and he did not safeguard the interest or safeguard Diane Abbott and and and. What he was condemning, and rightfully so, was what was said, but it was all performative because we were literally watching the parliamentary questions. Diane abbott was there. Kia starman knew he. She was there. He didn't want to turn to her. You're trying to tell me. No one told him that she was there, standing up 40. Do you know how many times? 46 times, how many minutes you must be standing up to be standing 46 times? And not one person asked her to speak.
Speaker 1:Rishi Sunak said that Frank Hester has apologised. So his apology if sincere, which, which was sincere, should be accepted. Do you know how wild it is to tell a black woman we? You will be abused, you'll be discriminated against, you will be verbally assaulted and if the person is sincere in their apology, you should just accept it. Who and what gives you the right to tell us what we should and should not accept? How dare you? Frank hester apologized if his words were. I think I can't remember his exact words, but he said that he apologized if his words were offensive. Can you imagine? That is very different to apologising for the act of being discriminatory and verbally abusive. He did not take accountability, and that is the problem. And that lack of accountability provides the licence for other people to think it's okay to behave in that way because there are no consequences. Ie the complete condemning of that behaviour.
Speaker 1:The policing of black women is violent. The assault and the verbal aggression and assault towards black women is very violent and this is why, if I feel as though I'm being treated in a disadvantageous way, I'm gonna talk. I will never allow myself to be oppressed by anyone, and very least of all a white person and very least of all a white man. It's not gonna happen and I've shared with you a podcast episode called closet racist, where I genuinely I genuinely feel as though there are people out there, non-black, who are either intimidated by black women or see us as an easy target for abuse. And this was an opportunity. What happened to diane abbott was an opportunity for non-black people to condemn the behaviour and unite in a single voice of understanding that this cannot happen. This is no more different to discriminating anyone for the race and colour of their skin and their gender.
Speaker 1:If Diane Abbott was a white man, he would not say it. If Diane Abbott was any other race and and a man, frank hester would not have said what he did. It's inciting hatred, it's inciting violence what he said. It is now under police investigation and I'm really interested to see the outcome of that investigation because by the principles of the law and the definition of verbal assault inciting racial hatred and discrimination, a crime here has been committed. So we're waiting.
Speaker 1:But what was very evident is a lot of the political commentators who were black were called, and what was more disgusting is the way in which the media will weaponise black people who are skinfolk but are not skinfolk, so skinfolk physically but in their minds they're still mentally enslaved and having the audacity to be for hire, to condemn Diane Abbott and talk about her history or whatever. Whatever listen, when, when an assault has happened, when, when something has happened I don't give a damn whether diane abbott was disrespectful in the house of commons or whatever it is and I'm just giving an example here an act has been committed that is racist, it is verbally violent and incites a level of violence that is incomprehensible, that needs to be addressed, but for some reason, we convolute issues in this country to avoid addressing the vulnerability that is placed upon black women by removing up, attempting to remove our ability to feel safe and feel safe to be able to express ourselves and feels this country is is just unbelievable. I want to give you an example. We're still staying on the topic of diana, but here I'm going to give you an example of something um, every sunday we take our daughter swimming right, and there's parents there with their kids, you know, and you've got other parents sitting on the sidelines and it's really beautiful and there's like an age group and it's actually a swimming school. So my daughter will grow up in this swimming school. Yeah, so I was sitting there and I can sit here and say, I mean, okay, there's probably four black people that attend, right, the swim school. It's a very diverse swim school, to be honest with you, but the objective of the swim school is to get the babies, you know, in the water, get them to start using their bodies and understand how to swim and teach them core skills. I believe swimming is a life skill.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so as I'm there, I decided that I wanted to take pictures of my daughter, because k is the one that goes in the pool with our daughter. Our daughter is now 11 months. She started going swimming at nine months. Um, because it was just so difficult to get her into the swim school, but, by the grace of god, I managed to get her in the swim school. So so, um, a few weeks before, I did ask the swimming instructor, the coach, can I be taking pictures of my daughter? And she said, yeah, as long as it's of your daughter, there's no problem. It's always nice to have the memories. I said no problem, I'll make sure that if I accidentally capture anybody else, I'll delete it, but I will, you know, for me it's. You know, I just want to take. So she goes, no problem. So now we're in in a class and this is probably my daughter's third or fourth class. So as case in with her, I say, it's okay, I'll bring her closer.
Speaker 1:So I bend down and as I'm about to take a picture, there is a man that is also sitting on the side. Now, there's a few parents on the side, but this one in particular has a newborn baby in a car seat and he is a little bit close to me. His wife, partner, concubine, whoever she is and his son are all the way on the other side of the pool. So for me personally I don't know why he's sitting there, because I don't see how he can see them. But ah, should be. This is a free country, see where you want.
Speaker 1:So as I'm taking a picture of my daughter and I'm bending down, this man says excuse me, you're not supposed to be taking pictures. You shouldn't be taking pictures. I don't want you taking pictures. I says pardon. He repeats himself. I said what's your problem? Before I could say anything further, the swimming coach comes over and she says oh yeah, no, you're not supposed to be taking pictures. I said excuse me, jenny, we've had this conversation. And she goes have we? I said excuse me, jenny, we've had this conversation and she goes, have we? I said yeah, and the conversation went a little bit like I would like to be taking pictures of my daughter and you encouraged me that that would be a great idea for memories, and you give me the parameters and the boundaries to take those pictures. I said please have a look at my phone. And she goes oh, that's a lovely picture of your daughter. I said do you see anybody there? She goes no, I said that's because I was bending down to take those pictures of my daughter. She goes oh, that's a lovely picture of your daughter. I said do you see anybody there? She goes no, I said that's because I was bending down to take those pictures of my daughter. She goes oh, there's nothing wrong with it.
Speaker 1:I turned to the man with his baby in the car seat. He's there rocking it with his leg. I said, excuse me, you don't get to police me. You know you do not get to police me as a woman or as a black woman. He goes oh, here we go. I says I don't care, we're going to go down that road. He said, oh, he doesn't want anyone taking pictures of his child. I said excuse me, your child and your wife or your girlfriend or your concubine are all the way on the other side.
Speaker 1:You chose to sit here, so I want you to tell me how bending down to take a picture of my child interferes with taking a picture of your child. Tell me how that makes sense. I said you know what it is. You're a busybody and maybe you don't have a voice in your house. You're coming here to command somebody else. I said it's never gonna be me. I said you see, today you've picked the wrong one on the right day. You don't want to respect the baby that you're rocking here. Instead, it's me that you want to police. That's not going to happen. I said maybe what happened to diane abbott? You think that all black women must be treated like that? It's not going to happen. I said you don't get to command me, you don't get to talk to me, you don't get to control me, and if you don't like what I'm doing, go make a formal complaint to the swim school. But what you're not going to do is police this black woman on this day or any given day. Then he was trying to say something and I anyway I was just ignoring him and then k obviously could see my facial expressions and I speak with my hands and he had our daughter in his hand in his hands, still swimming. He said is everything okay? And I said, yeah, everything's okay.
Speaker 1:This, this man and his, his, his baby car seat. He picks it up, walks all the way to the other pool, other side of the pool, to his wife I don't know what he's saying to her wife, girlfriend, concubine, I don't know then walks on the side, by the way over to k, bends down and says, oh, there's no problem. I said, excuse me, move, move. Then he comes and sits back. I said no, you're not sitting there. I said because your job today is to police a black woman, and it's this black woman. You're not going to police and you're not sitting here. So find where you're going to sit, but you're not sitting next to me. You need to move. He picked himself up and he walked out. He walked out.
Speaker 1:I want to say that I'm using a lot of passion to explain what happened, because every time I think about it I get irritated, but I was very calm. I was very calm because I'm very conscious that there's other kids there and my daughter's there. However, I have to defend myself where anyone attempts to oppress me, especially someone who attempts to oppress me because they think they can. It's not gonna happen. His behavior till this day makes no sense.
Speaker 1:When the swimming school had finished, there was a lady, a white woman, and she her husband is a as um, a black man that comes to the swim school as well, and they've got a little boy, gorgeous little boy. So, as as um, the swim school finishes for the day. She comes over to me. She says excuse me, why was that man speaking to you like that? I said, my dear, I don't know she goes, but you were bending down to take a picture of your child. If anyone should have the problem, it should be me, but it was very obvious to me that you were bent down. The only person you're going to be taking a picture of is your child. Obvious to me that you're bent down. The only person you're going to be taking a picture of is your child and, moreover, I don't have any problem. You should be free to do what you want. I says, my dear, this is called policing black women 101. And she goes. Definitely, I can see that it's not right and it's not acceptable and he has no right to talk to you like that and if it happens again I'll be saying something. I said thank you, thank you for, and she goes. I just wanted to make sure you was okay. Let you know that you haven't done anything wrong. I said I know I haven't, but I appreciate the support, thank you.
Speaker 1:When a white woman is coming to a defense of a black woman against a white man, you don't fuck up. You don't fuck the hell up. Yeah, you fucked up. You see, I feel like and funny enough, or not so funny enough. That was a week after what happened to diane abbott, so that was still very fresh on my mind. It was very fresh on my mind.
Speaker 1:A lot of us, as black women, we were triggered by that because what happened to diane abbott is a reflection of sometimes what we experience in the workplace where, um, you're working, maybe in white dominated industries, especially with the fragility of some white men not all some feeling that they have the audacity and the power and the, the courage to speak down to us and, basically, a certain authority. That is quite oppressive, least in microaggression, the, the foundation of which is racism, but they don't want to have that conversation. As soon as you mention race they, they jump, because you are now starting to, you know, pull the table on, on on the the foundation of what they are talking about. When you shake the table and you question the motive, if it wasn't that, he would have said that's got nothing to do with it. I apologize if you think it is, but it's not. He could have, but he didn't.
Speaker 1:And one thing with me I'm going to let you know now I have been through so much that when I utilize my money for enjoyment, like swim school, nobody is going to stop me from doing that. If you don't like to see black women enjoying in any form of enjoyment or luxury, you have a problem. But it's not my problem to diagnose your problem and it's not. I'm never going to allow you to cheat me out of my enjoyment, because if I took it where he wanted it to go, I would have cheated myself out of enjoying my daughter's women. No, I was very clear with him and I was very direct and also I told him you're not sitting here Because what I don't want now is my behaviour to change or for me to feel uncomfortable or awkward to take pictures of my child because of the fragility of this white man who wants to police me, this black woman, on no given day will ever that will be the case. Now I caveat that by saying and I shouldn't, but I will, for purposes of just saying it again. So it's clear this is not my experience of every white man, this isn't, but I have had experiences that are negative with white men.
Speaker 1:So this is why it's important for us to gather in a safe space to have this conversation, because it's important, as black women, that we are revived in confidence to challenge microaggressions, and that challenging microaggressions is challenging the person who is exhibiting a microaggression to demonstrate to us that if they, if, if what we are saying isn't what it is, then they should correct us. They should correct us. When you don't correct me is because I've shaken the table and taken off the blinds of what you're doing and I've brought it to the light. I've taken it out of the blinds of the darkness and brought it to the light. So for me, I couldn't understand how I'm bending down to take a picture of my kid. Your, your concubine and your son are on the other side of the pool and you're choosing to sit next to me. That was your first mistake. Have you come to observe your your child swimming? Or have you come to observe this black woman enjoying family time with her family?
Speaker 1:You see, when, as black women, we speak up, they don't like it and that's why they label it as us being aggressive. Because, you see, if you label us as something, then what you do is you strong arm us into silence. And what does silence do? Silence allows you to suffer in silence, and when you suffer in silence, you empower the person who is being the aggressor to continue. That can't happen. You cannot silence me because I have been silent for a long time and when toyah talks happened, it wasn't a conscious thing. It was me sharing my experiences of the world of work and people gathering and sharing their experiences and understanding that, collectively, this is a problem and we need to find a strategic way in which to navigate the world of work and life whilst not losing our voice as black women.
Speaker 1:It's really easy for us to lose our voice when society will blatantly show you like a situation like diane abbott and you become almost disappointed in the lack of accountability and condemnation of that behavior exhibited towards diane abbott. That in itself can strong arm us into silence, but it's not going to happen when you see it, you must call it out, and it's the way you call it out. So sometimes you might call it out as making a statement, you may call it out by making it formal, you may call it out by challenging the situation whilst you're in it and you may call it out by using the system to support you ie, you know, making a formal complaint to hr, if you'd like, or, in extreme circumstances such as diane Abbott, reporting it to the police. But living in a society which continues to disrespect black women and then uses some of the croners, some of the puppets that label themselves what's it? Cultural commentators that look like us, they will use people that look like us to abuse us. That in itself is also violent.
Speaker 1:What diane abbott endured was racism, threats of violence, discrimination on the basis of her gender and disrespect of the highest order. So when I see other black women who are MPs, I salute you, because I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I believe it's Diane Butler. I think her first name is Diane Diane Butler.
Speaker 1:Basically, during the pandemic parliamentary question or just after the pandemic, I believe, she accused Boris of lying to them, of lying to the public. The way she was reprimanded by the house speaker. They asked her to leave I believe only now to turn around that boris had been lying about certain things. The way they humiliated that woman in the house of common. Honestly I was like girl, this is too much. The house speaker watched diana, but stand up 46 times 46. A white man that is. He's a house speaker. He's a house speaker. Listen, my thing is this I'm done with trying to find a level playing field. We need equality. I, you know, I I support that, but I understand that we're a long way off. So now I'm into strategy and using the system that was created by them, or use the system against them to cover myself and look after and protect myself because I feel very exposed.
Speaker 1:What happened to diane abbott really triggered a lot of us black women because we felt exposed. We can imagine ourselves being her. We know that in certain situations we have been a diane abbott where we've been ignored. Where we've been violated verbally, we've been disrespected, disregarded micro, macro aggressions used as a weapon to control us. Where we've been disrespected, disregarded micro-macroaggressions used as a weapon to control us. Where we have been silenced. Where we come out and tell people our experience and they try to make us feel as though it's not that serious or if an apology has been rendered, we should just accept it without the accountability. It's just not on.
Speaker 1:I've worked in an organization before but I was so disrespecting on a call and I weaponized those white tears that my white female counterparts have shown me. And there was another white man on the call and I leveraged his ability and his proximity to whiteness because our boss was white to get him to complain to my boss about what had happened. But matt, the white guy that had disrespected me, was spoken to and honestly, that that that um organization dealt with it. Really well, I was very surprised they dealt with it and I was a contractor, by the way. He was instructed to render an apology to me and the other guy me. I was even confused. I said it was me that was disrespected. What's the other guy got to do with it? Obviously his, his fragility, he said I he was astonished on the call. So he had this heightened sense of fight or flight. Ah, these people use english grammar, or me, I'll use this one. Fight or flight, I will use that one. Yeah, I was like ah, do you know, to this very day, this man never apologized.
Speaker 1:The guy that disrespected. He didn't apologize, and the disrespect is when I was talking to him, he was shouting. I told him to shouting and then he's like taya, I'm gonna let you know who I am and and I don't need to come to you and ask you what my contractual position is, because I'm telling you that I'm the stakeholder and, as far as I'm concerned, I don't need anything from you. Ah, the way he was talking, I said are you a goblin? What sort of? Yeah, what stupid. I didn't care whether he apologized or not. I just wanted him to put a notice that your other senior managers now know that you're a thug. So you care about what your colleagues think.
Speaker 1:And look at it, it was your fellow man that went and snitched about your behavior towards a black woman and towards him because of his virginity. You know. I just wanted it to be put on on record that your behavior was deplorable. Whether you apologize to me or not, I don't care. I just needed him to know that it's never gonna be me and you're not gonna get away with it.
Speaker 1:The way he was talking to me thereafter ah, he was like um, you know a puppy. Yeah, he was like a puppy because he's embarrassed now, isn't he? He thought that was a call of just three of us there. No, I brought it to the lights and this is what I'm saying about bringing things to the light and understanding strategically how to do certain things. Apologies, they don't really do much for me. It's changed behavior, but your inability to render an apology shows me that your ego is so damn fragile that rendering an apology makes you feel like you're weak. That tells me more about you than it does about anything else, and that's cool. But the idea for him of apologising and apologising to a woman better yet a black woman he couldn't do it, and this is how we are in the workplace.
Speaker 1:So Diane Abbott and what she went through was utterly deplorable. It was, it was disgusting, it was just shocking. And I know for a lot of us we close our eyes and we remember a situation where we've had an adjacent feeling to what she could possibly be feeling, but also recognizing that what happens in politics usually finds its way into life and that almost shock that this could happen on such a public scale and what is the consequences? What are the police gonna do? The labour party are effectively her employer and they haven't got her back. She was literally in a situation where she could talk about the effects of what happened, what her belief is of what happened. She was not even given a voice to speak. They ignored her. They ignored her. How many of us have felt ignored or feeling ignored in our workplaces where you know that your voice is there but nothing is coming out, there's no sound. That's crazy to me and this is why I will continue to advocate for us as black women, advocate for myself in my situations and also advise you guys, teach you guys, give you guidance of how to advocate for yourself when you find yourself in certain predicaments that are driven by the prejudice of people who do not want to see black women be successful, prosper or be happy. I will always, always have to provide an opportunity to share so that, as black women, we can find the confidence and the courage and the reassurance to go in the world of work or go out in life and use our voice.
Speaker 1:Grammar, grammar. I remember my first day at secondary school. My dad had taken me. My dad was so proud, he was so happy, and we was in assembly and we had our head teacher was mr shipley. Uh, no, was it mr shipley? Yes, it was mr shipley, and in the assembly he introduced himself and he said I want everyone to stand up and repeat after me education, education, education. And I think it was. Tony Bleda said that as well. Well, mr Shipley was a Labour supporter and my dad was passionate. My dad made me repeat it and I was thinking what the hell? But you know when I look back what that said to me.
Speaker 1:You have to learn the ways of the land in which you live. You need to educate yourself about where you are, where you work. Due diligence is an education. You need to be a subject matter expert. Read around your subject education. You need to understand the ecosystem and where you work. Education. You need to be clued up to what micro and macro aggressions look like. Education. You need to understand how you are going to package yourself. Education and you need to open your mind to learning education. That's what that meant to me at the age of 13 and now being 39, that is what I I remember was the beginning stage of my formal education into education and the life of education, ie the life we're living now.
Speaker 1:There is a reason why they don't teach us about mortgages, loans, credit investment. There is a reason Brokerage accounts. You know they don't teach us these things and if they're teaching them, they're not teaching them in inner city schools, honey, where I came from. It's a form of control by removing the access to knowledge which will educate you into the decisions you will make. There's a reason why we are not taught these things.
Speaker 1:Do you think if I had a podcast back when I was in my 20s ah, me, me, what I suffer, I do, me who has suffered in the hands of people it would have been a rap for everybody. Ah, but here we are, learning from our mistakes, being students of life and allowing ourselves to be educated, and also being students and learning from other people's situation. Mistakes and winnings that's what's important. So the question I ask in any situation that happens is what have you learnt from it? So what's happened with Diane Abbott? What did you learn? I'll go first. I learnt that I have a duty to myself, and now to my daughter, to advocate for myself in situations that make me uncomfortable, because in that swim school I felt uncomfortable Because something so simple was made to feel like it was wrong. I also learned that you can stand up 46 times and people will ignore you sometimes you have to use your ability to use your voice and your platform to advocate for yourself. You have to use the tools around you to be able to use your voice.
Speaker 1:Diane Abbott played the political game too unpopular opinion. She could have done a um instagram live. She could have used social media, because right now she has nothing to lose, and she could have shared with us, number one, what was said. How did she come to know it was said, how it made her feel and what she expects from her, the Labour leader, keir Starmer, and put him on a high jump. But maybe she's just tired. These several years in politics has possibly made her tired and she probably thinks you know what? I can only give what I can give. I've done my best. Maybe that's it, but I wish you know.
Speaker 1:I know that there was a rally in Hackney Is it Hackney West? I can't remember, but in Hackney, which is her constituents, and they really like, oh, they protested for her. They really lifted her on their shoulders. But even then, when she was given the mic, I felt like her answers were so political, the things she said were so odd, like I feel like she never really said what she really wanted to say, and I feel like Diane Abbott, keir Starmer, don't want you in the Labour Party, no more. You're still suspended to this day and I feel like what do you have to lose?
Speaker 1:Because there's other black women like myself and several of us here that are looking to you to almost advise us and to teach us what you have learned through this situation and give us a window to what this situation actually is and means. But I feel like maybe you feel like that's not your job and that's cool, but I want to hear from because I still don't feel like we really heard from diana. But if I'm honest, what do you learn from that situation? How can you better improve yourself to place yourself in a situation whereby you can better handle difficult situations or uncomfortable situations? Because, as black women, I'd like to. I'd you know, you know it is. I'd like to just exist without feeling policed or without being made to feel uncomfortable, and this is the reason why I opened my mouth at swim school. There's some situations that happen where I'm just like, oh, not today, but because of what's happened with diana. But I feel like what happens in politics will find its way into life usually and you have to nip it in the bud to let them know now when you put on your tv, you're not going to come and live EastEnders out here, mate, absolutely not.
Speaker 1:Also as well. I want to just mention very briefly, because I know that Celebrity Boob Brother has finished now, but Louis Walsh and ZZ Mills. Louis Walsh, within the first 48 hours of entering the Big Brother house and he met ZZ Mills. He was in the diary room and he nominated ZZ Mills to be evicted from the Big Brother house and his reason was that she's sure of herself and she's full of herself. And his reason was is that she's sure of herself and she's full of herself? He said that she thinks that she's famous but nobody knows who she is. And blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:I always say to you that being a subject matter expert is your superpower. The reason I say that is the confidence you gain from knowing something well, leveraging it to navigate the world of work and earn yourself more money in senior positions is what makes people like Louis Walsh uncomfortable, because he's been conditioned to think either only him or people that look like him have access to that. His inflated self-importance comes from being affirmed by society that he is important and no one else is, or people that look like him are more important than when I heard that, I thought there it is. When a black woman is confident, she's labelled arrogant. When a black woman speaks up, she's called confrontational. Sassy is sometimes what they use because it's on the cusp. When they meet an educated black woman, they will ask us to prove that education because, as black women, we couldn't possibly educate ourselves enough to find ourselves in this position.
Speaker 1:So how did we get here? As black women, we have a duty to rise and soar, because being oppressed or to continue to be oppressed is not an option. If you want to attain true success and define success as what it means to you, you have to allow yourself the opportunity to be the best in class at what you do. Where I'm currently working, I am the only black woman on the team. Now, it's a diverse organization, but I am the only black woman on my team and I don't remember it or it doesn't come to my mind. It's just something that I'm aware of because, as black women, we're hyper aware of our environment, aren't we, and how we and what masks we're putting on, but I've been put in the deep end really and truly. When you start somewhere new, you should be benched. And then consultancy environment. You should be benched at least for a week or two, as you were climatized to your environment.
Speaker 1:But I wasn't. I was deployed. I don't do procurement. I find it really boring. I can't stand it. To be honest, but every time and everywhere I worked, I always found myself in a procurement team doing commercial contracts. So in I'm about to say 1998, in 2017, 2018, I decided to do my level four sips in procurement and supply. It was the best thing I ever did, the hardest as well, because it was going back into education after having my master's for several years. It was a lot and balancing that with work, but it was, for me, a great opportunity for me to do. I had nothing else to do apart from work and stuff and I was figuring life out. So why not? And one of the reasons I did it is because, in order to kind of be good at what I did, I needed to understand the steps that happened before in the procurement cycle. So what better than to educate myself through formal education? Do you know where I've been deployed before we get to the bulk of what I need to do. I have to. I'm involved now in the procurement cycle and I'm having to add value from day one.
Speaker 1:Do you know that my boss had a meeting with one of my key stakeholders? Now, as part of my due diligence, I know who my key stakeholders are. I have a very good relationship with them. They're very inclusive, I must say. They make me feel part of the team. They introduce me, they ask me for my opinion. They're lovely. They're really really nice people and very learned, very educated. They are, you know, best in class at what they do. Anyway, one of our key stakeholders went to my manager um, my boss had a conversation because obviously we need to know pipeline and stuff, and he said toy is brilliant, she's a team player and she is uh, she really thinks things through, she doesn't just talk for the sake of it, and she's added so much value and I'm really looking forward to working with her going forward. You know, for me, when my boss came back to tell me which I thought was lovely because he didn't have to do, you know what I picked from that.
Speaker 1:It's really important to read around your subject matter. So if you're still figuring out a career, whatever you land on, you need to read around what you do. You need to do further education, further learning. When you go somewhere new or even if you're an existing place now, you need to know who are your influential stakeholders, who are the ones that have influence, and you need to find a way to work with them. Remember, I didn't say you have to find a way to like them. That's not what I said. I said you have to find a way to like them. That's not what I said. I said you have to find a way to work with them. You may not like me, but you're gonna respect me. I've spent a lot of time understanding or trying to figure out how to navigate, formulating strategies to be able to obtain certain things, to be able to do my work, and this is where, as black women, we will excel if we allow ourselves to do the due diligence required to navigate successfully.
Speaker 1:Before I close this podcast episode, I want to end with this statement you need to bet on yourself. You need to bet on yourself because if you don't bet on yourself, nobody. You need to bet on yourself Because if you don't bet on yourself, nobody else is going to do it. Betting on yourself is you need to know that you are worthy. If you don't believe in your worthiness, no one else is going to believe it.
Speaker 1:Imposter syndrome is real. I suffer from imposter syndrome sometimes, even where I'm at now. Do you think I haven't had times where I'm like, oh my god, I'm working with these amazing minds like you know. Am I gonna get found out that I'm not as advanced as them? Actually, no, I may not be as advanced as them, but I deserve to be here and I'm gonna learn from every one of these people so that one day I'm on par with every one of them. I think that imposter syndrome in moderation is quite humbling, but the key word is moderation.
Speaker 1:So there's a singer called Ray and she left her label Polydor and went independent and she shared that how she felt as though she wasn't. You know, they didn't really believe in who she was as an artist and they downplayed her. She was like a lot of her music was shelved. She was writing for other people but she wasn't actually getting what she needed from the label. She was made to feel that if she left, her career would be over. She had the most Brit nominations and Brit wins in the Brit Awards this year. She has successfully paved the way for herself as a singer and now I know her to be a songwriter.
Speaker 1:What I learnt from Ray is if you bet on yourself, you are always going to win. You can't expect other people to bet on you if you don't have the self-confidence in yourself to know that you deserve. There's an episode at the beginning of the podcast series called your manager is not the key to your success. That's because you are the key to your success. You have to know that you're worthy and you're good enough and be in a continuous cycle of learning, because that's the only way. I have a dilemma that I want to quickly read before my battery dies. What is it with apple phones and the battery life? Like, seriously, oh, maybe a new phone is coming out me. I need some headphones. I want to get them headphones, but I'm waiting for new colors anyway. Sorry, I digress. Let me read the dilemma, so it's entitled dilemma. Hello, toy, I hope you're. My greetings to you and your family. I have a dilemma which I wish to seek advice on.
Speaker 1:I started a role as a deputy head teacher in a brand new school. I decided to take the leap and apply with only three years of teaching experience. I have done some locum work with this school and aware of how the school runs. I started some months ago and the team are predominantly black, just two white colleagues. Okay, since I started I've got really bad vibes from two junior members of staff. I decided to keep my distance from these two. The two then became very disrespectful and tried to undermine me. I'll give you an example. One questioned why I delegated her a specific task. I did say to her you will do it and that's all. Her friend then jumped in and asked me is that necessary? I ignored both and walked away. These two ladies were, who are African and much older than me, again tried to be disrespectful, questioning why I've delegated them tasks, making excuses as to why they couldn't do it. I was firm and said you will do it.
Speaker 1:Another day, one came storming in saying it's not nice that you've done what you've done. I said to her you can raise your concerns with management and I cut her off. She then reported me that I'm picking on her the cheek of it. I then messaged my manager stating how concerned I was with the two ladies behaviour. My manager is afraid of them. She is white. She asked me if I discussed it, if I wanted to discuss it. I said no. She then said they want your job and feel threatened because before I came they were doing my role for free. I stated that it's not my concern. Their behavior won't be tolerated and is inappropriate. My manager said I should deal with it and speak to them on my own, which I don't think is appropriate. I left it. All this I have documented again. One was very disrespectful during a team meeting. I reported this to the manager, stating I'd like to have a meeting with the three of us to discuss her behaviour. I did follow up with this in an email. I was told I would have the meeting the next day, and this was three weeks ago. The meeting hasn't happened. I have been told by several people.
Speaker 1:These two ladies have been constantly downgrading me, stating I'm no good at the job. I wish to remain professional, but I need to deal with these two ladies once and for all. I'm not on probation. I'm not on probation past that. I am new and I have training to undertake. These ladies are going on every single training you can think of beyond their role, trying to compete with me. These two ladies are now doing my role, but for free. They are being used to fill a gap and feel they are something they are not, that's like. What's ironic is both ladies recently interviewed for my role elsewhere at multiple schools, and both were rejected. God don't like ugly, laugh out. I have all that's um transpired in my burn folder. I now only speak to these ladies if I have to, other than when I will pass them um. When I see them, I'd like advice on what to do next.
Speaker 1:Sorry for the long story. I wanted to give you context to the story. Okay, you are a deputy head teacher of a school. Can we just give you your flowers just because they're skin folk? Honey, don't mean nothing. And I say don't mean nothing because if you're placing emphasis that they're your fellow black women, these are your fellow black women that are disrespecting you, undermining you and effectively questioning why you've been given the job. They're actually poison. They're seeping poison into the minds of other people who are watching them seemingly get away with the behaviour they're exhibiting. And you don't want a mutiny on your hands, because what is it that happens in politics? A vote of no confidence. That's what you don't want. This is the advice I will give you.
Speaker 1:You have to use your position to your advantage. My love, you are a deputy, a teacher, so that means that you're not just managing the school, you're managing the staff members. You have to use the policies that you have to deal with these women. Every interaction that is verbal must be followed up in writing, and you know this. Come on, if you've got a burn folder then. I know you listen to the podcast, you know all of this. I think that if you have enough evidence in your burn folder, I think that you should use the hr system, because obviously I don't know how hr works in schools, but I think that you need to pull them up for misconduct. If their behavior can be evidenced, then you need to, because what the message is, what that you're sending to the other members of staff is insubordination, disrespect and a disregard for your authority will not be tolerated because they've taken it to an extreme. Now. If they're doing your job for free, how long do you think it's going to be before you don't even have a job? Sis, when we talk about safeguarding, we have to safeguard our career. You have to protect it, and I need you to remove the fact that they're black women, because it doesn't mean much to them for the fact that they're black women, because it doesn't mean much to them.
Speaker 1:I've worked in a place before where somebody had interviewed for the job, who had been working there for a long time, didn't get it. I came in and she made it her sole mission to make sure I lose that job. She even complained about me that I was bullying her. How can somebody who is giving up their time to train you be bullying you? Simply because I asked her if she had completed a piece of work that I had given her? She said that I said it in front of people. Well, am I going to say it in secret? My boss came to talk to me about it. I said don't talk to me about this. This is rubbish. If she has a problem, she should make a formal complaint against me. But what I'm not going to have is a smear campaign because it's it's leaving poison everywhere. I don't want it. Do you know that when you do things to the children of god with clean hands? When god said, vengeance is his, the ancestors said oh yeah, hmm.
Speaker 1:When our team was taken over by a new manager, what do you think is going to happen? Redundancies. And guess who was on top of the list of the redundancies? The very same lady that I was training that accused me of bullying that one. Do you know that this girl came to confess to me? She asked me if she could speak to me in private. Do you know that this girl came to confess to me? She asked me if I could, she can speak to me in private.
Speaker 1:This is where she apologized for how she's treating me, that it's not me that she's angry with, it's the organization. And she applied for my job. She didn't get it and then I came to do the job and now she's my admin assistant that she felt disrespected. I said but I didn't disrespect you, I wasn't involved. I wasn't here, darling, it's nothing to do with me. Then she went on to start crying that she's now being made redundant. Can I put in a word for her? Absolutely. I told her I can't put in a word for you because I wasn't involved in the redundancy and also, as well, you know you made a complaint against me to the boss. I was bullying you. You didn't formalize it, but I'm not sure. Are you gonna retract that statement that you made? She's actually gonna retract it. I'll say thank you. Can you imagine that's a fellow black woman just like me?
Speaker 1:Sometimes you have to challenge the system you work in by using the system you work in. I think that it's high time that you exercise your ability to be a deputy headteacher and show the headteacher how it's done, because she doesn't want to do it, because she's scared of them, so you do it. Show her what it is to be a headteacher. You've got a burn folder. Do you think that you're here to collect burn folders just so you can look at it? I tell people all the time, collecting a burn folder is not just to look inside to make sure there's things in there.
Speaker 1:That burn folder is an evidence of continuous behaviour that makes your job difficult. That can be used to support any accusation that you make as a result of their bad behaviour, so use it. You make as a result of their bad behaviour, so use it. If you listen to Closet Racist, I even outlined a complaint that I made. That's how you should do it. It should be a very organised succinct. That's how you do it. They need to be reprimanded for their behaviour, even if it's a formal warning on their record. They're interviewing everywhere. They didn't get the job. So what do you think they're going to do? Come back and see you and smile. They're going to be angry and laying more poison. So, my dear, you've got something to do. Get busy, sis. Let us know the outcome and I hope that you'll continue to build that burn folder, but now you're going to use it.
Speaker 1:Now it's time to use that burn folder. Keep us updated and again, remember who you are. You are a deputy head teacher, whether you've been training for three years, four years, whatever, they believe that you are a safe pair of hands and that you can do the job. This is your first task. This is your first big deputy head teacher task. It's called human resources. The people that are being resourced have fallen short of an expectation of what's required to do the job. Now is your opportunity to get them in line. Now is your opportunity to get them in line.
Speaker 1:If you would like to follow me on social media Instagram Toya underscore Washington. If you want to follow me on TikTok, it's Toya underscore Washington. If you would like to follow me on Snapchat, it's Toya Washington. All one word. If you have a work-related dilemma or a life-related dilemma, email me In the subject box. Write us a dilemma. Dilemma. Keep it short, brief and straight to the point. Hello at toyotalkscom. Of course, you know that we have the masterclasses on the toyotalkscom website. Good, yeah, and start investing in yourself, okay, thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 1:If you are are on Spotify or Apple Podcasts listening to this podcast, please leave your comments, because I listen to all of them, listen, I read all of them and, unfortunately, I can't reply, but it really helps me in terms of charting and ranking of the podcasts and I really appreciate you all listening and supporting. I do have some pre-recorded episodes that I've pre-recorded a few months ago, so I'll be editing them and uploading those as well, because the messagings are pertinent and I know that you will want to listen. But I want to thank each and every one of you for your support, your love, your positivity, your DMs, your comments that you leave on the podcast platforms that you listen to. It's very much appreciated. Your group chats. Thank you, take care of yourself and each other and make sure you take your vitamins. My name is toyah washington and you have been listening to the toyah talks podcast.