PSA stands for public service announcement. And that was also a PSA.
Usually, you should listen to these things. They're not all that frequent, and usually they're about something you need to be proactive about like boiling water.
Of course, this PSA is not about boiling water.
Attention. Attention. This is a public service announcement. All citizens of colony jurisdiction 74241 are hereby required to ignore any and all physical mail they may receive in the coming period. No mailboxes are to be opened, no envelopes are to be ripped, and no mail is to be sent out or brought to any post office. It is absolutely crucial that these recommendations are followed for the safety of yourself and your neighbors. It is unknown at the moment whether digital mail is affected by the current phenomena, but we suggest you exercise caution in all ways and all times. If at any point the word ‘rhombus,’ or a four sided shape appear in any digital message you receive in a way that you wouldn’t have otherwise expected, you must inform local officials so that they may dispatch a quarantined team to your location.
Attention. Attention. Do not open any mail. We repeat, do not open any mail. It does not matter whether everything seems perfectly normal about the envelope, the address, the sender, etc. You are hereby commanded to not open the mail. Even if this mail arrived to you previously, long before this very announcement, you are not to open it. It does not matter if it’s a gift card from your grandmother, and you know that’s what it is, she gives it you every year, and you really should open that card, read what she said, and spend that money… even in a scenario as obvious and clear cut as that, YOU ARE NOT TO OPEN ANY MAIL. NONE. Is that clear?
Attention. Attention. To anyone who has opened any parcels of mail in the last five hours, it is recommended that you lock all of your doors, all of your windows, and turn out any lights inside your abode. Failure to follow these protocols will result in further harm to your neighbors. Once you have done so and said your prayers to whatever gods you choose to worship, you must seek out and destroy any and all four sided shapes in your house. Yes, any and all. The rhombus that arrived in the mail could be masquerading as anything that, viewed at its front, widest face, is a quadrilateral. Yes. Any four sided object will include such things as your thermostat, your tablet, and your silverware. It could be any of them. You must not let it survive.
Attention. Attention. This is a public service announcement. Anyone who lacks a security clearance lower than orange is banned from investigating any and all screaming until the emergency is lifted. Reports of screaming, choking, and all other signs of major distress may be made at the local law enforcement portal. Emergency services will not be able to respond for the duration of the incident. All other crimes remain illegal. The situation is dire. Listen. Remember. Stay safe.
Attention. Attention. Do not open any mail. Make absolute certain that no member of your household has done so in the past five hours. If you or any other person in your immediate vicinity has committed such folly, you must destroy all four sided shapes. Repeat, all. Stay safe. Stay safe. Stay safe.
