235 - Heather Lahtinen has been a regular guest on the Freedom Focus Photography podcast, bringing her insights and experiences to our vibrant community of photographers.
But today's episode unveils a side of Heather we've never seen before - a side that she used to keep hidden.
In a candid and transformative conversation, Heather steps into the hot seat not just to share her expertise, but to explore her inner world with the guidance of Michelle Crandall, affectionately known as "The People's Coach” in Elevate.
Brace yourself for a deep dive into 'Dark Heather' and the enlightening journey towards embracing all facets of one's self.
What To Listen For:
1. The Unveiling of 'Dark Heather': Discover the transformative power of acknowledging and embracing the less polished sides of our personalities.
2. Michelle Crandall's Insightful Coaching: How "The People's Coach" approaches common struggles with self-doubt and negative self-talk, offering a new perspective.
3. A Compliment That Sparks a Journey: A simple interaction at the chiropractor's office leads Heather down a path of self-discovery and reflection on her public versus private self.
4. The Thanksgiving Table of Self: A visualization technique that helps integrate all aspects of one's personality, even those we're tempted to hide.
5. Confronting the Fear of Misjudgment: Tackling the anxiety around how others perceive us and the desire to control those perceptions.
Join us on this enlightening journey as Heather and Michelle delve into the intricacies of personal development and self-acceptance, offering valuable insights not just for photographers, but for anyone that happens to be human.
Connect with Heather
Connect with Michelle
JOIN THE PARTY:
235 - Heather Lahtinen has been a regular guest on the Freedom Focus Photography podcast, bringing her insights and experiences to our vibrant community of photographers.
But today's episode unveils a side of Heather we've never seen before - a side that she used to keep hidden.
In a candid and transformative conversation, Heather steps into the hot seat not just to share her expertise, but to explore her inner world with the guidance of Michelle Crandall, affectionately known as "The People's Coach” in Elevate.
Brace yourself for a deep dive into 'Dark Heather' and the enlightening journey towards embracing all facets of one's self.
What To Listen For:
1. The Unveiling of 'Dark Heather': Discover the transformative power of acknowledging and embracing the less polished sides of our personalities.
2. Michelle Crandall's Insightful Coaching: How "The People's Coach" approaches common struggles with self-doubt and negative self-talk, offering a new perspective.
3. A Compliment That Sparks a Journey: A simple interaction at the chiropractor's office leads Heather down a path of self-discovery and reflection on her public versus private self.
4. The Thanksgiving Table of Self: A visualization technique that helps integrate all aspects of one's personality, even those we're tempted to hide.
5. Confronting the Fear of Misjudgment: Tackling the anxiety around how others perceive us and the desire to control those perceptions.
Join us on this enlightening journey as Heather and Michelle delve into the intricacies of personal development and self-acceptance, offering valuable insights not just for photographers, but for anyone that happens to be human.
Connect with Heather
Connect with Michelle
JOIN THE PARTY:
Welcome to the Freedom Focus Photography podcast. I'm your host, Nicole Begley. Well, today the Hunter has become the Hunted. We have a special conversation today where Heather Lahtinen is actually getting coached by Michelle Crandall. Michelle is a pet photographer from Pets and Focus. She's been on this podcast a few times. She is one of our coaches inside of Elevate.
She is very lovingly called the People's Coach, and Heather was having some trouble with her thoughts. So Michelle jumped on a call and coached Heather. And we are going to get to meet an alter ego of Heather. On this episode. We like to call her Dark Heather. So stay tuned. You're not gonna wanna miss this one. I'm Nicole Begley,
a zoological animal trainer, turned pet and family photographer back in 2010. I embarked on my own adventure and photography, transforming a bootstrapping startup into a thriving six figure business by 2012. Since then, my mission has been to empower photographers like you, sharing the knowledge and strategies that have helped me help thousands of photographers build their own profitable businesses. I believe that achieving two to $3,000 sales is your fastest route to six figure businesses that any technically proficient photographer can consistently hit four figure sales.
And no matter if you want photography to be your full-time passion, or a part-time pursuit, profitability is possible. If you're a portrait photographer, aspiring to craft a business that aligns perfectly with the life you envision, then you're in exactly the right place with over 350,000 downloads. Welcome to the Freedom Focus Photography podcast. Michelle Crandall was a recent guest on the podcast,
and I asked her back because, well, I actually needed her help. This is what happened. I had a call with my life coach that was really transformational, and I wanted to share it with someone, and I also needed help processing some of the concepts. Michelle was the first person I thought of because she is so good with stuff like this.
So I reached out to her to see if she would be willing to not only talk with me, but to record the conversation. And luckily for us, for you, for me, she did not hesitate. This conversation was incredibly impactful for me, and I'm so grateful for her wisdom and guidance. I actually stopped several times to take notes. I hope you enjoy our conversation,
Michelle, I've gotta say, you must really trust me because I asked you to come on the podcast today and gave you absolutely zero information That is accurate. I'm a little, I'm having some anxious thoughts, Like what went through your mind yesterday? I reached out to you and I said, Hey, do you have time tomorrow for a quick conversation for the podcast?
But I don't wanna tell you what it's about. Yeah, I talked to my husband, I said, either I did really good on my last podcast or really bad, and this is gonna make up for it. We'll see. We'll see how it goes. Oh my Gosh, it's so funny because what happened was, I had a conversation yesterday with my coach.
So I have a, I have a life coach and I have a business coach, and yesterday was life coaching. And when I got off the call, I immediately thought of you and it was like, I cannot wait to tell Michelle this story because I, I think you'll like it and I think you'll have an opinion and ideas and you'll just love it.
So I started to voxer you, and then I thought we should have this conversation and record it, because it might be helpful to other people. So I just wanna like, share what came up in coaching and truly get your thoughts and opinion on it. Because inside of Elevate, we call you the people's coach. Yes. Because you, you sometimes coach me and it's always the back.
My favorite is when you use my material on me. Yes. I Think it's fun when the tables are turned. Yeah. I think really, you, you say, well, what, what are you thinking that's causing you to feel that way? Heather. Oh my gosh. Student becomes the master. Oh My. It's so fun. Okay, so I had this interesting thing happen at the chiropractor a couple weeks ago,
and this is what I brought to my life coach yesterday. So I went to the chiropractor, hadn't been there in a couple of years. I love him. I love the staff. Like we have a really good relationship. They know me. They were so happy to see me. Okay. So I'm talking to him, he's asking me about business,
and I'm telling him what's going on. And you've seen me in real life. So, you know, I have a lot of passion. Yes, you have a lot of energy, A lot of energy, good energy. And he is grinning from ear to ear. And he said something like, you know, I've, I've missed seeing you or your energy.
And he said, you have the best, like most positive energy. You're just so much fun to be around. And I love hearing about your business. You know, 'cause I'm, I tell him like, it's world domination, you know, and I'm being funny or whatever. And okay, so something really strange happened. Strange happened in this moment.
Do you? Okay, okay. He said that like, you have the best energy. You're so positive. You're so amazing. He was like, really pumping me up. There's a part of me that's like, you absolutely thank you. I receive that. And then this voice in my head was like, yeah, but he doesn't know the real you.
Like Yes, he does. Yeah. Whatcha talking about Go on already. Go on. I was like, if he knew the real me, like I can be moody and stoic and, and you know, right. And I can be a jerk and all of these things. And my brain tried to tell me that he doesn't know the real me and that there's something,
there's something wrong with me, or I am a fraud. I'm fake. See, I don't, I don't accept that. I don't accept that Heather because I think the real you is the positive and outgoing and super energetic and excited person. I think the part of you that you don't necessarily like so much that can get depressed and can have anxious thoughts,
that's not the real you. Oh, interesting. Anyways, I, yeah, no, I had it opposite. You did? Yeah. Like I was thinking this like, super positive, energetic was fake. And the real Heather is the one that's like human, Right? All humans, there's, there's a spectrum of everything, right? Mm. Everybody has good days and bad days and snarky days and not snarky days.
The, the real you is when you feel the best, and from my observations, you feel the best when you're excited and positive and being around people that give you energy and you give their energy back. I'm actually writing that down. I am taking notes on your coaching that the, the real me is when I feel the best, happiest, joyful,
most excited. Like that's the real version of me. Yes. Yes. Okay. I received that. I, that's so interesting. Wow. She didn't even, we didn't get to that yesterday. I, I like in a second, I'll tell you where she went with it, but I just, I left there feeling confused, like I was Oh.
And my back felt great, but besides that, I, I was like, yeah, I, I am super positive and energetic and I'm also these other things and I have this cognitive distortion, you know, the one of all or nothing thinking either or black and white. Yeah. I have that to the extreme. Oh, we're both experts at it.
It's like, either I'm a good, happy, positive person, positive, or I'm sad and miserable and a jerk or whatever. And there's like no in between. Right. And one's real and one's not. Most of your life is spent in between, of course, I would assume. Yeah. Yeah. Use, use the word spectrum, which I thought was great.
That's so true. Like, yeah, of course some days you're gonna be happy and some days you're not. There's this theme that keeps coming up for me in coaching and in therapy around my unwillingness to be a human. Like I wanna be a robot. Oh yeah. You know, I get that for sure. I wanna be this perfect version of me all the time,
no exceptions. And if I'm not, I am a loser. I'm failing. Nobody knows the real me. Oh. You know? And then like, and then I go into catastrophizing, like I'm so good at it. Yeah, me too. That's probably why we get along, so Yeah. Right, right. We recognize it in each other.
Yeah. And then, but then I add a layer of judgment, like, well, what's wrong with me? Am I not just like, you know what, it reminds me of people on the interstate, you're driving on the interstate and they're so inconsistent in their speed, they're like, fast flow, you're trying to pass 'em, and then they're go Yeah.
Like, this is how I feel, like I'm, I'm inconsistent, and so I'm confused and I need to be just one person and it needs to be robot. But Isn't that kind of boring? Yeah. That's not living part of What, part of what makes you a good coach is all, all of you. Right? Huh? You, I have learned so much from you because you have had similar experiences to me,
and we've often talked about how you're probably a year or two ahead of me in this whole journey, and you've been there and you fixed it, and now you're moving on and you can teach me how to fix it so I can move on. Yeah. You wouldn't have had those experiences had you not been what you call inconsistent Oh. And a mess.
Right. Right. Interesting. Yeah. I have always said to you, I'm just a few steps ahead. Right. That's it. And I recognize it. Well, okay, here's the latest. I don't like this, this, I said to my coach yesterday, like, it's like, I don't wanna accept, or I don't like that version of me,
that's not the happy, fun, positive, energetic person. So I just like want her to like go away. Right. Like, that doesn't exist. There's, there's, I guess this dichotomy in my brain. Oh, it was like, it's separate. Like these are two. Oh gosh. But who is the real me? Well, okay,
I get really, I get really turned upside down in my head Yeah. With all of this. Right. And then I'm confused. But you've, you've learned stuff about yourself in your sadness and in your anxious times That Yeah, for sure. You for sure have learned stuff about yourself and that creates a path to make it better next time, Huh?
Yeah. Okay. Okay. That makes sense to me. So then I was telling her like, so there's that, like, I feel like I'm sort of this kind of fraud. And she, she was saying like, there are different versions of you because you're human. She said, how very human of you to have mood change. God, God forbid.
Yeah, exactly. And so I said, okay, okay. Well, it was like, I was, it was like trying to prove to her how terrible I am. This is so funny. Like, now that I think about it, okay. Because we get through that part, and then I'm like, okay, but, and also I can sometimes be a real jerk.
Like in my head, I can be judgmental and mean, and I just really hate that about myself. I wanna shut it down. It's not right. You know, like, I don't know, like if I have unkind thoughts about a person or I get annoyed with someone. Yeah. Your dad chewing, oh My gosh. The slurping of the salad.
Like, why I will never get over that, that, you know, the salad is not hot. There's no need to slurp. Last night it was soup and we had chili for dinner, and Evan was sitting to my left, slurping it because it was hot. And dad was sitting to my right, gulping it because, and he eats like super fast and a ton of food.
And I'm, I thought my head was gonna explode. I thought, I'm, this is where I die. This is where it ends for me. The end of Heather today. Oh my God. At dinner. But, and you know what I do in those situations, in, in every version of this, there's a thought that follows it, that says,
what is wrong with me? Something's wrong with me. I judge it. But what if there's not anything wrong with you? Yeah. Oh, okay. What if it's okay to be annoyed with people slurping their salad? For real, coach Michelle is shown up. It's, that's exactly what she said. Not about the salad, but she said, yeah.
Like, what if it's just, okay, what if you're just a human being annoyed? And then I go back to see, I don't wanna be human, right? I don't wanna be annoyed. I just wanna be this perfect, kind, nice, happy version. It's just not real. It's not real. I almost think it's like this perception that people have.
Maybe it's because of social media. That's an easy one to look to. They present themselves as these perfect people, and we all know they're not. And so are you judging yourself on what you think other people think of you? Do you think that people think that you're perfect? Yes. Well, we know you're not. Right. No. It's okay to have a misspelling in your email or something isn't centered correctly or whatever.
I mean, that's okay. 'cause we're not robots. Oh gosh. You see, as Much as we want to be, right, I wanna be, it's like not. Okay. Remember that one time I was talking in Elevate and I was like, I had this thought that I'm just gonna write down every day. I'm a genius. I'm a genius.
So that I get like really good ideas, except I couldn't spell the word genius. Yes. My word. Like what? I have this thing where I, I don't know how to spell the word entrepreneur. Me either. So And so I said, really? Do I have any Right. Being an entrepreneur, if I dunno how to spell it,
I can't spell it. I haven't earned it. I have to auto wait till auto correct kicks in. Oh my gosh. So, okay. And so I have a story that I'm gonna prove to you that I'm a jerk. Okay. And then you can, okay, I got it. So a couple of weeks ago we were in church and it was a different service.
We had this, it's called Mission Sunday, where the mission team presents what they're working on. So it's not our typical pastor. And everything that they presented that day was like good and beautiful and amazing. This work they're doing in Honduras. My dad is a part of that mission team. He has spent more than a decade going to Honduras to build churches.
It's a wonderful, beautiful thing. Okay? Okay. I sit in the front pew with my daughter and my mother, and because we love Jesus, okay. And this mission team is, is doing their thing. They're running the service, and it starts to just drag on really long, really, really long. And for the first several minutes, 30,
40, I was very patient and I'm like so into it. And then I turned into, I told my coach yesterday, I was like, dark Heather came out dark Heather. She's the one that is like kind of snarky and sarcastic and you know, and says things. And so Ella lost her patience long before me, which is understandable. So her and I start writing each other notes in church,
like, we are 10 years old. Okay. Okay. And it's like, why is this going on so long? Who put this guy in charge? Why are they okay if, if anyone from my church is listening to this, please know I love you. I love Jesus. I love the mission team, but I'm a human. Okay. I am admitting to you that I'm a human.
Yes. So then on my bulletin, I wrote a note to my mom. So she's sitting on the other side of Ella and I wrote real big, I will miss you because we are going to die here. I like dark Heather. So my coach yesterday said, I love dark Heather. She hilarious. Yes. And I said, really? You don't think she's mean?
No, I don't think she's mean, because in that situation I am 100% certain you were not the only person thinking that. Oh yeah, that's true. So This team, all of the good work, you know, they're doing amazing work not to say anything poorly about that. Correct. They Were given the liberties to present and they took the liberty too far.
They did. And in that action opens them up to dark Heather. And that's okay. Oh my gosh. I, I think, I think it's fine. Dark Heather and regular Michelle are the same. Oh, that's so funny. And did you, I mean, did you, have you recognized that about me or, because I think I try to keep her like really shut down and hidden Through the year that we did of coaching.
I can see. And it's, it's not like, oh, here comes dark Heather. It's not that. It's like, oh, here's Heather coming out and she's really worked up about something. Yeah. Yeah. This is gonna be good. Yeah, because you put on, you're very professional, you're very polite, you're very respectful. All of those things are not negated.
Oh, When some sarcasm comes out. Whoa. What? That's so good. It's the truth. And I don't think, now don't mishear me. I don't think that the real Heather in quotations is dark Heather. Huh. I think that's an aspect of your personality that I enjoy when it comes out. It doesn't come out all the time. And that's okay.
And I also don't think that in the back of your mind, you're always spinning these sarcastic thoughts and just not letting them out. I don't think that's who you are. I think it's an aspect of your personality, a smaller one than in my personality. And that's okay. Wow. There's nothing, there's nothing wrong with that. Heather. Oh my gosh,
this is so helpful. So I should try to what? Like accept her more or Stop judging her. Yeah. Yeah. Because you can have the thought about we are going to die in the front pew of our church. Which really, I mean, if that happens, like perfect, What What better place to Be. Exactly. Yeah. Roll right into our funeral.
Right. But that part of you, it doesn't mean you're not a good person. Ah, That's it. I think it means I'm not a good person. It does not mean you're not a good person. It means you are in a position where you're uncomfortable, which is okay. And this is your coping mechanism to not be un as uncomfortable. Make jokes about it.
Yes. Joke with your mom. Yes. Joke with your daughter. And that's, that's okay. It's not a harmful, you didn't stand up in the middle of church and say, guys, are we done here? Yeah. I wanted to. We get it. Yeah. And maybe you wanted to, but if you had then jerk Heather would come out,
which I Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. And You know, that's just not who you are because you're a good person. So that's how I see it. Because see, I think that if I have those thoughts, that means I am not a good person. Like I am a terrible Christian. I was sitting there thinking, these guys should not be running the show.
Where's the leadership? You know, it's time for soup. It was soup Sunday at church that day as well. Everybody knew the soup was on in fellowship hall, but nobody could get to it. And we were gonna starve and die loosely Hangry on top of everything else. Yes, yes. And I had so much to do that day. And normally our church is very orderly and we're home by a certain time,
you know? So you like have that in your mind. I was, I came home from that and we laughed and joked about it, you know, and, but there was a part of me that again said, what is wrong with you? These people work so hard. Why can you not just be nice? This is the, like, this is the voice in the back of my head.
You're familiar with this voice? Yes. Yes. I have a loud one as well That said like, you are, you are a jerk. Like these, these people, you wouldn't go to Honduras and, and stay in these conditions. Like no, you're right. I wouldn't, you know. But gosh, this was what If, what if your act of being sarcastic,
dark, Heather, joking with your family is you being nice? Because the alternative was standing up in front of church and being like, we got soup to get to guys, let's, let's wrap this up. Wow. I had never considered that, that I never thought of it that way. That this is like the best healthiest way to deal with this.
I was thinking automatically it was like, I'm the, I'm the worst person on the planet. And listen. And by the way, I found out later that several people had just like up and left the sanctuary. It's just I'm sitting in the front pew, so I couldn't see it. Right. But I guess people were like, this is great,
but we're done here. They just left. Right. So in your mind, do you think that those people are terrible people? I don't. I don't. No, I know you dont. I wouldn't have asked that question if I didn't know the answer. I know they didn't think that they were terrible people. Right. And so what is a little joking with your family to get through it over just standing up in the front pew and walking out.
Why do I have such extreme thinking, Michelle? Like it's, it's like either I'm present and I'm happy and I'm good and I'm true and I'm noble, and I'm all of these things. Or I'm like evil. Right. Right. I can't seem to like, I hear your words, but in, in practice, I seem to struggle with the spectrum that like,
you can be a good, kind, upstanding citizen person human Or, Right. How many times have you told me it's not either or? It's both. And A million at least I know I'm turning the tables on you yet Again. Both. And so my coach was saying that she view, she said what You said she loves dark Heather. She thinks she's hilarious and would like to meet her more.
Yes. I agree. I like your coach. I said, be careful. Okay. But she said, I wrote, I wrote this down, like in, she said, it's like, it's like you have this dark tether and you're like trying to bind her up, like lock her in the closet. And she was suggesting to let her in,
like, to welcome her and invite her to the, so she said, I, she said, picture a Thanksgiving table where the real Heather is sitting at the head of the table in control, but dark Heather is invited in and she can take a seat at the table. She just can't be at the head. Yes. And I, I love that imagery of like,
and so I started thinking, I hope all of, oh gosh, I hope this is not just me have all of these different versions of ourselves that like, there's multiple Heathers sitting at a table. Absolutely. But there's the one Heather, that's the, what you said was the real one. Yeah. The true Heather. The true Heather, which is the good one,
makes you feel good sitting at the head of the table, but welcoming in all of the different versions, but specifically dark Heather and giving her a seat and listening to her, but also knowing when to tell her to shut up. Yes. And I think what I've been doing is just like keeping her bound Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Instead of, But then she only gets louder. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. And she'll Just exactly what you mean. Right. And then she gets really annoying. So Yeah. I said, well, what could we, what could we do with this? Like of course I'm going straight to how do I fix it?
Right. That's all we do. Fix it. Yes. Fix it. So I can become closer to a robot. I will never get the point. It's like, I, I don't, I mean, these poor coaches must be just like, Heather for real. So she said, well, number one, you can trust that the real Heather or the real Heather and dark Heather can get along and,
and work together. And that dark Heather won't take over. Like trust yourself. Yes. And I was saying like, w should I maybe practice like letting dark Heather out more to people that are safe? Like Craig can handle dark Heather. Yeah. I think actually that's who he married was dark Heather, because I'm actually really funny, you know, when I get in that mode.
Yeah. So like, or like you, I feel safe with you that I could be like, Michelle, this, I actually, before we started recording, I told you a story. Yeah. That was like sarcastic dark Heather. We were laughing about it, you know? Yeah. I Don't, I feel safe. Don't think less of you.
I never thought less of you for telling me that story. Really. No. It makes you even more human, which I know maybe you don't wanna be, but it's, it makes you more relatable. People always talk about how relatable I am. Yes. It's because I tell it like it is. Yes. If I have a sarcastic story, it might offend somebody,
but I'm still gonna tell it because this is how I'm truly feeling. And when you open up and let that part of you out, what people relate to it so much more because they're struggling with the same stuff. Heather What is happening? There's a dark Michelle, there's a dark Donna, there's a dark Jess. Everybody has it. You know what I mean?
Like, it, it's okay. And it doesn't make us less, I'm like, my mind is blown by this conversation. I'm serious. Like, you have helped me so much. My coach helped me so much, but this is like next level thinking that, that I, I was under the mis mis direction misunderstanding that if you knew or if everybody knew,
not you specifically. 'cause I trust you. But Yeah, if, if people knew about Dark Heather, they would not respect me. They wouldn't like me. They would, you know, like whatever. See, I, I find this concept so interesting, especially after working with you, because I had this same exact issue when we started coaching. I was afraid to send out emails or I was afraid to talk to people because I was afraid of what they would think of Michelle.
And you coached me through that and you said, so what? It's like if something happens and they don't like you, then move on. And it's okay. Not everybody has to like you. It's the same concept in this situation. It's okay if somebody is offended. If someone from your church is listening to this podcast and they really enjoyed the 90 plus minute Honduras presentation,
then it's okay for them to be offended. How many times have you told me that I can't control what other people are thinking? Oh my gosh. All the time. Every day. All the time. So yeah. That's, that's my exact problem here, isn't it? Yeah. You didn't cause them to be offended. They're offended because of their own stuff.
Yeah. They're thoughts. Right. Right. So, so I should can be a little bit more vulnerable by allowing dark Heather to have a seat at the table and periodically a voice Periodically, and trust the true Heather, the Heather that's in charge of all of this other stuff going on inside that she will let it out when it's appropriate. Oh my gosh.
That's the key. That is the key. Yeah. I am currently not in full trust of true Heather, and I'm worried that if dark Heather is unleashed, she's gonna take over. And true Heather won't be okay if anybody listening this, like, I don't talk about myself in the third person ever, but there's all of these different versions. Like I,
I kind of feel a little insane right now. Like Yeah, it's crazy. I get it. It's a whole therapy system. Oh my word. And you can work through all of the different parts of you that are working against you right now, because they're all working as like an independent, say it's a, I don't know, a 15-year-old, something happened to you when you were 15,
you know, now as an adult differently, but in your body, this 15-year-old is running the show. Yes, yes. Yeah. Oh My gosh. For certain aspects. Maybe Dark Heather is a 15-year-old who knows. Oh yeah. With a very sarcastic sense of humor. Yeah. And a chip on her shoulder. Oh, for sure. For sure.
I remember starting my first internship at a chemical company when I was in college, and one of my mentors said to me, Hey, you might wanna get that chip off your shoulder. Yikes. And I, and he was right. You know, that was, I think that was dark Heather running the show before real Heather had been formed. You know,
I mean really, because my prefrontal cortex was not connected at that age. I was probably 18 or 19, so I wasn't even close to developed. But another thing she said was, and you just touched on this a little bit, was like, I have this idea of separateness instead of oneness, so that these different versions of me are somehow separate and should be managed.
And all of this, instead of embracing my humanness and oneness of like all of these aspects are a part of me. And I am willing to share those, put those on display instead of, and by the way, this came full circle when she said, it's no wonder when the chiropractor said that, that you felt like a fraud. Hmm. Because of your separateness from all of these.
Like, you feel like they're different when it's really one. Because if I had thought in that moment, yeah, I'm awesome. Oh, and I also have, you know, human characteristics and qualities and that's okay that, you know what, when you said that, like that's okay. It's just, okay, I'm thinking that you need to like coach Michelle for hire.com
or something. I don't know. I don't have any of the fancy titles, but I do have a lot of nursing experience. Yeah, you do tell, well tell everybody your background in nursing because it's niched. Well, I was a psychiatric nurse for 17 years. 17 years of psychiatric nursing. Yeah. You gotta learn something there. Oh, I learned a whole lot.
Yeah, for Sure. I worked a lot with the severely mentally disabled folks. But what they're suffering from that population is again, just the very top of the spectrum of what lots of people are suffering from. Hmm. So you see someone who's bipolar or schizophrenic and they're acting out and it's so dramatic. People don't realize that there can also be like a 10% level of that on a daily basis for lots of people,
and they're scared of it. That's a very good point. That it's just not the extreme cases. There, there is, man, I have got to learn this like gray area, the spectrum of like, everything can fall in somewhere in between. My brain I think is so simple. It just wants to try to make sense of like, oh,
okay, either you're this or you're that and you know, it's like neat and tidy and then I can move forward. I, I'm really going to start to work on this idea of oneness and spectrum, like the, the both. And it is so hilarious to me that, and, and I don't, and not not, I mean that I teach this stuff and literally struggle with it almost every day.
That's okay though. It goes back to making you relatable. Oh, you don't have to be one the 100% expert and have the answer to every single thing. You don't even as a coach, you don't have to have the answer to everything. People have asked me questions in the little coaching that I've done where I'm like, oh, I don't know the answer to that.
I have no idea how to approach that. Right. So it's okay. Heather, you're Okay. I will say thank you for giving me permission like that. It's okay because I will say that I would have never talked to you about this like two or three years ago, and I certainly wouldn't have said, let's record this conversation. Right. So I have made progress in accepting what I deem as flaws,
which they're not. It's just like being a human Right. And trying to be more open and talking about it as to normalize it for both myself and for people who might be listening. Yeah. Because once you get over that, then you can help all the rest of us get over it too. Right. Well, I figured out. Right. And it's never gonna be completely over,
right? No. Right. You're gonna go back to it and you're gonna have those days where you need an extra boost or you listen to this podcast again. Yes. Or something like that. And that's okay. I think when I started coaching with you, I was like, we, okay, here's my checklist of things I need to fix about myself.
Let's start at number one. Yeah. And then when we check it off, it'll be done forever and we can move on to two. And that's just not how it works. You actually, I remember you saying that. It's like you wanted to check these things off and I said, I hate to break it to you, but the work is never done.
Right. It just shows up differently. Like, I got on this call with my coach yesterday, and I had told you this prior to, I said, I don't, I don't really have anything to talk to her about today. I am not sure like what we're gonna talk about. And within five seconds I had something to talk about the chiropractor and then the church thing.
And it's just, I, here's what I think I'm gonna do. I think I'm gonna like maybe go on Canva or just draw a picture of a table and like put my name real Heather and like a smiley face at the head of the table. And then all these little other Heathers and some are happy and some are sad and some are, you know,
sarcastic or snarky or whatever. And, and like, put hearts, like, I like accepting all of those different versions and inviting them in instead of, you know how when we feel something we don't wanna feel, we're like, Jessica said this to me on the six figure call this week. She's like, Heather, I just need you to gimme a different thought so I feel better.
Right. Yeah. And I was like, you are hilarious. You know, that's not how this works. Right? No. She's like, no, seriously. She's like, seriously, she was arguing for this. It's, it's the funniest call. She's like, I just need a new thought. I'm just miserable. I'm tolerating this. And I'm like,
oh, you need a new thought to embrace your misery. Or like, what, what are you talking about? Anyway, we worked through it. I gave her some really tough love coaching. Yeah. And that like, I don't know, a half hour after that she vox in me and she was like, I needed a minute to process that,
but Wow. Was that good? Yeah. Like we need to hear stuff. Like, it never occurred to me that dark Heather was like, okay. Yeah. It's, it's so different looking at it from my perspective to see it. It's the same way with me. Right. Like you can see some of my issues so clearly than I never even considered it.
Yeah. All the Heather's at the table have a place. Oh. And they all have something valid to say. I'm writing that down. They all have something valid. They are like, They all bring something to who the true Heather at the front of the table is. That's true. 'cause without them, how would I be who I am? That's actually true.
Like I can latch onto that thought and believe it. Yeah. They're necessary. They're necessary. So when you set them at the table, don't shut them up. Right. Which is what I'm doing. Yeah. And trust yourself that you as the adult true Heather will be able to filter what they're saying. I gotta work on that, Michelle, because what do I wanna ask?
I wanna ask you this, even though I know what you're gonna say and I know, I know, I know. Like Elevate for example, or just the world in general, you think they can handle dark Heather? I know they can handle dark Heather. I love dark Heather. The only Heather I don't love is the one that's afraid of snakes and ends up in my lap.
Oh, that's It. That's fair. That's fair. I can accept that. That version of Heather is interesting as well. But She has her valid concerns as well. Yes. Yeah. She's Allowed to sit at the table, you know, I'm just playing with Yeah, Yeah, yeah. You know, it's like allowed, I, I think that I want to control this is,
this is a result of a person who tends to have anxious thoughts. I wanna control everyone's perception of me. Yeah. Because I'm worried what they're gonna think or how they're gonna react or if they can handle it. And I've really gotta like lean into this trust factor trusting myself to Yeah. Yeah. Okay. This is a perfect way to wrap up.
Where can people find you? Well, my day job is a photographer. Oh, your Day job? Yeah, my day job apparently. My, my side hustle is coaching. It is. You're very good at it. You can find me online on Facebook and Instagram at pets in Focus Photo. And that is also my website, pets in focus photo.com.
And also Michelle is our ambassador in Elevate and she has been officially deemed the people's coach. So if you're in Elevate, she leads calls and book club and she'll, she'll help call you on your crap. Just, just like I will. Yeah. And it's amazing. I Think so. Great. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you,