The Secret to the Sauce: How to Embrace Your Power and Not Overpower with Stephanie Blamires

You hear the word power and empower a lot, but rarely do you connect temperance to these qualities.  The truth is power without temperance is really dominance and perhaps arrogance disguised as what people call gumption. There is a way to power and empower and not OVERPOWER--it's called temperance.

Let's Build Your ProfitABLE Online Business And Synergize Your Meaningful Work!
Visit www.angelatezeno.com


Info for Stephanie Blamires
Websites/Books/Articles:
Canvas Rebel Magazine: https://canvasrebel.com/meet-stephanie-blamires/
YouTube Interview: 141 - The Wonder and Power of Words with Stephanie Blamires - YouTube

Blog: www.pinkowlpress.com
Instagram: @dreamcottagemagic
Facebook: Facebook
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/stephanie-blamires

Transcript

0:00

So I am super excited about the show today, friends. I promise you it is going to be so totally amazing. You might want to get your favorite tea, get the kids next to their favorite event so that you can have this quality time With the girls, because I promise you, this is not a podcast you want to miss.

iMac Microphone-5: 0:22

Welcome to PB and J the purpose balance and a Jesus podcast. I am your host, Angela. Teza. No on the show. I'll walk you through your busy days and guide you to fulfill your purpose and balance your seven target life areas. Join me for today's episode how to embrace your power without overpowering coming up next.

0:53

We're going to deep dive about the topic, but not without my special guest today, Stephanie. Blaymeyers. Let me tell you all about her. So Stephanie is an educator by day, an aspiring lifestyle blogger and author by night. Her particular passions include home decor and renovation, the art and craft of education. Don't you love that? The art. And craft of education. I love that. And connecting with others through words, stories, and images. She can be found scribbling in a journal, snapping a photograph, or doodling on anything resembling paper. Don't you love her already? Oh my gosh. She is a voracious reader, continually captivated by this window into the mind of favorite Word Smith, she's been featured in the canvas rebel magazine and on YouTube. I'll add all the things you need to connect with her in the show notes. But for now, without further ado, let me introduce to you the amazing Stephanie Bleymeyers. Hi, Stephanie. Hi, Angela. So fun to be with you. Thank you for that amazing intro. So before I dive into the questions, I got to share. I mean, I have so many things on my notes. I want to share, but oh, okay. I Remember my first day meeting you. For those who don't know, we used to work together in education. We both worked at a local elementary school. And, uh, for those who don't understand education, we have what's called a CST. And the CST is basically in charge of making sure that all the curriculum is being implemented correctly and teachers are inspired and empowered to teach that curriculum. Is that right, Stephanie? Is that correct? That is a great definition. I especially love that empowered part. So important. Okay, great. So, we're at our pre training for the school year and our principal introduces our new CST. And you know, with somebody being new on staff, you don't know what to think, you don't know how to embrace, you just know, okay, somebody new is here. And I got to tell you, when Stephanie. Took the stage, I automatically knew I would love her and I'm going to tell you why. And it has everything to do with what we're talking about tonight. I think, well, my first impression of you was she's so pretty. That was my first impression. Oh, so funny to be, to be educated. I'm just saying. Um, and then when you started talking, I knew I would love you. And one of the things that. Really captivated me. The most was you didn't take the opportunity on that particular stage to say how great you are. You didn't take the opportunity to say you should listen to me because I'm in charge. You didn't do any of that. You shared. Your story and, uh, it is a story that is not easy to share but you decided that it is okay to be vulnerable and I can say it wasn't just me the room filled with so much relief because even though the, the, the details of the story weren't as important, it was, she's real too. She's a person. She's human too. And you created that space. And because you use the first opportunity to connect, to be vulnerable and share your space. To me, it created a long lasting opportunity. To listen to what you had to say, no matter what it was about. It could be about what new implementation we will use on teaching division, or it can be the next thing we have to do because our district wants us to. We wouldn't second guess it because you created an atmosphere of trust. On your first day, the first time you had to speak, which leads me to our topic today, because when I, when I thought about this topic on temperance and how to empower without overpowering, you were the first person that came to mind. And so let me tell you, audience. Okay. Cause I can get excited about this. Let me tell you why she was the first person to come to mind because somebody who is as knowledgeable. And has so much expertise and so much genius behind what you do. You don't have to present that kind of talent, that kind of ability. You don't have to present it in the spirit and in the, the aura that you do. I mean, I know a lot of people that know a lot of things, but it's hard to digest what they know because they don't present it in a way that I can, that I can chew and digest it. You create a space. For your genius in a way that people just say, can I have more? Okay. Do you remember, do you remember ever being fed by your mom when you were a toddler and you like, you know, just. That's how it is when you're in the room with the Stephanie, you just want more. And I'm not here to get you blushing. Oh my God. Stephanie is just so true. What I'm saying. Okay. So I, I want you to know that you empowered me that day. You didn't overpower me. And I want to share with my audience, because our audience today is women who are in leadership, women who own businesses, women who are in positions of power. And I know that they want to hear from you about how do I embrace my power and not overpower people. So that leads me to my very First question, we're going to go all in. So question one, you have a passion for knowledge and empowering others with your wealth of knowledge, Stephanie, in education and in life, but you offer and share your expertise with such a sweet aroma. That is facts. Oh my gosh. Share with our listeners today, a piece of your journey and how. You evolved into the woman you are, where you create a space where, you know, you're full of power, but people actually want to embrace that. How did this Stephanie that I know, how did she come to be? Thank you so much for that question because I think it says so much about you and where you're going with your business and what kinds of responses you are hoping to elicit for your viewers. And so this definitely gave me some food for thought. And I had to think back, you mentioned the word vulnerability. And I think that, you know, when we look back on our lives in terms of like storytelling, When we were vulnerable are the moments in which we experienced the most growth. Yeah, for me, definitely. And 12 years ago, I went through a very difficult divorce. And at that time, I had to just re evaluate. Like, who am I now as a human, as an individual? What, um, what kind of church do I wish to attend? What kind of books do I wish to read? What is the music and the tenor that I want to have in my household? What, what are my interactions going to be like and so for me, even though it was a super difficult time personally, it was also just a time of huge growth because I all of a sudden had all these decisions that I was able to make that I maybe hadn't considered a lot as a younger woman. Got it. Having that reset, you know, when we look at those difficult times in our lives, sometimes we look back and think, Oh, gosh, I wish I had gone another direction there. But for me, that has been an important and empowering part of my journey because it just made me aware that. When we go through something publicly, like, there's no way to hide that you're going through a divorce, right? And so, a lot of our life as humans is lived privately, but then there can be these moments where all of a sudden our life is kind of... Out there and it's open for public consumption. And I think we really have the opportunity to define who we are in those moments. Nobody else does it for us. And when you grab that opportunity. It is very empowering. And so I feel like just part of my mission as a woman and as a human being since that point has been to help others recognize that when they're going through something difficult that something Exceptional, extraordinary, amazing might be just around the corner and that it's their decision in those moments that is going to change their trajectory. I love that. I love that. I love that. So this is going to lead into our very next question. But what I'm hearing is that, oh my gosh. Okay. I should've, I should've brought my tissue with me because cry baby. So for you, your first, your first priority in any stage is not telling how much, you know, your first priority is creating a space to let the person under the sound of your voice know that they're heard. That they're understood and that it's going to be okay, whatever it is, because I think what you're saying is what's more important than what I'm about to say is them and what I give them a space to be authentic and real and vulnerable. Once I give them that space, they may be more open to hear whatever it is. I have to say, is that true? That's absolutely true. I believe in a concept called relational capacity. It's been around in the educational world for a while, but also in private business. Okay. And it's kind of, this idea of the way in which you can accept information from someone is limited by your relationship with that person. So if you don't have a deep relationship, You're less inclined to internalize, even if they are sharing something that is so valuable to you that could really help you. If you don't have that relational capacity, there is a ceiling there. Wow! So, for me, when I think about creating a safe space, whether that is in a classroom, a professional development, teaching Sunday school at church, presenting in a larger forum, is to be open to share a little bit of my story, because, you know, that's At its core, I think that's who we are as humans. You know, from the time that we're little babies and learn to speak as toddlers, we want to tell stories. And we want to share stories. And it's part of how, it's really part of how we build community. We build families that way. And it's, I think it's no different in the workplace that it's really important to build those relationships and to be open so that People feel like I trust you. It can't be fake though. You know, there has to be that, that feeling of authenticity. And I think when we share our personal stories, that just naturally comes out. Resonates people, you know, when they hear truth, they know it to be true and, and they're able to, to go from there. And then, you know, they give back in that same, in that same way. And all of a sudden. You're building, building, building towards something that you didn't even know was possible an hour ago. I love it. I love it. And I think you pretty much already answered my next question, which was what is your mindset when you're creating these spaces? So your mindset is how can I serve the person who is under the sound of my voice so that they are comfortable enough and we built. A relationship, even at the smallest level for them to embrace what I'm about to say. Okay. Listening audience. Are you hearing this? Are you hearing this? Okay. So this is amazing to me. The dynamic of building relationships is so important that it's not something we can skip and go to the important thing we want to talk about. But I wanted to ask you this real quickly before I go into the next question, what kind of personality should a person listening work toward to automatically go to I want this conversation to be about you and not about me I mean, everybody can't be a Stephanie, everybody can't be Stephanie, but it's something that we can work toward becoming what would be one step that they can do to embrace that kind of notion? That's a that's an interesting question. I think maybe to take down the barriers. of the buckets. And kind of in this case, I would say there's like the extrovert bucket, like Angela Tesno. She is in the extrovert bucket, right? Your personality is big, you're happy, you're excited. We all can identify that group of people and these are very effective communicators. We're naturally drawn to them. Okay. And then we have this other bucket. more introverted, I actually tend more towards this side. Um, yeah, I do. And within my family dynamics, I would say that's definitely true as well. Okay. But do those labels serve in the, in the case where you're trying to just Build capacity for working together. Maybe it, it works at the beginning for people to understand, here's where I'm coming from. Here's my background, here's where I'm coming from. But what we're really seeking is common ground, and that could be in the slightest little area. Uh, a favorite book, a a favorite movie. A, a song. You know, the last thing that you took a picture of on your phone. Like, these are all things that. In our modern era with media and technology. Yeah, there's a low threshold. It doesn't scare the introvert. But it still interests the extrovert. So I think that kind of low threshold of activity that initially gets people involved, gets them talking. And so that they realize I'm going to have a voice in this conversation no voice is more important than another. And I think that that's part of a hurdle of being a facilitator is thinking, Oh my gosh, how am I going to get all these voices in the room? And I don't just want to be a person on the stage. How do I get that engagement? For me, that's been something that's been effective. I love that. Common ground, find common ground. I'm going to so use that because I have such a big personality, I don't want to overpower the next person and they feel small because I'm large. I want to connect with them too. So if we're in a meeting, if I'm connecting with women and we're talking about business I don't want that, that small voice in the corner to feel like I don't belong here. Right. That goes into my next question. My next question was about the top five reasons that keep people from embracing their power or misusing their power. I did give a lot of thought to this question because I never considered it in those terms before. I had considered it power from the standpoint of why do some people want it. And others don't want it, but not necessarily from this standpoint of what keeps us from going for that power and what causes us to misuse that power. The 1st 1 that I wrote down is fear that they will not be accepted. For what they have to bring to that leadership table. Okay. Okay. And I think that especially as women in the workplace, this is a really strong trait one of my favorite books is The Element by Ken Robinson. He's also one of my favorite TED Talk reads, the woman's story of deciding at an early age that she wanted to attend Cambridge and just like seeing all those barriers and thinking there was no way that that was going to happen. But her mother started researching with her and visiting the campus and she ended up getting a scholarship and, um, and later this person became Mrs. Huffington, who started Huffington Post and other things. And so to me, like that fear was something that she did not have. So to me, she's an exemplar of a woman who says, this is my, this is my path. Okay. I want to do X, Y, Z, and this is what I want to do to get there. So I think just for a lot of us, fear is that first factor that we are afraid that we are not going to be able to succeed. Okay. Okay. Lack of confidence kind of goes along with that. That was my second one. But the one that I landed on the most, two things, was that they had not had a mentor who was influential in building their capacity and believing in them. And the other was that they can't identify what talents they inherently have. Like sometimes in our society, we feel like we want to be humble. Um, does that go against if I, if I'm noticing or recognizing what my talents are, am I, am I a braggart? Am I? Oh, yes. Yeah, yes. Yes. And so I think oftentimes those are things that keep people out of leadership who would be wonderful leaders. Wow. We need leaders who are having those questions about themselves. Wow. But who work through, who push past. Those questions. Okay. Okay, Stephanie, you are dropping so much knowledge. Oh my gosh. I can already see how I fit in each one of the categories you named for me is situational. So it's not a personality type. Where I fit in these categories, but certain situations I fall right in, like certain situations I've pulled back because they're going to think you just think you're all of that. You just think you're so much so. And I can read the room. And I can tell if that's the energy. So when I see that, I feel that I automatically withdraw and, and every category you named, I can. Literally visualize a time in my life. Well, I was that girl in that moment, but now I'm learning because of the amazing Stephanie is that that is not the time to dial back. Yes. I really thought about that. That lead in that you gave me as well with temperance and what we associate with temperance and I really partnered it in my mind with those challenging situations that I have faced that we have all faced. That's just the human condition. it had me thinking about like from scripture, the refiner's fire, and that it is after we pass through, you know, the scorching heat. That might be in your life. I think that it's different for all of us, but certainly most of us can look back on our life and identify certain points where things were very difficult and, We were tempered through that situation and there's a purity that comes through that process when you just like, give yourself over to it, come on, believe that, you know, there is joy on the other side of that. Yeah. with the mindset of what am I to learn in this situation right now? Yes. Am I learning it? Are there others who are going through something similar that I can can partner with them? And when we temper, it seems like it exists on a On a scale, like sometimes we say, you know, oh, they have a bad temper and there's kind of an association with maybe anger on one end of the spectrum, and maybe something that's closer to meekness or humility. Okay. End of the spectrum, and that maybe there's a place, more a medial place, kind of in the middle, where like, maybe we've been mad, you know? Yeah, yeah. Has tried us to our maximum limit. Sure. But then we have also had the relief from that, and we have all, now we have had the balm of, um, a good friend, a parent, a story, a song, a scripture, whatever it might be, that, that soothed that, that calmed it down, that helped it make sense for us. I love it. Oh my gosh. So in your temper scale, you're saying, are you saying find the middle? I'm saying try to find the middle. I think that we will always still kind of lean one way or another and maybe anger is too strong of a word to have at one end of the spectrum. Um, but I think most of us can identify. Oh, in this situation, I was over here and I needed to come back or I was here, but I really had an opinion or something to say. I did. I needed to push myself in that case to, to come more towards the middle. I think maybe, you know, we say in our common society, it's. The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. Yes. And I think for me, like finding that middle, that middle ground, that Common ground. That is where joy, growth, all the things that I'm seeking at this point in my life. That is where I find them. Oh my gosh. This, this is so totally amazing. I, I am learning so much. Stephanie, just. Like I already know how I'm going to be a better business owner, how I'm going to be a better mom, how I'm going to be a better wife, how I'm going to be a better sister, friend, because the truth of the matter is, is that who we are is who we bring to all the capacities that are in our lives and whatever that role is, that's what we bring. So if, when I was in the classroom, I brought Angela to the classroom, so I didn't just teach multiplication facts. I taught multiplication facts, jumping rope, because that's kind of. So I'm going to bring all of these just jewels that you are dropping on us today to my own life. And I know our listening audience will as well. And you talked about what shies people away from embracing their power. Can you talk just for a few minutes about what causes them to abuse it? Yes, I did take some notes on this too. So, excuse me for looking. Please, please use your notes. Use your notes because I know what's on that paper. I know what's on that paper is what we need, friend. So, notes. We need the notes. We need the notes. I, I know. I just, you know, it's how I. I think internalize the world is by capturing it on a piece of paper, because then I can look back on that later. And I can check my current perception against it and see, was that true? Um, did that. work out what might I do differently now because I'm a different person today than I was weeks ago when I made that decision. But anyway, did you just say check my Perception, we can do a whole podcast. I'm going to have to have you back. Okay. Cause I want to do, I want to, I want to do a whole podcast and I want to title it. Check your current. Okay. Okay. I'm, I'm in the way I'm in the way. So talk to us about abusing the power. On this one. I felt a little bit conflicted because I almost felt like this can be a psychological. situation. Okay. And I'm not a psychologist, um, but my undergrad is in sociology. I spent a lot of time, studying and I studied under a really interesting woman, worked with her on some longitudinal studies about perceptions and attitudes. And that really colored my whole rest of my adult life. Um, but to me, one that I wrote down is following the perception of other behaviors. So in other words, if the person who was in the role before them had that leadership style. Okay. And they, whatever powers of ascension take on that leadership role that they just continue in the way that it was done previously, because it's just, it must be acceptable because it was done and, and so I'm going to continue doing something that I know worked in this organization. Got it, got it. Organizations that I have worked for, this was a, a similarity to the other one, lacking confidence so that I can kind of be on both sides of this coin. You know, that either that talk to me about that. How does confidence lead you to. Abuse in power. I think sometimes and we can probably all picture that person we've encountered where it feels like they're compensating. So they are truly in their heart. They are not confident, but they appear as very, very overly confident. And sometimes that can translate as Mean, degrading. Wow. Critical. Where very often once you get to know those people, you find, um, that's not who they're at all. It's not who they are, and, and they really don't have that confidence, but it's a persona. that they have developed to kind of protect themselves. This is where I say there's some psychological stuff here that I'm not a hundred percent, you know, comfortable in because I'm not a diagnostician. It's just my observations. a person who's worked in education. I've worked in private industry. I've worked in a college setting. There have been a lot of different arenas in which I have worked over the course of many years and I see these similar characteristics time and time again. Another one I felt like this is the opposite of temperance, which is temptation. In other words, once the power is earned, given, received, whatever, that, um, that then it's a temptation to that person to be the person on the stage, to be the person earning a lot of money, to be the person making the rules. And so again, when considering that scale, you know, they get too far over here, whatever you define this edge. As being. Yeah. They're, they've gone too far to that, to that realm. The first analogy you gave about the person who is just leaning towards something that they're not. Because they do lack confidence and then there's this other person who gets a glimpse of that power and they love it and they don't want to let it go. And so they just want more and more and more and that leads to the overpowering. There's no temperance there because the only thing they have in their mind. I just want more of what I felt because isn't it true when you are in a position of power? And you do have authority over. Something, someone, some space, it is self gratifying to certain, to a certain extent, right? Validate you. It makes you feel seen. It makes you feel heard. But we, as especially as women, because we have. Such a capacity to connect. We have to keep that in check, right? We have to keep that under subjection. So it doesn't turn into something that people reject. Can you, can you talk to us about how to make sure, what are the indicators or the red flags? That I need to focus on or actually at least see so that I don't be the person who I'm just, you know, walking into a fake part of me because I do lack confidence, right? Or I'm loving this, this attention. I'm loving this, right? Power, I just want, I want a little bit more of it. How do I check myself? And I know that wasn't on your list. I think, um uh, an important question to ask yourself always is how connected do I feel? To the people that I'm meant to be serving right now. Because I think in whatever role, like we kind of a associate the word serve with like volunteer work or church work. Mm-Hmm. But I really see it as a universal term. Yes. Yes. For all of the work that we do in our families, in our workplace, in our neighborhoods. What are we here for? If not. To serve one another. Yes. Yes. Serve one another towards that common purpose, that common goal. And so I think what happens a lot of times with organizations and top leadership in organizations is that the very thing that got them to the top. They forget once they're there. And so, for example, in the educational setting, I recently recommended to our leadership team that instead of going and doing walkthroughs, which for those of you who are not educators, this is very different from the corporate world. Oh, yes. It's where, you know, leaders in the building come through your classroom unannounced and evaluate you and give you feedback about what you're doing on... all kinds of levels from curriculum and delivery to, to classroom management. It's very challenging aspect of education. maybe that instead of doing that, we should go teach their classes while they get to go observe someone else. Oh my gosh. And to me, this is like, this is, these are some of the changes that, um, people who want to serve. Might want to make, because how can we truly have empathy for what a teacher, a coworker is going through in their day, if we don't experience it for ourselves, and that's not always possible, but certainly in the realm of education, it is possible. Yes, yes, just in paradigm of moving away, maybe from. So much top down to our partner. What we're wanting here is to notice awesome things that are going on in classrooms and to replicate them as often and as beautifully as possible. And how can we do this? I don't know how you came up with it. And I know we don't have time to go into it, but that is genius. Because it creates, I can't take credit for it. I can't take credit for it. Um, my previous school district in Colorado was very, progressive and, and did a lot of this. We called it collegial visit. It was something that teachers really looked forward to. I know you can't take credit for the idea, but what you can take credit for is sharing the possibility. With your team as a leader, you can take credit for that for inciting positive change and being brave enough to even open up the idea to something that is not even heard of. I've never heard of anything like that in my life. So kudos to you for even walking in your power. To even presenting that as an option for the school. So thank you for that. See, it's just another reason why you're so amazing. Just another extra reason why. Okay. So, okay. Did you, did you list them off? So we talked about. You abuse power because of your lack of confidence, you abuse power because you love it too much. Was there any more before we move on? Just a lack of empathy was one. That's right. That's right. Because you talked about You talked about how that if you don't connect to your audience at a level where you can empathize with them, then you won't automatically see, or you won't automatically have those indicators that you're not in the right space. So I love that. Oh my gosh, I love that a lot. And then the last one I wrote down is kind of similar to some of the others, which is just control. Some people just really, they love being in control and some people don't, some people I wish would step up into more of a, you know, take control of a situation and make it better because I believe their background is such that they could, you know, knock my socks off, they could, They got really change something. Yes. Yes. I'm trying to think I should have written it down. Um, there's a new song by the Brothers Osborne that came out last week or two. Okay. It talks about, um, Nobody's nobody. Okay. And it talks about this idea of, um, to like today, kind of, did you change the story for someone? And I, like, I really live with that. And I have from a very early age. That was just something that my parents, grandparents, really do. You really do just And I know that it's true because you cannot see something that is going your way or, or you can see something, let me rephrase it. You can see something that is not going your way. You can see something that is not right. You can see something that needs to be improved. And the way that you approached your leadership in the school where, where I taught is that you never. You never created a space for anybody to be able to feel bad about what they were not doing. Instead, you created a space for them to want to do better, right? So, when I And I would help them, hopefully. Yes! Yes, because there were many things I didn't do right! Like I did not do right, but the space you created for me was, and you would always say, um, well, maybe we can look at it from a different perspective. Well, we can all use a shift in perspective from time to time, right? Yes, yes. You always approached it from a perspective of this is what we can do better together. It was always us. It was here is where we are and here is how we can get from where we are to where we want to be together. And so you just said about, you know, that is just your way. That is true friends. That is facts because I have the proof for it and it made me a better teacher because of it. So thank you. I think that that just goes in part to like what's in this book. Yeah. The element, like being able to know what your innate gifts are and not being shy. Yes, be humble, but don't be shy about recognizing those because we have those for a purpose. I tried to have a purposeful life and To me that includes what gifts do I have? Yeah You know, I might have five and someone else has 50 whatever. Yeah, I these gifts What am I doing with them? What do I want to do with them? How can I grow them? Why was I given these gifts? And so for me, like that gift of, just being able to, to make people feel calm and to feel like, okay, She's on my side. It's going to be okay. I had a really great leader of several years ago who, who told me to never go into a meeting without thinking through solutions to never ask a teacher or someone else a question that I didn't already have some possible solutions for in my mind. That has really changed, who I am as a person because I think it's so easy to, to just complain, to say, well, this wasn't good. That wasn't good. This didn't work out even simple interactions. Like, you know, when I got a new air conditioner installed and there were some things that didn't go right. Just like. Going back to my core, we talk about core memories these days, but I go back to my core personality. What I came into this world with. Wow. I have four siblings. My parents are 91 years of age. Um, I'm the fourth of five. We are all very different, but three of us are educators. Okay. Um, And so we, we do have some commonalities too, but just the reality of, I can look at my siblings and tell you exactly what I think their gifts are, but it's a lot harder to do for myself. Sure, I get that. And I have to say that I'm good at something and I'm reluctant to say I'm good at something because, you know, I don't want for that to be perceived as, Some kind of I know I get that I get that because humility is something that I value But I've really in the last 10 years or so learned that it's critical like that contributes to our purpose here Yeah I believe in my soul that we were given certain gifts because we have a purpose Yeah, we need those gifts We're going to accumulate some others along the way, but those core gifts, um, we're responsible for. We are stewards of those gifts and the way that we carry them out in our everyday life from the smallest thing to the biggest thing. Yes. Yes. That's what defines us in my view. Wow. Stephanie, you are like. In the slang world, you are dropping gems, my friend, you are dropping gems. Oh my gosh. That is what defines it. Okay. I mean, I already have like five more podcast ideas just from your conversation. All right. So we're going to move into. The personal development part. So our listeners love personal development. You've already shared one with us. I love that one. How did you stumble upon the first one. I was looking at creative classrooms. I wanted to learn more about creative classrooms and how to podcast on that topic. Okay. A TED talk actually. And so that was how I became introduced. Used to him as an author. And so since then I've just accumulated all of his work. So that is Ken Robinson, the element. These are a few of my old favorites, these first three. And then I have three that are newer, current favorites. Okay. This one is just a great old standby daring greatly by Brené Brown. Um, you know, it's. It's so impactful, even just the cover, how the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead. I mean, what could be more concise than that? Yeah, who doesn't want to transform their lives in all of those areas. So I have used that one in the past many times for professional development opportunities and it has always been really well received. Okay. My third one from my old, you know, good Three list is called, big magic, creative living beyond fear by Elizabeth Gilbert these are some of my new favorites. The Doodle Revolution by Sue Brown. Is one of my current ones and I was really lucky a few years ago, the charter school where I worked in Colorado was extremely progressive, like on zero to 10, they're at 9. 5. Okay., one year, they gave us the opportunity to go to the design thinking Institute. Okay. Which is. School in the San Francisco Bay Area that is carrying forward the design thinking methodology at their school grades K through 12. And it is a wonder to behold. You just cannot believe what. Students are able to generate on their own, but 1 of the premises of that is the doodling freeze our minds to get out of our typical headspace and to gain access to, um. To a part of our brain that we need to activate in order to be more innovative. That's a really interesting and I love to doodle. And so that was kind of like a ratification too of like, okay, now there's some, there's some backbone. Yes. Another current read that I have is The Art of Choosing by Sheena Iyengar. Not sure if I'm pronouncing that correctly. Um, but this one also is really interesting because it just posits those questions in every chapter of how are the choices that you're, what are the choices that you're making today and how are you influencing those choices? How are you making your decisions? Wow. What, what kinds of decisions? Are really like lifelong decisions, like have a huge impact over the course of many years versus, you know, what kind of apple am I going to eat today? So, this has just really raised my awareness about, oh, wait, I do have a choice right here right now, and that choice could have a domino effect. So, I'm going to... Think on this for a second. it also gave me that, that mindset of, I don't have to decide everything today. Wow. We're pressured for decisions. Sometimes the decision is to say, you know what, I'm going to think on that. I'll get back to you tomorrow. And that's okay, right? That's okay, totally. And we probably need to do that more often in our lives. And to give decisions, various weights. Like, this decision is heavier. It might have a lifelong impact. This decision is very light. I can make it quickly and let it go. Because all that it might do is, you know, get me through dinner at 5pm. Sure! But I think sometimes in modern society, we were faced with so many decisions in a day that they all become like of an equal weight, and they're not. Sure. We need to give weight. And time to the decisions that really impact our future and we're living in a fast food society, right? Yes. Fast food. You're not right. You're not, I mean, with, with life, what I mean by fast food society is to use a restaurant analogy. You're not making reservations at a nice restaurant. First, making sure you wear something nice, get their own time, have your car, right? Parked for you and then you go in and they see you and then they give you the menu and an appetizer Then you had to go through all seven of these courses and then like that process is it takes time. Yes But the, but the takeaway from an experience like that is life changing, right? As opposed to you order and then somebody's blowing at you because you forgot to move up and then you grab your food through a window and then you're wolfing it down on the way to the next meeting. Yes. I mean, thank you for that segue, because that leads us right into my book number six. Okay. This one is called Pieces of Light. I'm not familiar with this author, Charles Fernie Hough, maybe? But I chose to read this one because I'm writing a memoir. And the subtext of this is, the subtitle, How the New Science of Memory Illuminates the Stories We Tell About Our Past. I was really interested, um, to read about this, and I'm only about halfway through, but what you just said is such a beautiful illustration of it, like, your memory of getting prepared for a beautiful evening out is very sensory, right? The clothing that you choose to put on your body, the, you know, maybe you wear some special perfume or cologne. The feeling of being in the car for a purpose of pleasure, rather than just, you know, because you've got a shuttle from one place to, to the next and then my, my husband opening the door for me and he all the, all the, all that, yes. Yes, all of those things that are going on that, you know, again, back to the core memory that you're hearing about a lot, which he talks about a little bit too, that we don't choose our core memories. Our core memories are created when it's a synchronicity of. All these different kinds of things that you're kind of referencing a special event. Maybe there's a sense that goes with it because a lot of the science suggests that that enhances a memory that I could definitely give some examples from my life where I feel like that is the truth and why a memory. stays and becomes permanent. And others, you know, fleed away, even though you want to remember them and you think you'll remember them forever. But a couple years later, it's very big in your mind. Right. But all those details of the interactions in your scenario with, you know, maybe the maitre d, if you're going to a very nice restaurant, was there music playing? What was the lighting like? What were the other guests looking like, um, as an empathetic person? I, like, I feel people. I, I feel their emotions. I can't, like, walk past a table without getting a vibe. Okay. And so, like, all of those kinds of noticings contribute to that experience. In the same way that, you know, the drive through analogy, that's an experience as well. Um, but it's a different kind of experience. And you. No, when you're in that special one that this is a moment I want to commit to my memory way that it makes me feel is special. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh my gosh. all of these are great reads and I know that our audience is going to take your advice on them. I think in terms of personal development, every last one of them can find a special place in our journey as women in leadership. So I love them we're almost running down to the end. Okay. So the next question, we have two more questions left and the second to the last one is, is there a teacher, coach, or mentor from your childhood that you want to tell our audience about that influenced you? What was it about them that lifted you up or inspired you to become the Stephanie that I know and love? Gosh, this is another, you know, I made some notes. Go ahead. I wrote down a few names. First was, Jim Moyer, my P. E. teacher in elementary school. And then Ms. Franklin, my fourth grade teacher. And then Ms. Parker, my ninth grade English teacher. But at the end of the day, the one that I came back to, because it said childhood. Yes. dad. Okay. And I'd like to share a little bit about my dad. My mom is such an incredible woman. She's just unbelievably beautiful. She's brilliant. And so my mom is like more in the spotlight. You know, that's just kind of Yeah, that's the dynamic. I get that. Yes. And she is lovely. And as I talk about her in lots of my blogs and other places, but for this particular question, um, my dad is a retired air force colonel. Wow. And so he, you know, that's a particular demeanor. Um, his workplace. Now that I'm an adult, I can see what, you know, a lot of the constraints and challenges were for him. Um, working in some very difficult positions at times, but my dad was my champion. My dad still is my champion. Um, my parents are 91 years old, still living on their own. Well, I'm So blessed, but I wanted to share just a couple of experiences like forks in the road where I couldn't answer this question without bringing up my dad. Oh, we are so here. We are here for it. And so I can think of lots of them over time, but one that really stands out in my mind, um, it was the mid seventies at the time we were living in Fairfax, Virginia, and he was working at the Pentagon. And, you know, fortunately for our young ladies these days, title nine is for real now. But at that point, there was not a lot of sport for girls. And, um, There was a local group, the Fairfax Police Youth Club, it was called, It was like their first or second year that they were open for girls to participate in the sports and someone at church, you know, had mentioned that his daughter was doing soccer and like, I mean, I just, I always loved playing with the boys and, you know, in the neighborhood, you know, I could out kick. I could outrun. I loved that. And so, you know my dad took me and got me signed up for, for soccer and it was kind of like, Oh my gosh, does this mean we're going to have a tomboy? And you know, it was a different generation, progressive and it was very progressive for a dad to be involved like that. Like this was typically more of like what the moms would do. Do you know what I mean? Yes, I do. So, um, I just, I. I ended up loving soccer and played for a lot of years. And even a few years after that, my PE teacher, who I mentioned earlier, call my parents and said, you know, why isn't your kid in gymnastics? And so they took that right away, you know, and got me on a private team. And like, to me, just. Again, it was the seventies. They had five kids that they were trying to provide for both my mom and dad worked at the Pentagon and we're gone for a lot of hours every day with a tough commute and just again, that word champion like he was. Like he was going to make sure that I got to do those things that I wanted to do. He was the one thing that came to school those, you know, a couple times that I was called to the principal's office. Um, it would be my dad who would come and, you know, try to reason with me and help me. Make sense of my poor decision and later when I was going through my divorce, he was like, I didn't know how they were going to receive my divorce because. You know, it's probably part of why I stayed married for a long time because it was just very, it was, I believe in marriage. I guess so. I get it. Antithesis was very, very challenging for me to even get my head there. I get that. Yes, I mean, when I called, you know, and he answered the phone and, um, his response was just, we will be there immediately. We're putting your brother on a plane tonight. Your mom and I will be there tomorrow. What? Oh, my gosh. Have a home with us whenever you want it, need it. What? What is your next step? Like, there was just never any hesitation. Love it. I love it. Oh my gosh. Oh, I get it Steph. I do. And to me, like, just everybody needs a champion. Everybody needs a champion. And it might not be your parent. It might not be your sibling. Um, but also, rather than, like, looking for your champion, I was lucky enough to have one, but it has really impacted My thinking in terms of who can I champion today, who is in my pathway today that is in need of something that I can give them. Why would I not do that? But if I'm not looking for it, if I'm not actively like seeking that out and noticing what's happening around me. Yeah. I, I probably have missed a lot of opportunities in the past. I try to not miss quite so many now because I Yes, ma'am. Yes ma'am. I really try to live by that. You know, who needs a champion today? And if it's me, I want be darn sure that I did it. Yeah, I, that opportunity, um, passed me by. But then I took action and was there for the person. You know what I love about the description of your dad? You didn't describe him as a champion, as the biggest. You didn't describe him as the tallest. You didn't describe him as the strongest. You didn't describe him as the richest, which are all things that on the surface you would think a girl was. You described him as a person who always showed up. That is the recurring theme in every story you, you told about your journey with him. When you were at the school and you didn't make the right choices, he showed up. When you wanted to be involved. He showed up when you were one, when you were at one of the most difficult times of your life, he showed up. So your champion is what I think everybody needs. And what you are describing as who you are right now is a person that shows up to show up. Oh my gosh. I hope so. I think that like, if there's nothing else that people have to say about me, when my time here is over. I hope that that, that is how people feel about me. He showed up. So you're, you're, you're carrying on the legacy of your dad. Oh my God. He's still doing it. I mean, I still talk to him like regularly and he's like. You know, when I try to get my blog started or do other things, he's like, well, you're writing is better than anybody I read. Like he just, it's not true necessarily, you know, but just the fact that he believes that he's showing up again, he's showing up for you, his baby girl, he's showing up every time over and over again. I love. Oh, my gosh. Okay. So that is a great segue I make a space, a segment I call grateful heart and I share a positive experience that made me smile, laugh or promotes gratitude in my life. Something that happened today, or at least within the week. And so I'll share and then we will end our show with you sharing, um, your Grateful Heart space. So it's only Monday, so I gotta go off of yesterday and today, Um, I'm gonna choose. There's always so much to be grateful for. Stephanie. Oh my gosh. Yesterday I wasn't feeling great at all. I went to visit someone who was sick and somehow attracted their bug. And I was not feeling great at all. And so I was thinking about all what I had to do that. I just didn't have time to be sick. I just didn't have time for it. And so, uh, my husband is just so attentive and so caring. And I told him specifically, I said, stay away from me. Cause I don't want you to get this bug that I attracted. I don't want you to get sick, stay away from me. And he just didn't listen. And, uh, Running the risk of getting sick, running the risk of catching my bug. He attended to me every step of the way. He covered me when I was cold. He made me dinner. He checked on me every five minutes. I'm grateful for that because any excuse. I guess is a good enough excuse. I don't want to be bothered with somebody, he didn't use as an, that as an excuse he took care of me, even though it could get him sick. And I want to add, he did. He care of him today, but that is my grateful segment for the day. We will end with yours. I know it's going to be great because you always share from the heart, what, what is your grateful heart moment? Oh my gosh. I'm going to break your rule just a little bit. Okay. Okay. This is what used to get me into trouble in elementary school. Breaking the rule just a little bit. Don't worry. You're allowed. You're allowed. But I just feel like something happened to me recently that I just feel compelled to share. Okay. I became really ill like in the middle of the night and I live by myself and so I was super scared and, you know, my sister lives nearby, but I didn't want to call her in the middle of the night and she chastised me for that later, but I drove myself to the ER and by the time that I got there, I was feeling, you know, pretty rocky and Actually, what I thought I was having a heart attack. Okay. I, the pain that I was having in my chest was just so severe. Oh my goodness. And I was just like, you know, it was a very scary space to be in and something that I had not experienced before. And, um, my doctor walks into the room and we look at each other and she's a parent at the school where I work. And in that moment, I just, a calm came over me. The word! I had that impression of like, God is in the details of our lives. And this is such an example of that because here I am, alone in an ER room, but guess what? I'm not alone. And she really liked, I think because she knew me a little bit, she really fought for me and, you know, fought to get a surgeon involved in my case when she could have gone off duty and just left it at that and let it be gone. Sure. She didn't she continued to hold on to that and to follow up and I just like I'm still grateful for that because I'm still in the recovery process and so it's, it's still something I didn't have a heart attack at something else. It's still something that's really on my mind, just that lesson that like, even when we think we're alone. Somehow, we're not. And I've been really, really grateful for that. I'll, I'll give you a more recent one too, if you want. Please do. Oh my gosh. Wow. Well, it's, it's kind of related. So, you know, people. show up for you. And so as a result, I did end up having to have some surgery and all kinds of people showed up for me. And you know, my sister and her husband and my niece from a different sister spent hours sitting with me at the hospital. And, you know, my principals were constantly checking on me and some people from church like came and mowed my yard. And raped leaves and cleaned up, you know, things that I, I would have had a very hard time asking for that kind of help. I really, um. You know, independence is really, really important to me. And I do not like to rely on other people, but it was very humbling just to know that there are people who are, who are right there and that has really increased my gratitude, my grateful heart to know that, um, there are people in my life who they will drop everything in a moment's notice. I love to be there for me in whatever capacity I might need, including a very, very unexpected one. So I feel like my heart has just like grown out of my chest in the ways that I have been served and that I'm still. So grateful for grateful. Oh my gosh. Well, you said it publicly and somehow they will see it and feel it and know that your thank you is not just in your heart, but you've shared with the world how grateful you are. And I think that means everything. Oh my gosh. Two great stories. I cannot believe your surgeon. You're the ER doctor with someone that you actually knew like that is awesome. Oh, she was a daughter that could be literally made into a movie. Oh my gosh. I love that. And I mean, if that's not an indication that the Lord is with you, there is, I don't know of many that, that can, what are the odds, you know, at four 30 in the morning on that night, I just. At a hospital that's not even the closest one to my house. Oh my gosh. Like so many factors. Yeah, yeah. But I think when we look back on our lives, when we're in that storytelling mode. Yeah, yeah. When we can see that like everything was connected. It was not just about me. It was, What brings life that sweetness that you kind of started with is our connection, how our story gets connected to other people. Yes. Oh my God. It doesn't mean that much on its own. What, what an amazing way to end the show. I mean, Someone you knew ends up caring for you in the hospital, and then your tribe picks up right where she left off and just takes care of you like, oh my gosh. And so there you have it, friends. I want to say thank you so much, Stephanie, for sharing your wisdom and your knowledge, your experiences with us. And so thank you for tuning into the PB& J podcast. Now you can say, you know, the secret to the sauce, how to embrace our, and not overpower Stephanie. You have been an amazing addition to the PB and J family. And I just want to say, I know there's so much more for you to accomplish and we are here for it. Friends. I will put all the ways that you can connect with Stephanie in the show notes of this episode, where you can reach her on social, how you can connect with her blog. Just stay connected to her friends because she certainly does have the secret to the sauce. Thank you so much, Stephanie. I appreciate you. And the last thing I'll say is it always helps to have a little PB and J in your life. Bye, my friend.