Balancing Fatherhood and Career: Jon Slavet on Parenting, Vulnerability, and Family Heritage

Thanks to a mentor, friend, and former QB Dadcast guest (Jeffrey Neal), we welcome Jon Slavet, a Silicon Valley executive, who shares his deeply personal journey through fatherhood.   On this heartfelt episode of the Quarterback Dadcast, Jon opens up about the significance of cherishing small, everyday moments with our children and offers a touching narrative about his stepson's unique nickname for him. We dive into the joys, challenges, and humorous surprises that come with parenting, emphasizing the importance of presence and gratitude in nurturing family bonds.

Balancing a demanding career with family time is no easy feat, especially within a blended family. Jon gives us an intimate look at the complexities of custody arrangements and the personal growth necessary to manage impatience and set realistic expectations. Through his stories, we explore the power of vulnerability in fatherhood—how admitting mistakes and apologizing can strengthen relationships and foster personal development. This episode serves as a guide for navigating the ups and downs of being a dad, offering invaluable lessons on how to be there for your kids despite professional pressures.

We also delve into Jon's rich family history, tracing his grandfather's immigrant journey and the values passed down through generations.  Jon's family immigration story to Ellis Island was a fresh reminder for me on how lucky we are to live in freedom in the United State.  

This episode shines a light on the mental and emotional health of men, with insights from experts.  We learned about the new and exciting podcast Jon is launching called "Halftime with Jon", aimed at supporting men through midlife challenges. Wrapping up, we emphasize the importance of community and shared experiences in building better leadership at home and in society. Tune in for an inspiring conversation that promises to leave you more connected to your family and your roots.

Please don't forget to leave us a review wherever you consume your podcasts! Please help us get more dads to listen weekly and become the ultimate leader of their homes!

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:03

Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder, and this is my dad show. Hey, everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dad cast, and, as I promised, we do finally have a new and exciting sponsor that's going to be joining us over the next 13 weeks or so, and they it is called the authentic edge podcast, which is going to be launching very, very soon. It is a podcast that is led by the fantastic and successful Jason DeLuca and executive sales and people leader at Dexian, as well as with a Paul DeFrancenzo, who is a global sales leader at indeedcom. This podcast, authentic edge, as I mentioned, is, is launching in the next month and it's really about a journey into the heart and genuine relationships into the workplace. So they're going to talk about uncovering the profound impact that authenticity has on establishing instant trust, fostering long-term partnerships, as well as creating serendipitous connections that evolve into endearing business and personal relationships, which is exactly how I would describe my relationship with Jason and Paul. So, without further ado, let's get right to the next episode, and I hope that you check out the authentic edge wherever you consume your podcasts. Well, hey, everybody, it is Casey Jay Cox with the quarterback dad cast.

Speaker 2: 1:19

We're in season five, as you well know, and, uh, today's guest is um, someone I'm very excited to talk to because he comes anytime you get referred people. It's like the ultimate compliment and specifically coming from the person who referred him, which is the one and only Jeffrey Neal, one of the best leaders I work for in my career, a huge mentor in my life. You heard him in season one. You heard his very, very empowering and exciting story and really heartfelt about his relationship with his father before his dad passed away, which obviously my dad passed away in December 29th 2021 on December 29th, as you know for those who are followers of the podcast.

Speaker 2: 1:58

But our next guest is extremely talented executive, a Silicon Valley native. He's part of the mighty big green from Dartmouth. He's spent time at places such as Electronic Arts, npr, wired, to name a few, but he's also done a lot of board work. But that's not why we're having John on. We're having John Slavin on the podcast because we're going to talk about John the dad, how he's working hard to become that ultimate quarterback or leader of his household, and we're also going to learn about an exciting new podcast that he's going to be launching. But other than that, john, welcome to the Quarterback Dadcast.

Speaker 3: 2:32

Thank you so much, casey. It's great to be here looking at your smiling face radiating good energy, we got to bring it man Quarterback.

Speaker 2: 2:41

We got to enter the huddle with energy to get people fired up.

Speaker 3: 2:45

Indeed, Indeed even in the glum rainy times. Well today it's sunny. In Seattle it's sunny. I see you've got some sun in your room. Of course, I'm in Northern California, so we're pretty sunny.

Speaker 2: 3:00

There we go. Well, we always start out each episode with gratitude, so tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?

Speaker 3: 3:07

That's a great question. Well, this morning, as it happens, I'm standing in my kitchen making myself some toast and my stepson, who's five, who's the youngest in my circle, he comes running and he says, hey, buckle up. And I thought for a sec, why is he calling me buckle up? And it's because whenever he and my other youngest, teddy, get in the car, I turned my head to the back seat and I say you guys buckled up. So he decided to call me buckle up as his next nickname for me. So I'm grateful for these little people we've got in our lives and the stuff that comes out of their mouths. And I have to remember to, uh, you know, stop and bend down because I have two older girls and look in their little faces, to uh, just see what's in their face, appreciate them, see that that little beautiful, uh, you know, look in their eyes and their face and and acknowledge it, be grateful for it. So that's what I'm grateful for this morning.

Speaker 2: 4:10

I love it, man, that that, just like they got goosebumps when you said that and I felt I felt the word presence, like being present, which is a topic we've done many episodes on about um, like I let last week last week, I think it was I had this quote, that's. It was like the third time someone told me he said that that um days are long and the years are short, and three people told me that I was like, and so like when I get inspired through someone else, I'd like to that's when I'll post on LinkedIn about it to try to like share the wisdom further. And like that, when you said that you had any older girls but you got the young ones, it's like being that present is what a gift you gave them and you didn't let the day get by. So I love the gratitude you shared there. What I'm grateful for is we're recording in May this episode will come out in the future and my son has his first like legit girlfriend and she's fantastic, and my wife and I were high school sweethearts. His girlfriend's parents are high school sweethearts. I'm just like well, how cool would it be if this was the one you know. You never know. I don't want no pressure rider, but, uh, she's just the best. And so they have her high school prom and she goes to a different high school and, uh, watching him, I'm grateful for how much maturity I've seen him, grateful for how much maturity I've seen him like this in the last six months.

Speaker 2: 5:27

But he asked her to prom. He's like a big high school golfer. He's going to play golf in college next fall and he did this little scavenger hunt for her. When he asked her to prom and he got, the parents gave him the garage code. So he went in the house and set up all this like, um, you know, scavenger hunt with notes. And then, when she finally got the last one, he said go to the backyard. And so she goes to the backyard and he had spelled the word prom with golf balls in her backyard and he was standing there with flowers. I was like, dude, look at you, romantic, this is a thoughtful young man. Yeah, I was like are you mine? Where did you get that? And so I'm grateful for that moment and it was pretty cool to celebrate.

Speaker 3: 6:04

That's fantastic. I, of course, as a father of two teenage girls as well, wish that they never find anyone Right. Of course, no boys, no boys, at least for a while I'm kidding, of course. My older daughter had a great first boyfriend and I knew the dad and he said to me when they got together isn't it great that these two great young people get to have the experience of being boyfriend and girlfriend with each other the first go around? And I said, yeah, that's it's, it's a good thing.

Speaker 3: 6:42

So, of course, every dad of girls you know goes through, uh, different stages, but, yeah, it's a good thing. So, of course, every dad of girls goes through different stages. But I like your story. Your boy sounds like a very self-aware guy with a good heart. And, of course, um, as the father of girls, what? What you know, if you talk to psychologists and uh, I talked to many in uh from my podcast is that the model for girls of the man they're going to choose as their dad assuming they choose a man and just so important uh to to model that.

Speaker 2: 7:22

Yeah no, it is. It's, um, my, my daughter's, uh, she's 15. Her boyfriend right now is the game of basketball, and which I hey, it's, it's, it's an easy. I don't have to worry about anybody trying to kiss her on the basketball court. So far, um, but uh, it's going to be interesting when that, when that switch finally gets turned on. But yeah, life is just slowing. I wish it would slow down a little bit, because it seems like it's speeding up, yeah.

Speaker 3: 7:52

Days long, years short. That really struck me. And when you have kids, time speeds up in a major way. People who don't have kids can't relate to that the way that we can. There's something about the passage of time that's accelerated with children and we got to wake up and understand that these days can't be taken for granted. No, 100% man.

Speaker 2: 8:27

Well said. Well, I'd like to transition and go in the theme of a quarterback. You know a quarterback tends to be the leader of the household, so bring me inside the Slavitt huddle, talk about each member of the team and what everybody's up to these days.

Speaker 3: 8:41

Well, you know, I've got the true and I'll put this in air quotes modern family, because I have an ex-wife who lives in Northern California as well and we have three kids together. So we have a 19-year-old girl, a 17-year-old girl and a 10-year-old boy. And then my wife and I have a stepson, her one boy. He's a kindergartner, so I've got between kindergarten to 19,. I've got the full gamut. And you know, day to day in my house we've got the two little boys, you know, a good amount of the time coming in and out, my wife and then my two other girls. Once teenagers drive and are independent, they spend their time wearing how they want.

Speaker 3: 9:32

So I find myself trying to be creative in wooing them to spend time with their father. I think any father of teenage girls knows they've got a lot of priorities and interests and school and they're both working several days a week front of house, in restaurants and retail and I'm so proud of them and also their mom, who is a therapist, who is extremely industrious and has encouraged them to be self-sufficient and they're making money and learning skills. So, day to day, most of the time it's the two little boys. So I've got this sort of young boy energy and they are chasing each other around, they are building stuff, they are being happy little kids.

Speaker 3: 10:21

In terms of my experience with a blended family, with young kids you go back to the future. So I am back to the future with a kindergartner, which is amazing, wonderful, sometimes frustrating. These little kids are figuring out how they interact with the world. You know when you're a young parent people will say, oh, your child's in the terrible twos It'll pass. The truth is that the terrible twos last until I don't know when they end. Five, six, seven Kids are figuring their stuff out. My wife is amazing because she allows him to express himself and when he's frustrated, happy, mad, sad, glad he can express himself and she lets him do that so he can understand how to work with his own emotions. She's amazing. She's amazing mom. So the thing you know, so it's, uh, there's a lot of activity, a lot of energy, a lot of love and uh, I'm learning how to be, uh, a dad in a blended family wow.

Speaker 2: 11:29

So my curious mind, I told you it's. You've activated it, john. So here, here's, here we go. I would love to know like you got two girls that are, you know, either maybe in college or about to go out or graduating high school. Let's say you get 10 year old and you, you got the stepson. Tell me what is the biggest thing you've learned about yourself going through the dad journey and then, almost like you're going back to the minor leagues. You made it to the major league, you're going back to the minors. You got to go through it again. So tell me what's the biggest thing you've learned about yourself that maybe you'll you'll do the same or you'll do it different.

Speaker 3: 12:00

That is a big, big question. A big big question. I think that it is interesting because when you do it once in a first relationship and then that relationship doesn't work, you decide to separate and divorce and you go into another relationship. You have the benefit of learning in hindsight and, of course, you have the risk of repeating mistakes, because it's hard to change behavior.

Speaker 3: 12:31

I think that the biggest things that I've learned are first, we talked about presence and being present. We're busy and I run in a circle of executive, professional dads some would call them alpha dads in the sense that they're you know. You know they're oriented to achievement and they also want to be great dads and what you find is there's a tension point there, because it's what are you valuing? How do you equally value, or how do you value relatively value, your achievement, your success, your career, and then being in the home and being a dad. Now, when we're on our deathbed, what we know is that everyone reports and takes stock of this, that it's relationships, family love, that are far and away number one, far and away. Nothing else competes with that. So I think the biggest lesson for me is when I'm with the kids. How do I be present and put anything out of my reach or my mind that would conflict with being present, and even if it's a small part of the day, do it.

Speaker 3: 13:50

I think the second lesson is and blended families really force this is if you're putting the kids first right. Sometimes you have to make choices that are not about the me I, and a great example of this is when you figure out a custody arrangement with an ex and there are young children in the middle. Sometimes for the dad, you need to understand that that child needs to be with the mom, and maybe more than you, and that is really hard to accept, and I counsel a lot of guys and a lot of dads who are going through this because it's the subject of the first season of our podcast. So I think it's those two things. I think it's be present, even if it's in short, targeted amounts of time. And the second is if you're putting your kids first, even if it's in short, targeted amounts of time. And the second is, if you're putting your kids first, be realistic and translate that into the custody schedule and your relationship with your ex and the mom.

Speaker 2: 14:55

Oh, it's well said man. It's um, I don't know why I'm going to share this, but you made me think like, uh, you know, one of the biggest things I've got out of talking to 250 some odd dads over five years is I haven't told, I haven't. I joke, but I mean it dead serious. I get free therapy at every episode. I'm learning about myself, learn about others, and I usually ask this question at the end, but I'll just I'll lead of those moments that I think because I've talked to so many dads and I'm talking about fatherhood so much that and one of my gaps that my dad rest in peace, pops was his impatience and, as a very competitive guy, the most competitive people are impatient. Usually that's what happens. So I have to work really, really, really hard on patience and sometimes my expectations are high of myself and others and I've learned to like my expectations. Don't put those on people. That's not fair. And like my son last night. So he's, he's, he got a, he got a text from his college golf coach and uh, uh, we were like we're trying to go through the planning process of like, hey, when do we report? Hey, when, when do we get classes, all this stuff and he, uh, his first thing was he goes. You know, I got my, I got a text from the coach I go one detection he goes. Yesterday, and I didn't even ask him what it was about, I just responded and reacted. I said, well, why didn't you tell us, dude, and you know? And then so I like he's like, oh sorry, you know, and I didn't like beat him up, but I got on him quick Cause I'm trying to teach him the power of like communication and setting expectations and getting ahead of things. And, um, my wife, after he goes upstairs he wasn't like bummed, but my wife goes. I think that was a little little, little too much.

Speaker 2: 16:37

And I was like, and my ego first was in the way of the wall goes up, and I didn't, I didn't say it, but internally I felt it and I go no, because I'm trying to teach him and I sat in my own shit part of my French and I'm like dude, chill out. And I remember I go hey, and I and I call I go writer. Yeah, I hear those. Yeah, I go, come here, bud, come on top stairs. I go. Hey, dad overreacted. No, dad, no, I said yeah, I did.

Speaker 2: 17:04

I said I didn't give you a chance to respond. I said that's on me and so it's like moments of that, like, um, I don't know why you inspired me to share that story now and I'm airing my own self out of my own podcast, but, like, I hope that, like me, like being vulnerable to share that to you or others who are listening, like when you're not your best, like apologize and make it right and don't be um and there's things I wish I would do over. Like, sometimes my impatience got the best of me as a young dad. I wish I could go back to dude. Why did you do that? Not that big a deal, but, um, I think it's almost like you get, you get to give yourself a gift because you get to go back and I'm a second chance. If there's things, you. That's why I asked like, if there's things that you want to change, you have the ability to do so. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 17:46

Yeah, and that's a good prompt. You mentioned the word authenticity or vulnerability. When I was growing up, the word vulnerability I was allergic to. I even thinking about the word, you know, would give me a rash. I mean I'm being metaphorical, you know, would give me a rash. I mean I'm being metaphorical.

Speaker 3: 18:07

And for some reason, you know, the whole boys don't cry thing, which is still real in, you know, society for men in the U S, all too real is a real block actually to getting in touch with your heart and and and really being connected to children, because children are in their hearts most of the time. We learn as we get older to kind of go up to the mind and the prefrontal cortex and deal with life through the mind, but the truth is that a lot of the wisdom and intelligence is actually in the body and the heart and the gut, and so I'd say the other lesson that you reminded me of is taking the chance to be vulnerable with children and the body and the heart and the gut. And so I'd say the other lesson that you reminded me of is taking the chance to be vulnerable with children. Yeah, it is an amazing connection point.

Speaker 2: 18:53

Yeah, and I think it just it teaches them, because I love vulnerability, it's one of my pillars of life, it's what I teach, I try to teach it to like business leaders I work with. But I think when you're vulnerable, to show what you're, what you suck at or where you're not your best, you, you teach your kids that it's okay not to be perfect, because social media right now tells them the opposite. Like everybody's perfect on social media, everyone's perfect on LinkedIn. Look, I'm smiling, I'm awesome, I'm great, we're all flawed, we're all effed up, we all got gaps, but it's like what are you going to do each day to get better? What are you going to do to own your shit, to own your?

Speaker 2: 19:23

I'm going to make sure I got to put this little E explicit next to my emotions coming out. That's no F-bombs yet, but a couple of couple of shits here and there. Well, I love how this was started off, but before I get going too far, I always like asking my guests. We're going to rewind the table a bit and take me back to what was it like? What was life like for John growing up? And I'd love to understand the values that were really really important to your parents that you've then adopted from them to teach your kids.

Speaker 3: 19:51

Oh, I love this question. Well, I'm the product of a corporate lawyer dad and an artist mother, and to start with each of them, because they're both in my DNA, I lost my dad last year and you lost your dad a couple of years ago, arnie, he was 90 when he passed away and I was very, very close with him, particularly as an adult. Jewish refugees from Eastern Europe who fled persecution in the 1920s and, by the grace of God, found their way through Ellis Island and to Boston where my grandfather, when he was 17, my dad's dad, came speaking no English and became a apprentice plumber, and so he was a tradesman, worked with his hands, amazing guy and my dad really represented hardcore work ethic and he also had a touch with people and his favorite work was being a service to people in his law practice. My mom was kind of the fancier girl from the other side of the tracks. My dad was from a part of downtown Boston that was very working class. My mom grew up in a suburb called Newton, but my mom's DNA was also her dad, lenny, my grandfather. He liked to say that he went to the school of hard knocks. I know very trite was fifth grade education became a very successful life insurance guy. He was writing policies for Northwestern Mutual at age 90 and was a legend at age 90. And he finally retired. He died at 101. And my mom's mom was an educator and a teacher educator and a teacher. So I come from a mix of hardcore grind, immigrant work ethic and a mom who's still a working artist at age 86, still showing and still selling and still working.

Speaker 3: 21:56

Growing up for me was being in the middle of those two influences. My, uh, there was a lot of um drive for achievement, but it was kind of innate. They, they weren't high pressure. A lot of love and support, which I'm very grateful for. But inside young me was also a kid who was um. I went through all the awkward phases skinny, broken out, always a very good athlete, always very sort of skilled physically but very self-conscious of how I looked, how I appeared. Inward doubt and sort of stiff upper lip. Outwardly, show the world a strong face, don't be vulnerable. And I think that, uh, I so.

Speaker 3: 22:48

I came out of childhood with lots of strengths and lots of challenges and of course you know, um, this is what happens, right, childhood is. Is that cauldron, right? That sets the stage for adult life for, for the opportunities and the challenges we need to work out. But that's what my uh, young life was like. I have an amazing younger brother who's an extremely successful guy as an adult in the investing world, who I really love and I'm very close to. We live near each other, very thankful for him and his amazing wife and three kids. But yeah, that was my parental influence and I'm very thankful for that.

Speaker 2: 23:32

How much. When your grandpa, your grandpa came to Ellis Island, heard that right, correct, my dad's dad. So how much time did you get with him to ask questions about? What was that experience like?

Speaker 3: 23:43

Oh my, Well, my grandfather passed away when I was a young teenager and he was very humble, very quiet and did not talk about what happened. Same with my dad's mom, she grew up in Kiev, ukraine, which of course all Americans know now, because didn't talk about their experiences. We might ask, but they didn't talk about it. They went through some very difficult things and they were so proud to be Americans and successful American entrepreneurs. I remember when I was young, my grandfather had one of those pools in the backyard that was above ground, you know. You had to walk up to the upper level and he would sit there in the sun all summer roasting with a cigar in his mouth, and not just any cigar, a Garcia Vega. So he used to go through. You know a pack of those and God bless him. But they were, they were sunny people. They just didn't talk about the past. Wow.

Speaker 2: 25:12

You know, as you, as you told that story, I felt this, this, this feeling of, um, man, we life is not. Life is so easy for me right now. For us it is, you know, I mean, sure, we have our challenges, our own first world problems, but to experience what your grandpa and grandma went through and I mean imagine going to, you know, whatever some country and I speak zero that language and I got to figure it out the grit, the resilience, the relationship building, the mindset, the optimism, I can go on for days like what, so many skills they learned the hard way. Man, that's inspiring, that's right.

Speaker 3: 25:57

We're very lucky in this country number one and with the opportunities we have, and it is all relative. We have to keep in mind that we wake up this morning and, whether it's in Israel or Ukraine or other parts of the world, there are people who deserve to live with the peace and freedom that we have but have a very difficult, different experience.

Speaker 2: 26:32

Yeah, one practice I adopted in 2020 was a gratitude practice that I do not every single day and I'm such a habit guy. I'm not like a heart I would say I'm a very spiritual person. I look at a scripture in the morning. Sometimes I have no idea what it means. Sometimes it'd be like, oh, that spoke to me. But, like my gratitude practice like the first thing I say is God, thanks for waking me up today Just like that puts a smile on my face. I I literally find myself smiling and then I'm like hey, thanks for my health, thanks for the ability to.

Speaker 2: 27:01

I got to connect with John today. I get to connect with other people. I got to do this. I can do that. Like just it like fills my mind with like positivity and and so it's like hearing that story. I'm like man I can't even imagine and my, again, I'm so curious that I would love to be able to like ask those questions like respectfully of, like your grandparents, like what was it like? Like, but I mean, it's probably so much trauma you went through and things you saw that it's like I don't want to talk about that again. Keep it in the closet.

Speaker 3: 27:31

Yeah, I wish, I wish that, um, they had more and that I'd had the presence of mind to ask more. But uh, you know, I think they're pretty representative of their generation, right, humble, humble, and and, uh, they just said, hey, we want to be an American, be Americans and, uh, you know, have, have a normal, positive life.

Speaker 2: 27:54

Now, how tell me how your, how much your girls, since they're older, how how much have they, like, leaned into that family history and and been curious and and asked, asked like hey, where'd grandma and grandpa come from?

Speaker 3: 28:06

You know, throughout the years sometimes kids have these assignments in school your family history, your family tree and so I think at different ages they've had little research projects to bring into school and talk about where they came from. But if I guessed, if you asked my girls, what has your dad told you about his family and his grandparents? They would smile and roll their eyes and, I think, in a fun and positive way, talk about where their dad's family came from, and I think they would know the pride and the heart and the love around it that I've tried to express to them, and I hope they'd do the same thing around their mom's family. We tend to, uh, repeat ourselves. I'm sure you do that too, right.

Speaker 2: 29:08

When you believe certain things?

Speaker 3: 29:09

Yeah, no, of course not. When you're either a leader in business or I don't know, you've got strong beliefs or experiences, you tend to repeat them. And dad, really, are you gonna like? How many times? My wife, of course, and maybe yours does this too oh, yeah, yeah, you've. You've told me that 16 times, thank you. So, um, yeah, I think they would have a sense of where their dad came from and, hopefully, what it means.

Speaker 2: 29:38

Yeah, Um, if you were to think of, like the, the two or three most present clear values that you learned from your parents, and maybe a story of how you learned it, tell me what comes to mind.

Speaker 3: 29:54

I'll start with my mom, and I'll tell you. My mom is an extremely strong person. She and my dad actually split up a long time ago. Then she was remarried to an amazing guy named Ed and they spent years and years together. He passed away a couple of years ago and so she's an independent 86-year-old. She lives in a beautiful little town north of Boston and she's built such an amazing community around herself, and when I walk down the streets of her town with her, she knows every other shopkeep. She's stopping on the street to talk to people. They're constantly dropping by her home to check on her, and she's very independent, so she doesn't need them to check on her. And she's very independent so she doesn't need them to check on her health, but they do. And so the idea of community and being connected in a community has been a very inspiring thing for me, and it's made me think about how am I doing that where I live? How am I doing that where I live From my father, my father.

Speaker 3: 31:12

I've mentioned his work ethic.

Speaker 3: 31:19

I would also say that what's inspired me, especially now in the world that we live in, as a Jewish American, is my father grew up in a time in Boston where being Jewish was very difficult.

Speaker 3: 31:28

In the 50s when he was a kid, he actually had lots of run-ins with kids, got beat up lots of times. There was a time when a bunch of kids grabbed him and held him by his ankles over a bridge and threatened to drop him a long way. They didn't, they were just trying to scare him. So he found a way of getting the best out of his personal legacy and religion, but also being just a very connected member of his culture, society, and so what my father represents right now for me, with the rise of anti-Semitism and the great challenges that Jewish people have in the world, is to be proud and unflinching in that part of my life, my faith, and being more integrated than ever with people of good conscience in the world, because that's the way that we need to be, is we need to be integrated and connected and proud right Of of where we're coming from. So I'd say that that's an inspiration from my father and and my mom again, just creating community and being a part of community.

Speaker 2: 32:49

You mentioned your, your, your daughters are, are, are working and they're and they're getting joys out of making money and and you know which. I think that when you first make that first paycheck as a young worker, it's like, ah, this is awesome, and he gets a little. It's like a drug. Um, tell me what skills you see in your daughters that maybe are a little bit of you and your wife, but also a little bit of, maybe, your mom and your dad. Well, I like this question.

Speaker 3: 33:13

Well, my older daughter, who just finished her freshman year in college she turned 19 last month is extremely curious and excited about life and she really likes interacting with people, and so she's a hostess at a restaurant that has aspirations of getting its first Michelin star that is here in Northern California. Uh and um, I think that, uh, the engagement with people, um, you know, I think, is something that you know is a part of me and I think I've inspired in her, um, you know, the the discipline of understanding self-sufficiency is a great trait from her mom. Who gets that? From her mom, who was a single mom that raised her and did it in a very strong, very positive way. I have great respect for my ex's mom.

Speaker 3: 34:28

My younger daughter is very sweet, she's a dreamer, she loves working with little kids. So, in addition to being front of house at a great new cafe, she's going to work this summer at a tennis camp with the four and five-year-olds uh, who she immediately relates to, and she's she's five, nine, uh good tennis player and she loves kind of getting down and working with these little teeny kids. So, um, uh, yeah, I think that, uh, you know, you look at your kids and they're all there. Each kid is different, right, but it is nice to see the qualities that come from your DNA.

Speaker 2: 35:17

It's so much. What you said just kind of hit me multiple things, but you also triggered it multiple things, but it also triggered. You said something earlier that I want to go back to um about your, your current wife, and her patience and her ability to let people um her, her son, um um, express himself, and I think that is I really want to hit on that because I think that's such an important lesson. I mean, I wasn't always good at that. You know, when kids start screaming, your stress levels go up. You want to try to stop it, you want to shut it down, but it's like sometimes that's not the best thing to do, and I think if there's younger dads or there's older dads, like there's times where our kids are going to get frustrated. So I'd love to learn. Tell me, where do you think your wife learned that skill and how does she stay so present and good at it?

Speaker 3: 36:09

Yeah, and she's so good at it and I wasn't. When my kids were young I wanted to shut it down. Yeah, I think I was very reactive. I don't think I have patience for it. And where does she get it? It's innate. She is an innate mom and she has innate skills around it that are far beyond what I have, and I think my stepson is so connected to her and I think the reason she's able to do it is she sees herself as a young child, his age, and sees how similar his personality and inside life was to hers at that young age, and that's why she's able to do that for him.

Speaker 3: 36:53

One thing I would offer Casey is that in the first season of the Halftime Podcast, we interview a number of experts in men's mental emotional health. We interview a number of experts in men's mental emotional health and one of them, an amazing guy named Owen Marcus, explains that energy builds up in the body and if men don't learn as young children to release that energy, it builds up and it creates negative patterns in the body. What you'd call it becomes somaticized. Somatic meaning the body. If you look in nature, if you look at animals, other mammals, when they go into their fight or flight equivalent. They have an event where they may be threatened by other wildlife and they go into their high adrenaline mode, but when it ends, their system calms back down and reaches stasis. Homo sapiens, we don't necessarily learn that skill so, as young children, if we build up those emotions and our parents don't let us express them, it actually leads to a process as adults, where we somaticize those things. It creates disease, literally disease in the body. And so allowing young children, like my wife does, to express is so beneficial because as adults, we then learn to self-manage our emotions.

Speaker 3: 38:24

Now there's a distinction. Because we want children to express those things, it doesn't mean we want them to act the wrong way in other situations, to be rude or to scream for things when they want them. That's different, and so I would coach dads of young kids to know the difference. When that energy and anger is building, let the kid express it. When it's over, tell them thanks, sweetheart, for doing that, I love you. And then when your kid's misbehaving, that's different. You can do discipline, you can do timeouts. They're two different things. But she's just really good at it and I marvel at her ability to do that for him.

Speaker 1: 39:05

Hello everybody, my name's Craig Coe and I'm the Senior Vice President of Relationship Management for Beeline. For more than 20 years, we've been helping Fortune 1000 companies drive a competitive advantage with their external workforce. In fact, Beeline's history of first-to-market innovations has become today's industry standards. I get asked all the time what did Casey do for your organization? And I say this it's simple. The guy flat out gets it. Relationships matter. His down-to-earth presentation, his real-world experience apply to every area of our business. In fact, his book Win the Relationship and Not the Deal has become required reading for all new members of the global relationship management team. If you'd like to know more about me or about Beeline, please reach out to me on LinkedIn. And if you don't know Casey Jaycox, go to CaseyJaycoxcom and learn more about how he can help your organization. Now let's get back to today's episode.

Speaker 2: 40:05

That's a blessing man. I think it sounds like she got the saint of like a kindergarten teacher, where, I mean, the teachers in today's society are so patient. I'm so grateful for teachers who do what they do and patience is something I'm always working on. I've definitely become more patient as a dad who's got more experience now, but I can go back and that was the one thing I kept telling myself is God love your dad? Because my dad could drop the biggest God damn it's, god damn it, casey, and would make me and my sister laugh because it was so funny how he swore. But then we were like, oh geez, he's mad. He never was physical, but like he could, oh my name. When he lost his, you know what, he'd lose it and I, I think I've only lost my, my stuff once on my son, maybe a few years ago, when he wasn't honest. I knew he wasn't being honest and we finally had a. But other than that, our relationship, my kids are.

Speaker 2: 40:55

I'm very grateful for the, the um, my relationship, them, how me and my wife communicate, how, and I'm very conscious of how I treat her in front of them. Um, and like my, I think, my wife, we've been seventh grade sweethearts, I think we've. Whenever we get an argument, it's like once a year and it's like makes us both feel so awkward because we hate it, you know. And then we were like, okay, how do we make this end really really quickly? So, um, again, why I'm sharing that, I have no idea, but it's just like conversational and we're let's sing driving, okay. So you've teased us a little bit. I teased in the beginning. You have this new podcast and I think it's really going to impact a lot of people. Tell us about, maybe, the why and who it's most going to serve.

Speaker 3: 41:35

Yeah, thank you, casey. Well, it's called Halftime with John and the sports analogy is there, right? But really it's about midlife. But really it's about midlife and really we're appealing to guys between 40 and 60 in general who've come to midlife and maybe you're going through a separation divorce, maybe you're in a great relationship, maybe you're making a career change, maybe you've got an aging parent, maybe you're thinking about your personal legacy. So you might either be on the top of the hill or in the ditch in that moment when you find us, but my experience is that a halftime is where a lot of guys face the biggest crises and opportunities of their lives.

Speaker 3: 42:18

Now, the why of how it started is I went through a multi-year separation divorce. Any guy who's been through that any woman for that matter knows that it's extremely emotionally challenging and it can crack you open. Now there's a negative to that metaphor cracking you open and there's a positive. If you can go through the experience of separation divorce, find a community, find mental, emotional health support and find good advisors to represent you with your spouse and get through it successfully, what lies on the other side is gold, because you can gain more self-awareness, more inner strength. Hopefully you can figure out a positive relationship with your ex. And, of course, the kids are in the middle, if you have kids and you've got to be a positive co-parent and put the kids first.

Speaker 3: 43:12

So halftime's all about the opportunities of midlife. We say the second half should be the best half and we're excited to launch it. And again in season one, talk to a whole range of experts around separation divorce. We're starting there because it's such an intense time for guys who are going through it and there's so much opportunity for learning and growth and that's going to then lead to lots of other seasons. We explore the range of this corral called midlife.

Speaker 2: 43:48

Oh, I think that is gold and hopefully you can prevent a dad from hitting that midlife and not buying the Rolls Royce and the two Harleys that he doesn't need to buy and then by listening to your experts and you that they can prevent it. I just put a box around two words that you said, which is aging parent. So when I was a week after I got married at age 22, my uncle said, case you and you and your wife Carrie, congrats, you guys might want to get a two bedroom apartment for your dad Cause he's going to need to live with you. And I said that's not going to happen. And so people know who've listened to this podcast I've shared before but I don't think I've told you that yet.

Speaker 2: 44:23

But my, my dad had a rap sheet of health issues before. Um, that really for about 10 years, 15 years in and out of assisted living facility, uh, and end up getting Alzheimer's, dementia, alcoholism, bipolar, congested heart failure, kidney disease, kidney failure, um, just, and it was a lot of. It was self-induced, kept going through and I had to, like parent, the parent in my twenties and my thirties and then early forties when I was going through you know what most people in their forties to fifties, sixties, seventies, might be going through Right and um to be able to get in, and you know a lot of it was on me and my wife. Unfortunately, we didn't have a lot of support from family, which was, you know, I did choose the positive, that one, like I'm not going to go victim.

Speaker 2: 45:06

I just kept telling myself that you know, god will put. I bought into the mindset of God only puts on your plate what you can handle, and he knew that I could handle it and I. It made me also think about the vows of marriage, like to in in sickness and health, to death the apart. Like my wife, those mean a lot to me she signed up for. So I guess if you ever get down in future episodes and you want to, you want to tackle that topic. I might be, uh, someone to chat with you about.

Speaker 3: 45:34

Thank, you for mentioning that, casey, because, um, it's very meaningful. You went through that experience late twenties to early forties, which might be 20 to 30, even 40 years, necessarily before someone would go through that typically and I can imagine that that shaped you and gave you a lot of empathy and really expanded your heart. I'd love to talk about that.

Speaker 2: 45:58

Yeah, and you know, at the end what's crazy about it was when my dad passed away the last like six weeks of his life. I almost had caregiver burnout Like. I literally Googled that one day, um, in in my mid thirties, cause I was so I mean, work was crazy. I was, my business career was growing. Um, I remember getting phone calls from fire department saying hey, your dad. Uh, we found him naked in the bathtub, smoke building out of his house. But he's okay. I was like what You're trying to like emotionally, stay in that but also be a good husband, raise our, my young son at the time. Um, but at the end of it, the last six weeks of his life, it's almost like the dementia went away. It's crazy. It was like and he was back and he still thought my son was me and he, but he was like present. He said I love you a bunch. We had these like I couldn't wait to go see him, versus like the previous pre-COVID. It's like, oh my God, covid gave me a gift of like I can't see him because they wouldn't love me, but it was almost like. And then, once he was getting ready to pass away, you know I was there for his last breath, holding his hand. He was listening to Al Green. I was like, damn dad, you got some soul, brother, let's go, let's he.

Speaker 2: 47:01

One of the funniest things, funniest moments of him passing away, which I mean this from my heart I've never seen my son laugh harder, john, in my entire life, my dad, god, god love him, god, rest his soul. He, he had a. There was a heavier set Hispanic nurse that came into the room and I'm there talking to my dad and my, my son's there, and this Hispanic, nice, heavier set nurse comes in and hello Mike, hello Mike. And my dad looks at her. He goes, hey, honey, what are you doing here? What are you horny or something? And I was like, oh my God, what are you? And I looked at Ryder and he literally almost spits out his water, sprints the other side of the room, laughs harder than that, and he literally he couldn't talk and I was like I was one to laugh, but I was more just apologizing. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, anyway, but like it's, like it's those memories that you know you cherish. What a moment.

Speaker 1: 47:56

Yeah, you cherish.

Speaker 2: 47:57

What a moment.

Speaker 3: 47:57

Yeah the things that the things that uh, uh, aging elderly parents do and say I think particularly the men when the filter is down, there is no filter at the end. Zero, my father. I would have five stories for you which we'll get into when we come back together on my podcast in a season or two and talk about the gift and the tragedy and the learning of having an aging parent who you're supporting through the end of his or her life. It's a big deal, wow.

Speaker 2: 48:32

So how can people consume these podcasts? How often are they going to come out? Where can they find you? All those types of things? Thanks so much.

Speaker 3: 48:40

So halftimenetwork is the site, so you can find us at halftimenetwork. You can find us on YouTube. You'll be able to find us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, but halftimenetwork is the place where you can check us out. Sign up for our newsletter. With our launch, we're offering some special benefits to sign up for the newsletter. So guys will want to sign up and we'll be publishing episodes several, you know, at launch we've got available now and then, at least every two weeks probably, some content in between and we're excited to have guys engage because we want not just a piece of their mind but a piece of their heart, because we're building it for the guys out there going through the most meaningful experiences in life.

Speaker 2: 49:27

I love it. I love that you're doing this because it's like I mean, if I say this is your calling, a calling right now in life, do you feel like that speaks to you? Yes, I mean it's, and you're doing it because you've been through it. It's almost like you're doing this to you, for yourself, to give something you wish you had. Um with that, I mean, those are my words. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but, like I love when people do things where they can back it up with experience and it's real and genuine and you're going to be able to authentically connect. And so you got a subscriber here. I can't wait to listen to them. I can't wait to be a part of your newsletter community and just sharing stories and, like my father-in-law, shout out to Bruce Lovell.

Speaker 2: 50:06

He joked one time, but he I really spoke to me. He said we're all on the edge about to just either fall off the cliff or stay on. And like it's true, it's like we're all, we're all messed up people and once you think you're elite or you're the best, or your life's going to humble us. So let's just stay humble together. And you know my, my quarterback coach.

Speaker 2: 50:27

There's an uncle Rico moment from Napoleon dynamite. And if I mentioned, I played football quarter, I got to give love to uncle Rico. He always said, casey, if you ever have to tell me how good you are, you're not that good when you're great, I'll tell you. And so it's like that, just like grounded me in life, grounded me in business, business grand, I mean fatherhood, which is why I love like I'm not an expert dad, uh no, I got two great kids that are right now doing great in life. But I aired my own mistake last night on the podcast Like listen dads, I'm I'm messing up too, but I think it's. It's about how do we come together and own it and learn from each other, and I think the fact that John you're, you're doing this, um, I think it's awesome. And I think the fact that John, you're, you're doing this, um, I think it's awesome. And I can't wait to see where it goes and I'm grateful for Jeffrey hooking us up and you know.

Speaker 3: 51:12

Thank you so much, casey, for having me and um your values that you're exuding uh around uh lifetime learning and humility are uh exemplary. I think there's no.

Speaker 2: 51:31

There's no uh doubts or uh, uh questions about why you've got a lovely family. I'd love to meet them sometime. That'd be fun, All right. So other question I have for you If you were to summarize everything we've said today and if you were to summarize a couple actionable tasks that dads can take from our conversation that they can apply in their own life, like right now, to be that ultimate quarterback leader of their house, Tell me what comes to mind.

Speaker 3: 51:50

I think the first is pick a moment with each of your kids uh, maybe one-on-one, it could even be before they're out the door and uh, if they're uh little people, get on their level, look them in the eye and block everything out and acknowledge just their presence. And I think that's number one. I think number two is your partner, in my case my wife. How to be of service to her? In a traditional household, the mom is holding down and creating and providing so much.

Speaker 3: 52:38

There's a great New Yorker cartoon and to paint the image in 10 seconds, there's a couch and there's a mom lying on the couch and she's got like a cold pack on her head. The father and the three kids are lined up behind the couch looking down at the mom and dad says oh no, the server is down, the analogy being the computer server. Now, I don't mean to be sort of conjuring madman 1950s image of the household, because we're in modern families these days, but moms do so much more and so if we can enable them to be happy and sane and positive, then the dads are going to get it back times a hundred. That's what I'd offer. That's gold.

Speaker 2: 53:30

You, you, you spoke, uh, you spoke to my heart on that one, because when my wife went back to work and I encouraged her to go back to work in 2020, she actually worked for one of my very first clients. Shout out to clear edge marketing. Um, when she went back and I bought her a coffee cup, it says damn, girl, you got a job during COVID and uh, you know, just to be kind of funny, and but like I told my kids, I said listen, guys, mom's really really good at what she does. And and when I'm most excited about her going back to work, you're going to see some skills that you didn't know she had. And the more excited, I'm going to see some skills that I know you didn't have, which means you're gonna do more laundry, You're going to do more dishes, you're going to do more garbage, you're going to do more stuff like, because this is not mom's job, this is our job and we're a team and we're going to pick each other up.

Speaker 2: 54:18

And it's been fun to see like our kids become more self-sufficient. Um, because I think during one thing kobe taught me was we were doing way too many things for our kids and you know, we were telling ourselves the story. Well, we got to get to this sport and that sport, and these are excuses and kovats. Sure slowed me down like no, we're going to get good at these things because it's not just all on my wife, it's not in our, so it's like, for example so if I have a gap in a day, either I sit and dink around linkedin for a little bit, which, or do I go up and, hey, does the laundry need to get done? Does that work from home, or can I fold a quick flow? Can I unload the just and those I don't know about for dads at home, but for my wife, acts of service is one of our love languages.

Speaker 2: 54:54

Acts of service, yeah, yeah. Just like be a teammate, do the right thing, everybody. So okay, If you, you mentioned halftimenetwork, is there any other social media, LinkedIn or LinkedIn, or the places, the people they want to connect to, they're like?

Speaker 3: 55:09

man, this guy's a great dude. I got to learn about him. You can find us on LinkedIn and Instagram, our two primary social channels at launch and again halftimenetwork.

Speaker 2: 55:19

Perfect. We will make sure this is all linked in the show notes. John, it's now time to go on to call the lightning round, where I show you the negative hits of taking too many hits in football. Not bong hits, but football hits as a quarterback. My job, your job, is to answer these questions as quickly as you can. My job is to try to get you to laugh. All right, that giggle does not count, am I?

Speaker 3: 55:40

supposed to try to keep a straight face here. Casey, I'm not laughing for it.

Speaker 2: 55:43

No, yeah, so if I can get a giggle and if you laugh, I win. I see.

Speaker 3: 55:49

Okay, so I'm really supposed to try to be the straight man here. Okay, here we go.

Speaker 2: 55:53

Okay, true or false? You and Jeffrey once met in a cage match, mma fight. Well, I'd like it to be true, but it's false. Okay, true or false?

Speaker 3: 56:08

you once held the US world record for pole vault at 24 feet six inches.

Speaker 2: 56:11

Again, I'd like to be true but false. Okay, there's our first giggle. If I was to go into your phone right now, what would be the one song you listened to? That would shock uh, all the boards you serve on, oh, oh.

Speaker 3: 56:23

Lord Um, hmm, let's see.

Speaker 2: 56:26

Uh, dear mama, two pack, oh there we go Gangster rap, there we go Love it. Tell me the last book you read.

Speaker 3: 56:36

The last book I read. Well, I'm currently reading Outlive by Peter Attia, great book on extending longevity.

Speaker 2: 56:43

Okay, love that. If you were to go on vacation right now no kids, just you and your wife tell me where you'd go the beach probably Southeast Asia. Okay, love that. If I was to come to your house for dinner tonight and you could cook me your favorite meal, what would we have?

Speaker 3: 56:59

Oh, my wife would do her amazing marinade that came from her mom on chicken thighs. We'd throw those onto the grill. We'd probably have a couple of hot dogs on the grill as well. We'd have an Israeli salad which is sort of finely chopped cucumber and tomato and onion.

Speaker 2: 57:27

And we'd probably have something for dessert that had chocolate in it. I'm getting hungry. Already it's like early breakfast time, but I'm hungry for that. It sounds good. If there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title Blackjack, okay, blackjack.

Speaker 3: 57:39

That was a nickname from my 20s.

Speaker 2: 57:41

Okay, I'll save that for another episode on why. But now Blackjack is killing it, john. It's in every airport, it's in Barnes and Noble, amazon. They cannot print enough copies because everybody wants to read it. And now, unfortunately or fortunately, hollywood's found out about it. Hulu, netflix, they're fighting for it and they've named you the casting director and you need to know who is going to star you in this critically acclaimed, hit new movie, blackjack.

Speaker 3: 58:05

Let's see. It could be Daniel Day-Lewis, it could be Hugh Jackman. Those are two good candidates right there. I'd be proud to have either.

Speaker 2: 58:14

I like it, we'll have them fight it out for it. I love it, okay. And then last question Tell me two words to describe your wife Beautiful and brilliant. Boom Lighting round's over. I giggled, you giggled. We'll call it a tie, jeffrey Neal.

Speaker 2: 58:26

Thank you so much for introducing John and we had a fantastic conversation. I learned a ton. I have a full page of notes. Hopefully everybody listening at home does too. I want to thank everybody for your loyalty to the quarterback, dad cast. If this episode spoke to you and you think it would speak to someone else, please share the episode with them. The more we grow this community together, the more we're going to create better leaders of our homes and our community. And if you've not taken time yet to leave a review on wherever you consume your podcast, specifically this one, that'd be a huge favor. We'd ask just letting people know about it, because obviously we can more grow this community together. Like I said, we're going to. We're going to get better together as dads. We can get better, better together as humans and just create better people in society. But, john, thank you again so much. This has been just an absolute honor and I've loved learning about you and I'm grateful that our paths have crossed, and I can't wait to meet you in person.

Speaker 3: 59:19

Casey likewise. Thank you so much Awesome.