Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl
The podcast that delves into the raw reality of achieving your dreams. Hosted by Marley Freygang who thought she had it all figured out, the show explores the gritty details of what it really takes to "make it" in today's world. From the high-pressure demands to the relentless hustle, she shares her experiences of the less-than-instagramable side of chasing your dreams.
But it's not all doom and gloom. With refreshing honesty, she provides actionable tips and advice, aiming to empower listeners with the confidence, clarity, and direction, they need to become an “it girl”. Whether it's starting a business or breaking into a new career, each episode features unique interviews, practical advice and carefully curated insights.
So tune in to "Confessions of a Wannabe IT Girl" and join us to help filter out the BS and become the next "it girl”.
Confessions of A Wannabe It Girl
Dating Detox: Healing and Growing Stronger Post-Toxic Relationship with Taylor Eden
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Join us on for an eye-opening conversation with Taylor, who bravely shares her journey through a toxic relationship with a narcissistic partner after moving to California during the pandemic. Taylor opens up about the emotional manipulation she faced, the battle to reclaim her self-worth, and how she eventually broke free. We delve into attachment styles, the importance of setting healthy boundaries, and the steps she took to heal. This episode offers raw truths, practical advice, and hope for anyone recovering from a toxic relationship. Don't miss it!
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Navigating Narcissistic Dating Experiences
Speaker 1Hi guys and welcome back to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl , the podcast helping you filter out the BS in pursuit of becoming the next it girl , and today's episode is very much focused on how to filter out the BS . As we all know , life throws us curve balls . Things aren't as easy as they may seem and there's a lot of BS along the way , and one of those areas that we can find a lot of BS is definitely the dating world . That being said , dating and relationships can be tricky and they're not as easy as every Disney movie we watched growing up . In today's episode , I am joined by Taylor to dive into recovering from getting out of like a narcissist dating experience , but I think this is also really relates to relationships . You know , as I relate my own experience in not a dating relationship , this is an episode that is definitely a little could be a little triggering regarding emotional abuse . So just wanted to say that , but without further ado , let's dive into our healing journey .
Speaker 1Welcome to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl . I'm your host , marley Fregging , and I'm here to help you filter out all the bullshit and become the next it Girl . This podcast explores the reality of what it really takes to make it out there . As it turns out , it is way less Instagrammable than I thought it was going to be . I'm still very much a work in progress , but there's simply nothing else I'd rather be doing than chasing my dreams . So let's learn from my mistakes and work together to achieve our dreams with more confidence , clarity and direction . Let's get after it All right .
Speaker 1Welcome back to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl . And today I am joined by the lovely Taylor . Taylor , welcome to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl . Thank you very much . I'm excited , tentative , a tidbit nervous to be talking about this topic . Yet it is something I feel as though many women experience and have gone through or have had an experience in hard dating situations dealing with a narcissist , unfortunately , in their life . So we're going to dive into a lot today . So to back it up , let's give some context of your story here . Can you tell us you moved to California about four years ago and you started having ? You started dating ? You were in a situation-ship . Take it away .
Speaker 2How did we get here ? So originally , when I moved to California , I moved across the country . I drove here by myself , didn't know anyone here . One of the first people I met was this guy . Great yeah .
Speaker 1Nice and vulnerable , strong .
Speaker 2So in my mind and I had a therapist when I had moved out here . So we had agreed me and my therapist like let's just keep it very unserious , like there's too many things going on . The pandemic was happening Like there's just so much going on . That's very unsettled . Like I wasn't looking for a relationship when I first met him and I made that clear to him . But of course , they have their ways of spinning everything around and making you think that you want something that you didn't even originally want . So that's basically what happened . He was very charismatic and it was off and on in the beginning . Charismatic and it was off and on in the beginning .
Speaker 2So the first three months , something happened where he gave me an ultimatum of if I didn't have a gym membership , he wasn't going to see me Again . This is during the pandemic , so gyms weren't even open . So I was like what do you want me to do ? What gym is this guy going to ? I don't know . I literally had to ask him because he just or he had an excuse , and this happened a lot of times throughout I've I'd known him for three years . It happened a lot where he had his excuses that were valid , but mine were never valid and so I dropped it . At that point I said okay , well then you're not going to see me . Obviously I'm in the health and wellness industry . Like I have certifications in that industry . I'm obviously going to go to the gym when it opens up , and so you obviously don't care to get to know me . We're going to stop this . And then a few months later he shows up again and so we start dating , dating again Air quotes .
Speaker 2Yes , and he made it . He framed it to like I had to prove myself to be able to date him , but he also framed it to paint this beautiful picture . And now , at this time , a few months later , I'm thinking , okay , maybe , since things are more settled now , I am looking for a relationship . He is a very charismatic person . He's also a Leo like me and he's good at talking to people and he always had great energy . When I saw him in person , it was always like immediately I was like , okay , like everything's fine , I guess because you're just so nice to be around in this moment . Yes , and that's , I think , how it kind of tumbled into everything else . So there were . Now this is like where I'm going to get really vulnerable about what happened .
Speaker 2I didn't tell people this part of the situation ship relationship . It's very confusing when I even try to reference it , because I did call him my boyfriend at one point because I thought that's where it was going and it didn't . So I had to like , take that back from people that I was talking to . I was like , actually he's not my boyfriend . So I just called him like the guy that I was talking to . I was like , actually he's not my boyfriend , so I just called him like the guy that I'm dating . But since he this ties into him wanting me to go to the gym , he wanted me to gain weight .
Speaker 2So when I moved out to California , I for some reason lost weight . I'm going to be specific because it's never really bothered me , but I usually , like for the past 10 years of my life , hovered around 140 . When I got out to California , I went back to a gym in like January 2021 , where I first weighed myself and I had lost like 20 pounds , unintentionally , maybe , just from moving to a new place . There's lots of new things happening . I'm scared of the grocery store now , like the stress of living at the time .
Speaker 2Yes , so a lot of factors went into me losing that much weight and so I wanted to gain weight back , to get back to my healthy self . I'm more interested in weight training now . So a lot of things I was like , okay , this aligns , so I'm just going to go along with it . Like he gave me a specific weight goal and I met that goal and then he would give me a new one and I knew at the time that this was wrong and again , I was very open the whole time of telling him like , hey , I think this is wrong , I don't think that you should do that to people . And he would just come up with all these reasonings . And he was so confident in the way that he talked that I just , I guess , if I was shaky in my reasoning and he's not I'm going to go along with that .
Speaker 1I guess , right open to you , know different thinking or hearing other opinions , or just genuinely open , will even consider crazy things just because we're open people . I'm the same Like I'll listen to the craziest things and just be like , well , maybe I can see that point of view , and then , like it will be months , weeks , years later and I come back and I'm like , wait , that was like not good advice or that was not something I should have listened to , and so I can see how , like you know , you were just being an open person , yeah , and then on top of it he has the dangling carrot of this potential relationship on top of it , you could be everything you ever wanted
Healing From Toxic Relationships
Speaker 1Right ?
Speaker 1So did he come out straight forward and was like I want you to gain weight , or had you shared with him , like I , you know , have lost a lot of weight and I want to work towards getting back to where I was , it was probably a few months in that he shared it pretty openly .
Speaker 2He's like I think I like thicker women . I want you to get to like this weight goal .
Speaker 1So just by chance , this guy knew , like by chance , that that was also something you were like .
Speaker 2I don't know if he knew . I don't know if it's just like . That's why I went along with it at first , like maybe this does just align because you had already had the initial thought yes , like , and that's just like .
Speaker 1why are people so able to creep on , like our inner thoughts ? And I mean , maybe there had been other seeds along the way that he had tried to plant and they didn't kick with you as much as that one did because you were thinking about it . Okay , so we can categorize this relationship as starting to feel a little toxic , a little uncomfortable . At what point did you start to think like eh , maybe this is something I shouldn't continue to pursue ?
Speaker 2I think the whole time , Wow , the whole time . Like , if I go back and read my journals , I'm like very much in the beginning I was like I don't think this is ever going to come and pan out to anything , but I always just held on to like that little bit of hope . I'm like , well , what if it does ? And like my thought process was and I still don't think that I wasted my time because I learned a lot . I mean , I'm here talking about it now and like hopefully sharing experience with other people in similar situations . So I definitely think that , like we go through everything for a reason . I actually I remember one time , maybe within less than a year of knowing him , that I was like okay , it's cut off . Like , and I did this decision on my own . I was like this is done , Like I think I sent him a text and I was cause I don't know , I got judging you .
Speaker 2And , um , he wasn't a phone call person , Like he's very distant . From the beginning . I think I was just adjusting to him that way and he called me and I was like he never calls me , and so he had this whole spiel of like no , no , no , no , like let's keep doing this , and reeled me back in and I'm realizing that he was kind of testing like how far I would be willing to bend and was , I guess , just figuring me out , and I stayed in it , even like maybe a year and a half after that and the real turning point where I ended it so it's now been a year and a half since this day , like early March 2023 , I was speaking to my friend on the phone who's gone through a very similar relationship . Unfortunately , she was married to the man and he was much worse in his abuse and I'm not shying away from the word , it was emotional abuse and I was like , oh shit , I can't get to that point Like I need to cut this off now .
Speaker 2And at the time he had given me another ultimatum . This one's a little bit more funny than the weight gaining situation . I had cut my hair and I knew that he didn't like my hair is long now I've always liked my hair long . He liked my hair long and he said if you trim it , we're done or I'm not speaking to you . And I have these little face framing pieces and I was like I'm going to make these today .
Speaker 2This morning , like very spontaneous , I sent him a picture of the pieces of hair on , like on my sink or whatever . And he's like okay , we're done , like I'm not going to speak to you for two months , yeah . And I still , like I was gonna wait it out for like I don't know how long . I figured it wouldn't be exactly two months , but he would still respond to my calls , my texts . So we were still talking . I just wasn't seeing him . But because this was so weird of a control factor and I spoke to my friend who was going through this similar situation , I was like he's doing this stuff now . It could grow into something so much worse .
Speaker 1Right , already not great , like very not good , but like I don't even want to think about where the tumbleweed would tumble at this point , it's only going to . You know , the more people give into the same behaviors and the more he feels that he can continue to do these types of behaviors , it will only get bigger and bigger . So was that your like I call it crying on the bathroom floor moment where you would realize , like all right , like I'm actually going to pull the plug on this .
Speaker 2Yeah , I don't think I had my crying on the bathroom floor moment until maybe a few days afterwards is when it really hit me , because there was so much like adrenaline when you call this person . He again is trying to use those manipulation tactics within conversations . I never won an argument with this man . I never did because I'm one of those people and I learned this a lot going through therapy and listening to other people talk about situations that if you're willing to consider that you might be the incorrect person , they're going to win the argument .
Speaker 1Right , that's like a power pull . So what were your next steps here ? We have a lot of recovery and research to learn here . What did you start diving into ?
Speaker 2It was only a couple days after that I had ended it that I made a TikTok where I talk about this stuff on and just sharing my story . I posted some of the text messages and I shared some things that I was personally going through and like what I was feeling , it's literally an addiction Getting rid of somebody that you've had in your life consistently for that long . Your brain is addicted to it . So you have , to like , go through those withdrawal symptoms . Oh boy , could I write a book about that one .
Speaker 1Yeah , I did not have a narcissist situationship . Narcissist situationship , I had a narcissist . I mean maybe not correctly diagnosed , but from my best assumption and from what I've told my therapist , best assumption a narcissist best friend for 13 years . It's a long time . It's a long time . It's very addictive to be in these situationships with them . You really , I mean , I remember multiple times crying to my mother , crying to people , and them being like why don't you just do something different ? And I literally just didn't think I could . I didn't see a different path , I didn't know a different path . My brain chemistry didn't understand a different path . It's very addicted to have somebody in your life for a long period of time and so your next steps going back to therapy , getting into therapy .
Speaker 2Well , one of it was definitely sharing first and then getting into therapy . I didn't get into therapy a little bit later , Although I should have it's just therapy is expensive .
Speaker 2I would have run away if it was within the means . But therapy has definitely helped and I think throughout the time that I was with him I was scared to share a lot of those things because it's ridiculous to put somebody through . So why was I putting myself through it ? So it's embarrassing to share with even the people closest to me A lot of them , my best friends . My family still knows none of this . I'm never going to tell my parents about this because I think it would absolutely shatter them and my best friends . I would give them tidbits and they'd question me further on it and I would just try to evade the questions , like I was just too embarrassed .
Speaker 2Yeah , exactly , it was there .
Speaker 2So , it was definitely talking to people and in sharing things on TikTok I was finding people with very similar stories and it was like astonishing and kind of scary how many people could relate to the situation . It was really sad , but I mean it also made me feel a little bit better , like feel less shame around it , so that I could share more , because we're all in the same thing . So why not share it so that we can all help get out of it and move on ? So that's one thing that really helped was hearing other stories of women mostly women going through the same thing .
Speaker 1Yeah , so you're starting to share . Do you feel like on TikTok and stuff , do you feel any relief from like sharing this experience ? Oh , a hundred percent .
Speaker 2I feel like it brought a lot of weight off of my shoulders just knowing that there were some people that were going through the same experiences or had gone through the same experiences . So , definitely sharing and hearing other people's stories and , along with therapy , just finding things to take up my time and my interests I mean , it's not for everyone , but going places by myself . I don't have a lot of friends that have a lot of available time , so I'll just do things by myself . So , finding things that interest you , finding people on the internet , like even if they're strangers . Finding podcasts I've dived into a lot of podcasts since that time of mostly self-help , and a lot of the resources have come from my therapist too . So reading YouTube , tiktok , like a lot of these things have helped me move on because it framed my mindset of like this is okay .
Speaker 1Yeah , it's okay , it does happen . It's like I think that's the thing , too is , when you go through situations like this , you think like , oh my God , this has never happened to anyone else . I'm so embarrassed . Or like I'm so just like I can't believe I lived under this rock of this for so long . And then you realize , oh wait , just like I can't believe I lived under this rock of this for so long . And then you realize , oh wait , this actually does happen to so many people . It's okay , and there is a lot of help out there from all your readings , youtubes , tiktoks , podcasts , what have been like the key insights you've started to learn , and where did , if you recall , where did they come from ?
Speaker 2Most of it came from my therapist , so she recommended looking at YouTube videos from Dr Romani , which I'm sure a lot of people in these situations have already heard of her . She's a specialist in narcissistic relationships and has a lot of educational videos online , as well as a book my therapist recommended . She brought the book we love it the Covert , passive , aggressive Narcissist . So that's only one type of narcissist . Give it a flash to the camera , cue , and that's only one type of narcissist . So there's several different types . There's like the more self-righteous type .
Speaker 2I mean I don't remember all of them off bat . Like I said , dr Armani goes through all the different types on her channel and this one in particular is going to be covert means like hidden , passive , aggressive . So it's not like you're not going to see it right away , you're not going to realize it within the first two months of dating . Even so , a lot of people share their experience in this book that we're in like 15-year marriages before they realize anything . And I mean this has the definition of narcissist with like a little checklist Ooh , so , just so it doesn't come from my mouth yeah , the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders , fourth edition . So a patient that's diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder .
Speaker 2They will have at least five of the following traits to be diagnosed with having narcissistic personality disorder . If you want to take a look , I highlighted like nine out of ten of them or whatever . So they have a grandiose sense of importance , for example , exaggerated achievements and talents . Expect to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements . Are you taking notes in your head ? Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success , power , brilliance , beauty or ideal love . Three believes that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by or should associate with other special or high status people . Four requires excessive admiration , which I feel like is the most well known , that's the most well known one .
Speaker 2Yeah , five has a sense of entitlement . Six is interpersonally exploitative . For example , they exploit people . So they take advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends . Seven lacks empathy is unwilling to recognize or identify with feelings and needs of others . Eight is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her . And then nine shows arrogant , haughty behaviors or attitudes . Wow , how many is there in ?
Speaker 1total nine . Okay , I have , I've had eight in my head . Yeah , how many did you have for eight ? Great , beautiful setting .
Speaker 1We love that for us , yeah , so you know , in the , the funniest part to me is like a narcissist would never a pick up this book right b ever think that they have any of these things . The term narcissist is so thrown around Like , ah , I'm just being such a narcissist , you know , you'll even say it about yourself , just like when you're venting , but yet it's a very clinical and serious yet term . Do you know anything about the attachment styles ? Yes , okay , great , let's dive into this . I happen to be an anxious Same , okay , great . So you have a lot of experience being an anxious attachment style . When in this process did you realize that maybe your attachment style and the energy this person was bringing were just a colossal match and were going to create disaster ?
Speaker 2Probably not until after I didn't connect the pieces
Recognizing and Healing Attachment Patterns
Speaker 2when I was in there . I discovered the attachment styles while I was in it and I was like , okay , I'm definitely an attachment , an anxious attachment girly , because I was always the one that wanted the connection and he would be stonewalling , not answering and like very distant , and so I was like , okay , he's avoidant , I'm anxious . I never I had even like I like okay , he's avoidant , I'm anxious . I never I had even like I like I said I was very honest with him . I'm like I think you're , you have narcissistic traits .
Speaker 1Like I said that you did .
Speaker 2Yeah , how did that go ? Well , he like I said he always won the arguments . So of course he denied , he has excuses and he like turns it around on me , I'm the evil person , actually not him . So that's how most of our conversations went . But I didn't realize until afterwards , like how it all played out , because it was I wouldn't call it like a typical anxious avoidance situation with him because it was so emotionally abusive and manipulative . But I saw my anxious attachment style now that I knew knew what it was play out in relationships . After that Relationships , I haven't been in a relationship , yeah , but I mean relationships , friendships .
Speaker 1You know it takes two people to have a relationship . I mean we just coin it to be boyfriend , girlfriend , but it's not linear like that . So the abuse of an anxious attachment style , or let me tell you the other ones we have here , uh , secure , a bevelant , avoidant or disorganized honestly , had never heard of disorganized before this . This is from helporg . The attachment styles , let's dive in . Okay , so we have secure , empathetic and able to set appropriate boundaries with .
Speaker 1people with a secure attachment style tend to feel safe , stable and more satisfied in their close relationships . While they don't fear being on their own , they usually thrive in close , meaningful relationships . Honestly , show me somebody who has a secure attachment style Like I'm so happy for you . I don't think we know each other . Okay , anxious attachment style .
Speaker 1People with an anxious or a bevelant attachment style , also referred to a bevelant anxious or simply anxious a bevelant , tend to be overly needy , as the label suggests . People with this attachment style are often anxious and uncertain , lacking in self-esteem . They crave emotional intimacy but worry that others don't want to be with them . And I get that . I feel that in my core and bones . Then let's see avoided .
Speaker 1Adults with an avoidant , dismissive , insecure attachment style are the opposite of those with an ambivalent or anxious preoccupied , instead of craving intimacy , they're wary of closeness . They try to avoid emotional connection with others and they'd rather not rely on others or have others rely on them . Okay , disorganized , the one we know nothing about . Disorganized attachment styles , also referred to as fear . Avoidant attachment styles , stems from intense fear , often as a result of childhood trauma , neglect or abuse . Adults with this style of insecure attachment , tend to feel they don't deserve love or closeness in a relationship . And yet I think every single one of these attachment styles , even a secure , could fall to a narcissist relationship . I don't think just because you have a secure attachment style doesn't mean you can't , you know , get weeped into the web Now that you're on the other side of it and we're in a dating detox . How's that going ? It's been almost two months .
Speaker 2And how do you feel ? I feel peaceful . I love that , yeah .
Speaker 1What are some healthy boundaries you've established for yourself and what are some easy starting maybe like first step , baby step , tricycle wheel boundaries you would suggest to somebody who's coming out of a similar situation ?
Speaker 2I don't remember who mentioned this . As a psychologist , I was listening to someone recommended to not date after a narcissistic , abusive relationship for a year . That's a long time . I didn't hear this until it was almost a year and so I was like , oh dang it , I was doing it wrong . I think everyone's a little bit different . So , like I said , dive into things that you love and talk to people . Like talking to people has helped me so much to find that peace . Yes , talking to people , talking to friends , doing things with friends , talking to people on the internet that have similar situations , boundaries , so I'm still working on everything , girl , we all are . I already had another situationship that I just recently .
Speaker 1That is so common . Yeah , like the number one thing , I think after you get out of a relationship , friendship , whatever it may be with a narcissist is to end up back in one , because you know what it's like and you're , it's comfortable and it's just like the patterns already set so you were in another one . It's hard to get out of the patterns .
Speaker 2Um , I wouldn't call this person a narcissist , and I was trying to be so intentional , like really , really thought I had the conversations and we were on the same page , but like a few months in I was like we are not on the same page and it was another situation of I wanted something real . They were too busy with their career and their work and so it just because I was already in it , I was like it was uncomfortable to leave again and so I I don't I mean , I'm not perfect , so I'm still not where I want to be , which is why I'm taking a dating detox at the recommendation of my therapist . But I think I have a what's the word ? A ? Weaker willpower than some of my friends and counterparts .
Speaker 2It is what it is , but you're aware of it Exactly . I think you know . Writing things out , talking to people , learning , like educating yourself on all of this , all the things you've been through , the people that you've dealt with , is the best way to recognize it . Going forward , I hope that I will never be in another emotionally abusive relationship , but I mean , you never know until you're in it and then you have to find your way out of it .
Speaker 1Yeah , it's not like they walk around with a sign on their head that says I'm an emotionally abusive person and like I should avoid them . Yes , we start to realize quicker that maybe this next friendship relationship , whatever it may be , is not going to serve us , because we've learned some of these lessons along the way , but like it's not always so clear , it's not so evident , it doesn't you know , they don't walk around with those .
Speaker 2I think that's a good point is you might still find them , but recognizing it sooner is what's going to keep you safe and healthy and find what you're actually looking for . A lot of the comments that I got on the things that I posted on TikTok was like oh , I would never I was an , I would never girly Same . Like I hope that they mean that because I want them to stay safe and mentally healthy , but like you never know until you're already there and it's like , oh shit , like I guess it happened Right .
Speaker 1Here we are , well , and it's like , well , maybe the exact thing that happened to you would never happen to them . But like , change the elements and now look where we are . You just like you never know until you've you've walked a mile in that situation and you know hindsight's kind of a bitch when you go back to dating , cause , I mean , I assume you seem like a lovely , lovely young woman what is ? Your plan to approach dating , and like what qualities are you going to make sure to avoid ? Like what are the lessons we've learned ?
Speaker 2well , now I can see the patterns , like you said more clearly early on , and so my , like I said , I already tried to go in really intentionally . So it's weird to say like , okay , now I'm actually going to go in intentionally . But it looked like having the conversation like , hey , what are you looking for ? And I think his answer was ambiguous enough that I thought the door was open , instead of like a clear okay , yes , I'm looking for someone that I will date for marriage . I guess that's the answer that I'll be looking for . I'm 31 .
Speaker 1So it's not like I'm young in my twenties anymore , like , yeah , whatever , I'll just go with the flow . People get married here at 55 .
Speaker 2Like you got time People get divorced a lot too , and then we're going to be a lot more intentional and listen to the answers carefully so that they're exactly a match , because I found a lot of people that are not my match .
Speaker 1Yeah , I had this amazing girl on the podcast . She's the host of Seeing Other People , a dating podcast , and she talked about how , on dates , like they'd be you know they'd be like , after you know they didn't want to see her again . They'd be like , oh , like you know , it'd be so great if we just be friends , you know . And she's like , honestly , like I'm not looking for friends , I'm looking for marriage . Like you're , you're , you have more than enough friends , you have enough people . You don't need to keep these people in your back pocket hoping that they're going to change their abusive or interest in you ways . It's okay to just say I'm not looking for friends here .
Speaker 2I don't know why everyone's looking for friends on dating apps .
Speaker 1I'm busy with friends . I think it's strange . I should probably be cutting friends . I understand .
Speaker 2I moved to LA and I was by myself and I did make some friends on dating apps , but it was naturally I wasn't like okay , I don't actually like you , so let's just be friends . I don't know , I think there's a lot of friend lookers . Yeah , Friend lookers . We love that .
Speaker 1How do you feel that you are on your healing journey with this ? What is the status , what are maybe some things that really have just come to you in the past couple months that having this dating detox that have really been like , oh , I'm healing .
Speaker 2I think I've just kept really active and busy , so maybe it's hard to recognize because I've been filling my time with a lot of things . I guess I won't know until I'm dating again , because that's when everything comes out Again .
Speaker 1I love that open perspective Like you're just like , yeah , you know , I'm not going to know , I don't have to like say it's healed or it's done .
Speaker 2I don't know if it'll ever be healed . I feel like we're always like . Even secure attachments will go back and forth between whatever anxious or avoidant side they lean towards .
Speaker 1That being said , I'm not going to not ask this question , even though we just said that healing is kind of like an ever-evolving thing and it may never fully go away . But what would you say to someone maybe somebody who's slid into your comments on TikTok , who's in a similar situation ? What would you say to them ?
Speaker 2Well , firstly , it takes time . Talk to people . I actually did have somebody in my messages recently that was like help , I'm looking for support , and that's exactly what I told her A lot of times . I will recommend , if it's within your means , changing your whole environment . A lot of what drove me to California at the time was a boy back home , because it was a pandemic , everything was dead and that's all I could think about , because every time I left my town there was only one way in , one way out I was thinking of he would always go to that beach that I was driving by , and so it was always on my mind and it was like way too much . I couldn't think of anything else . I couldn't do anything else , so I just crossed country and I'm not saying that's my whole reasoning , like I'm still here four years later , you just got to blow up your life .
Speaker 1No , literally , yeah .
Speaker 2Because that's what helps everything . It moves things around . You need change in order to get over something , because it's always going to keep showing up . It's going to be front of your mind if you're doing the same things , you're driving the same way past their house , or something like that . So I think changing your environment is really helpful . Talking to people , finding a form of therapy whether that's just podcasts , listening to other people talk about it or getting an actual therapist yeah , Taylor , you are so open , so vulnerable .
Speaker 1Thank you so much for sharing with the audience this experience . I know that it's something , again , a lot of us have gone through or touched on the relationship . Do you have any final thoughts to leave our listeners with ?
Speaker 2I just hope nobody's actually going through this , but I know that that's probably not the case because I've seen how many people are . So I hope that whoever's listening that is going through this , that you talk to people you need to talk to and you change the things you need to change , and there's no pressure to change it right now . That's one of the things that I think I needed is why maybe it took so long , but it was the right time for me . So if now is not the time that you're able to change , that's okay . It'll just come with time .
Speaker 1I always like to think like you always have the ability to change things tomorrow or find something else out in life , but you can't go backwards , like you can't undo time . So like , don't beat yourself up for the time backwards , just like make the changes as time comes in the new day . Well , taylor , you are so lovely . You need to tell everybody where they can find you and follow you and all the good things .
Speaker 2Okay , the TikTok that I have where I talked about all of this was cancermercury27 . Because I'm an astrology girl .
Speaker 1Okay , I was like where did that ?
Speaker 2come from , so I do have a cancermercury placement , which basically just means I cry a lot in confrontation . We love that . I also cry always , girly , and my Instagram is just tayeden . And where can we also find your ?
Speaker 1fitness stuff just for fun On my Instagram . Love it , oh my gosh . Thank you so much , guys , and we'll see you next Tuesday . Thank you so much for listening to Confessions of a Wannabe it Girl . Don't forget to rate and subscribe to the show . As always , we'll see you next Tuesday .
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