Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl
Real Talk đź’Ť Bridal Era Part 2: Perfect Venues, Bachelorette Honesty, Tips, and Wedding TikTok Guilty
Ever wondered how to blend joy, tradition, and modern pressures into your dream wedding? Steph, Rachel, and I have, and we're sharing all our secrets to navigating the wedding planning From venue hunts and dress dilemmas to bachelorette party shenanigans, you'll see it's about the journey as much as the 'I dos'—with all its laughs, sighs, and a touch of guilt.
Pour some bubbly and join us—this isn't just a podcast episode is for all those looking to kick off their bridal era!
Stephanie Cardenas's IG:
@stephhcardenas
Stephanie Cardenas's Tiktok:
@stephhhcardenas
Rachel Schwab aka Just Because It's Pretty's IG:
@justbecauseitspretty
Rachel Schwab aka Just Because It's Pretty TikTok:
@justbecauseitspretty
You can watch the full episodes on our Youtube
Youtube - Confessionsofawannabeitgirl
Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl’s TikTok:
@wannabeitgirlpodcast
Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl’s IG:
@confessionsofawannabeitgirl
Ever wondered how to blend joy, tradition, and modern pressures into your dream wedding? Steph, Rachel, and I have, and we're sharing all our secrets to navigating the wedding planning From venue hunts and dress dilemmas to bachelorette party shenanigans, you'll see it's about the journey as much as the 'I dos'—with all its laughs, sighs, and a touch of guilt.
Pour some bubbly and join us—this isn't just a podcast episode is for all those looking to kick off their bridal era!
Stephanie Cardenas's IG:
@stephhcardenas
Stephanie Cardenas's Tiktok:
@stephhhcardenas
Rachel Schwab aka Just Because It's Pretty's IG:
@justbecauseitspretty
Rachel Schwab aka Just Because It's Pretty TikTok:
@justbecauseitspretty
You can watch the full episodes on our Youtube
Youtube - Confessionsofawannabeitgirl
Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl’s TikTok:
@wannabeitgirlpodcast
Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl’s IG:
@confessionsofawannabeitgirl
Hi guys and welcome back to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl, our bridal episodes. I'm so excited to have my girlies, steph and Rachel, back for our second part of this series about all things wedding. We are diving into the juicy secrets of your wedding, of who you include in the planning, maybe who you don't. All the good things we touch on picking venues, how to know when it was the right venue. We even touch on picking venues how to know when it was the right venue. We even touch on planning your batch. And, of course, something I'm loving to see be talked about is, like bridesmaids transparency, bachelorette transparency. You know we're really diving in to a little bit of what we would say is some TikTok drama about the wedding industry and how bridal era has gotten out of control. And, of course, we talk a little bit about our wedding guilt and how you know being in a wedding or being a bride, we see this huge controversy on TikTok and it really comes down to just be a good freaking friend. So I am so excited to keep chit-chatting and gossiping about all things wedding.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl. I'm your host, marley Fregging, and I'm here to help you filter out all the bullshit and become the next it Girl. This podcast explores the reality of what it really takes to make it out there. As it turns out, it is way less Instagrammable than I thought it was going to be. I'm still very much a work in progress, but there's simply nothing else I'd rather be doing than chasing my dreams. So let's learn from my mistakes and work together to achieve our dreams with more confidence, clarity and direction. Let's get after it. We're back and we're talking about planning our weddings. So, in the planning process, are you guys keeping this shit very close to your heart, not sharing with anybody, or are you, like, open to the committee of sharing? Because I have teeter-tottered between both and I have regrets.
Speaker 2:I think the goal I set was to not tell anyone literally anything. So that's the goal. That's a good goal.
Speaker 1:I didn't think that much ahead? No, but then I would teeter you didn't make that goal for yourself.
Speaker 2:But I think everyone still teeters. I would kind of push it to see what response I'll get, because, as much as I'm a person who's very sure about themselves, I still have perfectionist, people-pleasing tendencies, and there's nothing wrong with that, unless it starts, obviously messing with your mental health and your whatever. But me and my fiance have kept our cards really close to ourselves. I would say 80% of everything has just been between us. The only other times we've had, you know, ask some questions here and there. Based on that reaction, we'll be like okay, so quite a few people that you know, I also think you know just older generations, tradition, non-tradition, like you just don't know what people think. Everyone has an opinion, literally everyone, even the people you don't. Everyone has one. And like the worst thing you could do is just like open up that Pandora's box of opinions. So, um, it's okay, I feel like it's okay to ask here and there, and then you learn your lesson and you're like I will never fucking do that, ever again.
Speaker 2:And then you back it up girl, and then you keep it to yourself and your fiance, cause I've been there yeah.
Speaker 1:I feel like we, from what I was picking up, from what you were putting down. I feel like we, from what I was picking up, from what you were putting down. It's the people like older than you that you're scared to get the opinion. I'm struggling with the people, like of my peers, I'm like, oh, I'm like I've had one yeah, for once in this double episode, we're not.
Speaker 3:that's like the thing. We're not. Why can't I use my words today? The opposite, yeah yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 3:So my mom opinion for everything, like there won't be one thing at the wedding that she does not know about. Same with my immediate family. Like one of my brothers will probably be more involved than the other brother in it, just because he loves this stuff and that just yeah, it just he loves it and so like, with the two of them happy to share anything. Same with my fiance's immediate family. But, like, honestly, my mom and I are really the ones planning it all. I love my fiance so much he's going to show up. His one request was that we do do the wedding cake so I share it with him, but it would be fine if I did so you're dealing with the classic absent groom.
Speaker 3:Exactly and you know what. It's great because I'm going to make it exactly how I want it, with him in mind, and he's going to be so happy and show up and be like let's get married. But what we were saying earlier, I feel like I haven't nothing against my friends. I haven't really shared much about like making decisions, asking opinions and things for the wedding from my friends. I think half of it, because if someone asked me this two years ago, I wouldn't know anything. So for friends who aren't going through this, like I don't know, I wouldn't know how to give an informed opinion and also I don't know, I kind of want it to be a surprise and special and I don't. I keep it all. I feel like when I plan things, I usually keep it to myself. The only time where I feel the opposite about that is the bachelorette, because people are paying to go on it. Like let's be realistic, like you want them to enjoy it as well. So I like even I I literally sent out a survey Would you rather go here or?
Speaker 1:here Like yeah.
Speaker 2:I didn't do that I should have done that.
Speaker 3:I got to stop people, but no, I think that's special. Yeah, you're being considerate Exactly Things that are involving them and directly impacting them. I'm asking their opinion, things that are about the wedding, nothing about them. They're going to show up and see it.
Speaker 1:I love that. I kind of feel like I'm actually maybe the blend of you two a little bit. I kind of I have it planned. Let's get into how fucking neurotic I am. Really quick, I have seven pages of TikTok notes. Currently. I have two collections saved on my phone, part one, part two. I will drop them after my wedding for the public. I've decided that is my duty.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, to give people these notes Um cause I've spent hours typing out the spark notes of what's in the Tik TOK, and then the Tik TOK is linked there for reference.
Speaker 3:You should sell that on, I should sell that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, um, we'll talk Um, but so I'm giving um, every bridesmaid one thing to kind of be involved in, but like that's kind of only the one thing. I love that and everything else I'm kind of staying like reserved with and I'm a chronic oversharer. So like this is new for me.
Speaker 2:That's me, yeah, like this is. These are waters I've never been in because I share my own life.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Well.
Speaker 3:I even think with the wedding dress, like you want to show everyone, but you don't want to show anyone but you like you just made the biggest purchase, like you're never buying that nice of a dress again.
Speaker 1:Wait, I struggle, okay, I'm, no, I'm really struggling.
Speaker 2:I'm actually struggling. My fiance was literally so upset because I don't know who it was, but I was like showing someone and he's like, stop showing everyone your wedding dress. And I'm like. And he's like, stop showing everyone your wedding dress. And I'm like, but I don't care, like I'm so happy.
Speaker 3:I love it. It's so pretty.
Speaker 2:And he's like, but I mean, I haven't shown him Like I know he's the most important one. I guess that's why I like kind of don't care, because I'm like sure, social media and all this stuff, but maybe I'm just I don't know, I've just I want to show you like I'm going to show you guys.
Speaker 1:So I'm just like, yeah, I'm going to show you guys, because this feels like bathroom girl, of course, yeah yeah, I feel like the rule is, if they're not there at the wedding, they can see it, because otherwise it should be the surprise, like walking down the aisle.
Speaker 2:Totally. I feel like I've kept it to that. Yeah, I don't you know, but it's like the girl who I frequent a coffee shop, like she's not coming.
Speaker 1:She's not coming, so I showed her I love that for you, yeah.
Speaker 3:You have to get it out to someone To someone.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:Someone's got to know.
Speaker 2:And like she'll see it on Instagram, but it's like still Like I wanted to show her like the moment I put it on.
Speaker 1:I can't wait for her. Not, I'd say we're 80% in. It's going to be the dress. I'm not showing anybody, but my mom, my future sister-in-law she was at the appointment. Yeah, and that's it. Now I'm like we're cut. I showed everybody else everything and now I'm done. I learned my lesson. I don't want anyone else to see it. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I literally did the same thing. Yeah, soon to be.
Speaker 1:That was just for the girls, but we talked about your bachelorette, surveying the bachelorette. You have 10 going to Columbia. Where are you going? How many? What's the vibes we need to talk about? Handling bachelorettes, budgets, feelings, sass, emotion, all the things.
Speaker 3:I'm nauseous saying it Same. I invited 30, 30 people.
Speaker 1:I think I'm going to be like you.
Speaker 3:Like, and the thing is it wouldn't be right if I did not invite any single one of those people. That's why I said I had a lot of issues with the whole bridesmaid things Back to that. So I sent out a very long text being like this is a physical, mental, financial commitment. There is no pressure. I know you all are coming to the wedding no pressure. I only got two no's and I was like you guys really don't have to do this. I'm like I don't know how I'm going to plan this. You really don't have to. I'm like I don't know how I'm going to plan this, like you really don't have to. But decided on the Bahamas, going to do the SLS there, partly because it's a pink hotel, partly because everything's like in the hotel, easy to get to from New York, quick flight, and I figured with that many people I tried finding houses anywhere in the world.
Speaker 2:There's no way.
Speaker 3:Anywhere it doesn't exist. Figured so with that many people, I tried finding houses anywhere in the world. Anywhere there it doesn't exist. I I could not find a house for 30 girls. It's ridiculous and I thought it just like can you imagine stocking a fridge for 30 girls? I was like hotel you can call down and ask for water, literally true, so that's the current vibes. Um, I've booked it, but I haven't like done all the things with everyone yet. If that makes sense.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so far any wins or regrets with planning the bachelorette.
Speaker 3:Wins or regrets?
Speaker 1:That's a good question, yeah it sounds like you gave a lot of notice.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, I gave a lot of notice. It was like almost a year. It was really like 10 months. I was like it's a lot and like people they won't really have to travel to my wedding They'll have to drive or take a train, but like other than that it's a lot. And I have a lot of friends who are teachers Like they don't really get a lot of off days. It's crazy. So, like different things like that, and I also, if you can't tell, I love to plan in advance. So I'm like, for my own mental sanity, I need this weekend picked and done, I'm going that weekend and I will plan it for that weekend. But I'm also working with Batch Boss, if you've seen them on Instagram.
Speaker 1:Yes, they were on the podcast. Yay, oh, they were.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I didn't see them, just like the week they launched oh my God, yeah, that's so funny, yeah, okay, continue Tell us plug Vatch Boss.
Speaker 1:We love Vatch Boss. Friend of the podcast too.
Speaker 3:We love Vatch Boss. They booked the rooms for me and we haven't gotten much further with Rachel. It's been so long and she wants to plan it already. I'm like I'm anxious, but they're amazing. I was like I don't know how I'm going to figure out like payments and Venmos for this many people and meals and whatnot. They handle it all and I'm so grateful and they haven't even done it yet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so new to the podcast, batch Boss is an amazing concierge service that, like, helps you plan your bachelor or bachelorette. They do both men and women, so Rachel's using them Love that.
Speaker 3:Amazing. I'm using them, thrilled about it. They're the best and I'm so excited for all the fun stuff we're going to do. They're very detail-oriented people, which we love, love. It's all about the details Stuff spill about the Bachelorette.
Speaker 1:Okay, I regret.
Speaker 2:Tips wins. I was already talking about it pretty in advance, but I would say I told everyone, like for sure, end of January of this year and we went in May, and the only reason why is because I had already brought it up months before. That was just more of like finalizing everything Exactly, and so I reached out to, honestly, honestly, I would say, quite a few it was probably around like 20, 25 people, thinking most people wouldn't be able to make it, because, same I have a lot of teacher friends, um, a lot of friends that are just like either in between jobs or like I don't know so many life things that I was just like. Let me just ask long, long text message asking all the things. Also, no pressure, we're still if you are on TikTok, if you're on bridal TikTok and you're listening, which we all are.
Speaker 2:Yes, we all are. But if you're on the side where it's all the hating, all the, hating on the side.
Speaker 2:I personally think the issue is not bridal culture. Sure, it has gone a little crazy, but I don't think that's the issue. It's a rude issue. You have shitty friends. That is the rude issue, whether bride or bridesmaid, because as a bride, I made sure to ask, like, as did Rachel, if you can, I would love, if you could, if not, don't come. And if not, they said no and I said I love you, we'll still be friends, we're still friends and I don't. Nothing's going to change. Exactly Like the only reason I could think of to be like a crazy person would be like if they committed and then, like last minute, they were like sorry, yeah, that's literally the only thing I could think of, but anyone would, bright or not, bride, it happens. Yeah, on a trip. So yeah, I was very understanding. I had friends that were like I can either go to the wedding or I can go to this, and I said come to the wedding, I get it.
Speaker 1:Sounds like you have good friends who are straight up.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the wedding is more important.
Speaker 2:Exactly, straight up is the best part. All my friends like I hope I cultivate a space where that is allowed because there's for you to you know they didn't have to tell me their life story.
Speaker 1:They didn't even have to tell me they couldn't afford it or anything like that you can just say no, they just.
Speaker 3:Some were like.
Speaker 2:Politely. Oh my God, I had two friends, my bestest friends too. I am a little heartbroken that they can't come, but they were like. We bought tickets to see Taylor Swift in Paris a year ago and I went valid, it's okay, like what are you going to do?
Speaker 3:Yeah, and.
Speaker 2:I wasn't going to freak out and cry over it.
Speaker 3:They're going to be at the wedding, it's not like they planned it afterwards and they were like let's boycott the bachelorette. Sorry, exactly, let's go to the bachelorette.
Speaker 2:Parents.
Speaker 1:Taylor Swift is the real way to get back at her?
Speaker 2:No, I would. Literally. That would be the only reason. So I feel like the root of the problem is shitty friends. So back to our point though, or what I was saying. So for my batch yeah, let everyone know and my family's from Colombia. I'm born here, but my cousin, born and raised in Colombia, and one of the girls coming on the trip, one of my best friends, Laura, she's also born and raised in Cartagena Barranquilla area, so she already knew the area we were going to too. So I was like great, two people I can reference. My father also lives in Columbia, so, for like cost purposes, I called him up and I was like hey, dad, me and the girls will be there. And he was like I'm bringing the van, I'm driving you girls everywhere You'll be fine, I'm so jealous, yeah, so I was like great Dad's there.
Speaker 3:I wish I had a family member in the house.
Speaker 2:No, my dad just yeah, he's been there for a few years, so I was like might as well hang out with my dad, who will not be at my wedding, so I'll be happy to spend that time with him too. My friends are going to meet him, it would be. I just thought it'd be a nice little moment. But he was like I'll be there, don't worry guys, we got the sickest mansion villa, oh my God. Also, if you don't know, columbia is way cheaper. Such a better price.
Speaker 1:It's way cheaper guys, I'm going to a wedding there, so we got to kiki about that, a lot of people.
Speaker 2:You got to chit chat. Cartagena is the place to be guys. I'm not joking, it is so affordable I'll show you. But I'm staying in. It's called Casa de Iglesia, so it's literally this. It just fits the whole vibe of my wedding. I love thinking about it, but it's like an old school, catholic looking Spanish villa slash church vibe. It's stunning. So, anyway, I showed all my friends. They were all like immediately, yes, like the ones who could go were like, absolutely, for how much we're going? And it comes with breakfast included. It came with private security. I told them about my dad. They were like, great, he'll be a part of this. Like, we got him.
Speaker 2:It is walking distance from everything. Damn, because, guys, that is such a luxury. I went to Tulum for my besties batch, love her, but the walking killed us. Like there was quite a, there's quite a lot of walking, I get it. I was like, guys, we are literally two feet from everything, like it is just right there at the door. We just got to go to the restaurants or this. Oh, I'm so jealous. All the like luxury boat tour stuff. I knew I wanted to do something fun and that's going to be my gift to my friends for coming and committing to come to my wedding and a bachelorette. I was like I will cover this boat day on Saturday Not that like it was anything crazy, because Columbia has amazing prices, so I was like, but still it's the thought and like the effort.
Speaker 1:That's very sweet.
Speaker 2:I was like Like all the goodies. Thankfully I'm working with some amazing brands too. Like got some new things from like Vacation. You know all their sunblock stuff.
Speaker 3:That's on my list for that. Oh my God, do it.
Speaker 2:The cutest little things and like I worked with a lot of latino small businesses too for my stuff, because I feel like I wanted to amplify some of that. So, yeah, goodies for all my friends, yeah, and then, um, the saturday will be like our boat day. But, yeah, everyone seems super freaking excited and they're all like when are we ever going to go to columbia? Like you know, it's a girl's trip.
Speaker 1:With somebody who knows it.
Speaker 2:With someone who knows it. Yeah, With a family member who's driving you everywhere. You know you don't have to worry about all this stuff Not have to plan a thing.
Speaker 3:Exactly Just show up and have fun.
Speaker 2:And food's like already or Ali's.
Speaker 1:So the big takeaway is, I'm hearing is giving lots of notice, yeah, throwing in like maybe a little bit of a thank you into it and really just like you already had it so figured out. You had it so figured out via Batch Boss Like this is where we'll stay Presenting it, with people being like hey, not like On.
Speaker 2:Canva, are you free? I?
Speaker 1:did it on Canva. You want to pull it together for me? This is you. You know like, don't push it on your friends to plan it completely. It sounds like we're all have a little bit of like we like to plan.
Speaker 1:We're in control it's very clear, all three of us are very in control it's but the presentation matters, like how you pose it to your friends, like, please drop a lot of money on me to go do this thing. Yes, how you present that to them is gonna matter, and it has your name on it and like we're also in the social media space.
Speaker 2:So I feel like it's really hard to let go of that. Like I can't, I literally can't. I'm like my name is everywhere and I'm the least social media out of this group and I'm like nope, no, yeah, I needed to be in control. I feel a lot better when I'm in control. I think my cousin she just handled the translation because we needed WhatsApp and stuff and I was like I have it. But I was like girl, can you just do it? And she was like I'll do it. We love that for her.
Speaker 3:So did you help do the other stuff.
Speaker 2:I guess, like you found the Airbnb. No, quite literally everything else has been me.
Speaker 3:That's going to be me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yep, exactly I do it all.
Speaker 3:That's literally going to do all of that and I don't know. I would feel guilty Again. The people-pleasing has got to stop. I would feel guilty putting that on a friend, because it's a lot to ask a friend to plan a trip for this many girls and make it exactly how you want it and drop a lot of money and deal with all the personalities and like figure it out.
Speaker 1:Tailor your expectations because I agree. Like, if that, if you want to be the friend to do that, that's totally cool. Like that's a way to do this. But tailor your expectations Like they can't read your mind, they don't live in their brain, they're working a job too Like so we kind of like pick your poison here. Yeah, pick your poison about which way you're going to want this.
Speaker 2:I would, with the opinions For sure help, yeah, with the opinions that we were talking about earlier. I would say there, uh, my fiance has an older cousin and I remember she asked me about my batch. A week ago I saw her and she was truthfully like baffled because she goes wait, you're made of honor, didn't plan the whole thing and pay for it all, and that's where, but not in a like bad way like she was.
Speaker 3:That was her experience, right, and I was like wait people like actually do that.
Speaker 2:And she was like no, that is the way it's supposed to be. I was shook, I went no way. In hell, that's my cousin. I would never ask that of her, and if you're doing it, don't it's okay if that's your.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but if you do it Relationship, it's a different situation, exactly In the situation I'm dreaming of that's not working.
Speaker 3:You know, this is the one time in my life I was like it's so unfortunate I don't have a sister, because I'm the one person.
Speaker 2:Because theoretically I would be like If I had a sister. I'm like I know how much you make you better. Sorry, sister, you're like you can do it.
Speaker 3:But I don't.
Speaker 2:So we're stuck doing it ourselves.
Speaker 3:That is the one person. I personally would be like go for it.
Speaker 2:I'll see you there no shame.
Speaker 3:See you there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to turn the conversation back to wedding TikTok. I don't know if you guys have seen this wedding TikTok.
Speaker 3:Sounds.
Speaker 1:I don't know if you guys have seen this wedding TikTok Sounds like it's kind of close to shitting on the bride. On Bachelorette's, though, have you seen?
Speaker 2:the wedding guilt. Tiktok, that's on me. Yeah, it will be like.
Speaker 1:Give a bit more info. Yeah, sure, so it will be. Usually it's a slide just setting the stage. Here they're talking about something they feel guilty about having in their wedding. Like I spent X amount on photo and you know, but like, or this much on wedding. Like, how are you navigating any guilt or drama, negativity, any things that you were? Like I don't care how expensive it is, I'm balling out on it because it's important to me. Minus photo and video, we balled out that it was important.
Speaker 3:Important memories.
Speaker 1:I'm not a flower girly, that's probably where I'm going to juxtapose it. So I want to hear your guys'.
Speaker 2:Okay, the guilt. So not only Like, let's get into it. Yeah, okay, guys, not only am I a 2024 bride, but I'm also like the eldest daughter in a Latina family trope. So a lot of guilt. Guilt is my middle name.
Speaker 2:I am consistently filled with guilt, especially being a first gen girl too. So, yeah, all these titles I'll keep going, but no, I think for our wedding, kind of like how you said, the beauty about tradition sure is like there's so much to it, right, it's like history and all these things with your family. But I also think the beauty of going non-traditional or traditional to you it's like you get a pick. You're like I'm not that, so I'm not going to do that, and I feel like for us, that was my venue. That was like one of the first things I can remember being like, okay, I kind of not necessarily ball out, but I was like my venue, that I finally decided the place. I walked in and was like, oh, I can get married, because before the other venues I was like I don't see myself getting married. We were this close to a lobby.
Speaker 2:Because I was like it's pretty, but it ain't it. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Why am I spending so much money?
Speaker 2:on it.
Speaker 3:Literally I was just like okay, I don't get that feeling that people get you know kind of like with your dresses. I didn't get that. Just once again, I'm throwing it off.
Speaker 1:That's funny because I did for that. I visited one venue. That was it. We'll go there, we're going there.
Speaker 2:Next it was literally my last one. And yeah, I got that feeling. But the price was obviously it was out of what we were originally looking for. But I was like this place is so beautiful that I will have to do the bare minimum for everything else, because it's so beautiful, because a lot of places you have to kind of make beautiful with the flowers, with the chargers, with the everything my dream guys like on my Pinterest board was like I wanted to give, like this is our estate and we're just having a backyard wedding.
Speaker 2:That was the vibe I wanted.
Speaker 1:But it's still an estate. Vibe, I was about to say I've seen some photos on your story, like it looks great, but I think that's what I wanted to give myself.
Speaker 2:So the guilt of that is because I have such like. I'm such a creative person and when I had this vision and I found the place and I felt I really fell in love with my venue, probably more than my wedding dress. I just loved it so much. It felt like the thing you dream about, like I've got that feeling for my venue. Crazy, but it just feels out of this world. It's only 30 minutes here, it's like in Sierra Madre.
Speaker 3:Wait, that's not crazy. That's not crazy. Don't say that, thank you.
Speaker 2:But I never thought I would get to this point. So, honestly, my whole process has been very guilt trippy but I just try to fight it because I'm like I am deserving of this, regardless of the financial aspect of it. But like within a realistic realm, um, me and my fiance are give this is a gift to ourselves. Essentially, Like it is fully I would say, 90% on us. Like we had some help here and there, but it was definitely not what most people get. Um, and so, yeah, I think, when we sat down and we're like, okay, are we going to do this? Like I still feel the guilt but I keep telling myself like this is kind of a gift to you, Stephanie. I've never celebrated things in my life, so I didn't have a quinceañera or a sweet 16 like most people do, Didn't celebrate my college graduation. It was kind of just expected, Like we had a little thing, but it wasn't like good, Like that's how it should be you want to be a child.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you graduate in college. Yeah, as you should, or else you'll be in history.
Speaker 2:And I'm the only girl and the middle child, so I'm just like forgotten right at all times. And so for this wedding, like I think I've definitely been on that side of TikTok I do cry a lot and there's a lot of moments where I'm like, what are we doing? We love the wedding cry, yeah, but I think like at the end of the day it is cheesy but it's so true, like I'm so excited for that day because I know, like our hard work that we put towards it. Oh my God, yeah, like I'm like this was blood, sweat and tears.
Speaker 2:But it was also like, also like thank you to my fiance for being like you've always been put second or last. And he was like this is your time to shine, babe, like we're doing it. Cause I was like I'm fine with the low pain, I'm fine with being invisible, I'm fine with not doing anything. And he was like hell, no, you're doing it. So, anyway, but still very much skilled, like I just try to not ask anyone any questions or ask for their opinions because you like my mom with the cake.
Speaker 2:I'll never forget it. Also, like I said, my mom never got married guys Like she has no idea, she just is going based off of like telenovelas or something, but she was.
Speaker 2:I was like I want like a little cake, simple, small cutie, just for us. And she's like you're not doing a 10-tier classic. I go girl, girl, show me yours, show me the one you got. And then maybe I'll think and she was like well, I didn't get married. I'm like exactly so, we're not gonna do that, we're gonna do the BB one. I love you so much, but she's like, but you know so, and so did I'm like, girl, it's a cake you gotta let it go and now I was like looking at her cake and I'm like, am I doing something?
Speaker 1:I feel like no one gives a shit about the cake. Who cares? No one gives a shit. And I'm so excited. I think I was already invested in your wedding through my eyeballs on the cell phone screen. You're so sweet. Now I'm doubly invested, that is. I'm just, I'm beyond with your fiancé. That is so sweet and I'm just so happy for you and are we going to cry?
Speaker 2:No, I'm not going to cry.
Speaker 1:I don't think I've ever cried on the podcast Okay good, we're not going to say today. I'm sure he's like maybe I've cried because the audio has gotten deleted.
Speaker 3:You know what? I would cry over that too, yeah.
Speaker 1:Rachel, give us your wedding guilt, icks or any of the navigating drama, any of the things.
Speaker 3:Yes, okay, I would say I haven't felt that way about anything until I found my wedding dress, because when I was trying to rationalize it in my head, I was like I mean, this is the dress. There's no other dress that I like, not that I like that. I mean this is the dress. There's no other dress that I like, like, not that, I like that, I love, like that, I feel this way in, but it's so much money to wear it once. For how many hours? Four, five, six, and then I'll probably change into like a short little dress to dance, like what, and then it just sits in a box until, hopefully, I have a daughter and she wants to see it, and then it goes back into the box.
Speaker 1:And then you're like so I don't really like that or she might hate it Right.
Speaker 3:I am actually wearing my mom's dress to our rehearsal dinner, but I'm changing it a little, but.
Speaker 3:I'm like there we go. That is the one thing I have felt guilty about, because I cannot wrap my mind around it. But I'm like there we go. That is the one thing I have felt guilty about, because I cannot wrap my mind around it, but I guess I did not feel guilty enough not to do it. Yeah, you still got it. I got the dress Because I got the dress. But that is the one thing that I was like holy shit, like this makes no sense. Yeah, like the venue, that's a valid one. You're there the whole time.
Speaker 2:Like yeah, like, like the venue. You're there the whole time. Like you need that, like you need the venue.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the venue, everyone's in it. You need the food, you need that. People gotta eat. Yeah right, I'm a flower girly, so, like that's. And going back to before, where you were saying how, like, you're not as much of a flower girl so if you spent it, this in versus that, I'm kind of facing the issue where it's all seeming to be important, valid, valid.
Speaker 1:I've yet to run into that one.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like, yeah. So I've got to work on that, but I actually posted something on my not my TikTok, my Instagram. I reposted it. I have to get the exact same, but it was like I'm a simple bride, like a bride who just wants it Everything. Yeah, that feels right. That's funny, but yes.
Speaker 1:If you had to coin yourself guilt only with the dress I'm. I'm giving guilt into the photo because I think it's ridiculous. But again, coming from production, acting social media, a little bit.
Speaker 3:And then I'm like are your memories? I can't, I'm taking away your guilt.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have a little bit of guilt because it was ridiculous and I super did not expect it to be as expensive as it was compared to other people's. I'm walking away with a steal, but I still gasped. Oh she gasped. I mean all of the vendors are crazy, they're crazy. I'm getting an 8mm film. It's all crazy. What am I going to do?
Speaker 2:I'm getting Super 8 as well.
Speaker 1:Oh, you are, you're getting Super 8? Yep.
Speaker 3:No and I.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say, because yours was dress right and yours was your photo video.
Speaker 3:The price of video and photo.
Speaker 2:I honestly would is like I feel like you, I would say.
Speaker 3:both of you come from families who do weddings often, yes, very much so Like truthfully, the only Like yeah, my brother's getting married next week.
Speaker 2:He's exactly Like the only other weddings I've been to that I would say were like similar would be my fiance's sister. He comes from a big like Southern, traditional Christian, like family and weddings are big deals, yeah, but for my side this is like, and the pressure is there because my cousins, you know, my aunts, they're like, they're all making an effort to come, because they're like we never do this.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and they want to stay yeah.
Speaker 2:They're like you got a villa for what? What Huh? Oh, you're getting married like this.
Speaker 1:So I think in general, but that's important to acknowledge, but that's important to acknowledge like, yes, like I'm your child, you both still have siblings.
Speaker 3:I'm an only child.
Speaker 1:They're like ball out, roll out, you know whatever, like we got one kid, no, but this is our time, but this is very real, like expectations are very different because of how you grew up, and literally everyone's different, and that's why you know I wanted to make this. A round table is really get like a little bit of I love all the perspectives.
Speaker 2:it's been so I know to just hear everyone's like different perspective.
Speaker 1:I agree that being said, I got it Cause, just cause. I feel like we got to touch on how you felt a certain way about your venue. You felt a certain way about your venue and I was kind of like maybe I'm just like too neurotic and when I'm at peace means we're good. I don't have these like I had a venue break my heart too, so I had a venue.
Speaker 2:You had a low, not a high. I had a deep, deep low and I was like you want how much?
Speaker 1:Literally, go fuck yourself Same thing Just opposite feeling, opposite feeling Anyway. So I want to know the feeling of the venue real quick.
Speaker 3:I've said it 10,000 times my brother's getting married next week. So I was very lucky. My mom, kind of, was involved in planning their wedding as well. So she went on a lot of tours with them in the area where we grew up with. Our fiances grew up nearby as well, so like she knew what was happening and she went to one place with them and when they were there they were like oh, rachel should get married here, like not us. And I was like and whatever? For a second I thought I was going to get married here, not us. I was like whatever. For a second I thought I was going to get married in Florida. Ended up not happening. Then my mom and I went one day and we were like, yep, this is it, we're going to get married here. It's like 50 minutes from my house. My fiance is middle of nowhere. Everyone can sleep there. It's like an old castle mansion aesthetic that they redid recently, like they just built Do you? Why? Would you know a Philly?
Speaker 2:venue. Oh, it's a Philly venue. I thought it was going to be.
Speaker 3:Oh, it's not, because I looked at that You're like girl.
Speaker 2:I almost got that one, that one's beautiful. Taylor Swift filming a music video there. I know it's exactly what I was thinking of that continue.
Speaker 3:Um, I know I did look but I was like but it's in new york. I don't have family, like no one lives in new york, like that makes no sense, and I think that the inside wasn't I don't know. But so, yeah, I saw it. I was like cool, let's do it. But so, yeah, I saw what. I was like cool, let's do it. And did you cry.
Speaker 1:It was chill.
Speaker 3:It was chill. It was chill. We were just like I'm going to get married here, I love that I was like.
Speaker 2:this is it.
Speaker 3:We don't need to look again.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's sweet. And you, when you found it, you obviously had this huge like this, is it?
Speaker 2:I did, yeah, which is I feel like I'm more like you, Like sometimes I'm so like go, go, go, go go, Let me get this shit done. Like I don't have time to process emotion. So then I'm like I look very cold and stale, and then when I'm alone, like by myself, I'm just like, and then, but it's like after everything's like good. Yeah, but I would say, yeah, I was so on the like elope train and we had just finished our engagement party. We had it last year in February, I believe, and then we started looking at venues like right after. But it was a lot of pressure from my fiance's parents because they were kind of like is that going to happen, is it not?
Speaker 3:And on my side like are you not getting married?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was just like, well, we just give us a second. We just got engaged, so we were kind of taking our time and then we saw two and I was like they're great, they're fine, um, and then, yeah, I was with my fiance when we went to go look for it. I found it like it was. It's not an actual like wedding venue, um, so, fun fact and a good hack for my brides to bees, don't always search up something that is a wedding venue. Mine is actually a school that so happens to do weddings on the weekends, or I guess, like Greystone Mansion, could be one of those considered it's like a historic landmark, but not necessarily.
Speaker 1:There's a bunch of libraries you can get married at, exactly.
Speaker 3:They turn out to be the prettiest school.
Speaker 2:No, it literally is. It's used on I would have never known it was a school. It's literally used on set for so many things. I actually saw it on the Morning Show. That's so cool.
Speaker 3:It's.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, if you guys watch the Morning Show, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Steve Carell's Italian villa Is the Shut up. No way, that's where you're getting married.
Speaker 2:Yes, and you know, the price was me thinking they went to Italy to film that though.
Speaker 2:Literally, and I was like this isn't Sierra Madre and I, I fricking booked it Cause you can't just book it Like homegirl does not answer her phone in order to contact them. It's like, strategically, through email, you got to find like the right email and so I just so happened to do it, so much so that people were commenting on Tik TOK, going how the hell did you even get an appointment? I haven't even been able to get an answer back. I was like oh wow.
Speaker 1:I really did something. Yeah, I was like oh, okay.
Speaker 2:So yeah, when I walk and you roll in, you don't even hear the outside neighborhood. It's in a neighborhood and that's where my fiance said the whole thing he goes we need to get married here. You need to have this moment. I want to have this moment with you. I want to have this moment with you. I want to have my moment too. And when you just see it, we were like that's our ceremony area. I cried and he is an emotional guy, but he looked at me, guy, and he was like, oh my gosh, this is it we're doing. We're having a wedding. That was, like I would say, probably the most special moment we've had so far, cause I was like it's just, the place was overwhelming's so pretty.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we looked at a lot of venues in my thing and my oh, it took us. I remember talking about that with you.
Speaker 1:I had texted both of or dm both of you being like what fucking venues are you guys looking?
Speaker 3:at because I was.
Speaker 1:I was looking at new york at this point that's how desperate which I do have family who lives on the east coast. You're, he would have been like marley you've never lived in New York, but like okay, no, I was going to do the same.
Speaker 2:I thought the Plaza Hotel, like I was going straight up like Bride Wars.
Speaker 1:I really went up and down with venues. I had one break my heart. I thought it was in, I could see it, I could vision it and the like I don't. I was looking at a lot of hotels, hotels like a lot of them package if they're bigger hotels like Hilton's or whatnot that hot name brand, they'll package it.
Speaker 1:So it's like you get this ceremony site with this cocktail hour and then this ballroom, and you can't a lot of them. You can't mix and match and if you do, you have to basically buy them out. And we saw this ballroom at this one hotel and I'd seen influencers and people get married there. Which one? It's? The Waldorf Astoria Laguna.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know what you're trying to tell me that ballroom is the ugliest thing I have ever fucking seen. Every luxury, I don't even care. Come at me, you were rude to me. I mean they were and they were. But like every luxury like wedding Is there, is there. Every luxury like wedding is there. I put is there. They completely recarpet it like they bring in carpet it's so ugly I know someone doing that like yeah, but they make it into a whole new room, the, but to have this shit ballroom and the price.
Speaker 3:I was like that's my entire yeah, budget, yeah yeah, yeah, that's all of it, just for the carpet, I'm coming naked Just for the carpet.
Speaker 1:I'm coming naked for that carpet. So we had to walk away from it. But yeah, so it did take me a roller coaster, but when I did find the venue, I will say I couldn't shut up about it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was like I can't shut up about it. I love that for mean anything. But the weirdest part is I'm an emotional girly. I keep thinking I'm going to cry.
Speaker 1:I don't cry. I don't know. I'm a sad girl, but there's times where I get emotional. Maybe not. I think you are. I think you're lying to us, okay, all right. Well, wait till you get those voice memos at 3 am, when I'm having a bride breakdown and I can only talk to you two. We're like, let's hear it, we'll save it for then. All right, I want to leave on a note of giving our brides to be, or brides who are stressing out, planning Like if you were to start the whole process different, steph. You are so close to the finish line.
Speaker 3:Rachel and I are eking in with these engagements.
Speaker 1:What would you maybe do differently? Or, you know, something you wish you had done earlier, just like for the girlies getting started.
Speaker 2:Okay. So I think I would have saved. If you know for sure you want to have a wedding and if you're in the position I can only speak for myself If you're in the position of where it's just you and your fiance paying for it, or some situation close enough to that, I would have said I would save. I wouldn't do this whole thing again and be like, oh my God, I regret everything. No, I'm happy with it. I just wish, with the first year, just put some money aside, just a little thing. I've also picked up side gigs in order to cover things. I would say, just start saving a little bit, if you know it's all on you and your partner. And maybe I don't know, this one's tough because I feel like I've had my Pinterest board ready since I was like, since it came out, you know like I've had my dream one.
Speaker 2:But like also, don't give up on what you want unless it's something out of your control, like that carpet, like girl that had nothing, you know. Yeah.
Speaker 3:What was I going to do? Yeah, but I think for I love that.
Speaker 2:Don't give up on what you want just because people are like why would you spend that much on that dress, why would you spend that much on whatever? At the end of the day, it's your money and people buy stupid shit every day for no reason. So, like, if you want to spend it on your wedding, do it. I would just really like commit and hone into that. Sometimes I felt like I was being swayed to fit someone else's expectations, but I'm so happy that in two months, everything that is going to be at my wedding is exactly what I wanted and I didn't budge or, like you know, sway because of X, y and Z. Like my venue, my dream place. I couldn't get married in Como, I found it in Sierra Madre. Like you know what I mean, I didn't budge, I budged the freaking, you know country.
Speaker 3:But I was like it's fine, that's okay. Yeah, I was like you were getting the same aesthetic, same vibe Same vibe, it was Italy, literally.
Speaker 2:Exactly. So I feel like that I would probably just save a and like, just commit to it. If you're having the wedding, just fully commit. Everyone's going to tell you it's a stupid idea. But, girl, I think having kids right now is kind of dumb. So so, like you know, I'd be like in this economy.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to our wedding. We can cut that great. I respect it. Love kids, we love kids, but like not everything, but not right now.
Speaker 2:I'm not having them so and I'm not planning on buying a house in LA Like there's no way right now, Pick and choose, so I'm like I'll just throw a party. Wedding venue, child yeah exactly.
Speaker 3:And, rachel, what about you? I'd say, if you are in the mental mind space before, like you know, you're maybe going to get engaged, whatever it is, and you're okay doing this. I didn't do this, and I wish I did. Start pinning on Pinterest, start thinking about what you might want, start, like, just thinking about it in general. I did not think about it one bit and then I was like, oh my goodness, I need to think about this and I don't know what I want, and you would think I was the person who had it planned out my entire life. So I don't know. Just give yourself a leg up in that way so that you're not like whoa, let me figure it out. That being said, though, do it on your own timeline, like we all are having longer engagements. If someone might want to get married in six months, great, do whatever works best for you. I didn't book my venue until months after I got engaged, like I couldn't think about it, so that would be my advice in that regard. I'd also say do whatever makes you and your fiance happy.
Speaker 3:Regarding the actual proposal and engagement, if you're in a situation where you don't need to tell anyone right away, of course, tell your parents, your siblings, whatever. Keep it to yourself for a little, like it's such a nice little bubble. We didn't tell. I didn't tell any of my friends for 24 hours. They were like texting me, like hey, what's up, how's it going, and I was like I can't answer. But it was so nice because it's so sweet. Everyone's calling you and texting you. Whatever you want to be like in the moment, in that moment, literally, you don't want to be on your phone, as nice and amazing as that is. Later on, I think that was one of the best things that we did not tell a soul. I mean, granted, no one was with us, so it was easy to do. They were all in a different country. If your fiance planned a surprise engagement party for you after, you can't do that, but I would say, if you can, it's really magical.
Speaker 2:I love that you said that, because I haven't been able to relate with someone with that. You know, I feel like it's been so. That's exactly how I feel about the engagement part. It was perfect. Also, you have like the rest of your trip to enjoy. So, like, imagine like I was, like I don't want to be texting people. Yeah, I'm still have 10 days.
Speaker 3:I also keep the good vibes going.
Speaker 2:I'm on vacation Literally.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not only will you have engagement and in your guys' both chances vacation, then you get to tell everybody and then you get a whole new wave over again.
Speaker 2:I'm all about milking this for all it's worth, literally. I remember hiding photos of my ring because people were DMing me going. They were like there's no way, it hasn't happened yet and I was like I'm not telling anyone.
Speaker 3:Good for you, but I love that for you. You held on longer than I did.
Speaker 2:I put emoji. Yeah, I didn't hang on at all, no, but I People showed up after at the engagement party? Yeah, no, they were there.
Speaker 3:Well, I was going to say we were abroad.
Speaker 2:You can't always it depends on the situation.
Speaker 3:If you're on vacation and you're not with anyone, then do it. It was a little secret like between us. It's so cute.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, exactly you just get to be in this bliss of like no one literally knows besides mom, dad and whoever, but I feel like that would.
Speaker 3:yeah, that is the best advice if you're having this, or the people at the hotel oh my gosh and the concierge is so happy.
Speaker 2:And they're like, they're engaged, they just got engaged, we got engaged at our hotel, so they were fully like immersed.
Speaker 3:It's the same thing with the wedding dress. Tell the strangers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, that's so funny because that's kind of going to be my takeaway or the tip I was going to say is like I kind of got like and I don't really regret it because my people really did come and be what I needed them to be. But there was a moment I like kind of overshared and I tried on dresses a little bit earlier. If your mom isn't leaving for a two month cruise, maybe I don't recommend trying them on that early, because it kind of like creates a weird like do I?
Speaker 1:do I pull or do I not? This would be my takeaway. It's okay to change the relationship about what you're going to share with your wedding or what you're not Like. At first I was super open Everybody's involved. Now I'm a little bit more closed. It's totally okay to change how you're doing it and maybe I'll have a breakthrough moment and be like I need everyone involved again.
Speaker 1:So I would just say that, and then also like the pressure isn't the right word, but maybe it's like the yeah, expectations overseeing, like hear it, but like learn how to hear it. And then like be like, okay, in this room I can hear that, and when I go to the bathroom it's gone and if you want it back, you can open it back up. That would be my takeaway. I mean, I still got a lot to go. I'm actually the furthest behind.
Speaker 2:So, oh my gosh, not that far behind have got a lot to go. I'm actually the furthest behind, oh my gosh. Not that far behind have zero expectations. That's a good one.
Speaker 1:Well, guys, I freaking love you both. This was exactly my dreams for this podcast and more Yay. Thank you both so much for being here and thank you, guys, so much for listening to our little bridal era round table.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me for us. This was so fun. We get to yap about the things we've been wanting to yap about. I know I've been dying to talk about this stuff.
Speaker 3:I was like I was waiting to say it all to someone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I've been waiting, and I just feel bad for everybody who can't hear what we're going to talk about off mic. So peace out, bitches. Thank you so much for listening to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl. Don't forget to rate and subscribe to the show. As always, we'll see you next Tuesday.