216. The ONE Word You Need To Banish From Your Vocabulary (mental clutter)

Words are powerful, in this episode I unveil the hidden consequences of this seemingly harmless word on our emotional well-being. By recounting my personal skirmishes with the word, I'll show you how altering our linguistic choices can ignite a gentler, more inquisitive approach to life's tasks—transforming obligation into opportunity.

From Chaos to Peace Consulting Inc - https://connygraf.com

Get my newsletter In Your Element delivered every Moon-Day (Monday) 

Schedule a FREE "Bring Your Chaos To Me" Call

Take the free Quiz and figure out your >>> Organizing Personality

Transcript

Conny Graf 0:01

Welcome to the Chaos to Peace with Conny podcast . I am Conny Graf , your host . I am here to explore with you how a few minutes a day can keep the chaos away , and with chaos I'm talking about the physical , digital , social , financial , mental , emotional and spiritual clutter that can accumulate in our life and business and our finances . Clutter is so much more than you think . I created this podcast to inspire you to do something about it . It's my deep desire to help you understand that you , too , can create and maintain an organized and supportive environment spending only a few minutes a day . Thanks for being here and enjoy the episode . Well , hello , my friend , welcome , welcome . How are you doing ? Thank you so much for allowing me back into your ears , and today I want to talk about how powerful words are and how we can actually do whatever we want to do instead of procrastinating , if we are more intentional about our words , and one word in particular is a dream and goal killer , and that word is should . So we're going to explore how we can stop shooting ourselves , shooting ourselves , well , let's see . So when you say to yourself or to others , when you say it out loud and you're not just thinking it , so when you say or think I really should do that . It's usually code for I should do it , but I'm not going to . So let's explore what happens when you say , yeah , I really should do that . So in my perspective it creates a lot of emotional clutter .

Conny Graf 1:51

Why emotional clutter ? Well , tune in for a few seconds and pay attention how that feels when you think or say out loud I should really do this . I don't know about you , but I feel pressure , I feel guilt , resistance and , depending on my mood , I start to feel rebellious . Can you find a positive feeling ? Because I really can't . I only find feelings that make me feel heavy and unmotivated . Feeling guilty or pressured or bad really doesn't motivate us to change or motivate us to do something . It just makes us feel really bad . And then we also create more mental clutter , because the sentence I should really do this is very sabotaging mental clutter to begin with . But then when we become aware of these feelings of guilt , resistance , heaviness etc . Then we usually start to pack more mental clutter on top of it by thinking I should do that , but I guess I'm just too lazy . And the more you tell yourself things like that , the more you believe it and it becomes your self-concept , a limiting belief about yourself , and you move further and further away from what you actually want . So this shooting ourselves creates mental and emotional clutter , and I don't know about you , but beating myself up to do anything might work at times , but it sure doesn't feel good and it's definitely not self-love and full disclosure . This is the kind of clutter mental and emotional clutter that I have to work on every day because my brain tries to shoot myself a lot and then I beat myself up and then I feel bad .

Conny Graf 3:43

This all can happen in a split . That is because words are really powerful and we can either use them against us or for us in order to make progress with anything . As a first step , when you notice , you think or say I really should do this , counter right away with who says , who says you should do this . You are an adult and as adults we really don't have or should do anything . We can decide what we want to do , but there is no should . Nobody can tell you what you should do . But this is sometimes a bit abstract and not necessarily helpful right away .

Conny Graf 4:28

So let's rather play a game . Let me introduce you to a word game that might help you get out of the shoulding yourself and taking action . We start by exchanging should for could . So one way to tweak your thinking is , when you notice , you say or think to yourself I should , so , when you are shooting yourself , to take a quick pause and exchange should for could . So , for example , instead of I really should declutter , think or say I really could declutter , and just pause like before and see how that makes you feel .

Conny Graf 5:10

If you are human , which you most likely are , I bet the sentence with could feels better than the one with should . See if you can take action from that place , from the place of I really could declutter . Remember , all that we want to do is a few minutes a day that keeps the chaos away . So I really could do this , I could declutter , and by giving you the option , instead of shooting yourself , you might be able to take action . Another step is , or the the next step , if you like that game , that word game . The next step is to exchange could with the question could I ? So instead of I could declutter . Try out could I declutter ? This gives you even more freedom . So take a few moments to tune in and see how you feel . Could I declutter ? How do you feel with that Could you , could you declutter ?

Conny Graf 6:09

When you word it this way , curiosity that you create with could or could I is so much kinder than blame and shame that inevitably comes with should and shoulding yourself . And remember I always say , clearing your clutter is self-love . We don't want to beat ourselves to self-love or to decluttering . Curiosity is so much more helpful .

Conny Graf 6:37

Again , the goal is also to understand that you don't have to do anything .

Conny Graf 6:42

You are an adult .

Conny Graf 6:43

Nobody can tell you what to do .

Conny Graf 6:46

What you want to understand is that you want to .

Conny Graf 6:49

You don't want to stay stuck but get moving .

Conny Graf 6:52

And you are more likely to get moving when you're kind to yourself and understand why you want what you want than shooting yourself .

Conny Graf 7:01

As always , I will never tell you to get rid of anything , not even the word should . What I do help , you see , is the effect of all this clutter has on you and your life , and in this case the mental and emotional clutter . So be aware when you shoot yourself and see if , with the word games , you can get into the habit of a few minutes a day . That keeps the chaos away . And if you still struggle but are ready to make a change , contact me because I can help . You can bring your chaos to me , use the link in the show notes and sign up for a complimentary 30-minute chaos to Peace jumpstart call where we will address your most pressing pain point around clutter and chaos and how to solve it in a few minutes a day and , if you're ready , we can also discuss options for moving forward together and how I can help you out on your journey from Chaos to Peace . You find the links to sign up in the show notes .