Embracing Vulnerability: Transforming Life Through Love

Ever felt overwhelmed by life's demands and wondered if you're truly grasping the essence of love? Join us on an eye-opening journey as we recount personal experiences of exhaustion and the profound realizations that followed. Through intensive counseling, we discovered a critical truth: understanding and living out love isn't as straightforward as years of teaching and preaching might suggest. You'll learn about a pivotal moment when a counselor highlighted the importance of embracing our failures, recognizing that we are not alone, and knowing that we are loved. This revelation pushed us to revisit biblical teachings and reflect deeply on the boundless love of Christ, transforming our approach to ministry, family, and relationships.

Imagine a world where love isn't just a concept but a tangible force that influences every sphere of life. In this episode, we explore the transformative power of winsome love, especially in today's divided and often hostile environments. Inspired by 1 Corinthians 13 and the powerful message of "The Greatest Showman," we envision Madison Church as a community where individuals can openly share their broken parts without fear of rejection. By embracing vulnerability and focusing on genuine personal transformation through love, we aim to change the scorecard from one of mere accomplishments to one of acceptance and growth. Don't miss this heartfelt discussion on making love the cornerstone of your life and community.

Chapters

• 0:00 Journey of Understanding Love
• 5:36 Finding Love Through Vulnerability
• 17:05 Embracing Vulnerability and Transformation

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Well, several years ago, I was in ministry, but I was at the end of my rope. I was completely exhausted, and you know the old adage is true that exhausted people exhaust people, hurt people, hurt people, divide people, divide people. And I was exhausting those around me. I was angry a lot of the times. I was exhausting my family, my friends, the staff that I'd led, and I needed help. So I went to counseling, and by going to counseling I don't mean just like going every once in a while, I mean I was full, all-in counselee, three times a week for several months on end. It was a journey that actually continues to this day not as frequent, but it continues to this day. And so I began meeting with a counselor and I was kind of hoping that it'd be a quick fix, that at the end of just a few weeks I would be able to write a book.

Speaker 1: 0:50

I conquered counseling, and so can you, but that wasn't the case, because I knew there was some deeper stuff going on that I needed to wrestle with. I knew that it would be a long journey, and the reason I knew there would be a long journey was because there's just something missing. I couldn't figure it out, but there was something missing in my life that wasn't gelling. That was like a chasm waiting to be filled. Couldn't figure out why, over the course of many years, things that everybody else would find and say were a great success in my life, I felt an emptiness around find and say were a great success in my life. I felt an emptiness around. In fact, just before going to this counselor, I had been at my church and we were in a pond. We had a pond outside of our church and we were baptizing over 300 people that day and it was by far the most the church had ever baptized. And I remember standing there in the water on a day that should be a day of incredible celebration, thinking why isn't it 700?

Speaker 1: 1:51

So there I was the first few weeks in my counselor's office, totally exhausted, completely confused and emotionally, spiritually, relationally spent. And a few weeks in, after I kind of explained my situation to the counselor, he leaned into me and I'll never forget he said Jason, I figured out the issue for you. The issue is you have no idea about love. You have no idea how to accept love, feel love or give love. Your issue is that you don't understand or live out love. And I remember thinking to myself seriously, this is all you got Love. I mean, I teach about love all the time. I know about love. I mean let's talk about Freud or something Like why are we focused in on love? He looked at me and he said I didn't tell you you didn't know about love. I didn't say you didn't teach love, it's just that it's never really sunk into you.

Speaker 1: 2:56

And so the journey we're going to go on is a journey of you understanding, receiving and showing love, a love that has always been there for you from your heavenly father. You need to understand and grasp love. And then he took out a post-it note and he wrote down these three sentences and he handed it to me. He said I want you to take this with you wherever you go. You will fail. You are not alone, you are loved. And if you forget everything I have to say today, remember those three things you will fail. You are not alone, you are loved. And in that moment I knew he was right. In that moment I thought that's what I've been missing. I don't grasp this thing called love.

Speaker 1: 3:43

The great theologian AW Tozer once wrote this we have substituted theological ideas for an arresting encounter. We are full of religious notions, but our great weakness is that for our hearts there is no one there. For our hearts there is no one there, and while I had been for years full of theological ideas and religious notions, I realized that for my heart there was no one there, and that needed to change. So I began to wrap my life around this thing called love, and over the course of the next several weeks I found myself in familiar passages, passages that I had known since I was a little kid. I went to Matthew 22, where Jesus is asked what's the Bible all about? What's following you all about? And he sums it up in one word love. Love God, love others. Or, in the words of the Beatles, all you need is love.

Speaker 1: 4:34

I went back to Paul's prayer in Ephesians 3, and I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. And I sat there thinking I prayed this for so many people, but I don't get it, because my love is only a few feet wide, a few feet long, a few feet deep. My love for my family is only a few feet wide, a few feet long, a few feet deep. My love for my family is only a few feet wide, a few feet long, a few feet deep. My love for my church is only a few feet wide, a few feet long, a few feet deep. My love for myself is only a few feet wide, a few feet long, a few feet deep. And I remember saying to God God, I've been following you for nearly 35 years now, I've been in ministry for 20 years and I have no clue about love.

Speaker 1: 5:36

Today we're continuing our series Outrageous Faith, where we're looking at what it takes to be a people in a church that actually influences those around us, that influences different spheres, our personal spheres, our family spheres, our community spheres and even political spheres in this election season. And we cannot talk about that or actually implement that without love. And so Stephen asked me to talk about this idea of winsome love, or in other words, love that actually is attractive both internally and externally, because we live in a divided, hate-filled world full of rash judgments and blind loyalties. And the only thing, the only thing I believe that will change, that is love. But love often eludes us. It's a nice concept, but we don't understand how to live it out and to experience it ourselves.

Speaker 1: 6:28

So in the time I have remaining, I'm going to just share some lessons I've learned over the years, as I started that journey nearly eight years ago and I'm continuing on it now. And the first lesson is this a life without love can't be heard, gets you nowhere and wins you nothing. Very uplifting, I know, but a life without love can't be heard, gets you nowhere and wins you nothing. Very uplifting, I know, but a life without love can't be heard, gets you nowhere and wins you nothing. Paul understood this in 1 Corinthians 13, which is often referred to as the love chapter. Paul talks about this. It's a chapter you often hear at weddings and it is appropriate for weddings, but there's much deeper meaning in it. See, paul was writing to a church in Corinth. The church was loaded with talented, highly professional, highly educated people. They obviously all went to UW-Madison. In fact, he rattles off some of their gifts in 1 Corinthians 12. They were a success.

Speaker 1: 7:23

So when Paul mentions all the different gifts people have teaching, serving, evangelism, prophecy they're probably thinking that's us, we're on top of things. But then he shocks them. He turns the corner, does a 180 on them in 1 Corinthians 13. And this is what he says. And yet I will show you the most excellent way. In other words, you think you're good. Let me show you something different. And this is what he says.

Speaker 1: 8:12

In other words, paul is saying you kind of missed the whole point. You missed this thing that's supposed to be the fuel for your gifts, the fuel for your talents, the fuel for your successes. You're operating out of the wrong motivating factor. If it's just about your gifts or your talent, it's going to sound good, it's going to look good, but it's not going to sound good Without love. It gets you nowhere. Many of you know what that's like. You can accomplish something great and there should be more lasting things to it, but the euphoria lasts only a moment and then it goes, and Paul would say it's because love wasn't the motivating factor, knowing that without love people can't hear us.

Speaker 1: 8:56

It's like a clanging gong or a cymbal. He says you see, the church of Corinth would know what he's talking about, because Corinth was known as Kenneth Bailey, an ancient Near Eastern expert, was known for what is called Corinthian bronzes, and the Corinthian bronze would be something that wealthy Romans would come and buy. And the way it worked is that there is artisans constantly shaping and making noise with these bronze material, and so that when you're in the street you could hardly hear each other talking because the noise of these things was clanging so loud. And Paul says that's what it's like with a life without love. And you know it's similar with us, right? That too often people see us and they see what we're doing, but they can't hear us because we're in a life without love. And I brought these things just mainly to annoy you this morning.

Speaker 1: 9:54

But the reality is, when you're living without love, when you're motivating, your motivation factor is not love. Paul says this is what you sound like. Your motivation factor is not love. Paul says this is what you sound like, and nobody can hear you. And so you're leading a business and you're making your profits each year In fact, you have 10% growth every year and you're doing everything that people say is a success. But the environment you're creating at your office is a cutthroat environment where all you care about is the bottom line and you don't care about people, your staff. All they hear is this or maybe your kids are a success, they're the top athlete on their teams, they're number one in school. People see your family and they say you know what we want to be like. That family, that's a picture perfect family. But when you can't give your kids space to breathe, when they're not allowed to show their failures or show their vulnerabilities or ask their questions, when all they feel is this pressure to keep going and doing better and better to please you, all they hear is this.

Speaker 1: 11:01

And when we live in a culture where people are looking at Christians and wondering why are you so hate-filled? Why is it, especially in a political season, that all you do is tend to spew judgment on people? Why is it that the religion that says it's all about love seems to be only about hate? All they hear is this I really want to keep going with these, just to keep doing this the rest of the morning, but I won't See. The reality is that when people live without love, it's just a clanging gong or a clanging cymbal. And Paul says nobody can hear you. All they hear is the white noise. All they hear is annoyance. See, a life without love gets you nowhere.

Speaker 1: 11:53

Lesson number two love can only be discovered when you come out of hiding. It can only be discovered when you come out of hiding. I remember thinking I want to hear the voice of God again and I want people in my life not just the church, but especially my kids and those closest to me to not hear this clanging cymbal anymore. I want them to experience the love that Paul talks about. And what I'm learning these several years past is that love only happens when you come out of hiding. It begins in a place of vulnerability where I'm willing to risk being known and even being rejected. See, the greatest enemy to love is not hate. The greatest enemy to love is fear. That's why John would write this 1 John 4, 18,.

Speaker 1: 12:44

As one friend of mine would often say, if it's true that perfect love drives out fear, it is also true that perfect fear drives out love. Fear that you might not actually be lovable, fear that if people saw you, all they would do is reject you. Fear of so many things. And that fear grips you but also drives you to prove that you can be loved. And when you're operating in that fear to prove you are worthy of love, you will hide, you'll be leading in work and somebody will ask a difficult question and you don't know the answer to it. Instead of just simply saying I don't know, you'll fake it. You'll give them an answer that really means nothing because you think to yourself what will they think of me if they think I don't know that? Or you'll be with somebody that you care about and you know you need to speak some truth into their lives. But instead of going there, instead of going into that awkward, hard conversation, you'll pull back and not say anything because you're afraid.

Speaker 1: 13:43

Or you're in a small group from church and you know you're struggling. You know you're wrestling with many things, whether it's addiction or just some struggles in life, maybe just some pain, and you know this community is designed to help you through that. But they're so spiritual, they got their stuff together and so when people ask you how you're doing, you say I'm fine, you hide, you try to earn love. But here's the thing love isn't something you earn, it's something given. And if you're a highly fearful, highly driven person like me, that's hard to accept. It's hard to accept when our whole lives we were taught you're only loved if you get the A. You're only lovable if you're a size four. You're only lovable if your company grows. You're only lovable if you are married. You are only lovable if you prove you are lovable and God comes in and says hang on, you are lovable because I say you are lovable, whereas my counselor would often remind me you are loved, jason. Why, I have no idea, but that's God's issue, not yours. You are loved because God's issue, not yours. You are loved because God says you are lovable.

Speaker 1: 14:57

This is what Paul was getting at in 1 Corinthians 13. He continues Love is patient, Love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. And so often when we read that passage we think primarily that's about the type of love we should give. And it is. But I think Tim Keller is right that we're initially reading this from the wrong perspective, because what this passage is doing is showing us the type of love God has for us, because our love only sometimes protects, barely trusts, and fails all the time. But God's love is patient with us and, oh, it's so kind to us. It doesn't keep records of wrong, thank goodness. It doesn't keep records of wrong, thank goodness. God always protects, always trusts, always perseveres, always hopes. His love never fails, it wins. And when you realize that this love you always have in God is what it is, it changes the whole ballgame. It's a love we must surrender to.

Speaker 1: 16:10

David Brenner, one of my favorite authors, writes this genuine transformation requires vulnerability. It is not the fact of being loved unconditionally that is life-changing. Now don't miss this. It is the risky experience of allowing myself to love, be loved unconditionally. It's the risky experience of allowing myself to be loved unconditionally where I say you know what? I'm not here to earn love. I don't need to earn love from you because I already have it from God, and you don't need to earn love for me because you already have it from God. Why, I don't know, but that's God's issue, not ours. And if we can become a type of community where we all know that, then we'll all start to come out of hiding and step into vulnerability where we say to each other this is who I am, this is me.

Speaker 1: 17:05

One of my favorite movies that I've watched probably about 10 or 15 times with my kids is the Greatest Showman, which is very roughly based on the life of PT Barnum, and if you've seen that movie you know that in that movie there's kind of all these misfit characters that Barnum brings in to his circus. And at one poignant moment in the movie the bearded woman comes out of hiding and gives this whole group worth and she sings a song called this Is Me. Take a look, I'm not a stranger to the dark. Hide away, they say, because we don't want your broken parts. I've learned to be ashamed of all my scars. And how many of us could say that, man, there's so much shame. Run away, they say. No one will love you as you are. I wonder how many people think about Christians that way. But I know that I deserve your love because there's nothing I'm not worthy of. When the sharpest words want to cut me down, I'm going to set in the flood, going to drown them out. This is brave, this is proof. This is who I'm meant to be, this is me. And I wonder what would happen if Madison Church, this church, became a this is me community when I say to you these are my broken parts. I'm a recovering addict, this is me. I wonder if you said to me this is me. This is my divorce, these are my struggles, these are my broken parts, this is me. What would it be like if we had that type of love here where people walk in and say this is me and everybody says, all right, we're a this is me community where we accept you, where we have a safe place for you, where you can be you, I can be me, and together on this journey we can experience this wonderful, amazing thing called love.

Speaker 1: 19:06

Lesson three love changes the scorecard. Love changes the scorecard. See, here's what happens. When you begin in the place of vulnerability, with love, you realize that the goal is not so much about accomplishing things but being transformed. Love changes the scorecard. If we said we simply want a community where we're vulnerable and probably say this is me, but no transformation happened, then it'd be kind of worthless. That's why Jesus would say this in John 15, as the father has is me, but no transformation happened, then it'd be kind of worthless. That's why Jesus would say this in John 15, as the father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. Then he goes on and says something interesting If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my father's commands, and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. In other words, love is about who you are becoming. It's about joy being started in you and completed in you. It's about remaining in Jesus, so much so that you'll want to obey him, not out of obligation, but because you know it's the most fulfilling thing possible. Love is about character. Paul knew this. So while those words are descriptive of God's love, they're also prescriptive for us that, yes, as you remain in this love, as you understand the love of God for you, you're going to start to show that love, and so you're going to become a little more patient. You're going to show kindness. When the world doesn't show kindness, you're going to offer forgiveness and keep no records of wrong. You're going to be patient. In a fast-paced world that's hard, you're going to find hope. And when life gets hard, you're going to persevere. And, above all, you're going to show that love never fails, that it always wins, because there's something developing inside of you Love changes the scorecard. This has been revolutionary for me In my previous life. If you asked me what success looks like, I would have talked to you about what I accomplished as a pastor. I would have riled off how many people I had reached. I would talk about initiatives that I'd started and I would even give you a 10-year plan for my life. Now I would probably tell you how exhausting it was, but that would be kind of a moment of pride as well, because, as I was told growing up, that if you're going to burn out, burn out for Jesus. But now, as I'm beginning to understand love and I'm just beginning to understand it, even eight years later the scorecard is changing. It's not that reaching people and doing bold things for God isn't good, it is. I'm just convinced that it's not the whole ball game anymore. You ask me what my scorecard is now. I would tell you it's joy in the simple things, the joy of seeing my seven-year-old stepson smile and laugh and want me to play basketball in his room, where I have to play on my knees and I get rug burned. That's joy. I tell you that my scorecard is those relationships in my life. How now I'm getting a second chance at marriage. I'm trying not to repeat the mistakes of my past and enjoying the moments I have with my wife. I talk to you about my kids, what they're teaching me about God. I would tell you about how I'm trying to organize my life and my schedule so that I can be there for them, even if at times there's distance between us and strains that we have to navigate through. I would tell you that my job, well, it's just a job. I clock in at eight, leave at 4. Also, that I can focus on some other things and it's for the season that's important for me. That's my scorecard. You see, love changes the scorecard. It makes it more holistic, it makes it about becoming, not just doing. So what's your scorecard? Is it incomplete, only half filled and focused on the things you do for God, or is it also about who you are becoming in your relationship with God and others, and maybe more for this community? What's the scorecard for Madison Church? It can't be just about reaching more or being innovative, although maybe that's part of it but we have to ask questions, questions like are we developing communities here that are more patient and more kind? Are we known as the people who you know immediately. You can trust us. Are we known as the people who don't keep records of wrong with each other, but who believe the best in each other, no matter what our background is, no matter if we're Republican or Democrat, no matter whether we've been to churches our whole life or this is the first time we've ever stepped inside of a church? Are we being a type of community where love is the answer? Lesson three love changes the scorecard, but one final lesson that I'm learning is this love will give you a bad reputation. Love will give you a bad reputation. See, when you step out of hiding and into love, you will realize that you are loved. And when you remain in that love, god begins to do something in you and you become like Jesus. You begin to see people the way Jesus did. Stephen talked earlier on a passage from 2 Corinthians 5. It says this for Christ's love compels us because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore Stephen talked earlier on a passage from 2 Corinthians 5. It says this here's the point From now on, we regard no one from a worldly point of view. We start to see people the way Jesus saw them, and you can't help yourself, but to go to them. You can't help yourself, but to love them. You can't help yourself but to welcome them into this community of misfits, and you are all misfits. Just accept it. But this is dangerous, dangerous territory because you will be criticized by church people. You will be criticized by the religious elite. You will be criticized by those who call themselves evangelicals. You will get a bad reputation. But you will be just like Jesus. Luke 7, the son of man, that's Jesus, came eating and drinking and you say here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners. He was a friend of them. You know them, the people that religious people say stay away from. And as a friend, he would eat with them, like he did Zacchaeus and Matthew, who were tax collectors considered vile by the Jewish community. He would break religious laws to help them and heal them, like he did with lepers, who nobody else would touch. He would restore their value, like he did with the woman caught in adultery. He would cross racial and gender lines, like he did with the Samaritan woman. But love doesn't care about reputation. Love cares about people. Love gives up reputation for the sake of people. It just can't help itself. And when you give yourself to this type of love, you'll start to be friends of people that other people say you shouldn't be, that religious people say stay away from, and they won't get it. They won't understand. They won't understand when you forgive that person for that terrible thing they did to you. They'll say why are you giving them a second chance? And you say because Jesus gave me a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth chance in a row, and he continues to give me chances. So I'm going to give them one too. And man is in church. What would it be like if we had the reputation that Jesus said that we were a friend of them? You know the people I'm talking about, people that we shouldn't be friends with. See, if we remain in Christ's love, our reputation will be ruined, because love will make us go to the poor and not just help them but learn from them and be their friends. Love will make us embrace those with deep gripping addictions and be their friends. Love will make us walk alongside businessmen and women who others say are cutthroat and unlovable, and we'll be their friends. Love will make us walk alongside businessmen and women who others say are cutthroat and unlovable, and we'll be their friends. Love will take us from the suburbs to the city to sit down with people in different situations and ask what is it like to be you? Love will make us cross racial lines, ask people of different ethnicities, of different colors and say I don't get it, I don't understand the systemic issues, but would you teach me? And we'll be their friends. Love will ask us to go to the immigrant and be a source of encouragement and help. We'll hear them, listen to them and help them. We'll be their friends. Love will take us into Madison, into the farthest reaches of the globe, even Niagara Falls, to sit with people, to sit with the orphan, the widow, the refugee. We will be their friends and love will take us across the street, down the halls of our school or office, to the single mother, the divorced dad, the troubled student, and we'll be their friend. My prayer, madison Church, is not that you remain, that we remain with a good reputation. I hope we destroy our reputation for the sake of others, and the reason we do this is because when Jesus came to earth, he did that for us. Jesus, paul says, was in very nature God, but he did not consider equality with God something to be grasped. Instead, he ruined his reputation. He became like a servant and he became obedient to death, even death on the cross. Why For us? And the good news is that love wins. At the name of Jesus, paul continues every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. So today, in just a moment, you're going to have a chance to celebrate this love. The band is going to sing a song and you're going to have a chance to go back and celebrate this thing we call communion. And the night he was betrayed, jesus took bread and he said this is my body which is given for you. This do and remembrance of me. And after supper, he took the cup. He said this is the cup of the new covenant which is poured out for you, for the forgiveness of sin. This do and remembrance of me. And as we do that, let us remember this is love. This is the love we get to experience, this is the love we get to step into and this is the love we get to step into, and this is the love we get to give, because love never fails. Love always, always wins.