Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl
Mastering Boss Energy: Ditching Wishy-Washy Vibes and Head Into Our Boss B*tch Era
Ever felt that rush of being totally in charge, radiating confidence without saying a word? Today, we're all in on 'boss energy,' ditching outdated stereotypes and diving deep into what it really means to be assertive, yet cool-headed in leadership. Mastering communication, striking the perfect balance between boss and approachable overcoming setbacks like a boss. Let's learn to tap into that Boss Energy together!
You can watch the full episodes on our Youtube
Youtube - Confessionsofawannabeitgirl
Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl’s TikTok:
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Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl’s IG:
@confessionsofawannabeitgirl
Ever felt that rush of being totally in charge, radiating confidence without saying a word? Today, we're all in on 'boss energy,' ditching outdated stereotypes and diving deep into what it really means to be assertive, yet cool-headed in leadership. Mastering communication, striking the perfect balance between boss and approachable overcoming setbacks like a boss. Let's learn to tap into that Boss Energy together!
You can watch the full episodes on our Youtube
Youtube - Confessionsofawannabeitgirl
Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl’s TikTok:
@wannabeitgirlpodcast
Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl’s IG:
@confessionsofawannabeitgirl
Hi guys, welcome back to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl, the podcast that helps you filter out the BS in pursuit of becoming your own it girl or the next it girl. And in today's episode we are diving into boss energy. Boss energy commanding a room, being assertive, really exemplifying that leadership I think a lot of us dreamed of maybe having as a kid. We're gonna dive into how you can get in touch with your boss energy.
Speaker 2:Welcome to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl. I'm your host, marley Fregging, and I'm here to help you filter out all the bullshit and become the next it Girl. This podcast explores the reality of what it really takes to make it out there. As it turns out, it is way less Instagrammable than I thought it was going to be. I'm still very much a work in progress, but there's simply nothing else I'd rather be doing than chasing my dreams. So let's learn from my mistakes and work together to achieve our dreams with more confidence, clarity and direction. Let's get after it.
Speaker 1:I want to start this episode by saying that boss energy is often met by boss girl, and I'm not nagging the 2010s for having boss girl or boss girl babe on every coffee cup binder and planner. It was very of the moment and I think we needed this boss girl revolution to get, maybe, society up to the idea of having women forefront and take boss roles. However, I'm at the point that I would really like to drop the girl from this conversation. Why do we need boss girl in front of it? Why do we need boss man? If we want to throw it the opposite way, it can just be like I want to be a boss, I want to have boss energy. I just don't think the explanation of this is female boss energy is needed anymore. I think we've just moved past it. So if you were all about the boss girl movement, I'm here for the mentality, but I don't think we need to continue labeling it. Let's move on from that. So if you still have those binders or planners, I'm not going. Puts it very much in its own category and I just want us all to be in the boss energy world. That being said, for some reason even though I'm like remove the boss girl from your vocab. For some reason I'm still very much okay with like, I just want to be a boss bitch. That's probably misogynistic and I will regret saying that at a later date. But like I don't know, I want to be a boss bitch, I'm like, I'm okay with it.
Speaker 1:So what really is the difference between being a boss and a boss bitch? I couldn't fucking tell you. And if you've done some research, let me know. But let's dive into what I'm talking about when I'm talking about boss energy. This is assertiveness, leadership. But I also think there's like a very cool, calm, collected energy that also comes in line with being a boss. I mean, we've all seen it on the street when you see somebody walk by and you can just tell they are in command and in power and in charge. I mean we know it not because of the price tag of the things they are wearing, but how they are wearing the clothing, how they carry themselves with confidence and aren't scared to speak their mind or ask questions without a lot of extra flutteriness around it, and I think clear, concise is very boss.
Speaker 1:So I would say the first thing that I have yet to accomplish would be removing wish-washy energy from your life would be removing wish-washy energy from your life. Bosses are very assertive and clear. We don't need to second guess our choices and sometimes a choice just needs to be made, and that is what being a boss really entails. This is not something by any means I think I'm good at and also I'd like to call out that at this point boss energy while there probably is some girly pop or boy pop out there who lives in boss energy 24-7, I don't think we need to be in boss energy all the time. I think we can ebb and flow from what times we are in boss energy, like if you are a manager at your restaurant or you own the restaurant, obviously those are times you're going to need to call on your boss energy. But when you're hanging out with your grandma and that's not really your dynamic I don't think we need to bring in boss energy 24 seven, so it's okay to not be on all the time. That being said, going back to what I was saying earlier is removing wish-washy mindset train of thought. Really leaning in to making choices, not saying you can't change them, assertively confident that you can change them, is also very admirable, I would say. But going for the choice and just trusting your gut with it.
Speaker 1:I find that a lot of people, when they are not in boss energy, over-explain. For instance, I will think of an exact example like denying coming to an event. Like they're like I'm so sorry, I can't come because I don't have money. And then I don't have this work off and my dog has to pee at 3, 15 religiously or it, and I just I can't come. Like we didn't need the explanation. A very boss response would just be I'm not going to be able to make it. Response would just be I'm not going to be able to make it. Like, did we need the rest of my dog needs to be at 315? I don't think so. Yet being in this energy I want to be careful of.
Speaker 1:Boss is a really close known word to the word bossy. They are bossy cousins. They are mirrors of each other, if you will. There's such a difference between being around someone or being someone who is a boss versus being or being around somebody who is bossy. Now, bossy to me looks a lot more just like nagging, annoying and commanding the space. Annoying and commanding the space versus being a boss. It's kind of earned because it's trusted, maybe thought through and willing to create space for I don't want to say different opinions, but just for, maybe, things to go a different direction. Bossy is nagging, quick energy, snappy, snappy, missy missy, and they are different, you know.
Speaker 1:I have to say, though, even as I'm sitting here talking about it, I do think about on TikTok all the time, like this girl's so in her boss bitch energy Like yes, but like how often do you actually see someone and you just go? They're a boss Like not that often. I feel like it's a very hyped up social media thing. At the same time, I can totally find people like in my life or community or workplaces that I think are bossy, and what I find is that they nag and berate and tell people they're doing wrong instead of commanding and wanting people around them to do better and wanting others to do better for themselves as well. That's the difference between boss and bossy. For me, boss energy probably grew from this place of the popular girl, the it girl.
Speaker 1:Whatever, I want to transform boss energy here by saying that I believe that boss energy is not exclusive, just because Sally from Pilates at 6 am on a Tuesday walks in every day with confidence and talks to people and is very clear and has boss energy doesn't mean that you can't have it too. It doesn't have to be exclusive. I felt growing up I was a competitive dancer and the other girls at my studios were very, very confident as people and as dancers and I saw it as arrogant, partly because I didn't have it myself which is a whole nother podcast but I then believed because they owned it, that was their thing that I couldn't have it too, which makes absolutely no sense. It is not mutually exclusive. So Sally can have boss energy and you can have boss energy.
Speaker 1:It doesn't need to be that just because somebody else has this thing that you can't have it to you. You can build it yourself. It's not going to diminish their boss energy by you having boss energy. The only person diminishing having boss energy from you is you. No one is walking around checking with a speed gun what everybody's boss energy level is and you're going to get a citation for having too much boss bitch energy. That ain't happening. We can all have it. So it's not something to be shy away from. It's, if anything, it's something to see other people have and lean in because you can do it too.
Speaker 1:A lot of like the typical high school movies or even maybe somewhat your own high school experience that the cool or popular it girls or people were already tapping into just being like trendsetters or confident or showcasing leadership skills, and I don't know what it is about those situations that make you think that you can't have it too. Particularly high school situation, I feel like every movie, every story, like only one person, has that energy and like then you get to the real world and A you're just exposed to a lot more people, but you realize like that sets a really weird precedent, that like you kind of can't have it if someone else in your world and environment has it, and I just think that's completely not true. And also, you know everybody's boss energy can shine differently, not true? And also you know everybody's boss energy can shine differently. My boss energy to me means like I'm on task, I was assertive, I didn't flounder that day and you know I was really tapped in when I was driving and I didn't miss any of my a million Google notifications. To turn left here, that could be for me boss, boss energy. And your boss energy could be that you just you planned out your outfit the night before and you were just set up a little earlier this morning. I don't think it it has to fit any form at all.
Speaker 1:The biggest thing that I've noticed that I have actually lacked the most, I would say, is boss. People got to being in that place in the workplace of being a boss or in life because they really followed their instincts. They don't second guess themselves. I have struggled the most with this. I want to see every fucking option and then make a decision, and I'm that I don't know how to say this without sounding sexist.
Speaker 1:Maybe is something that women could learn a little bit more from some men is that I have seen men just not negate themselves because they're confident in their decision. Versus some innate trauma that women grow up with. They're like maybe second guessing themselves a little bit more. The people who learn to tap in with their instincts and lean into them and don't doubt their choices A present things much clearer than everybody else can grab on, because God knows, I can be a floundering person and people can get real confused. Or you can be clear, concise, short and not afraid of silence. Silence and listening and thinking before you speak is the biggest boss energy thing for me. I've heard this example time and time again. People talk about the jester who shows up at the court and does all this cool dancing to make everybody laugh, and everybody loves the jester, but the queen or king sits there silently watching and it creates a different kind of commanding energy. I do think there's a world where we can meld both, but I'm just saying that silence and thinking before you speak with your opinions, views or plans of action can really command a lot more.
Speaker 1:Ironically, I was just talking about this with my therapist that I have a few different types of friends. I have one friend who you know is often going through something and she calls me all the time and it's kind of like I don't want to say the friend who cried rough, because I feel for her pain and I want to be in it with her. However, every time she calls, I kind of think I know what the conversation is going to be like and I'm here for it. I want to be a good friend. If I remember, your friends aren't a therapist as well. Versus, I have this other friend who never calls on me for emotional support, so that one time she uses her voice for emotional support. Damn, do I drop everything I'm doing to be there.
Speaker 1:That's the same thing you can apply to boss energy. If you're throwing out ideas left and right, you're debuting a new style every single day, I'm not going to take you seriously. But when you show up with that one clear, concise or that one really big ask or plan of action and you haven't said anything in a while, damn, is that going to pull attention? And I think that's what boss energy is. A little bit is pulling focus in the best way, not in the sporadic gestury way, but in the clean, clear, concise, focused way.
Speaker 1:Another thing I'd like to point out is people make mistakes and, instead of shoving them under the rug, people who are truly in touch with boss energy, I think, can own up to them Like you don't have a problem being like hey, I made a mistake, you were right. Thank you so much Again. Keep it simple. Keep it simple, sweetie. What is it Kiss? Keep it simple. Stupid. Sweetie was nicer. Whatever, you can own up to things and be clear, concise and you don't need to wallow in this pool of self-pity. I think that is very boss-like is to just be like fucked up. Here we are. Thanks so much for your help. What is not boss energy?
Speaker 1:is like oh my God, everyone hates me. Now I have to quit this job. I can never come back to the office or never show up again to a group dinner with the girls because I made this mistake. Own up to your shit. That is so, boss, and again, don't bring it up. The moment has passed, say sorry, move the fuck on. And that's all I have to say about that.
Speaker 1:I will say this that this is not a perfect science and this is one I am still very much living through understanding. I have gone through huge waves in my life of, you know, having it really fucking together at the podcast, having my acting career really together, having my day job career really together, and I will tap into boss energy just because you know I got seven hours of sleep that night and then the next week or the next month I see myself roll down the hill and I'm struggling to even make decisions about what I want for dinner or timing and quick, do you want pasta or rice? Suddenly becomes really hard. It's not a perfect science and that's definitely a pitfall to this idea of boss energy is again that people think you have to be in it all the time. I also think that it brings up a lot of fear of imposter syndrome. And imposter syndrome starts to creep in because having boss energy can get so close, maybe, to bragging or boasting and like look at how, look at this flex, and it's great to earn and have those things. But at the end of the day, we're all going to feel a level of imposter syndrome, no matter where you're at in your career, friendships or relationships. Nothing is as black and white as it seems on social media or on TV as a huge pillar of this podcast. There are levels and we're going to experience the fan of them and it's okay if you don't stay in it all the time In a shit hit the fan situation, if you need to pull the emergency brake down in a situation in your life that you have at least one little fake it till you make it trigger that can fake you into being in that boss energy moment For me. I know this sounds fucking stupid, but this is. You know there's 78% women, female or listeners to this. So when I took the time to do my hair, put together a cute outfit, I can be having a shit day, but that one thing will trigger me into believing I have a little bit more of boss energy and for everyone that could be different.
Speaker 1:Another big thing that is a pitfall of boss energy is, once you start to gain this radical confidence and clear, concise thoughts and assertiveness, is you can end up so close to the top. And then what comes at the top? New level, new devil and a lot of compare and despair, which is another yet favorite topic of mine. Again, remember that Boss Energy isn't exclusive just to Sally at Pilates at 615, but your best friend and your mom can have it too. We don't have to cut it.
Speaker 1:Conspiracy and despair, I would say, in my opinion not that I lived 100 years ago, I think is the worst it's ever been. Every day we've got a new app, a new way to gain followers, a new marker of success financially. I don't know if we're actually in a recession, but times are tough. Everybody looks at money as a marker. I feel like we have the most metrics to compare ourselves these days. I think the real route to getting to boss energy is that compare and despair has no meaning. Not saying it's not going to happen, or the VP, the micro step to having full-blown boss energy is how are you going to deal with that compare and despair Boss energy.
Speaker 1:At the end of the day, why we look at people and go, oh my God, I wish I had boss energy like that is because they are being unapologetically themselves. They're not caring about what the bird's eye view is seeing them, they aren't auditing themselves, they're just doing and being. I mean unapologetically. You might be a strong phrase. Everybody's a little freaky, deaky and actually everybody has a lot more quirks than you think. But the thing that I really want to say at the root of this is they're just being and doing. They're just doing and being, and maybe they have quirks, maybe they don't.
Speaker 1:In order to find whatever your boss energy is to you, you have to make it fun. If you are setting the bar really high, that boss energy looks like you, look like a Victoria's Secret model and you have a Fortune 500 company. That's not going to happen by tomorrow. How can you make that journey fun and how can you find the play in it? For me, it's dressing like it, it's acting like it, it's getting a $7 matcha from Alfred's, which is ridiculous.
Speaker 1:But we're here and we're loving it and pretending. I love to have a little bit of romanticize your life. When I was a kid growing up, I used to pretend that my house on dirt road in New Mexico was like living on a Kim Kardashian compound. You have to play pretend with yourself on a Kim Kardashian compound. You have to play pretend with yourself. Play pretend. What would your boss energy look like? How do you act as though? As if? Because acting as if will eventually kind of trick you into believing, inch by inch, a little bit more. That being said, I hope this episode has helped you to identify what boss energy maybe means to you, with some fun jokes and silly stories along the way. So thank you guys, so much for listening. We'll see you next Tuesday.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for listening to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl. Don't forget to rate and subscribe to the show. As always, we'll see you next Tuesday.