Embracing Life's Unpredictability - Louise Hamlin – Author - Season 5 - #223

In this episode of the Us People Podcast, host Savia Rocks engages in an enlightening conversation with author Louise Hamlin, known for her book 'WhatsApps from Heaven'. They discuss themes of bereavement, personal growth, and embracing life's unpredictabilities. Louise shares her personal journey through grief and the signs she received from the afterlife, offering a heartfelt and deeply personal perspective. The episode also covers the importance of kindness, forgiveness, and finding peace within.

00:00 Introduction to Season Five
01:12 Guest Introduction
02:08 Louise's Background
03:08 Journey Through Law
04:43 Passion and Regret
11:48 Discussion on Bereavement
12:59 Grief Stages and Coping
16:04 External Support
18:37 Forgiveness and Self-Compassion
21:59 Patrick's Memory and Love
08:33 Writing 'WhatsApps from Heaven'
27:23 Advice for the Bereaved
29:56 Pride and Personal Identity
25:45 Finding Peace and Moving Forward

Youtube: https://louisehamlin.co.uk/

"Sometimes, letting go is the best thing to let something new in, to beginning. Holding onto past hurts, regrets, or even redundant dreams can hinder our progress and wellbeing. ” - Savia Rocks

Transcript

Savia Rocks: 0:00

Hey guys, we made it to season five of the Us people podcast. I'm your host Savia rocks. And in this season, we aim to empower and embrace creativity through diversity as we dive into the fascinating stories and experiences of a diverse range of individuals. Highlighting their unique perspectives and creative endeavors from artists and entrepreneurs to innovators and activists, we celebrate the power of diversity in driving creativity and fostering positive change. Join us as we engage in thought provoking conversations like,

Tony DADA: 0:37

I made myself intentionally homeless. In pursuit of my purpose,

J Harris: 0:41

we're aware that a lot of people want to present and they, and they were in my position and, and what's worse, they weren't a white male, which is a joke that that's even still a thing.

Mel: 0:49

Think my family never, ever say you can't do something. So full of support, full of support for whatever dream. If I said tomorrow, when I fly to the moon, they'll probably say, I wish you all the best mouth.

Savia Rocks: 0:59

So guys. I just want to say thank you for supporting the us people podcast for the past five years. And we look forward to sharing another new theme song with you. Let's go.

Louise Hamlin: 1:12

Hi everyone. My name is Louise Hamlin and I'm the author of. What's apps from heaven about bereavement and signs from the afterlife. And you're listening to the us people podcast with Savio rocks.

Savia Rocks: 1:28

Hey guys, welcome to another episode of the US people podcast. I'm your host, Sammy rocks. And today I have the lovely Louise here with me. Who is the author of WhatsApp from Heaven, Louise, thank you so much for taking your time to come in the Us People podcast. How are you?

Louise Hamlin: 1:46

Oh, well, Sabia, thank you so much for having me and I'm great.

Savia Rocks: 1:54

Oh, it's so nice to have you. You can see that nobody else can see you, but I can. And you have such an abundant smile, um, coming on the show and you seem so calm as well. So I really love that. So Louise, my first question for you is, could you tell me about your background of where you grew up and how that influenced you to be the person who you are today?

Louise Hamlin: 2:17

Okay, well I was born and grew up in Manchester.

Savia Rocks: 2:23

Ah, I know Manchester.

Louise Hamlin: 2:25

Yeah, and, in fact, you know, my ancestors were peasant farmers up in the Peak District. And then, you know, they gradually migrated to Manchester. Um, and I was quite a serious and studious child. And, um, my parents sort of liked this and so I sort of did what was wanted and expected of me. And I went to Cambridge and I read law and I became a lawyer.

Savia Rocks: 3:05

Yeah. Yeah. I read up about you being a lawyer. What was it like for you to, obviously it was high expectations, most probably from your parents also.

Louise Hamlin: 3:19

Um, yeah, well, it was the one thing that I was good at, you know, doing schoolwork and passing exams. So, I was pretty hopeless at sport, uh, and um, you know, I think girls in particular, they want to please. That's true. I went to schools where it was good to do well in exams. Oh, and I wasn't musical either. You know, I couldn't do anything really, but, but sort of academic subjects. And so I did that and I enjoyed it.

Savia Rocks: 3:59

Aww, I like it. At least you found something that you did like. I think a lot of people are in the world and they wait a long time in life to find something that their heart actually enjoys to do. So even though you say that you weren't good at music, you still found something that you did like.

Louise Hamlin: 4:22

Yes, that's true. That is very true. Um, I'm not sure that I had a passion. And you know, you, you meet some people and their job is their passion. That's true. And you think cool, you are lucky.

Savia Rocks: 4:42

Aw. If you did, looking back, Louise, if you, what would you say to yourself about, is there anything that now you realize that you are good at or you wish you would've done in the past that maybe you would've had tempted to do?

Louise Hamlin: 5:03

I rather wish now that I'd become a scientist. Ooh. Because with everything that's happened to me, I've become really interested in life, and the universe, and quantum mechanics, and energies. All of that. Um, and I was at a typical girl's school where, you know, science wasn't really pushed. I can remember I used to do my Latin homework in chemistry and, you know, that was obviously a sensible priority because Latin was far more important than chemistry. So, I wish, I wish now. I paid attention and done science.

Savia Rocks: 5:57

At least I know what you're going to come back as. At least I know if you came back and you was reincarnated, you would come back as a scientist, which is pretty cool.

Louise Hamlin: 6:05

I don't know, Salvia. I don't

Savia Rocks: 6:10

know. Can you define who you are as a person, but also who do you see? When you look in the mirror, but on the flip side of that question, Louise, has there ever been a time in your life where you have looked in the mirror and not recognized the person staring back at you? How did you manage to come out of that and then come back into a positive place where you feel that you belong?

Louise Hamlin: 6:37

I think that it took me many, many years to become the person that I am and to be a person who's comfortable in my own skin. And for many, many years, I sort of, Wanted to please people and didn't really have that internal ballast. Yes. Um, and I sort of needed external validation. And I think that it comes to doing a lot of work on yourself.

Savia Rocks: 7:20

Yeah, I agree with you there. I definitely agree with you there. I think it's hard, but also at the same time with self love and compassion for yourself. So that's why we always say be kind to one another, but more than. Anything else is be kind to yourself, because sometimes we forget that.

Louise Hamlin: 7:40

I think kindness is extraordinarily important. And do you know what really sort of touches me and sometimes causes me to tear up? And that's the kindness of strangers.

Savia Rocks: 7:56

Yes, yes, that's one thing I definitely live for and that's kindness. Even if I know, we're not always going to know. If somebody is going to give the kindness back to us, but as long as we give the kindness, then somewhere along the line, it will be given back to us. And that's the part that I love.

Louise Hamlin: 8:16

Yeah. I think that kindness is, you know, throwing a stone in a pond and the ripples go on and on and on. I like that. I might have

Savia Rocks: 8:29

to use that somewhere. I like

Louise Hamlin: 8:31

that.

Savia Rocks: 8:33

So let's talk about Your book what actually made you decide to write your book because it's such on a specific subject What? The

Louise Hamlin: 8:49

book is about it's an account a very truthful account of my bereavement and Also, the signs that I subsequently received from my husband, which, you know, were against all expectations. And, while it was all happening, I was writing a journal, and I sort of found it quite helpful to, to write down, you know, what, how I felt, what, what was happening, what people said, and what happened, anyway. And then, funnily enough, One day I just thought, Do you know what? I think that it's been so extraordinary, I'd like to write about it and tell the world. And also, when I was very young, I read a lot of books for help and comfort and information. And there were an awful lot of books about, bereavement, which were written by people from the outside in, and I wanted to find books that were written by people who had actually been bereaved, and could then, you know, describe their journey. Um, and I didn't find that book, so I also wrote the book that I would have liked to read.

Savia Rocks: 10:26

I like that concept, and even when you're saying it, I don't think I go by energy a lot of the time in my life when I speak to people. And I can still feel the energy of bereavement to some extent, Louise, when you talk to me.

Louise Hamlin: 10:41

Okay, and I don't think the bereavement ever totally leaves you.

Savia Rocks: 10:45

No, I don't think so either, because, I don't know if you'll agree, but part of love, loving someone and losing someone is actually bereavement, because you never ever lose the love. For that person. So you'll always have that bereavement every time you think of them. Because your love will always be there for them. And I don't think that's a bad thing. I think that's a beautiful thing to actually have. Because that person's memory is never lost and it's never gone.

Louise Hamlin: 11:16

The love carries on, regardless.

Savia Rocks: 11:22

That's true, that is very true. I would love for you to talk to me about, for anybody who doesn't understand what bereavement is, because we're already talking about it, some people might call it something else like pain or loss, but in your interpretation, could you describe what the word bereavement means to you?

Louise Hamlin: 11:48

Well, It means feeling as though you've had half of your body ripped away from you. It, it means feeling as if inside, you're nothing but a Deep churning lake of dark water. It means that you don't feel you have any edges. You don't have any identity. You just feel totally and utterly lost and bereft.

Savia Rocks: 12:26

It sounds so, it's such a hard subject that people don't often talk about. It's a bit like grief. They say there are many stages of grief. Do you believe that there are many stages of bereavement? I And if you, if there are, could you tell us what the stages, because you've been through it, Louise, you would be the ultimately best person to say abundantly and honestly, how you feel about the stages that you have been through?

Louise Hamlin: 12:59

Well, yeah, I can only talk about my experience. And I'm sure that other people have different experiences. I mean, for me, to start with, I was totally incapacitated by the grief and You know, it was a huge win if I managed to get out of bed in the morning and clean my teeth and take the dog for a walk. Um, that was all I could do. Um, I just felt totally untethered, if you like, and only half a person. And then, gradually, I found ways to survive. Um, I found living in the moment was really helpful. I couldn't think about the past because that reminded me of what I'd lost. I couldn't think about the future because that was just terrifying. Absolutely terrifying to think that, you know, there was a future. Without my husband, um, but I found that I could just think, okay, I've just got to get through this morning. I've just got to get through this afternoon. So that helped. Meditation helped.

Savia Rocks: 14:27

Yeah, I like that one. Meditation

Louise Hamlin: 14:30

and that helped calm this sort of churning water inside and um, being out in nature helped. And I'm lucky because I live in the country. It must be difficult for people in cities.

Savia Rocks: 14:47

Yes.

Louise Hamlin: 14:47

But you know, if you can get into a park or something, it just really helps.

Savia Rocks: 14:53

Yeah, I totally agree with you. It is hard, but I'm in the city and unless I decide to, you can walk around in your neighborhood if you want to. But there's always going to be something that reminds you especially if you lived in the city with your partner or whoever it might be There's always going to be something that reminds you of that person So you might have to drive out and go for a walk where the air is Abundantly different and that's so important.

Louise Hamlin: 15:26

I guess so though, you know when you are bereaved you don't stop thinking about that person and and so It doesn't really matter if, you know, you pass somewhere where you used to go and have a coffee with them or something, because they're in your thoughts the whole time anyway.

Savia Rocks: 15:50

Yeah. That is true. That is really true. Let's talk about, it's hard when you talk about these things because they, what helped you get through your grief?

Louise Hamlin: 16:04

Okay. Well, quite a few things really. Um, I mean, people helped, um, And some, some friends were just wonderful because they gave practical help. Yes, I like that. Um, And you see, I mean, I had no appetite. I couldn't eat a thing. I'd lost masses of weight during my husband's illness. And then, you know, after he died, I guess I was in a state of shock. I just couldn't think about food at all. And I didn't have the energy to actually get myself any food. But friends came round with food already on a plate. And they put it in front of me. And they sat down and they said, Eat that.

Savia Rocks: 17:00

Yeah.

Louise Hamlin: 17:01

And that was wonderful. Really good. Aw,

Savia Rocks: 17:06

and that's what, that's what real friends do.

Louise Hamlin: 17:09

Yeah. Real friends and family. Yes, that's true. My children were great. Um, another thing was I found that friends who came and talked about Patrick, my husband, and said, oh. Golly, do you remember when he did that and, oh, wasn't it annoying, and, oh, and, oh, and I got so cross with him when, you know, I loved that. I hated it when people came round or met me and sort of pretended that it hadn't happened and didn't talk about him.

Savia Rocks: 17:45

Yeah, I agree with you there. I think, that's why I always say the more you talk about something, it actually, for me, the more you talk about something, it actually helps you heal.

Louise Hamlin: 17:58

Absolutely.

Savia Rocks: 18:00

You know, so I think that's a beautiful thing that they done. I agree with it. I, so let's talk about one of the subjects that I love to talk about, which is forgiveness. Sometimes when we're going through things like this, we have a hard time of forgiving ourselves for maybe we didn't spend enough time with that person or things that we may have done. That we might feel a little bit of regret for. What does forgiveness mean to you, but also how has it helped you in your life with everything that you have been through?

Louise Hamlin: 18:37

Gosh, that's a very interesting question, Savia. Um, and I agree with you. I mean, I think that forgiveness of ourselves and others is incredibly important. And in fact, Patrick was a very forgiving man and he sort of, you know, was a great example to me of someone who would forgive people who had hurt or harmed him in any way. Um, and I had to learn to forgive myself because I somehow thought that I should have been able to stop. Patrick getting this cancer.

Savia Rocks: 19:25

Okay.

Louise Hamlin: 19:27

I don't think that's very logical or rational. I kept on thinking if only I'd done this, if only I'd done that, if only I'd insisted that he went for a health check when he was 70, you know, and I really, really beat myself up about all of this. It took me a long time to sort of think. It was as it was. You loved him, he loved you, and it wasn't your fault.

Savia Rocks: 20:08

No it wasn't. Sometimes there are greater powers in the universe that take away people that we love not out of spite. It's just because it's their time. And when it is their time, I think you'll, you realize how much you really do love them. Like, I mean, utterly love them. And even coming from my generation, when my friends say to me, someone that they love passes away. Um, I see how my generation deals with it, you know, because different generations deal with things in different ways, but also people as individuals deal with things in different ways and love is endless. Like we've said so many times before, love is an endless power and love is one of the best things that you can have in your entire life because it can conquer everything. And I think, this is just my personal opinion, that if you have had the chance to love someone, Louise, as much as I can see that you have loved your husband, then you are the luckiest person in the world. And the reason why I say that is because there are millions of people in the world who would have loved to find that one person. But even though that person has gone, and it, and it doesn't always fill the gap by me saying this, but I feel that people like yourself have a beautiful story to tell, because you are the person that we would go to, to find out what real love and forgiveness is. So that's just me to you.

Louise Hamlin: 21:59

What's up, you? I didn't know what it was like to love and be loved until I met Patrick and we got together and I was 52.

Savia Rocks: 22:13

Hey, there's no age with it as long as you find it.

Louise Hamlin: 22:16

Well, yeah. And you know, I've been in other relationships. I've been married before, but I hadn't known what real love was.

Savia Rocks: 22:26

I totally know. And I feel

Louise Hamlin: 22:27

very lucky and blessed that I had it.

Savia Rocks: 22:32

Yeah, I definitely agree with you. What are the early signs of knowing that you have, because you write about this in your book, but what are the early signs of knowing that you have grief or bereavement? Because sometimes people don't know, they just carry on. Remember, we all, we all handle things in a different way, but what would you say are the early warning signs of knowing?

Louise Hamlin: 22:58

Knowing about grief? Yes. I don't know. Um, I mean, I think that when someone you love dies, you're just plunged down into the ravine. Um, you just fall into it and I think that our brains take a long time to actually understand what has happened. And I think we're rather numb to start with. That's true. Um, I mean, you know, for months afterwards, I would I catch a sight of the car that Patrick used to drive out of the corner of my eye, and I would think, Oh, there's Patrick, you know? Um, because it just took a long, long time for me to emotionally understand that he was no longer in a physical body.

Savia Rocks: 24:15

Do you ever feel that he's next to you spiritually? I don't know if you're necessarily a spiritual person. But do you ever feel that his spiritual side is with you, when even in the house or when you're going for a walk or just anywhere? Do you ever feel it?

Louise Hamlin: 24:34

Yes.

Savia Rocks: 24:36

I like that. A lot. I like that. I like that.

Louise Hamlin: 24:40

I often, I often feel that he's around and yeah, and I often, I often feel that he's sort of Holding me in.

Savia Rocks: 24:53

What is the funniest, I would love to Us you a question about Patrick, what is the funniest thing? that Patrick has ever done that made you laugh in hysterics about him?

Louise Hamlin: 25:06

Oh goodness, um, I'll have to think.

Savia Rocks: 25:12

Aw.

Louise Hamlin: 25:12

Um, I mean we used to dance in the kitchen, you know, when the radio was on. And, and he could do Um, a very sexy dance. Hey! Go on, Patrick! And it was very funny. It really was. Oh, that's super cool. I would love to have seen that. Oh, man.

Savia Rocks: 25:45

Do

Louise Hamlin: 25:45

you ever

Savia Rocks: 25:46

think that you would find peace within yourself? I know you carry on every day as, as we all do, but do you ever believe that you will find the ultimate peace within yourself to be okay if there is such a thing as being okay? Well,

Louise Hamlin: 26:09

yes. Yeah. And I actually have found it. I like it. Thank you. Um, it's three years now since Patrick died, and it took two or three years for me to begin to look forward to the rest of my life. Okay. Um, but now maybe it's all the meditation.

Savia Rocks: 26:41

Possibly. Possibly.

Louise Hamlin: 26:43

Yeah, but I feel peaceful inside.

Savia Rocks: 26:48

How was it for you to write the book? For example, I know we talk about you, you know, getting the book done, but how was it for you emotionally connecting to the book and actually writing it?

Louise Hamlin: 27:01

I think it was probably quite cathartic. Um, you know, I enjoyed writing it. It came very easily. And, and I guess that, you know, it made me feel close to Patrick writing about it all.

Savia Rocks: 27:22

Aww. What would your advice be to anybody who might be going through something similar because it's a part of life? You know, what would you say?

Louise Hamlin: 27:35

Yes, we all die. Um, well, I would say carry on feeling the love and carry on loving and carry on talking to the person and be open to any signs that they send and let your friends and family care for you and don't, don't try Okay. And not feel the pain. Because I think all that does is it sort of bottles it up. I think, feel the pain, and realize that it's okay to feel the pain. It's the price of the love, if you like.

Savia Rocks: 28:21

I like that. That sounds like a really good quote, actually. That's something that you should write down in Kiwis. That resonates with me a lot. That really does. What would you do differently in your life if you had the chance to do anything differently? Is there anything that you would say that you would do differently in your life now?

Louise Hamlin: 28:47

You mean going back in the past?

Savia Rocks: 28:49

You could go back in the past. You can do either, you can do the past or the future. It would be interesting to hear what you would say about both.

Louise Hamlin: 28:57

Okay, um, well for the past, I guess that I stayed too long in a job that I'd stopped really enjoying. And I think that I should have left earlier. Uh, and Find something else to do, so I can't tell you now what that would have been, so I've got the future. I don't know. Ah! I just don't know! The fact that you

Savia Rocks: 29:35

have a smile on your face is a good sign.

Louise Hamlin: 29:38

Well, I would, I would like some adventures and who knows? I have no idea. It's a total open book.

Savia Rocks: 29:48

I like that. I like that. I think we'll have a podcast too about that one. I think so. What are you most proud of that you stand for as an individual in this world?

Louise Hamlin: 30:04

I, I'm very proud of my children, and my family, and my step children, and their family. And, I think I'm proud of the fact that I have been a sort of loving, kind mother and friend.

Savia Rocks: 30:29

I like that. They're rare these days. So, when you find a good one, yep. You hug them and squeeze them as much as you can. If, if there was one song that you believe was the soundtrack of your life, what one song would you choose? And why would you choose that particular song?

Louise Hamlin: 30:52

Okay. Um, Well, I think the platters and love, uh, and so it gets in your eyes.

Savia Rocks: 31:01

Yeah. Oh, that's a good one.

Louise Hamlin: 31:03

Because it's just such a lovely, um, romantic song. And, and Patrick and I, we, we had it as first song to dance to at our wedding. Ah. Yeah. I like

Savia Rocks: 31:25

that. Aw. If there was one quote that represented you as a person, What quote would you choose?

Louise Hamlin: 31:34

Sorry, there's a long silence, which isn't very good on a podcast, is it? Oh, we could edit that out. But, well, that's, that's lucky. Um, one quote. I, I have tried my best.

Savia Rocks: 31:52

That's good enough.

Louise Hamlin: 31:54

Yeah.

Savia Rocks: 31:55

That is good enough. What is the best advice you believe that you have ever received from? I know we have different advice Especially when we're going through different situations in our life that help us Well, what do you believe one of the best advice has ever been from anybody that you have spoken to

Louise Hamlin: 32:14

I think Don't be scared.

Savia Rocks: 32:17

I like that.

Louise Hamlin: 32:19

And, you know, it's terribly easy to stay in, um, bad situations, or with the wrong people, because you're scared of stepping out. Um, um, But you know, you've just got to think okay, I can do it and I will do it. Actually, I suppose that what I'm saying really is, feel the fear and do it anyway. And, and that book, you know, it was a revelation to me actually, when I read it. Because I thought that if you were scared of something, then, you know, that was a perfectly good reason not to do something. Aww. And that book made me realise. No, you do it.

Savia Rocks: 33:23

I like that. I definitely do. I only have two more for you, Louise. And that is what is I would love for. When did you realize that language had an abundance of power?

Louise Hamlin: 33:39

You know, I think I've always known that.

Savia Rocks: 33:41

I like it.

Louise Hamlin: 33:42

Yeah, and it does. It most certainly does. And it matters. Um, Though it's not only the language, it's also the intent behind the language. Yes. And, you know, some words can appear unpleasant or perjurative if they're said with a different intent. And, you know, And the kind intent, in fact, you know, friendly intent, then I don't think they're so objectionable. Whereas fairly innocent words can be said with a malicious intent. Yes. And that is horrid.

Savia Rocks: 34:27

Yes, that is definitely so true. It's so good that you said that so well. And my last question for you Louise is, I would love for people to be able to find your book. Like, I have had the privilege of reading your book. Guys, I actually got two copies. I was really lucky. So I got two copies. So, Louise, I would love for you to let people know where they can find and buy your book. But also, if you have any social media or websites that they can go to, to find out more about your book. Or even just contact you, because we all go through this in our life. We're all gonna go through it at some point in our life. But I would love for people to be able to even speak to you, you know.

Louise Hamlin: 35:13

Well, I've got a website, which is louisehamlin. co. uk And, in fact, I invite people to contact me with, you know, their stories and everything. Um, I've And so, that's lovely, and in fact the book is published tomorrow, so you can buy it tomorrow from wherever, I mean obviously it's on Amazon, and on Waterstones, and Barnes and Noble if you're in the States, but any good bookseller will be able to get it for you, and it's called Whatsapps. from heaven.

Savia Rocks: 35:59

See, I love that. See, and what a beautiful title as well. It just takes everything to a whole different perspective. Louise, this is where I want to say to you, thank you so much for your abundance of kindness, your compassion, but also showing the world what real love looks like. Because Just from even though I've been the only one to have the privilege of see to see your emotions I I know for a fact that love is a beautiful thing when you do find it So guys if you ever find love out there and it is real you will know Because you will just feel that sparkle in your heart in your eyes and everywhere else So, Louise, I want to thank you again so much for coming on the show. You have been an absolutely beautiful guest.

Louise Hamlin: 36:51

Well, Savia, thank you so much. And I really enjoyed your questions and I really enjoyed talking to you and a million thank yous.

Savia Rocks: 37:05

Anytime. Anytime guys, I want to thank you so much for listening to the Us people podcast. And please remember you can subscribe and leave us a review on Spotify, iTunes, Google play, and any other platform that you prefer listening to. Please also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. And you can also donate to the US people podcast by simply going to the Savvy rocks website, or just typing in PayPal dot me forward slash us people podcast guys. Thank you so much for listening. Stay happy, stay positive. And as always, please continue to be kind to one another.

Tony DADA: 37:51

For the darkness of the

Louise Hamlin: 37:53

night, you'll be guided through the light. You're feeling the love. And carry on loving, and carry on talking to the person, and be open to any signs that they send, and let your friends and family care for you, and don't, don't try and not feel the pain. Because I think all that does is it sort of bottles it up. I think, feel the pain and realize that it's okay to feel the pain. It's the price of the love, if you like.

Tony DADA: 38:40

How was your story through this journey, leaving fear far behind? Oh, I'm so full of courage, you can win if you try. Read our MPS to you, you'll see the power that lies if you try. I'm fly like I'm Superman. Spread your wings and let them win. I'm fly like I'm Superman. Spread your wings and let the wind blow. I fly like I'm Superman. Spread your wings and let the wind blow. I fly like I'm Superman. Like I'm Superman.