Adult Kids with Addiction: A Conversion with Mother and Son, and the Journey Through Addiction, Soul Recovery, and Finding Joy

In this heartfelt episode of "Recover Your Soul," Rev. Rachel Harrison has an intimate conversation with her adult son, Alex, who shares his experiences of growing up in an alcoholic home and his current journey towards personal growth, healing, success and happiness. The discussion covers Alex’s current substance use, and the positive changes that have come in the last few years supporting his goal to be an independent adult with healthy relationships. Additionally, they explore the dynamics of family relationships, touching upon the challenges and growth they’ve faced, including how now sees the tough love from when he was younger.  This episode is a blend of raw, emotional insights, tears and laughter, offering listeners deep reflections on the complexity of family, recovery, and healing through Soul Recovery.

For more information about Rev. Rachel Harrison and Recover Your Soul- visit the website www.recoveryoursoul.net  use the code TRYASESSION for 40% off your first Spiritual Coaching session when you book on the website.  Visit the website for all events and groups to get involved in Soul Recovery and the community.

Soul Recovery Support Group on Zoom -The 1st Monday of the Month, 6PM Mountain Time. This is a drop in support group where we can come together to explore, connect and support each other on our Soul Recovery journey.  Visit the website to regi

Join others on the Soul Recovery journey on Monday July 1st from 6-7PM on Zoom for the FREE Soul Recovery Support Group. This month we will be talking about 'Criticism and Judgement.' I will give a brief talk, open for questions and then we will break into small groups.  Register on the website, or if you have already registered- be on the look out the day of the meeting in your inbox for a reminder email.  

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.

Transcript

Rev Rachel Harrison: 0:59

If soul recovery is around how to be in relationship with ourselves and the complicated nature of having relationships with others, then this is a great episode because this is a conversation with my oldest son, who's now 27, alex, who came into town for a concert. Part of soul recovery is learning how to let people be exactly who they are, how to accept and love them for exactly who they are and I'm sober and my kids aren't, and we had a lot of dysfunction in growing up that we're all healing from. And in this powerful conversation, alex is willing to share vulnerably and openly about some of those experiences of being raised in an alcoholic home, where he's at, in terms of his use of drugs and alcohol, and also how is he healing, how is he taking responsibility for himself and his happiness and how has he related to our sometimes tough love. And it's a beautiful conversation with some tears and some laughter and some real raw energy around what it is to be human. Enjoy.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 2:10

Welcome to the Recover your Soul podcast a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life. My name is Reverend Rachel Harrison. I started Recover your Soul after having profound changes in my life from my recovery of alcoholism, codependency and control addiction, I was guided to share the tools and principles of spirituality and soul recovery to help others transform their lives, as mine was transformed. For us to overcome external circumstances, we need to turn the attention to ourselves, focusing on our inner change and healing. Positive results in our lives will follow. Welcome to Recover your Soul. I'm Rev Rachel and I am sitting here in my little studio with my son, alex, and his girlfriend, lexi. They're in town for a concert at Red Rocks for 420, which is incredibly appropriate. So, hi, alex and Lexi, hey how's it going?

Rev Rachel Harrison: 3:11

I want to thank Alex for coming in and talking to us in this podcast, because I know many of you also have adult sons or children. I happen to have adult sons, have adult kids who are in your life and you're working on how to let them be exactly who they are. So I wanted to take this opportunity just to chat with Alex about where he's at now and maybe some of the ways that we've been interacting now in our healthier space and some of the choices that were made earlier and how he feels about them. So thank you for being willing to do that Of course.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 3:46

Tell us a little bit about what you guys came into town for.

Alex Harrison: 3:49

Well, Lexi's friend got a Christmas gift for tickets to the 420 on the rocks at Red Rocks and told us that we should join along. So we got tickets and it all sorted out and made a family visit. Slash concert.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 4:03

So if anybody has never heard of the concept of 420, what is that?

Alex Harrison: 4:08

It's weed day.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 4:09

Weed day. I think 420 was the police code.

Alex Harrison: 4:13

I've heard that too. I'm not sure if it's true or not.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 4:14

I don't know if it's true or not, but that's the folklore is that that was the police code, and so then it was got a 420. So 420 is anything, anything pot related.

Alex Harrison: 4:24

Yeah, and so April 20th is basically basically National Weed Day.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 4:28

Right, exactly.

Alex Harrison: 4:30

Yeah.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 4:35

So, being that you were here for 420 and you just smoked a big joint right before we came in here, where are you in your usage? How do you think that's working in your life right now?

Alex Harrison: 4:42

I mean it's taking a backseat at this point. I mean it's I don't really overdo it, I don't, you know, focus on it too much. Let's say I use it a little bit every day, but most of the time it's at night. Or I mean it works slow because I just draw all day. So it kind of helps with my creativity, but it's not nearly as much as it used to be.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 5:07

And creativity, um, but it's not nearly as much as it used to be, and in terms of some of the other drugs that you were using at points in your life that were harder on your life where are they at?

Alex Harrison: 5:13

Um, I don't know. I party sometimes, but it's, you know, very few, and in between it's mostly if I go to like a crazy concert, like you know, dubstep or electric music or something like that, eat some mushrooms or you know do something something, something here and there, but most of the time I just drink on the weekends. Occasionally I don't really drink that much these days and we'll smoke a little bit at night together and, like I said, a little during the day for creativity if I need it.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 5:41

But that's about it so if I'm your mom and I'm sober and I look at your life, you know, to be honest, when I look at your life, I'm not scared for you at all. I mean, that's my truth is I'm not concerned that, um, that you're overindulging too much. I'm I mostly, as a mom feel like I wished that I had made other choices, because if I had gotten sober earlier, I would have been a better mom to you. So sometimes that's really where I come from. But when I look at your life, I think it's important for me to have clarity around what it is for you instead of what it is for me. So when I look at you, what I hear you saying is it's just part of your daily life, but it doesn't feel like you're over consuming or it's taking up too much of your time and energy. Is that correct?

Alex Harrison: 6:36

Yeah, I'd say so and I mean I live in California. So they say Cali sober is when you smoke weed and are sober and everything else. That's what they will call it. Cali sober is when you smoke weed and are so on everything else that's a we'll call it cali sober. And there's a lot of quote-unquote cali sober people in california, so weed is just super regular yeah so I don't know.

Alex Harrison: 6:54

Nobody really seems as as an overindulgent. I mean it definitely can be. I don't really dab anymore or do any of like the concentrated anymore. We just kind of smoke a little bit of flour, have like a little pen that we hit here and there, but it's really it.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 7:08

And I love that you're in this relationship with Lexi, who is such a sweetheart and you guys are such a wonderful couple, cause I feel like it's given you the impetus to want to be a better self for her. Do you think that's true? Oh, for sure, yeah 100%. Yeah.

Alex Harrison: 7:28

She's been a light in my life and helped motivate me to do better than I was currently doing. I want her for myself, but there's that push to want to be able to support her and take care of her and be healthy and happy and emotionally and financially stable you know, be healthy and happy and emotionally and financially stable.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 7:47

We talked about this before that there's some real truth about the frontal cortex kicking in. When would you say that you're 27 now? When would you say that there was like a shift in your brain to really take responsibility for your own life?

Alex Harrison: 8:02

I mean I I've always kind of felt responsibility but I was always just like set the bar low. I was talking to someone about this the other day that I feel like I've played down my intelligence a lot because I didn't feel like doing it, I didn't want to take the extra effort and I was lazy, so I just wanted the easy route. So I downplayed my intelligence and do as I as good as I could have, kind of set the bar low and it just that's like. That's something that I just kind of regret, you know.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 8:32

Yeah. So now that you've had that frontal cortex kick in um and you have this higher desire for yourself, what does that look like?

Alex Harrison: 8:43

Just like I said, just be financially stable, happy, healthy. Money is a big part of life these days and I just want to build a home base for myself, basically, and just see where the future takes it with me and Lexi. But currently I'm doing graphic design and I'm trying to build my own brand and I'm starting to get some traction and some people and I'm doing a bunch of custom designs for people on a bunch of or on the side, so I'm just kind of just striving for my art right now.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 9:13

Yeah, you're an amazing artist.

Alex Harrison: 9:16

Thank you.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 9:16

Yeah, it's so fun. I've said this before, but we joke that when you were in school you weren't paying attention to the teacher. You were drawing drawings and I actually have some of his little drawings up on the wall here at the studio that he did when he was a kid and now you get to do those full time and that's a testament to how life will work out for you when you have a passion and creativity. 100% yeah 100% so.

Alex Harrison: 9:46

So yeah, I mean with what you're saying, I would say around when I was 25 about, or like 26 ish, was when I just started seeing everything different and I went from like I was always just kind of a wing it and live in the moment kind of person and, you know, overspend or do things or make choices. I shouldn't because I was like I just want to be happy now. Like you know, if the world ended tomorrow, I want to be happy right now. But now I just kind of see things differently. I want to like build a good future for myself and I definitely see things a little differently.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 10:14

It's like putting on a pair of glasses, almost yeah, I talk about that all the time that you.

Alex Harrison: 10:18

It is as you choose to see it, so it's this opportunity to switch and also just I mean, it's almost harder sometimes, like there's just also a lot of things that come with growing up and being an adult and life just gets busy and stressful and it's a lot sometimes.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 10:34

So it's about balancing that with just choosing happiness and being grateful for what you have if you're ready for soul recovery, as, as a spiritual coach, I can support your healing to help make real changes that will bring you a life of peace, happiness, connection and abundance.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 10:51

You can also work in smaller groups by taking a deep dive in a Zoom workshop or with me in person at a retreat or an event. Join others on the Soul Recovery Path once a month for the free Zoom support group or daily on the private Facebook page. Visit the website recover your soulnet to book coaching sessions with me or find all the information you need about soul recovery dates that are coming up and how to register for those groups and workshops. To support the podcast and the community, check the links in the show notes to make a small monthly donation or a one-time donation of your choice. That will make a huge impact to support this community and the Soul Recovery Mission. Together we can do the work that will recover your soul. I love that you said that, because one of the things that is real is that you've struggled with mental health issues for your whole life, which you potentially came in with the brain that you got, and you have found a way to do the pivot.

Alex Harrison: 11:58

Can you tell people? Me the pivot is like just kind of noticing when you're, when you're feeling your emotions like too much and you're getting, like you know, overwhelmed or depressed or sad or and just kind of putting on. It's not a mask, but you just kind of like choose in yourself to just like be happy or just try to choose.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 12:17

It's kind of it's like pivot, you just pivot so when you first started to pivot, what we talked about is that it it was almost like really faking it till you felt it.

Alex Harrison: 12:27

Yeah.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 12:27

But now, from what you've told me is, the pivot has become more natural, where you just have that awareness, it's like, wow, I can really go down this whole path that feels really yucky and watch it spiral, or I can stop it right here and make a different choice. That's it. That's it. It's yucky and watch it spiral, or I can stop it right here and make a different choice that's, that's that's it.

Alex Harrison: 12:43

It's either you spiral or you make a pivot. It's kind of like the two ends of it, the spectrum, at least for me with my ibpd and depression anxiety. So I'd struggle sometimes. But it's like it's literally there are two ends of the spectrum. I can either spiral and it just doesn't really do anything for me, or I can choose to pivot in half time. I mean, like you said, at first, you just make it at first and then you just get more emotionally aware, self-aware, and it's kind of easier to just maneuver around those overwhelming emotions, I guess.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 13:15

Do you mind if we talk about some stuff from the past around detachment and enabling and things like that? Do you mind if we hit some of those topics?

Alex Harrison: 13:26

Sure.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 13:27

Not really giving him much of a choice. I wanted to talk about some of those things just because, in terms of people who have been listening to the podcast for a long time and are dealing with their own kids, that sometimes that concept of letting you fall down on your own as a parent is one of the most difficult choices to make. How has it been for you, over the years, to have parents who have not saved you? What has that been like?

Alex Harrison: 13:58

I mean, at first it was, it sucked. At first it was awful and I was pissed about it and I'm my friends who was just like I don't know. It was just, it was hard at first and seeing people around me who their parents would do everything for them or driving all these nice cars, just had everything. You know, at first it was, it's hard and I didn't like it. But then you know, as you grow up and as they get older and become an adult and get a different sense of things, I'm actually grateful for it because it's helped me become who I am independent and able to stand on my own two feet and take care of myself. So I'm grateful to you guys for doing that and you've always supported me. You've always been there, but it's kind of like a tough love thing and you've always been there, but it's kind of like a tough love thing, Thank you.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 14:42

Thank you for feeling that I've always supported you because I've always wanted to. That's been my goal. Where does that line cross for you, as the person who wants the help and can see both sides of yourself, both the unhealthy part and the part that is really growing into your true, healthy state? How do we continue to do this thing together, where you feel supported and I still hold lines around? You know how much money I give you or what you can expect from me. What do you feel on both ends of that?

Alex Harrison: 15:21

like I say it's like 25, 26, when things change, like I just see things differently. And so nowadays I don't try to just take money from you guys, like I try to get you paid back if I ever need to borrow money in this point, as I rarely ever try to hit you up for money, for the most part, I, you know taking care of myself. But when I do need a little bit of help, you've always been there for me. But you know, when I was younger I'd be like, oh, just you know, give me, give me, give me. But we're all out here just trying to survive and thrive.

Alex Harrison: 15:49

So I, you know, I don't ever want to take and not, you know, give back. And I was trying to give whenever I can. And just you know, be generous, because you always get love like that in return. I believe big on things like that. I don't know, it's just we've we've had a balance, we have a respect for each other and we've, we've all just grown from all this, these difficulties we've had, and like that's like one of the main things in life that they say is you learn from your mistakes. So that's why I think what's got us to where we are now is just learning from all the weirdness.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 16:20

I've had so many people who are so appreciative of your allowing me to speak so candidly about our relationship and that you continue to come and participate on the podcast as well, and Bodhi and Rich, and it really means so much that our family is healing and getting better and gives other people hope for the same.

Alex Harrison: 16:46

Don't cry, it's okay, I love you. I love you Mama.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 16:53

Myself together to ask my next question.

Alex Harrison: 16:55

Good discussion so far.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 16:58

So what does it feel like for you to come home?

Alex Harrison: 17:05

Um, I mean just being around family. I have no family out in California. I mean I do now. I consider it like seeing my family but not having Bodie out there with me anymore, and not seeing him.

Alex Harrison: 17:15

Like I have no family, so there's just that feeling of just being home and around family. It's just indescribable, and home will never feel the same. You know, I don't have a room anymore and the house has all changed and so it's no longer like my house, it's my parents' house. That's how it feels to me. But home's where you make it, home's wherever Lexi is To come home to you guys is like I said, it's just a feeling. Just being around family will always be home as well. Home is where family is.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 17:42

I should say yeah and do you feel like? At one point I remember you had said that it was hard to be in this area because there were so many difficult memories. How is the past for you? Are you able to release the pain from the past in a healthier way, or is there still some stigma and pain around that?

Alex Harrison: 18:02

No, I think I've grown and matured enough emotionally to be able to. You know, nothing really bothers me anymore. I'm able to heal from it. I mean, there's still, you know, there's always going to be tough emotions that come with things that have happened in the past, but for the most part I'm at peace with everything.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 18:23

And you and your dad have had a pretty tumultuous relationship on and off over the years.

Alex Harrison: 18:28

I would say so, yeah off over the years.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 18:29

I would say so, yeah, and I was always trying to battle and be in the middle and, uh, people, please and jump around it. Does it still feel that way?

Alex Harrison: 18:41

no, not really. I feel like like you said that that on that trip to hawama when I told you that I'm okay, kind of things changed for the better and how has it been for you to have your own relationship with your dad?

Rev Rachel Harrison: 18:56

I'm not driving it.

Alex Harrison: 18:57

I mean we don't really have one. I mean we do, but like we don't really talk as much as we should. I really wish we chatted more, but I'm very busy, he's very busy and I shouldn't what that came out wrong. We do have a relationship, but we just don't talk enough. Weeks or months will pass between like phone conversations. We communicate through him sending me things on Instagram like memes and stuff.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 19:23

Which he sends all this stuff to me as well about.

Alex Harrison: 19:27

Being healthy and investing money and stuff like that. So he's showing you cares. I mean, we don't like really catch up or talk because most of our connection we built through work, creating stuff together. So our lifestyles are a little different. So it's not.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 19:44

It's harder to be like, hey, this movie, this show, or like random stuff like that and and does that feel painful to you, or are you accepting of it as it is?

Alex Harrison: 19:55

both. I'm accepting of it as it is, but the only painful thing is I just feel like I'm gonna regret later in life not talking to him more, because I keep seeing shit like that. And I see all these videos where it's like talk to your family more, blah, blah, blah, and I'm like, yeah, it's true, like we're all getting older, like I'm gonna be 28 this year and that just trips me out so, and we're all just growing like weeds out here.

Alex Harrison: 20:19

Um, smoking weed growing like weed I definitely do want to, you know, keep in touch more with you guys, but I think me and dad's relationship was pretty solid yeah, I think so, and it's been more of a level of respect.

Alex Harrison: 20:32

I didn't give him a lot of the reason that we had such a hard time like my side at least if it was me not giving dad the respect he deserved as a father, because I was just one of those it's like you can't tell me what the hell to do, kind of kids and it's just. It was probably hard for him to deal with. Nowadays I have respect for him, I feel like he has respect for me and we love each other and I think everything's pretty solid.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 20:57

When we were watching some of the old videos last night and you always say that you both love to see them and they make you sad. Can you tell me about that?

Alex Harrison: 21:08

You're going to make me cry, I don't know. Just seeing how good dad was as a dad to us and then all the shit that we went through just like brings up a lot of emotions in me and it's sometimes it's hard to think about. He was a really good dad we always cry as a tough kid like, like you said, I was just born with what I was born with in my brain and just go out frustrate, figure it out, balance it out.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 21:36

I think when I watch those videos, what I hope that we all remember is really the foundation of love that's always been there.

Alex Harrison: 21:46

It's raining in here.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 22:02

And also like innocence. You know when I watch movies of you guys and I think about even myself as a kid, that there's it's complicated and that we can either attach to the pain and have that become our story, or whether we can see the things that we've been through and we become heroes and through that we can make it through anything. And my biggest regret is that you guys were raised in an alcoholic home.

Alex Harrison: 22:28

Yeah, I mean, I didn't really realize it until I was older. All this stuff well, alcoholics when all the stuff you guys talk about regretting like as a kid, I just never didn't know. You know, yeah, because we don't make no difference to me, right?

Rev Rachel Harrison: 22:41

it's, it's only, it's like what you know. So if you don't know, you don't know. What do you see in your future if you are looking at a crystal ball of the law of attraction and manifesting and pulling the life of your dreams? What does that look like for you?

Alex Harrison: 22:58

I don't know, just making art, selling art, living in a good house, trucks and dirt bikes, a couple of dogs, lexi.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 23:06

That's what I'm striving for right now and you like it in California.

Alex Harrison: 23:10

I'm four right now and you like it in California. Yeah, I want to try to get more South, like towards LA, for a time. And then Lexi loves Colorado, so we're kind of, you know, chit-chatting about maybe having Colorado be on our life adventure list. At some point. Getting back here, who knows what the future holds, but that's what I would like to manifest for myself well.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 23:32

I appreciate your coming in and being willing to share even difficult things and share your heart, and you're a big piece of these stories that I tell and I just want you to know how proud of you I am and I appreciate you being my son thanks mom well. Thank you very much for coming in and lexi, thanks for coming in thanks for having us being part of the the journey of life, and thanks for sharing your story I swear, my eyes are just sweating my eyes sweat a lot.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 24:05

I wasn't crying, you weren't crying. No, every time uh, dad's on the podcast, he totally breaks down and cries too. So that's how that goes. It's emotional stuff. It's because our family loves each other so much.

Alex Harrison: 24:18

Very much yeah.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 24:19

Oh, I know one thing we were on the phone the other day and you were talking about how our family talked about emotions, and you're able to understand your emotions in a healthy way and you realize like the rest of the world didn't talk about emotions.

Alex Harrison: 24:34

I mean some. You know, some people didn't grow up like that, so we were taught to, like, you know, go to your room, do that on your own time thing. And some people were like, grew up like us whereas like, what's wrong, why? Why are you sad? What's like figure it out. And so that's why I was able to grow up and be able to be emotionally aware, talk about what's wrong and what's hurting me and be able to communicate it pretty well. And then there's people who didn't grow up that way so their brains don't think like that and it's harder for them. You come across that in everyday relationships or with your significant other or whatever it is, and it's all about just communicating and growing.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 25:15

Sharing feelings. Yeah, yeah. Well, I loved that. When you said that on the phone that day, you said I don't know if you realize what a good job you did on that, so I was just taking that in and saying thank you.

Alex Harrison: 25:24

I'm appreciative that you that's true, I always talk about how we owe what we are to you.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 25:31

You're an amazing person. I think you're an amazing person too.

Alex Harrison: 25:34

Thanks mom.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 25:35

All right, until next time, namaste.

Alex Harrison: 25:38

Namaste.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 25:40

Thank you for listening to the Recover your Soul podcast and if you loved what you heard here, every Friday we have a bonus episode and you can access this by becoming a subscriber through Apple Podcasts for only $3.99 a month, or become a Patreon member, and on this platform, you can choose $5, $15, or $25 a month to show what you want to support the show with On both of these subscriber platforms is an entire catalog of back episodes intended to inspire and support you on your soul recovery journey. I really want to invite everybody to attend the free once a month, every first Monday of the month support group. This is on zoom. Everyone is welcome to attend and by giving a like or a review and sharing this with your friends and family really helps us to share the soul recovery message with even more people. We are on social media. We are on all the platforms. I am on TikTok.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 26:38

You can listen to guided meditations by Rev Rachel Harrison on Insight Timer. Thank you for supporting the show. Thank you for being part of the community. To find out more about soul recovery and everything that's being offered, visit the website wwwrecoveryoursoulnet. Together, we can do the work that will recover your soul.