Building Resilience and Leadership Through Coaching, Family Values, and Forgiveness with Dr. John Gaines

Thanks to one of my favorite former guests, Mo Hines, today's guest is Dr. John Gaines, CEO of Push for Dreams.  Not only is Dr. Gaines a dad who leads by example, but he also played football for Coach Aaron Maul, one of the state's best high school coaches and a former guest on the QB Dadcast!  In this episode, Dr. Gaines shares his remarkable journey from aspiring lawyer to business leader, all while balancing his roles as a husband and father. 

Listen as he takes us through his educational path, supported by scholarships from the Casey Family Foundation, and details how his family embraces gratitude daily, fostering a positive home environment. Dr. Gaines also reflects on the importance of nurturing his children's athletic potential without causing burnout, emphasizing the role of being a lifelong learner and listener.

As you listen to Dr. John “Push” Gaines, you'll learn how he was a former At-Risk Youth Turned Inspirational Powerhouse. As the CEO And Founder Of PUSH For Dreams, A Non-Profit Organization, Dr. Gaines Has Made A Profound Impact On Classrooms, School Districts, And Businesses Nationwide. He is also a best-selling author, Emmy-nominated speaker, Leadership Consultant, And Mentorship Advocate.

Drawing From His Own Life Experiences, Trauma, And Unique Challenges, Dr. Gaines Connects With Audiences On A Deep Level. With An Approach Rooted In Positivity And Unity, He Tackles Important Issues With Authenticity And Enthusiasm, Bringing People Together And Leaving A Lasting Impact.

Recognized As One Of Yahoo News’ “Top 10 Most Influential People Of 2020,” Dr. Gaines Possesses A Rare Ability To Relate To His Audiences And Inspire Them To Imagine Greater Possibilities. His Nickname “PUSH” Embodies His Unwavering Belief In The Power Of Perseverance, Motivating Others To Push Through Obstacles And Become Their Best Selves.

John opens up about overcoming childhood trauma and adversity, revealing how forgiving his absent father inspired a meaningful relationship that profoundly influenced his approach to fatherhood. He candidly discusses the life-altering choices he made growing up in a gang-influenced neighborhood and the realization that resilience and perseverance are essential in breaking cycles of addiction and negativity. Along the way, he offers insights into choosing family values that align with personal growth and happiness.

Wrapping up, we explore the transformative power of storytelling in fostering unity and understanding, both within families and communities. John shares heartwarming anecdotes about his college football team's bond and the lessons learned from diverse backgrounds. He also provides actionable advice for fathers seeking to become better leaders and more present figures, stressing the importance of self-care and patience. This episode is packed with wisdom, personal stories, and a touch of humor, making it a must-listen for anyone interested in personal development, family dynamics, and authentic leadership.

Please don't forget to leave us a review wherever you consume your podcasts! Please help us get more dads to listen weekly and become the ultimate leader of their homes!

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:03

Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder and this is my dad show.

Speaker 2: 0:12

Hey everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dad cast, and, as I promised, we do finally have a new and exciting sponsor that's going to be joining us over the next 13 weeks or so, and they it is called the authentic edge podcast, which is going to be launching very, very soon. It is a podcast that is led by the fantastic and successful Jason DeLuca and executive sales and people leader at Dexian, as well as with a Paul DeFrancenzo, who is a global sales leader at indeedcom. This podcast, authentic edge, as I mentioned, is, is launching in the next month and it's really about a journey into the heart and genuine relationships into the workplace. So they're going to talk about uncovering the profound impact that authenticity has on establishing instant trust, fostering long-term partnerships, as well as creating serendipitous connections that evolve into endearing business and personal relationships, which is exactly how I would describe my relationship with Jason and Paul. So, without further ado, let's get right to the next episode and I hope that you check out the authentic edge wherever you consume your podcasts.

Speaker 2: 1:16

Well, hey, everybody, it is Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dad cast, and we are in season five and our next guest. I always get excited when I get referrals on the quarterback dad cast everybody. And this guest comes to us from the fantastic the, the one and only coach, Mo Hines, who is one of the basketball legends in our area, and he said I got a guy for me. He got to talk to my man, Dr John Gaines, who's going to join us here in a second. He is at East central university, mighty tiger, I believe.

Speaker 2: 1:45

He also does handle a lot of community relations work for the city of Tacoma. He's the CEO of Push for Dreams. He's got some fantastic quotes behind him. I know you guys can't see it, but I can. But he says one of them is start every day with a great thought. Love that. But as much as we're going to learn more about Dr John Gaines the speaker, the curriculum extraordinaire that he is, we're going to learn about Dr John the dad and how he's working hard to become that ultimate quarterback or leader of his household. So, without further ado, Dr John Gaines, welcome to the Quarterback Dadcast.

Speaker 3: 2:18

Yeah, great to be here. Thank you for the intro. Now I feel like I have to talk about some good stuff Expectation the bar is set, all good, we're going to have some fun.

Speaker 2: 2:30

So anytime I talk to him I see a doctorate. I get nervous, like I'm talking to a doctor. Tell me about that.

Speaker 3: 2:36

Yeah, man, so the doctorate. It's a funny story. So coming out of high school, I received an academic scholarship, academic athletic scholarship, and so ended up with my athletic scholarship. I bounced around a little bit and ended up at East Central Oklahoma and so the academic scholarship came through a foundation, the Casey Family Foundation maybe part of your family, I'm kidding no, the Casey Family Foundation is an organization that works with youth in foster care, caring adults, foster parents, kinship care, and they support just child welfare, trying to end the need for foster care right. They're believing in really providing services and support to families when kids are still with their families, and so, anyway, based on my experience, I received a scholarship from them as well.

Speaker 3: 3:30

And so, because I didn't use a lot of that funding for my undergrad while I was playing football, because I had a football scholarship, I was able to pursue postgraduate, and so for me it kind of started as law school and I took the LSAT, had an internship on Capitol Hill, got accepted into law schools and anyone that knows the commitment of what it I took the LSAT twice actually. So the commitment to even prepare to take the LSAT get accepted into law school it's a lot of dedication and then I get to that point in my life and I realized law school wasn't something I wanted to do, but I did feel like because I had this money that I could use or just would disappear. I needed to use it. As I know, a lot of at that time kids my age were struggling to pay for school postgraduate degree, so I pursued my master's in business and then received my doctorate in business as well, free of charge.

Speaker 2: 4:26

That sounds like a hell of a deal, but a well-earned. That's a shout out props to you, man. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Okay, well, how do you want you want me to call you Dr John? Dr Gaines, john, just call me John, john John. Yep, okay, cool. So, john, we always start each episode with gratitude, so tell me what are you most grateful for as a dad today?

Speaker 3: 4:47

Yeah, man, so I'm grateful for my family. You can't see it, but right now. So we're building a home right now, and so we live in this apartment, where it's small but we have, as you see, the viewers. I guess the viewers or the listeners can't see the signs behind me, but up through my house there's different quotes, not just for me but for my family to see as well, and on top of our door, as we walk out, I'm a husband to a beautiful wife, emily, and I have three kids right now Nora, benny and Jonah and as we walk out of our door, we have a big sign above the door that says what are you grateful for today? Because not only am I, I believe what we focus on expands.

Speaker 3: 5:27

I'm a firm believer in that, and so this is like the long way to answer, but I'm a firm believer in what we focus on expands, and as a man and as a leader of my family, I get to determine how we conduct ourselves and how we respond to adversity, how we enter into the world every day, and I feel like it's my responsibility and calling as a husband and as a father and really my gift to my family to lead them in that way, and so every day we have what are you grateful for? So we all can see it. And this morning I'm just grateful for my wife and my kids, as we're juggling a lot as a family right now, and so we are spending a lot of time transitioning. I feel like every day is something new, and so I feel like there's like these fires with building a house and business and all these things, but it's just I wouldn't want to do it with any other people. So just extremely grateful for my family.

Speaker 2: 6:24

Love it, man. I know sometimes people might say, oh, that's an easy answer. But no, his, that's a great answer. Because I think a lot of times us dads in life or people in life, sometimes we get going so fast we don't slow down to think about, um, why we're grateful, which is why uh, you know, I secret, john, I get therapy out of every episode. Don't tell anybody. So I'm going to get therapy just from talking to you. But like I'm a big quote guy too and um, there's another quote by Martin Luther King behind me says everybody can be great because anybody can serve, like yes, sir.

Speaker 2: 6:52

I love that, like what, what? What a great thing for your, your kids to see me, to see, um, you know it's, it's, you know I? I actually I hate to self plug here, but I wrote a book, john, back in 2020, called Win the Relationship, not the Deal, and the very first, the very first chapter is about, like how I win people. Just be nice, bring positivity into the room.

Speaker 2: 7:15

Which sounds like rocket science, but yet people don't do that. Well, yeah, and one of the very first lines of book. My son, when he was 70, asked me what I do for a job. I couldn't tell him I was in staffing or consulting or this, or he'd be like what the hell does that mean, dad? So I just said dad makes friends for a living.

Speaker 3: 7:29

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 7:30

And you know, as corny as that was, it was just like as a seven. He's like oh, I guess, if I be nice to find out, why see if I can? Maybe maybe they're having a tough day or what. But, um, what I'm, what I'm grateful for is, uh, I got I have been married of 25 years to my high school sweetheart. Um, junior high actually, believe it or not day right now, because my son is. He'll be going off to college in the fall to play golf at a school called Southern Oregon University where I played football against Uncle Rico moment right there. And, uh, I'm grateful for just his drive. I'm grateful for my daughter's drive and that all the hard work we did as parents, or I'm starting to see those fruits of that labor. And, um, like Mo, who has done some work with my daughter Riley, um, Um, it's just like she, she, I just love that she can be coached hard and doesn't take it personal. And I always tell her, like hey, if they're, if they're getting on you, it's because they like yeah.

Speaker 3: 8:35

Yep, if they, if they didn't like it, they'd yeah, that's a bad sign they're quiet. Yep.

Speaker 2: 8:41

So I'm just grateful they can, they, they get that and um, I'm just, the time is speeding up my man yeah I'm 48 and it feels like I just I feel like I was back at central playing with mall. Shout out to aaron mall, you know I'm not yeah so and everybody coach mall coach.

Speaker 2: 8:59

Mall is john's high school football coach, my teammate from central. Also john, a former guest in the quarterback, dad cast yeah, you know, and I was going to give a shout. School football coach, my teammate from Central, also John, a former guest on the Quarterback Dadcast.

Speaker 3: 9:06

Yeah, and I was going to give a shout out to Coach Maul because I think a lot of what the reason why I was intrigued to even come on the podcast. It's an honor. As I looked it up, I'm like a lot of who I am today because my father wasn't in my life, but a lot of who I am today as a father and a husband is because of great coaches like Coach Maul. And so shout out to Coach Maul man. He impacted my life. He was relatable at a time where, as we talked about, like diversity, equity and inclusion, because of his experiences of being around different cultures and understanding different cultures.

Speaker 3: 9:37

As I was on a campus predominantly white campus, coming from the hilltop of Tacoma, washington, it was intimidating for me, to say the least. And so having a coach that was relatable, that I could connect with because of his own lived experience, he wasn't afraid to ask the hard questions, wasn't afraid to coach me hard, and so shout out to Coach Maul man, I'm forever grateful for him.

Speaker 2: 10:00

He's the man. Dude Maul is the best. He's a great leader, he's, he's, he's such a a guy that he I mean I think about curiosity and lifelong learners. Uh, maul, coach Maul is that guy. He's always looking, always looking for squad. Tell me a little bit, tell me actually how you and your wife met and then tell me about each talented member of the team.

Speaker 3: 10:45

I was home for probably a few years and started, you know, working and kind of figuring out what I wanted to do in my, in my life. My uh and I at one point, my organization, my nonprofit, had a basketball team. So we had a girls basketball team because my nieces played and so most of my family basketball junkies, and so we had a basketball team. And so, uh, somehow I get connected to my wife through like social media and just knowing the same people. And I remember asking my brother about her. I'm like, hey, what do you know about this girl? And he says, man, she's a great girl, comes from a great family, we see them every weekend. I'm like what, how have I missed this family, Right? So he was like we see them every weekend at the games. And so you probably know. So coach Mo actually coached, he didn't coach my wife, but he coached her sisters, megan Fiso and Katie Fiso, and so I'm married to their older sister.

Speaker 3: 11:31

And then we have Nora, our firstborn. She'll be six next week and they're all. They're all really tall. So shout out to those Fiso genes. So my daughter is extremely tall. She's as big as like a nine-year-old right now, and then my son is two. He will be three in October. Then I have a 10-month old son who will be I guess he's technically almost 11 months. He'll be one at the end of August. Wow, yeah, and they all have their unique personalities. And so, wow, yeah, well, that's, that's the, and they're all. They all have their unique personalities. Um, and so I'm intrigued to even learn from you, as I'm, as I'm listening to some of the things you share about your kids. Uh, because, like I said, a lot of who I am is just me. One of my greatest strengths is to be a listener and a learner, and so, you know, taking the strength finders test, and so I love to listen, love to learn, and so I'm picking up things that I can give back to my family because they're uh, yeah, they're, they're my pride and joy.

Speaker 2: 12:32

Oh, that's so good. Well, man, the FISO genes we got if we got you a high school, I mean a college athlete and then the FISO genes we might have some. I don't want to put pressure on Nora, but I'm seeing some WNBA in your future.

Speaker 3: 12:43

Yeah, let's go. Yeah, she's from both of our sides of just.

Speaker 2: 12:48

Wow Athletes.

Speaker 3: 12:50

Athletes yeah, she's yeah.

Speaker 2: 12:53

Wow.

Speaker 3: 12:53

She's destined for it. So cool Something great.

Speaker 2: 12:57

Did she already? Did she show any love in basketball yet?

Speaker 3: 13:01

No, no, she did share that she wanted to uh, she wanted to start training.

Speaker 3: 13:08

So, funny like, maybe like 30 minutes ago, one of my good friends, abdul gaddy, who just got a job with uh university of washington, who's retired from his career, um, he sent me a camp that's happening like a for kindergarten's at uw, I think, in a couple weeks, and so, share, hey, I want to go to like a camp, and so I think I'll put her in a camp. We're going to hold off on teams until because we've both seen it from both sides burnout, right. So we're going to hold off on like team stuff until she says, hey, I want to play. Because everyone says, hey, she's going to be a great basketball player and she's already athletic, but I'm like I don't want to, and the doctor said she's going to be 6'1", so I'm like let's just be patient and let her pick it up as she wants and she might say dad, I want to play softball, I want to play volleyball, or I want to do something else, and that's going to be okay, right.

Speaker 2: 13:56

Love it. I love your mindset. Already, john, I always tell people it's their journey, not ours, and it's easier said than done. When I was an earlier younger dad, I found myself getting so wrapped up in some things and not like I think, because I played in college I had a little bit of perspective than maybe some who didn't. I don't mean that negative or not Just that you just you see things differently as a college athlete.

Speaker 2: 14:18

But I always joke with my kids, always like I have no eligibility left, I'm done. So my kids always like I have no eligibility left, I'm done. So I don't want this for you, but what I don't? I don't want to waste money on things that aren't going to invest in you as a person. So like if you say, oh, I want to go do this, but you're not gonna put in the work, then we're not going to invest in you, if you know, and so just do the hard work and if you need some help, we're going to get you know. Like, cause I played I mean being a football player too my son, I didn't push football on my son ever. He played flag, never played one tackle.

Speaker 3: 14:51

Wow.

Speaker 2: 14:52

You know, I I mean I got, I played quarterback. So I got back in the nineties. We would get blasted by dudes quarterback to take a little different hits back then and I, my back's now kind of can be jacked up at times and so I like, when it goes out, my son sees like damn, dad, you're old, I'm like it's just now a little bit better in a week, um, and I think he saw that. So he, he, he, just he was a hoop kid. Then when COVID hit, he got into golf, wow, uh, and so yeah, and I always say I sucked at basketball. I don't know how my daughter got good, but yeah, that's a funny story.

Speaker 3: 15:26

How do you, I don't know? I know this is your podcast to ask the questions, but, as I said, I'm a learner. I'm curious because most people say my now my boys, right. They say your boy is going to be this tall and they're already big. I have a daughter and then two boys and I'm like I don't know if, as a former college athlete, I've dedicated my whole life to football and how I feel now from doing that. I also play running back, so I know it's a difficult. It was one of those positions that are difficult to play, but I'm like how I feel now, like I don't know if I want to force my sons or I'll be okay. They say dad, I never want to play football.

Speaker 3: 16:05

I'm like good, you know, but I learned so much from the game, so it's like. It's like this weird conflict. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 16:10

I hear you. I felt that because football I ended up at central cause I broke my foot. I didn't play football my senior year in high school, so that's how I ended up at central and I learned so many lessons of adversity from football, so many. And but like I think sports, there's other sports that can teach adversity. You know whether it's? I mean, my son plays golf. It's one of the most mentally challenging sports out there. When you're, it's constant failure. It's like constant, like you know, and think about PGA tour every week and there's a hundred something guys play or girls that play and only one person wins. Yeah, baseball, they always say three out of 10, you're going to be in the Hall of Fame.

Speaker 3: 16:56

Yep.

Speaker 2: 17:00

I just believe that if we teach and you model hard work just the fact, these signs and quotes you have in your house they're going to see how you walk the walk. I mean, they're going to see it how you walk the walk. And it's just about what we expect, what you inspect. You got to expect it, so you expect it yourself, expect it of others. Yeah, try to communicate. And I always another quote I always learn. I always mess this up. John, it was Tom Brady's dad or Joe Montana's dad, but they asked him do you want to be your best or do you want to be the best? And most people say I want to be the best, but I'm like you can't be the best because you don't have control over that. What we have control over is our best and some. And then give yourself grace that some days your best might not be the best, but do something about it, don't complain, don't pout. That's like hey, I suck today. Let's figure out a way to be better tomorrow.

Speaker 2: 17:53

Yeah, you know, so I don't know if that helps, but that's kind of what it does.

Speaker 3: 17:57

Yeah, it does, and I think I think you hit it right in the head. I think a lot of it is just sometimes, when I talk to educators. One thing I share often is because I never was in the classroom as a teacher. I have after school programs and in school programs, but I share to them I say, you know, teachers need to be reminded more than they need to be taught. And I think, just hearing from you, it's like okay, you just reminded me of. Like okay, you're on the right track, keep being like the best example.

Speaker 3: 18:29

Right, because kids, as you know this, because you're far more advanced than me, but they're going to remember more of what I do, right, they're going to follow more of my actions and less of what I said. I'm going to say some powerful stuff, I think, but they're going to more. So look at my actions and they do it. Now I can say one thing make your bed. But if, like, even if my wife is still sleeping and they see my bed is messy and I'm up early, but if, like, even if my wife is still sleeping and they see my bed is messy and I'm up early, dad, you didn't make your bed Like, you know what I mean. Things like that hey, go brush your teeth before you go to bed. You didn't brush your teeth yet.

Speaker 2: 19:01

So things I'm like okay, I need to, so hearing from you is like, okay, just continue to be a great example. Well, you, you, you led me to one of my favorite quotes. I, when I, when I speak to on stages, and one of my favorite quotes at the end I was talking about as my, it's um, my Angela's quote, not what you said, what he said of it. How do you make people feel Love it? Yeah, Love that quote, right and um, and you're right, and like, as an author, I read, I I've read my book 10 times, not because I'm an egomaniac, just through the editing process, and every time I read, reread it.

Speaker 2: 19:31

Or if I'm coaching somebody or teaching a business leader or something about something I learned from myself, which means I'm flawed just like everybody else, and these are lifelong skills that we're never going to be the best at. It's like this, yeah, and I, and cause many of the ideas that you have or I have. They're probably someone taught us these skills Absolutely, and then we're going to teach them. Yeah, um, so, um, anyway, I love them. I can talk to you forever. I can already tell. So, yeah, I'd love to you, you, you hinted about your father, but I'd love to like, rewind the tape and bring me back to what was life like for john growing up and talk about that journey now that you're a dad, and what were some of the lessons or values you learned as a young man that have helped you become the father you are today.

Speaker 3: 20:13

Yeah. So for me, man, growing up I grew up in the hilltop in Tacoma, washington, and anyone from especially like Western Washington and I would say most people from the West coast when I go and travel on the West coast they're familiar with Tacoma Washington in the early 1990s because it was only still the only area in modern day that has had a shootout with the army Rangers, citizens, where citizens have had a shootout with the army Rangers, and so that became like national news where the Hilltop Crips in like 1991 had a shootout. And but that's the environment I grew up in and so we used to say in the area that it's not on us, it's in us and it's almost like. And what that meant growing up was you're just a part of it, you don't have to say I'm a part of it, you don't have to act like you're a part of it. If you're born here, it's not on you, it's in you. And so part of that mentality I had to break because I believed it. I believe like hey, this is in me, this is who I am, right, and there's a lot of good that's in me and that's part of who I am.

Speaker 3: 21:15

But you know, father was a career criminal. My mother passed away when I was seven years old. Growing up I and I was the one who found my mother dead. And so for me, you talk about trauma and adversity and obstacles. I was born with drugs in my system and so growing up you know speech impediment, just learning, disabilities and things I had to overcome. And so for me, trying to grapple all of that and understand like my life's purpose, and at the same time not feeling valued or wanted and asking myself why, me Like, why did this happen?

Speaker 3: 21:51

But, coming to a point, faith is huge for me, and so there's a Bible verse that just says to give thanks in all circumstances. And as a seven-year-old, when you're faced with adversity, you don't understand that. But now, as a man, I can truly say that's why I love the question like, what are you grateful for? And that's what I'm reminding myself of, because I think, regardless of what is happening around you, as long as you don't let it get inside of you, I think there's always something to be grateful for. And so I'm grateful that the experiences that I had didn't consume me and didn't cause me to fall into like deep depression, and didn't cause me to fall into like deep depression and but I was able to see. Eventually I was able to see the light and I was able to be grateful for it all.

Speaker 3: 22:37

And so for me now as a husband, one of the things I did right before I was married I knew that there were things that and I share this with dads often but I knew that there was something that I needed to do as a man to prepare myself to be the best husband and the best father that I would be one day.

Speaker 3: 22:58

So I was 21 and I called my dad, who wasn't in my life, and I just wanted I read a book just on forgiveness, and there was a quote from Nelson Mandela, who, I mean, I don't think anyone could talk about forgiveness better than Nelson Mandela, right? And the quote is who? I mean, I don't think anyone could talk about forgiveness better than Nelson Mandela, right? And the quote is shoot. The quote is something along the lines of holding on to unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the next person is going to die. And I remember reading that quote and I'm kind of paraphrasing it. But I remember reading that quote and I'm kind of paraphrasing it, but I remember reading that quote, thinking like shoot, I was holding onto this unforgiveness um thinking I'm hurting my dad or whoever hurt me.

Speaker 3: 23:38

But, yeah, and then a lot of times playing football there's blessings and curses that come with it, because football is like I'm going to take all this energy out on the football field. But then I knew, like as football was coming to an end, I was injured my senior year in college and I knew it was coming. I'm like I can no longer just take out this aggression on people. I can't tackle someone on the street.

Speaker 3: 23:57

So I got to find a new way to cope. I have to let this thing go. And so I called my dad, not more, not because I want a relationship with him, but I was calling him really for me, selfishly. I'm like I need to let. I'm not calling you for you, I'm calling you for me so I can let go of this burden, this thing that's holding me down. And so I called him and said I forgive you, um, told him I loved him and, uh, he just was like hey, I love you too. Apologize for not being there, but fast forward.

Speaker 3: 24:23

A few years later my father became my best friend. So I'm grateful for that experience because I truly believe I'm the husband and the father I am today because of things like that. I knew one day my kids will ask about their grandfather and I wanted to be able to tell them. I called him and I forgave him, but we didn't have a relationship. I think the story is a little sweeter now and I'm able to tell him that we were able to have a relationship because of forgiveness, and so that's a little bit of my story, but the point where I call my father is one of the best parts of my story because I truly believe it made me as you talk about being a dad today. It made me who I am today as a father, hearing some of it and I even I just remember like talking to him and in his mind he was better ever.

Speaker 3: 25:13

Like talking to him and in his mind he was better. He was better than his dad because he was abused by his dad. He's like well, I never, I, when I was, when I was there, I never whooped you. So for him it's like I won, I was better than my dad.

Speaker 3: 25:21

And I think that's how a lot of men think if I could just be better than my dad, I'm a great man, you know, I'm a great father, um, and for me I'm like I can't have the standard of my dad, or I can't even I can't be in competition with him. Trying to be better than him, like you said, I just need to get better each and every day and try to be the best version of myself, and so that there's so much I can talk about from that that I learned from my dad and that experience and those conversations I had with him. But it just taught me like the only competition is me and I need to just try to be a better version 1% better each and every day, for the sake of my wife and my kids.

Speaker 2: 25:57

Love it Now is your pop still with us.

Speaker 3: 26:00

So, man, my father ended up passing away in 2016. We buried my father three days before my wedding, and so that was a traumatic time, but it was also a wholesome time because I was able to be my father's main care provider the last several months of his life, and so for me it just was such a sweet time because it was like the things that my father never did for me. Because of love and because of forgiveness, I was able to provide those things for him and take care of him and made sure that he had as much comfort as he battled stage four lung cancer. And I know one of his things that he really wanted he wanted me to have kids and he really wanted to come to my wedding. So it was.

Speaker 3: 26:43

It was sad when he passed because it was three days before the wedding and he and my kids ask about him all the time. They want to know about, you know, about granddad, and so there's things that he taught me how to cook, that I try to make for them, and you know I share just the good stuff, and one day they will ask more questions, but I don't want to give them any preconceived, you know ideas or thoughts, and right now they just know my dad loved his dad and so one day we'll see, we'll see granddad in heaven. So that's all they know.

Speaker 2: 27:18

Love it. Man Was out of curiosity um. That book on forgiveness was a by a guy named Richard case.

Speaker 3: 27:25

No, it was um John Bevere. John Bevere was a pastor. Now he, I think he, is like a consultant and works with like schools and corporations. So yeah, it was. It was uh, it was yeah, john Bevere.

Speaker 2: 27:39

In a book study that I was part of Okay, when you, when you told that story, man, it hit me in the heart because I I I learned about the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation in my early 40s. And forgiveness takes one, reconciliation takes two. And what you did is a perfect example of like. Most of the time, our ego, specifically our male ego, says well, I'm not going to apologize, I don't need to forgive him, he wronged me, and you articulate it perfectly. It's not for them, it's for you, it's for us to get rid of that negative energy, and it doesn't mean we have to be best friends to that person. But you're saying, hey, I forgive you, this sucked, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. You didn't mean to do this to me, but I'm forgiving you, but you can go on with your life. Yeah, now it's up to them if they want to reconcile with you, which your dad did, which I love. That you know.

Speaker 3: 28:30

Yeah, but I think it's a powerful story you shared. Yeah, I'm taking a mental note. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 28:35

Yeah, forgiveness takes one, reconciliation takes two. So, um, well, we also have some more in common. So my dad passed away December 29th 2021. Um, my dad, about two weeks before my wedding I've been married 25 years now, but two weeks before my wedding he he had like a massive mental um breakdown. My dad fought alcoholism. He fought, he was, he was abused as a kid. My dad fought multiple. My dad got they got divorced when I was in college, um, and he fought just health challenges and a lot of it was self-induced. But you know three like maybe a week before my wedding or at my wedding, my uncle goes hey Case, you might need to think about getting a two-bedroom apartment so your dad can live with you.

Speaker 2: 29:17

I was like, oh hell, no, I hate to say it, I mean I was like I just no, that ain't going to happen.

Speaker 2: 29:23

And I remember, like about 10 years into our marriage, like my dad started started going downhill and then we moved him in and out of assisted living facilities, psych wards, just like tough dude and I was what me and my wife were doing were raised like dealing with stuff at a parent that most people in their 50s would deal with, and from like mid-20s to like 40, whatever 45, 46. My dad passed away. Um, but the demand at the end it was the best because his dementia almost went away and I have so many memories where my you know, I literally one time researched caregiver burnout. Yeah, as sad as that is, real thing it is and you know if there's a dad listening that you're going through it. Man ask for help. My wife was a freaking godsend Like help me, and there's times when he, before he passed, he would listen to her versus me. But like at the end when his dementia, my dad accused me of stealing all of his money to build my dream home.

Speaker 3: 30:19

Wow, wow.

Speaker 2: 30:20

You know so and I had to really forgive right there, yeah, because I know it's not him, it's the disease, yep, yep. But I was there for his final breath. I learned about my dad. He had some soul in him. He listened to Al Green.

Speaker 3: 30:33

Wow.

Speaker 2: 30:35

So we were rocking some Al Green when he passed away and I was holding his hand and saw him take his last breath and this is where my dad was a smart ass, like funny in hell. And so when we were at the Sicilian facility and I've told this story before but I was like telling it is there was music on in the background of the facility. He took his last breath. I looked at my wife. I'm like I think he just died and like so we hugged, we both got sad and then in the background there was a UB40 song on.

Speaker 3: 31:00

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 31:01

Like old school UB40. And like that was like my wife and I, like we, I know my dad's doing this. So then, but it brought you know, from tears to laughter.

Speaker 1: 31:11

So Hi, this is Kathy Orton. I'm the director of talent management at CoWorks Staffing Services. Coworks is one of the largest staffing firms in the United States, with operations in all 50 states, over 60,000 temporary field talent. We are devoted to the success and growth of our employees and our clients. We are celebrating our 50th anniversary this year and are proud to have a legacy of treating people the right way, doing the right thing, supporting our communities and putting field talent first. Our team places candidates in administrative light, industrial, call center, distribution, third-party logistic positions with additional opportunities through our executive search, creative staffing and luxury, beauty and fragrance divisions.

Speaker 1: 31:55

We had the pleasure of having Casey Jaycox deliver a keynote presentation and training workshop to our sales team this year and I have to tell you it was exceptional. Casey is funny, he is engaging and he is approachable. What sets Casey apart is that he really walks the walk. He lives what he teaches. He spent time with us outside of the workshop, really taking the time to get to know our people. He shared information about his personal life, about his family, creating the foundation for authentic relationships, one of the core elements of the strategy he teaches. Casey left our teams feeling motivated, energized and armed with the actionable tools to transform their sales performance. I cannot recommend Casey enough to any or any organization looking to grow and unlock their full potential. If you want to learn more about cowork staffing, please visit our website at coworkstaffingcom. Now let's get back to the podcast.

Speaker 2: 32:49

Well, I your story dude. It's like I've interviewed so many dads that come from diverse like not well diverse, but also dads who come from adverse environments.

Speaker 3: 32:58

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 32:59

And losing a mom at seven, having a dad. But you've obviously done the work behind the scenes, You've done stuff to help work through and I'd love to learn, like the comment you said, not on us, but it's in us. Did I say it right?

Speaker 3: 33:17

Yep.

Speaker 2: 33:17

Tell me, where did you, where did you learn to give yourself grace and say that's not my, my path?

Speaker 3: 33:24

Yeah, it was, man, it kind of hit me, it hit me head on. When I was 11 years old, I had a group of friends that so sometimes there were. There were guys and girls that I hung out with that would interpret that as because it was notorious, it was notoriously being said by the hilltop crips, right and so. But it was a mechanism for how they would recruit, right and so, but it was a mechanism for how they would improve. Now, some of like the OGs or like veterans in the neighborhood would say, out of like, culturally, you know you're going to be tough, you're going to, you know it's family, it's unity, those were the things that, like my grandma, when she said it, that's what she meant. But the hilltop Crips would take it as a way like hey, if you're born here, you're just, you're part of it, you're going to be a Crip. That's just who. It is, right, it's not on you, it's in you and so, by default, this is your destiny, right and so when I was 11 years old, I had a group of friends. They asked me to hang out and I just had some priorities. I wasn't mature enough to say these aren't my guys, because they were. I'm just being honest, right, I think I was like 10 or 11. But I just had something else to do. And that night they ended up murdering a guy my group of friends and so they literally took it as it's not on us, it's in us, and they thought this is what gang members do, right, and so they started, they, they went down, tried to rob a guy coming out of a bar near a local park that we all used to play at, and they all went to prison. And I remember that happening. And my brother, just my I'm grateful for my older brothers just talking to them, having conversations with them, I realized that that's not who I want to be and I don't want to end up in that place, right, and I realized there's only two paths for people that are gangbanging, that's, in in jail or prison. And so for me, being understanding that at an early age and seeing like a real life, seeing it unfold like right in my eyes, and just the, the, the path right, either left or right, I there's like a famous poster where it shows like, what's direction are you going to go? And I just happen to have something else to do that day.

Speaker 3: 35:49

And I I'll never forget talking to my brother who just retired from being a detective and so he was kind of studying for that at that time and he was like you know, some of these kids even throw a punch. They didn't, they just were there. And he said show me your friends, I will show you your future. He said they are going to prison because they just were there. They didn't throw a punch, they just were there. So he said you have to choose your friends wisely. So for me it's like okay, it's not on me, it's in me, but I get to choose what parts now I get to choose so the, the resiliency which I think something probably you talk about.

Speaker 3: 36:29

Yeah, you probably have to coach and talk to organizations because so many people quit and give up. And so I realized, okay, a lot of people in my neighborhood like they have to learn how to fight at an early age, and so I said that's always going to be in me, I'm never going to fold, fold, I'm never going to quit, I won't give up on myself, I won't give up on my family, I won't give up on my dreams. And so that was something I decided that's going to be in me. Gangbanging, that's not going to be in me. I'm not going to be like the people I see on the street corners.

Speaker 3: 37:07

Um, drugs. I come from a uh, a line of relatives where my auntie, my mother, my uh, two of my aunties I'm sorry, three of my aunties um passed away from drug related uses, cousins, drug related uses. Another cousin and this all happened in the nineties. Another cousin, cousin, drunk driving, you know, died, you know my own mother. And so for me it was like, ok, I'm not going, that's not going to be in me, I'm going to break that, that cycle as well. So there's things where I chose like, hey, this is going to be in me, I'm going to use these things, and there's some other things that I'm not. Is it can? I can touch it, I can see it. I know I have relatives that have experienced it. But, like I shared in the beginning, it's as long as it doesn't get inside of you and don't let it consume you.

Speaker 3: 37:50

So yeah, that's kind of how that thought process worked out for me, cause it just was like real life things that happened up close, where, um, I've been, I went to way too many funerals before the age of 10, that you know and from people like close you know, really close to me, from aunties, and just not understanding like why is life, why is and it was really because of the decisions that they made and they allowed. Hey, you know, it's not on me, it's in me, and they and they just were like everyone else. It wasn't unique to my family, it was. It was several families in the area.

Speaker 2: 38:25

Man, that's powerful stuff. Have you heard of the book called the Slight Edge? I haven't A fantastic book, you just kind of described it. It's like that fork in the road where each day you have a choice you go left or you go right and every choice keeps having a slight edge moment.

Speaker 2: 38:42

And it's written by a guy named Jeff Olsonson, one of my write that down one of my former teammates who is a really good friend of coach aaron mulligan and ryan fournier. Um, he shared that me with that book and it really impacted me. Um, it just further ignited my curiosity of, like you know, I think some simplistically is like in the morning do I, do I start with my gratitude journal or do I not? When I write, when my gratitude journal, every morning, I, I, I slowly see myself smiling without even knowing I'm smiling. I'm like God. Thanks for waking me up today, thanks for my health, thanks for keeping me safe and my family safe last night. Um, thanks for your opportunity to connect with people today. Thanks for opportunity to connect with people today. Thanks for your opportunity to go work out today. Like, just that, it like fills my mind with positivity to start the day versus all the things that are not going great.

Speaker 3: 39:29

Yep.

Speaker 2: 39:29

Yep, you know, and so that that slight edge moment you made me think of that, as you think about, like this journey of life you have gone on, and you know, from very, very tough environment to like finding positivity, to using resiliency, which is a big skillset I'm a fan of, and grit. Um, now that you're a dad, talk to me about what. What are the? What are you? What will be like the core values that you'll teach you and your wife will teach your kids that are, do you think you're just like this is going to be the staples of the gains family, based on what you and your wife have gone through?

Speaker 3: 40:04

Yeah, so I'm looking at, so we have a family mission statement and I'm going to read it to you. It says our mission is to believe in God's promises and live a life that that reflects and grows in his love, and that's what my kids and so, next to our grateful, next to like, what are you grateful for? We have our mission statements, we have our values right, and so things like empathy and kindness and resiliency, um, are some of some of our family values, and so, for me, it's one thing I want. I want to instill things in my kids that will surpass me, and I want to instill things in my kids that will surpass me, and I want to instill things, and I think it's important for them to, even at a young age. They're really young, but I think it's important for them to feel like they are a part of or included in our mission statement, like where our family's going. And so, although I believe, like my wife and I will lead that Like uh, we went every year, we have, and now my, my five-year-old, has uh, participated these last three years.

Speaker 3: 41:09

She's just, she's so smart and savvy. She started talking at six months and so she can comprehend a lot. She just was the doctor. We went in for her one-year appointment. She was talking to the doctor Like she was like this I've never seen this in my 30 years of practice. So she's brilliant. And so she already participates where we do our vision boards and we go away and just kind of reflect on our mission and vision, and so those are things that we do as a family. Yes, yes.

Speaker 2: 41:38

Everybody. I'm laughing. I'm holding up my vision boards.

Speaker 3: 41:41

When John said that so we are meant to meet today my man.

Speaker 2: 41:43

Yes, I'm laughing, I'm holding up my vision boards when John said that.

Speaker 3: 41:45

So we are meant to be we are meant to meet today. My man. Yes, sir, and that's just, I don't know, just for us it's like, and we talked about this right, the Maya Angelou quote, I think, about that right. They will remember how I made them feel and I think oftentimes I'm so grateful that I didn't have a lot of people that overtaught in my life, I think my brothers because of how they grew up.

Speaker 3: 42:09

One of my brothers was born in prison. Another one of my brothers was able to live with my mom for a little bit, but essentially they lived across the street from my mother their whole life with my grandmother, while my mother struggled with drug addiction and so, learning a lot from them, I learned that one they didn't repeat themselves a lot, they would just share because where we come from and how we grew up, if you had to like hear it twice, it could cost you your life, so you had to get it. You had to get it the first time, and so for me they would share advice and give me guidance, but a lot of it was me just watching them, and so obviously I think I have a lot more grace with my kids and I'm obviously I want to repeat as much. But also there's parts of me where I want them to understand especially I talked to my wife about this as well like as young, like black boys, because we talked about discipline. I said, unfortunately, sweetheart, if they're on the street and they're pulled over by an officer and they don't listen, it can cost them their life.

Speaker 3: 43:13

And so I said there's conversations in tone that I have to have with my two-year-old, even at two, because I need him to understand in the world he's not, as you said, racism. We're never going to end it. And there's going to be people on the police force in different spaces where he's going to have to learn how to conduct himself and listen the first time. And so I said I'm going to repeat myself, but there's also moments where I need to be hard, and that's something I just learned from my brothers. And then the second thing is what I emphasize is example. They just gave me really good examples, and so for me it's like and this is the hardest part for me, if I'm just being honest with you- as a dad I often talk about, who you are in private is who you are.

Speaker 3: 43:56

Who you are in private is who you. That's the integrity conversation. That is the. If you want to be a public success, learn how to weigh in private the hardest part. Like, my family sees me every day in private, so I have to fight, fight hard in private so that my family, when I'm out in public, don't say this guy's a fraud, right? I want them to be my biggest supporter. One of my greatest joys is like, every time I come home, my wife greets me, they hear the door open, my kids right now sprint to the door and it's just the best feeling and I'm like, if that is for me, that's my biggest win. You know, that's my biggest one being able to be home with my kids, being able to be present and allowing them to be like, feel joy when I come home and not like scared or intimidated or whatever else you know comes with not being a great father.

Speaker 2: 44:45

So oh, powerful stuff, my man. Well, that was a good segue that I want to. I want to hit on with you is and you know you were well, I think we kind of talked before we started recording one of the OGs and doing some diversity work and helping people understand about equity and inclusion in 2020, you were already kind of ahead of the game and then things kind of took off and I share with you. Shout out to my boy I know people have heard this on many episodes Got to give him love again because he's one of my great friends I've met in 2020. Dale Favors, I love your brother, dale.

Speaker 2: 45:14

Everybody if this is the first time listening to this podcast, dale taught me so much about diversity. He had patience. Diversity, he had patience. He had a grace for me and cause I was one of these white people, john, that I thought about the word perspective and I I'm not. I thought about the word um, um, privilege, yeah, and I was like what I'm not? Privileged. I worked, I'd work my ass off and I was so naive dude, so naive. I never had in. So my son is 18. I've never had to have a conversation with him that says hey, bro, when you get pulled over. You better go 10 and two. Or, hey honey, when you're walking on the street, um, keep your person on this shoulder, and don't you know like things. Or when you're in the elevator and you're you know, if there's a person of this color, person, that color, they got to be thinking about this Like I never, even I would have never thought of that.

Speaker 3: 46:00

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 46:00

Cause I'm a I was a naive white guy that never had to, and then I almost felt guilt then. And Dale this is why I love this Dale so much. He's like man bro, don't the fact that you want to learn about diversity and the fact you want to ask questions and the fact that we're going to do this podcast together, live? Um, I want to help you and so he helped me. Like, get around, get over my own guilt of like I was guilty by association, you know, and now I think there's. Every culture has its bad eggs, right, you know, but for me, what I learned about my diversity was kind of what you, what you just kind of talked about.

Speaker 2: 46:37

It's just being a little bit more curious and not everybody comes from where we come from. And one thing I've shared with my son we were at a restaurant maybe a couple of years ago. I said how many, how many people of color do you see in this restaurant? He looked around, he's like none. I said imagine if we were the only white people in an all Asian restaurant or all African American. You know like how would we feel? That would feel weird because we've never experienced. But that's how sometimes people of color feel their whole life.

Speaker 3: 47:03

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 47:04

So Dale has a. He has a tournament every year.

Speaker 3: 47:10

It's called the Soul.

Speaker 2: 47:11

Cup Golf Tournament. Is it here? No, they have it around the world, around the United States. But I said, Dale, I want to be one of the lone white dudes that gets invited to that thing. And he's like you're in, yeah, so he, anyway, I, I. I get off my soapbox here, man, but tell me how, um, how really your work in diversity has impacted you as a dad.

Speaker 3: 47:32

Yeah, I think, um, I often talk about the power of stories and stories are what connect us and as a, as a young guy, I didn't have the ability to one understand my story enough to even share it. But I learned throughout my life like not to be ashamed of my story and for so much of my life, even to the point I got. I was recruited and my coaches didn't even know my story. I hid it and it wasn't until my senior year my coaches, I, finally started sharing some of my story and they saw a YouTube video and they, I remember I get back to campus and pull into the office and my head coach is like he was just like in tears.

Speaker 3: 48:15

He was like I had no idea and and I think the magnitude of that moment, how it shaped me, was that one, my story isn't something that's going to hinder me or hinder the people around me and they're not going to make excuses for me, but I literally felt a shift in our team once I became vulnerable and kind of opened up and it wasn't like, hey, I want to have a better team. It wasn't like, hey, I want to have a better team, but we literally went 0-11. My junior year brought back the same group of guys and won the first ever conference championship game. Because my coach said he said your guys will select you as a captain. I know they will. He said my hope is that you've done a great job leading by example, which I pride myself on when I talk about it. But he said I want you to share if you feel compelled.

Speaker 3: 49:03

He's done a great job, leading by example, which I pride myself on, right, when I talk about it. But he said I want you to share. If you feel compelled to share the way that you shared with me today, right, and that will inspire your guys. And so for me, I think, doing it and seeing it happen in real time and unfold, if you can, I think there's something special. You know that's about a locker room, because before diversity, equity, inclusion became popular, like we got it right inside our locker rooms and we and the good teams had had to if they wanted to win.

Speaker 3: 49:31

And so for us and they and teams come together in different ways. For us, we came together because of stories and we really got to know each other on a deeper level, and so from that, I eventually developed a curriculum based on that experience, and then I was able to survey a lot of people over the years and like, what do you want to learn and how do you want to learn? And so oftentimes it came from just stories, right. And so the curriculum that I had is still titled most popular and requested, even my keynote. It's just stories matter, creating a unified culture, and so how do we incorporate stories to build bridges and not burn them down? And so that's kind of how it started, just in the locker room. Now it's grown into just a big part of my, my own platform and my own business.

Speaker 2: 50:21

So, yeah, Wow, Love that. Well, I man, I get to decide. We're going to meet in person. I'm going to make you meet me in person. And luckily, sometimes we do podcasts. Everybody like I'm interviewing people virtually and it's not always here, but John and I live within an hour of each other and we he is going to meet me in person because I can't wait, because I talk about stories as well and I teach. I teach sellers or people in business to be a curious storyteller.

Speaker 2: 50:45

Yeah, Stories sell slides storyteller, yeah, stories sell slides, don't, yeah. And if you can't? And then you also just talked about one of my superpowers I don't mean that egotistically, I mean it's something I work on every single day is the three superpowers that I have that I work on every day, that I work to ignite my own family, that I believe I like to ignite in businesses? Um, I think they change cultures, and your proof of it not just cultures, as in people, but cultures of environments is humility, vulnerability and curiosity.

Speaker 3: 51:12

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 51:13

And your proof. You literally just you. You showed those fantastically. I mean everybody at home. You don't go on 11 with the same dudes and go back and win.

Speaker 3: 51:22

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 51:22

It doesn't happen.

Speaker 3: 51:23

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 51:24

So shout out to your coach yeah, yeah, um, give him some love for doing what he did. And then shout out to you for just being humble, like putting your ego aside, being humble enough to say you know what shit, I'm gonna listen to him and I'm gonna do this and your team ride around. Yeah, yeah, it's awesome, freaking awesome. Um, okay, I need to hear about the nickname push and and talk about I'm sure people are home like man, I, I gotta, I gotta, I learned, I gotta learn more about John. Yeah, talk about push and talk about how people can learn more about what you do as a speaker.

Speaker 3: 51:54

Yep, of course. So push, push, push started. Now I was uh, I'm a firm believer in mentorship and so I've studied, research, mentorship, advocate for mentorship. I believe every believe, every great person is one mentor away from achieving their dream. And so for me, I remember when I was just a young guy, 19, I was dating a girl and her dad who was a pastor, he would spend so much time with me. I remember he'd say things like you're a diamond in the rough and I used to take it as an insult. After that experience, you know, didn't work out, I realized he spent so much time with me because it wasn't so much for the sake of his daughter. But yeah, he was doing it in a way to protect her, to open doors, find out whoever your spouse is going to find her love language and be intentional about honoring that love link. Just things that like. He gave me books and different things that helped me be who I am today, really in my marriage. But he preached a sermon once. It was pray until something happens, push.

Speaker 2: 53:01

And I said pray until something happens.

Speaker 3: 53:04

Yep, pray until something happens, the secular world, and share a message of resiliency and grit, just to keep pushing until your dreams become a reality and then keep pushing some more. And so for me it's like now we have merchandise that says what's your push? Because maybe it's not prayer for you, but maybe it's perseverance until something happens, or push until something happens, or push until something happens, or practice until something happens. Oh, you said my word Right. But whatever it is, I need to get you a push band.

Speaker 2: 53:53

Oh, practice is one of my favorite words. Oh, sorry to interrupt you, but you hit my heart. Oh, you're good.

Speaker 3: 53:58

Right, you're good, and that is I want the listeners to hear like that's it in real time. And I share people the time like why are you so generous or why do you? Because push isn't about me. Our mission is to inspire others to make their dream a reality and so anything I can do to support someone else in their platform. That's why I love joining podcasts. I know it was a little hard this year has been difficult with people passing away close to me, but that's why I love joining others podcasts, that's why I love you know businesses and then inviting people into the platforms that I have when it, when appropriate.

Speaker 3: 54:30

So, anyway, that's how it started. It just started as a push this, this band that I would text some of my guys most days and at the end I would say keep pushing. And then I'm like I'm going to get bands as a reminder, because some of them are like hey, you text us too early. You know you text us too much. And so I said I'll just get some bands made and I will, you know. And I didn't start as something like hey, I'm going to go to schools. I want to be a keynote speaker because, like I shared in the beginning I had a speech impediment so I never thought I was going to speak, you know, for a living and and. So for me it just really started as a band, just to serve as a reminder really to myself not to give up on me, not to give up on my dreams, and then to the people closest to me.

Speaker 2: 55:10

So Wow, we will. And how can people find you? What's the best way where we can make sure that you're, that you're going to be linked in the show notes? What's the best way, john?

Speaker 3: 55:22

Best way, I would say website has all my information and that's just johnpushgangscom. And then all on social media is just push P-U-S-H, gangs, g-a-i-n-e-s, so that's the best way. Then my nonprofit is push for dreams. If you want to learn about some of the community stuff that we're doing from the nonprofit, push for dreams, push for dreams Yep, push for dreams, push for dreams. Yep.

Speaker 2: 55:47

Push for dreams.

Speaker 3: 55:48

Push F O R, then dreams with an S.

Speaker 2: 55:52

Okay, love it, I will make sure that's uh, all linked in the show notes. And um, you know, I think, um, I think the universe has, has plans for us. My man, I don't know what, but I believe I used to say, oh, I randomly met that guy or oh, I just I don't believe that anymore at ripe old age, 48. I believe now we serendipitously meet. Serendipitously, if I could speak English serendipitously happen today that we're supposed to meet Mo. I love you, brother. Thank you for making today happen.

Speaker 3: 56:21

Shout out to.

Speaker 2: 56:22

Mo. Okay, so a couple last questions before then we're going to go into the lightning round, which is when I go really off script. We've talked about a lot of adversity. We've talked about a lot of positivity. We've talked about a lot of great things that you and your wife are doing. I like to know one. One question I always like asking dads is what's an area of your dad game that you know might not be where you want it, but you can be honest with yourself and admit man, here's, here's a gap that I have, but I'm working on it and I'm letting me lead my witness. I'm, as a competitive guy. Patience is something I have to be always working on, always, yeah, and meeting my kids where they are, not where I think they should be, yep, for you. Tell me what comes to mind Maybe that might speak to some dads at home and area your dad game where you're working hard to become better version of you.

Speaker 3: 57:04

Yeah, something I remind myself of often is just present, being present, and I think we're still. We're a young family and so we are still in a very much building phase. But just being present, man, and I think I share often the reason people ask me all the time, like I work with a speaking agency and I don't travel as much as like other speakers, and they're like hey, you can make a lot more money. Or I'm like, well, I'm building out my business in a way so that when I'm, you know, so that I'm as present as I can be. So for me, the area that I'm always trying to improve on is being present, right, making sure I'm not on my phone when I walk into the door.

Speaker 3: 57:50

If we're watching a movie, let's watch a movie. For eating dinner, let's eat dinner Listening to my kids, even if I'm doing something that I think is important. If they come up and say, dad, you know, look at this, I'm stopping that thing, and because that thing is always going to be there, they're not. And so, yeah, so, just so, just presence. That's something. That's an area that always trying to get better, 1%, better in every day.

Speaker 2: 58:12

Brother, you are wise beyond your years. I know I got it by a feel, you, but you are wise beyond your years and, uh, it's been an honor meeting you. Um, okay, if you were to summarize everything we've talked about in into like three acts, two or three actionable bullets or nuggets of wisdom that dads can take from our conversation day to become the ultimate, or quarterback leader of their home, mr Gaines, tell me what comes to mind.

Speaker 3: 58:37

I would say be intentional. Be intentional, kind and loving to yourself, because what you pour into yourself is what you're going to give on to others, mostly your wife and your kids. And so I think summing up all the stories and everything I shared is me trying to articulate what I do in private. I try to be kind to myself, attention to myself, try to love on myself, because of what I give to myself is what I'm giving to others. I've read it. I'll send you this quote after. I'm not going to try to say it, but it was along the lines of how we treat the people closest to us our wives and our kids is subconsciously, essentially how we treat ourselves. Wow. So I think for me it's like man in the mirror. Michael Jackson, oh, I love that song.

Speaker 2: 59:27

So I think, uh, for me it's like man in the mirror.

Speaker 3: 59:28

the Michael Jackson oh, I love that song, so that's what I. Those are some of the bullet points I would share, for sure.

Speaker 2: 59:31

Love it so good, um, okay, if I now we go into what's called the lightning round, yep, uh. This is what I'm going to show you. The negative hits have taken too many hits in college. Not bong hits, but football hits. Yep, uh, my, your job is to answer these questions as quickly as you can. My job is to make you laugh. Okay, gotcha, okay, are you ready? Yep, okay. That smile does not count. We're going to restart. True or false at East, at the mighty tigers, at the true or false at East Central. You once kicked a 62 yard field goal to beat Oklahoma state. False, false.

Speaker 3: 1:00:08

State False, false, didn't even get him to giggle.

Speaker 2: 1:00:10

True or false, you once squatted 845 pounds False.

Speaker 3: 1:00:12

Got a giggle, here we go. If you knew my knees.

Speaker 2: 1:00:17

Okay, if I went into your phone right now, what would be one song that might surprise coach Mo that you listened to?

Speaker 3: 1:00:21

Oh, my five heartbeats. It's a movie that has a soundtrack. A lot of people don't know it, but it's. It's like the old school, kind of like Temptations.

Speaker 2: 1:00:29

Oh, I like Temptations Five.

Speaker 3: 1:00:30

Heartbeats, the Five Heartbeats, I think and I looked it up last week it's the, I think the Dales. I never heard of them. They're the ones that are doing the music for this like superstitious fake group group the five heartbeats, but it's a great album.

Speaker 2: 1:00:48

Okay, I'm looking it up because I like I listen to yak rock. Yeah, just some old had some gold sold to it. Um, if I came to your house for dinner tonight, what would we have for dinner?

Speaker 3: 1:00:54

we are actually going to a hotel tonight okay yeah, so, like I shared with you, we're building a house right now, so we're in this like hot apartment and so, yeah, whatever you want, order room service, we're going to the AC.

Speaker 2: 1:01:10

There we go, that sounds I, I, we put. We were one of the. I say I was one of the OG AC people here in Seattle. We put AC in in um 2002 and people thought we were nuts and I was like, and then, 2006, when my son was born and ha, after about a you know call it six months, he was alive and we had a hot streak in Seattle and it was like 7,000 degrees and I was like this this investment alone just paid for itself in one night, cause I got a baby that's sleeping, yep, so I feel you, I feel you with that Tell me the last book you read.

Speaker 3: 1:01:49

I'm reading. I'm reading a lot right now. The last book I read, the Psychology of Money, was the last one I finished. I'm reading, like several right now, so none of them are complete, but the Psychology of Money.

Speaker 2: 1:02:02

Okay, there we go. If there was, if you and your wife were going to take a vacation right now no kids, where are we going?

Speaker 3: 1:02:09

I will go to the Bahamas.

Speaker 2: 1:02:11

Sounds good. Been there. That's awesome. If there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.

Speaker 3: 1:02:18

Don't quit the journey of resiliency and perseverance.

Speaker 2: 1:02:25

Love it. Okay, now, john, you don't know this, but this book is killing it. Amazon can't keep the copies in the warehouse, it's in every airport and they're flying off the shelf. And so now Amazon and Hulu and Netflix and Apple they're arguing over it. Finally, one of them wins it, and you are now the casting director. I need to know who's going to star you in this critically acclaimed, hit new movie.

Speaker 3: 1:02:49

Ooh, the young. The young version of me Wow, I'm terrible with names. Okay, the, the. The younger Mary version of me will be Michael Jordan, michael B Jordan actor. The older version, as I grow wiser, is Denzel Washington.

Speaker 2: 1:03:06

Love it, love it. And then last, last, last, last question Tell me two words that would describe how you feel for your wife.

Speaker 3: 1:03:14

Love, respect.

Speaker 2: 1:03:17

There we go Lightning rounds over a teeny bit of a giggle, but I kind of giggled at my own jokes. We'll call it a tie. Dr John Gaines, man, this has been an honor to spend time with you. Let's ask, or I cannot wait for this episode to come out. It's um, this will be an episode, everybody, that you're going to want to listen to more than once, because there was. I have two pages of notes here.

Speaker 2: 1:03:34

There's so much depth into this conversation and let me remind you that you don't need a microphone to have these types of conversations with your friends and family. Uh, I remind myself that often. So be a little bit more, be a little bit more curious tomorrow, be a little less judgmental, and one of my favorite things that John said is who you are in private is who you are what, what, what, fricking wise advice right there. And it's like and if you don't like who you are in private, fix it, do something about it. It doesn't mean you, you know, it doesn't mean that's who you have to be. So it's been an honor spending time with him.

Speaker 2: 1:04:08

Grateful, I want to thank all the dads and moms and grandpas, whoever's listening, and one of the biggest things you can do for us in this podcast is just share an episode with somebody you think they should listen to it, or go into wherever you consume your podcast and just take the time to leave us a review. That would mean the world to us. But, john man, thank you so much for your time. It's been an honor. I'm grateful our paths have crossed.

Speaker 3: 1:04:27

Thank you, brother. It was good. I'm going to listen to this as well, because you dropped a lot of nuggets yourself, so I appreciate you. Yeah, you too, man.