Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel
These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s ongoing conversations, which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These far-ranging discussions offer an insider look into how we navigate the world as professionals, as parents and as partners. During these podcasts, David & Ruth challenge the notions that keep all of us from moving forward collectively as systems, as cultures and as families into safety, nurturance and healing. Note: Some of the topics discussed in the episodes are deeply personal and sensitive, which may be difficult for some people. We occasionally use mature language. We often use gender pronouns like “he” when discussing perpetrators and “she” for victims. While both men and women can be abusive and controlling, and domestic abuse happens in straight and same-sex relationships, the most common situation when it comes to coercive control is a male perpetrator and a female victim. Men's abuse toward women is more closely associated with physical injury, fear and control. Similarly, very different expectations of men and women as parents and the focus of Safe & Together on children in the context of domestic abuse make it impossible to make generic references to gender when it comes to parenting. The Model, through its behavioral focus on patterns of behavior, is useful in identifying and responding to abuse in all situations, including same-sex couples and women's use of violence. We think our listeners are sophisticated enough to understand these distinctions.
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Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel
Episode 8: Male Parental Development and how Father's Parenting Choices Matter
In this episode of "Partnered with a Survivor," Ruth and David start their Sunday morning with a discussion of male parental development, a concept that David coined to help professionals work more effectively with men and families. Societies fail in many ways in home we prepare boys to be parents. Girls education and preparation for parenting may start with her first doll. How does our failure to address boys and men as a vital part of nurturing children harm men and harm families? How does this cultural blindness to the impact of men's behaviors both positive and negative affect the safety and nurturance of children? Our first discussion with boys about parenting usually comes much later and often is focused on how to avoid unwanted pregnancy. The conversation ranges numerous topics including research from Yale University on the "mothering center" in the brain, the need for equal assessment of parenting across same sex and heterosexual relationships and the relevance of better work with fathers for women and children. David speaks directly to men around how to reflect on their preparation to be a father, and tips for professionals about how to engage males better around fatherhood. Ruth speaks to how stereotypes around men as violent is harmful to men, women and children.
If you like this podcast, you might also like our e-learing course "Working with Men as Parents: Fathers' choices matter."
Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in real
Check out David Mandel's new book "Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to transform the way we keep children safe from domestic violence."