Why you need to be vulnerable

Has something upset you and you hold back your emotions in order to seem like the 'cool girl' he's dating?
Stop it!

Here's what today's episode covers;
-Why it's important to be vulnerable in the dating world
-How to manage your emotions and be honest about them
-Why you need to be yourself and be comfortable with it

- - - - -

Follow me & connect!
instagram.com/jaydedelpupcoaching

Join the Gal's in the Facebook group
https://www.facebook.com/groups/634737754099311

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:13

What's up, my little love buckets? Welcome back to another episode of Woke Up Worthy. Thank you so much for tuning in this week. Ah, I'm so happy. I just want to scream everything and anything from the rooftops. I don't know where I'm going with this introduction rant. Holy shit. I'm just really happy. Look, I have had coffee, but um, you know, what kind of boring podcast would it be if I didn't, if I wasn't like completely high on caffeine? I am just feeling so good. I know I keep saying that the last few episodes, but I'm gonna keep preaching because, you know, vibes. I'm sending positive and happy vibes to all of your weights, my babes. I hope everyone is also high on life right now. Coming into the end of the year, I know it can be very stressful for some people and maybe a little bit depressing depending on what circumstances and situation you're in. And I just want to let you know, like, it's a reminder that no matter what your circumstances, you get to choose how you feel, how you approach life. I am probably in the worst financial position of my life, but choose to be happy every day, choose to be optimistic, taking the lessons from it, and doing everything I fucking can to turn it around and feel better about my situation. So just because things are going south for you, just because you're in a rut, whatever may be going on for you, I just want to remind you that, you know, you have the power, you have the ability, whether you think so or not. Make sure you're surrounding yourself with the right people and aligning yourself with the right opportunities, and good things will come your way. You just have to choose to see the possibility in these situations, you know, see the light when you're in the dope in the dark places and instead of continuing to bury yourself in a hole. So a little, a little tough love very quickly into this episode. But you know, I'm just the fucking realism fairy right now where I come around and sprinkle shit around of wake the fuck up, like it's time to do something about your situation, you know. So sorry for the tough love. I know it's a tough time for everyone, but sometimes you just need a little kick up the butt to remember what you're capable of and what you're worth. So get on it, get moving. I have to keep pausing because aeroplanes, I live so close to the airport, airplanes keep like driving, flying over my house, and they're so loud, and because it's like silly season, they literally every fucking five minutes. So yeah. I don't know if you can ever hear them randomly in this episode. I'll try and stop recording if they do decide to fly in my backyard, but um, yeah, we're dealing with that today, so Sussie. Okay, today's episode is going to be about being vulnerable, being raw, and being comfortable with your emotions and what's come up for you, and that's okay, instead of just burying everything and trying to be someone that you're not. So that's what today's episode is gonna be about today. And before we get into it, I do have the most hectic, hilarious, and fun story for you. Now that I am a single Pringle living my best hot girl summer life, I'm just leaving the house more. It's crazy that what you're going through and what what's happening is like determines what you want to do. I don't know if that makes sense, but yeah. I still think I'm an introvert. I do love spending time by myself and I can only be around people for so long where I'm like energetically depleted and like I want to go home and go to bed. But I tell you what, I am literally living my best life and feeling my best. So all I want to do is just go out and have fun, and ironically, definitely still in the same boat as crippling financial debt. So it's like, how do you how are you in a mental space where you want to live your best life and be like your best hot girl summer self, but then also be like, I'm living off ramen noodles. I know it's like December, so a lot of you can relate with all the Christmas shit, but it's like me. Send us a lifeboat, honestly. So anyway, speaking of boat girls wanting to have a hot girl summer. On Friday, I think it was Friday, I have no idea. Maybe it was Saturday, whatever day it was, I had plans to stay the weekend in. Oh no, it was Friday. It was Friday night, and I said to myself, I'm staying home this weekend. I have no money in my bank account, like zero dollars to my name, and although I would rather be at all the festivities, ya girl can afford it. So just do something chill. And I actually am getting really close with my neighbor. Fucking shout out to Dre, love you so much. So we've been hanging out a lot, and it's so convenient. Literally, when I say next door, I we're like across the hall from each other in our apartment complex. So I just literally opened the door and there's her door. So we've been hanging out, and I said, like, let's just have a chill girl's night. And then her friend also was there, and we just had a glass of wine, and then nine o'clock comes, and I was like, Okay, I'm gonna go home. I'm just gonna watch a movie, maybe some Christmas movies, hang out with my cats, go to bed, whatever. When I say not even two minutes later, I was at home, I get a call from Jazz, who was next door with Jay, and she goes, Hey, let's fucking go to ice cream factory. And for anyone that's not in Perth, it's just like a summer pop-up bar, they have different events, different artists, different DJs or whatever on every night throughout the whole of summer. And I'm like, girl, I would love to. But when I say I can't afford it, like that's not an excuse. Literally have no money on my account. She goes, babe, let me tell you about this fun thing called Zip Pay. Let the broke girls teach broke girls how to broke girl in hot girl summer. So I'm like, okay, hear me out. Teach me, go, show me your ways. We, no joke, spent a good 30 minutes frantically, and when I say frantically, we were sprinting around my house, like trying to drink wine at the same time, frantically running around my house. I grabbed probably three or four debit cards in all of my drawers. I was like, try this one, try this one, try this one, like throwing shit at her while she's got Zip Pay open on my laptop, trying to set up the account. And she's like, babe, your zip pay is not working. When I say this is how broke I am, I could not set up Zip Pay because I'm too broke. They're like, bitch, we can't save you. Like, we can't even help you. Your situation, too poor for us. You're too poor for us. So I'm like, cool, what's my other fucking opportunities? She's like, send me money, put it in this account, and or she's like, how about I transfer money into your account, then you can set up your B pay or your Zip Pay. I was like, babes, not gonna work. There's no money in my account, it'll go into minus, not gonna happen. Cool, what about your savings? I'm like, fucking I was saving that money for food, but sure, fucking YOLO. YOLO. What a mess. I'm like telling this story and realizing how broke I am. But you know what? It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's because I'm, you know, it's just whatever, that's a whole other story. Anyway, we managed to get a fucking ticket at the 11th hour of this frantic thing. When I say that I went to a girls' night next door, I'm talking like pajamas and no makeup. So I've come home at 9.02, Jazz calls me, and at 9:45, we're ready to go. Full face of makeup, hair done, chosen outfit. And if you girls are listening, you know it takes at least a week and a half to choose an outfit for an event. Like you prep for it, you try it on, you do a fashion show for your friends, you send photos to people, like which shoes go with this, etc. So please give us a fucking medal. A medal or a trophy or something for getting ready and buying tickets in 45 minutes. I drove because broke bitches don't catch Ubers. I drove to the city and we parked, and Jazz is like, the parking ticket's on me. I'm like, that's a real friend. You do you. Turns out she bought a ticket for her car, not my car. It was already linked to her number plate. So I'm like, you know what, YOLO, it's all good. The universe has our back. We sprinted to Ice Cream Factory because we parked like five minutes away. So we got the ticket for the wrong car, got ticket for the wrong car, closed the car, locked the car, and ran. We sprinted to ice cream factory. Ice cream factory finishes at 11 p.m. We get there at 10 o'clock. We watch the Hayden James set. So let me tell you, I paid $57 for an hour of festivities. Do you think it was worth it? Fucking course it was. Of course it was. I would probably pay more for less time. Like, that's how much I love going to festivals and like music events. It just lights my soul on fire. Met up with friends, had the best time. Jazz and I got up on shoulders. We were like filming all these cutie little friend hot girl summer videos. Like, actually, such a vibe. Um, and turns out we had the best fucking night ever. I'm like, how is that for a spontaneous summer adventure? Like, that's a story for your kids. Do you know what I mean? But it's also taught me a huge lesson in just stop being a broke bitch, you know? Like, imagine if you actually had money and you could enjoy that night without the stress. But I think it was fun. Like, the consequences that come after spending the only money you have for food on a festival ticket. Um, you know what? That's future dates problem. I'm good right now, I'm fucking happy, I'm living kind of my best life with within my means, you know, and putting myself further in debt. But you know what? I'm having a good time and I'm not mad about it. So I just wanted to tell you that story. I don't know if that story is a positive influence or take it as a lesson and don't be a dumb bitch like me. But however you want to take it, there it is, it's on the table. So it is what it is. Thank you for listening to my TED talk. Alrighty. Now that you've heard my amazing story, let's get into today's episode. I have been witnessing, and again, I'll remind you, it's a lot of my own personal experience, but also what I witness in other people around me at work, my friends, my clients. I'm gonna talk about it. And it's something that I've noticed that people with insecurities do. If you have a lot of self-doubt, really low self-worth, and a lot of insecurities, we tend to become people we're not just to impress someone else. For example, because I know you want one. Picture this you're speaking to a new guy, you're dating a new guy, and you know, you're obviously getting to know each other in these early phases, and they're probably gonna do things that piss you off, they're probably gonna do things to disappoint you. Like everybody is their own person, they have their own mannerisms, they may want different things, whatever the situation is. If you ever feel disappointed by someone's actions or said boy you are seeing, or they've upset you by something they've said or done, if you choose to act in a way that's not yourself, you are reinforcing that behavior. For example, if someone, if you're really speaking to this guy and like you guys are vibing, you're really getting along, and then one night he's like completely ghosting you, he's making excuses, doesn't want to see you, and you tell yourself either to a friend or to yourself or to him, all good doesn't bother me. I'm not bothered, I'm not phased. Why are we lying to ourselves and other people? You are clearly phased, you're clearly upset, and the more that we say, nah, I'm all good, like no worries, that's not a problem, you're kind of teaching that person that that behavior doesn't bother you, where you could be in the opposite in the position where you go, um, look, I thought we were hitting it off, like I really want to spend time with you, or whatever the situation is, it's it's important to act up and say something because they're trying to get to know you as well, especially in the early dating phases. And especially with emotions, I feel like if you are used to suppressing your emotions all the time and you're used to like having to be strong, especially in your childhood, and you're putting up this front, it's like, why do we fear vulnerability? Like, what does it mean to you to be vulnerable? What are the consequences of being vulnerable? Because I can tell you right now, the consequences for being someone you're not, and the consequences for pushing down and suppressing your emotions fucking heavily outweigh being vulnerable. Being vulnerable in the dating world is a huge plus for me. You get to really know someone in vulnerability, and if especially if you're being if you're willing to be vulnerable together. And you know what? Being vulnerable and talking about your emotions and how something affected you and how it made you feel emotionally actually gives them the opportunity to respond to that. Then you get to know them further. What kind of person are they when you are emotional? What kind of person are they when you're vulnerable? How do they support you through that emotion and vulnerability? But if you shut yourself off and close down your emotions, you're not giving them the opportunity or even together. You're not creating that opportunity to see how you connect in times of conflict and how you how you get through conflict is a huge, huge important thing in a relationship. So the fact that you're kind of shutting off that opportunity and shutting down and not allowing them to see you be vulnerable or emotional, and I get it, right? Like in the early phases, we'd like kind of tiptoeing around, like we want to do things to impress the other person, and you can a hundred percent still impress that person, but it's not at the cost of being someone you're not. I feel like we put on this character of like this cool girl. I'm this cool girl that like doesn't have any worries. You go see the boys, oh no worries, like you sleep with other people, whatever the situation is that you've come across where you put on this cool girl front of I don't care. I'm not phased by that. I'm really not fussed that he's not fucking making time for me. Like, bitch, yes, you are, and that is okay, that's a good thing. It means you're a human being and you have standards. Reacting to something emotionally and admitting that it's upset you means you have standards. Don't we want standards for ourselves? Don't we want to set boundaries in place and have people honor them and respect them? If you're putting on this front of a cool girl that doesn't care, I don't want to be a cool girl that doesn't care. I care about a lot of things, right? And that means I have standards. Like fucking best be meeting those standards or see you later. Like you're not my guy, you know? And that comes from a place of obviously confidence and self-worth and saying and realizing that I have standards and making sure people meet them, or you're just not my person. But obviously, if we lack that confidence and self-respect and self-worth, it's very easy for us to make excuses for the person we're dating or hanging out with or speaking to. And this can either be in a romantic situation or a friendship, however you want to see it. I suppose it also comes down to like what are you willing to tolerate? For me, especially in this new thing called being single, I'm just so used to being in a relationship for like the last 10-something years. You kind of forget what it's like to get to know people. Like I've been with this the last two boyfriends I've had, I was with them both for a very long time. So it's like I forgot what it's like to get to know someone and give or take in the dating world in terms of what am I what am I willing to let go of? What am I willing to let slide? Or that's probably just like an annoying quirk of theirs, or he's really fucking like pushing the boundary here, like he's really doing something to make me feel uncomfortable or upset me. Like, is he just being a fucking idiot and a dickhead and treating you like shit? Or he just needs some time for the guys, you know, all good. Like, what is it? And sometimes that's why it's really important to either have really close friends or family or people that you talk to about these situations. Because if you do have a really good friend, that friend can step in and be like, You're being a silly little bitch, like give him some space, or that's bullshit, he shouldn't be talking to you like that, or shouldn't be treating you like that. Definitely red flag, not your person, cut him loose. Um, because sometimes when we're so caught up in the love bug, or you know, whatever the fuck you call it when you're dating someone, like the romanticizing and the desire, you have a crush, right? Like you you kind of let your own standards slip. Because I'm so wrapped up in this guy or this person, I'm so wrapped up in them, and I love the attention I'm getting, I love the way he makes me feel when it is going well and when it is positive. But who's there to remind you that there are some bad times and though there are red flags, and those red flags don't necessarily have to be there. Hey, and they might not even be there with someone else. Like, how much are you willing to tolerate? Especially if you've come from a traumatic childhood or you've had really traumatic relationships, if you're moving into a new relationship and you're comparing the two, I've gone from like a minus five out of ten to a six out of ten. So that six out of ten is gonna feel like a ten out of ten because you've like gone from a minus five. Do you know what I mean? So, do you want to settle for that six out of ten? Is that your standard now? Because because it's not a minus five, this is as good as it's gonna get for me. Like I'm just thrilled to be with someone that's not a minus five. Or are you raising your standards like hey, this is a good step in the right direction to a good relationship or a good man or someone that messages me back or spends time with me or whatever it is, but I'm gonna keep my options open and I'm gonna keep meeting people because the more we raise our standards, the more you're working on your confidence, the more you're opening up to respecting yourself and your self-worth and you're constantly building at it. But if you imagine like a staircase and you're climbing, and each staircase that goes higher is a better guy, like a better relationship. Are you is your standard just like you're willing to sit on that middle step? You know, like I'm a little bit scared to take the next step up the staircase in case it's not as good and I fall back down to the bottom of the fucking staircase. But until you're ready to climb the top of the staircase, you'll never know what's out there for you. You'll never know what kind of perfect, beautiful relationship you actually are capable of being in. And if we hold on to, oh, but he does this, this, and this really well, he makes me happy this time and he does this, it's like cool, so will someone else. So leave the red flags on the bottom steps. Take the good things, not in don't keep them in that relationship, put them in your bag of shit I want in a man and shit I want out of a relationship. Put them in the bag and continue climbing the staircase. Don't settle for that middle step just because it's better than the bottom step. Keep climbing, baby girl. Keep climbing. In order to understand what you want out of a relationship and what you want out of a man, you have to be vulnerable. You have to talk to them about what they've done has affected you, what your emotions are like. You want someone that can help you with those emotions, not someone that you're scared to open up to or shuts you down when you try to talk about what's going on. And you don't know how they're gonna deal with your emotions or you as a person or whatever you're going through if you keep shutting it off and keep shutting yourself down. So stop lying to yourself when you say it doesn't bother me, it's all good. I'm not really that bothered, I'm not fussed because you fucking are, and that's okay. It's okay. Why is it okay that we go to our friends and bitch about that guy and say, what he did really upset me, this pissed me off, rah rah rah. But when it comes to talking about it with them, we shut down and we go, No, it's all good, you're right, I was wrong. It's not a problem because you're scared to have that uncomfortable conversation. Because the potential of you guys having an argument and breaking it off and him saying, Well, fuck it, like I'm done then, and him walking away, you're scared of that. So you hold in all of your insecurities, you hold in all of the emotion because you're scared to bring it up, you're scared to have that conversation in case you lose him. But let me tell you, if that is where you're at and you're scared of that happening, it needs to happen. You need to have that conversation and he needs to leave because how he deals with when you're upset and how he comforts you, if he doesn't and completely abandons you and walks off, he's not your person. And you'd rather find that out in the early stages rather than later on. So have those uncomfortable conversations. Speak your mind, tell him how you're feeling. Like everybody, everybody's human. They're gonna have insecurities, they're gonna have emotions, they're gonna have thoughts, and so do we. So why is it our go-to defense mechanism to completely shut down and pretend that we're fine when we're not? So I encourage you, no matter what situation you're in, to be open and to talk about it. Get comfortable being vulnerable. And if you're not vulnerable, start asking yourself, what am I afraid of? Why do I hold back? Why do I shut down? Why do I not want to be vulnerable with this person? Are you not comfortable with them? Do you not trust them? Or do you have a pattern of holding back your vulnerability with everyone? And if that's the case, why? Why do you not want to be vulnerable? What happens when you're vulnerable? And just answer that in your head. What happens when you're vulnerable? What are the consequences of being vulnerable? But what are the positives of being vulnerable? What are some positive things that can come from being vulnerable with this person? Whether that's your friend or your partner or someone you're dating, like whatever your situation is. And always think about the positive outcomes because I'm sure you've been vulnerable in plenty of other plenty other times, you know? So really have a think about it, identify that that's what you've been doing, and don't be scared to have those uncomfortable situations, uncomfortable conversations and put yourself out there. Give the relationship or this person the opportunity to show you how they help you through those moments. And don't carry it all yourself. Because the more that we push it down, the more that we suppress it, the more we hold back from being our true vulnerable selves. It's almost like you're training your brain. You're training yourself to suppress, you're training yourself to not put yourself first. Whenever there's a problem, if you guys eventually get together and you're dating, um, whenever there's a problem, your automatic go-to is shut down. His feelings are more important than mine. The fact that we label ourselves as together and strong is more important than having an argument once off to clear the air. Do you know what I mean? So sort your shit out. Be strong, be vulnerable. Everything that you're feeling, your emotions are valid and they are correct. You are allowed to feel however you are, you're allowed to react however you you do. It's like last week's episode when I talk about the chain reaction of you know, something's happened, you react, you have a thought, you have a behavior, and you have an action. So, what sequence are you doing now? Validate it and be comfortable with the uncomfortable. I'm interested if anyone's going through this, what has it brought up for you and what are you gonna do about it? Would love to hear from you guys in the DMs. So jump onto my Instagram, Jade Delpub Coaching. You are welcome to DM me there about the episode, otherwise, you're welcome to join the free Facebook group. The female self-worth hub. And we chat about all the episodes in there. So if you guys need anything, please reach out. I'm always here. But thank you so much for listening to this week's episode, and I will see you next week. Bye.