Supporting your Adult Kids Recovery from Addiction: Bodhi Harrison's Story of Choosing Himself and Sobriety

What if the path to your true self lies in embracing your darkest moments? Join us for a transformative episode as Rev Rachel Harrison sits down with her son Bodhi to uncover his inspiring journey from addiction to currently choosing sobriety. Discover how a severe collarbone injury and subsequent depression led Bodhi to profound self-discovery, ultimately transforming his life and career as a professional Onewheel rider. Through raw vulnerability and heartfelt storytelling, Bodhi reveals the impact of self-compassion and the unwavering support of loved ones in healing and personal growth.

Bodhi's journey is a testament to the power of spiritual awakening and maintaining a balanced lifestyle. We'll explore the inner battle between light and dark, the significance of conscious choices in daily habits, and the role of community support in overcoming adversity. Hear personal stories that highlight the importance of facing discomfort, seeking spiritual guidance, and aligning actions with words to achieve profound personal growth.  This episode is filled with inspiration, powerful insights, and heartfelt reflections, making it a must-listen for anyone on a journey towards wholeness, authenticity and Soul Recovery. Don't miss out on this deeply personal and enlightening conversation.

For more information about Rev. Rachel Harrison and Recover Your Soul- visit the website www.recoveryoursoul.net  use the code TRYASESSION for 40% off your first Spiritual Coaching session when you book on the website.  Visit the website for all events and groups to get involved in Soul Recovery and the community.

Soul Recovery Support Group on Zoom -The 1st Monday of the Month, 6PM Mountain Time. This is a drop in support group where w

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.

Chapters

• 0:00 Son's Sobriety and Spiritual Journey
• 11:35 Inner Battle of Light and Dark
• 21:02 Finding Light Through Influential Guidance
• 28:28 Embracing Feelings and Spiritual Growth
• 40:20 Understanding Substance Use and Brain Health
• 44:03 Battling Resistance, Becoming a Pro
• 48:17 Empowering Creativity and Connection
• 54:50 Soul Recovery Platforms and Offerings

Transcript

Rev Rachel Harrison: 0:00

I know so many of you have found the Recover your Soul podcast because you are affected by addiction in some way. Maybe you came through the doors of Al-Anon or codependence, or maybe you're having your own addiction and you found this podcast through a search or someone has suggested it to you. There are many of you as well who are here because you have children who are struggling with addiction, and today's episode is extra special because this is me sitting down with my 25 year old son Bodhi, who is so eloquent and incredibly vulnerable in him sharing his experience. He's currently sober and I, of course, hope that this will be a lifelong sobriety journey for him, but he's also really sharing about how he's allowing his life to unfold in the way of really stepping into his wholeness, using his spirituality, really stepping into what that looks like specifically for him. He talks about friends that helped him to really have a little bit of a wake up call and in the end, he talks about how he sees ways to really better yourself and to try to live from your authentic true nature and how to step into your wholeness. It's a really beautiful and kind conversation and if you are again struggling with addiction or know someone who's struggling with addiction. I hope that you'll enjoy this episode and share it with people that you know that it might give some inspiration. Together, we can do the work that will recover your soul.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 1:37

Welcome to the Recover your Soul podcast a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life. My name is Reverend Rachel Harrison. I started Recover your Soul after having profound changes in my life from my recovery of alcoholism, codependency and control addiction. I was guided to share the tools and principles of spirituality and soul recovery to help others transform their lives, as mine was transformed. For us to overcome external circumstances, we need to turn the attention to ourselves, focusing on our inner change and healing. Positive results in our lives will follow. Welcome to Recover your Soul. I'm Rev Rachel and I have a very exciting episode for us here today. I am in person in studio, sitting next to my youngest son, my bright, shining son, bodie Harrison hey guys, I'm back.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 2:37

I love that you're in town and we get to spend some time here this morning. I've been sharing on the podcast recently that you're in a space right now of sobriety, and so I really appreciate you coming in to share that experience with this community that knows you well, since you're part of the great stories that I tell, and so I just wanted to really connect and have you have a chance to share what's going on with you. If you have not met Bodhi before and this is maybe your first time stepping into the podcast I have two sons. They are 27, 25, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, so they were raised by alcoholic parents and have their own addictions that they have been working through. So that's where we're at.

Bodhi Harrison: 3:25

Sure is. I think last time I was here also it is so good to be back. I gotta say last time I was here I was trying trying the old I can moderate program, which was going okay-ish. I was kind of maintaining. But that gets harder when life gets harder and I had suffered a pretty intense collarbone injury.

Bodhi Harrison: 3:54

I'm a professional one-wheeler for a one-wheel and let's see April of last year I shattered my collarbone, had to have it rebuilt, had to wait a year to get the metal out, got the metal out and uh, was it may, I believe I was at an event for one wheel and did something a little bit thoughtless and did a standing back flip five weeks post metal removal surgery and rebroke my collarbone and tore my labrum and my shoulder and put my healing journey back an entire, another year basically, which was a heck of a pill to swallow as I had not been able to ride at the level I'd like to, or skate or snowboard, or surf or do all the other active things that I like to do for at that point, already over a year and it sent me into a pretty deep depression because I just felt, you know, bummed that it was continuing on, but mostly just really disappointed in myself.

Bodhi Harrison: 5:16

You know, in the moment I thought it through, my doctor said five weeks till I should start riding again, and it was right about at five weeks. But there's a difference between riding and doing a backflip and putting that much force into my shoulder. And one way it was a really good learning opportunity. You know learning how much force goes into your shoulders when you backflip standing up, um, and also you know I'm new to being actually a professional rider and not just a stony goof around, get out and have fun person. So it was an eye-opening experience to really majorly respect my healing journeys because I will get hurt again. It's part of the game.

Bodhi Harrison: 6:01

It is part of the athlete game, but luckily, with working for one, we've got great insurance, so it's just a matter of doing all the proper things and giving it proper time.

Bodhi Harrison: 6:12

But I was really angry at myself, like, really, really sad, and I just kind of spiraled out into punishing myself ultimately and numbing myself and running away from my feelings and running away from my responsibilities and I just kind of lost control and it was really scary actually and it kind of felt like I had reached a point, you know, some months after, where I was staring the death of my career in the face because I was so out of control of myself. I was barely maintaining my work. And I was so out of control of myself I was barely maintaining my work and I was partying a bit irresponsibly at events with lots of eyeballs on me. And after sobering up and being public about that and vulnerable about that, I actually had a lot of people reach out to me and express how worried for me that they were, cause you could just see how much I was hurting, like it was.

Bodhi Harrison: 7:31

It was very visible and I've always been open and vulnerable about being an addict and my struggles and my sober seasons.

Bodhi Harrison: 7:44

So I had, you know, people at work, people in my community, close friends that were worried about me and I was worried about me, I was scared. I've had a couple of conversations with people where I was like crying to them and I was like I don't, I'm out of control, like I can't control my smoking, I can't control my drinking, I can't control my drinking. Um, you know, other substances were being overused in my life and I just felt like I wasn't at the steering wheel anymore, you know, and I was just riding my body and just so sad and felt just so broken and, uh, actually, you know, I, I want, I was making small attempts to to stop, but, you know, it just stumbled back in and to clarify, I wasn't like getting totally blasted drunk but, you know, drinking more frequently than I wanted to, smoking lots of weed, and just like really checking out and thinking one thing in my head of how I wanted to be and how I wanted to approach every day and just completely failing every single day.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 8:56

And I was, I relate and I remember being very similar.

Bodhi Harrison: 9:00

And I was. I wasn't blowing off work and everything. And I was. I wasn't blowing off work and everything. You know I was. I was showing up but I was you, because I can do the bare minimum and collect a check and smile and wave, or I can grab the bull by the horns and do some really incredible stuff for my sport and for lots of people around me. You know whether that's inspiration, opportunity, infrastructure. There's a lot, you know, at my fingertips and I felt like I was losing it.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 9:47

And I don't know if I've told the podcast about the vision I had back in college I think we talked about that last time, but it's another one to to bring up again, because when we talked about it last time you were trying to moderate yeah, and I was like oh, I think it was defending.

Bodhi Harrison: 10:02

You were kind of defending it yeah so, in quick context, I was going to school in Steamboat Springs, colorado, and I was just starting to become affiliated with the skate church there in Steamboat, which is this amazing indoor, free indoor skate park that has a community night every Thursday for high school, college and community, where you get a free meal, we do a 20 minute message, a couple of worship songs and you'd skate all night and then they had the park open, I think, seven days a week. Maybe it was closed on Sundays, but you know it's a mountain town so when it's winter time that's the only place for people to skate. And they also did a middle school night on Mondays. It was similar to the community night, but essentially it was a place I started going to to skate as a very broken and lost person, and they accepted me with open arms and showed me what the true follower of Jesus does, which is unconditionally love and support and support and not stuff the Bible down your throat, but allow opportunity for God to speak to you. Through them, through experience, through conversation, through creating a safe space for people to come to. They know they can trust you and and ask, and through Skate Church I really formed a true relationship, I feel like with Jesus and a comfortability with the Bible to where I could start just kind of diving in there and reading around.

Bodhi Harrison: 11:35

I had been working on a promo video for them as I was volunteering some of my skills to help them spread awareness of what they're doing.

Bodhi Harrison: 11:46

And I was meeting with the pastor there, nate, who's an incredible, incredible human, and we were kind of towards the end of our meeting I had a rough cut for him and he's giving me some notes and we're in this little coffee shop and he was thanking me.

Bodhi Harrison: 12:00

He's like thank you so much, dude, for doing this. Thanking me, he's like thank you so much, dude, for doing this. And I'd said I'm so glad that I can do this and have an opportunity to serve the Lord, because I don't feel like I'm doing that in my life, and kind of teared up a little bit and he asked if I wanted to talk about that and I can't remember what exact words of our conversation was. But in that conversation the whole world disappeared and I had what felt like direct communication from God. I mean, this is one of the times in my life where I you know, you know, you never know when that's still a small voice is your higher self or spirit, or parts of your ego, parts of your subconscious, it's that level of discernment is something we all have to tune, you know, in our life.

Bodhi Harrison: 12:46

But this really felt like direct communication from spirit showing me you need to stop smoking weed and partying because you can either put it away and watch your dreams come true. And I got these like flashes of visions of being on a podium and having a camera in my hands and shredding and just this feeling of like joy and fulfillment and comfort and peace and like success. And then he said or you can keep messing around and watch it all fall through your fingertips, and it was really powerful and that I had visions of just like shame and regret and fear and like it was really intense and like very clear guidance. You know, and from that day I stopped smoking weed, I like really cut back on drinking.

Bodhi Harrison: 13:45

You know I was partying like I was in college and I had a whole maybe two years of sobriety and just focusing on skateboarding and starting my career as a content creator and starting to make some money from that and trying to really focus on school. You know, because I was paying for school at that time and it was really incredible. And then, you know, over time, as I got back into the world and didn't have as much of a spiritual community to be around, I kind of started to fall back into old habits and feel like I could moderate it. And then at the time, you know, we were talking about it and when I revisited the vision it was like, oh, I think it was really just in that time, you know, because that time it was all about like learning about the Lord and the gospel and focusing on school and starting my career. But now I kind of got things cruising. I know where I want to go and who I want to be and what I want to do.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 14:50

Your ego starts to jump in and be in charge. Right, you lost your spiritual grounding.

Bodhi Harrison: 14:55

The ego or the enemy? You know a little bit of both, but that led me to where I ended up. You know recently, and I was thinking about it the other day of. I got so close to it all falling through my fingertips vulnerably and openly about what's going on.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 15:24

You are always so able to really connect with what's inside of you so it can be hard for people to understand, for somebody who has such access emotionally, such high emotional intelligence, to understand how the demon can slip and slide in there. Can you describe a little bit about those two aspects of yourself? I know that for me, I feel like my addict had this personality and it's an opening to being shut down. It's an opening to my ego. It's really an opening to be in the fear and being in pain. I'm telling myself that it's gonna save all those things, that it's going to save all those things that it's going to relieve my anxiety, that it's going to keep me from, you know, feeling these things. But it actually is just. I think when we had a conversation when you were contemplating making this, this change in your life, and I was saying alcohol feels and drugs feel like they're helping, but they're just, you're just pouring gasoline on the fire of pain, digging the hole deeper.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 16:21

So how is that for you, this sort of dance of the demon, if someone doesn't understand? They've got a kid, they've got a friend, they have a spouse who can't quite let go of the demon.

Bodhi Harrison: 16:34

So the way, the way I think about it is, you know, know, some of us have more versions in ourselves than others, but for the most part I feel like we kind of have like our light self and our dark self, and I think our ego is kind of a mixture of the two. But ultimately there's kind of two sides to it. You know the yin and the yang, and they're both important, because there's such thing as toxic positivity but there also is such thing as toxic negativity, and so they, I think they kind of balance each other out. But ultimately we also we also have the Holy Spirit within us who whispers to us and guides us, and you know, angels and ancestors and all you know, depending on how we want to go with it. But we have positive guidance that comes from outside of us and we also have negative guidance that comes from outside of us.

Bodhi Harrison: 17:39

We also have negative guidance that comes from outside of us. We have what I believe is the devil, or the manifestation of evil and darkness that cannot control physical matter but can get into our brains and can get into our minds and, um, you know, if you buy into like demons, you know, when we fully intoxicate ourselves or completely lose control of ourselves, other spirits can attach themselves to us and we have that mixture of ourself and our positive guidances and our darker self and negative guidances.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 18:17

Are you ready to step into your soul recovery? Well, I am here to support you as your spiritual coach. Visit the website to book one-on-one coaching sessions with me as we transform your life through working the nine steps of soul recovery. You can also choose to work the steps on your own through the modules at your own pace.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 18:37

I'm excited to also be announcing that there are retreats every year, both in Colorado and other places in the country, workshops and events, and I hope that you also will join us the first Monday of every month from 6 to 7pm Mountain Standard Time for the free Zoom support group. This is an amazing place for us to connect, learn and share our stories. And don't forget to join the private Facebook group for soul recovery inspiration connection, answering each other's questions and giving shout outs. I thank you for supporting this podcast, either by being a Patreon member, apple podcast subscriber and getting that extra episode every Friday, or by your one time donations or your small monthly donations that are found in the show notes. You are helping spread the soul recovery message and supporting this community. Visit the website recoveryoursoulnet for dates, times, everything that's happening, register for the support group and how to stay connected. Together, we can do the work that will recover your soul.

Bodhi Harrison: 19:37

And I had a vision one time, a clear vision of inside of me there's two boxers right and they're always fighting and it's our fight, our inner battle of good and evil, and it's been manifested as like the little angel and the demon on your shoulder right. But the way I saw these two boxers was there was my, my light self, which was this big, all white, glowing, ripped, totally shredded version of me with like spiky, flowing hair, kind of like a dragon ball z character, almost right, and he's on one side. And then there's the other one that's like this kind of hunched over, almost spider-like, gooey, spiky, venomous, dark version of me.

Bodhi Harrison: 20:27

And they're always battling. And whoever is going to have more power and more strength is the one that you're feeding, and you're feeding them with what you're thinking, the way you're identifying with your thoughts and countering your thoughts right, and that's kind of what I mean by that. We can't control all of our thoughts, we hardly control any of our thoughts, but we can receive those thoughts and observe them and either say, oh yeah, that does feel like me, or be like, well, that's not me. I truly feel this way. I think this way.

Bodhi Harrison: 21:02

What we eat eat, you know, good, whole foods, fruits, veggies, staying away from the processed foods and, uh, overindulging. What we listen to, music, wise, are we listening to positive music? Are we listening to sad music, negative music, evil music? Uh, what we're watching, you know, are we watching stuff that fills us up? Are we watching stuff that brings us fear, like news and reality TV and pornography or whatever it is, or are we watching things that enlighten us and inspire us and give us knowledge and hope and ourselves in the world? And whatever we're feeding those boxers with is who's going to have more strength in the battle.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 21:47

I love that.

Bodhi Harrison: 21:47

Then I've noticed in my darkest times I'm not eating good, I'm not drinking water, I'm not making time for meditation, I'm not praying, I'm not getting physically active and I feel like shit. I'm depressed. I'm not praying, I'm not getting physically active and I feel like shit. I'm depressed. I'm thinking tons of negative stuff and nothing brings me the joy that I wanted to.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 22:06

So you turn to a substance.

Bodhi Harrison: 22:07

So you turn to the substance, the easy out that'll make you feel better in the moment, and you get stuck in that cycle. But when I'm going to the gym in the morning, when I'm journaling, when I'm trying to eat good food, when I'm drinking water all day, when I'm calling friends and making time for people that are positive for me, and I'm listening to good music and I'm making art, and I'm really observing my thoughts and not identifying with all of them and thinking I'm this negative, judgmental, total butthole. I feel great, I feel positive, and that's not always easy, and but it's not supposed to be easy. Right, but it never was but it's so much better.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 22:51

I mean you have to work to be miserable too, Totally.

Bodhi Harrison: 22:53

You know what I mean. I mean, it's like pick your pain effort.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 22:55

So pick your pain. Yeah.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 22:57

So I love all that. I'm just like I. My heart is over here, welling with pride and happiness that I know this about you and that you can share so eloquently what you know and who you are when you're. That other aspect, that dark aspect, is winning. Cody is what you named him. Right, I didn't know you had a name for him until recently. So Cody's winning. And then you had two people that called you out. So tell me a little bit about that, because I do think that, as observers of people who are struggling, there is ways it's important for people to call you out, because I had people when I got sober that came to me and said I had been worried about you and they had never said anything to me. There's this dance that we play of how do we see people in the light. So you had two people that really came forward and said Bodhi, this is not working out, and so talk through that and how that helped to move you back over to the light.

Bodhi Harrison: 24:03

Well, I mean, it's always going to sting a little bit, and so the more. If you're thinking about trying to approach somebody in your life, you got to consider their level of sensitivity and how articulate you're going to be with it. But I think a good, a good approach is a good old shit sandwich. Right, you start with something lightly heavy, slash negative. You in the middle of the sandwich something positive, something beautiful, amazing, and you close it out with something a little more heavy. I use it when I coach.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 24:41

Oh, interesting. So you do heavy light, heavy instead of light, heavy light.

Bodhi Harrison: 24:45

You could do a reverse sandwich too if they're highly sensitive, but ultimately that person needs to hear what you have to say, potentially if you're not just being a total controller.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 24:56

So these two people that did that for you, what worked in their technique of talking to you that literally like kind of flipped the switch for you.

Bodhi Harrison: 25:08

I think it was that they reminded me of who I want to be and how this is not aligning with that, you know, and the first person, instead of like shaming you for your Right. It wasn't shame, it wasn't your bad, your bad, your bad, your bad. It was like you know. The first person was like I see that you're hurting and it hurts me that you're hurting.

Bodhi Harrison: 25:36

This is going to create more hurt. And you have people around you and, yes, I may be somewhat of like I hate this word at this point but influencer in the one real world. But in all of our lives there's always people watching us. You know, the younger people in our life, even the older people in our life, the people we're working with and everybody's learning off of each other and taking notes. And so you know, the first person reminded me I have an example to set. I have a certain level of responsibility to the kids in our community and to the other people in the community, the people that look up to me, which I actually feel like I've been kind of running from that responsibility because for a time I thought that it wasn't fair and that I didn't want to put that pressure on myself. But ultimately that's, that's part of my journey, that's part of what I need to help me stay in line, and I actually busted up in the Bible one day to I think it might be the book of Jonah I.

Bodhi Harrison: 26:39

Usually the old Testament is kind of funky for me. I move slowly through it, but it was. I jumped into the old Testament and it was this story about this dude who God had asked to go to the city and ask everyone to repent and God would save the city. And the dude's like, no, I don't have what it takes, that's not my responsibility. Like I'm going to go to this other city.

Bodhi Harrison: 27:00

And he tries to go to this other city on this boat and God starts like rocking the boat and spilling things off the ship and everyone on the boat's like yo, who cursed their God, like what the heck is going on. And he's like, oh, that was me, sorry, guys. And they're like, essentially he was running from his responsibilities, essentially he was running from his responsibilities. And the boat started getting really rocky and shit started going south. And then he finally was like, okay, all right, I'll go.

Bodhi Harrison: 27:25

And he goes to the city and he preaches the word and asks for people to repent and turn to the Lord. And they do. Even the king of the city does and the city is saved. And I felt it was almost like when I got my DUI how I popped open the Bible to the book of Titus. That's about holding true and being steadfast and being a shining example, no matter how much gnarly stuff is around you. Like stay true to your morals and be the shining light, no matter if it feels like everyone's watching or no one's watching. Like be you, be true like stay to your heart.

Bodhi Harrison: 28:00

Remember the example of Jesus said. And then now, in this other time in my life, I crack it open and it's a story that's exactly what's going on in my life. Like, don't be afraid. Like you have what it takes, keep doing you, keep shining your light, keep being an example of love and of light and of curiosity and grace and unconditional love and um. So that was a good wake up from my buddy. And then the second person. What she told me that was really powerful was how I say I've been saying one thing and talking about who I want to be and how I want to live, and then I'm totally doing another and my actions are not matching my words, and that I have way too much to give the world and to give the people around me to just throw that all away and just be stuck in my pain and my bullshit and my abuse. Because for me, I think part of it is that I like the way certain things make me feel, but I think the deeper rooted issue is it's self-deprecating behavior. I'm punishing myself because I'm guilty and I feel shame for my shortcomings and how I don't try hard enough and I forget everything and I'm late to everything and I've dropped the ball and stuff and I a lot of times just feel like this, like walking disappointment and I'm punishing myself and I'm numbing and I'm punishing myself and I'm I'm numbing and I'm punishing, and with skateboarding and riding the funny thing is I

Bodhi Harrison: 29:49

can kind of punish myself in a healthy way. I can like beat the shit out of myself and and just channel my anger into whatever I'm working on or struggling with. You know, like on my own. But without that right now, and then the adding to that with just totally screwing my career for a whole nother year, just being dumb and trying to stoke some kids out, I I punished myself and I'm trying really hard to work on that. I think that's a big thing right now, as I've kind of pulled my head out of the clouds and started to get back into the word and make more time for prayer and be reminded that what the message of the gospel is is that I am unconditionally loved, yes, and I'm unconditionally forgiven, and I've accepted jesus into my heart and I believe in his life and no matter what I do, I cannot be separated from the love of god that's, that's it that's rom.38.

Bodhi Harrison: 30:55

If you ever feel like God doesn't love you or you're deserted, go to Romans 8.38. I can't remember exactly word for word, but it's essentially no height nor depth, no angel nor demon, no act, no failure, no words. Nothing can separate you from the love that is in God.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 31:15

nothing can separate you from the love that is in God.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 31:17

You know what I love about your spiritual journey, bodhi, is you have found this path on your own, that you were very attracted to Jesus and the teachings of Jesus and the Bible, and that's not at all how you were raised right, you were raised Buddhist and unity, and you found it on your own.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 31:39

And I think there's such incredible strength that we can find in ourselves to be curious about our own spiritual journey and then lean into whatever that is that is right for you. And I'm always inspired by what you're learning, how you present it, how it feels to you, how it connects to you, how it connects to you, because the truth is, whatever the whispers that are coming from God are the whispers that you're supposed to hear, and when I see you connect to that part of you that is one with a source that feels that love, I feel the sparkles in you. That is the radiating truth of who you are, that sheds the addictive demon. And it's fascinating for me to be your mom and watch you for a couple different reasons. One is you have extreme ADHD.

Bodhi Harrison: 32:28

Gnarly.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 32:28

Gnarly ADHD you have since you were a kid. Your brother has it too. You both present in different ways with it. And what I heard you when you're getting emotional both present in different ways with it, and what I heard you when you're getting emotional, the things that you have such shame and anger at yourself, those are the ADHD things that are in you, right and and you also were born genetically with addiction, and so you have these elements of yourself that have come in as some of your karma and I'm watching you have this experience as a human being of the human shame and fear and pain that comes in. That is the experience that we all have of the dark night of the soul.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 33:11

Nobody misses the place where we don't think there's something wrong with us Nobody. And if you do, you through these aspects of yourself that are the truth of who you are and what you're here to learn. So with that, you have these two important people who kind of give you a shit sandwich and a wake up call. And what is it in you where the switch flips Because some people say you have to have? You know you haven't been going to NA, you haven't been doing a program you've been really stepping more deeply into your spiritual practice, which I think is an essential element to it. You've been bringing yourself around to be more dedicated and work. You've been in your relationships of whatever the relationships are you're more driven and in it. But what is that switch that says I'm not going to use today, which hasn't been easy, by the way?

Bodhi Harrison: 34:26

no, it's not, because, you know, we get used to certain feelings and certain escapes from our feelings and it definitely, you know, in the very beginning it's like oh, it's just great, I feel awesome.

Bodhi Harrison: 34:42

And then you're like oh my gosh, I feel horrible, like here's life. I'm feeling everything that I've been running away from and that's usually what gets us to turn back and get stuck back in the cycle. But one thing I've thought about a lot is that person that you had on that was spreading awareness about the importance of feeling your feelings and how their signals, they come and they go. And so I knew that I had a lot of feelings to feel that I had been running away from, numbing myself from. Because we want to, we want to be comfortable. Obviously, you know, being comfortable is great Just posting up on the nice comfy couch in a conditioned room with something you love to watch, comfort's great. But you have to also be uncomfortable. You have to seek discomfort and you have to feel your feelings because they're there for a reason and it's a blessing to be able to feel feelings, good ones and bad ones, because you can't appreciate one without the other.

Bodhi Harrison: 35:49

It's in the Tao, like there is no hot without cold, there isn't a light without dark. You don't know happiness without pain and I know I have generational pain that's come into my, into my life, through our, our generation, our family, through my. You know my past karmas because, quickly, I my spirituality is very interesting and I will always be wrestling with it and being curious, because I do. I do do think a lot of parts of Buddhism are incredible and beautiful and amazing and like reincarnation makes a lot more sense to me than the heaven and hell narrative and I do feel like there's, you know, certain parts of the biblical literature had to have been altered, but the core of the story of Jesus rings so brightly in my heart so I definitely am a lot more of like a metaphysical, spiritual Christian. We have to feel that pain and we have to feel those feelings.

Bodhi Harrison: 36:48

And when I finally have been just sitting with that and facing that and allowing the pain from my life, the pain from our childhood, the pain from my feelings of lack, my pain from, you know, the guilt of allowing myself to go so far down this road for so much time. You know, because once I woke up this time I had a lot of guilt because I thought to myself dude, we're 25. We've wasted the last five years goofing around Like I have been totally busting my chops and I have accomplished a lot, but I could have accomplished so much more and I could have been so much healthier for myself. I could have been so much better of an example for the people around me. So much more. And I could have been so much healthier for myself. I could have been so much better of an example for the people around me, so much better for an example for all these groms, these kids that are watching me don't you think you needed what you've been through, though don't you exactly?

Bodhi Harrison: 37:49

on some level, you're absolutely right, because I had to go from my teenage life into my spirituality and get that taste of being my true self, being my true sober self and connection with god, and fall back to my old ways and the ways of the world to realize deeply that's not what I want, exactly it's. It's not what I want.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 38:16

Dude, you're 25. I was 48. You are. You have 25 more years than I do. Basically, I mean, it's unbelievable how incredible it is If you can, if you can hold on to it, because the the suck back into the old patterns is so easy. And then you think, oh well, now I've got it, now I feel so much better, I can handle it this time. And it's that addict that's in there, that's just resting.

Bodhi Harrison: 38:48

Just waiting for you to stir up some more negativity and fear and shame and pain for it to just gobble up, and shame and pain for it to just gobble up.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 38:56

Junk it back in. Being sober is not easy as a young person, but it's so much better, it's so much better, and I'm still leveling out.

Bodhi Harrison: 39:07

I'm going to be leveling out for another six months, probably more. Using is such a roller coaster and the more you use, the longer the downs are and the shorter the ups are.

Bodhi Harrison: 39:19

And when you don't use and you level out and you search for fulfillment in the real, healthy things like connection with new friends and old, creative expression, dancing Dancing is so good for you Dancing is so good for you, dancing is so good and allow your dopamine and your serotonin and your oxytocin systems to work how they're supposed to your natural highs, and then you don't freaking crash, right, you don't crash.

Bodhi Harrison: 39:50

If you want to party all night, drink a yerba, maybe, bring it back up, but when you do the, the molly and the acid and the, all those party drugs that in the rave scene, or the, the weed and the alcohol and the cocaine that are in the bar scene, and you're just like up and down and up and down, you wake up the next day and you feel like a freaking potato and then some of us go right back to it to try to get yourself back up. And then you know next thing, you know you're on a bender. For a week, a month, years. I had my homie. My homie was talking to me on the phone and he was like I've been on a bender for two years wow and I was like what he's like?

Bodhi Harrison: 40:28

yeah, I mean not like getting super messed up, but it's like you know. I party almost every weekend. I smoke, smoke, weed all week, sometimes get a bag during the week and then I just go right back to it and, like you know, I'm working. I'm still paying my rent. But when you said that to me, I thought to myself I've been on a bender for three years. Wow.

Bodhi Harrison: 40:52

Holy shit, you know it's like weed can be this this bridge between all the parties and alcohol is the same way. You know, even if you're not getting drunk every night, if you're partying on the weekends or even a couple of times a month, and then you're going home and you're smoking your weed and you're drinking your beers, you're building your little bridges between the parties.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 41:14

That's a fascinating way to look at it.

Bodhi Harrison: 41:16

Bendering and, bendering and bendering and you're never giving your brain the time that it probably needs to reset.

Bodhi Harrison: 41:21

I heard something that it's like two to three months is what your brain needs after doing things like molly or cocaine or ketamine or even alcohol, especially when you use it regularly. You're throwing something in your system that is spiking your levels and then plummeting, and then your brain needs time to like, reconstruct and re-acclimate and re-get systems running properly again. And when you never give your brain that time, you're just throwing yourself on this loop and you're like why do I feel depressed? Oh, I'm super happy today. Oh, why do I feel depressed? I'm super happy today.

Bodhi Harrison: 41:56

Oh, why do I feel depressed? Why do I have no energy? Why am I not motivated? Why are these all these things that I've been wanting to do for years, that I just am never doing? It's like it's right there. Proof is in the pudding. You gotta give yourself time to heal and rejuvenate and re-motivate and re-inspire. And, like we were saying, like I started smoking weed young because I grew up at the skate park, you know I started drinking when I we started like stealing alcohol out of our, of my friends parents, cabinets yeah, how old were you when you started doing all that?

Bodhi Harrison: 42:31

first time I got drunk was we were well, I don't think I quite got drunk, but I remember the first time we drank we took a triple sec because we didn't know what anything was. We took triple sec out of casey's parents liquor cabinet and we were 13 and then I I probably actually was like drinking by maybe 15, 16. You know we were buying alcohol for parties and I started smoking weed maybe like when I was like 14. Because I remember freshman year I started smoking around and then by sophomore year I was a straight stoner and that's when I was had to go to um Arapahoe Ridge junior year because I was just messing around, smoking too much weed and not focusing on school.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 43:25

So if you think about like how your brain chemistry was already being set at that age, and so you look at, you've been partying hard for you've been on a bender for 10 years, right? And so if you think about that and you're thinking about how they're saying, if you just do you know some drugs, it takes two or three months for your brain to reset. This opportunity that you have right now to reset your brain is incredibly profound, especially since you're at the place where your frontal cortex is really like growing and building right now. I mean, it's it's off the charts and we could just keep going on forever. But I wanted to close up with. You were mentioning a book that is one of your favorite authors that you and dad are both inspired by. So tell us a little bit about how that book and this concept is playing into your motivation to continue on this path of awakening and sobriety and truly being yourself.

Bodhi Harrison: 44:25

So this book is somewhat of a sequel I think it is technically a sequel to the War of Art, not the art of war, it's the war of art by Steven Pressfield and that book was really profound for our whole family because a lot of what he does is he personifies resistance and talks about all the ways that resistance manifests. For anyone motivated you know, entrepreneurs, artists, people that want to create emotional change in the world you're going to be met with resistance, and resistance can manifest in forms of procrastination, self-doubt, distraction, addiction, all types of things drugs, sex, internet, food, family members, relationships, all all the nine. And it's a really cool book and it's it really kind of opens opens you up and helps you motivate and helps you battle through your own forms of resistance. But he mentions in this book I think it was a whole section of the book pros and amateurs and he wrote a sequel that dives a little deeper on that subject called turning pro, and you could just go right into turning pro. You don't have to hear the first book. But they're both great and they're both short, which is I I love, because I two hour audible, two hour long road trip or a couple of sessions doing chores. You got it dialed, done, hammered in the brain. And it's just really incredible because he talks about you know, the difference between a pro and an amateur Other than experience obviously the pros failed more times than the amateur is the mindset and the habits.

Bodhi Harrison: 46:17

And he also says how most artists are addicts. Most addicts are artists and most of us in the world are on that. What am I trying to say? Spectrum Most of us are on that spectrum to a degree. I think every human is a creator on some level. God made us as creators. We are his creation and it is here to create, whether that's art, opportunity, love. There's a lot of ways that you can create and how. The amateur is the addict and the pro is the artist. And the amateur lets their self-doubts get in the way. The amateur lets their fears get in the way. The amateur allows themselves to procrastinate. The amateur allows themselves to be lazy. The amateur dives into their addictions as their masterpiece is their drug of choice. But the professional the artist. They are disciplined, or at least do their best to be so. They fill their life with the things that are going to inspire them and motivate them.

Bodhi Harrison: 47:21

they make the time for their work, they show up for their work every day and they have the mindset of I'm here to do this, I'm professional and I'm not going to let my bullshit get in the way I love it and it was a very inspiring book and I felt called out in a good way and it just got me super fired up because I feel like that's what's happening in my life right now is I'm in my Pokemon evolution from amateur to pro.

Bodhi Harrison: 47:51

Yeah, I've stumbled and I've stumbled and I've stumbled and I've experienced and I've had a taste for a more fulfilling life and I've had a taste for following my addictions and living for the flesh and not battling to control myself.

Bodhi Harrison: 48:17

The creators of One Wheel the only people that successfully patent an extreme sport that has amazing resources and an amazing level of respect and appreciation for me and they're letting my ideas run and I have the ability to create an incredibly creative and adventurous and fulfilling life for myself and create tons of inspiration within my sport and my community and literally create opportunities and potentially even jobs for other people to do the same. And I'm very inspired by my music. When I got hurt, I dove into DJing and I've been getting really good at mixing music and have had a lot of good reviews from people. The last one wheel event I played at a couple people telling me my set was their favorite set of the weekend and I'm just having so much fun with that, and I'm pretty bad at making music, but I'm starting to kind of figure out a little bit, and so I just feel like I have the opportunity to be extraordinary and to tell my message through music.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 49:18

I love that. And extraordinary doesn't mean on the outside world, it means on the inside. It means really stepping into your wholeness, stepping into your beauty of who God brought you here to be.

Bodhi Harrison: 49:31

We all play so small, so for me to see you here just on fire, and it doesn't mean that you don't have daily life situations, but we can handle our life so much more when we're in this space instead of running from it, letting this life slip through our fingers, and we're all extraordinary, we're all divine, beautifully, wonderfully made humans, and some of us are going to end up doing things that have more eyeballs on them, and some of us are going gonna end up doing things that have more eyeballs on them, and some of us are gonna end up doing things that have less eyeballs on them. But we have the power of the creator of the universe inside of all of us, and when we can get rid of the things that separate us from ourself and from that power like poison, alcohol substances, distractions, toxic relationships, bad diets.

Bodhi Harrison: 50:25

when we can remove those blocks and chase our connection with ourself and accept our connection with spirit, then we can really see the fruits of our life grow and flourish. And that's where I'm at right now is I'm done fucking around?

Rev Rachel Harrison: 50:44

Good, I just love you so much. Bodhi, I am honored and privileged to be your mom and you're pretty cool too. Thank you, sweetheart, thank you you. The greatest gift that I ever had was being a mom to you and alex, and the universe called you to me. I was only going to have one, and it was very clear that there was another one to come, so I thank you for choosing us and being on this journey together and being one of my best friends in the whole world.

Bodhi Harrison: 51:17

Absolutely. Mom, thank you for being an incredible mother and while you guys were alcoholics when we were kids and they're, you know, obviously that has its drawbacks you were so loving and you showed me how to love and you guys always had so much love for us and always tried so hard to support us and support our creativity and support our passions and not control what you thought was best for us. You let us, you know you created boundaries and let us play within those boundaries and I can't thank you enough for how awesome you guys were and I think about it all the time that I'm me because of you guys and I brag about you guys all the time I have the coolest parents and, um, I wouldn't want anybody else, alcohol or not my heart is full but I'm so proud of you and your sobriety and how much you're sharing with others and helping other people and inspiring other people, and you're a big inspiration to me.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 52:18

Thank you.

Bodhi Harrison: 52:19

Majorly, and I love you a lot.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 52:22

I love you too, bodhi. Thank you so much for being here and sharing all that, and if you're inspired to go see what Bodhi does, just go to YouTube and ask for Bodhi Harrison and you'll see One Wheel videos. But if you go to One Wheel, he's in those videos, or Bodie Harrison on Instagram.

Bodhi Harrison: 52:42

That's where you'll find me, yeah.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 52:45

Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for sharing with the community and as for the community, I just want to thank you for being here. You know we're in this together and it can feel sometimes like we're the only ones that are struggling either with our own stuff or with a family member who has their own journey and the reminder known that it's about allowing you to have the space to choose for yourself, so that when you chose, it would be for you and not for me. I'm ecstatic that you're sober, but I want you to do it for you and not for anybody else.

Bodhi Harrison: 53:34

It won't stick, otherwise you have to want it for yourself. But it's a battle, but it's so worth it. So worth.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 53:44

It All right, we'll bring him on again for an update in a little bit, and I just thank you for being here. Until next time, namaste. Namaste Love you.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 53:56

Thank you for listening to the Recover your Soul podcast and if you loved what you heard here, every Friday we have a bonus episode and you can access this by becoming a subscriber through Apple Podcasts for only $3.99 a month, or become a Patreon member and on this platform, you can choose $5, $15, or $25 a month to show what you want to support the show with On both of these subscriber platforms is an entire catalog of back episodes intended to inspire and support you on your soul recovery journey. I really want to invite everybody to attend the free once a month every first Monday of the month support group. This is on zoom. Everyone is welcome to attend and by giving a like or a review and sharing this with your friends and family really helps us to share the soul recovery message with even more people. We are on social media. We are on all the platforms.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 54:53

I am on Tik TOK. You can listen to guided meditations by Rev Rachel Harrison on insight timer. Thank you for supporting the platforms. I am on TikTok. You can listen to Guided Meditations by Rev Rachel Harrison on Insight Timer. Thank you for supporting the show. Thank you for being part of the community To find out more about soul recovery and everything that's being offered, visit the website wwwrecoveryoursoulnet. Together, we can do the work that will recover your soul.