S05E13 - PTS Growth - Damien Mullen (ex NT/VIC Pol) pt 2

In part 2 of the interview with ex-Senior Constable Damien Mullen, host Andy Fermo continues to explore the intense and often dangerous situations Damien faced as a police officer in remote areas. Damien shares harrowing stories of life-threatening encounters, including a riot and a deeply traumatic incident on a remote island. He discusses the emotional toll these experiences took on him, leading to a severe PTSD diagnosis. The episode delves into the struggles of accepting the diagnosis, dealing with the stigma, and the journey toward understanding and managing PTSD. Damien's story is a powerful testament to the resilience of first responders and the critical need for mental health support.

I the latter half of the episode Damien's recalls his encounters with violence and trauma in remote policing. He recounts a terrifying riot where he and a colleague had to run for their lives and a distressing case involving a young girl's suicide on a remote island. These experiences led to severe PTSD, which Damien initially struggled to recognise and accept. The episode further explores his journey through the diagnosis, the impact on his personal life, and the challenges of seeking treatment and support.

Key Takeaways

1. The Reality of Remote Policing: Working in remote areas often involves facing life-threatening situations with limited resources and support.
2. The Importance of Community Relationships: Building strong relationships with local communities can be crucial for safety and effective policing.
3. Recognizing PTSD Symptoms: It is essential to acknowledge and recognize the signs of PTSD, even when they gradually creep in.
4. The Stigma of Mental Health Issues: Overcoming the stigma associated with PTSD and seeking help is a significant challenge for first responders.
5. Coping Mechanisms: Finding healthy coping mechanisms, such as community support and therapy, is vital for managing PTSD.
6. The Impact on Family Life: PTSD can severely affect personal relationships and family life, requiring understanding and support from loved ones.
7. The Role of Support Systems: Support from colleagues, family, and mental health professionals is crucial in the recovery process.
8. Adapting to New Realities: Accepting the diagnosis and adapting to new realities is a critical part of the healing journey.
9. The Importance of Self-Care: Developing a self-care plan tailored to individual needs is essential for long-term mental health and well-being.
10. Hope and Recovery: Despite the challenges, it is possible to find hope and achieve recovery with the right support and resources.

Contact -  Damien Mullen
Help Lines Open Arms (VVCS) | Lifeline | RedSix app

"RESPECT, NO POLITICS, WE'RE VOLUNTEERS"

Disclaimer: The accounts and stories are "Real lived experiences" of our guests some of the content may trigger Post Traumatic Stress (PTS) symptoms in some of our audience. Feedback regarding other organisations, courses and initiatives remains largely unsensored. Whether its good or bad they remain the OPINION of our guests and their experiences it is important in building an accurate statistic on what really happens. 
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Transcript

Claire Fermo: 0:04

Welcome to invisible injuries podcast, aimed at bettering the well being and mental health, veterans, first responders in their immediate support experiencing post traumatic stress. By sharing the stories of the lived experiences of our peers, the support staff and the clinicians, it's our aim to make sure we can have a meaningful connection with our audience, and give them the ideas for their own self care plan. If you do like what you're hearing, subscribe to the channel and share it with your friends. Lastly, these stories may be a trigger for your post traumatic stress. If your PTSD is triggered, we have links to support in the description. Or if it's immediate, please call lifeline on 1311 14. Here's your host, Andy fermo.

Andy Fermo: 1:03

Can you just share with us a little bit if something happened? And it wasn't quite dealt with or he's like had someone you go along with or pursue this? Because that's all this is the policing right that bit and then it flares up into this riot. What happens there with bloody a short small amount of crew only a few constables there and your team lines

Damien Mullen: 1:24

up and all the time we had one time so me and the sergeant we went to a disturbance. And it was one family guests now the family and they were a palapa drunk and now throwing rocks it's a Burroughs this heaps of rocks and rocks everywhere in and they were throwing rocks at each other. They will find in a weekend because someone called him disturbance. When obviously we already have it. It's just the two of us who are grm kiwi. Alright think that down. I didn t doesn't have the two police officers are think they went out on training or something. So I think that I own two police officers in Barolo at the time. And then we got caught in the middle of it. And we were like, there was fending for our lives. One stage went on, we were behind you Spence. And let's say he's 67. And he's crouched down on credit stand behind this lock wire fence. And we were stuck there and in the guard about house and people were there, we'll just start rocks. So they're on the other side of the fence throwing rocks at us. And what are you ever going to shoot someone near some rocks that Yeah, but yet if a rock which is recovery ready and die, or seriously injured,

Andy Fermo: 2:34

massive rock to the head who's

Damien Mullen: 2:35

gonna give you first aid, right? They, for some reason, they just hated us at that moment. And I remember him saying to us, we're gonna get to three we're going to run because a cow was at the front of the house and softening had three gotta run and whatever happens. No, we just can't he can't get to three and we just ran as fast as we could to the front of the house jumped in that car and the car was smashed out. And yeah, it's just inside then. Then the next day they apologise and because you've got that relationship with them fun it's forget

Andy Fermo: 3:06

caught caught in crossfire at the heat of the moment

Damien Mullen: 3:09

and the family issues and alcohol and we all have I was terrible. Here he was a crazy place. But people have to also great things as far as leading the country like anyone that's listened to this, their voice overs are joined in Northern Territory all the way as well. And probably even to Australia and country policing some credible threnody claesson Yeah, yeah,

Andy Fermo: 3:32

that's a bright ference and then so what was it that brought you back to you had gente experience what sort of brought you was it a family thing moving you back to vehicle was like a posting that you did or

Damien Mullen: 3:43

what was one who turned jobs in Barlow, the Gobi. Yeah. And then it was law. So it was over Christmas. So deep blue data pretty short before just before Christmas, I attended a sitz case. And demo the title of Ellington of Baden just passed away to Dan I was working over in 2010 off working during Christmas Mr. Morris left with the two kids to go back to Victoria King she went to Victoria better thing the thing Lincolnshire obviously I teach and I had time off universe at this point I'll I'll just stay here Mark yet. Follow them on Did you had that those other plate those three other police officers started to other place I've said why and why He's on leave it in only one place that didn't go on they'd have a montage so there was free to stay so we had a Christmas together. We do get called in was standing and abroad now on Christmas Day. So hold on called the whole Christmas Bureau because I will tell you I'm third family day Yeah, so I sent you guys hopefully on call. Yeah. And then you got segments with a team and you guys shared at the twain that someone does Christmas day with you. Someone else does Fox known. Her Christmas day we had that but it was still got to have the face blocked by the family Christmas wick. With Dan Locke. We've got the lunch still even after being called out to that job, then dang Boxing Day at night was like 1130 at night. We're gonna call it con phone call or that sorry don't call far from get a phone call for a nine year old dude that sells Bandol in Orland which is an oil and just off day interested cop in the Gulf cop terrarium does the weed all and so it's looking it's an all way it is. I actually grew it before we went here at the moment is only one family lived in a I think there's a five people that did on the island and according to Wikipedia, but when I went then there was a family deed and then there was another family that me there's one they didn't but it might have been two families that did this and how many people so got the phone call letting Daddy that he She hung herself and that dad found her that Tom the eat is obviously monitoring weather and we couldn't get the bar down there because they've lost it wasn't waters

Andy Fermo: 6:05

in and the tides the tides of massive issue. story,

Damien Mullen: 6:10

sir yeah. Yeah, yeah. And that the love is obviously no laugh about the situation. But that's the place laugh and COVID Half our goal that was boxing day had no and then I had to obviously call out the other two police officers because we had to start running she'd had to tell all the superintendents from Katherine and Darwin and joy but then we had to do try and organise the one of the sea ranges which is someone from the community to see ranger to drop the police boat to then pile and in the morning by first law. Yeah, so all that we stayed out organising everything to five o'clock in the morning we left versus me. One or the other. 20 constables are going to say Ranger who was driving the boat we left we had to drive to Cass Bay which is maybe an hour or so away to launch the boat to get out there. So we got out there there was the family. The family day when we arrived today, and bananas Lord obviously saw at 910 o'clock in the morning at stake and water just had low water about a week maker's mark around so we're going to deal with the body we're going to take photographs Everton will bring the body back the family will come and Derby that's all on you baton so we've got their hair in the end up where she Donna was about in the sort of scrobbling foxon Sure raw walk there's the beach it's our beautiful walk as far as picturesque place out there you've blocked Assange and then that you've waited half season in this bit of the scrub land and up this you will remember real lucky Hill trees never done and sometimes things are lucky so one of the family members he will walk and he he said to me he goes oh I'm gonna snap so branches so that way if you need to you can find your way back to the house. And at this stage we're just going to deal with body and identity fraud and and it was a call you know worse so he's always setting branches so it get out there and then we had to do all we had to do with the body who made a fair stretch and we stretched it out back to the boat and as we went to leave on a total you're going to be the problem seemed out of war and the tree or a went back out for more I don't know isn't this sort of granted? Yes. Right. And they'll lock all aids we're gonna we're going to type the body bank they detected from Katherine you're going to come to the day on their way to borrow oil and they're going to get the board back out. Chrome set out do whatever they need to do on the crime scene and then pick you up we're going to do our sir on ours. Song sitting on a rock at this stage no one's on the island the only two founders were there and I left with the body as well can send to the police so I'm the only one on the call and there's just far in reception there's foreign Mr. quani Oh, Sue is terrible thereby starting to get a GMO moseys last render water and I'm logged in under 40 hours five hours data getting data with kind of off you know uncommon so I made the decision to more leave the ground saying and walk back to the start today hence I was just lucky to did the branches because all made me way back to the house and then give out to the house and then their dogs so there was dogs there as well. Because I didn't I then they started attacking me on Zoom. So whilst we nearly pack easily fire on to one and I'm working for myself in the house and And then luckily enough they left this font there so I was able to call the station I've called the station I said spoke to the surgeon local or just making short Cassandra yet Dallas now so what's the last time that the sun was a bad third day? unlock a they still come in he's got some bad news for you they're not coming they've decided that they want to rest and you're gonna stay there and be prom sent down to the tree and Allah you're no one's flooding in me I've got no food I had nothing I had no no water may not however long hours and since the night before is no more II gotta police Come give me some water and start I had something but if you know the house that I'm talking about like you know he's definitely a Bedford and you drink water. Yeah. Then so I was up all night crosshair card at a tree or that area and they'll learn but then I was on call Can you you know if you can send me stuff clinics that have nice icons cool colour deal with one note and on the all end on your own all come down to subtle thing. You'll get this EMI. He's an old school of thought and nothing tiny bit better than it was. When you're old school. Yeah, Sergeant, crusty Sergeant a really nice guy too. But so that was the response. So I stayed out. Obviously didn't sleep last night day. crops and garden farm one and I took up a walk 11 o'clock. did bring a sandwich for me. So that was quite handy, fellas. Cheers. Cheers, fellas. And then then I hadn't yet helped process the same and have the news for a couple of days. Waiting at home to room wait that night. And then I started to finish my statement. I know I can then have led to knock off and then shift. Yeah, the shift. And there. There was no like welfare though. There's our flock fee and doctor. You process and what you just saw on your island? On an island? Just yourself? Yes. Thanks for coming. Yeah, and then. Yeah. And that along with that. You do other stuff as well. They come to authority. We were going to leave that here. Let's go hard. So it was a solid fair can eToro

Andy Fermo: 12:37

so that's just having an effect on you after that, that that incident and a couple of other ones that you just mentioned.

Damien Mullen: 12:44

So I didn't think so. No. Probably yes. But I didn't think so. Then Excel I mean had the wild traded you would probably leave that all would have a bit of a of an animosity or something to the sergeant or even to the detectives detained it too tired from the drop off. Okay, but no, no, and I didn't think it had any effect or just I just put into the back of my mind and join the Victorian police force so that they seem to desert wild name. Yeah. And that was only a short course because I was obviously already plays off so all I have to do is just the legislation, conversion and topical soon so we moved to August posted out to Morwell PlayStation so we've seen so that is keep saying okay, yes, I grew up in in more than the Mornington Peninsula. Dan Wonderland we didn't want to go back to where we were from opens up many doors somewhere in your movie at least somewhere in the middle my door back so we wanted something different and we got other posted out to the mall while my wife got a job at the secretary college knew where we lived in wearable him for and then voted but there was a lot so that was a it was a new star. Placing was completely different around in terms of you, you obviously still deal with some bad stuff, but it's just not as regular what I remember massage and when I first caught that he was fantastic. He passed the white balls there. flat cut and rotted out clean adhering to my service. But he was probably one of the best side and say that and he was a hard worker. And I'd been there for a couple of months. And I'd no rule wrists. And guys, we need to have a chat and we'll call it universe. So it brings me into his office and he's you know this job that you went to which was like someone got punched and watch them I just got punched who's fallen like this. Not even assault is in Detroit and that's an assault. But that's what we deal with it realise that's what you do with Dobby so I never go to these jobs that I would arrest Stay on because more Yo yo yo is different with the Northern Territory yeah so monster hitter and alright he deal with unlawful assault and someone banned ponstel fans a lot now over here

Unknown: 15:14

assistant when you've been sent D says

Damien Mullen: 15:17

yes the ones that have a hitter at night and the different types of plays you know if it was good and all of that that determined place to get a lot done Northern Territory plays there it was bright then return plays force is really good too. So I worked uniform so say two years at Morales has to be a station like a 24 hour station then I did 12 months set D the data you look at the comments so that's not there. Yeah, you've got the druggies in their city block which is the big one they do the big jobs this is like this squad divisional to ask me that you do the drug ease of use the journey to walk the small area okay, sorry, higher level than normal but no, it is too high it goes to a different area that actually drives one Yeah, so that was really exciting that was good. But once again like the whole is you do want to list search warrants sonar nerd yet had experience with that sort of stuff but it's soft and adrenaline rush lucky go there. He never know when you knock someone's door down. What is on the other side of that door? Whether it's nothing or something so you always get that real adrenaline rush. And then you get the dump and then the next day you get the adrenaline rush. And you don't realise that the Capes toll as well of the job. Yeah, all these chemicals and the adrenaline and the cortisol and all the stress things. I've learned how to get back to normal I think that's the issue with the place has occupied policing in your heart area, your combat zones the Babu also where you live and then this I don't know get posted to So did that for a year. So I went there for about three years did more in more wild than went to a small country station in drawn where we live. But it was in the time where I started not really noticing DNS, but looking. Once I had my last Schichten when Dan was talking about it, it's all worth worth it drawn. And I was going really well I was a very accomplished a lot to police officer. I was good at my job and law kicking stations. And then once again I was injured my shoulder but he still was through football so I had to shoulder I was had to shoulder reconstruction again, but that was paid by me you just through football. But when I was coming back from injury Oh, I'll take it off the Dan. And I did some timing please. prostitutions okay, just do some 10 G's, and I was in court. So this was his 23rd jantar deadnettle Feminine Yeah. So the court and I know the guilty plea so they I had to read out my job was to read out there like a precis of what then the incident and I stood up and I went to read it out and the words just landed into one blog I didn't know what was going on started sweating furiously I couldn't space couldn't Ray and I stood in a court I just damn assault uh sat down was lucky that I was in training that there's a place prosecuted next to me that just found a bit of paper and read in that to her oh wait you can see office know about say horn and loop fly there on a fan and that was a tiny bit panic attack not long at all didn't find the drive for more while does that static board house. Well, listen, it's been 45 minutes or so kilometres to horn but cried the whole way home. And I didn't even know what else Hi, Phil. I just this find an independent so I've got Corey Matoba Wallace. She was obviously shocked and I went straight to the doctors and I both described Covance some Bellion have put on some aid to process effects or some other told you've got PTSD. And I'm on pretarsal I didn't know when PTSD was with the Streisand to be one at a time, but I didn't throw it bolt burden and the main thief to learn Yeah, but it was what one person before that there was signs, you know, Matthew, by a desk in the absolutely no awareness. And then those signs were

Unknown: 19:42

at that time that time

Damien Mullen: 19:43

Yeah, it wasn't meant to look and blank block or would wait. We used to laugh and and we're still very dantas gonna walk you through our fabulous food titles one off programme we would oxycodone slaves to have nightmares. Or at least here's the key because all and drain it down but no one is obviously that day or the baby bent on want to open up a couple of bad debts and stuff he'd Victoria and then and then or just the haven't I made the vendor notes stood up as normal and then I would think a lot of invalid while bringing up a lot get the past for internet through Vaughn comments five so there was no further mustard I wouldn't sleep Kaduri for that he could go to the farms being part of the county get rest of it for sleep eating nothing maybe Cory You got to keep the draw his law firm sorry about setting that guard when you've thoughtful Yeah, and all would get that addicted today and let me get my wife to go to another farm for you to hear Alan you can yelling at segments and days yeah, I would give a walk together at a pharmacy while we get all funds and then get someone else to their to pharmacy, nearly an old needle three or four resident did go to bed to sleep for about hours seminar town. And we just used a chart while he was just talking to Ron and Jared famosas It's crazy to think that reading data was such a big role but when it's gradual, you're just starting it just starts to become normal work at the end on the wide range joke. And then I would like go to the doctors and I was on Alma Shoal is really bad to get an abandoned car in an old site just take an endo and because it would not be here and we thought this funny math song by your Draghi now would be the right job but not realise and walk into this was old before I even went into panic in the theatre you just like forget indicators Yeah, you would take all look the how awkward the wanting a club that's unfair so something and they'll maintain this embarrassed one year I don't even go to the presentation I would not go to old Mac excuses not to Derrida anyway that there was the public Yeah, I would and you do it all the note what all the debts I was normal thesis he would sit sounds for you would turn places you will look and access all the things I just assumed were normal. Yeah. Yeah. When I was gonna Airdrie every one of them and kill abroad on the 20th Jan, and then that's when I first found out PTSD. Well,

Andy Fermo: 22:17

then, Melissa, Thanks for Thanks. First of all, thanks for sharing that, because there's quite a lot in there that you've just mentioned. De mon and, and not recognising those signs. till afterwards. It's gradual. That's the thing is while you're saying this, it's creeping in. And then in those things that you're doing, just say for example, okay, that's meds or whatever it is, is taking these, then I can still function normally as part of my duty, right? So you don't think of it in a different sort of mindset about what it is and when you broke down, and obviously that's that was a trigger for a lot of stuff. You're driving home and crying that whole way is that since the release of a lot of emotions that's coming out, what was what was it like when you when they said you, you had diagnosed you with this condition? Did you accept it straightaway? What was your thoughts there? And were you in denial? So

Damien Mullen: 23:12

from that moment, so I always try and ethnicity is laid like this, with 2020 fours 2017 Holmes still unpacking period of time Mr. Fox from 2017 But yet we that the gap here with a diagnose V, but he wouldn't think of him as our destiny but what he would have died is sin. You've probably got PTSD. We wrote those descriptions that Dan obviously referred me on to the psychiatrist in college was footbed former diagnosis yes the den he was then in middle of his life crazy because not only the got PTSD you do work yen kava to get some work injury are they going to always locked you aren't sorry. I've heard a lot of how a lot of people some people dark and people's experience their experiences bullying their experiences not getting their support from the station and all that I got savour there was no lack of support the side Yang one of the sides is on are in my wife as well like here yeah there was this was on dance club from that moment or we need to fight or flight for two years it was on our view so when your neck your frame is not working and you only know what's going on and and then I started on the medication train you up from Margaret on belly and for for a year straight and then can

Andy Fermo: 24:39

they come in every day and that's one of the sees when you started yawning so were you still at that point until you had your panic attack and it's starting to get prescribed these meds were still on duty or did they medically put you on hold for lentil

Damien Mullen: 24:54

and have worked to so that 23 Jan so I was working up to 20 the gel Yeah, and it was funny the weekend And before those believe that was Monday the weekend before that who uploaded that weekend? I was just saying to lock my wife away for a while to doll them off I just love this job isn't the best job okay and prosecutions now means it from home goods have been in your workplace where you can change jobs within a Joel yeah from walk and have loved this that was what conversation today crucial is the day full upon the mind and templates a lot less force Allison does still there. And I have any resentment towards police force or donated never regretted anything but the old work run up to them. But then that day, I'd never been back in a police station or went home. Then I was given to a saw last spar with from that moment. From what from at that size of the array to 100. But who was probably Nike? Or was probably 70 to 100. Raleigh had 30 to go off I just didn't realise I was kind of 71 So why spiralled out in a row look, I was on here and I've never been back in a PlayStation hints that day we'll be drawing PlayStation on when they filled out while I went design got interviewed by an investigator for my work cover fall because they they filled out the word cover form or I never knew anything about work or forms. They did that behind the scenes. So a lot was happening behind the scenes that I just looked very their appointments thought they would just happen. I'd wake up one day and have you know, Aki got another appointment? Yes. Wasn't a tool. Part of the work? How are you go get them for an independent medical examination, which is the psychiatrists in at they foster a bunch of stuff to get the form of diagnosis. So yeah, I'm sure that you got the injury that you said that you've had claimed while went there, I know Ray one better than everybody. And they know any of the process where I went into it. So I just went there may only say today because I go through all your friend and then I had trauma as a kid as well. So that is cool border. Dan, they give you a report and send you the report. They give it to the worker bar in people what's going on acid buy, does tutoria but you also get sent a copy of that report and I've written that report. This is like a couple of months out of the job. Not really still no more PTSD. And they in that report that first psychiatrists said compounded at full and this is 2007 A, you will never work a day in your life again. He shouldn't even drive a car or PTSD. And there are some jobs in there that will stay at subconscious findings. Was Holly true three months after I'd went up with God who made him sick in January I'm reading it all never worked a day in my life again and I read this to care it's our boy I'm doorstep no I have to read up on that got me yet and that was the first another section with buy from PlayStation or there was a more PlayStation or Playstation lock warble would be one draw and sort of the small one where I work and discharging my wireframe is such a small place national police force in small area so he's out of here so uncle off I'll come to our cast stones. Take his stuff. Then I overdosed and they the airbrush came saga and restaurants will mark our kids for rock tagging next door now all my knickknacks and I just heard fantastic data taken there while the indolence has come rushing your hospital now to put in a software load for bit Brouwers I didn't last too long of date while the meds that our talk had worn almost was it couple of days. And then they released me because I was good at telling them what they needed to Yes, yeah. To get out. And then from that motion is like a roller coaster of what kind of falls this was

Andy Fermo: 29:16

bad for us to that went and because I think oh man that's that's a lot that you just shared man then and thanks for sharing that because it's that type of experience. Yeah, it's probably hold on. Let me take a moment so that we're having shared that experience as one of them. There was something that you mentioned before with the report. They can't look that sent you spiralling to then those other subsequent actions right the overdose can you just share a little bit more about how that made you feel reading that report because you go from being a functional word, you're on the job, you're doing your job, you're loving it, you're telling your wife, what else? What other? What other roles Some allow you to be able to do this and this and then something's happened and incident has happened where it's unlocked everything so then you're off work right you've removed from something that you love so much and that is passionate about then you get this report that says that Damien shouldn't be working shouldn't be driving shouldn't be humour basically what I had obviously there was that effect but was at the time reading that was

Damien Mullen: 30:28

he could still get an understatement right and what could it mean give wouldn't always it such a Wiseman couldn't stand by sound Hall was torn at first this year. You might think it just seemed like it was too wide. Yeah, and I was just down from the dock to this garters to so called on one different ice. It's uncertain it's pretty great oceans and no one here not only one waters, it's addictive. You get in January. He messes with the grapes early on it's been horrible and dark seeds and Friesland for long very adamant suffer dimeric busting the Dania secret Danny Stein you don't function in tobacco that call the machine can kill he does fall he act that needs to start into this a ball of art. I've read that enough to deal with him. The kid I'm sorry, I'm here today on the back of the head caught Yeah. But um, carried later on later on Dan. One of the things I think a lot of pick a spirit and the heart beats and Bolton's your coaster. Yeah. Just basically house a snowboard. Right.

Unknown: 31:59

Yeah. The stereo Todd.

Damien Mullen: 32:02

didn't just say in always four centimetres dirty when pictures give us fake push equation. And when we went to the shops What did you feel like? You're the only one? Yeah, that was willing right. Now Is anyone familiar? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's take a listen. Take the strange of the lens.

Unknown: 32:26

Yeah, what do you do? Yeah, yeah. To

Damien Mullen: 32:29

bring up some badges if you want to just push them on and even call out in restaurant in this article. And widely barred boy wait. Sir What did he eat it stood out. Didn't sites. Where would I want? Yes. Where he made me struggling. is flowing. I don't like the bold. Put them I think I think why.

Unknown: 33:04

Third? Yeah. Though. The residual skills there from

Damien Mullen: 33:08

section three b part seems really good. Obviously. She's off to say it out. Ya know. Thanks, club. It sounds like he did respond. Jason's fault. All right. Thanks, Nick. For the white collars. Here. Thank you. Thank you apply it to all waters to avoid ply. them shine. Lauren might look because law I think the next Sunday on the one. Yeah. So one very last thing, solution quad Lynfield. One. But what expand the Cynefin? S?

Andy Fermo: 33:57

Wait, that's right. No, that's right. And obviously, this is the end if it does bring up any of the stuff that you don't want to talk about. And so you mentioned before, yeah. You were doubts that from what you were saying? They might is that yeah, that was like an outlet, right, which is I had an empathetic coach to be able to go and do your outlet with your sport that you're going in. But besides that, you're not wanting to engage with society there for that period. Right? Can you share it? Can you share what that was like on a daily because you mentioned before that and it is and and so that's the thing, right? So is people going what are the follow up questions from what are you doing today? What do you do for work? Are you having a day off? All those little things get to you after a while as well? So how the fuck do I respond to that? Without going? Am I going to get this judge in bloody this judgement, right? So you talked about being anxious and you can't even leave the house? What was can you share or speak to that a little bit more?

Damien Mullen: 34:56

So, boy, Chris, That was that was pretty hot what it is word dangerous is our firm that shops to network Vista working was more acuity to lace the site the gaps between Rachel and Dina and Raven Yes One thing to keep to get me over and so like I still won't change but cool yep he took him through our community while the dark now the evening rolling consistently like a lot of people would fitness they will and a status you know when it shocks foreign cat when insects a toy and you said if you miss that you will have issues with House problem International to ordering too much like big coin yeah so if I knew like when it started number one I don't know I was this was the person who paved the way in the shop name soft white Jeep in niglet Princeton

Andy Fermo: 35:59

yes yeah they know that Damien's come to the shop eight

Damien Mullen: 36:02

times to do the search a little bit so we're not just we're about to go to the tune or wait to elope in June so hard no alone playing football while you do not know I will go to the queue in the right time so I have nothing to see many tables and then do a quick work and aren't locked out. If dye whitening does not even really do okay. things fail on average Everdeen Belden the principle of life a lot of work. You contribute into the community in Lebanon on Robert Bromley called World Cup one crap I don't even deserve to be walked in the streets

Andy Fermo: 36:49

said you were gonna start to stop your meds and so from what you're saying and what I'm picking up on hearing is that you you're serving the sentence on yourself there's no I'm not deserving to be out there who are taking away your own freedoms right to be able to go and do this stuff in that at that point in time. You become

Damien Mullen: 37:05

this system just this morning watching I was in a real bad why firstly philosophy is frighten people and bring fucky through but basically she said she gave me this advice and said you get it had Peter the debt associated with firstly was fun is NAB dies from PTSD and void and constantly happening then you become a system and system graduating the kids. You're all right. EB Torres listed three years for at least two years work patterns and so you're onward so you can't work your tail it's important that what is more of an isolate that you've already got which at yeah sit down when censured for it and all that give them for anything you thought in air conditioned division then you also feel as though when somebody's watching you want the guidance taking photos so you want to feel like small smiling catching on small flaw yeah yeah,

Unknown: 38:16

he's right in the system right it's

Damien Mullen: 38:19

meant to help you get small part where I was lucky is not Cape he was multilit small section they knew he knew the lake nice on the SAT and I think this day I knew what people told about the doors and all that but knowing taking me to the hospital yeah there was there condensing right yes this stone end of the day not only and Mr. Bass forgive me but I was just Yuki during you become this sense that when it gets to the quarter your mind can't and won't. Can't go to the place that took place that's been stuck down there often only

Andy Fermo: 38:53

they neglect me in a liability talk

Damien Mullen: 38:56

me into the film so you can't work your current job. But then you can't break the narrative because I'm working another job. And then and then it gets to the point where he like he just stopped to get to the end of the two years then you're on patient bikeathon. He started me sticking out to receive the pension of the The same goes for Defence Force denote sort of recovering the motor recover but you know, in a way he's what he gives you. Like if I recover if I split back for sure security. Clearly not don't have to find love whilst hundreds of 1000s of dollars for blocked to money because I'm not working where I should be working from getting promoted and all this other stuff. They do have that safeguard and I'm gonna pay attention so you totally hate us. Yeah. And you press Play Do you bake in so just how I get better until

Unknown: 39:53

it puts in a really high position Hey,

Damien Mullen: 39:55

it's become you see that you become the system. So like beliefs. Hold on, it really gets me here. So unlock when you go and down and you feel unbanned here, things like PTSD as well as a lot of things that are out there that SNU never get better yet. There's a lot of negative stuff. Believing that you need to get better, especially

Andy Fermo: 40:16

when you're right diamond should never bloody work again. It shouldn't be driving the car and all that stuff. So that's

Damien Mullen: 40:21

the system. That's why she was talking. So yeah, we had another two y ma so you I wanted the start and one a lock there. Nah, man, say and then one in muddy the year after all three said in a separate ones. All Thoreau said I'll never worked a day in my life again. So that affirming what I already thought, because I believed it from the from the first line. But I didn't have any education behind me. I didn't have anyone to speak to, to say no, you him. You're going 100% You can do this. And that belief plays a key role in recovery. So you become the system. Yeah. And so some of the best advice you gave has, yeah. Try not to become the system. And so who was who's this that you said this? My psychologist? Yeah. Yeah. So Aaron, and and within just practising, we're going to be Toria Yeah, apparent on Tuesday. So

Andy Fermo: 41:12

you'd already been suffering for a long time. And they're not becoming the system that before she said that, you can get better. But three reports of people saying that and then this really asked me if I can, but I can real, like a kick to the guts amongst many things to vet ledee be told that and go what are we gonna do to get better from then

Damien Mullen: 41:33

it's the baking blocks. You're at home, you know, talking to people because of work, have a process but then you like, you feel like you're a burden on your kids and stuff. So no one could come to our house. As I said before I went down and people were allowed it to come fast. I'll be look, I'd freak out. That was the normal thing, lovely glass together. But then once I went down PTSD, and that after the formal diagnosis, no one was able to come to our house or I couldn't deal with that. So anxious. I had decided to not have panic attacks. And so they don't heard Madonna's Doctor hospital. They only use her quantlib. So she graduated, one of the set. The homicide does satisfy me. Hey, Brent seeks graduation, I could a new dawn. I'm gonna have a Denver accent My wife bought a new place for for me, so she gave it to me. So I wanted to put a necklace around so that she could go to law. Yes. That's working. couldn't work. I couldn't leave the house. So I'm like, I'm hiring more she's graduating her pride six or more one girl says haven't gone through so on and so on. In the community? Yes. Oh, you know, to helping people to then return home on their couch. shakin while my daughter's here graduating in grade six, and my menu off. He is that thinking you're a bird. And then obviously then that, that that's the thing about suicide as some people would say, or it's a selfish thing. But I would say that a lot of people you see, kids, you see that PTSD. It's an illness as well that people think that they're doing it for the benefit of others don't they're actually trying to hold on to that given the situation. I was moved back then. Yeah, well, I'm no longer here to Hong Kong and this burden that's trained to sign in Layard. Now fight back then that's what I'd say felt. That's how I felt. Yeah. For both I was baptised into my wife because of that. I'm keeping her holding her back. On holding her son back on hold my daughter back. They'll be start wonder sorry. That's an older that is pushing. There'll be better off sorry in the long run is on no longer have it.

Claire Fermo: 43:49

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