Embracing the Vulnerability Hangover: A Path to Personal Growth in Soul Recovery

Have you ever had a vulnerability hangover after sharing your deepest truths. How do you navigate the aftermath and allow it to actually inform your Soul Recovery? This episode shines a light on the power of recognizing old patterns and stories that no longer serve us, all while maintaining a compassionate, non-judgmental stance towards our past. We discuss the strength it takes to navigate long-term relationships, whether that means fully committing or choosing to prioritize oneself, and the importance of embracing inner change for a happier, healthier life.

This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.

Chapters

• 0:00 Exploring Vulnerability Hangovers and Soul Recovery
• 16:39 Breaking Free From Validation Seeking
• 29:48 Embracing Healing and Self-Discovery

Transcript

Rev Rachel Harrison: 0:00

Have you heard of a vulnerability hangover? I just had one and it's so interesting that vulnerability hangovers are actually a deeper opening for us to explore and look at our soul recovery journey, because the vulnerability hangover is a piece that is showing us something. It's generally bringing to light some limiting belief, some pattern, some story that we've told ourselves that when we've stepped out and we've asked for what we need or we've put ourselves out there in some way and shown the brightness of who we are, there's a piece of us that is afraid, that is asking questions of how you could put yourself out there like that, and it's a chance to really step into your strength and your wholeness and your courage and to empower yourself on your soul recovery journey to be tender and compassionate to that aspect of yourself that wants to retreat. Enjoy the episode. Welcome to the Recover your Soul podcast a spiritual path to a happy and healthy life. My name is Reverend Rachel Harrison.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 1:12

I started Recover your Soul after having profound changes in my life from my recovery of alcoholism, codependency and control addiction. I was guided to share the tools and principles of spirituality and soul recovery to help others transform their lives as mine was transformed. For us to overcome external circumstances, we need to turn the attention to ourselves, focusing on our inner change and healing. Positive results in our lives will follow. I'm Rev Rachel and I want to welcome you to the Recover your Soul podcast and to the Soul Recovery community, and I want to say thank you to everyone who continues to come, week after week, to connect and learn about soul recovery and continue to deepen their spiritual path to a happy and healthy life. And if you're here for the first time or you're just new to the community, we want to welcome you with open arms. This is indeed a community and doing this together. I'm doing it, you're doing it, we're doing it together. We're learning, we're growing, we're expanding, we are letting go of what no longer serves us. We're stepping away from needing other people to be a certain way for us to be okay, and it is big, big work.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 2:28

I actually don't like the word work, I like the word process. It's a big process and one of the things that's so important to me is that you know that we are in it together. You know, I'm just sharing with you my own experience. I'm sharing with you what is happening in my own life and the profound transformation that has happened over the last six years in particular, as I step into a new way of being, that I really open into my spiritual, higher self and recognize all of the stories, all the patterns, all the ways of living that came from old beliefs, old systems that no longer serve me. And what I love about soul recovery, that is so important, is that there is no judgment. We're not saying anybody has done anything right or wrong or they're now on the good path and they were on the bad path.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 3:21

Living life is complicated, it's incredibly complicated, but we're moving in soul recovery to opening and accepting the complexity of it and letting go of the part that is controlling, attached to it, being a certain way, and suffers from that attachment. Now, the path and the process is not straightforward or easy and it comes in layers. So last week I shared an episode that was around the complexity of being in relationship. I've been married for 30 years. I've been with my husband, rich, for 32 years in total and when we first met I was 22 years old and he was 25. And we were just blossoming in who we were. I wrote a song actually for him in the pandemic. That's a love song about us and just you know, I thought I was so grown up at 22 years old, but the truth was I was just starting to understand who I was and it hadn't formed yet. So part of my people pleasing and my codependence moved into setting myself up to meet his expectations.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 4:29

And 32 years later, as I step into the soul recovery process, I am untethering, untying, discovering, exploring the aspects, the parts of myself that come from all of that life. What came before we met, what came in the middle of it, what happened when we were addicts, what happened in the depths of the darkness in our relationship and last week's episode was around sort of coming to this head, of asking for what I needed from him in a way that is standing in my soul recovery strength and having the courage. It really takes courage to be either in your relationship and I mean in, not a foot out the door like I was for 15 years, but like in your relationship, regardless of what it is or having the courage to step away and choose yourself. If that's what's required and necessary for you to be your fullest self. Are you ready to step into your soul recovery? Well, I am here to support you as your spiritual coach. Visit the website to book one-on-one coaching sessions with me as we transform your life through working the nine steps of soul recovery. You can also choose to work the steps on your own through the modules at your own pace.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 5:52

I'm excited to also be announcing that there are retreats every year, both in Colorado and other places in the country, workshops and events, and I hope that you also will join us the first Monday of every month from 6 to 7 pm Mountain Standard Time for the free Zoom support group. This is an amazing place for us to connect, learn and share our stories. And don't forget to join the private Facebook group for soul recovery, inspiration connection, answering each other's questions and giving shout outs. I thank you for supporting this podcast, either by being a Patreon member, apple podcast subscriber and getting that extra episode every Friday, or by your one time donations or your small monthly donations that are found in the show notes. You are helping spread the soul recovery message and supporting this community. Visit the website recoveryoursoulnet for dates, times, everything that's happening, register for the support group and how to stay connected.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 6:47

Together we can do the work that will recover your soul, and it's interesting that after I shared that experience on the episode of having that stacking effect where you're starting to have all the feelings around not being sure or bumping up against old patterns and beliefs or having some disappointments or moving into old ways of being that don't align with you, and you can just feel that it's telling you something, that something isn't working for you, it's not aligning and for me I just feel like I'm on this, this path of expansion. So much is changing for me. And we had this moment. You know where it was like is this working for me? We had a moment, I had a moment of asking is this working for me? He had a moment of saying what the heck is going on? Why is this even on the table, even though he's the one who said if you're not happy, you can leave. But he didn't really mean that, of course. He meant please choose me. And we had this really profound conversation because we've been both doing our soul recovery on our own path to really come to a place where we could start to open up again and have conversation around what was going on, what we needed, how we could step in as more aligned selves in the end, which thanked me for kind of waking him up right, and that was the point that I shared the podcast with you.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 8:18

Guys recorded the podcast with you for last week. Well, I want to do a follow-up of what happened after, because I think that this process that we're on this soul recovery process is so, so, so profound and has so many layers to it, and we need to give ourselves grace around what the process is, because I was really looking at the new nine-step soul recovery process and what I love about it is it's it's a way to be moving through things all the time. There isn't just this one time that you go through it and then you never again look at them or address them again. No, no, no, no. This is a continual opening and unlayering of your heart, of your beliefs. So, with that said, after I recorded the podcast last week on Thursday or Friday and then went into the weekend, I felt like I was.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 9:18

I had this heightened sense of of awareness and on some level, it was this very familiar old heightened sense of awareness that I recognize that I've had at times in my life where it kind of feels like the floor gets moved a little bit. You know, your, your ground gets shaken a little bit, even though it's moving for the better. But inside of you you're just not sure how to settle. You know, you're kind of just checking, and I found myself wanting to check and make sure that Rich was okay, because I know that that had really rattled him, with this concept of me actually leaving and walking out of the marriage had really hit a very vulnerable, painful place in him from the last time that we actually separated, about 15, 10 or 15 years ago I wish I could keep better track of time, but around 10 or 15 years ago. So it really hit a really deep wound for him and I could feel him being unsure.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 10:26

And then I caught myself wanting to make sure that he was okay, because I care about him, because I love him, and I'm actually really glad that all of this happened, because we have to be able to rattle the cage, to really be willing to have confrontation, to be willing to have healthy confrontation. That's about looking at what are these beliefs that we have, what are these patterns that we have, what are the patterns and beliefs that I have and how can I stand up for myself? But I was feeling this unsettledness, this piece of me, and there was a couple times over the weekend where he made some interesting comments. One was on Sunday I spoke at a Unity Church in Denver and then afterwards we went to an outdoor festival thing that had a car show and some booths and it was like a little small town festival. It was cute. So we went to that and a couple of times during that morning you could tell that he wasn't exactly sure how to be with me, because when I show up as Rev Rachel in events, especially at a church or in a retreat, there is an aspect of myself.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 11:43

Even when I sit down and have these conversations with you, I'm moving into an interior space that is connecting to source as much as possible. And I do have a sense that my quote unquote Rachel, is set to the side a little bit and I'm more of a channel, I'm more of an open vessel for light, I'm more of an opening and awakening and awareness to try to bring in whatever the messages are that are coming from source, from the universe, whatever that is. And so I have this sense of myself that recognizes that that feels different than wife Rachel. And so after we were done with the service and we got to the car show and I said something to him and he said can you come back now? Can you come back?

Rev Rachel Harrison: 12:37

And I noticed this part of me that was confused by that, because I think the piece that I'm working with is how can I be that more full, higher self everywhere, not just when I'm standing at the head of a church, or not just when I'm leading a retreat, or not just when I'm here talking to you, or especially, not just when I'm coaching. Gosh, she really comes in when we're coaching and it's as if it's really powerful. It just really feels like there's an energy surrounding that coaching session that is so, so, so much more than my personality sitting in the chair. But I want to embody that feeling of love and connection and source that I feel in those moments in every aspect of my life, even when I'm just Rachel at a car show. I want to be able to be that, and so I noticed this piece of me that was like ah, this this has a little bit to do with the conversation with him of can I step into that space and really be embodied as whoever it is that I'm being called to be and allow myself to be okay, even if he's still trying to figure out how to be present with that and that I don't have to be something or someone or act in some way. And I just said I'm here, rachel's here, it's all good, and what I realized is that's really also his work to do, right. So that's his perception of how he's seeing me in that moment, and less about what I'm showing up as, because I'm just being me, right. Then the interesting thing was that then I was sitting actually with Rich one morning. I'm just, I'm just being me, right. Then the interesting thing was that then I was sitting actually with Rich one morning I'm not remembering what morning it was and processing a little bit more about our conversation, which I'm so grateful that what it did open is the willingness to actually step into more conversations and start asking questions. Like I noticed that we're sort of doing this dance of making sure that we're both okay here. So I just want to check in how does that feel for you? What's going on for you? And I actually hope that Rich is going to come in the next couple of weeks and do a joint podcast together so that we can process some of this together with you. But we're processing it more and I was hit with this feeling and I know you can relate to this feeling.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 15:10

Brene Brown calls it a vulnerability hangover and I recognized that I was in this massive vulnerability hangover. And I was in this massive vulnerability hangover on a variety of levels. The first is anxiety. I feel incredibly comfortable sharing what's happening with me into this community. There's something that's really safe for me here to just share what's going on with me in a way that perhaps I've never had that level of safety anywhere else, because as an only child with the loving, wonderful parents that I had that didn't ask a lot of questions about what I was feeling when I was growing up, I've always had this part of me that keeps part of me away, that really hides part of me and doesn't feel like there's access for me to really share. And that's part of my work with my relationship with Rich actually. So part of that vulnerability hangover is knowing that I feel safe really sharing what's going on with me. But that was a pretty heavy thing that happened and there's just a piece of me that wants to stay intact in terms of leading the community and it's just a lot to really share. So that was part of it, but really wasn't what the hangover was, the massive hangover that I was having.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 16:39

That I realized while I was sitting there with Rich and he was just talking and listening and I had this whoosh of shame. I had this whoosh of energy and I could feel the shame and fear of a little girl who had actually asked for what she needed and was terrified around what that felt like. This was so interesting because I hadn't felt that level of awareness of how deep in my subconscious this is connecting to that old wound that I've talked about so many times. We have our standard core wounds. We all have this handful of core wounds that everything ends up going back to, of getting in trouble and of not wanting to ask too much. And what was beautiful is that I'm grateful that Rich and I are in this place where he really was present for me and and I just was I burst out into tears and I said, wow, there it is. This is really what's been inside there rolling around as this aspect of myself and my subconscious, that is, this younger piece of me that didn't get to really ask for what I needed or wanted. Not that it was demanded that I couldn't. There was just some innate knowing that I knew within me to just not ask for too much, to just make it as easy for everyone as possible, for it to be as accommodating as possible.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 18:21

And, interestingly enough, my mom and I have been having more conversations around the accommodations that I made for her and that I had to make as her child. And we had some of those conversations when I went to talk to her about how I was feeling about Rich last couple weeks ago. And it's fascinating how, with each of the people in our lives that we love and we want to protect, how much we govern ourselves right, how much we hold back this governor inside that says I'm not going to go that far, I'm not going to say that thing because I might be saying too much or I don't want to hurt their feelings or I don't want to. I don't want to go there really. And so I've had this caution, because I love my mom so much and I often tell people when we're coaching that when we get to this part, when we're starting to look at these aspects of ourselves, these younger pieces, these core wounds, there is such a protection that we have for our parents that the beauty in soul recovery is that we're releasing all of those judgments and all of those fears, and we're not saying that anyone did anything wrong. We're just experiencing our feeling, our feeling.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 19:43

What did it feel like to me? And so, as I've had these conversations with her from this higher awareness within myself that can speak about my own feelings more from a place of fact and awareness, rather than blame or accusing her of you know, this is how I felt, so that I turned out this way. It's much more of just like oh wow, I can actually see that I had to learn how to accommodate at such a young age, to take care of the part of myself that knew that I wanted everyone else to be okay, for me to be okay, that I could feel that from such a young age. And so, sitting there on the couch with Rich and having this whoosh of emotion where I could touch in and feel, and hear that little girl again saying don't ask for what you need, just continue to do whatever it is that makes other people feel comfortable, I felt such compassion for that part of myself.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 20:49

I felt such tenderness for that part of myself that is so afraid to ask, which is why the statement it's okay to ask and want more. It's okay to ask and want for more. And again, it's not the more for everybody else to show up for you for more, but it's for you to show up for yourself for more. Else to show up for you for more, but it's for you to show up for yourself for more. There's an actual fear within me to show up for me with more, because it will bump up against the relationships that I have with people. That could potentially make them uncomfortable. It could push their comfort level because they are so accustomed to a very particular relationship and it was very healing for me to have Rich just witness that, for that's movement forward, for us to be able to just hold space for each other.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 21:58

Because one of the other things that I recognized in that moment of standing in the car show and him saying, hey, can Rachel come back, I saw that there is a piece of me that wishes that Rich could see me in this way, that I feel now that he could really see it in the way that I feel now and what I recognize is I don't actually have power over how someone sees me, right. So that's the new step. What step is that in the new step three in soul recovery? Sorry, I had to look at my little sheet of paper where we're oh no, it's the new step two, okay, the new step two, where we're releasing control, we're powerless over what people think and feel about us. Who is afraid to ask for what she needs and what she wants, that is desperately wanting somebody else to witness and approve of and take care of her in a way that will allow her to feel validated? And isn't it interesting how so much of this stuff is tied in?

Rev Rachel Harrison: 23:06

And what I know is that my husband sees me and loves me and tells me actually quite often that he's really proud of me, that that it's amazing to watch the transformation that's happening with me. He's been to talks that I've given at churches, where he's come afterwards and tears and just said, wow, that was amazing. But I recognize that there's some part of me that wants something that maybe he can't see or can't give, or maybe it's not even his to give to me. Really, it's mine to hold for myself. That's the beauty of stepping into our co-creation with something even greater still, which is we stop needing other people's validations.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 23:50

But more importantly in that, what I saw, if I turn the attention to myself and I do this part where we're really looking at all sides of everything with compassion for everyone involved is when I'm in that space of needing and wanting him to show up for me or see me in the light of my new, expanded self and to witness it and accept it. I'm actually not doing the same for him, and that actually reminded me so much of all the years of pain in our relationship, which is this part of me that couldn't see him for the way that he was presenting himself in his own light, that he wants and needs the same thing for me, right. So often we're in relationships where there's this, this constant push, pull of like wanting the other person to do for us, but we're not doing for them in the same aspect. And so I'm standing there in the car show and I thought just be you, rachel, you don't have to take one hat off and put another hat on and be present for this human being who is your husband and who is your best friend and has been your person for so long, and just be here in the car show with him and be curious and interested and just be awake for him too. And that switched it and you could feel that there was a shift in energy that was beneficial for everyone.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 25:29

And the interesting thing is that once I recognized and felt the shame and the vulnerability hangover that this little part of me, this younger part of me, was experiencing, this is the beauty of awareness and doing this work is it doesn't actually mean that you need to really get all stuck in the process of it, get all stuck in the process of it. She just needs, or he just needs, that younger part of yourself just needs attention, just needs to be seen and witnessed for a very short period of time. It's kind of like how, when we keep emotions from happening within us, we're holding on to not feeling the feeling right, and the energy that it takes to not feel the feeling takes way more time and energy than it does to just allow whatever the feeling is to whoosh through you. So that incredible whoosh of shame allowed me to see and brought a light to this part of my subconscious that is still afraid to ask for what I need and that it's okay to ask for what I need, but then we let go of the attachment of the other person providing it to us in the way that we think that we need it. We're opening our perception to a new way of being, where we have the power to be in our essence, our strength coming from our higher self. But we're letting go of the outcome even more and more and more and more. That's detachment, right, we're detaching from our clinging to it being a certain way or that person being a certain way.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 27:12

So as soon as I had both that piece that realized what that shame hangover that was happening, that underneath piece and the part of me that could stand in the car show and say you don't have to compartmentalize and you can be okay if he's questioning how to be, just be you. And actually part of this process is to stop thinking all the time about how we're pleasing the people around us and if we're meeting their needs and just showing up more and more fully as the truth of who you are and knowing that when you show up as your full self, with compassion and kindness and clarity and intention whether it's sometimes it's not 100% right Sometimes the best that we can show up is the best that we can show up we're tired, we're overwhelmed, we've got too much going on, there's a lot going on in our heart and we can't be that full, sparkly self, but we can not dim our light at the same time and it actually changed how I started interacting and I let go of that piece that was kind of dancing on the eggshells and trying to figure out the floor if it was settled, and I just came back to the place that just said we are standing in new beliefs, new perceptions. We are more and more clear about where my direction is going on a spiritual path, more and more interested in opening up this aspect of myself. And if I dim my own light, that is on me. That's on me that these patterns are so deep of wanting to people please and be entwined with somebody else's stuff that I lose myself. I choose that and I want to be able to be my full self even more. And the vulnerability hangover subsided. And now I look back at a couple weeks ago and I think, boy am I glad that I didn't walk out of my life, because this work that is happening, this opportunity to truly step into my soul recovery journey, means that I get to. I have the opportunity to work with myself in a way that grows me. That grows me, and I was talking to somebody about all of the stuff that's going on.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 29:48

A new friend of mine, who is an energy worker, who's been doing some Qigong with me, and she said you know, isn't it interesting that we need to work on ourselves no matter what? And it's funny how people resist doing the quote unquote work. You know, being in the process, like Rich said in our conversation, he's like I don't want to go in and look at all those things. Well, if you end up leaving your relationship, you're going to have to look at those things anyway as part of your healing from what happened in the breakup. Now, again, it's all about us choosing in on ourselves in every moment and being willing to do the process and the work within ourselves, regardless of whether we're in a difficult situation or a smooth and easy situation. There's more push to do the work when we're in those heavier situations, which again goes to the new step one and soul recovery, which is the ready for awakening, becoming aware that our dissatisfaction and suffering is caused by our perceptions, beliefs, patterns and stories. And there's stories and those patterns are always unfolding. So this, knowing that, again, I've reevaluated, I've checked in with myself and this is the right place for me to be, and I will say the same thing that I said in the past, which is I am here today and I am fully in.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 31:14

I think it's really important to be in your relationships, because if you've got a foot out the door, you aren't actually being honest with yourself to feel any of the feelings that are real. There's always an escape hatch and if you're more leaning towards the escape hatch, that's telling you something, that is a feeling that is telling you something, and it's generally our fear that we fall into that keeps our foot in the door when really we're being called to do what's right for us, to make different changes, to choose something else. So I'm in, I'm in my relationship. I'm grateful that I'm in, but I'm in, I'm in my relationship. I'm grateful that I'm in, but I'm going to be present in this moment, right now, and what it gave me, this whole experience gave me, was even more strength and awareness that underneath there are still these patterns and beliefs that, even though they've lessened, even though they're really so much less energy than they used to be, that little girl had so much shame and fear and she's still working on it. She's still working on it. She's still working on being okay to ask for what she needs. And I get to, I have the chance to, the opportunity to work on me even more deeply and to see Rich even more truly for what he's bringing to the table, who he is, how he is indeed being present for me and accepting him for exactly who he is and allowing myself to be irritated or hurt or not okay, along the way, so that I can work on me.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 32:58

It's not about having a perfect relationship. I don't think there's any quote unquote normal people out there without anything to work on. If that was true, there wouldn't be all the spirituality, all this religion, all the teachings of how to find happiness, how to release stress, how to reduce suffering, how to connect with source, then there would be much more that wouldn't be pulling us to remember who we are. Being human is so complex. So if you notice that you have vulnerability hangovers after a situation, it's this beautiful opportunity for you to deepen your soul recovery, to utilize the steps of soul recovery, to ask yourself questions, to check in with yourself, to look at what is the belief that's underneath there that's being triggered, that is feeling these feelings, that is creating this vulnerability hangover, and can you allow yourself to see it. Give it compassion, stand there and be in it and then transform it into your empowering beliefs to overcome and stand strong. And you're knowing that you are moving through traumas and pains and wounds and you're moving fully into your whole self and you choose in every moment whether you're going to choose yourself, choose your healing and again, our healing is the best thing that we can do to positively impact the people in our lives and the world. It is truly the only thing we have control over and we have the skills and the tools and the potential within us to stand in that strength, potential within us to stand in that strength. And it means you're going to have the gamut of all of the emotions and that's power right there to feel your emotions and do it.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 35:02

You know we're in this together and I encourage you to come to the once a month soul recovery support group. It's the first Monday of every month, unless there's a holiday like the one that's coming up for Labor Day. We'll have it the next Monday. I even have a retreat coming up If you have any interest in doing your deep soul recovery work. We're going to have one in Colorado September 14th and 15th and then I have another one actually in San Diego coming up as well, and this work that we're doing, either coming in retreats doing it on your own the work, the steps in your soul recovery I'm working on the new modules or coming and doing sessions with me in coaching, whether it's just one session, or whether you really want to work the process with me.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 35:47

We're in it together, I'm in it with you, and there is a holding of something even greater still. That is, holding space for us in the soul recovery community to truly, truly choose the light and release all that that no longer serves us and come into our wholeness. We are being called. That is the reason you're here, so I'm always here to support and help you in whatever way I can, and I'm so grateful that you're here in this community Until next time.

Rev Rachel Harrison: 36:27

Namaste, you can access this by becoming a subscriber through Apple Podcasts for only $3.99 a month, or become a Patreon member, and on this platform, you can choose $5, $15, or $25 a month to show what you want to support the show with, on both of these subscriber platforms is an entire catalog of back episodes intended to inspire and support you on your soul recovery journey. I really want to invite everybody to attend the free once a month, every first Monday of the month support group. This is on zoom. Everyone is welcome to attend and by giving a like or a review and sharing this with your friends and family really helps us to share the soul recovery message with even more people. We are on social media. We are on all the platforms. I am on TikTok. You can listen to guided meditations by Rev Rachel Harrison on Insight Timer. Thank you for supporting the show. Thank you for being part of the community. To find out more about soul recovery and everything that's being offered, visit the website wwwrecoveryoursoulnet. Together, we can do the work that will recover your soul.