Toya Talks
2 Truths and a Lie
Back Like I never left.
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www.toyatalks.com
https://toyatalks.com/
Back Like I never left.
Sponsorships - Email me: hello@toyatalks.com
TikTok: toya_washington
Twitter: @toya_w (#ToyaTalksPodcast)
Snapchat: @toyawashington
Instagram: @toya_washington & @toya_talks
www.toyatalks.com
https://toyatalks.com/
Guess who's back? Tell a friend Toya's back, toya's back, toya's back. Hey, everyone, welcome. It is me. It is I. It is the Toya Washington Live on direct.
Speaker 1:It's been a while, okay, it's been a while. Listen, I feel like social media is selling you a lie. As usual, it makes you think that if you see new mothers, they're getting it together. You will see them now putting a rear lip lip gloss on, then they are just doing their baby hairs using eco styler and then they're swaying their hips as they close the door, heading to drop their child off to nursery, as they head to work.
Speaker 1:Honey, the reality is, honey t washington me, her and I. I've been trying to figure it out. I'm wearing so many different hats and I feel like I needed to give myself the space and the grace to just figure it out and allow myself to acclimatize to what is my new normal. My daughter is now one, one years old, and I really don't know where the time has gone. First and foremost, secondly, I started a new, a new job as a perm member of staff. I still do my consulting on the side, but in terms of my occupation, I've gone from contractor to a perm honey. There's a lot of changes that have happened in my life within a short period of time and on top of all of that, I run my businesses and I'm just one person and I was like you know what? I'm stepping away and I need a break. And I'm not going to say how long this break is, because I actually don't know. I just know that I need to get used to whatever this normal is going to look like for me, and sometimes I find my stride, and other times I'm panting for breath, honey, because I'm tired, and then I've just acknowledged and accepted that being tired is a permanent state of being for me. Right now I have a young child, and that's just how it goes. And work, I'm figuring it out, honey. Listen, when they tell you that your hormones change after you have a child, during pregnancy, your hormones change you, that your hormones change after you have a child or during during pregnancy, your hormones change, then it says, um, it takes about two years for your body and your hormones to acclimatize post birth. And then, on top of that, you add a layer of a new job and trying to understand new acronyms, systems, people still doing your due diligence and operating in the Toyotalks mode. Honey, it is a lot. It is a lot.
Speaker 1:So I want to thank each and every one of you for reminding me how important Toyotalks podcast is, what it means to you. Thank you for those who are re-listening to episodes, because the gems live on beyond me. My love, there is a body of work that lives on beyond me and that was always my goal and I've always said there will be a time when the Toyotalks podcast will be no more. This is not then or this is not now. Whatever I'm back, but what I am committing to is doing podcast episodes as and when I believe I have something to say. I'm not going to say I'm going to do it every week and it don't come every week. I'm going to pre-record episodes and I have pre-recorded episodes from last year that need editing. Your girl has been under it, but the messages and the themes are still very relevant, so they will be coming out and I need to afford myself the time to edit those episodes. But thank you for staying loyal and locked.
Speaker 1:Staying loyal and look at that iteration dyslexic, where, okay, so I don't even know where. Where do I actually start? Being a permanent member of staff is not for the faint-hearted, by the way. Yeah, because everything that caused me to contract including obviously the money, but the social side of it I'm kind of being confronted with the need to emotionally invest in some form. And when I say emotionally invest, it's actually care about the end-to-end process of my work, whereas I've always been in delivery mode as a contractor. So that has been a lot.
Speaker 1:And I'll give an example. I was doing my um objective setting with my boss and I'm going to caveat this by saying I have an amazing boss. He is knowledgeable, highly regarded, highly respected, very supportive I don't think I've just said that and very authentic. And we don't always agree on certain things, but I love the fact that he is very open to considering my viewpoint. And then we find a compromise, especially in the job that we do. And I didn't know how I was going to get with him, because some people do not like you know when you're working with somebody that actually knows the job. Some people don't like employees who know their job because it highlights what they don't know. So you're looking now and hoping that you have a secure boss who's secure in themselves. I don't want my boss's job, I want my own. You know trajectory to director, do you understand? So it's actually nice to meet someone who is genuine.
Speaker 1:Obviously, I'm still observing him, but my initial review, having really stepped back and watched everything and doing my due diligence is that I have a very good boss who has my back, which is really really nice and comforting, and I know that is an exception, it's not always the norm, but those of you who have a good boss, please remember to tell them that they're actually really good, because sometimes I feel like we take it for granted, but there's a majority of people who have bosses from hell. Yeah, that being said, I was doing my objective setting and I had already set my objectives and I needed to amalgamate them with whatever view my boss would have, right. So I kept it quite light, nothing in depth. And my boss said to me when he reviewed it he goes, I need depth. I was like what do you mean? He goes. You know what I mean? I need depth. I'm going to need you to really commit your mind to setting objectives that have a long-term view in terms of your career with us.
Speaker 1:So I said to him you know, it's really difficult for me to do, because I've been a contractor for a whole seven years and I've never had to do this and I've never had to commit in the way that you're asking me to. And he said, yeah, but you've chosen to commit, your actions are saying it, so you need to compute it in your mind and then bring that to your objectives. And it was at that point I realized, okay, this is like a whole process change for me, ended up setting my objectives. He loved them and actually, because of everything we talk about here and everything we teach on the toy talks podcast, I was able to be like you know what I need to focus on, what the end goal is, what is it that I'm trying to achieve out of this role, out of this company and that needs to inform my objectives as a journey to get to where I want to go? But if I hadn't had that conversation, I wouldn't have realised the actual leaps and bounds you have to do in your mind and the switch you have to make to be able to commit yourself as a per member of staff.
Speaker 1:So for me, there was a learning there and I was like, wow, and I'm still acclimatizing honey. I was getting paid weekly and I'm getting paid monthly. I don't understand. I'm really confused. Even that West, they called me, is everything all right. I was like, listen, life has changed. Life has changed, but it's all good. I'm really happy. I'm really really busy as well. We don't. We're not mandated to be in the office. My role is remote, but there are times I have to go into the office more to meet my internal external stakeholders, or I have to go to client site. Um, I think I shared on the Instagram that um, when I started in this organization, I was benched because I was waiting for a project to be signed off. The project was signed off and then I was deployed onto the project. So sometimes I have to go to client site. But I think a lot of organizations who are progressive they understand that if you don't mandate that, people should come in, if they need to come in, it would be natural for them to do so. When you start becoming inflexible as an employer, people are going to rebel, they're going to look for an exit strategy or they're going to become very unhappy.
Speaker 1:I know someone in the industry who was working for a huge company and I mean global and when I found out she was working there, I was like wow, that's amazing, like walk me through how that happened and they had been remote. And then when, you know, when I don't want to say at the end of the pandemic I don't actually think the pandemic has ever like kind of finished. It is bubbling away there, you know, trying to not topple over the NHS. But when things kind of leveled out, they were mandated to go in three days a week. And she said to me I got to a point where I realized that flexibility is one of my non-negotiables and it hadn't been before because I didn't realise how flexible I needed work to be for me to have a work-life balance. So she tried to have the conversation with them. They were like, no, it's mandated across the company with no exception.
Speaker 1:So when she initially had a conversation with me, I said to her well, what about flexible working? And she said you know what to her, the type of flexibility I need from them, they wouldn't give me through a flexibility process. So she made the decision to leave. They were paying her over a hundred grand plus package in that job and she decided to walk away. And she said I have a list of people who walked away and it's because employees who have been in their bag, who are subject matter experts. They know their worth and there was other companies that are willing to pay a pretty penny for a knowledgeable um, a knowledgeable subject matter expert in in her field and it's so true.
Speaker 1:So she ended up leaving and it wasn't until she was leaving I think it was the last week they were fighting to get her to stay. Like they were like she thought, like they thought she was bluffing or something. She's a very serious person. So I was actually in my head. I was like how arrogant of this organization. But this organization is having a lot of turnover and it's an organization wouldn't even expect to have a lot of turnover, but they are, because also the other side of it is, I feel like when you get to a certain stage in your career, you can command certain terms that are non-negotiable for me.
Speaker 1:As for me, for instance, there's certain things that are non-negotiable for me. I don't mind working later on deals or projects or if I'm deployed on a project that requires, like um, the project I'm on, the entire team is global. So we're dealing with um different um hours of working and things like that and time differences, and I don't mind working a bit later because I'm working for a company that's flexible, so I'm willing to do the same. I'm mirroring that flexibility. But if you're now mandating things and you're making people uncomfortable, you're starting to demand three days a week is not hybrid to me, I'm sorry. It's hybrid insofar as companies are able to get away with it, but the true nature of hybrid is not three days a week, so two days from home.
Speaker 1:That's bullshit, especially if somebody is looking for flexibility. That is bullshit. It's what you know work, the working day doesn't accommodate for people with kids. If your child's in nursery, your child nursing may finish close about 6 6 30 if your child nursing may close about 6, 6.30. If your child's in school mainstream school they finish what? Between 2.30 and 3.30? But if you're working till 5, your job finishes at 5, what's supposed to happen? You have to spend more money on after-school clubs, on childcare, to be able to work those three extra hours. So that's crazy and I'm going to be really honest. Company that I joined they're flexible, but anyhow I got there and they weren't flexible. I'd find my flex out of there because I'm not willing to do it.
Speaker 1:I think it's crazy that in this day and age of where we're having a lot more open conversation, where we have access to social media, where we understand our worth, where we are creating opportunities to increase our worth, that they're still organizations that are willing to cut their nose to spite our face. Because they're still people who are willing to be shortchanged by organizations. Anyone who knows me or is around me, or someone who's in my inner circle, they get toy talks very regularly. But that cannot happen. If I'm to enjoy my job, I need the flexibility to be able to actually have a life outside of my job. It's picking up my daughter from nursery. It's ensuring that I pick her up in a time or in a timely manner, that she's not the only child left by the time I pick her up. It's knowing that I can call up my boss and say I've had a really long day today. I'm logging off at two. There's no impact to my annual leave or my salary and there's just an adult approach to employment. That's what I'm looking for and that's what I will never be able to compromise on. So if there are many things you get from Toya Talks, I hope it's the ability to advocate for yourself, know your worth and increase your confidence, to be able to assert yourself and assert your wants.
Speaker 1:So, since I've been away, since I've been away from the podcast those of you who follow me on social media will know that I went to the motherland. Honey, my husband is half Kenyan and my daughter was turning one, so we decided that we would celebrate her one-year birthday and we would get her baptized in Kenya. So we went to Kenya for just over two weeks or slight, yeah, just over two weeks. We went on holiday and it was two weeks or slight, yeah, just over two weeks. We went on holiday and it was amazing because there was a lot of surprises. Um, there was like a a surprise family reunion as well, which was really, really nice, and it was just an opportunity for my daughter to be bossed and just covered in love and she just sh like she had the absolute time of her life. And to see the love and the happiness of everyone made me feel so good Because for me, I've made the decision to go no contact. My daughter didn't make that decision. I did for my mental health and I was always worried about the implications on my child because of that decision I made, and I'm really comfortable and happy to say that there's been no implication on her because she has another side of the family who just love her so much. So we went to Kenya. We had an amazing time and you know there was a suya spot because you know where, where one Nigerian is found, many are gathered. The sewer wasn't all there, okay, um.
Speaker 1:But during my time in Kenya I just took the time as much as I could to kind of research what was going on in the world. Look at some of the updates, uh, in um legislation, employment law within the UK, and I read a lot of your emails that you had sent in terms of dilemmas, advice and as much as possible I responded to everyone and some people I just said listen, when and as I can, I will come back, but right now I'm on a break. So anyone who wants to resend or if you still have a lingering issue, please email hello at toy talkscom. So whilst on holiday, I was advised by my sis Rose to listen to the Amanda Seale interview with Shannon Sharp. Right, and I'm going to be really honest when I say that I had a lot of assumptions about Amanda Seale.
Speaker 1:First of all, I thought she was mixed race, which informed my view about some of her opinions that she had and I I never. Really. It's really weird because I was always very indifferent to her. For me. I said to my sis Rose I was like when was the last time you saw Amanda Seale smile? And then I had to. I had to catch myself and say you know what? There's no obligation to smile. Maybe she's got nothing to smile about. But I think what I really wanted to say is Amanda still has never kind of struck me as like warm, and there is no obligation to be warm either, but she's not personable and I could never really relate to her personable and I could never really relate to her. And I couldn't relate to her because I always felt that she was very, whenever she talks, I always feel like there's always something sitting behind it. That was always negative.
Speaker 1:And when I listened the first time I listened to the interview with Shannon Sharp I learned that Amanda Seale was a black woman. She grew up with a level of privilege, albeit that she doesn't necessarily acknowledge it herself. And Shannon Sharp is a really shit interviewer. He doesn't know how to interview and he was so ill-equipped to interview Amanda Seale because not only is she very smart and she's very learned and very educated, but she has her perspective and, rather than attack her for her view, I think challenging her thought process for understanding was always going to be a better approach. He was very uninformed about her, but what it did show is why the hell what it did show and help.
Speaker 1:One question is why the hell did she do the interview? I don't understand the purpose of it because she is and she would describe herself as a black female ally. But the problem I have with Amanda Seale is you can't call yourself educated in black historics but then you're calling somebody on set of um what's that Issa Rae show that she did? I can't remember Mum Brain and she called him a little N and in my head I'm like I've always had an issue with People who put themselves out to be A black advocate of African Historics or black history. Then you start using the N word in conversation. It's kind of like A bit of a paradox, especially if we understand the history of the. The n-word do you understand? So things like that makes me question whether she's truly understanding certain things that she's researching, because in the exchanges she's having it's not demonstrating that to me.
Speaker 1:Um shannon sharp went on to criticize her experience of racism and questioned. You know, as a child, you know her experience of racism and whether it was really racism or was it children being nasty and shannon sharp, I feel like he gaslights black women, I feel like he speaks down on black women and I feel like he is uninformed and uneducated about the plight of black women in america, in the world and in history. That's my view. I just do not like him and I don't know why his, his podcast is popular and I don't know whether it's because he's a controversial character, because he's such an idiot. I don't know, and I don't use the word idiot to describe people a lot, but he's an idiot and I can't listen to him. And I only listened because Amanda Seale was on that episode or, as I think it was a three-parter, my friend encouraged me or my sister encouraged me, to go and and listen to him.
Speaker 1:I think that the issue, the main issue that just from the interview that I took from it, is Amanda Seale. She always hopes for the best in people and she's looking for safe spaces in Hollywood and each of those things do not make sense to me, because everyone knows, especially from what has come out from child stars, famous people, that Hollywood is not a safe space, irrespective of race. It's just not a safe space. But to put put your hopes and hope for the best in people. Personally, for me, I can't live my life like that, because human beings are are designed to let you down, and if you are lucky enough to meet a human being who doesn't let you down, you have to give them grace that one day they will. I think it's a very elementary way to think that if I hope for the best, it will come. It's not always that way and I think, hoping for the best, people will say well, it's a positive way of thinking, but you have to almost give grace or give um or consider an alternative to the fact that some people will let you down, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:And there's there, was it just felt like with Amanda Seale? There's a lot of anger, there's a lot of upset, there's a lot of distress, there's a lot of disappointment, because I think that a lot of the people who have let her down have been the black women that she is so diligently advocating for. Her relationship with Issa Rae was in the microscope as well and, to be honest with you, I do believe that she had a very negative experience with Issa Rae. I do believe that she didn't want to say anything up until now because she was protecting Issa Rae, but I do also accept that Issa Rae did not protect and has not protected Amanda Seale. I think Issa Rae is also consumed with the success of Insecure quite rightly, she worked hard on it. But if I'm to believe some of the things that Amanda Seale said knowing there's three sides to every story your side, that person's side and the truth the fact still remains that Amanda Seale is an award winning actress. She's very multi-faceted and she's very talented.
Speaker 1:But the problem with her is, I feel, that she needs to take a step back and she needs to place value on who she is and what she is and and what she brings to the table. As a black woman, she, to me, is an example of when you do not know your value and you sell your, your ability to be able to grace people with your knowledge. When you, when you cheapen the package of who you are, people like shannon sharp will mug you off on an interview and that's just the bare facts of it. I think that she over shares. I don't need to know that you were dating a drug dealer and he wasn't making money. So you were making money, you you are, you weren't. I don't understand, but I think it comes from wanting to be accepted. So I feel like she feels like if I overshare, I'm showing vulnerability, I'll be accepted, but that's not.
Speaker 1:I don't think she's aware of how she comes across, but I could still relate to her in a very strange way because that whole, you know the whole idea of being misunderstood and you know, even when she said that she was new, she's, even though she said she's neurodivergent, neurodivergent and she's been diagnosed with a form of autism, um and she was quite specific on the type of autism actually come to find that she didn't actually have a formal medical diagnosis is how she diagnosed herself. But the fact is that during the interview with sheldon sharp, she led us to believe or it could be, um inferred by what she said that she was diagnosed and again it erodes the authenticity of who she is and I think that she is neurodivergent. I definitely think that. But I think that she has an inability to take a step back and think before she talks and I just hope that Amanda Seale's interview is an example to all of us of what happens when you do not take a step back and think before you offer your talent and offer yourself to an industry that is not very kind to you, that you place value enough on yourself to say, actually, you know what I'm worth more than this. Because she had done an interview a year before with Jason Lee and I don't understand why I keep saying I don't understand why she did the interview with Shannon Sharp. That's my view. I just don't. I've never understood it. Someone help me understand. Hello at toyotalkscom, because I don't, I really don't know.
Speaker 1:Um, we've all seen the video of Cassie and P Diddy and again, my issue with P Diddy is has always been that you know all these situations that happen Amanda Seale and kind of that whole interview P Diddy. There's so many things that we can learn from certain situations, so I'll give an example. Peter D has single-handedly destroyed the legacy of all the artists on bad boy, past and present. We all knew that everything Cassie accused him of was true. She is. Listen, for me personally, cassie is the most unproblematic artist, person, actress. She was so when she said what, and we all heard how.
Speaker 1:P Diddy wasn't nice. If you watch making the band, he was a deplorable human being. But what was his actual talent? Hype man glorified hype man because in himself he's not very talented. The talents were biggie, smalls, the talents were mace, the talents were loon. Those were the talents, if we're going to talk about real talent, and he was just a talented businessman who craved the spotlight.
Speaker 1:And we see that in the world of work right, where you have managers who crave the accolades. They crave the attention, they want to bulldoze their way to the top, they want to bulldoze their way into being a shareholder and they do not place any value on their subordinates. They don't place any value on junior members of staff. They they just see them as a means to an end, but behave in such a crass way. And we see managers often rather than see employees as allies who will help them look good, because a manager's role is also to hire the right type of skill set and the right type of people who are going to deliver and ultimately make that manager look good. That's it. Then you have the people element of managing different personalities, and you don't necessarily have to like everybody you work with as a manager, but it's the idea that you know how to bring out the best in people. People respect you and your honesty, you're able to bring people together, or at least you're respected enough that people will find a way to resolve certain issues, because the common goal is whatever that manager has set for that team. It's not fucking rocket science. And PDD was the managing director of that team and he fucked it up and he fucked it up. He fucked it up and I'm so.
Speaker 1:I'm so happy for Cassie that she gets to live because she made the choice to walk away and save her life, and I'm so appalled and so sad that she went through the abuse that she did. And the victims because there are others that they have found their voice through Cassie, kind of setting the wheel of emotion to expose the truth. But P Diddy his legacy is tarnished and the people who are going to pay the price for thisdy his legacy is tarnished and the people who are going to pay the price for this are his legacy. It's his kids, it's them girls, honey. It's just sad, it's just real sad.
Speaker 1:So let's get to the meat potatoes, the chicken, the rice and the sweet potatoes and the broccoli and the gravy of this episode which I'm entitling, I think, two truths and a lie. Have you ever started a job and maybe joined a new team or whatever the case is, and maybe do icebreakers. Well, there is a icebreaker called two truths and a lie, and basically you tell two truths and one lie and everyone around you has to guess which, what the lie is. So it's a way to get to know someone. You see one thing with me I mind my fucking business because I have low iron. I'm a new mother and I'm wearing all these different hats, so I do not have the physical, the mental or the psychological time for shit. I place value on my time as well, and my time is money. So when I started this new role, my view was that I'm just gonna focus and understand in the ecosystem of where I'm working, I'm gonna settle down and on board properly, and on boarding for me is going to take a whole year, and I'll tell you why it's going to take a whole year because I need to understand how this company works.
Speaker 1:Especially when you're working for a global organizations that have offices all over the world, or you're working, for example, a consultancy that has offices all over the world, you have to really understand how you interface. You need to understand who are your finance business partners. You have to find out who is your. You know your internal critical stakeholders. You need to understand how you slot in. You need to understand how you become a bridge to other departments. You need to develop your role because they may have a view of your role, a job description of your role, but you ultimately are molding that role into your role. There's so many different layers but when it comes to this two truth and a lie, honestly, stay ready, stay ready, stay ready, stay ready in your head. I think. Prepare from now in it what your two truths and the light are as your icebreakers. And you need to be strategic because, as much as they're trying to extrapolate information from you, you need to be doing your due diligence and navigating correctly to give them enough, but not too much.
Speaker 1:If you know me, you know I love me a handbag honey. I love designer handbags and it comes from the 16 year old me that used to get on the victoria line at seven sisters into central london from for my job when I was in retail and I would see all these women with beautiful handbags and back in the day that was real leather for these bags and I always used to say, when I get older, I'm gonna buy a nice bag. And then I was like I'm gonna buy nice bags and I know for you or probably listen to this some of you'll be like what do you mean? I'm telling you that the 16 year old me just really liked bags. I've always liked handbags and I used to get on the train early, earlier than my shift, just so I can see the women going into central London, getting on the train and having a look at all their bags. So fast forward to me in my late 30s yeah, honey, that black don't crack me in my late 30s and being able to say you know what, if I really want a handbag, I work hard, I save, I can get my bag. I've amassed a nice healthy bag collection and some of them are investment pieces and I haven't gone too crazy.
Speaker 1:I do not like birkin bags.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to put that out there. I don't like. I don't like Birkin bags. I don't like the look of them, um, and I like. I don't necessarily like bags because they're on the runway. I like quite vintage bags as well and I like bags that are maybe not what everybody else likes, but I can make it work for me and I like what I like. I don't follow trends. If you don't like something, it doesn't mean I'm not gonna like it. If I like it, I like it. Do you understand? That's how I move and I hope my daughter's like that just very independent in thought, like, make your own decisions, don't follow the crowd. And obviously you know they, as they develop their characters as kids, they, they will develop their identity. But she's quite independent. I'm hoping to continue to protect that because I'm like that as well as a person.
Speaker 1:And being an independent person is what is required to be an independent thinker. And that's what I'm trying to get my daughter to be an independent thinker. Not for anything else other than because she's responsible for the decisions she makes. And I believe that a leader doesn't even have to be the loudest or has to be the person in front. It just has to be the person that's independent in thought and can make individual decisions without having the majority back her. She just needs to understand that her voice matters as well and actually she may be the person that everybody conforms to. Thinking is the right approach to certain things. Do you know what I mean? But being an independent thinker also means that you're not easily swayed just because the majority think a certain way, right?
Speaker 1:So when I started my new job back in April, I decided to treat myself. This year I'm going to be 40, so anything I want this year I'm buying for myself, all in the aid of celebrating my 40th. Because I remember when I had turned 30, my dad had died, um, a few months before and I never celebrated that 30th birthday because there was nothing to celebrate as far as I was concerned. And I always said to myself if God blesses me to get to the age of 40, I'm really gonna just treat myself. And that's what I've done. Is, you know, this year and just any time, like you know, if I'm leaving a job, I always told you, if I'm leaving a job, finished a contract, I'd always reward myself.
Speaker 1:So I got me a cute bag, I got me a ysl, I got me an isa lauren, listen, you know, in america, you see, when they talk about their bags and everything, it's not a big deal. It's only here in the uk, everyone use their mouth looking like firewood to come and judge everybody in america, these, these brands, it's not a big deal, but here, ah, you don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable or to feel some type of way. Let me tell you something when you work hard for something, you deserve it. Especially, you didn't steal it, you work hard for it. I used, I bought my okay, I bought my totes bag and I love that, that bag. Honestly, I love it.
Speaker 1:So my first day my new job, I won a bag. And the lady that came to greet me, who's in our team? She was very lovely, very nice, but she was looking at me a little too long. Okay, in my head I was like girl, what's up? Anyway, so I've been into the office a few times and, granted, every time I go in, I have a different vibe because I'm in a different mood. That's the truth.
Speaker 1:So fast forward now to a team meeting. The team that I'm on we've grown quite quickly, quite rapidly, and we were having a team meeting on site in London and, oh, we were playing two truths and a lie. So it was my turn. So my first truth. No, my two truths and a lie. So let me tell you what I said. I said, um, I love designer handbags and I have like a wardrobe and it's just literally full of designer bags, vintage bags, um, you name it. When it comes to bags. I probably know like a thing or two about bags. My my second one was I did martial arts as a child and I still do martial arts as and when I have the time to, and it's something that I'm really passionate about. I've won a couple of medals for, I'd say. My next point also is I am a massive WNBA fan. Like, I love the NBA anyway, but I love women's basketball and, um, you know, I I spend a lot of time researching and I have my favorite players, and that's kind of my thing.
Speaker 1:Before I could finish my last sentence to say, okay, tell me which is the two trees, and a lie, this lady that has been checking for me that my energy has been telling me just watch this one that anytime she sees me she will look me up and down, like, and I don't have a problem with you looking me up and down, but it's the energy that you're bringing with it, baby, it's giving negativity, like what's all that? Before I can finish my sentence, she goes oh it, um, she goes. Well, I know the bag is the truth, because every time I see you've got a different bag. I said look at the devil himself, look here, look here, see one thing about the devil he's not patient. He come out any opportunity he's out. I said, look at this, look at this old pencil, look at this one. I said, wow, you know people who look, look, look at you too much. It's insecurity, because now I know she's checking for all my bags. She's never once complimented me on those bags, she's never once mentioned it to me.
Speaker 1:But she waited for a public forum of the entire team to come out with that and people were just looking at her like girl, that was a bit aggressive, that was a bit mmm. You've been holding that shit in and you'll be. I bet you're wondering. Okay, but Toya, what's the point? Well, I'm sure you've grasped the point. Those who have ears have received the message. Sometimes you have to flush out that bad spirit that lingers. Sometimes you gotta flush out the devil and I use that that, that two truths and a lie, to flush out that bad belly woman. So now she is in my mind's eye.
Speaker 1:I'm watching this woman and do you know something? She's quite problematic in the team. She's very problematic as I've observed her, but she knows not to try me, because I don't give off that energy that makes you think that you can try me, because I don't have the time for you to do that shit. And I'm fucking grown. I do not know what is about older women past a certain age that are angry when they see younger women operating in their purpose. I fucking don't understand it, because when I see my young sisters coming up, I want them to be better than me. I'm celebrating them, I'm complimenting them, I'm encouraging them. Damn, I have a whole platform dedicated to women and I speak to black women. So by virtue of that, do you understand? Unless you're coming for me, I'm coming for you. But listen, this woman has a problem and it stems from an inadequacy within herself. That is a her problem.
Speaker 1:You see, growing up, I used to take it on me. Why, why do you feel that way about me? I used to be that person. I'm an ex-people pleaser. Believe me when I tell you that a lot of the time that someone has a problem, it's all about that person. It's got nothing to do with you.
Speaker 1:But I needed to understand very quickly who I am working with and how I'm going to work with them, because I'm planning to be here for some time. So I'm not willing to place myself in a situation where I become vulnerable or I become food okay. So when I'm talking about doing your due diligence this is an example of due diligence sometimes you have to play the devil at his own game two truths on a motherfucking lie, honey, and before I could get anything out and you need to be careful about the information as well that you're sharing and allowing to be generated about you. I'm quite happy for you to know I've got a one-year-old because my boss has a young family. So for me I was like, okay, cool, I feel safe to share that, because the same way I may have to take a day off here, a day off here, it's the same way you're gonna have to, because kids get sick in a nursery. So I can align like that.
Speaker 1:I'm looking for common ground when I'm doing my due diligence, because if I'm gonna invest my time here, I need to see how I'm going to operate in a space and I I know work is never going to be my safe space, but I need to be able to feel comfortable to operate as myself. I don't need to be safe, I just need to feel comfortable to operate as myself. Safety is in my home darling, because as black women. We understand that, irrespective of oh, we're like a family shit, at the end of the day, black women are the most disrespected gender and race in society and the people you work with are members of that mother fucking society. Okay, okay, do you hear me? I'm gonna say this. No way you work is perfect. It's not supposed to be perfect, but when, um, relationships, like with work, break down, there is a post-mortem. That needs to happen, okay, and it's when you have come through the other end.
Speaker 1:The post-mortem is, and it needs to start with how did I contribute to this? I didn't say am I to blame. I'm saying how did I contribute? So, for example, if I've worked in a place and I've shared so many different examples with you where the relationship has broken down, or you know, when I was contracting, or even before I was contracting, I've shared so many different things, when I do the post-mortem, I always say, okay, you know what, what could I do to improve? Because where did I go wrong here? What would I never allow to repeat? And what did I learn about myself that I didn't know before? That's how I move, because for me, I I'm a student of life and I need to place my position, myself, in a position where I'm always learning. I'm not always right.
Speaker 1:So in the times when I've had to be direct and forceful and advocate for myself and ensure that I'm creating an opportunity for myself to continue to flourish and grow, and I'm having to deal with certain things and I'm having to slay lions and tigers and bears, there is still a post-mortem that happens at the end of all of that, when I've come through the other side, or at the end where I'm like okay, you know what, toya, maybe you know you could have done this differently, or even if it would have yielded the same outcome. Okay, what have you learned that you're going to take into? You know your next role, or as a personal growth development. I think in those terms because I feel like if you think in those terms, then you're able to grow and you're able to build and you're able to have a very holistic view of life and your experiences and the world of work.
Speaker 1:I feel very vulnerable when it comes to work, whether as a contractor or as a perm, because when, when the commercial space changes, it affects your role. If you have one person who is not great in the team, it affects the morale of the team. If you have a bad manager, it could literally destabilize any type of um calm, progress or any type of type of focus. So for me, the world of work is never a safe space. And do I feel like I'm looking over my back or should be? No, not necessarily, but I do feel like I should never be too comfortable and that's what I'm trying to explain in this episode and I have explained in other podcast episodes about not being too comfortable. You see that game of two truths and a lie.
Speaker 1:I could have said anything that divulged personal information about myself, but I will never place myself in an additionally vulnerable position to give you more information than I need to, because that information will be used against you, that information will filter through or filter out. That information will be added to anybody's personal view of you. That oversharing and that need to be accepted that you have needs to be dealt with, because when you go into the world of work, you are vulnerable. When you go into the world of work, there's a different approach, because your environment has changed and you need to adapt. You need to understand how to navigate in a way that is safe in unsafe environments. You need to be planning. You can't be too comfortable because I'm telling you all now I've got perm, but you better, you better know already that I know what's happening in my in my field. Listen, if, if it don't work out or if the team are made redundant, I have an exit strategy always, because I will never be food for you.
Speaker 1:I will never be vulnerable enough to allow myself to take my eye off the ball. I'm never gonna allow any manager or any organization to be the architect of my career, and what I have learned through my career is that your career is what you decide to make it. Where you decide to spend your time, where you decide to grow. It's up to you. I'm going to leave it there. You know they say a word is enough for the wise, and this is the first episode after a long time. So hopefully you're going to digest this, receive it, appreciate it. Hopefully you're going to reignite conversation about the toy talks podcast in your group chats on whatsapp.
Speaker 1:Honey, those of you who are in malta doing dlt, just remember, honey, we don't need to see you shaking your ass on social media that lands in your workplaces because you've decided to share your social media with your colleagues who are in your workplace and who are not your friends. I don't know why I'm like this. Anyway, let me leave it there. I want to say thank you to each and every one of you who have been patient, who have um graced me with your listening ears, those of you who receive the learnings, those of you who have re-listened to the Toyotalks podcast, those of you who are writing in, have written in, sharing the podcast, bought the masterclasses. I appreciate each and every one of you. But, more importantly, I want to say this the Toyotalks podcast has a lot of episodes, and there was a point where I was recording every week.
Speaker 1:Whatever you're going through in the world of work, there is an episode for it. I'm almost certain of that. As the podcast evolves and grows. Yeah, you know, there's going to be times when you, for two, three weeks, I may not have recorded, but I'm always going to leave you with a body of work that you can refer to. You have to make the decision to invest in yourself enough to just listen with an open mind to receive what I'm saying, and then it's up to you to action what I'm saying to change your circumstance. If you want to follow me on social media type Toya underscore Washington. I'm on TikTok Toya underscore Washington and, of course, if you have a work or life dilemma, your anonymity will be protected. Make sure you mention it's a dilemma in the subject and email. Hello at toytalkscom. My name is Toya Washington and you've definitely been listening to the Toya Talks podcast.