The Fuzzy Mic
After retiring from a 30-year, major market morning radio career, I'm often asked what I miss the most about the job. I miss 3 C's...camaraderie, creativity but most of all, conversation.
The Fuzzy Mic is built around creativity and conversation to develop camaraderie. The 4 focus areas are: Mental Health, True Crime, Music and Sports.
So, while The Fuzzy Mic allows me to fill some professional voids, it's my sincere hope that maybe you'll find something personally fulfilling in it too.
The Fuzzy Mic
The Tenacity of the Human Spirit in the Face of Personal Tragedy
Embarking on a voyage through the darkest crevices of the human heart, Kelly Kirk joins us with a tale that grips the soul, revealing the wrenching agony of losing loved ones to violence. His courage in exposing the depths of his grief fosters a profound understanding of how we navigate the aftermath of tragedy, igniting a conversation that grapples with the age-old adage: is it better to have loved and lost?
Love and loss intertwine in an unexpected romance that blossomed against the backdrop of barbells and bench presses, and the subsequent upheaval of losing everything. The tale takes a poignant turn with the sudden loss of Kelly's long-time girlfriend, Sofia, a stark reminder of life's fleeting nature. We explore the intricate process of healing, from maintaining rituals and cherishing memories, to the daunting task of moving forward with a heart forever changed by an irreplaceable love.
Finally, we turn to the redemptive power of physical fitness and its profound impact on mental well-being, highlighted by the initiatives of the Sofia Graham Foundation. Through the lens of personal experiences with loss and renewal, we discuss how exercise serves as a beacon of hope and recovery. The conversation veers into the mystical as we share stories of signs from beyond, providing solace amidst sorrow. As we close, the idea of "failing forward" emerges as a testament to the human spirit's tenacity, underscoring the potential for growth through adversity and the relentless pursuit of excellence that defines our journey.
Welcome to the Fuzzy Mike, the interview series, the podcast, whatever Kevin wants to call it. It's Fuzzy Mike. Hello and thank you for joining me. I'm Kevin Kline, your host of the Fuzzy Mike, where we get entertaining and helpful conversations on mental health and self-improvement.
Speaker 1:The idea for this episode was given to me by a very good friend of mine, melanie. Recently, one of Melanie's doggies, eli, went over the Rainbow Bridge and when I found out I reached out to check on her and share my sympathy. She asked if I could do an episode on grief. I thought it was a great idea. So in this episode we're going to answer the questions is it better to have loved and lost than to never have had that love at all? And how do we grieve a loss? My guest today is Kelly Kirk. Kelly's a Maxwell Leadership Certified Coach, teacher, trainer and Speaker, as well as a professional bodybuilder. His story and what he's overcome and how he did it is filled with tragedy and inspiration. May 15th 2003,. Your post on Facebook said about five years ago I decided I had a story after all, that I'd been through the kids murders. You had a niece and nephew murdered.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so in 2009,. You had a niece and nephew murdered. Yeah, so in 2009,. Seven, eight, somewhere around there, I had just opened up a gym. So it was kind of my two best friends that I grew up with. We decided we were going to open up our own business. We wanted to own a gym and the three of us went into business together. That's a whole story. Never go into business with your best friends or family.
Speaker 2:But about maybe a year into it so probably 2008, I guess 2009 at this point, my nephew and niece, my brother's kids, my brother and his wife were divorced. She had remarried, had remarried a park ranger, police officer in the county that I'm in here in Prince William in Virginia. Police officer in the in the County that I'm in here in Prince William and Virginia and you know the kids. It was typical divorce. The kids would come see my brother, you know, every Tuesday and Wednesday and Saturday and Sunday. They had them split, kind of went back and forth.
Speaker 2:Well, the husband came home one night and was upset with his wife. They got in an argument which couples do. He went downstairs, got his service revolver, came back upstairs and shot her in the head three times. Okay, you know that's awful, but it happens a thousand times. You know a more. You know a day around the country that that crazy stuff happens. What he did after that was where it really changed. He, this was about 10 o'clock at night. He walked down the hallway and walked into my niece's room I'm sorry, my nephew's room first, connor, who was already asleep, and put his hand on his face and put the gun here and shot him in the face. Brittany, his sister, my niece, jumped up, ran to the door, he grabbed her by the face and shot her um, kind of blew out the bottom of her, her face and neck, um, and then walked downstairs past his mom who lived with him, told his mom to go lock herself in her bedroom and he walked outside and called police dispatch. And again he was a police officer. So he had back numbers and everything. Hey, where's Sergeant so-and-so? Is he working today? Yeah, I need you to patch me through him. And, for lack of a better word, there was a county to you know a murder, which, which? How is the county? How are the police going to handle this? Like you're, you're friends with the chief of police, the captain, you know whoever it was and you could hear in the phone calls. Just you know the crazy stuff that went on. So Brittany ended up living about four hours. She passed away about two o'clock that night. They medevaced her out living about four hours. She passed away about two o'clock that night. They medevaced her out Seeing her.
Speaker 2:After all of that my brother and I went into the operating room. They asked if they wanted to see her and we did, and I'd had a pretty easy life up until that point. I think pretty much everything I'd ever wanted in life I got. If I wanted a job, I went and had it. I wanted a girlfriend, I wanted a car, you name it. I mean everything went great. I was senior class president in high school, captain of the wrestling team, captain of the baseball. Life was pretty easy and that was pretty much my first kick in the gut, for lack of a better word. Um, and just seeing her, um, and you know what she had been through, seeing the 17 surgeons at Fairfax hospital with tears in their eyes, um, and walking into the operating room after, after she passed, uh, you know, burns an image in your brain, you're. You just never forget.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll give you a massive amounts of credit there, because I don't know if I could have taken it upon myself to walk into that emergency room and seeing my niece like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I don't know that I could have alone, but my brother wanted to. So you know, whatever my brother's four years older than me and he was my hero growing up. So whatever he wanted, you know that's that's what I would have done. I would have backed him up a hundred percent, no matter what. And um, it was, it was difficult.
Speaker 2:I remember Brittany's head, from all the fluid and everything they were pumping in and blood. Her head, it didn't look human, it was just swollen. The whole body was swollen and massive and her beautiful blue eyes were still open and you could still she was, she was 13. She had perfume on and she had a cute little necklace. You know still had that stuff on. So you could tell that it was her and but uh, it was.
Speaker 2:It was rough and, and probably the one of the the harder things that I still deal with for this day is my brother passed away. That day I lost my brother. My brother died that day, you know, not physically, but everything inside of him. You know we're 15 years later and he's still on disability and still hasn't been able to, you know, come to grips with everything. And my brother was a fantastic businessman. He was vice president of a large repository company flew around the world, worked with the Korean army repository company, flew around the world, worked with the Korean army, I mean all kinds of different stuff, and this, just you know, really, really took it away from him. So it was very hard after that to watch. You know somebody that I worshiped growing up. You have to go through something that most people luckily never experienced.
Speaker 1:So what's a stronger emotion in him? Is it the grief of the loss of his two children, or is it the anger towards the murderer?
Speaker 2:Probably the grief. To be honest with you, in the beginning they drugged my brother up so much the doctors did that he honestly never faced the grief or the anger in the beginning. He was very numb for the first few years and you know, three or four years into it, you know they had him and I don't know what the meds were, but you know different, all kinds of different antipsychotics and stuff to help sleep and stuff to level you out, and you know one medicine you have to take another one. It was just crazy and he wasn't himself, he couldn't work, he really couldn't function and he finally got to the point where he said you know, I don't, I don't want to do this anymore. This is not who I am.
Speaker 2:I want to come off of all this crap and get my life back. You know how do I do it and I remember the doctors telling him and him telling us about it. You know well you're going to have to face everything all over again because you never really went through it. So you know, five, I'd say five, six years after it happened my brother came off of all of this and really had to go through it. You know the loss almost for a first time. So I think it's just the grief and the change in his life. You know that his kids were his, were his life, um, you know, married or divorced. So, um, nobody should, should you know, lose their kids before before them. You know.
Speaker 1:Um, and, as you said, your brother, who's a little older than you, is your hero. What are you doing for him at this time? I mean, how can you, how can you be there for somebody who's in that deep of distress?
Speaker 2:At that point it was. It was difficult. I mean, my entire family was six months after my nephew and niece passed away. My mom, who had been relatively healthy, she had been through some strokes and medical issues but was doing good. She passed away in her sleep and you know, we kind of felt like that was mom going to take care of her grandkids, like she needed to. You know, be there Um.
Speaker 2:30 days after that my dad, um, who had always been healthy, worked. You know, until he was almost 80, um started having memory issues. He would come upstairs and say, uh, hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go upstairs and make me a cup of um. Uh, hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go upstairs and make me a cup of um coffee. Yeah, yeah, like small things he couldn't remember. Took him to the doctor. Doctor said you know, it's probably just grief and stress from the kids and you losing your wife and all, but let's run some tests. They run a test and he has a stage four um tumor in his brain. Oh my gosh. And said you know, he might have 30 days, 60 days, 90 days. They didn't know.
Speaker 2:Um had a friend that I went to elementary school with who owns a cancer center out in this area. We went out and saw him and they were just phenomenal. Um, I would never forget one of the best conversations. So to give you an idea of kind of who my family is and kind of how we dealt with stuff I'll never forget. They're sitting there and they're telling my dad that you know, the radiologist and the oncologist and all are talking to him. My sister and my brother and I are all sitting there and we're holding back tears. You know, we know what this means. This is bad. They're telling my dad well, you know, we're going to go through chemo, we're going to go through radiation. Mr Kirk, they said you are what we like to call in the medical industry, a tough son of a bitch. So we are going to throw it all at you. You know you're 80 years old, but we're going to give it to you like you're 30. And if you can't handle it, we're back it off.
Speaker 2:But I feel like that, you know, and of course my brother and sister and I. There's a million questions. You know, can he live? Can he make it through this? Is he going to be sick? I mean all this stuff, not my dad. My dad says I just really have one question. And the doctor says sure, what is it? He goes am I going to lose my hair? The doctor looked at him and walks over and pats him on the back and goes no, superman, you're going to be okay. What we do, your hair is not going to fall out. My dad was like, okay, yeah, this is good, let's do this.
Speaker 2:So it was one of those times that I will absolutely never forget and it just kind of tells you that's how my family has faced. You know everything as we've gone through it and I, you know I certainly learned a lot from my mom and dad and brother, but that was one of those things that my brother and sister and I still laugh about. All my dad was worried about is am I going to look good? I know I'm going through this crap, but I'm as my. Don't make me lose my hair, you know Sure.
Speaker 2:So the support for my brother you know losing his kids was all over the place because within 18 months we lost Brittany and Connor, we lost my mom and we lost my dad. So dad ended up making it about a year. Um did fantastic, um ended up beating the cancer. But you know, through going through chemo and radiation and everything else he ended up with um some complications with thrush in his throat and some other infections. You know, it's just it's. It's bad at that point. You know the you beat the cancer and something else gets you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we do. My wife and I do a lot of work with pediatric cancer patients and it's it's basically, you know, the chemotherapy attacks every organ, whether it's healthy or or unhealthy, and yeah, that's's. That's what we're trying to fund is better treatments and better yeah, so yeah, you know and um.
Speaker 2:So it was it. It. You know, the whole family was grieving over the kids. We were grieving over mom, we were grieving over dad and everybody was, of course, you know, worried about my brother still is to this day. Um, as soon as I'm done, I'm actually going up to meet him to go work on cars and mess with stuff that my dad was a mechanic. So we grew up to, you know, piddling with cars and race cars and doing stuff, and my brother and I, almost every weekend, still get together and work on cars and do stuff.
Speaker 2:But there wasn't really there's never a right way or a wrong way to support somebody going through any of this. And you know, I know that firsthand, but nobody really knew how do you support my brother? I mean, there was support that came in from all over the world. This was an international story. I had friends in India that were sending me messages. I heard what happened. I mean, it was just a huge story. You know, a police officer murders his wife and then two kids, and you know all that. All that happened. It was just, I don't know that to support him was just literally being there for whatever he was. You know, there was a lot of times where I would say for probably the first six, seven, eight years we didn't see my brother. You know he wouldn't come out of the basement, basically for Christmas, for holidays, for birthdays or anything, he didn't want to be around it. And I remember thinking, well, that can't be the best way. I understand differently now. But at that point, you know, I looked at that and thought is that really the you know the right way? Well, there is no right or wrong way. Now it's very different. Now my brother's at you know every family event we have and you know, runs around with all my great nephews and nieces. So my nephew and nieces, my brother's nephew, both of our nephew nieces, their kids are anywhere between one and 13 now. So my brother's in the middle of all that and loves that. I mean, he was a fantastic dad, so it's good to see him. You know part of all that. But there's, you know, like I said, I lost my brother that day as well as my nephew and niece.
Speaker 2:And fast forward a few years after that all happened and I'm running the gym, my partners and I had a business falling out. I ended up walking away from the gym, went to corporate said I want this business back, I don't like the way it's being run. They said hang in, if you want it, you'll get it back. They're going to lose it. Long story short, they did and I came back in. The business was struggling and I came in and I remember sending out an email, a text message, to my entire family. I said the gym is mine, I'm back. I said I need some help, all hands on deck for me to make this gym survive. I need as much help as I can from anybody, anywhere, whatever you guys can, whether it's working at the front desk or helping me with books or whatever.
Speaker 2:Seven o'clock the next morning my brother came walking into the gym and he never left until the doors closed three, four years later and he was, you know, just absolutely a huge part of it. People at the gym loved him. My brother knew business backwards and forwards, knows business backwards and forwards, you know, helped with books and loans and money and just the customer service aspect. And you know, he and I being able to be there and be together and laugh and joke around and and just be part of it. And again, everybody at the gym knew his story.
Speaker 2:I mean, you want to talk about a community that rallied together. That was really my first impact on, or my first eye opening experience with, the impact that the gym community, you know, kind of has. So, um, it was, there was no specifically. I guess he supported us as much as we did him, you know, yeah, um, and then you know, fast forward how many years later, when I'm going through it myself, um, nobody was there more for me, you know, than my brother, and he, I mean the instance that happened, he knew kind of what to say and now, and I mean I'll go hang out with him this afternoon, and there was a long period of time where my brother wouldn't talk about Brittany and Connor.
Speaker 1:Just he, just you know that's not what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and now I talk about him all the time, you know, and my deal with Sophia. I know we'll get to that, but I want to talk about every conversation she comes up and there's a lot of people that are uncomfortable with that. You know they're. Oh, did he just mention her? You know people will say in the gym hey, have you ever eaten over at that? You know, korean barbecue. Oh man, that's Sophia and I's favorite. We love that place and I'll kind of see people go Sophia, like is it okay? Did he mention him? You're not going to cry, like I might cry, I don't know, but I'm still going to talk about her. Um, my brother wasn't necessarily like that in the beginning, you know. Um, he is now. So now it's great we can have conversations about the kids and funny things they did and so, um, and the same thing with Sophia. So it's, you know I I've watched him come through a lot and really grow through it over the last. I guess almost it'll be 15 years this February. Um, what happened?
Speaker 1:to the murderer.
Speaker 2:He got six consecutive life sentences so he'll never see the light of day. He's in lockdown, 23 and a half hours um in solitary, because he's a cop and a kid killer so they can't put him in general population or he'll be murdered in five minutes. So, yeah, he's at a facility down in Southern Virginia somewhere and he'll never, ever see the light of day. And you know, in the beginning I remember thinking, you know, we all wanted the death penalty. Oh, and I don't care what your political or religious views are when something happens to you close, that changes everything. And they decided to pull that. They didn't think they were going to be able to convict him.
Speaker 2:Which dude murdered three people. How are you not going to get this? But they got it and, like I said, he has six consecutive life sentences so he'll never, ever, ever see anything. He gets 30 minutes out of a cell. Now, in retrospect I'm glad that's what he got, because you think about that, you know a little six by eight concrete room and you see nobody all day long. I mean I go crazy. When I'm home Saturday and Sunday by myself, I start talking to the plants and stuffed animals and Lord knows what. You know, I can't imagine something like that so.
Speaker 1:Well, and I've I've talked to a couple of death row experts and they say that it's actually the worst thing that you can pursue as a victim or victim's family, because there's going to be decades of appeals and you're going to have to relive that episode every time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're we're happy with the outcome, you know, in retrospect, but that was really the the beginning of a tumultuous uh, you know, I don't know 10, 12, 15 years of stuff. Hopefully all that crap's done it's probably not. I like to think that, but you know, sometimes God has different plans Um, but that was really the first just kind of tragedy. That sort of set everything off. And when I had put that post on about talking about you know, I had a lot of people. You should write a story, you should, you should write a book, you should talk about what's going on and how you guys dealt with this. And I just didn't really know what. You know who, why, what am I going to put together? You know that kind of thing. So it wasn't really until I went through some more stuff and got to where I am now, where that made sense.
Speaker 1:Well, you went through some more stuff. You ended up getting the gym, but I think you lost the gym.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, it was just too far gone. It had a bad reputation. We had a bad lease. There were issues in the building. We ended up moving down the street and changing.
Speaker 2:Now the corporate um, the people that own powerhouse gyms overall the family is just amazing. The um dabishes they've been in the gym industry since 1968 or 69. It was Joe gold who owns all the gold gym, like they are the original. You know got amazing family, completely supportive Um, and it was just.
Speaker 2:It was a struggle. It was a struggle for me to pay bills. It was a struggle for me to do anything I'll never forget. Finally, talking to Will Dabish one day, I'm like, well, I don't know what to do. I'm a wreck. I don't sleep, I can't pay anybody, you know, just over and over. And he was like Kel, walk away, it's not worth it, this is not worth your health, this is not worth anything. He's like good people lose businesses. It is what it is. If you want another one, we'll get you another one at some point. He's like don't do this to yourself, walk away. And that was kind of the first time that I think anybody had told me hey, it's okay if you fail. You know you're gonna, you're gonna fail and figure something else out. So, yeah, I lost the gym. Before I lost the gym is when I had met Sophia. So she, I work for the IFBB and the NPC around here, which is the two organizations.
Speaker 1:Professional bodybuilding.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I work at the Olympia. I work at the Mr Olympia the last couple of years so I'm backstage expediting and helping set people up and stuff like that. All from relationships from back in the 90s. So you know, I tell everybody now I teach high school so I tell the kids now do not burn bridges, you have no idea where somebody you know is going to come into your life two decades from now. So the man who is kind of in charge and my direct boss and I have BBNPC he and I trained at the same gym back in the early to mid 90s and we kind of crossed paths. He's like hey, do you want to work a show? I own the gym. We started putting stuff together and the gym supported it. Then all of a sudden, here I am. I do you know?
Speaker 1:13 to 17 shows a year, plus the Olympia.
Speaker 2:So you know it's not a huge paying job, but it's a it's what I love to do. Well, and you're, you're around your people. Yeah, absolutely. So I was working, um, at you know, own powerhouse and Sophia had seen one of the shows. Um, she was a cellist, she played cello and she was at the school, had come back to help the band director or something, and she was in there and talking to the band director and she had been working out herself, not at Powerhouse. And I just saw her band director or orchestra director two weeks ago and she was telling me a story she said I'll never forget. She said Sophia's over there and she's telling all the students about her working out. And she's like, yeah, I've got abs. Now, you wouldn't believe this. Like, look at this, I've got abs. She's pulling her shirt up and showing them. And Miss Woods, her orchestra instructor, comes over and she's like Sophia, what are you doing? Oh, I started working out. Ms Woods, you wouldn't believe this, I know it's been, you know, five, six years. She just punched me in the stomach, sophia, I'm not punching you in this. No, it's okay, go ahead. And she said all the students were like, yeah, go ahead, it's okay. No, I'm not punching you in the stomach. But that was kind of who Sophia was. She couldn't wait, you know.
Speaker 2:So she walked into Powerhouse one day and, um, I wasn't there. Had a guy at the front desk calls me. He goes hey, had a, had a girl come through here, wanted to sign up, and I said, okay, did you get her a membership? Nope, she only wanted to talk to you. Okay, well, I'll be back.
Speaker 2:So a couple hours later I get there and she comes walking in and this cute little ball of fire comes walking in hi, I want to see about getting a membership. And I said, oh, okay, so I'm taking her around the gym and you know, I'm trying to be the professional but also act cool. Here's this cute girl and I'm like you know, do you, do you work out? You know, do you know anything about the gym? Oh, I'm trying, but I don't know much. So, of course, I'm like well, here's the leg press and this is how this works your quads, and if you put your feet this way and then you're gonna curl, we have this. And she's like oh, wow, I didn't. She knew every damn thing I was talking to her about. She was working me a hundred times harder than I was working.
Speaker 2:Her she had seen me at one of the bodybuilding shows, found out that I owned the gym, wanted to meet me, so she came over and decided to join the gym. So, um, her and I I don't know within two weeks, went out on our first date, went to DC and wandered around, saw the monuments and, you know, just hit it off. Um, there was a huge age gap. We both had issues with that. We were both worried about what's everybody going to say? What do we do? How does this going to work? You know, and my family and our friends especially were like who cares? Is she good to you? Yeah, I've never had anybody be so good to me. You love her? Yeah, I mean, I don't know, I think so. You know, it's brand new. Who cares? And I'm like, okay, and in our little bodybuilding world, nobody cared. In our gym world, nobody cared. We had the same interest, you know.
Speaker 2:Um, well, same interest, except for music absolutely that's what I was and I was gonna say is she, we, she? You know, I would make a movie reference from the 80s and she would go huh who? Or she would play something. I'm like who, who the hell is bad bunny I? I don't know that's music, but I know Bugs Bunny you know it was.
Speaker 2:It was a hot mess, but none of that mattered. You know it's so funny. One of her favorite movies was Smokey and the Bandit. That's what 1977, 76 something, and she loved that. So I would call her Frog that was what he would call her. So and she had gotten, so I would call her frog that was what he, you know. He would call her um. So and she had gotten me into some of her new stuff. But we just fit, you know our. We ended up um kind of. What got me to to through everything is I. We had been dating about six months, I lost the gym and you were living in your car yeah.
Speaker 2:So I lost the gym and, um, everybody in the area was furious with me not everybody, but a good portion. Oh, he, he must. You took millions and ran away and, believe me, if I had millions, this place would still be open. You know, I'm not embezzling money and hauling ass somewhere, um, and I ended up. I have a smart car, not like it was a big station wagon. So I had a smart car and I and I lived in it. Um, at a rest stop and I would move rest stops every night, I would change and the police would come up and knock on the window. You, okay, yeah, I'm good.
Speaker 2:And I was working odd jobs off of Craigslist and I lied to everyone, to my family. My friends, my family would say, hey, where are you staying? Are you okay? What are you doing? Yeah, I'm good, I'm staying with a friend. My friends, hey, where are you staying? I'm okay, I'm staying with my family. I lied to everybody.
Speaker 2:The only person that knew was Sophia, really, and I fully expected her to be like peace out. This dude lost his business what a loser living in his car. And she was the other way around. She's just supported me. You can do this. What do you? You know what do you want to do? Let's find a way out of this. She helped whenever she could. I couldn't stay with her. She was renting a room, you know, from a family, so it wasn't like it was an option for me to go, you know, even mooch off of her or something. So we just made it work as best we could.
Speaker 2:And a couple months into me, living in my car, a friend of mine from Gold's Gym Corporate, which I had worked at in the early 2000s. He owns a gym not far from here and he and I were talking and he said you know, do you guys need a membership? And I said, yeah, sophia and I you know my girlfriend we would love a membership. I said I can't afford one anywhere. We haven't really been able to train and she wants to compete and all. And he says well, I'll tell you what he says. I will give you both a membership on one condition. And I said sure, what's that? He said you show up every day and you use it. I'm not going to give it to you, it's not going to be used, but if you're going to use it, I'll give it to you. And I said let's do it, so he gave it to us.
Speaker 2:I remember going to Walmart I had $43 to my name and I bought $43 somewhere. I had a picture of the food. It was literally tuna, peanut butter and jelly bread, a bag, five pound bag of rice, like whatever I could get to kind of hit my bodybuilding macros, you know, and kind of get my head into this. Sophia and I walked into the gym the next morning at 4.30 and we started training together every day before she would go to work and we'd meet up again afterwards.
Speaker 2:Six months down the road my physical started getting better. I was 225 pounds, fat, blood pressure high, just everything was a mess. Six months later my physical started getting better and realized, as my physical got better, so did my mental and life just kind of felt like it was turning around. I was still a mess, still depressed over the gym, still didn't really have a job or know what I was going to do, but I was kind of putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward, took a job substituting at high school here my mom was a teacher and a substitute and I thought, well, here's, you know, 95 bucks a day. At least I can work and I can still go interview for other stuff if I need to.
Speaker 2:I had to work, as I said, all kinds of odd jobs off of Craigslist and stuff like that. And I started subbing and I found out I love that job. And I had another person contact from Powerhouse who owned 13 Subway restaurants around here and he had offered for me to come in and be like a regional general manager have 13. And I said, yeah, I could do that. I said, but I promised the. I had a long term sub gig I was covering for a teacher that they had let go. I said I promised the school and these kids I was going to stay here until the end of June.
Speaker 2:I can't start until then. You know, can I work part time? And he goes yeah, that let's, let's teach you how to be. You know, working in a subway you can learn like one of the kids. So I would work until two 15 at the high school, drive down to the local subway and go in there and put an apron on and work with these high school kids. Being a sandwich artist, I am the worst tuna sandwich maker. Oh my God ever. I'm like this is definitely not my skill. But now when I go in there now and those people are, you know, putting this stuff on the bread and folding it over. There's a skill to that and I didn't have it.
Speaker 1:Um, let me ask you about this work ethic. Okay, uh, so you're teaching and then you go become a sandwich artist. Um, was that? I mean, that's a massive work ethic. So was that a proponent or a component of bodybuilding, or did bodybuilding give you that work ethic?
Speaker 2:My dad gave me that work ethic. Okay, I'm literally coming off right now. A week ago, for the previous eight weeks before this, my days have started at 415 in the morning and ended at about 1030 or 11 at night walking in the door. So my dad, just I never saw him be sick. I never saw him take a day off. You just work. That's what you did. You know he was that generation, that World War Two generation there was. It was a different breed and that's what I grew up seeing.
Speaker 2:So I think that probably helped when I got to bodybuilding. And I am actually better with everything else in my life when I am actively competing or prepping for a show, because you have to be so organized and so prepped and everything has to be structured, to be so organized and so prepped and everything has to be structured. You know I'm nine weeks out from Team U, team Universe in New Jersey, which is a pro qualifier in July, and I have every minute of my day pretty much mapped out. You know Sundays are kind of my one day that I get to take a little breath, but the other six days, you know, I know where I am, 24-7. So it forces you at that level, to be more organized and have a different type of work ethic.
Speaker 1:The discipline that you have to have for that sport is just it's ungodly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you know, Sophia probably helped you stay disciplined.
Speaker 2:Nobody worked harder than Sophia. I've been around top pro bodybuilders my entire life, adult life and nobody worked harder than her. She just you top pro bodybuilders my entire life, adult life and nobody worked harder than her. She just you know. Sophia and I love to eat, but we are both foodies and we love to eat. And she's four foot 11, you know, 113 pounds. So she's tiny but she could out eat me and everybody else. And love to sleep, love to lay around and rest.
Speaker 2:But when prep started at 415 and that alarm went off, those little feet hit the floor and I'm laying in bed. Oh babe, 15 more minutes. No, let's go, let's go, let's go. We got to do cardio, let's go. Like there was nothing. She never missed a beat, not on workouts, not on diet. There is no cheating, there is. It's just it wasn't an option with her. I've never. You know people would say, oh she's, she's obsessed. I'm like obsessed, no, dedicated, yes, you know. Or what's? What's her motive? What's your motivation? It's not motivation, it's dedication. Motivation only takes you so far. You know that'll get you through a Rocky song and a picture will get you through a workout, or, you know, a couple of sets. It's dedication having to get up and go do stuff when you don't you know, don't want to do it.
Speaker 1:And how do you, how do you learn that? How do you, how do you build that?
Speaker 2:I don't know. I don't know if you do, I don't know if you build it or if you instill it. I think I think it's on that every single day. Now, really, at this point still we're coming up on three years since her passing If I had my choice, I wouldn't get out of bed any day. I'm perfectly happy to lay in bed and look at pictures and be upset and bawl my eyes out and just be a wreck, and I can't, because she would have my ass if I did that, you know, and that's not who she was and that's not who she wanted me to be.
Speaker 2:And that was kind of where the so the teaching thing came about. They offered me a job at the school I was substituting and I said, heck, yeah, teaching nutrition, which was right up my alley. I went and got all my certifications and did everything I needed to do and I started teaching. And I have never in my life had somebody be so proud of me as Sophia was when I got that teaching job. And for me I was like it's a teaching job. This is the worst paying job I've had since I was 18. Who did I teach? You know, I've always been in sales. I worked for the Redskins. I've sold into the operating room. I sold cell phones when they first came out with Sprint and Nextel. That's all I've done is sales and my own stuff. So for me to have a job where you show up and go to the same place every day and get the same paycheck completely different, but I got in there and found out that I loved it, love these kids, just love being able to I don't know teach them and it's something that I'm passionate about.
Speaker 2:And then Sophia and I started our own nutrition company. We are haters and everybody was kind of doing keto. That was the big thing. And we're like low carb that's awful. Everybody's done low carb to bodybuild. That's horrible. Baby, let's try this keto thing for like two weeks so we can do some posts and tell people how horrible it is. We started doing it two weeks into it. It was miserable. We felt terrible, looked terrible, awful, and we were both ready to quit.
Speaker 2:And I was on an online forum and met a guy who was a scientist at National Institutes of Health and he started talking to me. He said I don't know anything about bodybuilding, but he said we use this in the medical community all the time. We use the keto diet for kids with epilepsy and a bunch of different medical treatments. Would you be interested if I could show you how to do this diet at a 20% caloric deficit and preserve 90 to 95% of your muscle, versus a standard diet where you only preserve 60 to 65%? I said that's, that's the Holy grail of bodybuilding. Hell yeah, and he didn't know bodybuilding and I didn't know the medical and we kind of meshed it together and figured it out and Sophia and I launched a company and that's been seven years ago, I guess now. So we, you know, teach people how to do healthy keto, not the crap you see on TikTok of go eat three pounds of bacon and some although bacon's good, but you know it's. How do you do this, how do you do it and stay healthy? So we launched that company I started teaching.
Speaker 2:She was competing. Life was just, you know, heading in the in the right direction. She wanted to, you know, get her pro card. She had taken first at two national shows, um, and we just just loved it, you know it was.
Speaker 2:It was one of those where I remember having a conversation with her that, you know, babe, everybody always says, oh, stuff happens for a reason.
Speaker 2:And you know, oh, god only gives you what you can handle and he's doing this. So you're going to deal with that and stuff that I had never believed. And at that point and I said, you know what, maybe this is why I went through losing the gym and losing Brittany and Connor and my mom and dad. And then you walking in and like because now we're finally at that place where things are moving forward and it's coming together and it's all because of everything I've been through, you know, I think a lot of that I would. I would never have been where I was even then had I not been through some of the bad stuff. It's ironic now for me to look back and say that. But at that point, you know, having that conversation with her, I just remember it being, you know, very powerful and even though there was this huge age difference between the two of us, like I said, nobody, nobody cared. It didn't matter to us and it didn't matter to anybody that cared about us in this world you know it was fine.
Speaker 1:If they're true family and they're true friends all they should care about is your happiness, and you found that happiness, and Sophia found that happiness in in each other. And so I, who cares about age? It's just a number, man, it's just a number.
Speaker 2:Well, that that thought went away. You know, within the first, I don't know, six, seven months, we were like who cares, it is what it is. You know, her friends love, love me. My friends loved her. Um, and in the bodybuilding world, we, just, you know, we worked every weekend, we were working at a different show, you know, we traveled, we went to different gyms, we ate and ate, and ate, and ate and ate, um, and, just you know, had a, had a blast. So, um, it's, I don't know, it's one of those things that I sit here now and go how the? You know, how the heck was I lucky enough to find it and how the heck was I unlucky enough to to lose it in some way, shape or form.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, I don't, I don't, I don't know if it's, if it's, unlucky, though, because you did find it, you know, I mean, and, and so at the age of 27, which is three years ago, she passes away in her sleep, and it was unidentified causes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was a heart attack, but there's, we don't know the reason behind it no-transcript. Exploring on my own with some people that I knew that are, um, high level, some very well-known um pathologists, and they have some ideas. Maybe could have been something with her kidney or liver um bladder. She had had some bladder infections that never got taken care of. Um, you know, for about a week before everything happened, before she passed, she had had headaches and joint pains and stuff like that, but nothing that was a red flag to either of us that were like, oh my God, we better get to the hospital, what's going on? We're having joint pains, okay. Well, you're working out twice a day, you know, and going a hundred miles an hour. You had a headache, all right. Well, we're stressed, like I mean, just, you know they weren't anything, it wasn't some huge red flag where you're like, oh, my goodness, something has to happen.
Speaker 2:And her mom this was, you know, during covid or kind of towards the end or end, I guess, of covid. Her mom had not seen her in almost a year. Her mom lives in Jacksonville and called Sophia on Monday and said, hey, I'm coming to see you, I'll be up on, I'll be up on Thursday I'm going to be in town, let's get a hotel and you can stay there and we can hang out and go to lunch. And she's like, should I take off work? She's like, no, go to work, I've got stuff during the day but we'll hang out at night and go to dinner and all. So the last time I saw her was that Wednesday morning I guess it was Wednesday. Her mom came in, so Wednesday morning we got up and went to the gym together and that was it. We were going to see each other on Saturday to work a local bodybuilding show here, and Friday night about 1230, my phone rang and it was her mom.
Speaker 2:And you know, having had that phone call with mom and dad and Brittany and Connor and never a good thing when your phone rings, you know, in the middle of the night, it's just, it's just not. And I remember my heart sinking before I even answered the phone and with no reason to have that thought, you know, and the you know the words from her mom will play in my ears, just like the vision of Brittany when I first saw her. I I try those are things that I try not to go back to, but I do. I absolutely have PTSD from you know everything that I've been through.
Speaker 2:There are triggers that will set stuff off. Sometimes it'll set me off to where I end up, you know, bawling my eyes out, but more so, a lot of times it'll freeze me. You know, something will hit and that thought will just play in my head over and over again. And there's times where I'll find myself sitting at the kitchen table for two hours, not on my phone, not listening to music, just literally there. And you know, I know that's a, that's a trauma response.
Speaker 1:Well, I got. I gotta say that, uh, in talking to you right now and watching your speech at lifts for Sophia, you're a thousand percent changed. I mean, you're a thousand percent better right now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm, I'm, I know how to navigate through it. Yeah, um, how I just keep moving. I honestly, I talk to her every single day. There's a I don't know if we can there, she is sitting on my other, you know she's there. Um, I talked to her. I tell her about my day. I do the same things that her and I always did.
Speaker 1:Um, well, and she talks to you too.
Speaker 2:A hundred percent. There have been so many things that I can't wait.
Speaker 1:I can't wait for you to share those stories. But uh, uh, I want to talk about you becoming a teacher and she she worked in a pediatric dental office. Yes, she's not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she's not going to care about the paycheck you're bringing in right another similarity that you two had was love for children yep yeah, so I mean, that's a love, that's a love hate for children, because there were plenty of days where she was going oh my god, I wanted to beat this little kid and I'm like, yeah, because I wanted to beat one of mine, so we had both. Yeah, but you don't, and you love them and you come back the next day.
Speaker 1:But and the reason I say that it was you know, you had this in common. She was your swole mate and I love that man Swole mate Because you know when your body gets swole. Yeah, who coined that?
Speaker 2:Probably me at some point. I'm not sure.
Speaker 1:But yeah, probably me at some point. I'm not sure but, yeah, that was cool. I read that and I was like oh my God, that's so brilliant.
Speaker 2:We just worked you know, it's just, it just worked.
Speaker 2:There was never a question about it. And you know we've talked about whether I was lucky to have found her or unlucky to have lost her Absolutely lucky to have found her or unlucky to have lost her, absolutely lucky to have found her. I've been through so many relationships in my 50 now five years, 54 years. Some of them I screwed up and some of them they screwed up. And I'm still friends with most of my exes. I still talk to them randomly and they understand. You know how it was with Sophia and I and they know ones that I messed up and ones they messed up. But no relationship was like this one. It just wasn't. And I don't mean that as a dig towards anybody else I ever dated. This was just one. We just worked. It was easy and that's what it was is. There was no jealousy. We both supported each other. So many things that I had gone through in other relationships. That was difficult.
Speaker 1:I never dealt with here, you know isn't it crazy how, with age, you can look back on things and say oh yeah, that's where I messed up, or that's? Where I could have been better. You know, with age comes that, that experience and that wisdom, and then, when you find easy, I've got the same thing. You know what it's supposed to feel like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you know, I, I, I, now I'm, you know.
Speaker 2:I'm 55 and I say, and I feel like I'm much better in a relationship than I'm not in a relationship, but we're coming up on three years and the idea of that, I can't even entertain it, you know, and I don't. I'm. I know you never say never, but at this point I think, sophia, that was it, I'm good, you know. Am I lonely? Yeah, I'm lonely as hell most days. Do I wish there was somebody to share, you know stuff with? Yeah, I get old, going to eat at our restaurants by herself and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Are there people that I could go out with and stuff like that?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, but I'd rather not, you know, and I think if I was younger and maybe hadn't been through a lot of relationships, it would be different. Let me go see what's out there and let me see what I know what's out there and I know what I had. So I feel like for me to go on a date with somebody or to try and end up in another relationship would be unfair to that person, because everything would be compared to Sophia and that's not something anybody can live up to. You know, yeah, and every relationship is different, but it wouldn't be fair to them. I feel like it wouldn't be fair to Sophia, you know, even though everybody says, oh, you know she wants you to be happy at now, I'm sure, but we also laughed and joked about she didn't want me to be with anybody else, I don't want her to be with it. You know, after having had that with her, I keep her alive through the foundation, through, like I said, I talk to her every single day.
Speaker 1:You know this necklace here I was going to ask you about the necklace because it's, it's it's the symbol of two, two, two muscle, which is the foundation you started for the Sophia Graham foundation. We're going to talk about that because what you're doing with it is phenomenal, and it goes back to something you said earlier about the guy who gave you a gym membership. It's perfect, but her ashes you've had them welded in to that necklace.
Speaker 2:So we each had one of these bodybuilding necklaces with a barbell on it Hers was the top one, mine was the bottom one. We each had it and wore it. There's a company and they actually donate money to the foundation every month Good friends of mine, brent's Blaine, and they make these necklaces and she and I each had one and wore it and when everything happened I actually had hers opened up and put her ashes inside of her dumbbell and closed it. And at our school we have a welding program and I took it to one of my friend that runs the welding program and I had him welded into this kind of cross or X and I wear this religiously every day and then this is what ended up turning into the logo for the foundation.
Speaker 1:You know, a few months later, so yeah, if you're watching this on YouTube, I've got the logo right up on the screen right there and and there's the. There's the link to the website. But for everybody who's listening on audio, what is the website?
Speaker 2:So the website is the Sophia Graham foundationorg, or you can also go to 222 musclecom. Either one of them will take you to the same same website, and we are the only mental health organization in the country, maybe in the world that focuses on mental health through physical strength. There's not another one out there, and we're a full 501c3 nonprofit.
Speaker 1:You give memberships to gyms for people who are struggling with mental health issues.
Speaker 2:Yep. So our mission statement is to lift people who feel the weight of the world on their shoulders and provide improved mental health through the pursuit of physical strength. So the idea is anybody if you talk to anybody that goes to the gym has been through something. You know, I talk at a lot of bodybuilding shows and I'll speak to people and I'll say, hey, you know, it'd be 200 people in the audience. Everybody in here is.
Speaker 2:You know why? Why did you guys think about why you started working out? Some of us started working out because we wanted to lose weight. Doctor said you had high blood pressure. You know, most of us started working out whether we want to admit or not, because you wanted to look better. A lot of us.
Speaker 2:You started working out because you went through a breakup you were dealing with. You know, coming out of drug addiction. You know, lost your job. There was all these different things that would. That would happen. And when you start going to the gym as I said, it happened with me six months into it your physical starts getting better and so does your, your mental.
Speaker 2:So what we do is we provide gym memberships to anybody who is going through a trauma or tragedy in life where this gym membership might save their life or turn their life around as it, as it did mine. So we've provided memberships all across the country. Most of the time what's nice is the gym owners, the small gym owners. They will donate, you know, a membership. They'll give it to me. If that's the case, then sometimes we'll help pay for training or help pay for home equipment. Some of the students that I've had I've bought BOSU bands and balls and dumbbells and stuff for them to be able to have at home. You know I say working out or gym membership. It doesn't have to be that. You know, maybe working out is getting your butt outside and going for a bike ride. You know it's. There's so much science behind the endorphins that are released when you, when you exercise, and what it does to your brain and the dopamine and the serotonin and all that stuff, that it's not just, you know, a crazy thought. There's science behind it.
Speaker 1:No, it's not a crazy thought when you've actually lived it, you can go.
Speaker 2:And when I asked this at the, at the bodybuilding shows, usually about 70% of the people will raise their hand yeah, yeah, we've been through that and I'm like, well, that that's what we do, you know. And to do it and have somebody by your side is, you know, completely different. There's a, there's a card that I have that she gave to me a few years ago. She convinced me to start competing after 19 years. I hadn't competed and I'm leaving getting ready to go to nationals, and she gave me a card and I want to have this card actually blown up and into, you know, on a wall in her handwriting. But it just talks about how far you can go with somebody's support and how you're my person and thank you so much for being there and everything you've ever done for me, and that blah blah. Just, you know I've got so many things like that from her that are why it's easy to keep her alive and keep moving and keep going. You know, moving forward. I just I don't, I don't know that it'll ever change.
Speaker 2:You know, like I said, I never say never, but right now I'm, I'm good with it's still her and I you know, and in many ways, and I, you know I say that sometimes and I, you know, I'll tell my friends or my family, my sister, I'm like I'm batshit crazy and they're like why. I'm like cause I walk around the house and talk to her all day long, but when I do it and a light will flicker or a song will come on or 222 will pop up somewhere. You know, I know I'm doing the right thing. So I was just in a production of the Wizard of Oz at school Nice Talk about biting off more than you can chew. So she loved me teaching. So one of the things I've really pushed for this year, I'm the senior class sponsor. I've sponsored these kids for all four years. So, um, you know, I've helped go through everything from homecoming to prom to senior pranks, to you name it.
Speaker 2:So I had asked the uh the director uh, probably about eight weeks ago Now they were getting ready to start the wizard of Oz production and I said hey. I said you know, there's a little 30 second piece where I could come out and do a little cameo and a dance and be a munchkin or something funny and make everybody laugh. I'd really Mr Kirk. And I said, yeah, she goes. Okay, show up to a rehearsal the next day. I showed up nine and a half minutes of me dancing and singing like a damn munchkin Way more, and I was like I can't do this, I can't do this. And all I could hear was Sophia laughing and going oh, baby, and Snuggles was like Snuggles, you could do this. You've got to do this. This would be so much fun and she just would have loved it. So I show up for the show the very first night and the director had a front row seat with her name on it said, reserved for Sophia. Graham had a purple flower for her.
Speaker 2:I love the fact that everybody in my life my students know her story. They have her on Instagram and Facebook. Everybody just gets it. They know our story, they know that's where I am and they support it and it's just awesome. But what I was going to say with her was so the very last night of the show, next to last night, last Saturday, I'm on my way to school to go to this next to final performance and I'm talking to her and we have a app called Marco Polo where you can leave video voicemails and it's great.
Speaker 2:I use it for friends and family and clients and she and I lived on it every day. She would go to the gym in the morning, I'd go to the other gym and we'd message back and forth and she'd send me videos of her at work all day and the kids and vice versa. So I still have several hundred of them saved. So I'm driving down and I'm scrolling through and I clicked on one randomly, completely random, and it pops up and it's her and she says hey, baby. She said I love working out with you in the morning. I just gone to work out today. She said I love working out with you in the morning. So I'm glad I got to see you today, but I'm really bummed I'm not going to get to see you tonight. Now, I have no idea where this message was from, but to me I took that as my performance, you know she's not going to get to and I was like man.
Speaker 2:So there's just so many powerful things that have happened. You know, with that, the two, two, two came about because when I was homeless and had been living in my car, a friend of my, friend of ours, had offered for me to come stay with her, and I'm staying in this in her condo. Came home one day, long story short, the house flooded and they moved her into a hotel. She's like well, it's a two bedroom hotel, so come stay in the hotel with me, you know, until you figure stuff out. So I'm over there hanging out. Sophia is on her way over to hang out with us. That night she texts me. She says baby, I'm on my way over to see you and Sherry, what room are you in? I said we're in room two, two, two. Come on up. She writes back and says 222, is that on the first floor? No, babe, 222 is on the second floor. 111 or 122 would be on the first floor, right? So that became this running joke 222 is on the first floor. We all, everybody, laughed about it.
Speaker 2:Fast forward, six months later she's getting ready for her first figure physique show that I helped her with local show. Her number was two, two, two. She wins the show, wins the overall, fast forward. Again. A year later we're at um. Junior nationals or junior USA is one of the big shows for her to get her pro card 1500 competitors. Her number comes up two, two, two, same thing wins both of her classes. So two, two, two is just kind of always our number, and you know the amount of times that it comes up. Two, two, two same thing, wins both of her classes. So two, two, two is just kind of always our number, and you know the amount of times that it comes up. Now I'll be sound asleep in the middle of the night and I there's been two or three times where I've literally felt a tap on my shoulder or something move and I'll roll over and I'll wake up and oh, let me get up and go pee and I'll look at the Lips for Sophia.
Speaker 1:There was a 2-2-2 reference you made in that and it was absolutely eerie when I heard it the hair on my arms.
Speaker 2:It might have been. I was working a show. I was working one of the first bodybuilding shows without her Jay Cutler Classic down in Richmond, and Jay Cutler was one of her idols. You know he's six time Mr Olympia. Great guy, Super, super, super guy. I'm down there, I work the early part of the show. I go back to the room. Normally I get back to the room and that's when her and I would talk smack about everybody, Did you see?
Speaker 1:so-and-so, and what about?
Speaker 2:such-and-such. You know that's what we all do. And I get back to the room and I'm just a mess, I'm bawling my eyes out. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this and I'm crying. And I'm texting back and forth with one of our friends who is also a dental hygienist, who also judges at shows, and I've known her and her husband for years and I'm messaging back and forth with her.
Speaker 2:And earlier that day I had put a post on Instagram or Facebook something, and I said this is going to be really hard without you. You know, let's try this or something. And I'm talking to this lady back and forth, karen, and Karen's like are you okay? And I said no, I don't know if I can do this. I said I'm just, karen, I'm done. I don't know. And she's, like you like, done with bodybuilding. And I go no, I think I'm done. I don't. I'm not being morbid, but I don't think I want to do this anymore. I'm like I'm done. This is not what I signed up for. I want to go be with her. You know I'm I'm done. And I literally Kara was like no, you know, you'll be fine, we'll see you tomorrow morning. We, you know, we love you and I'm laying there on my bed in the hotel room and I opened up Instagram and I clicked on it and it came up with 222 views and I was like oh okay.
Speaker 2:That may have been. So there's a lot of things with her. It's it's usually more than one thing. I was coming home from seven 11, there's a seven 11 right across the street. I'm walking back to the house this was a few months ago and as I'm walking back to the house I'm having a conversation with her out loud again. I'm sure the neighbors are going. Who's that crazy old guy you know walking? And I was like babe. I said I sure do wish you were here. I said I know you're here, but I said I wish you were here and I could just find some way that I could give you a hug. And I stopped and I looked up at the sky and the streetlight and I have this one video because I was might have been talking to one of my friends. I looked up and the streetlight went off and I went babe, was that you? Yeah, that's kind of weird. And the light flicked back on and I was like and I'm a skeptic, so I don't.
Speaker 2:I usually so I think, because I'm a skeptic, she generally throws two or three things at me. So I come walking into the house and I walk in and laying on my bed is the remote control for the TV and the red light on it power light is flashing on and off. Haven't touched it, nobody's been near it, nothing is okay and I walked over and I'm like I'm sure this has got to be you baby. And I worked over and I opened up Instagram and the post from that day 222 views and I'm like, okay, three things like that in a span of two and a half minutes. It's just not coincidence. You know, and I tell people, I don't care what you believe, I don't care what your religion is, what you think, where there is more to this world, in this life and what we see and I don't know what it is necessarily or how it works, but there is absolutely more than than what we see on a, you know, on a regular basis. So the people that have gone through similar stuff, you know they always ask me for advice and my only advice is talk to them. I promise you they hear.
Speaker 2:You know I didn't do that with my mom and dad. I didn't do that with Brittany and Connor, so I don't have a reference going further back, because it wasn't something that affected me that way or, you know, they weren't a part of every little piece of my life. You know, if you lose your parents, you lose your, your animal, you lose your, you know whatever. All of that is awful and it's, and it all hurts just the same and it puts a hole in your heart just the same. But when you lose your person, it affects everything. You know, we ate together, we trained together, we slept together, we vacation together, we worked together. It was everything.
Speaker 2:So there's not a single thing that I do that Sophia doesn't come into play. I can't mop the kitchen floor, you know, and there's a thought in my head of that, and she used to do this. Why the hell, you know, or whatever it is. So it's a very different type of loss. So it's a very different type of loss and I'm thankful for the people in my life when it happened that said you know, talk to her, talk to her, talk to her, talk to her. And I did, and I've never quit and I don't think I ever will.
Speaker 1:So, with all the signs that she's giving you, obviously she wasn't ready to leave either.
Speaker 2:No, I don't think so. And again, I don't know. You know I've been on a podcast or two. That's kind of been down the the faith based side of it, you know, and I and I told one lady, I said you, you might not like some of what I have to say, but I'm just going to be honest. It's my story and my experience. So you know they, they ask how do you? You know, do you believe in God and reasons? I don't know, I got a lot of anger built up. I don't know.
Speaker 2:I believe in something. I believe in Sophia. I believe that she's still here and still around me. So I know that there's something going on. You know I said, that being said, if I was in a car accident and they were rushing me to the hospital, the first thing I'm probably going to do is pray to God that I'm okay. So I said I understand the dichotomy there, you know, but I believe in her more than I believe in anything in her energy.
Speaker 2:And you know, having talked to psychics and red stuff and you know they talk about how a person's energy in life is a lot of times, how it will be, you know, after the fact, and I, like I said, I like the science, I like factual stuff. I'm a biohack nut. We use infrared, low level laser infrared. I have hydrogen infused water. I mean, she and I lived on and I won't do it unless there's some science behind it, you know, and there could be opposing views. But as long as I can line up behind some views that actually this is proven and it's kind of been the same way with signs from her it's very hard for me to just have that faith. But it's very easy for me to look at things that have happened and go, okay, all of these are energy related, they're light related, they're a number related, they're something on my cell phone, they're you know, um, yeah, there's physical manifestations absolutely.
Speaker 2:A week after um, everything happened. I was sitting at the gym, I had just gotten her necklace made. Sitting in the car, I'm holding this necklace, I'm sobbing my eyes out. I get in, I go out to the to um, into the gym and work out. I come back out, I get my car. My battery's dead, brand new, won't start. Guy pulls over, tries to jumpstart it Won't jumpstart. I put the little, a little jumper that I had on it Won't jumpstart, won't jumpstart.
Speaker 2:I'm like this is ridiculous, you know. And before I would just be able to pick up the phone and call her. Hey, babe, my car broke down. Can you come get me? Let's go get a battery or whatever. And I'm just like, what do I do? What do I do? And I'm sitting in my car and I'm holding this necklace and I'm crying and I'm talking to her and I'm like, babe, how I don't even know why my battery died. It's like two months old. Why is my battery dead? And now you're not even here to help me through this. God, if you could just please, please help me, tell me what I need to do. And I turned the car over and it started right up. Wow, the battery's been in it for three years. Why, how, how you know? Where can you explain that? You just can't. You know, and I've been around cars enough to know that that's just not how it happened.
Speaker 1:So she needed a conversation.
Speaker 2:She needed a conversation you know, and I looked at it and I kind of laugh now and I was like, OK, you haven't figured out your powers yet. You fucked up my battery is what you did.
Speaker 2:You know you made it die and now you had to go back and jump and get it going to make up for it because you screwed something up. So yeah, I just tell everybody you've got to, you got to talk to them. You know your friend with the dog that you said had passed away, I promise you that dog is still there and running around. If it was a little yippy dog and running around and yipping and nipping and biting and chewing, it's probably still there in some way, shape or form. I just I firmly believe all of that and I've talked to so many different people. You know Sophia had such an impact on people.
Speaker 2:I walk into 7-Eleven across the street. There's a guy in there. It's two o'clock in the morning. This was about two weeks after it happened Hindu. I end up having an hour long conversation about Hinduism, which I know nothing about, and the afterlife and what they believe and how and what you have to do and how you have to ground your feet to the go to the ocean and you ground it to the ocean, to the heavens and this hope we. There's a restaurant we go to. I walk in and, um, they were Muslim. Same thing, probably an hour long conversation about this.
Speaker 2:I have Catholic friends, I, you know it's just, and I'm happy to listen to all of this and the thing that I that is that is neat to me is there's no matter how different the religions are and how they practice religion different, what they think there's still a base is there's no matter how different the religions are and how they practice religion different, what they think there's still a base that there's something else there. You know that part doesn't change from one to the other, the other. So I love hearing all these different you know views and way things are and some I might agree with and some I don't, or some I question, but nonetheless, you know I don't take away from any of them and I love being able to hear that different stuff and tie it into. You know things that have that have happened with, with her and I.
Speaker 1:And it's so cool that strangers are trying to help you with you know your grief and give you these, give you these things to grasp onto, you know, I think that's very cool.
Speaker 2:She just made an impact. You know everywhere the people at 7-Eleven, because they were used to her coming in there. This restaurant we go to it's an all you can eat Brazilian steakhouse and I walk in a couple of weeks, two weeks after everything happened, and I sat down and I hadn't started the foundation or anything. So I'm just sitting there and I think I might've had one of her t-shirts or something with me and I'm ordering food and finally one of the waiters comes over and he says sir, he's, you know heavy Spanish accent. He says where is the beautiful woman that's usually with you? He said we were in the back and we feel like something terrible has happened. And I said, yeah, I said she passed away about two weeks ago. Oh, my goodness, the whole restaurant. They all come over that work there, they all sit down, they say a prayer, they're just there. It's.
Speaker 2:How did this girl make such an impact at a damn restaurant that we would go to, you know, once a month at 7-Eleven at every bodybuilding show, sophia, when you guys were working such and such a show, and she was backstage and she was the nicest person and helped me do this and helped me to just, I've never met anybody that's had such an impact on, you know, on so many people Certainly not me. So that's kind of how the foundation came. You know came around, I was having lunch with one of my best friends and I said I want to do something for her, but I don't know what. And he said well, what do you, you know, genuinely want to do? And I said I want to. I want to do for other people what she did for me. I talk a lot about failing forward.
Speaker 1:I was going to ask you what that is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, failing forward and growth when you didn't think it was possible, those are kind of my two. You know things. So failing forward came about. Last year after my bodybuilding show I was at masters nationals in Pittsburgh best that I had ever looked went up there and I took second and drove home and I put a couple of pictures up and I said failed, people flipped.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, you didn't fail. Look how good you look. I mean mad at me for saying this. And I wrote back and I said I didn't fail. I'm not a failure, but I did fail. The question is, what do you do with that? And I said I'm going to fail forward. And that's when I started putting that together. Well, what do you mean? I said well, I failed. The Buffalo Bills lost four Super Bowls in a row. They're the second best in the world, but guess what? That's not what they set out to do. They failed.
Speaker 2:The question is do you fail forward? Do you look at this and go hey, we lost the Super Bowl. What do we need to do? We need to run this and that. So, same thing with me. What do I? What do I do? How do I get better? How do I fail forward? How do I move forward? And that happens with everything.
Speaker 2:If you're in business and you lose a big sale, that's a failure, and your boss is probably going to let you know that it's a failure. You know. What do you do with it, do you? Do you? You know, take a little bit of time and lick your wounds, yeah, but then you got to go right back out there and you got to start prospecting again. You got to get in front of people and you figure out why did it not close? Was it price? Was it objection? Was it me? How did I handle it? Sports, you know. All the time Relationships, as I've had enough relationships that I've failed in that I looked to, finally ended up with Sophia and had that relationship with her been 20 years ago, I probably would have screwed that one up too.
Speaker 2:But I failed forward enough times that I knew what not to do. I knew the things that were important and the things weren't, you know. So I talk about that with my kids. The class that I teach is nutrition and wellness, and I'm lucky enough that the first quarter is really focused on mental health and mental wellness and I'm allowed to really kind of teach it the way I want to teach. So I bring in a lot of my John Maxwell and leadership stuff.
Speaker 2:We talk about failing forward. We talk about finding your why. You know, and it's different for kids than it is adults and changes your life. What's your why? Why do you get up every morning? You know Sophia is my why. Still three years later, she's my why. And if you had asked me that three and a half years ago. I'm not sure that would have been my answer. I don't know, but there's no question about it now, right, you know, as I said, there's a lot of days I don't want to get out of bed, but my why, says you, better get your butt up and go, do what you got to do.
Speaker 2:And then the other part to it is is growth, you know, trying to teach growth when you didn't think it was possible. And that was me living in my car and I thought I was done, mentally, physically, business, wise, done, you know, and somewhere through that I was able to find growth, through her, from the gym membership I was given. And that growth was at a time when I didn't think it was possible and it started out. Physical started out because I lost 20 pounds and I was like, oh, okay, I don't look so bad, you know, and that gives you a little bit of confidence and it builds on itself and it turned into the job at school, you know, and that gives you a little bit of confidence and it builds on itself, and it turned into the job at school, you know, and it's kind of kind of blown up and and gone from there.
Speaker 2:But again, that growth when you didn't think it's possible goes through every aspect of life. It could be in a relationship. People get in relationships. You've been, you know, married for 20 years and the relationship stagnant and there is no growth. Well, there there is. You just have to find it. You know it's growth when you didn't think it was possible.
Speaker 2:Um, you know, I've dealt, talked to people that have gotten out of prison. Um, uh, a friend of mine, acquaintance of mine, kind of the same thing, he had just gotten out of prison. What do I do, dude? Figure it out you. You got to grow Like it's time you got to put you. You forget what everybody says about you or what you did or what happened. That's done and paid for in the eyes of the law. Time for you to move forward. You know, figure out your why, why do you want to do this? And your why might be to prove everybody wrong, I don't care. You just have to figure out what that why is. You know, and get up and go.
Speaker 2:So I love that growth when you didn't think it was possible, because that's really you know what I deal with on a on a daily basis and I deal with it at as a teacher and trying to get better every day. I deal with it as a friend, uh, with my brothers and sisters. I deal with it, uh, bodybuilding, certainly. You know I'm 55 and I'm going. How do I get better at some point? I'm not going to. You know, right now I'm looking at myself nine weeks out and I'm going. How do I get better At some point? I'm not going to. Right now I'm looking at myself nine weeks out and I still think I'm going to come in the best I've ever looked at 55. But reality, at some point is there's going to be one of these years where I'm going to go. I still look good, but not as good as I used to.
Speaker 2:And growing a foundation is very hard and that's probably the biggest thing and that's where I really want to focus now is, you know, turning this into a million dollar organization. I want this organization to help so many people, so I do it through donations and through. I have four different events I'm planning next year. So we have a walkathon through school during Mental school, during mental health awareness month. Um lifts for Sophia, which will be um next February. Uh, with gyms across the country doing some version of 222. We haven't really figured it out yet 222 reps, 222 something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's pretty money yeah.
Speaker 2:And then, um, uh, there's a bodybuilding show here in July, which was the show that she and I would have been working, and the two women that run that show have made it in her honor. So I raised money for the foundation through that show. So it's her show and it's a show that we would have been at and again, like you said, it's the people that I want to be with. It's still very, very difficult for me walking into work, these bodybuilding shows. There's no place else I would rather be and nobody I'd rather be with, but it's very bittersweet.
Speaker 1:As somebody who started a nonprofit. It's hard work, but you're not doing it for yourself. You're doing it to carry on the legacy of the person who inspired it, and that'll keep you motivated every single day, brother.
Speaker 2:Yep, there was somebody had said in the beginning well, you know how come you're doing this? You know with with her name attached to it. You know what about all the people that don't know who she is and and never met her? That's fine for like your friends and stuff like that. And I said everybody knows who Adam Walsh is. That was what 1987, when John Walsh's son was murdered. And I said you're 40 some years later and everybody knows who Adam Walsh is. And I said that kid was murdered at 11 or 12 years old. I said everybody's going to know who Sophia Graham is I never met Susan G Komen I know exactly what that is, how can my listeners get involved?
Speaker 2:I would say the first and foremost is go to the website and check it out. It's at 222musclecom or sophiagramfoundationorg. You can certainly buy some swag with the logo on it. You can make a donation. We also have an Instagram page, a Facebook page, a LinkedIn page. Pretty much everything. We're out everywhere, either my personal one or through the foundation, is a great way to follow stuff.
Speaker 1:How many gym memberships has 222 Muscle provided given out?
Speaker 2:Triple digits. At this point I don't know how many, I'd have to go back, but it's. We're over a hundred that we've done. You know, across the country.
Speaker 1:You know, I am watching the videos that I watched and I'm reading about your story and Sophia's story. I feel like I know her.
Speaker 2:That's awesome.
Speaker 1:You know, I feel like I know her. That's what I want, yeah that's what I want.
Speaker 2:Like I said, I talk about her continuously and it's funny to see how you know, as I said earlier, how people react when you bring your name up, because some people are okay with it, but everybody's kind of kind of not, you know. So when I bring her up, and I bring her up, I don't. I can say that we're coming up on three years and I don't think I've ever mentioned Sophia in the past tense when I'm talking, telling stories, and I'm like, oh, that's our favorite restaurant. Oh, we love that workout, you know, because it's still we and you know I love that. I want people to know her.
Speaker 2:Like I said, my kids certainly don't know her. You know my, my students, but they all follow her on Instagram, they all follow the foundation pages and they all know her and they will bring stuff up. I'm trying to think one of the kids one day they were talking about arm wrestling or something, two of the guys in there and I heard one them go whatever you think you're strong, sofia would kick your ass in arm wrestling and I said my sofia, he's like, yeah, we've seen her pictures and the kids were talking about I said that's pretty cool that's very cool that they know her in that sense and and are, you know, getting something out of it.
Speaker 2:So I love love it Absolutely.
Speaker 1:And the answer to the question is it better to have loved and lost than never have found that love? It's definitely better to have found it and lost it, because I sense that you're while you're still grieving. Your grief is subsiding every single day, but that love is getting stronger every day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I was going to say, you know, to say that's a love and lost, I don't, I don't know that it was lost. I you know, I love her more, like you said, I love her more every single day and the things that I loved about her become more apparent, you know, every single day. So great perspective, brother.
Speaker 1:I'm glad and, again, I think this is going to inspire a lot of people. If you're watching on YouTube, I've got 222musclecom up at the on the bottom of the screen and that's how you can help get involved with Kelly's foundation to honor Sophia. Awesome, it is awesome. You're awesome, kelly, and so is Sophia. Again, if you'd like to honor Sophia and help people navigate their mental health situations, you can go to 222musclecom. My thanks to Kelly for joining me and my thanks to you for listening. Sure would appreciate it if you would subscribe to the YouTube channel and tell people about the podcast. Also, if you have any suggestions to make the show better or topics you'd like me to explore, you can email me at thefuzzymic M-I-C at gmailcom.
Speaker 1:For laughter and fly-on-the-wall banter, check out the Tuttle Kline podcast. My radio partner of 25 years, tim Tuttle, and I we go unscripted and unfiltered in what's been called quote the best damn podcast on the internet. Who cares if we were the ones who said it? New episodes every Wednesday. The Fuzzy Mike is hosted and produced by Kevin Kline. Production elements by Zach Sheesh. At the Radio Farm, social media director is Trish Kline. Join me next Tuesday for a new episode. We're going to meet a childhood soccer hero of mine, whose health issues are so numerous we don't have enough fingers and toes to count them all. He's truly a living miracle. See you next week and thank you. That's it for the fuzzy mic. Thank you, the fuzzy mic with Kevin Klein.