MEN ALIVE: Jim Cunningham & Paul Estabrooks' Podcast
Programs to help men become transformed to the image (character) of Jesus Christ.
MEN ALIVE: Jim Cunningham & Paul Estabrooks' Podcast
MEN ALIVE 221 : Mending Friendships: The Art of Forgiveness and Rebuilding Bonds
Ever had a friendship that fell apart over something that, in hindsight, seems trivial? My friend Dr. Jim Cunningham, a master in navigating the complex world of adult relationships and the pen behind "Men Alive," joins me to unravel the threads of true companionship and the healing powers of forgiveness. We kick off with an anecdote that will have you contemplating those 'we used to be friends until' moments in your own life, and the mysterious reasons friendships sometimes fray at the edges.
Welcome to Men Alive, a biblical journey to help us conform to the image of Jesus Christ. I'm your host, Paul Estabrooks. Our teacher is my longtime friend, Dr Jim Penningham, consultant in adult education, director of Go Teach Global and author of the book Men Alive.
Speaker 2:Pablo, I want to begin with a story about a man I'll call Douglas. It was 10.30 am on a warm summer morning. Douglas was seated on a ferry boat heading to visit friends on one of the islands offshore from Vancouver, canada. In front of him were three empty seats. He was quietly reading when two women sat down in two of the empty seats, with an empty seat between them, and began talking in voices loud enough for Douglas to overhear most of their conversation if he paid attention.
Speaker 1:Listening to ladies talking in public could be a little awkward.
Speaker 2:Agreed. Douglas knew that, so he kept reading until one woman asked her friend in a voice loud enough for Douglas to hear do you still? See and she named a name. The second woman answered no, we used to be friends until, and her voice faded. He never heard the reason. All Douglas heard was the phrase we used to be friends until. It set him thinking. Used to be friends until what? What happened?
Speaker 1:Perhaps the friend died?
Speaker 2:That's true, Pablo, but you would not say Jim and I used to be friends until he died. I would be more apt to say Paul and I were long-time friends, not used to be friends. One could perhaps say we'd used to be friends until they moved.
Speaker 1:True, but a move does not need to change a friendship. You and I became friends in Toronto, Ontario. Later I moved to the Philippines to serve with FEBC Radio Ministry in Manila. You moved to Richmond, British Columbia, to serve with a ministry to win and train boys for Christ. We discovered that true friendships are not ended by a relocation on the globe.
Speaker 2:Douglas's theory is that the we used to be friends until phrase likely meant she had a disagreement or an irreconcilable difference of opinion that caused the friendship to end.
Speaker 1:Jim, we agreed earlier that geographical moves do not have to affect friendships. So what is it that affects friendships, causing them to continue strong or come to an end?
Speaker 2:That's a valid question. Pablo First John 1, says this is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you God is light and there is no darkness in him at all. So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God and go on living in spiritual darkness. We are not practicing the truth. But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, cleanses us from all sin. Here's how it works If I'm walking in the light of God's word and you're walking in the light of God's word, then we have true fellowship with one another. We can forgive each other and be reconciled to each other and continue the friendship.
Speaker 1:Right. And that does not mean we have to agree that left-handed people are more brilliant than right-handed people.
Speaker 2:Okay, agreed, and we will let our listeners guess which one of us is left-handed. The point we are making is that if and when there is a betrayal of trust in a friendship, the goal is forgiveness and reconciliation and restoration of a relationship. 1 John 1. 8-10 continues If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our heart.
Speaker 1:You are listening to Men Alive with Dr Jim Cunningham. Jim, forgiveness is a big topic we have addressed in our teaching together. You have a significant chart on forgiveness. In fact, if you are listeners want to have a copy, you can contact us at menaliveuntogodcom and ask for the forgiveness chart. In that chart you show forgiveness bringing a relationship back to zero, and then reconciliation as a possible way to rebuild and restore a broken relationship. That's true.
Speaker 2:Pablo. But let me clarify Forgiveness removes the anger and hate and harm caused by the betrayal of trust. It allows the two parties to be reconciled and bring the relationship back to zero, a freedom that only forgiveness can achieve. There's a fascinating story of King Saul and David in 1 Samuel 24, keeping in mind that King Saul had tried three times to kill David. Now in chapter 24 it says and Saul returned from fighting the Philistines, he was told that David had gone into the wilderness of Hengedi. So Saul chose three thousand elite troops from all Israel and went to search for David and his men near the rocks of the wild goats, at the place where the road has some sheepfolds.
Speaker 2:Saul went into a cave to relieve himself, but as it happened, david and his men were hiding farther back in that very cave. Now is your opportunity, david's men whispered to him. Today. The Lord is telling you I will certainly put your enemy into your power to do with as you wish. So David crept forward and cut off a piece of the hem of Saul's robe. But then David's conscience began bothering him, because he had cut Saul's robe. He said to his men the Lord forbid that I should do this to my Lord the King, I shouldn't attack the Lord's anointed, for the Lord himself has chosen him. So David restrained his men and did not let them kill Saul.
Speaker 2:After Saul had left the cave and gone on his way, david came out and shouted after him my Lord the King. And when Saul looked around, david bowed low before him. Then he shouted to Saul why do you listen to the people who say I am trying to harm you? This very day, you can see with your own eyes that it isn't true, for the Lord placed you at my mercy back there in the cave. Some of my men told me to kill you, but I spared you, for I said I will never harm the King. He is the Lord's anointed one. Look at my Father, at what I have in my hand. It's a piece of the hem of your robe. I cut it off, but I didn't kill you. This proves that I am not trying to harm you and that I have not sinned against you, even though you have been hunting for me to kill me. May the Lord judge between us. Perhaps the Lord will punish you for what you are trying to do to me, but I will never harm you. As the old proverb says, from evil people comes evil deeds. So you can be sure I will never harm you. Who is the King of Israel trying to catch anyway? Should he spend his time chasing one who is as worthless as a dead dog or a single flea? May the Lord therefore judge which of us is right and punish the guilty one. He, meaning God, is my advocate and he will rescue me from your power.
Speaker 2:When David had finished speaking, saul called back is that really you, my son David? Then he began to cry and he said to David you are a better man than I am, for you have repaid me good for evil. Yes, you have been amazingly kind to me today, for when the Lord put you in a place where you could have killed me, you didn't do it. Who else would let his enemy get away when he had him in his power? May the Lord reward you well for this kindness you have shown me today.
Speaker 2:And now I realize that you are surely going to be king and that the kingdom of Israel will flourish under your rule. Now swear to me by the Lord that when that happens, you will not kill my family and destroy my line of descendants. So David promised this to Saul with an oath. Then Saul went home, but David and his men went back to their stronghold, pablo. This story shows that David did forgive Saul for trying to kill him and he was reconciled with Saul. In essence, david forgave Saul and there was some form of reconciliation where they agreed not to kill each other. But David was not restored back into the palace to serve as Saul's assistant again.
Speaker 1:Sounds to me that we, as men, must pray and ask God to help us restore friendships beyond forgiveness, to be true agents of restoration.
Speaker 2:That's so true. Friendships are one of the most treasured possessions we can have. In our years together, you and I have had differences of opinions on various topics, but that has never broken our bond of trust. In John 15, jesus said I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love when you obey my commandments. You remain in my love, just as I obey my Father's commandments and remain in his love. I have told you these things so that you will be filled with my joy. Yes, your joy will overflow. This is my commandment. Love each other in the same way I have loved you.
Speaker 2:Then Jesus tells us that we are his friends. There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you slaves, because a master doesn't confide in his slaves. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn't choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce lasting fruit so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for using my name. This is my command love one another.
Speaker 1:Friendships, like any ongoing partnership, may have a time of misunderstanding that needs forgiveness of the other party. When our standing strong through the storm text, we teach that the meaning of the New Testament word forgive literally means to release, to throw or send away or to free from an obligation. When we learn to free those who have offended us, that is forgive them, we break the chain or cycle of blame, pain, vengeance and violence.
Speaker 2:The Bible does not tell us to go to someone and ask them to forgive us. That's a false teaching. The Bible does teach us that we are to forgive others and then go and actively try to be reconciled with them. Forgiving the person and bringing about reconciliation is what breaks the chain in a broken relationship. The Russian writer Sulsanitsyn believed that the ability to forgive is what truly makes us different from animals. Only humans can perform the most unnatural act of forgiveness that transcends the relentless law of nature. The only thing harder than forgiveness is the alternative, to not forgive. Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, but it clearly is for ourselves as well. God has given us the Holy Spirit to help us forgive one another and, where possible, to reconcile relationships and be restored, unlike the woman on the ferry who Douglas heard saying do you still see so? And so let's hear ourselves answering saying yes, lord, we had a difficult day until we resolved it and restored and mended our friendship To God. Be the glory.
Speaker 1:There you have it, men. Let's keep our friendship with Jesus and our relationships with others pure and strong. Be sure to request a free copy of Dr Jim's chart on forgiveness. Request your copy at menaliveuntogod at gmailcom. That's menaliveuntogod at gmailcom. And when you contact us, remember that Benalive is a listener supported radio program and podcast. We thank you for your encouragement. Menalive is the production of the ministry Go Teach Global. We invite you to come visit us on our website at goteachglobalcom. There you will find background information about Dr Jim and the second page gives you an opportunity to listen to any or all of the many other Menalive recorded programs. You can also help Dr Jim and me to respond to the many requests we receive to teach our seminars in low income areas of the world when opportunities to learn are sometimes limited. You can help us make a difference. Go to goteachglobalcom today. Until next time, I'm Paul Estabrooks, on behalf of Dr Jim Cunningham, encouraging you to become Men Alive, transformed into the character and image of Jesus Christ.
