Todd V: [00:00:00] One thing that's very useful to have in an online dating profile is what you are and are not looking for in girls. And again, a guy putting what he doesn't want in a girl, what does that say about his value? Right? What kind of guy is abundant enough to say, "I'm not looking for this type of girl." As opposed to, "I'll take any girl I can get, because I'm not getting any matches anyway." Right? You want to be the guy that's conveying that you are already getting some kind of match and some kind of hits.
Hey guys, welcome back. We've got some great questions for this episode, specifically related to online dating so, I'm gonna the dive right into them. But one quick thing first, which is we do have a brand new texting and messaging guide for online dating. If you want to check it out, it's completely free. It's at ToddVDating.com/textguide, that should be the URL. If it's not, then you'll see it in the description somewhere. But I believe that's the URL. We're going to have it out. We just made it. We're just putting it live. Brand new, hot off the presses, and amazing so, check it out.
All right. With that said, let's get into this week's questions.
First question, which I absolutely love, from Jack is, "Can you convey high status in your bio while being goofy? Or, does goofy equal low status?" All right. Thank you, Jack. That is an excellent question.
And it is kind of funny when it comes to online dating bios because the Cardinal sin, the thing you want to avoid more than anything else is being born. Right? And so, if you do go the route of being goofy, you have at least achieved not being boring. Or, at least, you've achieved being unique and not just fitting in with every other guy. So, to an extent, being goofy actually could, it makes sense, could help you stand out and could actually be a decent strategy in online dating.
However, you make a good point, which is that being goofy does have a tendency to oftentimes be low value. So, how do you reconcile these factors? What can you do in an online dating bio? And I want to make a couple of distinctions here.
The first distinction I want to make is between being goofy and being funny, right? And the second one I want to make is between being intentionally goofy and unintentionally goofy. But, let's talk about goofy versus funny first off.
So, what is goofy? To me, goofy is a couple of different things. Either when you're being goofy for attention, like, you're trying to be funny because you feel, or you're conveying that without doing that thing, you wouldn't be getting attention. I.E., you're not used to getting attention. And so, you're seeking attention whatever way you can. It's a little bit like the child who, in order to get attention from his parents, is misbehaving because, you know, negative attention, it may not be positive attention, but it's better than no attention.
And, what does this convey? This tends to convey low value obviously. Also, the nature of certain jokes will tend to be goofy-funny versus high-value-attractive-funny. And one of the biggest examples of this that I want to point out is self-deprecating humor. There are a lot of people that are very funny. In fact, many stand-up comedians who actually, it's actually quite comical, you know, it's a funny word to use, but it's quite comical how little success they have with women. Even as they become relatively well-known, even marginally famous. And, what's the reason? It's because they actually are self-deprecating in their comedic style. And so, while they do make people laugh, people are thinking "Ha ha, that guy's funny." Or, "Ha ha, what a loser." Or, something like that on stage in a funny way. But they're not thinking, "What an amazing guy." Or, "How hot is that guy?"
So, for example, I don't know if this is the absolute best example. I'm not super familiar with all the most recent standup comedians, unfortunately. But one guy who comes to mind in this regard would be, maybe a guy like a Ray Romano type comedian, where he is very, like, kind of making fun of his own, like, how whipped he is by his wife. Or, like how, you know, the girl is always right, and he's always such an idiot, or something like that.
That sort of way of coming across is certainly not going to help you in terms of appearing attractive and in terms of getting dates, having sex, that kind of stuff. Now, if you're as famous as Ray Romano as where you have your own TV show, you'll probably still do okay. But, you're not going to do as well as you would if you were a more high-value character that was equally funnier, equally successful, et cetera. And certainly, if you are anything less than famous and well-known, this self-deprecating nature is certainly going to hurt you.
Like, for example, imagine you're just a random comedian touring clubs and not very well known. You can imagine certain comedians who are self-deprecating. They get on stage, they get their laughs, they get off, no girls pay attention to them. Whereas other comedians who are a little bit more, they have more attractive qualities in their act, I'll get into examples of that or an example of that, at least, in a moment, but they will tend to do better while they're touring the clubs. And when they're not relying on fame as their source of value, when they're relying on their actual personality as value.
Some examples that come to mind of more high value comedians off the top of my head. Dane Cook, for example. I know he used to be like big deal, you know, maybe a decade or so ago. He's not quite as popular nowadays, but he was a comedian who was definitely very high value in how he conveyed himself. And it's no coincidence that he actually ended up playing, you know, ended up becoming an actor, and worked in that role, and actually ended up being kind of a cocky asshole, good with the ladies kind of guy in the roles that he played as an actor. Right? Why? Because, you know, it made sense. It made sense for this persona that he could play attractive guys.
Contrast that to, I think it's, I don't remember the name of the guy. I think it's Kevin Hart, I'm not sure. But the white guy in Hitch, right? The guy who's being coached in the movie Hitch, that's more of like, the self-deprecating guy. And what role does he play when he makes it in movies? He gets to play the role of the guy who needs help with his dating life, right? It'd be hard to imagine Dane Cook being the guy who needs help with his dating life, because the nature of how he's conveying himself does come across as more of a high value guy.
So, there is high value humor and low value humor. And a lot of that is going to have to do with self-deprecation. Well, that's also going to have to do with the frames you're taking and the nature of the humor you're using. So, in an online bio specifically, humor is good. Humor definitely helps you stand out. But self-deprecating humor, not so good.
Also, like, overly goofy humor or particularly like, super nerdy or geeky type humor doesn't really work so well. I had a student on my-I was doing online dating coaching with, and he had his initial bio before I had coached him at all. He had a thing where, he was a computer science guy, and the joke was something like, "Why do engineers confuse Halloween with Christmas?" And then, the answer was like, "Because DEC 25 equals OCT 31." And that's some kind of, somehow, some kind of a joke on like, different bases of counting systems. And, 31 in one base-counting system is equivalent to 25 in another base-counting system.
And I'm an engineer, and I could, I understood that was probably something along the lines of who he is doing it with that joke, but I didn't get the joke. And, I'm a pretty mathematical smart guy. So you can imagine, the average girl on Tinder is like, "What the fuck is this?" Right? And all she's getting out of it is, one, it's a joke he's going to have to explain. And then, two, it's definitely a joke that's saying this guy is extremely, extremely nerdy, geeky, whatever.
Now, is there anything wrong with being nerdy and geeky? It's a little off topic, we're talking about goofy. But is there anything wrong with being nerdy and geeky? Absolutely not, if you're already a high value guy. If you're a high value guy who's a little bit nerdy and geeky, it's actually awesome.
So if you're high value, and unattainable, and the girl's already attracted, and then she finds out that you're a captain of your chess team, cool. So much better. It rounds out your personality and makes you even cooler. However, if the first thing you lead with was, "I was captain of my chess team," and she doesn't know anything else about you, she's automatically stereotyping you in a way that's going to associate you with a lot of guys who didn't have success with women. And you're going to have a little bit of a hole to dig yourself out of.
So, be very careful of those kinds of frames as well. Right? So, humor is good. Humor is good for getting attention. However, humor does not per se equate fully to attraction. So, I changed that up the way I was saying it. So, humor actually is also a little bit attractive as well. Okay. So, humor gets you attention, humor is a little bit attractive, but what's really attractive is your frame. Okay. All the little game techniques, all the humor, all the things you do to get attention are useful, mostly just for their ability to allow you to establish the proper frame. Your goal is to get attention and then use that attention to establish the proper frame. So, if the means you're using to get attention is already establishing an improper frame, or a negative frame, or a useless frame, or something like that, you're working against yourself, yourself sabotaging.
Okay. So, attention is good, humor per se is a little bit good, but the most important thing is frame. Now, so what kinds of humor are good in dating profiles? What kind of humor do you want to convey? Well, one thing that can kind of work is anything like, dark or ironic humor, like, where you are kind of, maybe a little bit cynical. Right?
That kind of like elitist, cynical humor can work really, really well. Other thing that can work really well is if you have humor about frames that also convey value. Right? So, for example, let's say you have humor about the way girls act when they get desperate. Now, who would, one, be brazen enough to mention that in online dating profile? And two, who would, what kind of guy would have an intimate knowledge of the types of silly, or funny, or stupid things girls do when they are acting desperate towards them would be a guy that has social proof, who's had success with girls before. So, that kind of stuff works really, really well.
Or, let's say you're being ironic and dismissive about the typical, very like, you know, like the T H O T. Not a word or phrase I use a lot, but it gets the message across. Right? About the very typical, stereotypical, ditzy, lame, whatever, the every girl, so to speak. If you make a joke about that, again, what does it convey? It conveys, one, you have a good sense of humor. Two, it conveys you're willing to be polarizing. And three, it conveys that you know some of those typical girl traits.
So, there's an assumption that maybe you have some experience with girls. Maybe you have enough experience with girls that that very, you know, boring every girl kind of trait is it's become annoying to you. Right? You've gotten past just wanting any and everything.
Another way that humor can be really, really good is if humor is used as a disqualifier. So, one thing that's very useful to have in an online dating profile is what you are and are not looking for in girls. And again, a guy putting what he doesn't want in a girl, what does that say about his value? Right? What kind of guy is abundant enough to say, "I'm not looking for this type of girl." As opposed to, "I'll take any girl I can get, because I'm not getting any matches anyway." Right? You want to be the guy that's conveying that you are already getting some kind of match and some kind of hits.
But if you just say, like, "I'm not looking for girls who are stupid." That's, one, very mean, right? It's very actually negative and mean. And two, it's not funny, or interesting, or whatever. It just seems bitter, right? On the other hand, if you get a little more specific and humorous, this isn't going to be the funniest thing in the world. But, if you take, like, "I don't want a girl who's dumb," and you maybe make that into like, "Please have read something in the last five years other than US weekly." Right?
So, that's a little more specific. It's not quite humorous really, but it's along the lines of humor cause it's a specific example. It's a little more of a punchline, than "don't be dumb," for example. Right? Or, I'm trying to think of, like, it's always hard to come with specifics on the spot. But if you're saying something like, if you think an "X" is something that it's completely not, right?
Like, if you make a joke about a girl not knowing, you know, the meaning of the word, ambitious, or not knowing, or, you know, not even knowing, you know, what a computer is or something like that. Right? Something along those lines where it's specific and it has a bit of a punchline could actually work in terms of the way you're conveying yourself. Because, you're showing having standards, you're showing a positive frame, but at the same time, you have a very, very specific punchline.
Or, if you have like an incisive observation, that's a little bit cynical and humorous. Like, I had one in a profile once where it said something about like, not being too politically correct to be good in bed. Right? So, it's a little bit edgy, a little bit controversial, but it conjures this image of someone, like, trying to be all like, prissy and proper in bed, which is it's, you know, comedic and silly in a way as well. Right?
So, is it laugh out loud, funny? Absolutely not. Am I a professional trained comedian? No. But is it more interesting and comedic than other ways I could have phrased that? Yes. And that type of like, just subtle, like, nod to having a punchline, nod to specificity in your profile can be very, very useful as well.
And in fact, with your profile, unless you are a professional stand-up comedian, you should not try to be laugh out loud funny anyway. You want to be more the sort of like, high value, edgy, bordering on funny, rather than, "I'm trying to get a laugh." Right? And, that's one of the things that fundamentally, looking at maybe stand up comedians and where they are attractive or where they're not attractive is that, say you're onstage and you're a standup comedian, you are trying to get a laugh every thirty seconds. You're automatically pandering a little bit to the audience. You're automatically bending over backwards to get the laughs and trying to have extra punchlines.
What you'd actually do, like, in a normal context, if you have the time, that would be more high value would be, instead of trying to get a laugh every thirty seconds, you actually just be yourself and you get a really good laugh every five minutes without seeming try-hard or seeming like effortless. That's actually a more high value scenario.
Now, obviously, standup comedians can't do that because they're entertainers, but that's what you're really going for, kind of metaphorically, in terms of conveying high value. And in your profile, instead of trying to have joke, after joke, after joke, have one or two little ironic things that are also high value, and that's enough. Okay. You've done enough to set yourself apart. You've done enough to get attention. And remember, attention and setting yourself apart is only good to the extent that it's going to help you convey a good positive frame and convey yourself in the best light. If it's doing the opposite, it's going to be a net negative rather than a net positive.
So, we've talked a little bit about the frame around your humor. And so,I want to talk about one concept that I think is a very good, but often misapplied or overused concept, which is the concept of cocky funny.
Cocky funny is a term, an idea near and dear to my heart because around, I think, 2002, I first encountered this concept from a man named, David D'Angelo and his materials. And, it was a game changer for me in terms of game. A game changer in game, that's great.
Anyway, so the point was up until then, I had gotten attraction or achieve value or whatever by accident. Right? Sometimes, I'd said something witty. Sometimes, I stumbled into it. Sometimes, the girl had just like, you know, created a particular narrative about me. But implementing cocky and funny, right? The idea of being sort of like, arrogant in an exaggerated way or arrogance in an in-your-face kind of a way allowed me that cockiness to put out there kind of a polarizing frame, allowed me to generate shit tests, allowed me to assume a high value role. And then, let the girl either knock me off the pedal or not, as opposed to just happening along and hoping that I got put there.
So, cocky funny, you know, has a near and dear place in my heart. However, since 2002, having coached guys for many, many years and seeing guys who kind of vaguely got the idea of cocky and funny, but not really, I've seen guys misapply it in some really, really awful ways. And so, I want to talk about cocky and funny, when it's good, when it's not good, what it's good for, and what it's not good for.
So, first of all, cocky and funny, it's kind of a leveling behavior. Okay. It's kind of a leveling behavior. So, by the nature of being a leveling behavior, it has some good elements. If you are confident enough or ballsy enough even to just say something cocky funny, you're automatically saying you're not in that lower tier of guy that's so meek, and shy, and timid that he would never stand out, never putting attention on himself. So, you're automatically conveying yourself as not a, like one, two, or three as a guy. Right? You're not the most super wallflowery low value guy.
And because your frame is good, if you're doing it well, that frame, aside from the cocky funny format, that frame is already conveying you as a higher than average value guy as well. So, there's a lot of good things about being cocky funny. The problem with being cocky funny though is it's very blatant. It's very obvious. It's very much like, it's a bull in a China shop, right?
It's something, the girl knows something just happened in the conversation. It's not like, "Oh, smoothly, without even understanding what's happening, I'm feeling myself more and more aroused, and intrigued, and raptured by this guy." It's like, "No, this guy just did something." He just did this overt kind of gamey move or this overt frame move. And the girl is, again, gonna notice that. And so, this will work up to a certain level or caliber of girl where the positives, i.e., the ballsiness, the frame, the ability to hopefully handle the shit test afterwards are enough to set you apart. So, it'll work really well with your sixes, your sevens your eights, something like that.
Once you get to the girls that are more nine, and ten, and whatnot, they're a little more sophisticated in terms of their standards for men. They've had guys who have a decent enough game throwing themselves at them for a very, very long time. They're more used to chasing guys cause they're going after the absolute, highest value of guys.
Once you start getting to that caliber, anything that is a very blatant, obvious game move, like a clear, like, cocky, funny line, it doesn't work so well. Right? So, for example, here's one that I learned from an early mentor that is like good to a point, but a little bit brazen and not really the best deep down.
And so, the line is, the girl says something, like, gives you some kind of compliment on a clothing item or something like that. "Hey, I like your shirt." "I like your hat." Something like that, right? And the response is, "No, you don't. You're attracted to me." Right? Now, it has a good frame, right? The idea that the girl is attracted to you, and you can certainly deliver it better. I said it more in like, kind of like, an obnoxious way. You'd be like, "No, you don't. You're attracted to me." That would be a better delivery of it, which would be a little bit less leveling.
But the point is, it's a very clear moment in the interaction. It's very clear she had like a frame, and she was even giving you a compliment. And then, you decided to like, overtly, like, very obviously, very clear, be like, "No." I am deciding how this will be perceived, and it's very jarring. It does have a good frame to it. It is cocky in some of the right ways, it's arrogant in some of the right ways, and it's probably relatively accurate too. Because, if she is giving a compliment, she probably does already like you. So, it may work for that reason as well.
Not because it was the greatest line, but because it's an okay enough line, and it's being used on a girl who's already shown some interest. So, it's very easy to think that this is a brilliant line because when it works, it might work in a big way. But it is, again, very, very obvious. It's clear that something just happened in the conversation. What I noticed as I used this a few times and it kind of worked early on, but then what it would do is even when it worked, it would be this jarring thing where the girl would bring it up later and be like, "I kind of didn't like that you said that."
Even though it had worked, the girl would explicitly know she didn't like it. Right? Even though it had worked. And, it had worked. I'm not like, faking that it worked. I'm not like, lying to myself and thinking it worked. It had worked. I had gotten a response, I had gotten a date with this girl, et cetera. But it still kind of hung in the air and hung over the interaction as this thing that seemed artificial and not right.
And then, when I started getting to a higher and higher level in game and I started dealing with higher and higher caliber girls, I noticed girls would actually just blatantly get turned off by it. The light in their eyes would just go dim when I would say a line like that. Because it was, in fact, a leveling line because it was a little too over the top. Okay.
So, the sort of takeaway for cocky and funny is this, if the girl, if it's blatant enough and obvious enough, the girl knows that you were just cocky funny, it's only good to a point. It's a leveling behavior, it might work with a six, a seven, or an eight. Right? But what you're really looking for with the highest level and the highest value of girl is where they're subconsciously, emotionally aware something shifted, but they can't put their finger on it exactly. They can't say that line and made it happen, or that was a thing he did. Right? It should be a subtle shift, a subtle perception as opposed to a blatant in-your-face, you know, anvil falls out of the sky like in a cartoon kind of a thing.
Okay. So, you need that subtlety to be truly, truly high value. And same thing with online profiles, so if you're very cocky, funny in your profile, that can definitely work to a point and it will get you matches. It will set you apart from other guys. However, if you can be cocky in a way that seems like you're being cocky by accident instead of on purpose, or like, you're just so high value that you're almost trying to be modest and it just came out as cocky without any effort on your part, that's going to be the better way to go.
And, I'll give you an example. This is a live game example, I may have used this somewhere before. If you've heard it before, excuse me for it. But I think it is an example that just opened my eyes in a way. And I was like, "Wow, that was deliciously good." So, it was when I was with a student of mine actually, but the student was, while his game skills, his convergent skills and certain things in game needed work, his life value skills were on point. Like, he had just come from a background where he couldn't help but be considered a high value guy specifically because he had a net worth that probably had, how many zeros is that? Nine zeros behind it. Okay. So, it's a lot of fucking zeros. All right? Or, at least his family did. So, he came from from some level of wealth, and sophistication, and class, and whatnot. And then, he was also a British on top of it, which didn't hurt in the United States.
So anyway, we're in this high-end store in Beverly Hills, or actually, technically... Yeah, it was Hollywood, Beverly Hills. Somewhere on that border. Anyway, tough to say. Beverly center, wherever the fuck that is. Whatever city you want to put Beverly center in LA, and that's where we were. So anyway, he's talking to this guy, like a high-end shop, and he's not like, hitting on the guy or whatever, we're just taking a quick break from our actual gaming and he just went into the shops. He wanted to buy something.
But the guy, you know, just noticed he had an accent, asked him about where he was, and where he lived in England. And then, the high-end shopkeeper guy who was a pretty sophisticated, pretty high value guy in his own right, and definitely used to talking to a lot of high value guys in the shop as well kind of mentioned, you know, just conversation, that he'd been to England recently. My client, you know, asked him where he'd been. And he said basically, one of the absolute, nicest parts of London.
Like one of, where he'd been staying in like some part of like, Chelsea, or Mayfair, or something like that, that was super, super nice, super, super posh. But it was like the second nicest part, not the nicest part. And my student, without even thinking, without even really looking up as he is browsing and says, "Oh, you know, nobody's perfect. Right?" And almost like not in a mean way, not in even a joking way, but just in a like, "Oh, you know, you'll get there one day," kind of way. Right? But super subtle, super unintentional, and meaning it in a nice and encouraging way, but just saying in a very subtle way, "You haven't quite made it yet, dear old boy." Right?
And it was so subtle and so unintentional, you wouldn't even think to say it. Right? It could not have even been intentional. It had to come from an honest place because of the spontaneity of it, because of the delivery of it, et cetera.
So, while you may consider that elitist, you may consider that dickish, whatever. The point is, his delivery on it and the thought of saying something like that in that context could only come from someone who had years, and years, and years of high value, and their status and position in life being pounded into them to the point that it was no longer a question on any level.
That's what you'd ideally like to be conveying, but in the man to woman sense. You'd like to be conveying that you are the guy who's had so much good feedback from women, so many girls chasing him that it's just kind of old to him, not in a bitter way, not in a negative way, but in a way that it's just kind of amusing and boring.
And that when you mention it, you're not trying to be noticed for it because it's so obvious you wouldn't even try to be noticed. It's just a fact, okay. That's what we're really going for. And that's in stark contrast to this very like, "That's because you think I'm attractive," type of cocky funny. So, I do want to point that out that cocky funny is the right idea, but it really does need to be subtle at a high level to be really optimal.
Okay. So, hopefully that answers your question about goofiness, humor. Oh, yeah. Final thing. Intentional versus unintentional goofiness. So, unintentional goofiness is when you come off like a goofy person. Intentional goofiness is if you are so clearly high value that you're doing something goofy just to purely clown around. It's sort of the moral equivalent to what I said before. If you're already a high value guy, and then you say, "Oh, and I was captain of my chess team." As opposed to leading with being captain of your chess team. So, that's the difference as well.
And so, if you are so clearly high value, you're getting such clear reactions and such clear positives, and then you throw in a goofy thing just to like, amuse yourself, or even to like, throw her off and even joke around with her because she knows you're not goofy, and it's almost going to toy with her, that could potentially work. But there's a big difference between being perceived as goofy as a person versus being perceived as someone who just did something goofy to amuse himself when they absolutely, goofy's not a coping strategy for you. Goofy is not the only way to live in life, you know how to live in life.
You've shown that you're capable of crushing life without being goofy, and it's just something you clearly overtly chose to do. That is also an important distinction as well. So, hopefully, that rounds out the answer of what humor is good, to what extent is humor good, what is high value, low value humor, and what are the pros and cons of being goofy. So, it's a lot on one topic, but hopefully you like it.
Next question is one that when I first read it, I was like, "Nah, that's not a good question." And then, I thought about it and actually on a deep level, there are some things worth mentioning. There are some really important subtleties. So, we're going to get into it for those of you who want to get like, you know, high level advanced game, this could be a useful one. Right.
So, the question is, "What are some ways to get to know a girl's a blueprint through online messaging as opposed to in-person where it's way easier?" And this is from initials, H N. So, thank you, initials H N for the question.
Okay. So, getting to know a girl's blueprints through messaging, et cetera, as opposed to getting into the girl's blueprint in person. The reason why I thought this was kind of like, at first, like a silly question is, it's actually pretty much the same. Okay. It's pretty much the exact same stuff you would do in person. The problem is you're just going off of less information. So, the metaphor that kind of comes to mind is if you're reading a book, if you're reading every single page of the book, you can be very confident that you know what's going on, very confident you know the plot, et cetera. And therefore, you can do a lot more kind of bold moves, or risky moves, or that sort of a thing, right? You can be much more assured in your decisions. However, if you're reading only one page out of three, and you're trying to assess the plot, you're going to be a little unsure, right?
Imagine, if you've ever been in a, this should relate to a lot of people who've been in English class and you only read part of the book and the teacher's asking you questions. Your answers are going to be a lot less specific, and more sort of philosophical, and vague than if you actually had read every single chapter and word of the book and you know what the heck you're talking about.
So, it's the same kind of thing. You're going to be bullshitting a little bit more, you're going to be a little less refined and on point with the things you're going to say than you would be live. The other point that I really want to make, and this goes to live as well, is that when you're determining someone's blueprints, you are starting not from moment one, not from the first word, not from the first message, you're you're starting from moment zero. You're starting from the first information you can glean. Okay. So, you're starting, in online dating, from her profile and her photos. That's where you start assessing her blueprints.
If you're waiting until the messages, you've already messed up. You've already lowered the response rate for your first message by not already making some guesses at her blueprints in what first message you choose. You've already, maybe not set up the most optimal frame to move things forward and move things towards a good result, you know, depending on, you know, having not already assessed the blueprint and taken some, you know, some cautious risks or some educated guesses from there.
So, I'll give you an example of two very different blueprints that you might see from girls online, and these are like relatively typical ones. The first one is extremely typical. Second one is typical of type. So, the first one is the girl who says, like, "Just looking for an honest, good man. Wants someone serious, hoping against hope. Now, if you're looking for hookups, just please swipe left, et cetera, et cetera." Right? So, that's one very typical type of girl you'll see online.
And with that girl, you can assess that she's one of two blueprints. Either she is the genuinely nice girl blueprint, not looking to hook up, et cetera. And maybe not even super sexually experienced, that's a possibility. Or, maybe she is the blueprints of she's made one too many mistakes because she actually is very prone to hooking up with guys from online, and she's trying to protect herself up front from that. Or, she's trying to, at least, give the excuse that if and when she did it, it's not slutty cause she kind of recommended against it in the first place.
But you can definitely infer that she either is innocent or maybe trying to play innocent for either your sake, or her sake, or something like that. So, you can infer something about her blueprint from that. And more often than not, she probably either is, or at least thinks she is, being a good girl and trying to look for something semi-serious. Okay. So, that's one very typical blueprint you'll see.
Let me contrast that to when I saw the other day where the girl's entire profile, it said, "The difference between me and a mosquito is that I don't stop sucking when you slap me." So, a little bit of a difference way of conveying herself, right?
Clearly, a girl that you can probably joke around with a little more. Clearly, a girl that's not going to be offended if you say some things that are a little more sexual, et cetera, et cetera. Now, that said, you could probably go wrong even with that girl being blatently sexually suggestive in the first message.
And in fact, a profile like that, in some ways, is a shit test. Cause you'll get a lot of guys who are just like, "Let's fuck," as their first message, and that's probably not a very good first message. Probably a turnoff, right? It's similar to, there's kind of a live shit test where a girl comes up and says like, "You're really hot. I bet you want to fuck me, don't you?" Something like that, where she's being super, like, she's being super positive, but also super sexual. And if you're too eager for the sex, then it's a turnoff for her. You have to actually kind of like, you know, keep some tension in the string as you move it forward, although it is a very positive place to be. Right? So, not to say that you should be blatantly sexual with the first message, but definitely once you start flirting, and once there is some hint at sexuality, you can take some of the, you can take a few more liberties with that second girl than you would with the first girl, in terms of the way you're going to message, the way things are going to go.
And you should also expect that certain topics are a little more, more viable. You should expect that getting to, she might have less hesitation about getting to a meetup, different things like that. Right? So, you're already from that first, from the profile, determining certain things about her. You can determine certain things also, to a certain extent, from a way of girls dressed in the profile to whether she has tattoos, different things like that. So, you should be assessing from the very first moment, and then you're going to assess in the messaging as well.
Within the messaging, what you want to notice are the trends. And, I do want to point out that most of the messaging is not about knowing the blueprint so much. This is just about doing good messaging, okay. That's the first, that's the baseline is doing good messaging. And then, blueprint is a layer on top of it. It's not in place of it, and it's not something where you adjust what good messaging is and completely like, throw that out the window.
And by the way, just to mention it again. If you are interested in learning about messaging, go to ToddVDating.com/textguide. It is completely free. It's my guide to messaging. Check it out. That's going to give you that baseline of what good messaging is. It's going to get you well on your way to being effective in messaging girls. So, go check that out as well.
But so blueprint though, it's going to come up about messaging with which messages does she give you more often? So, when you send a message to a girl that could lead to a bantery conversation or a logical conversation, does she keep defaulting to logical over and over and just kind of have a discussion with you? Or, does she default to very bantery, and witty, and back and forth, and shit testy? That's going to tell you a lot about the girl's personality and her vibe.
And for some guys, they prefer one or the other. Or, some guys do better with one or the other. But certainly, you should be adjusting to the one that she is. If she's giving a lot of shit tests and banter, you should banter back, keep things a little like, you know, a little bit playful, and sexually charged, and whatnot. And, you should go ahead and close relatively quickly, and go ahead and get to, you know, a phone call where you can banter more verbally, or get her on a date.
If the girl is being a lot more logical and just like, riding along things, you should also take that as positive, you should understand that. And the fact that she's committing, the fact she's taking time to be meticulous and answer properly to your questions and things like that. And to share information about herself is positive, but you should also know you want to be very careful about not making it boring. And you want to include little bits of banter here and there, but you don't want to be all banter all the time to the point that you're making her uncomfortable, or the fact that you're denying her a connection. She's maybe trying to connect on logical facts, maybe she's thinking of you in terms of connection and comfort more so than value. And maybe that's a bit of her blueprint so, you don't want to take that away from her.
She's trying to move things forward. If she clearly is responding positively, but in a particular direction, don't fight the direction she's taking in. Just steer it a little bit. So, these are some examples of things you might be looking for in terms of her blueprint and different things like that.
So, the point with blueprint though is every single thing she tells you and every single thing she shows you, even unintentionally, i.e., her profile, and things like that, and her photos, they are telling you something. And what you're going to do is you're going to make your best guess, okay. The key to blueprint really is guess and check, right?
You have the information in front of you, you make a guess. And depending on how good and reliable that information is, you either deviate a little bit based on that guess or deviate more based on that guess. And again, in online, you're going to deviate less than you would in life because the information is less reliable. But, you're going to make a small deviation. And then, once you make that deviation, that little guess, that little risk towards blueprints, then you're going to get feedback. Did it work? If it worked, you can be more confident that what you did is right. And you can double down a little bit in that direction.
If it didn't work, you'd be like, "Okay, I misread the blueprint. Let's back off. Let's try something different instead of it." But that's really the answer is guess and check. And over time, you're going to get a really good sense of good guesses, and you're going to get a really good sense of the information coming back to you.
But regardless, even if you don't have a ton of experience with girls, even if you're not an expert at reading blueprint, the best kind of starter thing to do is just put yourself in her shoes and say, "If I had sent that, what would be my motives for sending it?" And you might not be right because guys and girls are different, but two things.
One, they're not that different. Human beings are human beings. You're going to be at least in the right ballpark, even if you're not on the right base, so to speak. But beyond that, you're going to get calibrated. You have to start from somewhere. The easiest place to start from is, "This is how I would think of this situation." And then, whenever you're wrong, whenever your view of the situation happens to not be her actual blueprints, well, that's information that you can learn, and then you can adjust your view of the female blueprint.
So, you start with a model. If you have no model of the girl's blueprint, start with the model that she's you. Okay. And then, as you get information, start identifying all the different ways she's not you. Identifying all the way she is different and incorporating that into your guess and incorporating that into your model going forward.
And this is actually something, side note, something I learned from poker, right? How do I get reads on players? What I would do is I'd sit down and I would assume everybody plays like a good player, which hopefully, when I'm playing poker, hopefully is me. So, they play roughly similar to me, roughly like a good player. And that way, any move they make that I wouldn't have made, the moves that surprise me, the moves that are interesting to me, the moves that stand out are the useful reads.
And so, it's a really good base to be coming from in order to assess somebody else's psychology, right? Start from your own psychology, and then start noticing and acclimating to all the differences. And then, you're going to make bigger and bigger guesses from there. So, that's the general process of determining blueprint, but I do want to point out that the majority of the blueprint you're going to be getting doesn't start with the messaging, it starts with the profile. And if you've already kind of keyed in to the blueprint, in the profile, and started with the first message, you're going to get much cleaner indicators in the messaging of her blueprint. And, you're also going to get hopefully a lot of positive feedback that's going to help things move forward along that blueprint.
So, don't wait for the messaging to determine it. You want to start with a guess. Again, it's guess and check, and your guesses and checks will get better over time. But it's guess and check from the start. So, take whatever information you have and go based on that.
So, thanks again for tuning in. Quick reminder, if you want to see the full podcast, you can check it out on ToddVDating.com also on the major podcast hosts, i.e., Spotify, Apple podcasts, Google podcasts, Stitcher, et cetera.
And then, also, if you want your questions answered, we love good questions, this is where we get the content for this. So, put them in the chat below or send them to questions@ToddVDating.com.
If you send them to questions@ToddVDating, send them via audio. Or, written is fine, but we prefer audio cause it's just a little more lively. But, we do look forward to your questions, we look forward to seeing what's on your mind, getting back to you, et cetera.
And then, final reminder is the text guide. It is brand new. It is brand awesome, it's a weird phrase. But yeah, it is awesome. Check it out at ToddVDating.cOm/textguide. It's completely free and you're going to love it. So, see you there. See you on the next one. And, I look forward to your questions. Take care. Talk soon.