Better Me with BodyByBree
Building Resilience for You and Your Kids
Unlock the secrets of mental toughness as mental health coach Lauren Johnson joins me, Bree, to discuss the transformative power of resilience for both adults and children. Together, we peel back the layers of what it takes to cultivate grit in the face of life's curveballs. With insights from her experience with elite athletes, Lauren shares strategies that apply not just on the field but in the intricate dance of parenting. We tackle the art of redefining success and the importance of fostering a growth mindset, ensuring that every setback becomes a setup for a stronger comeback.
Have you ever considered that your approach to challenges could be your child's blueprint for tackling their own? This episode is brimming with guidance on instilling a resilient mindset in our children—a legacy far more enduring than any material inheritance. We examine the significance of language in shaping our kids' perception of effort and failure, revealing how subtle shifts can open doors to boundless learning opportunities. By teaching them to focus on the process rather than the outcome, we prepare our young ones for a lifetime of meaningful achievements.
Lauren received her Master's Degree in Performance Psychology and has worked with various leaders and organizations including: the New York Yankees, Google, the US Women's National Soccer Team, Johnson & Johnson, Mass Mutual, the FBI, Square, and others.
Want more? Find and follow Bree on
www.bodybybree.com
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Unlock the secrets of mental toughness as mental health coach Lauren Johnson joins me, Bree, to discuss the transformative power of resilience for both adults and children. Together, we peel back the layers of what it takes to cultivate grit in the face of life's curveballs. With insights from her experience with elite athletes, Lauren shares strategies that apply not just on the field but in the intricate dance of parenting. We tackle the art of redefining success and the importance of fostering a growth mindset, ensuring that every setback becomes a setup for a stronger comeback.
Have you ever considered that your approach to challenges could be your child's blueprint for tackling their own? This episode is brimming with guidance on instilling a resilient mindset in our children—a legacy far more enduring than any material inheritance. We examine the significance of language in shaping our kids' perception of effort and failure, revealing how subtle shifts can open doors to boundless learning opportunities. By teaching them to focus on the process rather than the outcome, we prepare our young ones for a lifetime of meaningful achievements.
Lauren received her Master's Degree in Performance Psychology and has worked with various leaders and organizations including: the New York Yankees, Google, the US Women's National Soccer Team, Johnson & Johnson, Mass Mutual, the FBI, Square, and others.
Want more? Find and follow Bree on
www.bodybybree.com
Instagram
Pinterest
YouTube
Blog
Are you looking for a space where you will learn to improve your mental strength, emotional health and heal your insecurities from the inside out? Take the first step to living a more meaningful life with the Better Me with Body by Brie podcast. I'm your host, brie. I'm a certified personal trainer, entrepreneur and mother of three. I've helped empower thousands of women to take action through fitness, nutrition, meditation, personal development and aligning thoughts with action. This podcast is for those who are ready to feel inspired and motivated to live a more purposeful life. Let's grow together.
Speaker 1:If you have ever wanted to create mentally resilient children or you feel like you want to increase your own mental resilience, this podcast is for you. If you find yourself starting a goal, only to quit a few weeks later, these mental shifts taught by mental health coach Lauren Johnson will be life-changing. In this podcast, lauren and I discuss tactics she uses with professional athletes like the New York Yankees, and then we break it down and apply it to you and your health goals and how you would teach your children the same resilience. We also cover how to build grit in you and your children, how to define success, the importance of knowing yourself and how to increase your efforts by focusing on what you can control. There were so many great golden nuggets in this podcast. I know you will leave feeling empowered to apply these tools for your goals and to teach your children. Hi, Lauren, welcome to the podcast. How are you?
Speaker 2:I'm so good. I'm so good, I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm excited because, okay, let me give you guys a little bit our listeners a little bit of a background. Lauren and I are in the same mastermind and I met her a couple of weeks ago at our mastermind in Texas and every single thing that you dropped on us was so good, like I was writing all the golden nuggets. I'm like, oh, this girl is good, like you're just so wise. I love your mindset coaching. I just was like you can add so much value to my listeners and I'm so excited to have you on this podcast.
Speaker 2:So thank you for coming. Thanks so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 1:So for my listeners that don't know what you do or who you are, can you give us a little bit of a background on how you got started in mindset coaching?
Speaker 2:So, for your listeners, my background is in performance psychology and that is really just a broad term for sports psychology and so I not only studied the psychology of performance for athletes, but for business professionals, actors, actresses, military personnel, firefighters, police officers and you name it surgeons anybody that requires high performance in their role. That is really what I studied, and so I kind of got into this line of work to be totally honest with you, because I was the one that needed it the most, and so I was just drawn in by the information, because I just saw how easily applicable it was to myself, and when I began to see how it unfolded in my own life and benefited me, that's when I had this kind of light bulb moment of oh my gosh, how many people can I help?
Speaker 1:now that I know this, that's so beautiful because you have your own personal experience. I love that, yeah. So when we're, I was kind of thinking of what direction to take the podcast, because you have so many directions that you could go. And I was thinking resilience, like let's focus on resilience, because I feel like that's the number one tool that you need to be successful in your fitness goals, in any type of self-improvement goals that you have. It's resilience.
Speaker 1:And then a lot of my listeners are women and we have children and that, like right now, I'm trying to teach resilience to my kids and that's very important to me that you know you might not always win the game, but what are we going to do after? You might not always get the grade you want, or you might not always get, you know, the prize at the end, and how do we react to that? Right, and we're not all always going to be winners, and so anyway there's. I feel like this is just so prevalent in my life right now and in our listeners' life. So why do you think it's so important for us, as women, to foster resilience but also teach it to our children?
Speaker 2:Well, I think it's really important for us as women to foster that, because we are the model we create the environment for our children, and so if we are not modeling it like the do as they say, not as I do, principle does not work.
Speaker 2:If any of us can put ourselves back into our child bodies and really think about any parent that talked to us in that way, we're just like, no like it.
Speaker 2:It doesn't land as well as when somebody that is practicing what they preach say it to us, and so I believe it's important for the parent, because you are ultimately the model for your child. But it's not just my opinion that I believe that we need to raise mentally resilient children, but actually the science shows it. So there's a really good research study done by Angela Duckworth, and what she did is she surveyed a bunch of people in high school, and what she did was she had them take these surveys on what she called grit, and grit is your ability to persevere through difficult times, and what she found was that people that scored high on the grit scale ended up performing and graduating way more than people that were low on the grit scale, and so what it proves is that grit. Your ability to persevere through difficult times and put in effort through those moments is actually a greater predictor of success than talent and skill ever will be.
Speaker 1:Oh I amen. I agree wholeheartedly. We actually just taught our kids this lesson the other day and we're like have you guys ever heard of grit? Do you know what this word is? Do you know what this means? And, um, my husband sees it all the time in his business too, because he has a really hard job where they're knocking doors and the people that are traditionally successful in their life, the people that are traditionally successful in their life.
Speaker 1:He's like, oh, they're going to do great. Well, they can't do it because it's so hard mentally that they don't have the grit to do it. And then he'll find, like these, like this one guy was a janitor at a high school right, no sales background, nothing. He killed it. He ended up making like $2 million a year solely because his mindset, he had grit, solely because he could handle rejection and he could get up and do it again and again, and again. And I'm like that is such a huge lesson. So how, what are, like, some steps that we can start to teach our kids how to have this grit, Because it's so hard nowadays where everything's easy, yeah.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Anything you want is instantaneous. So it's so hard to teach your kids how to have grit. So what would you say is maybe some steps to get us there.
Speaker 2:First, you have to take responsibility for this development in your kids yourself. You can't expect it from other people. You have to take the steps for your children, and so there's a couple of ways that we can do this. And I want to start by telling you another story of an incredible researcher, carol Dweck, and she is the one that founded Growth Mindset. And what she did is she saw this study done in the Chicago school system, and, instead of giving the grades of pass or fail, they got the grades pass or not yet, and what it showed is that when kids received the grade of not yet, they began to identify less with the outcome, and it carved a path for the next step, because a growth mindset believes that with effort and hard work, you can improve your abilities, where a fixed mindset believes that, oh, this is just who I am. So, for instance, if you get an F on a test, oh, I just suck at math, versus I'm not there yet, and with effort and with perseverance, I can and will get there. And so what she noticed was that, actually, a growth mindset helped carve the path for improvement better than anything else. And so when we saw the F or the D or the C or even the A, kids began to identify with their outcomes requiring further validation throughout life. And so I know I really related with this when I read it, because for myself, I attached my outcomes to my worth as a kid and even as an adult at times where if I was succeeding, if I was scoring goals, if I was getting good grades, I was on cloud nine. But the second I began to struggle. I started to wonder am I dumb? Am I smart enough? Maybe this just isn't for me.
Speaker 2:And what they found is kids that identified when they're with their outcome and had a negative outcome. They then asked in the research what will you do next for your next test? And what they found were kids were admitting that, oh, I'll probably cheat or I'll quit, and so this idea that they didn't believe that they could improve with further effort. They thought they had to default to just I guess what's the word I'm looking for Accepting the fact that they are not good at something and that is final.
Speaker 2:And what we know is that it's not. And so one of the first things that we can do as parents is change our language and change or add the word in yet oh, you're just not there yet. So, when we're not there, what we're doing is we're creating a path to the future, instead of saying, oh, you failed or you lost. Yes, those things may be true. So we're not ignoring the fact in front of us, but we're creating okay, you're just not there yet. What might you do to improve your position for next time? And now we're creating a thought process and a path to future development.
Speaker 1:Oh, see what I mean? You guys Gold, golden nuggets here, because we can apply that. So in my space we're doing fitness right. We're trying to improve our fitness, our mental health, our mentality, our nutrition, and so I love this idea of I'm not there yet, but I'm on the path, and it takes away that all or nothing mentality. It takes away that you have to be perfect or you have to quit. It takes away that huge mountain that you have to climb Like no, I just am working in that direction, right, right.
Speaker 2:And it's this idea that there's always a next, a next play, a next opportunity, a next job, a next test there's always a next. And so, as we continue to improve our learnings from the previous attempt, we improve our next try. And so I think that this idea that there's always another opportunity you may not have the opportunity you want in front of you, but there is always an opportunity to learn and improve from the position you're currently in.
Speaker 1:That's spot on. I love it. And on your Instagram, let's talk about also how you look at failure versus success. Can you talk a little more about that, because I feel like this is so good for my clients to hear too, and then also for us to teach our children, because we can't teach them unless we learn it ourselves, right? So how do you look at failure in the form of success? Look at failure in the form of success.
Speaker 2:Well, I just think that failure to me, I just don't look at it the same way as most. I don't think failure is a bad thing, and it actually as a parent as well. It also lends to this idea of growth mindset, because when you change the meaning of difficulty, when you change the meaning of challenge, you actually change your relationship with it. And so when I started to learn that, oh, failure is, it's just an attempt, and that attempt didn't elicit the outcome I wanted, okay, now we have to become a detective, because failure, success, doesn't always come from good decisions and failure doesn't always come from bad decisions. And so what I like to do is I like to separate and I actually learned this concept from Annie Duke, and I like to separate the two concepts between outcome quality and decision quality. And so you can have a poor outcome and still have made a good decision, and you can also have a good outcome and you could have made a good decision, and you can also have a good outcome and you could have made a poor decision.
Speaker 2:So think about it. Think about, like I'll put it, in terms of baseball Okay, you can do everything right at the plate and still get out, or you can do everything wrong and still get a hit. And so the idea is how are we defining success for ourselves? Because what we believe takes us to the next level, most people believe it's just success, but what actually takes you to the next level is failure. Getting back up, learning from your mistakes because mistakes are not the problem. Choosing not to learn from them is so. If you notice you're consistently making the same mistake, you're not learning, but if you never make new mistakes, you're not growing.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I love how you say it, because we do a whole section in our program about defining success. What does success look like for you? And if success is based on the outcome, then most of the time you will meet frustration. So if success is, oh, when I lose 20 pounds, I'm successful, no, what can you do to make the goal on your input versus your outcome? So I love that, because an example might be okay success to me is if I go to the gym three times a week, that's my success, right? Or success to me is adding a vegetable on my plate with each meal, because that's something you can control.
Speaker 1:So I wanted to read one of the Instagram posts that you wrote, because I thought it was so good and it was about failure. And you said on your journey towards your goals, you will be met with failure. Your job is not to eliminate failure. Some of your best advancements will come from picking yourself back up. Your job is to minimize its impact by confronting it, learning from it and recovering as quickly as possible. That was so good. I screenshotted that for my phone. I'm like, yes, it's so great Well, thank you.
Speaker 2:I think that it's unrealistic to think that, if you're going to do anything worthwhile, that you won't be met with struggle because you can't be comfortable and grow at the same time.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's so.
Speaker 2:true, it's so true, so there's actually a story. I want to tell you about this because I really like what you said about focusing on the input, not just the output. The output's important, but the best way to get the outcome you're looking for is not by hyper-focusing on it.
Speaker 1:Okay, so we have a gardener that is mowing Lauren's lawn, so we're going to keep going, even if you hear it in the background. We've all heard lawnmowers, it's all right.
Speaker 2:Oh, this is real life guys.
Speaker 1:I'm really excited to hear this story.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So during my time at the Yankees I was working with this player. I had seen his stats before I actually got to the field and it was one of our minor league affiliates. And I get there and he was over 15, which means that for 15 at bats he had struck out or gotten out all 15 times, which is not good stats.
Speaker 2:If you're a hitter, right Because that that right there puts you on the line for potentially being either released or sent down a level, which neither one is where you want to be. So I get there and he's as I had imagined. He came up to me almost immediately and was like hey, we need to talk. I don't know what to do. He had talked to all of our coaching staff, our stats guys. He's like I even went to our pitching coach and said what are you seeing? What am I getting wrong? And he couldn't figure it out and so I asked him.
Speaker 2:I said how do you define success? And he kind of like chuckled at me like it was a dumb question. He was like, well, obviously it's getting a hit. I'm like, yeah, obviously. I said let me challenge your way of thinking there for a second. I said have you ever done everything wrong at the plate and still gotten a hit? And he goes yeah. I said, okay, have you ever done everything right at the plate and still gotten out? He said yeah, and I said, well, that's not a very accurate definition of success. Then is it Because we know that success is actually not just based on you. It's based on two other factors First, things within your control, then things outside of your control. And third, luck. Luck plays a role in all of this, and so if you were defining your success based on things outside of your control, you will always become a victim of them. So why?
Speaker 2:don't we redefine success to be within your control. So I said what are the things like? If you did eight, three things at the plate and you did them really well, you could walk away and say I was successful, I did my job, regardless of the outcome. And he came up with three. He said right. Number one. He said when I'm on time, he goes. Man, when I'm on time, he's like I'm dangerous, like great. He said all right. Number two. He said when I have good plate discipline, meaning I'm just not swinging at anything, you know, I'm not swinging outside of the zone, I'm really looking for that pitch and only swinging when I see it. And he said and then three, having an external focus. Instead of focusing so much on what my arms and my hands and my legs are doing, I'm focused on where I want to hit the ball. So I'm more trusting of myself and really focused on where I want it to go. I said great.
Speaker 2:And so that evening he went out and the first at bat I feel like he kind of forgot, like he blacked out at the point. He totally forgot what we talked about. He came back and he's like oh, he saw me, he goes. You're right, I totally forgot because he struck out again. Then his next at bat, he got a hit, and I asked him.
Speaker 2:I said what was different and he just said I focused on the things I could control and I let go of the rest. I did my job, because the outcome is not always an effective measurement of your decisions, and what we know is when you consistently show up making better decisions, you put yourself in the best position for success, while knowing we can't guarantee it. And so that's what he did, and so I think that this is also something that we can do, not only for ourselves, but for our kids, and we can foster a growth mindset by praising the process, and we can't praise the process until we have one. So the first thing is what is the process? And help them to define what that is for them, and if they show up and they put in the effort and they do the things that they say they're going to do, that is success right then and there, regardless of the result.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love that. Let's apply it to a goal or a mindset that maybe one of our listeners is going through. Maybe they're a mom, they're busy, they want to be healthy, they want to feel their best, but they don't really know where to start and they're frustrated because they've made the same goal over and over to lose this 15 pounds or to get to the gym and they just cannot follow through with that. What would you say to them?
Speaker 2:First, I would want to audit your choices because really, all of us you, me, everybody listening sitting here right now you are the sum of the decisions you've made up until this point. Your knowledge is a sum of the decisions you've made in terms of reading, not reading, what you consume, your health is a summation of what you chose to eat, not eat, whether or not you worked out, didn't work out. So we are a sum of our decisions, and so first I would want to audit our decisions and then, once we understand what decisions are, either adding to the progress, subtracting or kind of neutral, then it becomes clear, because I have a late colleague of mine who passed away a couple years ago, trevor Moad. He said if you want to be an NFL player, the decision between an apple and chips, there is no decision. It's clear.
Speaker 1:It's always the apple.
Speaker 2:It's always the apple, and so when you understand, lack of decision-making comes from lack of clarity. So when you're clear on what you want, then we have to align our decisions, and if your decisions aren't in alignment with that, then that's to align our decisions, and if your decisions aren't in alignment with that, then that's where the change needs to occur. Now I recognize that we're simplifying it, but that's truly what has to happen. However, there's another piece underlying it, and that piece is the reason for why you're doing it in the first place.
Speaker 1:That was my question. Yeah, I feel like it always comes back to your driver. What's the why?
Speaker 2:Why are?
Speaker 1:you doing it.
Speaker 2:That's everything. A Ferrari without an engine is worthless. Yeah, so if we don't understand what your engine is, then we can't effectively communicate to the decision-making part of our brain, and then what ends up taking over is the feeling that we have right there, and our default setting in our brain is comfort, so your brain will always seek comfort in default. So, in order to upgrade your default, if you don't train your mind to be stronger than your defaults, you will always be a victim of them. And so if we know our default is comfort, we need to then understand what parts of our brain we can train and upgrade to combat it when that occurs.
Speaker 2:And the way to do that is by really understanding the reason behind it, like why does this matter to you? Why do you care about it? What, on the other side, are you gaining, either for yourself or for others, as a result of it? How is this contributing to something greater than yourself? Because when you know the answers to those questions the decision between an apple and chips there is no decision, it becomes simply an act. Chips there is no decision, it becomes simply an act. And now you just have to act, because you now know why.
Speaker 1:You now know the reason and now it's time to act upon it. Well, I love that you talk about the importance of the process and of knowing your why and connecting the emotion to the why, because a lot of clients will say I just want to weigh a certain amount, I just want to weigh 130 pounds, and I'm like but why do you want to weigh 130 pounds? And I'm like, it's not the number you're after, it's who you were when you were that version of yourself. Maybe you were your healthiest version, maybe you had more energy, maybe you showed up better for yourself, or you were more dedicated in your life, or you were proud of yourself. You had more confidence because you kept your word. Like that's really the feeling you want. It's not the number on the scale, it's the feeling and the emotion and the person that you become when you're doing those habits. So I love connecting the goal with the emotion.
Speaker 1:One of the things that you said that I really love on your Instagram as well. If you guys don't follow her, she's great, I'll. We'll tag your Instagram at the end and in the notes as well. But she said, when we give effort to things we can't control, our effort is wasted. When we give effort to things we can control, our effort is effective and I loved that. I was like take that to your mirror. What can you control? Because a lot of times you can't control where you lose weight on your body. You can't control really how fast it comes off or what it looks like, or how quickly you build your glutes. You can try. You can't control that. You can't say I'm going to build my glutes in 12 weeks.
Speaker 1:All you can control is the effort you put in, so I love that you really talk about that. Oh, keep going. What were you going to?
Speaker 2:say yeah, no, I just wanted to make a note of that, because I think that we give our power away when we focus our attention on things outside of our control and focus is really a direction right, it's where we're directing our attention.
Speaker 2:And so when we choose to focus on things within our control, we become powerful, we act from a place of power, and when we give it away, suddenly that begins to control our decision-making versus us controlling it.
Speaker 2:And so I think that whenever, if I could teach anybody a mental skill to really hone and work on it's understanding at any given time where your control does and doesn't lie and a really simple strategy to do this is just take out a sheet of paper, draw a circle in the middle of it and in the middle of that circle, write all the things you can control, and on the outside write all the things you can't, and allow that to serve just as a visual representation of what's within your control and what's just beyond it. Because then, when you look at that, you can go okay, where is my current attention being drawn to? And if it's outside of that circle, the question then becomes how quickly can you get it back in the circle? Because, right there, that is one rep for mental toughness. It's understanding where it is and bringing it back to something, to a place that is more effective and that puts you in your power that's so good.
Speaker 1:I love that. I'm going to do that as an exercise for my clients. This circle thing I see this a lot with clients and anxiety as well, when when you try to control something that you have no control over, that's anxiety. So I love this exercise of the circle. I'm going to incorporate that. That's so good. Um, I want it. We talk a lot about Enneagram personalities in my coaching and I stumbled upon one of your posts that talked about how the best skill that you can develop is the skill of understanding yourself. Can you talk a little more about that and why it's so important?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll talk about it from my own perspective. I'll talk about it from my own perspective. Whenever I have a negative reaction or a response to someone or a situation or something, my first question is why? Because I found that most of the time it has nothing to do with the other person or thing. It has everything to do with me, and that response is typically rooted in a past experience of some sort, or a fear of some sort, a fear of feeling dumb or a fear of somebody disliking you, or a fear of not succeeding or failing.
Speaker 2:It's always rooted in something somewhat deeper, and then, when I can really understand the reasoning behind it, I then feel that I can act from a place of understanding versus a place of emotion, because most of us and I'm guilty of this as well when we react from emotion, what actually happens is our logical brain is reduced the more our emotion increases, and so I recognize that I don't make the best decisions when my emotions are high.
Speaker 2:So if I step back and begin to examine my emotions under threat, I begin to understand them. In a way. That number one distances me from the emotion, which allows sense soothing neurotransmitters to the emotional centers of my brain, which helps me become a little bit more logical in my decision-making and it helps me to recognize other patterns of where this might exist or where it might come up. And as I can anticipate patterns, I can begin to navigate them a bit better and more quickly. Because I really think that if we boil down mental performance to its simplest form, it's accepting your reality and choosing your response. But I think beyond accepting, it's also understanding, and when we can really understand it, then we can choose our response in the highest form.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's so good. So how would you apply that to children so like, let's say, they're having a tantrum or they're really struggling in the moment? What are some tools you can give your child to like step back and kind of recognize or take a breath, so that we can foster this in them?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So one thing that can really help our emotional intelligence of our kids. It's a strategy that was coined by Dan Siegel and it's called name it to tame it. When you name the emotion you're feeling instead of identifying with it. So instead of saying I am angry or I am happy or I am frustrated, just add another word to it I am feeling frustrated, I am feeling angry, I am feeling fill in the blank. And when you do that, again you're sending soothing neurotransmitters to the emotional centers of your brain. And so you are again.
Speaker 2:You're not identifying with it, you're labeling it. And so we can really help to tame our emotions by honestly looking at dead in the mirror and saying this is how I'm feeling, understanding that feelings are all temporary and so, like with the weather system, they will come and they will go. And with a label, we can begin to attach our expectation of the feeling we're feeling to it by acknowledging it. So that is one thing that we can do to really help our kids. It's really the first step, because you can't change anything you're not aware of. So if we can help them become aware of the way that they are feeling, then the next step would be to be able to help them shift out of it.
Speaker 1:So one thing I started doing with my daughter as you're talking, I'm like, okay, this is what I've been doing with her and I do notice a big difference. She's four.
Speaker 1:And when she's really angry, I'll say what are you feeling? And she'll be like I'm feeling mad. And I'm like, okay, why are you feeling mad? And she's like because I wanted to watch the show. Okay, that would be really frustrating. I can see that you'd be mad and I try to like walk her through and have empathy for what she's feeling, like validate Okay, yeah, that would be hard. I can see that that would be hard, and oftentimes it's funny, like it pulls her out of the tantrum exactly what you said because she's just like thinking about it Okay, yeah, I'm mad because I didn't get this, because I really wanted this. And then when she's just talking and conversing with me, it calms her down naturally. So I've seen that work. That's been really helpful for me too, with my kids.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's a form of distancing, and again, it's distancing from the emotion that you're feeling. So, instead of having this, you know, if you're looking at a map and you're trying to decide your direction, if you're really zoomed in and you're two inches away from the map, it's going to be really hard to see all the options that you have, where, when you really zoom out, you're able to see everything in a big picture, and so, by asking questions, you can begin to do that. Another great question actually I use a lot and I think it's a really effective one for distancing was one that actually my husband brought up to me, and he loves when I give him credit for this.
Speaker 2:So I don't want to get his head too big, but it's a great story.
Speaker 2:We were actually on our way to Vegas and I'm working in the car, and have you ever received one of those emails that just make you want to throw your computer?
Speaker 2:Yes, I got one of those, and so I was so frustrated, I was so upset and I'm venting to him and he stops me, and he asked me this question. He said, lauren, what typically helps in moments like these? It stopped me dead in my tracks because what he did was a form of distancing where now I zoomed out and I began to think of all the ways I have solved for this problem in a way that was beneficial and productive. And so the inverse of that question you can also use is what typically hurts us in times like these. And so these are two really good questions that you can really use to maybe help them think through what my next step might be, because throwing a bigger tantrum may actually hurt me in times like these, and there might be past examples that prove that to them. But now what we're doing is we're not necessarily telling them what to do or telling them what to think.
Speaker 2:We're teaching them how to think, and that is way more effective in the long run and it's going to create really emotionally intelligent children, and children that can then make best decisions for themselves On their own, without us needing to continue to remind them.
Speaker 1:Okay, lauren, I'm excited about your new project. Do you want to tease it? Do you want to tell people what you're working on? Because it's so exciting and I think it's genius. I'm getting it for my kids. Thousand percent.
Speaker 2:Yes, so we won't go deep into everything that's going to be offered, but for those of you that want to follow along on the journey, you can, and follow me on Instagram at mentalrepsco. And really what we're aiming to do at Mental Reps Co is to create mentally resilient minds, one rep at a time, and so we will continuously have some really fun offerings and they're not quite yet, but you should stick around so we can share just some insights and things that you can do with your children to really help them to develop resilience in themselves.
Speaker 1:And I love this because, even like, if your kid is a sports kid like Jameson, my son is obsessed with football I'm going to, well, I've seen some of the things that she's created and I'm like, give it to me. I want to do it with Jameson because, with sports, any parent that has a sports kid needs this knowledge and needs this mental practice. And I do like some sports stuff with the team, you know cause, being the trainer, and I'm like we need this for the team. We need to do these like mental exercises and build this resilience and it gets me so excited. So, if you're a sports parent, or even if you're not a sports parent, you should follow along, because it's really exciting what she's creating.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you, I am very excited about it and I'm excited to share with everybody. And yes, sports, absolutely that's where my bread and butter is, but it's not just for sports, it's for really any kid and any parent that really wants to help develop mental resiliency within their children and within themselves, because a byproduct of helping your children is helping yourself, and so I think that it really goes both ways. And at Mental Reps Co, we believe you don't have to be a mental performance coach and you don't have to have a master's degree in performance psychology to develop mentally resilient children.
Speaker 1:All right, let's talk about everything that we recapped today. So we had creating grit in your children and changing the language to not yet right, instead of having a fixed mindset. I loved how we touched on reframing what success looks like and being very clear on what that looks like with your goals and with your children's goals. And I loved that we talked about not letting failure get in the way of your success, because most of the time, that's where the growth comes.
Speaker 2:So the last three were really praising the process, so first helping your kid to develop a process and then praising the process instead of simply the outcome. Another thing that we talked about was emotional intelligence and learning how to distance from the moment that we're currently in by labeling it and, as Dan Siegel says, name it to tame it.
Speaker 1:Name it to tame it. So what I want you to do an actionable item is pick one of these things that we talked about to start implementing and start small. It doesn't have to feel overwhelming, but start small with one thing that you can do to help your resilience and help teach your children resilience. All right, have such a beautiful week. I will talk to you guys later. Thank you for joining us in today's episode.
Speaker 1:If you liked the content and want to hear more, remember to hit that subscribe button and write a review. As a small business owner, I appreciate it more than you know. If you are looking for a program to help with self-confidence, to lose weight, get in shape and work on your mental, physical and emotional health, check out my training programs on wwwbodybybreecom. My team and I help to hold you accountable through the Body by Bree app, where you log in to see all your workouts, custom meal plan made specifically for you and your needs, and communication through the messenger. You are never alone when you're on the Body by Bree training program. Click the link in the show notes to get more information on how to transform your life from the inside out.