The Culture Shock That is LA : LA Training Wheels Fall Off Day By Day

Roaming LA's glitzy landscape for a decade, I've uncovered its essence: a fusion of laid-back vibes and non-stop hustle. From newbie to seasoned local, I'll spill the tea on adapting to LA's scene.

You can watch the full episodes on our Youtube
Youtube - Confessionsofawannabeitgirl

Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl’s TikTok:
@wannabeitgirlpodcast

Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl’s IG:
@confessionsofawannabeitgirl

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome back to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl, the podcast that helps you filter out the BS in pursuits of becoming the next it girl or your own it girl, and in very it girl fashion. Today we're going to talk about the golden land of Hollywood, the great state of California, but more specifically I mean Los Angeles. Yes, los Angeles comes with many good, bad, left and right stereotypes. It's real fun to have an Eron smoothie and run around in your cute little aloe set on your way to Pilates, thinking you are superior for about five seconds. But let's dive in to those training wheels. About LA the culture shock of maybe moving here and how those wheels fall off day by day. The culture shock of maybe moving here and how those wheels fall off day by day. Welcome to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl. I'm your host, marley Fregging, and I'm here to help you filter out all the bullshit and become the next it Girl. This podcast explores the reality of what it really takes to make it out there. As it turns out, it is way less Instagrammable than I thought it was going to be. I'm still very much a work in progress, but there's simply nothing else I'd rather be doing than chasing my dreams. So let's learn from my mistakes and work together to achieve our dreams with more confidence, clarity and direction. Let's get after it.

Speaker 1: 1:20

So, for me, I am aging myself. I've lived in LA for, yeah, 10 years, almost 10 years, fuck me sideways. I went to college here. So not only did I deal with the culture shock of moving to Los Angeles, I dealt with the culture shock of being in college. So here are some things that I may have noticed in that transition or since have noticed stark differences about living in LA. I call LA training wheels the force. Four to five years you live in LA, you're kind of adjusting A to living in a new place, living potentially, maybe in a bigger city than you've ever lived before. And then, yes, all the up-down stereotypes, the pressure of the entertainment industry being here, the social media industry kind of being here, music industry being here. I would consider LA to be a varsity town. Now, when I say varsity town, I mean big city got things hustle, culture, high-end business, whatnot versus compared to, maybe a JV town of a much smaller size, less competitive industries, whatnot.

Speaker 1: 2:28

So one thing I really didn't understand for the longest time when I moved here is people like aren't chatty, like they're not into chatting when and I don't mean like people don't want to talk to you. I'm talking about like if you are ordering a coffee, like you say, oh yeah, I want coffee, and how was your day going? Do you want almond milk? Like yeah, of course I want almond milk. Like who drinks regular milk? Like nobody thinks that's funny here.

Speaker 1: 2:58

It's very like it's not even get in, get out, because that, to me, is very much more like the New York mindset of get in, get out. But like people, if they like don't know you or potentially don't think they could get anything from you, don't want to chat Like it's just not a very friendly is not the right word. What's this word I'm percolating on? Like if I don't know you, I don't want to talk to you. And if I don't know me, don don't want to talk to you. And if I, yeah, yeah, if you don't know me, don't throw me. Like they people just do not want to chit chat when you're like ordering coffee, and then on top of it and that goes to say in a lot of different elements, coffee is just like my classic example.

Speaker 1: 3:39

There's this level of how do I say it? The goal is to like look bored, like people want to seem so relaxed and so like I don't care about any of this shit. They like seem a little grumpy and agitated and bored and that really relaxed, yet bored I'm. Like I'm so bothered by. You know, the wait for my coffee is like such a presence in Los Angeles, like I do not understand it because I'm like Miss Go Peppy everywhere. I, you know I have bad days, but like I'm Miss Go Peppy wherever I go, thinking like everybody wants to chit, chat, like why don't we have a little conversation? I'm very rarely bored because I can probably I could probably be in solitary confinement and keep myself completely occupied with my own rambling.

Speaker 1: 4:27

But the point being is there's this attitude that is very cool to look disengaged, disinterested and bored. It's fucking trendy to be so relaxed and so chill, and I think that's where the stereotype of being the surfer guy came in. Oh, I'm just so chill. And I think that's where the stereotype of like being the surfer guy came in. Like, oh, I'm just, you know I'm so relaxed. You know I hit some waves, but like it's grown, it is now, like you know, the influencer, like I'm just so relaxed, like I woke up this way, like I just threw my hair in this like back ponytail and I have this really relaxed outfit that is like the most curated thing ever.

Speaker 1: 5:03

But the tone that is trendy in LA is to not look like you care, while you still care a bunch, and be slightly relaxed and bored while doing it. Like, oh, the hardness of this life I live, even though, like you absolutely like, I'm fucking thriving inside. But like, oh, there was no parking on Melrose. There's this certain level of like I don't care to the external world while you care so deeply on the inside. It's like this weird, innate attitude that a lot of people carry in LA. And that being said, this I'm not going to lie and I'm so guilty of this, I am wicked guilty of this.

Speaker 1: 5:47

Now, I used to never do this, but people you know don't always say hi to you in LA. It's beyond. Maybe I'm just a shitty person and I don't know. No, I'm joking, no, I'm not a shitty person, but people you know sometimes you will be. I'm just really rocking with the coffee shop example today. Or maybe you're in a Pilates class and you'll see somebody you know and you at least like, have you know? You've met them like name to name, not just like you stalked them on Instagram and people maybe it's just girls, I don't know do this weird thing where they kind of like act like they don't see you or they don't want to engage with you or like, oh, you just didn't cross my gaze, so I didn't say hi. And I also think there's this weird thing of like, well, you should say hi to me, not I'm going to say hi to you.

Speaker 1: 6:42

So the amount of times, particularly with people that I have run into from college that maybe I do or don't have bad blood with or whatnot, we just like mutually agree to like ignore each other, it isn't beyond bizarre and like I'm so guilty of it too. Now, given there are people that like in life, like I see and like I just don't want to interact with, but like it's just this weird mutual like I know who you are and you know who I am, but we're not going to say anything to each other. It's the strangest thing, but I guess it saves you some time, I don't know. Point being is like I had never done that really in my life before living in LA, and other people would do it to me, kind of like ignoring me and I just felt the energy that I shouldn't go say hi. And then, now that I've lived here for like 10 years, there are moments where maybe I am very guilty of that and I'm kind of like I don't want to say hi to them and I hope they don't say hi to me. So we just like mutually agree to ignore each other. Eric is rolling his eyes. Yeah, it's so true. But it's true, it's so true and it's like sometimes it's people you were really close with once and now you're not. But it does make people who do like I had this girl come up to me.

Speaker 1: 8:00

I'm teaching at a Pilates studio. She came up to me she said like hi, I didn't recognize her, but I was like I know, I know you. She was like I see your name on the schedule all the time. I take class earlier, but we went to college together and I was like, wow, that really stood out to me. She was so nice. I was like, oh, it's so good to see you. So when I should do it more often too, I'm not unguilty of it. I completely admitted that.

Speaker 1: 8:25

That being said, like I think a lot of the reason people do ignore people is because they care a lot about the impression they have on you. I think that's why a lot of people think like, oh well, they should come up and say hi to me instead of like I should go say hi to them. It's just like this innate thing here that I feel like people care a lot about. I mean, the obvious stereotype here is that people care a lot about their looks. The whole living in LA was the only place plastic surgery existed pre-2010. Like it felt like that was LA. There's this huge push with fitness and wellness and stuff. So there's just this vibe that innately runs through LA about caring about the impressions you make and it you know it trickles down in ways that used to be so kind of like the underbelly talked about, like caring about people's social media followings.

Speaker 1: 9:28

It used to be we don't admit that we care about this person because they have a lot of followers and in the last three to five years I think we just have completely given up that fuck. And now we just admit that we care about certain people because they have a lot of followers and the old, older or older standing title of this that people care a lot about is your title and your profession and your job, and you know I've heard people say this. I'm going to relate this to the acting industry because it's the only one I really can make the comparison for myself. It's like when you go home for Christmas and if you aren't currently like repped by a manager or agent, do you feel lesser than if you are represented just by like some manager or agent, because you get to say like, yeah, I just signed with a new agent or I've been with my agent for like two years and it's a great relationship.

Speaker 1: 10:23

People pride themselves on having some titleness. I mean, I don't think that's just an LA thing. But here I will also say people are some people not all are not shy about just fucking asking what you do, how much you make not really exactly how much you make but they want to know what they can get from you, which is right where I wanted to go, which is to talk about the culture fucking shock that I still go through mountains up and down of understanding, forgetting, relearning and then remembering of clout chasing. Oh my God, don't get me wrong. I went deep into the contacts for the freaking Coachella parties. I'm not above this here, but people love to clout chase. Here it's like a full-time job. For some people here it's actually a profession. It's literally a profession on some level.

Speaker 1: 11:25

But let me tell you, clout chasing is definitely like the what can I get from you? Like, oh, you're a producer, can you put me in your film. Oh, you're an influencer, can you take me to this party? Oh, can you take me to this event? There is so much that idea of I just want to get to know you because I want to get something from you.

Speaker 1: 11:45

But let me tell you something about this world and I don't know why sometimes we seem to like turn a blank eye and forget about this. It's a dog eat dog world, like anybody who is deep, deep, deep in the networks of clout chasing. Like they don't give a fuck about you, like they really just care what they're going to get from you and what you're going to get from them. It's not like a really heart-to-heart place. People don't really care about knowing about you or taking care of your better interest. It's very transactional. And I definitely saw that kind of go down very recently at Coachella with a friend of mine and seeing like the lack of humanitarian-ness. I don't know if that's like the lack of heart, the lack of empathy or just like really like trying to get to know people and being into people for who they are was just so blatantly not there and it was so sad to see because I want to believe. I want to believe that people will still know people for people and that's why I'm totally also not above admitting that like I'm intrigued by you because of like you have so many followers, but then after that that's just like the first tipping point of the conversation to me, like I want to know about you, like there's more to you than your follower count, there's more to you than the parties. Like do I actually want to go to those parties with you? Are you going to be actually fun at those parties? Are you going to get me in? And then, like I'm not going to want to hang out with you because I'm not cool enough to be around you.

Speaker 1: 13:22

Suddenly the clout chasing and like you know what, I've definitely dipped in it and I've dipped out really quick and I haven't lived like the craziest LA girly life that is out there. I mean I know that there are people who do way crazier things than I have, but like it's just a roller coaster of emotions and I have seen so many girls in college and even now just kind of get like heartbroken by this straight mistreatment of the clout chasing world. Like it's really fucking harsh. I've seen people get kicked out of clubs because they slept with somebody and now that person doesn't like them and they're mad and like people not get into a party and all of their friends got in but they're the one left out. Like it can be a cruel, cruel world. And I'm not above loving those things that come with clout chasing at all, I I'm kind of into it too. But like what's going to get you through those things is finding true relationships and people you actually connect with in those environments and that will carry you so much farther. That being said, what would this conversation be without touching on nepo babies? Love the conversation of nepo babies Totally.

Speaker 1: 14:40

A term that blew the fuck up in the media maybe like two, three years ago a little bit during COVID. People were really frustrated with the idea of like a nepo baby and I'll say it is hard Like everybody's brother, cousin's, girlfriend is somehow related to a really cool industry and they have such a cool life and they might have so much money and they might have such cool flexes that it can really get to you because you're like well, if I had those connections, maybe I get somewhere farther and on some level. You can't blame the person for being born into a family, but it's how they handle it and how they use their advantages. And if they're using those advantages to gloat to you not the vibe but if they're using those advantages to have their own career or like potentially help somebody else's career, like I don't know, nepo babies like maybe aren't that bad. It's such a bad term and I think the best thing a Nepo baby can do is to acknowledge that they're a nepo baby. And then I'm like I have no problem with you, like great. I mean not that I have all problems with nepo babies, let me be clear. But if you can acknowledge that you're a nepo baby or like you know you came into this with a little bit of a head start, like I just think that's honest. I don't know. That being said, the second you do something that has some clout or weight, or you have a good performance, or you have a social media following, people will start to cling to you and they'll maybe change their tune about you.

Speaker 1: 16:22

I remember in college I had this performance that by no means I was a master of, but I did decent. And there was this girl. I went to school with her for four fucking years. I thought she was really cool, I thought we would have gotten along, but she never really talked to me. And then I did this performance. I did well enough, and suddenly she would speak to me. I was like what and I could really mark down that the change was post me having some successful moment. And I've just kind of never forgotten that. And I, you know, I gave into it because I wanted her to like me so much, because I was. I thought she was cool and I just was like yeah, like yeah, now I did it Like we're on the same level, but I could see how that could spiral so much to a darker place. Living in Los Angeles, that was obviously like a very safer example, like I was in college. It was just somebody talking to me, but like it does feel like. Until you sometimes get somebody's checkmark approval, you're like not allowed into, like their lunch table.

Speaker 1: 17:35

Another favorite stereotype of mine is what I call the Peter Pan syndrome or illness. I think many people are very familiar with this concept. La attracts this idea of like I'm never going to grow up. I can party all night, I can spend all this money, I can live in credit card debt. The rules don't apply to me. There's such this idea that I'm just never going to grow up. I've heard about this a lot more in the dating circles which I wasn't really in. It's kind of this like well, if I can have you, then I can have someone better too. And I think people who have Peter Pan illness look around LA and say well, I have this amazing life, so I'm going to go get a better one too. And it's just like this nonstop perpetual wheel of like what's next, what's better? Like swipe right, like continue on this crazy trajectory, like of just getting higher and higher in this. Like not true LA marked tower. I remember when Paisley Laura was on the show she talked about her friend saying to her like well, there's no like it. And she's like well, what do you mean? Like there's no it. Again, there is no it marker, there is no tangible thing to grab onto. Yet we all run around trying to get to the next best thing in our hamster wheel, speaking of another hamster wheel.

Speaker 1: 19:03

That kind of lives in LA, which we lightly touched on in a way, is this innate idea of hustle culture, everyone's hustle culture highlight reel, post that reel about all the gigs you booked, all the shit you did, because I got to gloat, post and hustle and then at the same time, the exact reverse dichotomy is like people believe things should be handed to them. They're like right next to each other. It's like, well, I hustle and work so hard, so obviously I should be handed things right away. Like, yes, if you are working hard, I hope you're getting somewhere in life and I hope that someone spots you in a grocery store and wants to make your dream career. But the chances of that happening are so slow. Nobody gets scouted in a grocery store anymore. Yeah, sure, I think there are, like I made it, moments where you know maybe somebody recognizes your talent, but like you did a lot to get there and I don't think getting there is usually like scrolling on social media. It was like I was out and about and I was doing my thing and I was working. But then also people think, well, if I work this hard and tell everybody how hard I'm working, I will be deemed that lucky moment and it just doesn't work that way, that lucky moment, and it just it doesn't work that way.

Speaker 1: 20:26

I'm going to take a little bit of like a pivot here to talk about the consumerism that also runs in LA. I was shocked when I moved here about, you know, the amount of like luxury goods that I suddenly saw growing up in Albuquerque, new Mexico, until 2014. There wasn't a lot of like luxury good markets. There's like the highest end store that I had ever seen in New Mexico was like Michael Kors and a coach store. So there was no like Louis Vuitton and Chanel and Bottega and whatnot. And moving here, like people, everyone has like a Louis Vuitton gym bag of like all things not actually the Louis Vuitton gym bag, but you get what I'm saying Like it was just a really big awakening that people have expensive things.

Speaker 1: 21:18

I think consumerism really runs very deep in LA because it plays on our insecurities of like well, if I have this, I'm cool enough and if I have this, I think I'm enough or I work hard enough to have this. So there's this weird consumerism that runs in LA and social media has kind of only making it worse by being like I can't post twice in the same outfit and it just plays on our insecurities and I think it runs really fat in LA a little bit because there's a lot of people. There's a lot of range here in what people can afford and flex. So I will end this podcast by saying that, even though sometimes I think there is no reward for living in LA, there is no like metal to claim for saying I lived in LA. Yet we all seem to think sometimes that, like being LA is superior and you've made it in a varsity town just by being here and it's a place to live. There's no requirements, I mean, other than, I guess, affording rent living here. There's no, nobody can't live in LA if they want to and can.

Speaker 1: 22:31

So I will just say try to remember that like it's fun to live here, there's a lot of perks, like I absolutely adore the fact that, like I can go to a restaurant 11 PM and you know, sometimes I get invited to cool things and that was never going to happen to me in New Mexico just because the environment wasn't really there. Like most restaurants close at like eight or nine. It's fun here, but just don't take it that seriously. Like it's just not that deep and like reality is still reality and enjoy the fruits, but don't get taken over. So you know, that's what I have to say about the training wheels falling off slowly. The longer you live here, the more A you become used to it and B like you're just kind of like rolling with it, and I hope you don't lose sight or as well me, don't lose sight of just the other things that happen in our life.

Speaker 1: 23:22

So, guys, we'll see you next Tuesday. Thank you so much for listening to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl. Don't forget to rate and subscribe to the show. As always, we'll see you next Tuesday. Bye.