Hello, and welcome to bedtime stories with me. ARAT well, we've had a very dramatic time here at bedtime stories, HQ, uh, that my, my street flooded last night. We've had a lot of rain. Um, so as I'm sitting here recording this podcast, I can hear the sound of heavy machinery and chainsaws in the distance as the council and the emergency services. Try to get the roads clear again. You can also probably hear my voices pretty off. I'm a bit sick. So if you're wondering why I sound funny, that's why, and I haven't even started doing had accents yet. All right. The other thing I wanna address before we start is I've had a lot of messages from people who say they miss nanny Piggins because I've been doing the pesky kids for a couple of weeks now. And I totally understand that no one loves nanny Piggins more than me. Um, I will remind you that I have written nine nanny Piggins books and there's two nanny pickins audio books, all of which you can order and buy. So if you want more nanny pickins, you can do that. Um, I can't record all the nanny pickins books on the podcast. I just can't. Um, I know you're all kids out there and you probably haven't thought about this, but, um, selling books and audiobook is how I make my living and how I pay the mortgage. And I support my family. So I do have to keep doing that. I have been doing the podcast for free because I love to tell stories and I've really enjoyed it. So most of the stories I've written, especially for the podcast. And my publisher has graciously given me permission to do some specific stories, but, um, like, like me, my publisher has to keep making money. So, uh, nanny pickins is quite the powerhouse for them and me financially. So I can't just give away endless nanny pickins published content, but they have said I can do the pesky kids. So let's stick with that. Um, I'm gonna get into it today with chapter six. Uh, where did we get up to last time? Well, the kids, April fin and Joe, they had just started school. So this is chapter six, not fitting in Joe, April and fin loaded outside the admin building consulting their new timetables. Well, Joe and fin did April screwed her paperwork up into a ball and used it to play fetch with pumpkin. We've got PE down on the football field, said Finn, Ugh said, April, let's skip it. You can't skip your first lesson on your first day said, Joe, Of course we can exclaim April. We can pretend we couldn't find it. How could we not find a football Orfield asked fin it's pretty big and distinctive looking plus, I can see it from here. I've got PE next period. But I've got maths now said, Joe, he looked like he wanted to cry. He didn't like maths. It's not too late. Said April, you can make a run for it. I'll get pumpkin to create a diversion for you. Yeah, you could homeschool yourself, said fit. You'd like that. Reading books all day and not talking to anyone, Joe noded, but there'd be so much fus. Joe hated fuss even more than he hated talking to people. Usually because fuss involved a lot of long and intense bouts of talking to people. He TruD off towards the math block, April and Finn AMD in the other direction, there were 30 students already milling about on the corner of the football field, nearest the PE teacher's office. April stood on the bank, above the field, hands on her hips surveying her new classmates like an emperor vein. His kingdom. Pumpkin sat at her heels growling as if waiting for April to signal, which one to attack. First Finn stuck his hands in his pockets, hunched his shoulders and tried to squeeze himself in so that he would appear insignificant and unthreatening. Basically as little like April as possible come onset April 19, Finn she'd ever had enough of trying to stare down her peers. Let's get this over with. Let's make our first impression. You know, you could always try smiling and being nice to people said, fin Curring. Along behind her, she stro down the bank, ha scoffed April. Then they think I was weak. People like weak. People said, fin, they make good friends. I don't need to suck up to. Anyone said April, I'll just use my normal charm. And they'll be eating out of my hand. In five minutes, we are doomed muddied fin, April Sid, up and stood next to the rest of the class. Everyone was looking at her, which fin found mildly relieving. At least his plan to go unnoticed was working April stared back at her classmates. Her stare was so intense. It was as if she was Superman, trying to burn a hole in a solid steel wall with her eyes. Several children looked away as she locked her gaze on them. One brave boy spoke. You are wearing the wrong uniform. He said he was a skinny boy with a lot of freckles, but apparently had courage disproportional to his size says, who asked April menacingly? He just asked at the boy it's the wrong uniform. He gestured to his own uniform. He was wearing a polo shirt and elasticated shorts, which matched what everyone else was wearing. April and Finn was still in their button down shirts, leather shoes. And in April's case, the despised skirt, who are you asked April taking a step closer and glaring into the boy's face. The uniform police. My name's Darren answered Darren. Literally, you can't run around in the regular uniform. Why not demanded April poking the boy in the chest with her four finger. I can do what I like Finn Winston. There was gonna be a fight or April would taunt the point until he started crying either way. This was not a good first impression, but when we do Cartwheel and handstands, everyone will see your undies said, Darren, the rest of the class burst out laughing. The tension had been broken. Finn laughed nervously too. He wanted to be part of the group. April's face went bright red. She looked like she was considering fighting everyone. Why do you have a dog here at school? Asked a blonde girl with pigtails. An unusual look for anyone over the age of five. She had the air of a goody two shoes about her. So I don't have to bite you myself. Threatened April. I've got three catalogs at home called out another boy. They'd use your dog as a chew toy. The class laughed again louder this time. Nice one Kern said Darren, giving the boy a high five April's face screwed up with age Finn. Would've grabbed her arm to restrain her, but he didn't wanna get his arm broken. Get him. She whispered a pumpkin and her dog took off like a rocket pumpkin leap straight for Kirin's groin. Kirin jumped back just in time and took off running with pumpkin clothes on his heels. Now April laughed. That's enough called a man with a thick accent. The class fell silent. The man was wearing a bright red tracksuit. So either he had terrible dress sense or he was their PE teacher. We've got new kids. The pigtail girl called out and they're not wearing the sport uniform added Darren Diba. Dober Sneed, April. It's just a fact said, Darren. It's just a fact that I'm gonna rearrange your face at break time said April I'm busy at break time said Darren that's when we all play bowls, huh? April was getting increasingly confused. The teacher walked over. He had thick dark hair and a muscles physique. I'm Mr. Popoff. You have heard of me. He said it was unclear from his tone. This was a statement or a question. He had a strange way of speaking in staccato, half sentences that were grammatically muddled as if he were following a pattern from his first language. No said April rudely. I was boxing jumpin in my own country said Mr. Popov, I don't approve of boxing, said April too many brain injuries. I prefer rest Mr. Popoff cloud. Since these students do not bring correct uniform, no sport for anyone today, we do theory the rest of the class. Groaned. That's not fair said Finn. We didn't know we were gonna have PE today. You bring pencils didn't you you'll bring paper said, Mr. Popoff because you know, you'll be having maths and English, but always no for sport, always complete surprise. You have sport. It's our first day said fin, and you had no sport at your old school as Mr. Popoff. April was looking at her school bag. Actually, we don't have pencils or paper either. We came equally unprepared for all a lessons. Mr. Popoff stared at April in my country. Children do not answer back to teachers. Well, country is that exactly asked April suspiciously. Mr. Popoff paused and colored slightly. None of your business. You'll be quiet. Now. He said, I will discuss your attitude with Mr. Lang. When I see him, everyone into the classroom, the class grown again. Mr. Popov, March into the room next to the office. The students struggled in after him. Thanks a lot. Newbie whispered the pigtail girl. As she walked past most of the rest of the class, Ted themselves with Mely glaring, menacingly, April Lynn closed a fin. He instinctively flinched away, but she just whispered to him. I bet he's a collective agent who asked Finn in alarm, Mr. Popoff. He says he's a boxing champions at April. Why would anyone good at anything? Want to work here? Pumpkin trotted back and proudly dropped a swatch of clothing at April's feet. It looked a lot like the crotch from a pair of boys, gym shorts. There was no sign of Kirin, good dogs at April, pat pumpkin on the head inside the classroom, the students were getting out their pens and paper. Mr. Popoff had insisted that April type pumpkin up outside. She didn't have a leash. So she'd had to make an improv one out of shoelaces, not her own. Of course she'd forced fin to give her hiss. Today we learn about interval training said, Mr. Popov, everyone get out your cockroaches. All the other students started riffling through their bags, pulling out shoe boxes, jam jars and Tupperware containers. Did he say cockroaches asked April fin shrugged. He was as baffled as her today. You'll develop a program to increase the cardiovascular capability of your crutches at Mr. Popov, the goody two shoes, pigtail girl put up her hand. Yes. What is it? Matilda asked Mr. Popov. The new kids don't have cockroaches said Matilda. Everyone looked at Finn in April. What? What demand Mr. Popoff no uniforms, no pens and no, no cockroaches. Come on. Explain April. You can't have expected us to know we needed cockroaches, but the race is on this Saturday at Matilda, the other students started muttering to themselves. We're not entering the race at Finn. There were several gasps of shock. Mr. Pop off side, fine. You sit at the back. Observe what everyone else is doing. Just know getting in the way aren't we supposed to be learning about our physical education, not the physical education of cockroaches asked April. It's a no said to pop off you apply what you learned, training the cockroaches to your own training. I'm pretty sure that's not in the standardized curriculum said April. Well, it's in my curriculum said, Mr. Popoff go to the back of the class, April and fin watched. As the other students broke up into small groups and started running their cockroaches through short exercises. It was all very peculiar. One group encouraged a cockroach to run up the tube of a vacuum cleaner by Lu it with a piece of old toast. Another put their cockroach in a clear plastic ham ball then rolled it around on the floor. And yet another group had a tiny cockroach sized treadmill made out of a hand cranked kitchen, whisk they're all bombing mud at April. Nutty is fruitcakes agreed fi but please stop telling them that we're never gonna make friends. If you're not nice to people, I don't wanna be friends with a bunch of cockroach. Lover said April. I don't see why we can't go home to the city because we'll be killed or kidnapped by collective agents stated, fin sounds less painful than sitting here watching this grumble April at their old school, there was no way the students would've cared about cockroach racing. There were all too busy being carted around a myriad of after school activities. And if there was ever any free time between the yoga Brazilian jujitsu and macrame lessons, they would've spent it staring at an electronic device, playing a game or bullying someone on social media. The most blood thirsty computer game of all. There is no way they would've spent a split. Second looking for catching training and insect, let alone a disgusting, great big brown one after half an hour of experimenting, Mr. Popoff called his class to order, right? We test your work. Bring your to the front. Mr. Popoff rolled out a round mat. That was two meters in diameter. Then he produced a large dish with a, is that the lid off a walk asked April du ed Matilda. It's a replica of the official cockroach race, ceremonial shield. We're trying to copy race conditions. All competitors under the shield said, Mr. Popov, he raised one edge and the students tucked the cockroaches underneath. All right on the counter
Speaker 2:3, 1, 2, 3.
Speaker 1:He whipped back. The lid revealed 10 cockroaches. None of them moved. The students all stared at the cockroaches intently. I can see why everyone finds this such an exciting sport at April sarcastically. Shh said several people around her. We're all just standing here staring at insects at April. Why should I shush? She looked around. Everyone was watching the cockroaches. Some people seemed to be praying. Others rocked anxiously and Matilda fiddled nervously. With her hand, you'll spoke. The cockroaches whispered Darren police said April, but she was soon interrupted. Our cockroach had started to move there off cry. Darren, the rest of the class started screaming too. Cries off. Come on, you can do it and run. Please run echo around the room. It was all over in about two seconds. One cockroach made a start paused. Then a lightning speed scored straight for the outer ring. She did it. Explain Matilda swooping forward and snatching up her cockroach. She fumbled it into a Tupper container so quickly that she momentarily got her sleeve caught in the lid. My Bertha was the fastest. Congratulations said, Mr. Popoff April snorted. Don't congratulate her. She said she just cheated. How dare you explain Matilda. I dare because I'm 100% correct. Said April, you cheated April, please don't do this said Finn, that cockroach. Isn't the one that crossed the line said April pointing the little Roach S scarring about inside the tableware. Matilda swapped it out. I saw her. She has another one up her sleeve. That's ridiculous said Mr. Popoff. This is just a class exercise. There's no motive to cheat. There is. If you wanna practice cheating for the big race on Saturday argued, April. People were starting to look less contemptuously at April and more contemptuously at Matilda. Now she's making it up, accused Matilda. She's new and she's got no friends. She's got no proof, but the proof is right there up your sleeve said, April, the original cockroach must still be in there. I saw you hide something up your calf. I did not said Matilda will soon see said April. And with that, she finally got to do something fizz in physical education. She lept on Matilda. All the other students stepped out of the way. So April had no trouble getting hold of her. Matilda tried to fight her off, but April had a firm grip of her cuff. Eventually both girls pulled so hard. The entire sleeve tore off in April's hand. What have we got here? Said April looking inside. Aha. She pulled out a small plastic tube, the type vitamin tablets come in and removed the lid. A cozy little bedroom for a cockroach. April shook it out. The cockroach and a small push button fell into her hand. Hey, that's not a normal cockroach said Darren everything's abnormal here. And Kara won said I April, no there's something not right about it said, Adam mesh a stocky boy whose cockroach had come second in the race. Give me a look said, Finn. He picked up the cockroach. It's not a cockroach at all. He cried. It's a robot. There were gasp from the rest of the class look said, Finn, you can see the metal hinges on the legs. And right there is the cover battery. And that button is the remote control. She used to operate. It's said April Matilda burst into tears. I'm so sorry. I just really wanted to win. We all wanna win said anes with her inly. But my dad won and his dad won and his mom won and her cousin won well, Matilda. The there's so much pressure to maintain the family tradition. What were they all cheats to asked April? I can't be the first person in my family to lose the cockroach races since great uncle Waldo weld, Matilda. He's 81 and he's never lived it down. It's haunted him his whole life. That's enough snapped. Mr. Popoff just then the bell rang. It was the end of class. Go on, get out. All of you. I hope you learned something. I didn't learn much said April, but to be fair, I learn more than I usually do in PE and that's the end of the chapter. So we'll leave it there until next time. Goodbye.