Macaroni Art, Bad Reviews, and Bernie's Revenge

In this episode of Junk and Disorderly, I reflect on the early days after my first book was published and how I made the mistake of obsessing over reviews. One particular one-star review stood out—not for its kindness, let’s just say. But what started as a harsh critique took a hilariously unexpected turn thanks to some snooping, a mysterious five-star rating, and an even stranger twist.

Let’s just say it’s a story of despair, revenge, and macaroni art.

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Transcript

Michael deMeng:
Hey everybody, welcome to Michael deMeng, junk and disorderly. So in this podcast, we're going to explore some of the curious things that have happened to me as an artist, as well as some of the strange objects that I have collected and transformed into art. There'll be a few other things as well mixed in, but sit back and take a listen this episode, macaroni art, bad reviews and Bernie's revenge.

Today, I want to talk about something a little bit personal and, yes, a little bit painful, and actually it's kind of funny. And what I'm talking about is book reviews, and specifically the reviews on my very first book, Secrets of rusty things. Now, when my book came out, I made the rookie mistake of obsessing over the reviews. I mean, you know, realistically, how could you not is you got this nice, cool looking thing you just poured your heart into and and, you know, you, you kind of want to know what, what people think about it. I mean, of course, you hope they like it, but, but you really want to know now, most of the reviews were good, thankfully. But oh, those bad reviews, they really had a way of just sort of digging in, you know, sort of like grabbing into your scalp. And, you know, let me tell you honestly, it really did kind of put me on the brink of despair. It was pretty Yeah, it kind of overwhelmed me. And so eventually I did the healthy thing. I stopped reading reviews altogether. And of course, that's, you know, everybody tells you, right? You know, like, don't ever read the reviews. But you know, honestly, that that is easier said than done. But there was this one review, and, oh, man, this was a real gem. It was a one star masterpiece of a scathing eloquence. Now, I'm not going to name names, but let's just call the reviewer ritzy Carlton. So ritzy penned pretty much a three paragraph tear down of my book. You know, not just run of the mill. I didn't like it. No, no. This was, like, totally next level, so ritzy. Compared my artwork to, wait for it, a kindergartners macaroni art project, yikes. Yeah, that was I admittedly that one, that went kind of stung. And yet, I had to admit, it was really well written. It was it was so eloquently phrased. It was like poetry, the way he tore my artwork to shreds. So naturally, I sort of spiraled a bit, you know, depression, the self doubt. You know that fun stuff that that artists are are unfortunately accustomed to. But you know, after a while, you know, curiosity got the better of me, and you know, I needed to know who this ritzy Carlton was. So, I mean, what kind of person writes such an articulate account of my artwork being similar to elmer's glue and pasta art, I mean, so I felt like I needed to do some digging. Now, it turns out old ritzy Carlton reviewed a lot, a lot a lot of art books, many of which were written by friends of mine, and he hated almost all of them, one star reviews everywhere. But you know, then I noticed something kind of weird, ritzy. Had one and just one, five star review. So naturally, I had to know, what did this snooty, snooty patootie, professional critic actually like, you know, and I was expecting, you know, do you ask these, you know, Crime and Punishment, or something like that? I figured that might be something. Who reviewed this is a brilliant blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

But nope, the answer, my friends, was the DVD critique of Weekend at Bernie's two. Yes, you heard me not, not even the original Weekend at Bernie's. No, no, no. This was the sequel, The sequel that that actually had a voodoo High Priestess and a dancing corpse, which, of course, was Bernie. Now, I'm sorry, but the cognitive dissonance of this highbrow, scathing dude raving about Weekend at Bernie's two was just too much for me to handle. I just I had to see what would Ritz. He possibly say about weakened at Bernie's do well, the review, oh, and it was the thing of beauty, another eloquent masterpiece. He waxed poetic about the film's nuanced commentary on mortality and its refreshing approach to existential comedy. I mean, you know, really, I was starting to think maybe this guy was some kind of performance artist now, but then the plot thickened. Someone had commented on ritzy's review of Weekend at Bernie's two and that comment, well, it was from ritzy Carlton himself, only he wasn't singing the film's praises. Oh no, no, no, no, no. He was totally freaking out, and he was going on this crazy, full blown rant about, you know, how his account had been hacked, and how he would never write such a glowing review of such a horrid film, or something like that. There were paragraphs after paragraphs of outrage. I mean, lots of cap locks, a lot of exclamation points, you know, you name it the works. He was just indignant, furious. And, you know, honestly, I have to say it was hilarious. I mean, really. I mean, picture this dude, self appointed gatekeeper of high art, and he's just reduced this sort of puddle of outrage because someone dared associate his name with a goofy low brow comedy about a dancing corpse. It was like, Okay, now I am not saying that I condone hacking someone's account. It's totally not cool. I don't recommend anybody do that. I would not do that. But, you know, I kind of got to tip my hat to whoever pulled this off, because it was just it was perfect. I mean, think about it, ritzy spends his days tearing down artists with his high and mighty blah, blah, blah, blah. And someone probably was some artist who was reduced to a pile of jelly, who would sent to a spiral of despair, but they, they found a way that the perfect Achilles heel to ritzy Carlton. So don't look at me. Don't look at me. It wasn't me. I am not the culprit. I mean, I am impressed with the results. I thought it was pretty witty, but I am not behind this. I will say and I'll say it again. I do not condone hacking. However, if I ever meet the person who wrote that review, I will buy them a drink. In fact, I might buy them too. So here's the thing you know, as creators, whether writers or musicians or artists, we are going to be faced with criticism, and some of it will be fair, and honestly, I read some of those reviews about my book, and some of them had good points. Some of them will just be downright ridiculous, and some of them are going to be brutal to the point of cruel, with really no intention of helping or serving, but using this as a platform to sort of weather the person down, whoever they're criticizing. And, you know, I'm not a huge fan of that approach. And at the end of the day, all you can do as an artist who puts something out there, put something forward for people to see, all you can do is laugh about it. You just have to have a good sense of humor, and it's just got to sort of roll right off your back. Because the thing is, if you take every ritzy Carlton remark and you take it to heart, you will never create another thing again. I'm a firm believer that input is only helpful if a person can grow from it. And you know, one thing I've I've learned, is that you can't grow from something maliciously given.

All right, that's it for me. I think, I think what I'm gonna do right now is I'm gonna mix myself a drink and I'm gonna watch myself some Weekend at Bernie's two

Thanks for listening, everyone. I hope you enjoyed this week's podcast and look forward to future podcast related to the things that I like, weird things, strange things, unusual things, sometimes everyday things, hope to see you then you.