Empowering Moms: Heidi Gerard's Journey from Addiction to Advocacy

Join Rich Bennett and Wendy Beck in this inspiring episode as they talk with Heidi Gerard, founder of ChrysantheMoms, a non-profit supporting women and children affected by addiction. Heidi shares her powerful story of overcoming addiction, the challenges of starting a non-profit, and the impact ChrysantheMoms has on the community. Learn about her journey, the support from Rage Against Addiction, and the transformative power of resilience and community.

Sponsor Message:

This episode of "Conversations with Rich Bennett" is sponsored by Rage Against Addiction, a non-profit organization dedicated to providing awareness, support, and resources for individuals and families affected by substance abuse. Rage Against Addiction offers programs such as sober living homes, recovery coaching, and educational events to help those in recovery. Their commitment to fighting addiction and supporting the community is unwavering. To learn more about their mission and how you can support their cause, visit rageagainstaddiction.org.

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Transcript

Rich Bennett 0:00
Thanks for joining the conversation. I am joined by my lovely co-host, Wendy Beck. And today we are joined by a lovely young lady who started a non-profit. And I hope I pronounce it right called Chrysanthemum Moms Chrysanthemums. 

Heidi Gerard 0:15
Chrysanthemums. 

Rich Bennett 0:17
Chrysanthemums. I keep thinking of the plant. It's like kissing. Damn it, Chris. Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 0:25
Chrysanthemums. 

Rich Bennett 0:27
Chrysanthemums. 

Wendy Beck 0:28
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 0:29
See, this is why I'm not a gardener. 

Wendy Beck 0:33
Right? Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 0:35
So we have Heidi Girard with us, who apparently came up with this name to make it hard for me to pronounce. 

Heidi Gerard 0:45
They said come up with something catchy. So that was just catchy as I could get. 

Rich Bennett 0:49
You know, it sucks. And I'm sitting there all morning. I've been practicing it, cursing. 

Here it is. I butchered it right when we started. Just like the other bunch. The other bush. First for. 

Wendy Beck 1:03
Forsythia. Forsythia. 

Rich Bennett 1:05
That. 

Wendy Beck 1:06
Yeah, they're hard. They're hard to pronounce some of that stuff. 

Rich Bennett 1:10
Why can't you just say like a red bush or. 

Heidi Gerard 1:14
Rose. 

Wendy Beck 1:15
Because there are so. 

Rich Bennett 1:16
Rose is easy. 

Wendy Beck 1:17
Yeah. Yeah. There's so, so many. It's all Latin too. But anyway, that's a whole nother topic. But. Hi, Heidi. 

Heidi Gerard 1:25
Hi. 

Wendy Beck 1:25
So excited that you're here. I was telling Rich about your program and you were at our run, which we thank you for participating in that. She has joined the the boots on the ground in the nonprofit work in Harford County, and she has the first women and children's house in our county, which is pretty remarkable. But she has a little back story. So I think that, you know, get us up to speed. Tell us a little bit about yourself and how this all relates to addiction and your goals and just all of all the good stuff. 

Heidi Gerard 2:04
Sure. Well, let's see. My addiction story would start with I. I wasn't. I was raised in a really good family. I started using substances when I was 13 because I was trying to get the attention of a boy. 

I just alcohol and partying. I was really attracted to the party life. By 17, I was dabbling in much harder substances. By 18, I was a full on addict. 

I had had a child when I was 17. I actually graduated from high school early. And by the grace of God, I had graduated early because I had a baby right after high school. And I actually didn't start using until after I had him. I used to be like this anti-drug. I was really upset when I'd find out my friends were doing We're doing anything that was not healthy. I thought drinking was really the only party thing that you would do. I didn't even know drugs existed where we live. I thought it was just something that you see in movies. And like cocaine was only something you see in New York City. I was very sheltered. 

So I was introduced to that because of a boy. And, 

you know, it took me to we all know it takes you to the depths of hell and back. So at 21, I found out I was pregnant again. And in my addict mind, I was thinking, Well, I don't want to stop doing drugs, but I don't believe in abortion. So for the first two months of that pregnancy I was using, and that's when I started dabbling in opiates. 

I finally came to like a moment of surrender where I was looking at my son. He was four. I was two months pregnant, very young. And I had been just I had just been I was done with it like I didn't want to do it anymore. And I told my mom, who is extremely strict and very Christian and she had been pretty much raising my son for the past three and a half years. And so I told my mom and she was like, well, our family, everything is secretive. You don't tell people when our when you have problems, you know, we're super middle class. Like, that's something you don't talk about it. Neighbors will find out. People in the community. 

Wendy Beck 4:20
She actually said that. She actually said that. 

Heidi Gerard 4:25
So her thing was always the same thing with my brother. My brother dealt with some issues when he was younger. We just didn't talk about it. Like if you had like a mental health problem, you don't talk about mental health. Everything was very hush hush and it just stayed in the family. And as a Christian family, she was like, God will handle everything you should know better. It was always you should know better. Every time she found out it was something it was. You should just know better. You were raised better than that. But I had this drive. I had this drive to do all kinds of bad things. I was very. I knew. I knew I was an addict from from a very young age. I had very addictive behaviors like from stealing. But I was so manipulative because I was sweet and I was shy and I was quiet. And people would always like, Oh, Heidi would never do that. I figured out how to really manipulate things. 

21 I tell my mom I'm pregnant and I'm a I'm an addict and an addict. And she says, We're just going to pray about it. And tomorrow you're going to wake up. Everything's going to be fine. She did it. The next day I woke up. I didn't touch drugs for ten years and. 

Wendy Beck 5:30
Wow. 

Rich Bennett 5:30
Really? 

Wendy Beck 5:32
What? 

Heidi Gerard 5:33
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 5:33
Okay. Okay. 

Heidi Gerard 5:36
So I went back and I had I have been doing some school here and there for those four years. 

I went to college, I got a degree. I became a teacher. I had my two beautiful children with me and they got to experience all this amazingness, like all this growth. And we were traveling and we were camping out like I was working. I become an assistant principal. Like, I loved my career. I taught for Baltimore City Public Schools. I loved my job. I loved it was never a job. Was very successful. And I was very young. I had gotten married. We had we had another baby. He was four when I decided to end the marriage because of another guy. And, well, the ex-husband, we didn't we weren't the best together. 

After we split, I my children, the father of the two children, the older two children passed away. It was 2015. He passed away from an overdose. He was homeless and overdosed in a hotel room. And it reunited me back with those that group of people because we decided to do it like a celebration of life. And I hadn't seen those friends of mine that I had been using with ten years before. It was years. So the minute one person in specific, one person in specific who had been gone out of my life for ten years actually came back for that for that reason. And him and I reunited within four months. I was relapsed and using opiates, full blown into opiates, I didn't do anything. But it started with like a Percocet. And then it went to like a little bump of dope and like five 

February, I was mixing substances. By March, I walked out of my classroom and I was like, I don't need to be a teacher. It's way more fun being a criminal and a drug addict. And my Baltimore City was actually really good to me because they put me on a leave to try to get help. I didn't get help because there was no follow through. They didn't say like show proof that you're in rehab or they just paid me to run hard and get more in-depth with the opiate at that time is when fentanyl was coming in. And the boyfriend at the time was a dealer. 

Wendy Beck 8:05
What 

Heidi Gerard 8:06
And. 

Wendy Beck 8:06
do you remember? What do you remember what year this was? I'm curious. 

Heidi Gerard 8:10
It was April 2016. 

He had gotten a new batch of something. It was blue. They kept telling me, You have to be very careful. This is some really strong stuff. I remember the day, the first time I did it, because I used to steal it from him because he would, like, feed me little bits at a time to control the whole relationship. I sold it and I did a lot of it. And I remember like falling out and it was definitely a different feeling. It was intense and it was really good, and that's when I knew it was really bad because of how good it was and how little you needed to get high off of it. It was still mixed with with heroin. It was still like the brown heroin was around, but there was like a blue tint to it. So for the next few months, it was it was really bad. It was really bad. The boyfriend ended up getting a charge, which meant I knew that the run was coming to an end because I only knew how to do it with him. He ended up going to jail in March of 2017. I was completely gone. I wasn't who all of the real Heidi was completely gone. 

June of 2017. I wanted a field trip with my daughter to Tennessee. She was ten. I only took enough of what I needed for three days out of a seven day trip because I had no money to get more. And that's when I was the start of my getting clean. So I went to withdrawal in front of my ten year old daughter on a field trip. And it was the most awful experience I went through and it was awful scary and she's ever witnessed. And my mom came because she knew I was a mess. So I'm very grateful that she was there because she provided me a safe place to go through it. She was really hard on me during that time. She was like, You're not going to die. Stop your nonsense. But, you know, before that, there were several overdoses. I was. So I come to a point now. I'm just so grateful to be alive because without, like, your hand, without being sternum rubbed, where they rub your chest to kind of wake you back up without CPR. Just like that. I could have been. I could have been gone. And I always, you know, by the grace of God, I'm very grateful today. But June of 2017, I surrendered. And the only thing I know about getting help, I didn't know anything. Like I didn't know Harper County was so rich in resources. That was like during the time that the recovery movement was booming in Harford County. I was very lucky to have gotten clean when I did because of the resources, but all I knew then was a lot of it. I reached out to the hotline and a guy named Andre answered my call and I was like all erratic and manic and like, I don't know what to do because I'm ten days clean. I want to get high. I had no I had had a slip in there. I had come back from Tennessee and I used on my birthday. And then that's when I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. I called him, I 

Wendy Beck 11:19
How 

Heidi Gerard 11:20
say 

Wendy Beck 11:20
old were 

Heidi Gerard 11:20
off. 

Wendy Beck 11:20
you? Can I ask how old you are? 

Heidi Gerard 11:23
I was 32. 

Wendy Beck 11:25
Okay. 

Heidi Gerard 11:25
I just turned 33 that year. I didn't I didn't relapse. I was 31 years old and I was college educated. And it just like that, the decision came and I was like, I'm doing it. So 

I he told me, he said, You should be grateful because you just took a breath. Someone just took their life. That was it. I was like, What do I got to do? Because he really explained things to me on that call. Very grateful for a Narcotics Anonymous. He told me to go get go to an NRA meeting. I went to that meeting and there I met another teacher from Baltimore City. I met a university graduate, which was my alma mater, and it was just like the right time to do it. I dove into my recovery. I did the 1990. I did two rounds of it willingly because I just wanted to say right. Within three months I had a job again, a really good job at a nonprofit. I was back, I had my own apartment. I bought a car. Like, my life completely skyrocketed again, just from working this program. 

During this time, I was married to the boyfriend who was in jail. 

So I started working for this nonprofit and I started learning a lot about nonprofit, how to help people. And I started really, you know, helping people in the community, but with a special interest in him. And I advocated for him. He got sentenced to nine years. I advocated really hard. He ended up doing a year and a half and then six months in rehab, came home. We had our four. We had baby number four came the day he came home. I got pregnant and I wanted to stay on the straight and narrow. Within months, he was actually living and by the following year. Here I am so divorced now, of course. But, you know, it's. If it wasn't for the tools of recovery that I had learned through all these programs and from watching other women in the program, I watched the houses get started with rage. I learned how Mt. Zion was amazing. And they were like this welcoming church of people. And Harvard County was just so such a good place to get to get clean. It like it was the place that I needed. There was so much support and so many people that were just, you know, they were just there and it was the right time. 

Wendy Beck 14:00
So what happened? In that year after you separated from him and to debt to do the two today. Tell us about that year. Yeah, it was a little stumbling. That was a lot. Sorry. 

Heidi Gerard 14:13
Yes. 

Wendy Beck 14:15
So he leaves. And today we are here to talk about this program. So what happened? The day he left today. 

Heidi Gerard 14:25
June or January 2022. I had had it. I said, it's enough and I'm going to do something. And during that time, I had seen a big need for women and children. I knew we had a lot of recovery houses, not as many for women, but, you know, there's a couple that are really good and there's a bunch of men's houses, but there was nothing for women and children, nothing. And then like the homeless shelter and half county only has so many beds. But again, you can't have children there. And as I was working with this other nonprofit, I started getting calls from hundreds of families that were like, I'm a mom in recovery. I'm trying to get my kid back. I need to go somewhere that my kids need. At least I'm assisted in the surgery weekends. And I had moms who were like, you know, I just need to get my foot in the door. But I have a two year old. And so as a mother, as someone who wouldn't have ever left, you know, to go to rehab because I wouldn't want to leave my children even though I was using it. It sounds funny now when I say it, but I being clean, I never wanted to be away from them. So in 2022, you know, I started picking up my feet and getting my life back together. After all the trauma from the year before, 23 March of 23, I started chrysanthemums with just the intention of doing like support groups and like a place for moms moms to come and bring your kids or have playdates. Maybe if you need a babysitter you can go to an AA meeting, things like that. What is the purpose of it? I want to was like I had the dream of the recovery house that like three years down the road I wanted to really have a strong infrastructure with those. Just the foundation of chrysanthemums. And someone put the idea in my head and I met a realtor who was in recovery that was like, Why don't you just buy How are I out payments? If I wanted to buy a house and I didn't think I would be able to, he made it happen in three months. So I ended up buying the house closed in January, and in April we opened and within two weeks we had eight women or children. 

Yeah, that's right. That's who you are. So with the house we're offering, you know, there's I always tell people there's different levels of a recovery house. And this is what I've learned just from my peers in the community who have done it, have started it. Or what they would like to see is there's the transitional living. You can just come. Live. You know, you have to do meetings, you have to get a job, things like that. You know, different levels work for different people. 

With chrysanthemums, which we call it the lily house, because we would like to have a whole garden of houses that play on words 

Rich Bennett 17:11
Love that. 

Heidi Gerard 17:12
and 

with the Lily house, you know, it's comprehensive services that when you come in, you, you meet with me. We put a plan together. These are your goals for your first days. You're going to get basic needs taken care of. You're going to get employment taken care of. And then I check in with them and make sure they're just meeting those goals. They have to do a 90 and 90. They have to do IAP if they're not working. I want I want structure and I want communication because that's what works for me. 

Wendy Beck 17:47
So what? 

Heidi Gerard 17:47
So. 

Wendy Beck 17:48
Zero. Would you would you label this with a level like a level like 1 to 3 for sober living? The rage houses are a level two. And so where we allow the women a little more freedom. So what would you call your your program? 

Heidi Gerard 18:07
I would like to see a 3.1. 

Wendy Beck 18:10
Can you? 

Heidi Gerard 18:11
I would like to be 

Wendy Beck 18:11
Can you explain what 3.1 is to the listeners that don't know? And I also want to say, if you don't know what 90 and 90 is nine, it's doing 90 meetings in 90 days. And then Iope stands for Intense Outpatient. So I just want to kind of bring everybody up to speed because not everybody is 

Heidi Gerard 18:29
door. 

Wendy Beck 18:29
as well versed in that kind of lingo as we are. So just kind of, hey, you know, so what is it, 3.1 and and are you there yet? 

Heidi Gerard 18:39
So we're not there yet. We're getting there. A 3.1 is you have a house manager, you have a program manager. You are you know, you have that comprehensive care. So they're working with the program director or program manager to have goals that meets your goals. It's a weekly basis. There's more structure, 

there's more of a commitment to it. I guess you don't have as much freedom. You are kind of monitored. I know in our first 30 days you can't go anywhere without a buddy. 

There's there's more of a monitoring. Can I have a cell phone? It wasn't that easy getting started, for sure. I definitely learned as I'm going as a as we're growing, I'm learning more and more about what what they can get away with because I'm kind of a softy and I'm like, Oh, I can understand why. 

Wendy Beck 19:33
It's hard. It's tough. 

Heidi Gerard 19:35
Yes. 

Wendy Beck 19:36
Especially and this is a question not to interrupt, but, you know. These women have to follow rules and they have to follow rules in parenting as well. So I can I can imagine because, you know, I know what it's like having you know, three houses for women. Tell us what it's like for having women with children. Is it chaotic? Is it organized? They are they you know, are they grateful? Are they combative? You know, the rules are the rules. I know that in any type of sober living. So. So. So how do the residents, the moms, you know, handle that kind of structure, being a parent themselves? 

Heidi Gerard 20:16
So for some of the moms that are in reunification, I've heard it's hard to see the other moms there with their kids. They don't have their kids there trying to get it. That's definitely something that that we're going through. That's where all those external things, the mental health treatment, all that comes into play, because they're able to talk about it and they know they're going to get there. Definitely when the mom came with the kids because we had some some that were in reunification, some didn't have their kids all the time. Some that haven't seen their kids in a while. But I had a mom come, too, and it definitely was chaotic. They brought a lot of excitement and. 

Yes. And, you know, it was different from having three women just kind of there and the little baby in the house having these little young children under seven two of them running around and like riding bikes and. It definitely caused some chaos. It takes a lot for them to to work together and to communicate. Something I also noticed is conflict resolution, to say a lot of them would be texting me. This is what's happening, this is what's happening. And it would come to a point where I'd be like, We're all going to meet and we have to talk about it together because we're not doing all the talking behind our back and all the secrets. And if there's a problem and how is your family together? 

The having the kids is a lot. I have babies and I have babysat some of them so they can go to meetings. They're very overwhelmed. The moms that come with the kids, I know they're overwhelmed. It's a lot because some of them are just doing their kids back and now thrown into the situation without their support network. It's it's a lot. It's definitely been a 

Wendy Beck 21:54
Well, 

Heidi Gerard 21:54
lot. 

Wendy Beck 21:55
it is. It is. I can imagine it's it is a lot. And I actually have toured the house. It's it's it's incredible. It's it's very large. I mean, how many bedrooms is it? 

It's five bedrooms. 

Rich Bennett 22:09
Wow. 

Wendy Beck 22:09
And it's it's gorgeous, actually. It's like an old style brick and very roomy, very spacious. And. And I guess to make it work, you have to really have designated areas for for, you know, playtime and and what like a playroom and all of that kind of stuff And is that working out for you guys? Because I know that that to me, that would be very hard to create these rules that this is what happens here and this is what happens here. Like, what does it look like in the day of a chrysanthemum? 

Heidi Gerard 22:47
I love it. That's what I wanted, you know, that I wanted, like, your chrysanthemums, but. 

Wendy Beck 22:52
Yeah, I love it. 

Heidi Gerard 22:53
Oh. 

Wendy Beck 22:53
No, they are two. Totally. 

Heidi Gerard 22:55
Yeah, they're growing. 

So I had this big idea that the top floor, there's four storeys. So I had the idea that the top floor was a beautiful playroom and it was going to look like my classroom did. And then the second floor was going to be like the bunk beds, and we were going to make it really cute. I was very ideal. There has been a lot of movement. The playroom is now in the basement. The there's a room in the basement where the house manager started. Now she's up in the fourth floor by herself. We had to accommodate the mom that had the two children. So there has been a lot of switching of of of rooms and what we were going to do, what ideally we wanted to do. Like there's a fun room that was going to be office space. It's become the storage room. 

That's the backyard. We had like few patio furniture. We have I have concrete now. It's colored with like chalk and there's like toys everywhere. So it's lived in, you know, it's. 

Rich Bennett 23:55
Yeah. 

Heidi Gerard 23:56
And being live than me. 

Rich Bennett 23:57
It's a home. 

Wendy Beck 23:58
Well, life is messy. Life is definitely messy. So And the messier it is, it means the more creativity that's happening there. I think. 

Heidi Gerard 24:08
Yeah. And, you know, there's I, I know it's hard for, like, maybe the people that are more established in the recovery, but for me, as a single mom with four children. Things like eating in the dining room, only those kind of things that can happen. And I'm not trying to put unrealistic expectations on these women. They're just they're at the foundation. They're trying to figure out what's right, what's wrong. We learn from trial and error. So why would I say what you're doing is wrong and bring you down when you're trying so hard? You know, you've made this commitment and you've made the sacrifice to come here. I'm not going to nit pick every little thing, but you are going to be structured and you are going to work on your recovery. 

Wendy Beck 24:49
Now, what's the mission of the organization like? What's your mission statement? 

Heidi Gerard 24:54
So it's just to support women and children affected by the use of a. 

Wendy Beck 25:01
And you. 

Rich Bennett 25:02
I want to know how you came 

Heidi Gerard 25:03
To 

Rich Bennett 25:03
up 

Heidi Gerard 25:03
the 

Rich Bennett 25:03
with 

Heidi Gerard 25:03
point. 

Rich Bennett 25:03
the name. 

Wendy Beck 25:05
He's still stuck on the name. 

Rich Bennett 25:07
Yes, I love it. 

Heidi Gerard 25:10
So that's funny. So there's there are a couple of different things we do. Actually, my daughter, my 17 year old and I, we're the ones that brainstormed this whole thing. This was our idea because she was that little girl that was on a field trip and watched her mom go through. 

Rich Bennett 25:23
Right. 

Heidi Gerard 25:25
So I was like, you know, she's been a huge part. All of my kids have, but she has she's been a huge part of my recovery and she's she's very real with me. And my oldest is very honest. They were huge for me. So when I was picking the name, I was thinking like cliche things like a lotus or something about blooming, like something cheesy or I guess I was trying to be more cliche. My favorite book that I used to read on the first day to my kindergartners, because Chrysanthemum is about a little girl who is unique and people used to make fun of her and she was treated terribly. And I was like, Yeah, that's how I felt as an addict. People treated me a certain way and they stigmatize me and I had like this connection to this little mouse. And this book was and my daughter Haley, was like, Let's call it chrysanthemums. We have a play on words and we can still have the whole flower idea. And I was like, That's it. So the day that I did my article wasn't preparation. I was like, This is it. We're not going back after we send this in. This is the name. And she was like, We're doing it. And I was like, All right. So then we came up with the idea. Everybody throwing together and chrysanthemums was over 200 and some varieties of a stamp mom And they can grow together and they just create this variety of flowers. There's stunning flowers. Some of them look like fireworks. Some of them are like the mums you see on the floor. They're just so beautiful. They represent something so beautiful. And that's what these women are. These are beautiful women to me, and their children are amazing. I just want to see them grow and bloom into, you know, I want them to be where I've seen some really amazing women in recovery. 

Rich Bennett 27:05
Okay, So we know you're your daughter. Hayley is responsible for the name. 

Heidi Gerard 27:10
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 27:11
What about the closet? Hailey's closet was that? As well. 

Heidi Gerard 27:16
I named Caylee after. Yes. So Hayley is named after Haley's Comet. So, again, Haley's closet. 

Rich Bennett 27:23
Play 

Heidi Gerard 27:23
Haley. 

Rich Bennett 27:24
all words. 

Wendy Beck 27:25
What? What? I missed this part. What is Hailey's closet? 

Heidi Gerard 27:29
It's just all the clothes that we have. You know, if someone in the community, not just in the house, is in need of clothes, we can always give you a bag of clothes for women and children. 

Wendy Beck 27:37
Yes. 

Heidi Gerard 27:37
We have some men's stuff too. So. 

Wendy Beck 27:41
That's awesome. So if you don't mind. One of the remarkable things that that I know about you and if you want to edit this, we can, but the house you bought and you put the downpayment down with your own money. So. 

Heidi Gerard 27:59
It's the first house I've ever bought. It was my first home, and I. I. I'm. 

Wendy Beck 28:05
She's giving it away to all these women, which I think is the most beautiful thing that when you told me that. I just I was so touched that you that you would have invested so much into these women because, you know, you do you own a home that you live in now. That's 

Heidi Gerard 28:24
I don't 

Wendy Beck 28:24
what 

Heidi Gerard 28:25
know. 

Wendy Beck 28:25
Yeah. So. 

Heidi Gerard 28:26
When I got 

Rich Bennett 28:27
Why? 

Heidi Gerard 28:27
divorced, I went back home to my mom and I'm grateful to have a roof. And I'm grateful to after everything I put my mom through, I'm happy to help her. So it's my childhood home. I don't mind being there and my kids get to live and experience what I did as a child. But it was hard because I've waited since I was right out of college to buy a house and I kept hitting roadblocks for 13 years. I hit roadblocks trying to buy a house because of my student loan debt and. I searched high and low and I picked the house that had all this character that if I lived there, I would love living there. And when I walked through it before anybody lived in every day, I was like, this is a really hard decision because I have waited so long to have my own home. And I listen. I can feel what's right. And my higher power is telling me, you know, you already have enough. You need to help other people that don't have what you're so grateful to have, so lucky to have. 

Wendy Beck 29:29
That's so powerful. It's so beautiful to be that selfless because that's truly, you know, going to benefit all of these women that come through those doors. And, you know, you're in the beginning stages of it. So I'm sure you're going to experience a lot of, you know, good and bad because, you know, people come in and they're broken and they're learning how to live. And I can't even imagine, like, there has to be an element because they're learning how to live for themselves. And you also have to teach them how to be a parent. And, you know, everyone has different parenting styles. So I feel like that would be like one of the biggest challenges for you guys. 

Heidi Gerard 30:07
It is. It's very hard. For the first time, mom who has to call all hours of the night and say, Am I doing this right? Is this the right thing to do? It's 

it's definitely it's definitely hard. And the parenting challenges are are a lot, especially when you haven't had your child in years and you're just getting them thrown in and you're in a house and it's like, what am I to do? And you're not just in the house with you and your children. You're in there with seven other women. That's hard. But what I have seen with my girls so far support each other. I mean, they all help each other with babysitting. They encourage each other. They. I got really lucky because I was you know, we've we've had some disagreements. There have been some issues, but it gets resolved. And, I mean, these girls have worked hard. The girls that are in reunification who are about to give up hope and think, just get my kids to the system. It's remarkable what is happening with them. Like they're they're social workers and they're like, these girls are hopeful again. They're providers where mental health providers are calling and saying, I don't know what's happening to them, but they're doing so good. And that is what's keeping the drive. There has been a lot of sacrifice from my own children or, you know, I spent the first month. There was a lot of time of being away from home bringing these these children and babysitting them in our home or going to the playground and giving up an evening. But I can see I'm teaching them to be selfless as well, because I would hope one day they take over and they can continue to do what we've been doing. But. 

Rich Bennett 31:42
They will. 

Heidi Gerard 31:43
It's been a lot of sacrifice on everybody's part, on the moms and our part as a family. There's been some people in the community that have been just amazing that have that that have stepped up, and they've done so much, that house that fully furnished in a week because the people in the community beautiful 

Rich Bennett 31:59
Wow. 

Heidi Gerard 31:59
for. 

There was one. As soon as I bought the house, there was a post. I started getting calls and I mean, you should see the furniture. Everything in that house is free. Every. 

Wendy Beck 32:11
It's beautiful, too. It looks amazing, honestly. I love it. It's it's got so much character. It's a home, for sure. It really is. 

Heidi Gerard 32:21
These are just people. Just just people that wanted to do something nice. And I mean, I'm so grateful to the community because they've been so supportive. 

What the next steps I would like to see, though. They do a house meeting on like once a week. They do a house meeting. I would like to see more programming. So whether it's, you know, a parenting class that comes in and they. Six weeks and they're going to do parenting classes with the girls or conflict resolution. 

Just just things to help them develop life skills. You know, you're coming in from all walks of life. Some have these life skills. Some need to fine tune their life skills. 

Definitely more programmatic things would be really beneficial for them, not just work. Meeting. I would like to have something where their skill building. I'm an educator. So to me, education is the key to success. Education does not just mean going to school and getting a degree. It could be, you know, learning a skill parenting as well. It's a huge skill. It makes you more patient in life. It makes you a better person because you're dealing with these little people. So parenting to me is the biggest skill that needs to be expressed in the house. Women and children. 

Wendy Beck 33:38
Yes. With that. And it's not easy. It's not easy there. They're struggling with their own recovery and they're there learning, too, and getting to know their children for some some of them for the very first time. I'm sure some of these 

Heidi Gerard 33:52
That. 

Wendy Beck 33:52
kids have behavioral issues, which is going to affect everyone in the house. You know, when you have, you know, what is it, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. So you've got the problem child. That's probably creates a lot of a lot of dramatics for the other people that are just trying to get through their day. So I can imagine that this is this is you know, obviously it's a work in progress. And you're you're going to get there. You're going to fine tune it. So how how long has the house been open? Was it April, you said? 

Heidi Gerard 34:21
April 1st, we brought in our first resident, April. I think she came 

first. Two weeks we filled. We've we've, we've gone through the ups and downs. We've had to ask some people to leave. But it's a steady it's a steady flow of of a need. I mean, we get the first week I probably had over 150 phone calls and I had a girl come from New York. I was like, How in the world did you get my number? The girl was like, I don't know your name. Come up. Came up for women and children. So I had someone come all the way down from New York. And 

Rich Bennett 34:52
How. 

Heidi Gerard 34:52
so it's funny because she was like, We can't find any sober living that has an availability for a woman and her children, her child. So it's it's it's a huge need. 

Wendy Beck 35:03
Let me ask, what's the. What's the age range for the children that are allowed to be there? 

Heidi Gerard 35:09
So the children that can live there are children. Seven and under. 

Wendy Beck 35:13
Okay, So they are. Not in school yet. Technically. Ah, they could be up into this second grade. 

Heidi Gerard 35:22
Yes. So anything. 

Rich Bennett 35:24
Seven and under. 

Heidi Gerard 35:26
Yes. 

So the parent that's in reunification has a teenager. The teenagers are welcome to come and spend the day with mom. They can go out and spend the day with their mom. At some point, they could even do a sleepover, depending on who's in the house. And it would, of course, be planned. But, you know, teenagers need their parents, too. And I don't initially I don't want to put an age limit on it. And then I started thinking smart. And, you know, you don't want kids accused of anything. You don't want little ones. There's a lot that goes with it 

Wendy Beck 35:59
Yeah, 

Heidi Gerard 35:59
when it comes 

Wendy Beck 35:59
there's 

Heidi Gerard 36:00
to. 

Wendy Beck 36:00
a lot of liability and I 

Heidi Gerard 36:02
That's. 

Wendy Beck 36:02
can. In that, you know, that's something that you have to constantly be thinking about. 

Heidi Gerard 36:09
Yes, very much 

Wendy Beck 36:12
Tell us 

Heidi Gerard 36:12
so. 

Wendy Beck 36:13
about. Oh, I'm sorry. No, no. Tell us. Like your board and who supports you in the community because you did get everything set up so fast and it was given and like you have a really strong background in the community already, but like, who are your like your big team members? Like you want to give a shout out to because, you know, this is hard for. Listening. And I would I would love to recognize them. 

Heidi Gerard 36:37
So number one is Rage Against addiction and. 

Wendy Beck 36:41
No. 

Heidi Gerard 36:42
All. 

Rich Bennett 36:43
Who? 

Heidi Gerard 36:46
Because I got to tell you, every every step of the way, I had to ask Wendy and Rachel, am I doing this right? Can I use your hands? Can I steal some things out of your hand? I think my liability clause is pretty much your liability, cause I, I. 

Rich Bennett 37:02
It's not stealing, Heidi. It's sheer. 

Heidi Gerard 37:05
Right. 

Wendy Beck 37:06
Hey, wait a minute. I didn't know about this. 

Heidi Gerard 37:10
Not only that, they gave me my house manager. 

Wendy Beck 37:12
Yeah, we did. Yeah. 

Heidi Gerard 37:13
I 

Wendy Beck 37:14
And that's 

Heidi Gerard 37:14
guess 

Wendy Beck 37:14
that's one of the beautiful things that I truly believe, like the the sober living. And Heidi and I are both a part of the the Harford County. So over Sober Living Oversight Committee. So, you know, we want to make sure that the standards are kept high for our houses and her house as well. So we just want to make sure that people understand because sober living houses scare people and and we know that. And when they I think what did you say, Heidi, that your neighbors approached you at first and they were like, I know what's going on here. And you're like, no, what's going on here? Because they they don't 

Heidi Gerard 37:49
I. 

Wendy Beck 37:50
understand. 

Heidi Gerard 37:52
I think they thought it was a brothel. I think they. 

I know exactly what's going on here. And I was like, What do you think is happening? 

Wendy Beck 38:01
Right. 

Heidi Gerard 38:01
A bunch of women and yeah, so, I mean, we want to change the stigma around what a recovery house is like. I had people come in and they were like, This is not what I thought it would look like. I was like, What did you see? It was going to look like you think it was going to be like, what you think our house looks like? What? What does the recovery house look like? You. 

Rich Bennett 38:21
Well, I think a lot of that is changing. Wendy, I think you and I talked about this before because there is something going on in the community. One of the terms I hate is halfway house. I just think it's got it's just a negative word and a lot of people. Think of that when I hear recovery. You know, they think it's going to be the worse or it's going to bring down property value. And again, bullshit. No, it won't. No, it doesn't. You know, but I'm glad we're getting away from that term. Recovery home. I find nothing wrong with. 

Wendy Beck 38:58
Yeah, we were living. So we're living house. 

Rich Bennett 39:02
Yeah. 

Wendy Beck 39:02
Every residency is. They're all interchangeable. I think halfway house is kind of takes us back to like the, like 1950, 6070s where people were like. Coming out of jail and going because they had nowhere else to go. Like, almost like a flophouse. But these houses are structured. And I just really want to like kind of just, you know, say to the community that there are guidelines that that if if they're doing it right, are being followed. And there should be no reason to fear this. This is you know, this is this is a human addiction, is a human condition. And it can affect anyone. And if we don't provide them with safe and loving homes, they're not going to get better. And we've we've changed this perspective just by doing what we're doing and what HIV's doing. And to get back to that, she yeah, we had a house manager at one of our houses and she has a young child and I don't know if her child lives with you guys or not, does she? 

Heidi Gerard 40:09
On the weekend. 

Wendy Beck 40:11
But she wasn't able to really have that in in like the houses that rage because we're not set up. So she took the opportunity to become a house manager, so she could have more quality time with her kids or her daughter, actually. And, you know, that's a blessing. That's not something that is given to people that are struggling because in this world and we know that the first thing that people want to do to the addict is to take their kids away. 

Heidi Gerard 40:42
So I have a funny story. Let me give a couple more shout outs really quick, but. 

Rich Bennett 40:45
I was wondering 

Heidi Gerard 40:46
Oh, 

Rich Bennett 40:46
if you want to shut out more 

Heidi Gerard 40:47
yeah. 

Rich Bennett 40:47
besides that rage, please. 

Heidi Gerard 40:51
So definitely rage. I got to give it to the realtor and the lender that. 

Wendy Beck 40:58
You know you. 

Rich Bennett 41:00
I had a funny feeling that. 

Heidi Gerard 41:05
Because they made you know, they brought my dream to life and they made it big. They took a chance on this this girl who has bad credit. 

Rich Bennett 41:14
That's Danny. 

Heidi Gerard 41:16
Yes. Yeah. Apparently, throb is huge for me. Mark Webster. Oh, my goodness. They're my whole their my life. Like they. Those are people that I remember. I remember meeting Tara and thinking, Wow, I wonder if I could ever get to know people like that. Like, I wonder how I have to work hard to get to be a huge supporter. Like, she's giving me opportunities that have changed my life. Marcus Webster has taught me true meaning of friendship. What he's done with the clubhouse and the Roots project. My children are in the project because they're children of addiction. He has this vision and he just makes stuff happen. He's amazing. Elliot Slattery from a team of behavioral health. He came to the house. He was like, What do you need? He was setting up mental health services for girls willing to have their eye open, like come pick up the girls and take them when they start their IOP program. He connected me with Kristina and Hannah from the Torch Foundation. That would help me with my certification. I mean, he made me feel like a part of the family just jumped right in and was like, What do we have to do to help you? ACR. I mean, they they've given my girls to step in the door because they can't cover their intake fees. And they're this community is it's a blessing Pakistani 

Wendy Beck 42:34
Is. 

Heidi Gerard 42:34
government. So the funny thing with our county government and thanks to Tara later of. I was able to transition. I was able to I was at this nonprofit for years. I started chrysanthemums. I would just do the small things. Tara opened the whole door for chrysanthemums because she offered me to be a contractor with the county, and the money through my contract comes to chrysanthemums to show that we can bring in funding because we want to go for big grants. And we couldn't do it without having funding coming in. So today I'm the Family Recovery coordinator, entrance report coordinator, and it's all run through Sam's mom. And we're able to not only help the girls at our house, I'm able to help families that are going to families coming for it. And some of those girls live in my house now. 

Rich Bennett 43:21
Wow. 

Heidi Gerard 43:22
We're getting like this wraparound service and it's amazing. And those are the girls that were ready to quit. They give up their kids and be like, I'm going to live with my kids. The system. And they're still hopeful today and they're in the reunification process now. 

Wendy Beck 43:36
That's amazing. That 

Heidi Gerard 43:37
I. 

Wendy Beck 43:37
truly is. It is. And I like how you touched on, like, all aspects of the community to treatment. Connections with other nonprofits. And just even sharing information and like, honestly referring people who it might be a better fit for them to come to you than to be with us and vice versa. So I think that, you know, the people in the county need to understand that, you know, we are working together and we are the boots on the ground. We are the community based organizations that step in when there's no other resources and and to support that is essential for people to recover. And I know you probably have a lot of wants and needs and events coming up. Can you tell us a little bit about, you know, if you have a wish list, what you could use from the community and then where they could go to learn more about you? Because I know we have an upcoming shared event in the at the end of June, and you can talk a little bit about that if you want. 

Heidi Gerard 44:44
So our needs we. We to be able to raise some funding for the girls that can't cover to come in? Having some funding set aside would be amazing things from toilet paper to paper towels to just those basic essential items. When they first move in that first 30 days, they might not have money for food, they might not have any kind of benefits. They could buy food for the first girls that came in, all that came out of my pocket. So any kind of what they need is and we're going to make sure they have everything. So just having like an extra supply of these kind of things would just you would be surprised how important paper towels are and toilet paper in a household of eight women and. 

Wendy Beck 45:29
And cleaning supplies, I'm sure. I'm sure you guys need to keep that on hand. 

Rich Bennett 45:35
Heidi with. 

Heidi Gerard 45:35
Source. 

Rich Bennett 45:37
Does each individual do their own shopping or is it the house manager? It does the shopping for like food and stuff, like. 

Heidi Gerard 45:45
The first 30 days, I take them shopping. That person and I will go shopping. I'll buy them $100 in groceries to get them started. And then during that time, if they need food stamps or something like that, will help them apply for it or get their card, whatever they need. But they say they have to find their own network so that first 30 days is intensive between them. And after that, you should have a sponsor, you should have a network. Those people are the people you're going to call and you're going to be you're going to be vulnerable. It can. Are you around the house? 

So that you know, that they have to become self-sufficient after the first 30 days. 

Rich Bennett 46:27
So excuse me, because I'm thinking the gears are going. Would it be? And I don't know where where the where you're located, but would it be ideal for people to donate, say, gift cards, whether it be from Klein's Shoprite or Wegmans or whatever? Would that help a lot? 

Heidi Gerard 46:50
That would be amazing. That would be amazing to give them their own card and say, now you can go grocery shopping and get what you need. You know your essentials. 

Rich Bennett 46:58
Okay. 

Heidi Gerard 47:01
I mean, the biggest needs. We have lots of clothes, we have toys, we have the basics of the house. It's just those disposable things. So those toiletries and the kitchen stuff and, you know, the gift cards would be a blessing. We would also love to have people that want to come and volunteer to do gardening. We have had people, Don Mathis and his wife, Suzanne Tuthill, they have come and they donated like 40 chrysanthemums for us to be planted around the house, which I thought was really cute. 

Wendy Beck 47:33
Yeah, that's 

Heidi Gerard 47:33
Yeah, 

Wendy Beck 47:33
a 

Heidi Gerard 47:33
it was 

Wendy Beck 47:33
Oh, 

Heidi Gerard 47:34
really. 

Wendy Beck 47:34
that's perfect. That's so perfect. 

Heidi Gerard 47:38
So, you know, just educational things as life skills. If you know people that want to do a parenting class or they want to help people maybe who have a background or have been incarcerated and they need there's a program called Getting Ahead when you're getting out, people that have experience and things like that, anything programmatic that want to come and they want to do a weekly session or whatever, that's the kind of stuff that we we definitely need. 

Rich Bennett 48:04
What about as far as something like, Oh, no children's authors coming in and reading to the kids? 

Heidi Gerard 48:10
Anything educational. I am down for that. 

Wendy Beck 48:13
I could. 

Heidi Gerard 48:13
Yes. 

Wendy Beck 48:13
Well. I would love to. That was one of my favorite things to do with my kids when they were little is to have, like, a story time. Now, that would be cute. You could have people come in and do. Time. 

Rich Bennett 48:26
God knows there's a lot of local children's authors. 

Wendy Beck 48:29
Yeah. 

Heidi Gerard 48:30
Are. 

Wendy Beck 48:30
And it's one someone comes to mind. Rich. 

Rich Bennett 48:35
Wendy. 

Wendy Beck 48:35
No, not me. 

Rich Bennett 48:37
Kayla. 

Wendy Beck 48:38
She would be she would be amazing for that. She has a couple of books and it's in there just, you know, precious and maybe, maybe we could hook her up with her. Maybe she could do that. 

Rich Bennett 48:50
Definitely. 

Heidi Gerard 48:52
Definitely. 

Rich Bennett 48:52
Well, I have another. I have another idea. Only run by you guys when we're finished. 

Heidi Gerard 48:56
Oh, God. 

Wendy Beck 48:59
Okay, Well, so tell us. You know, I'm sorry. Go ahead. The mediator. 

Heidi Gerard 49:04
Just think the upcoming event would be weird. 

I can't remember the Harper County outreach team. We've all come together to do this Bayside Family Wellness Fair. We're going to hold it in Havre de Grace on June 30th from 11 to 2, I believe, at 

that time. 

Wendy Beck 49:29
Where the white. Where the lighthouse is? Yeah. 

Rich Bennett 49:31
Four point. 

Heidi Gerard 49:33
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 49:33
Mark. 

Heidi Gerard 49:35
So we are looking for vendors, anybody that has to do with mental health. Anybody that has anything that has to do with mental health or family wellness. We're looking for vendors that want to come and put up a table, give us some information and definitely for families during the summer. 

Rich Bennett 49:51
How much is it to be a vendor? 

Wendy Beck 49:54
Nothing. It's very. It's very. 

Rich Bennett 49:58
But they can donate. 

Wendy Beck 50:00
Of course. 

Rich Bennett 50:02
September, you know, June 30th. 

Heidi Gerard 50:05
June 30th by the lighthouse and having a great. 

Rich Bennett 50:09
As a Thursday. 

Wendy Beck 50:11
Now it's a. 

Rich Bennett 50:12
I'm looking at May. I'm sorry. It's a Sunday. 

Wendy Beck 50:16
Yes. Yeah. Reg will be there too, so. 

Rich Bennett 50:21
I'm just because I was going to wait till her done. But I want to. I can't remember if I said this to you, Wendy, or not, but I would love to do is get a few people on organizations and people in recovery. 

As much as this scares me, I said I would never do this, but this is. 

Wendy Beck 50:40
Oh, my. I've. 

Rich Bennett 50:43
Yes. A live podcast will set up the table and we'll probably do where we normally recorded Percy because you don't want too many people. 

And let people ask questions. 

Wendy Beck 50:57
Okay. 

Let us now. 

Rich Bennett 51:01
Oh, no, we're going to do it. 

Wendy Beck 51:03
Okay. 

Rich Bennett 51:04
Well, we'll we'll we'll definitely do it, because even if we do it once a year, we can always bring on different people as well. Or if it goes very well, we'll do it more than once. She. 

Wendy Beck 51:17
So if someone wants to wants to come to your house, do you have a wait list and is there an application and screening process? 

Heidi Gerard 51:25
There is an interview process. Right now, a lot of our referrals come from providers. After that, it could be self-referral. They just have to call and set up an interview. During the interview we decide if it would be a good fit. And then there's an intake and then you move in. 

It's pretty cut and dry. It's pretty cut and dry. But there is I think another important thing is we also are mat friendly. So medically assisted treatment. We do have space for people that are on Avastin methadone because like everything in recovery, there is a stigma against that. There is a stigma against moms who are in recovery. I mean, we our goal is to break that that stigma around recovery, addiction, who it is that is an addict. I sit with people a lot and they talk about addicts. And of course, I always have to be like, by the way, did you know that I used to be an addict? And people are like, no, there's there's no way. And and I have the closest relationship with my kids. You would think we would have a broken relationship or whatever. My kids don't want to leave me. Sometimes I'm like, Don't you want to leave and, like, move and go somewhere? They're like, No, mom, we love you so much. Whenever we're never. 

My oldest is 22 and he still wants to be with me all the time. It's kind of weird, but. Yeah. Yeah. So. 

Rich Bennett 52:56
I'm fine with that because, like, you know, it's the circle of life, Heidi. You know, you changed their diaper when they were young. If you get older and never have to wear them, they can change your. 

Wendy Beck 53:07
Oh, God. 

Heidi Gerard 53:10
My son does that all the time. 

Rich Bennett 53:13
My daughter says no. That's my son's response. 

Heidi Gerard 53:17
That's. 

Rich Bennett 53:18
It's the oldest. 

Wendy Beck 53:22
The oldest tends to have to care for the parents the most usually. 

Well, it's always a pleasure. I have to come out and see if I can, you know, do something to help you guys on a like, a personal level. Like, I don't know, even read stories or something. You know, maybe you can have like a a Christmas cookie baking thing and, you know, just have some people come. 

Heidi Gerard 53:50
I like that. 

Wendy Beck 53:51
Help. You know, it's just. It's just could be so fun. I feel like, you know, even in the chaos, you have the opportunity to, like, you know, have those family dinners and have those those memories that they they need. And and without houses like yours, that just might not happen otherwise for them. 

Rich Bennett 54:12
This will be the first Christmas right at the house. 

Heidi Gerard 54:17
We do have apartments. We also have a pregnant resident who's going to have a baby in tember. So I would love to do a baby shower for her. We have ideas. We just when I don't think we're like we're established. But I don't we're not established established enough to do a big I mean, I don't know. I should know how this works because I've been doing fundraisers or I've been doing fund raising for the past six years for other organizations. But I, I think just right now it's I just need more support. I think that's. 

Wendy Beck 54:47
Yeah. And you said that because, you know, being an executive director of a nonprofit organization, you're not working on one thing at a time. You're working on 15 things, 20 things at a time. And you do need you need strong people in the community to step in and help you because you know you can't do it all and you shouldn't have to. 

Heidi Gerard 55:07
Yes. 

Rich Bennett 55:08
Heidi tell everybody the website and how they you know, so they can go make donations, volunteer and everything and find out more. 

Heidi Gerard 55:18
It's chrysanthemums. Or you want me to sell it? I always ask. 

Rich Bennett 55:24
Because I don't know how. 

Heidi Gerard 55:27
S c s r y s a and 

chem0m. S ford. I would say it's Chris and the moms, but not end and. 

Rich Bennett 55:44
Yeah, but not Chris with the I. 

Heidi Gerard 55:47
Why? Oh, yeah, there's that. 

Rich Bennett 55:50
Everybody even more. I had the. 

Wendy Beck 55:53
I think you'll put it in the show notes. Right. Okay. 

Rich Bennett 55:57
Without a doubt. 

Heidi Gerard 55:59
There is a link at the bottom of the page that you can do a donation. And then there's also in the contact, there's like, drop us a line if you if you want to volunteer, if you have any questions or anything like that. 

Wendy Beck 56:12
Well, we wish you all the luck in the world, and I know that I'm going to see you around all the time. And, you know, I look forward to to hearing all of your success stories. And and I know you're going to get there. 

Rich Bennett 56:26
You know, I think you're going to end up seeing me a few times a year. Two. 

Heidi Gerard 56:29
Oh, good. I hope so. 

Wendy Beck 56:31
Maybe put that in the rotation for Christmas time. 

Rich Bennett 56:36
Who? What? 

Wendy Beck 56:37
Santa. 

Rich Bennett 56:38
I don't know what you're talking. 

Wendy Beck 56:40
Oh. 

Rich Bennett 56:40
That guy. 

Heidi Gerard 56:41
Oh, my gosh. Really? Oh. 

Rich Bennett 56:44
We'll talk about that after we're finished. Heidi, thanks so much. 

Heidi Gerard 56:48
Of course. Thank you for having me. So I give a quick shout out to my girls. I love my girls and the Lily house and I want to tell them how proud I am of them. 

Rich Bennett 56:58
You want to name or not? No. Just say the girls at the Lilly house. 

Heidi Gerard 57:03
I'll keep your 

anonymity. But I am proud of them. Yes. 

Wendy Beck 57:09
No. 

Heidi Gerard 57:10
Thanks, guys. 

Wendy Beck 57:11
Thank you.