Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel
These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s ongoing conversations, which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These far-ranging discussions offer an insider look into how we navigate the world as professionals, as parents and as partners. During these podcasts, David & Ruth challenge the notions that keep all of us from moving forward collectively as systems, as cultures and as families into safety, nurturance and healing. Note: Some of the topics discussed in the episodes are deeply personal and sensitive, which may be difficult for some people. We occasionally use mature language. We often use gender pronouns like “he” when discussing perpetrators and “she” for victims. While both men and women can be abusive and controlling, and domestic abuse happens in straight and same-sex relationships, the most common situation when it comes to coercive control is a male perpetrator and a female victim. Men's abuse toward women is more closely associated with physical injury, fear and control. Similarly, very different expectations of men and women as parents and the focus of Safe & Together on children in the context of domestic abuse make it impossible to make generic references to gender when it comes to parenting. The Model, through its behavioral focus on patterns of behavior, is useful in identifying and responding to abuse in all situations, including same-sex couples and women's use of violence. We think our listeners are sophisticated enough to understand these distinctions.
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Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel
Season 3 Episode 11: Pivoting to The Perpetrator: An essential tool for interrupting victim blaming
Conversations about domestic violence often start from a victim blaming perspective: “Why doesn’t she leave?” or “Why does she keep choosing him over children?” or “I can’t trust her to understand the impact on children. She has a trauma history.” These victim blaming statements interfere with partnering with survivors and holding perpetrators accountable as parents. They also prevent accurate assessments and increase worker frustration with survivors.
In this episode of Partnered With a Survivor, Ruth & David discuss the Safe & Together Model practice of 'Pivoting to the Perpetrator' which offers specific steps to interrupt victim blaming, and to shift the focus on to where it belongs– the perpetrator’s behaviors. The practice helps professionals
- better assess whether interventions with perpetrators are helping or hindering survivor safety
- Better recontextualize how survivor “denial” or “non-compliance” is shaped by the perpetrator’s behaviors and the failures of systems’ interventions
- Be successful with their most challenging cases through better collaborations with survivors and more effective interventions with perpetrators
In this episode, Ruth and David lay out what Pivoting is, why it is important & how to do the three part practice in your work. They discuss the application of Pivoting and how it is an essential skill for domestic violence-informed practice.
Other Related Episodes
Season 3 Episode 7: Understanding And Validating Survivors’ Acts Of Resistance
Season 2 Episode 22: Minisode On Worker Safety & Well-Being: The Connection Between Worker Safety And Victim-Blaming
Season 2, Episode 1: 6 Steps To Partnering With Survivors
Episode 2: Victim Blaming
Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real
Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."