No Friends For You

Can guys have girls as friends if they are married? Let's talk about it. 

Transcript

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And now we're live. Oh, wow. The button still works. Okay, okay. I wasn't sure if it still work because I hadn't pressed it in a while. It's been a while. It's been a long time. I wonder if they still make WD 40 You want to get some like to loosen things up? I thought it was just part of being a man. I think a toolkit is part of being a man like a WD 40. A moustache and a hammer. Don't forget the drill. Power Drill is very important. I have a drill, but the battery is dead. I think I used it once. And then never again. Is that what this episode is about? Is it follows there about already past? Father's Day is a myth. It is Saturday, Friday. I don't know what day it is. But it's not Father's Day. Oh, it's not a thing. Okay. Then what are we doing here? What are we when we push ups? No, no push ups? No, it's your show. I have no idea what we're doing. It's my show. Yes. My show. Yes. My show head above hypocrisy. Um, well, that is what's happening. I introduce myself every time because this show caters towards people that don't have short term memory capabilities. You know, you gotta represent for everybody, even the, you know, memory challenged. Okay, niche group. Alright, I'm Marcus coast of head of over epoxy. And I think people just write crap down. So then, I don't have to say my name because I wrote it down the first time. That didn't make sense. They don't have like a friend that can write this stuff down for them. Friends are overrated. What? I mean, have you ever? Well, I don't think friends are good now. If not for writing stuff down ever. So I take notes for you. Back in the day when I was in class, yeah. Yeah. And I they took worse notes than I did. And I never took notes. Right? How do you take notes worse than nothing? And that's, that's what you get. When you ask friends for things you get? You get worse than nothing. I mean, friends, how many of us haven't? Right? Everybody has some friends or like taxes, the ones that you can depend on? Well, that part's also an urban, you can't really depend on you. All you can depend on is yourself to be consistently inconsistent. Maybe you should drop the intro. Let's get into this. Think about friends. You keep touching on. I don't I mean, I don't have any friends. Because I'm old man. With children. You don't have time for friendships, right? Friends? female friends, that female friends are like, I don't know, recreational terminal illnesses. Wow. Okay, drop your intro. Let's drop into this. Okay, I guess I need to speak to a doctor about female friendships. I think they're hazardous for you. I mean, it may not be terminal. But it's like stress, like, you know how stress is the number one killer because it just it like eats away at your heart slowly. That's, I think that's a synonym for female friendships. It's same kind of thing. It just slowly eats away at you. I'm gonna go drop the intro because you just no one is helping. You know, once you go get yourself a friend, it's new cancer. So it would seem that medically, I can't say that. female friendships are hazardous to your health. Oh, I mean, it's like the Surgeon General. You just give advice. All right. Well, no, I think if I were the Surgeon General, then I could I don't know that. That's the he has a medical degree. I think that's a government position. Right? Yeah, you can be appointed as a surgeon. Yeah, I don't think you need like any medical advice. So then I just got a hit at the Surgeon General and explained to him that having female friends is hard for your health. And then females will come with the same warning label that cigarettes do it make more sense? I mean, because like what does the surgeon general do not to talk about health but like when the pandemic was happening and popping off. We went to like Dr. Fauci and all these health officials but no one ever asked the surgeon general who's supposed to be the top medical adviser of the country. Well, I think he's a one hit wonder once well, he decided that cigarettes were bad for us. He's like I've done my job. So bad you have to figure the rest of this out yourself. You don't get the same warning on alcohol. There's no surgeon general warning like if you have six of these you will end up arrested in a fight like I feel like you have six female friends. It's a man you the same thing as having six Hennessy shots. I For like, I mean, that seems like bad luck. I think the missing shots are cheaper. Because it's a one time expense, that friendship is gonna cost you for the life of the friendship. So you saying you can't have female friends? You mean like in the sense of if you're in a relationship, or you can have female friends the same way that you can make popcorn in the microwave with your face stuck to it like sugar if you want to, but I don't know how your brain is going to feel about it. Is this vice versa to like, do you think they shouldn't have too many male friends? It's different for females, they, they can kind of do whatever they want. Okay, so, alright, so you have women friends, right? I mean, not by choice. But yeah, I have a few. And like, what is the biggest hurdle? Is this coming from somewhere? I don't personally something or I personally don't have any problem with female friends now because I don't have any new ones. Right? Like, I think so. Okay, if we want to take a serious look at the issue, right? Like if you're in a relationship, and, you know, you're you make a new female friend, okay, that's gonna be more of a hurdle than like, Susan, that you've known since before your you met the girl that you're dating, right? Because you can introduce Susan from jump. Like, this is Susan. We lived across the street from each other. And we were for she performed the Heimlich maneuver on me when I was just processing history, right? And reason why, like exactly what's here before you, right? So there's okay. There's history. Whereas if you meet, you know, Shaniqua at Chick fil A on Thursday, and now, you know, she's at the House on Wednesday watching the game. I was like, Well, why is she here? Like, oh, well, I met her getting chicken nuggets. Pretty fast moving friendship. I'm just saying that's that's the problem. That's the problem. There's no history. And if there's not history, then it's gonna be weird. It's like why are you working so hard for this outside friendship? Do you think male and women can be platonic friends? But that's like the age old question, right? Men can have women platonic women friends? Is it possible? Yes. Is it likely? No, really? I don't think so. And I think that's male fault more than female. I think that men are more likely to have friendships that they hope will develop into something else. Eternally, I felt like they'd never turns off. Like I feel like they some will settle in the friendship zone and like, alright, well, she cool. And I missed but you know, at least he likes cartoons. We can watch cartoons or whatever. But you know, one day I get the right haircut and her you know, her dude is trippin. Maybe you know, after Hey, Arnold, we can get it. poppin but I don't I don't think I don't know that women are the same way. I think women have male friendships that they believe are platonic. But I don't know that the midfield the same way. I think it's it's rare. But you know, of course, there's an exception to every rule. Right? Like there's there's there's a handful of genuine friendships out there, I'm sure. But for the most part, most dudes are playing the long game. They're like, well, it didn't work this time. I'm gonna just wait for her to be in a bad mood is creepy. I mean, we're kind of creepy. And we are I mean, it's we are our guys. Or we strategists you know, depending on it's all about the adjective. You can it's perspective you can use it depends on the word you use. Right? Like it could just be good strategy. Hmm. Well use that time I well, I tried initially, she was like, Nah, we'll just be friends and now you just do an Intel you just get in you just get information. See? I do feel that that's somewhat dangerous because I've had co worker or not coworkers I've had we're not friends anymore but I known people that have like literally explained to me like oh, yeah, blah blah blah. I've slept with a friend and I'm like, what? Like you've slept with a guy friend. Yeah. Why? Like isn't your relationship weird now? Oh, well, you know, it was just an experience and then I just feel like that's a really weird situation that I think the male and female mind are different like it was a situation for her but it was or vice versa but usually in both people don't feel the same way about it if feelings are that low I just it's it's rare. And it's like the it's like the Friends with Benefits thing that never worked none of that stuff ever works. It's it's you know long term long distance relationships not long term. That's terrible advice. Or friends with benefits. Sex buddy stuff like that like that. Yeah, that's enough. It cannot work. Now, not long term, not like one nightstands work. Those work because you never See the person again. You may not even know last names and or you know, like anything right? Like super drunk you wake up like, Oh, what happened? I'm out of here that that works because there's anonymity right like you don't there's no it's what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas that's that's why Vegas exists and has been thriving for my entire life because it's a hit it and quit it one time kind of thing. There's no connection there's no ties, there's no overlapping friendship circles like that's, that's usually where you get caught up right like somebody knows somebody or sees you so anybody gonna see me in Vegas? So looking for you, well then that's a whole different I'm just saying, but for like, you know, it's it's that kind of stuff works if it's if it's once and it really is random or, or a moment of weakness or whatever it is like that. That works because because there's no history there's no emotional attachment or involvement. It's really it really is a one off right like it was the perfect storm of things. I had just the right amount of drinks. The light hit your face just right, right. You know, you remind me of Timmy in the seventh grade, and I always liked him me and he didn't know and boom. Right now you in there. She's calling you Timmy and your name is Duan. You know, that kind of stuff, man. Um, is it easier to have, I guess Friends of the opposite sex that are unattractive? Like if you were just like, Yo, that person is Ugh, mug, then it's just like, yeah, we can be friends and kick it. I don't care. There's no sexual attraction. Of course, it's gonna be platonic. I mean, they have to be a really interesting ugly person, right? Yeah, no, I mean, the personalities turn out. Well, that's the thing and talk to you again. I feel like that's, that's the other reason that men go astray is because their friendships are based on appearance. Like your average dude is not going to approve like there's not going to be a situation where he gets to find out the ugly girl is fun, because that's not how early on we usually make our decision. So the best way that happens is is he tried to talk to the girl he thought was cute. She says no, and now he's stuck with the ugly girl because you know, cute girl left from somewhere like oh, well, we like all the same stuff, you know, except for physically. Some people say mopeds are fun. Wow. No, that's not the brake. I feel like it's just people that have never gone fast are the people that think mopeds are fun? Fun to ride just don't want to be caught on one is what they say. Yeah, they used to say that. You don't say that anymore? I don't think it was so. Does so it doesn't make a difference? Does age make a difference? Like after you get to a certain age that just doesn't matter? You can be friends with Bertha from across the street. Who cares? You guys above 75? Okay, well, yeah, there you go. You hit this, like if you're an AARP member, or you know, you've got to live in nurse. If you are not mobile. These are all reasons for the whatever friendships that you can obtain. are legal. That's fine. I can't. I'm not about to. You got enough problems in your life for me to be stressing you out about like, I don't like that you were talking to Gertrude for so long? Like that's right. So you know, 70 8060 I don't know fit this wild. 50 year old so probably likes it probably wherever you get the discount menu at Denny's. You can have whatever friends you Alright, um, I mean, it grows too. Yeah, but they found the dice. Like, how mad Can I really like if we both tend to die? And you're like, Well, I decided I wanted to cheat on you a week before you know my pacemaker gives up. I'm not gonna spend my last four days on earth being mad because you know, Ethel stepped out on me right? I'm gonna just you know, go find Gertrude. Right right now I got you. So I just it's a time thing at that point. Like, I'm not gonna Why would I waste the little time I have left being mad at you. So they say in statistically say teenagers are between the ages of 16 and 24. That's like the loneliest time in life. Would that change? That's an accurate that's probably the most social I was in my life. Well, I mean, I guess well, I mean, I just being social and having someone I guess like the opposite partner. I feel like whoever ran this study did not ask the question right or have a good grasp on English language. The loneliest time in your life is when you decide to have a family because you are trapped with your family. Oh, wait, I'm reading notes here. Is it Dad's Corner? He's are you giving advice that's that's your family show? No. It can't be Dad's Corner because I'd be I'm advising against Having a family and Dad's going to work. I'm never on a show and what days is it? It's on Apple? I guess? It's I don't know what days it is. It's it's only on Apple, but it's, it's for parents, my parents show. Okay, but this isn't Dad's Corner advice. No, this is just this is this is refuting statistics or explaining that statistics can be twisted or made to prove any point, right? Like, it depends on what question you're asking, Okay, I don't think I don't think the 16 and 24 or whatever it was, is the most loneliest time at all, because it's when you have the most freedom to be the most social you don't, your time is not limited until you get older and you get more responsibility. That's why I say you're lonely. It's when you have a family not because you know you. Yes, I use the term trap, and it's negative connotations or whatever. But it's more so that you are trapped by the responsibilities of family. It's not the individuals, it's the bills, it's the extracurriculars, it's the chores, it's the plumbing, it's the fix in the house, it's the drive in the school, it's taken to the doctor like that you don't have time for friendships, you got to take care of the family. So that's that's when you would be lonely, not when you're 20 and all you have to do is make sandwiches at Subway and maybe homework if you decided to go to college, right? I don't that I don't understand how that statistic why dudes because they asked the question wrong or exactly how they want it. But it's yeah, it's more about statistics can be twisted to prove anything. And I just my personal experience was not that way and when like I didn't meet other 20 somethings that I was hanging out with. We weren't lonely. We were out doing stuff talking to people you know, meeting things and breaking stuff and making mistakes and getting tickets. Well to circle back to your original your question everything so like Oh, to be fair, it was fun internet right. Oh boy had the post talking about what it's this pretty. It's pretty, pretty boy like insurance salesman. I think he sells life insurance. So some something great Mark light eyes light skin clean cut good looking dude. I I've seen his posts before. He seems smart as much as you can judge that via the internet. But it's basically what he was saying is he's too good of a guy and or people that are men that are married? Because the question was specifically for man. Like, it was like, hey, whatever his name was, as a married man can I have? Was it single female friends? And he was like, Absolutely not. Hell now because I'm too good of a dude to to out here being friends with Single Ladies and I don't want them, you know, thinking that my niceness or our friendship is something else. And now I'm sitting here being faced with temptation. I don't need that in my life. Okay, so and like to me that's the self control issue, right? Like if you can't have three conversations with a girl without you know, trying to remove her clothes, then that's the situation here because I'm like, well, that doesn't make any sense. Like just because it's a phrasing thing. Like you think they all want him points were made right like he also said I don't have any female friends. I'm married. I have female acquaintance acquaintances, all women I know know me and my life. Would you can have a female friend that knows you in your life? Like, why? Why can't Why do you know your wife? Right? That's, that's, that's where the issue is. Like, if you're hiding friends. That's that from people now there's a problem. But if we're all friends and we all go out together, and that's fine, right? Like, if if such an if Susan can't bring Tom. So Susan just goes with the two of us. That's fine, because all three of us are friends, right? Like if the friendship is is above board and everybody is on the same page, then it works. But I also on the other on the other hand, I understand not inviting chaos into your life, right? Like and having a plethora of female have single female friends as a married man is inviting chaos into your life. Right? Like one or two or whatever, like a co worker or like a reasonable way to come across someone to write like you don't I don't think that it's healthy for your relationship to make a new air quotes friend. After you know you get back from your best friend's bachelor party, right? Like he was in Vegas for two days. And now you have this new friend. Yeah. Right. Who are you talking to? A friend or not even Vegas like you go out like you go out for boys night or something. And now all of a sudden, you've got a new friend or vice versa, you go out for girls trip, you go out for girls brunch, and you can't and you get back at four in the afternoon. And now you've got new friends, right? Like this is these are problems right new friends. Drake says a lot of things. But you know, he's got light skinned man problems, which which are worse than first world problems. They're like, somewhere between privileged and and royalty anyway, is it fair? Okay, so I also feel Like when he made that post that maybe his wife made him make that post? I hope not. And he was a shotgun post. Just like me mocking him, he made it under duress. And what else? Not? Why don't we speak to these women? I'm just saying, watch the video see how many times he blinks his eyes? So my thing is, is it normal? Like, according to sitcoms and entertainment, women normally make those rules. So you can't have Susan as your friend, I don't want you talking with Becky with the nice hair. Do men normally make those rules? Now we just get jealous, and act out. Because we don't we're not generally in control of our emotions enough to be like, Look, I don't like you hanging out with the client. Because he's two inches taller than me and only has 15% body fat. Right? Like I don't, we're not we're just we're just gonna have attitude when you go. Or when you get home games. It's, it's rare, unless, you know, like you'd like 35 Plus, like, now, I probably would just say something because damn near 40. But it takes us a long time and to be in a relationship for a while, generally speaking, to be that forward with our like it you have to admit to vulnerability. And we're not good at that. Like, we have to admit that this band makes me feel threatened about our relationship. And I want to talk to you about that, that is a very difficult conversation for a male to have like to just be like, I'm feeling vulnerable about this. Like, it's, we're not going to say it like that like and women don't always say like, I don't like her because this that and that's coming from that place. Like we can't even we can't even come from that place a lot of times, like, it's very difficult for us to admit that we're feeling less than because of someone else. So we're just gonna add to it or pick a fight or like, there's lots of other ways that will lash out to address it. But I don't think that it's, it's very common for the male, to bring it in an organized fashion like, well, I don't feel comfortable with you spending this much time, you know, with Jason, because you guys have this history, or you don't have history, like which whatever it is, and both. Both can be concerning. Like if there's too much history, and it's one of them things where like, You guys never got to be together because timing wasn't right or whatever. Like, I don't want to be the right time, right? Or if they're brand new, like alright, well, you don't have any friends for years. Now. All of a sudden Shawn shows up, right? Who? Why are you laughing at all of Sean's jokes? Right? That those are the little telltale signs of pisses me off? Like don't laugh at all these people's jokes? What are you saying? Because like, I think I'm funny. And if I'm with a significant other, I would hope they think I'm funny. Also, if you are laughing at some random friends joke all the time also sometimes. Yeah, yeah. If somebody told me that, however, discussing you know, relationships and stuff and like you always say be careful, anybody can make a girl laugh. Can it was something crude can make other things happen fill in a humor is a huge thing. Women are Oh, I love it guys with sense of humor. Like, if you have I don't want to say because men we mess up too. Like we have too many friends are Instagram models. That's just a bad. That's that's once again is just sitting in front of us trying to play the long game. I mean, I don't know he just and what's weird for me with that is I feel like you shouldn't ever be in a place in a relationship where you have to look at like interactions that way I feel like to be able to move through life and just talk to people organically Right? Like if you have respect for your relationship and you're not out here actively looking for you know, new side action, then you should be able to be nice to people and it not result in a one night stand on accident. Right? Like you should be in control of social situations and yourself enough to be able to do that. So like that's it's weird. Like I don't I don't understand at this point in my life, like this age being in a relationship like that and it's like well, you can't talk to this person or you can't act you can't go here like really come over we do it right. That was I'm not a teenager like I don't have a curfew this that's not how this works right? You know if it's one of those things where you don't feel comfortable because of XY and Z we can have that conversation. But not just like a blanket I can't have single female friends at all ever. Like that's weird right? That's that's not a healthy relationship. Susan up the street just got divorced. I don't want you going that way. Right. I mean, what it's just like you've got coworker there's there gonna be interactions with single females that that are based in in professionalism and or you know, plot tonic madness. I don't know how Don't say that. But like, if if you don't make it about that, then it's not about that. Right. If you bring it up now now, it's in my mind, and I wasn't thinking about that. So it's just I think that I think when you start adding unnecessary rules, stipulations regulations to a relationship, that's, that's there's another, it's a bigger problem, right? That's a trust issue that needs to be addressed outside of, of random new friendships. And then on the other end, you know, move like, you got some sense, right? Like, don't be out here actively looking for friendships. And like, that's, that's not where you what you need to be if you're in a relationship or you know, a husband, God forbid, right? I could you imagine the act of mall trying to make friends, you know, all day long. Like that's out of my 21 years old, right? I wouldn't say after a while, like, like, as you said earlier, when we're talking about, like, after a certain age, have all the friends you want. But yeah, like, after you hit a certain age, it's like, you really want to put that effort in making friends. Like if they're coworkers, and we keep bonding cool, but like, I'm not gonna make that effort. That's what I'm saying. Like, you should be able to have organic friendships, if you meet somebody at work or at the gym, or wherever you go naturally, then fine, because that's, that's how you that's how your life works. That's what's in your rotation. That's what's in your orbit, you go to the gym, you're going to target you go to work, right? Like if you make a friend in one of those three places make sense? Free for all have at it. Okay, but you know, if it's, it's the, it's the random friends that are met at places that are designed for people to make beyond friendship type connections, right? Like if you're at a bar at your restaurant, if you're wherever people go to meet down. Oh, I'm old, I have been looking for people in a lot. I don't know where you go. Oh, hold on. We're out the game before. Oh, Lord. Wherever it is that young people go to meet eat? Well, I guess it's on the internet, right? So I guess you gotta like, you should not be on Snapchat, or whatever it is. But that's what it is. Right? Like, don't be looking for inappropriate friendships. But I do think that it's possible for married in a relationship, whatever you want to say, people to have friendships like normal platonic friendships, it's just, you got to keep it that way. Don't don't go out of your way to go out with said person alone, right? Like, if you guys are just friends, why we need to go to the movies together, why we gotta go eat together? Like why we got to do the time? Why do we have to do things that companies do together as friends, right? Like, that's, that's when there's problems when you're rep replicating couple activities as, as friends, like, if you're doing couples things in your friendship, we don't need to do that. Right. Like, let's just leave it at work or, you know, whatever it is. And so, you know, I guess the the long and short of is, Can men and women be friends? If they are in relationships? Yes. Or if one is in relationship and one isn't? Yes. Astrix. Right, with you know, with precaution, I guess you know, you can't just be out here messy. But you know, you also are not on social health risks, either, where you just kind of walk head down hands and pocket because there's a woman walking down the street, I'm not about to cross the street, because there's a woman walking towards me, like, my wife wouldn't like me being in such close contact with you, being of the opposite species, let me just cross the street. Unnecessarily, you got to find a happy medium again, as, as always on this show. It's about balance, right? Like you got to, you want to be able to go out and talk to people like a normal person, but you have to be respectful of yourself and your relationship. Right? Like that's, you know, your relationship yourself, your partner. You know, you gotta respectful of these things. So can you have friends? Sure. But don't be an idiot. Right? It's real simple. Just use your brain. If if it's something that you normally do with your significant other, then maybe don't do it with your friend. There's plenty of Platonic activity activities you can do, right? Like go to library together. A nobody cheated on nobody at the library. That's, you know, or maybe I just, you know, gave the best lie ever. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, maybe I'm, I'm at the library, you know, working on his work cited page. I gotta, I gotta do some research. There's a laptop at home. Right, right, but I need hardcover. There's there's some unabridged vintage copies that didn't get onto the Internet and a great idea, something that men and women can do together as a couple and not in a couple. They can sit back and listen to your great podcast. Absolutely. Absolutely. If you're looking for something safe to do with your single friend, as a married person, head on over to just the internet really pretty much any streaming platform and you can find good ol head up of piracy. And we will we'll keep you out of trouble. Or we'll get you in trouble and you can blame it on us. You know, that's me is almost his greatest thing. Same I mean I don't have to be in the relationship that's why I'm willing to take the blame. She can come scream at me all she wants and once I'm tired listen, I'm just gonna hang up I don't have to go home this person I don't have to see them ever it's the same way I want nightstand works except you know there's no sex just all the yelling No, no, I guess I probably should go now he's got his head in hand. I've done it. I've done it folks. I have silenced him with my offensive pneus so as you land this plane, I was just thinking another great thing you know, something that I wouldn't recommend people that are in relationships that do and that is to purchase one of their friends or one of your hoodies maybe they see that for your significant should not do that. I think it's you say that for you like couples Maybe I'm just a friendly individual. They're not couples hoodies, they're not like sewn together. You just get one. It's you know, you could buy a hoodie for a Secret Santa gift right? Like you know, it doesn't have to be that personal. It doesn't say I love you sponsored by hid above hypocrisy is just adult adolescent. Or like all your other catchphrases. They can get numerically I'm grown but you know maturely about 15 adult adolescent listen all day long you can get at anybody, man, woman, the alphabet gang, all of them. We don't discriminate. We are, you know, over here, thing hoodies, T shirts, mugs, whatever you need, we will provide resources to any and all that may need it. But for those of you in relationships, just be careful with your friendships, right? It's if you're trying too hard to make a friend, then let it go. Right? Like if you just stumble upon a friendship, and it should be okay. Because being in a relationship does not mean you know being in prison. But it does mean that you have to you know, you got to keep that person with you, if you will, right. Like it would you a what they like, what they're saying, you know, when you're interacting with this, this person, and b How would you feel if they had a friend and they're behaving the same way if you keep those two things in mind, and you know, whatever you're doing checks those two boxes, then you should be fine. And that looks different for everybody. Right? Like I'm all the things that I'm okay with. You may not be okay with and vice versa. So you got to find you know that, that happy medium for you and yours. And just, you know, make sure to check those two boxes as long as it's not offensive to you and you wouldn't mind seeing your person do it. Go for it. And when all else fails, just listen to the show, man. It's it's safe. You know, you're not gonna get no diseases. You don't have any accidental you know, outside babies. Nothing it is. It is the safest option. And it's more interesting than abstinence. So, head above oxy. We're here for you