MEN ALIVE: Jim Cunningham & Paul Estabrooks' Podcast
Programs to help men become transformed to the image (character) of Jesus Christ.
MEN ALIVE: Jim Cunningham & Paul Estabrooks' Podcast
MEN ALIVE 227 - Before Marriage and Remarriage
Navigating the waters of marriage and relationships can be as unpredictable as the sea, but with nearly six decades of experience, Dr. Jim Cunningham and Paul Estabrooks, are here to act as your seasoned navigators. Every man's journey through love and commitment is distinct—whether it's celebrating over half a century with one's sweetheart or embarking on a fresh love after loss. In our heart-to-heart, we unfold the pages of our lives, from the blessings of long-term marriage to the laughter that comes with the quirks of finding the right partner. And for those wondering if there's an ideal age gap for love to flourish, we chuckle about the lack of biblical pointers and share why honouring and understanding your partner, as suggested in 1 Peter 3:7, can steer any couple through the storms of life.
Welcome to Men Alive, a biblical journey to help us conform to the image of Jesus Christ. I'm your host, paul Estabrooks, our teacher. As my longtime friend, dr Jim Cunningham, consultant in adult education, director of Go Teach Global and author of the book Men Alive.
Speaker 2:Pablo, you and I are blessed to still be living with the wife of our youth. You're heading to 59 years with your bride Diane, and I'm approaching 57 years with my angel Rita. Many would consider it a miracle today to be married to one's original spouse for more than 50 years, but every man listening to this program fits into one of three categories Either you are never married, single or currently married husband, or you used to be married and, through divorce or the death of your wife, you are now on your own.
Speaker 1:You and I have male friends in each of these three categories. Some of our single friends are straight as an arrow, masculine to the core but, for whatever reasons, never married, and they listen to this program. So we best be careful what we say about single, never married men.
Speaker 2:Agreed, and we have male friends married to the wife of their youth longer than 60 years. They could write books telling us younger men how to have a fulfilling marriage. Some of them also listen to this program. So we will be cautious about our comments on long term marriages. And we both have male friends who have been married more than once, some more than twice. But rather than having a contest to see which friend remarried the most times, let's just agree remarriages happen and those men also listen to men alive. First a spoiler alert Paul and I are not marriage counselors, so before we begin, let's clarify one thought there does not appear to be a magic formula for how many years there should be between a husband and his wife to have a successful, fulfilling marriage. Some men are many years older than their wife. The biggest gap I know of personally was a husband who was 30 years older than his wife.
Speaker 1:My bride Diane is a bit older than I am. Your angel Rita is younger than you. It varies. There's no rule in scripture regarding the optimum age difference for a successful marriage.
Speaker 2:Time for a quick, humorous story. One North American agency that sends English teachers to teach in other countries had a policy to never place a single male teacher with a single female teacher, unless they were part of a larger team with a married couple. But as it happened, the assigned married couple had to stay in America for family reasons. So the agency thought Well, the single never-married woman is 19 years older than the single never-married man. Ah, they should be okay together. Tick, tick, tick, tick. Three years later, that older single woman is now happily married to the younger single man.
Speaker 1:Never say, never eh.
Speaker 2:Agreed. I've heard some fun thoughts on marriage over the years, often from my wife, rita. Here's a story for the single men listening. To celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary in Scotland, we flew Air Canada to Heathrow, england. We had exceptional service during our Air Canada flight. After one of Rita's classic one-liners. To the steward, we discovered later he had been married more than once. As he began serving us, I said take good care of this lady beside me. She's been married to me for 40 years. 40 years, was his loud exclamation for all around here. Wow, congratulations. I'm coming back later to talk to you so I can get some tips for my marriage. Rita gently reached across to the aisle, touched his arm and, with a warm smile, said I'll give you one tip right now. What's that, he asked? Start with a good wife.
Speaker 1:My bride Diane, agrees with Rita. Proverb says he that finds a wife finds a good thing, to which you and I, jim, could say he who finds a good wife is blessed.
Speaker 2:Pablo, my first marriage counselor was my mother, when I was in high school. I came home one day after an introductory physics class and suggested to my mom that, since a negative force is attracted to a positive force, I should date a girl who is a little on the wild side, not like me, and we will be attracted to each other. My mother wisely and calmly said, jim, find a girl who is as much like you in every way. Her likes, her hobbies, her faith in Jesus Christ, and the fact that she is a girl and you are a boy will be enough of an opposite for you two to be attracted to each other For sure, Jim, you and I both had wonderful, wise mothers.
Speaker 1:Any more thoughts about marriage?
Speaker 2:One more In the touching news. One night we heard of a group of miners trapped in a mine. They had been there for some time when we were running out of oxygen. They estimated they only had about an hour of air left before they would all die. So each man wrote a letter to his wife that would be found. When the rescuers eventually got to them, rita and I turned off the TV and sat there for a moment in silence. Wow, I said that's quite a story. Then I added if you only had an hour left to live, that would be a hard letter to write. So I asked Rita what would you write? Well, that's easy, rita responded.
Speaker 2:I anticipated some romantic response, so I asked OK what would you write if you only had one hour left to live? Her answer With a sma. Here's the name of all the women you do not marry when I'm gone.
Speaker 1:On that humorous note, let me remind you that you're listening to Men Alive, with Dr Jim Cunningham. We invite you to spend some time with us on our website at wwwgoteachglobalcom. Ok, jim, we told single men wanting to get married Start with a good wife. What shall we say about marriage for those men currently married?
Speaker 2:Pablo, the Bible is our marriage manual. First Peter 3.7 says In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God's gift of new life. Treat her as you should, so your prayers will not be hindered. And listen to Ephesians 5.
Speaker 2:Husbands there are told to love their wife as they love their own body. Just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for it so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water, with the word that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless, christ died for the church, so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are parts of his body. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
Speaker 2:Two misunderstandings of Scripture come from this passage. Some wives believe their husband must leave his parents, cleave to her as his new wife and have nothing more to do with his father, mother and family. How spiritually wrong that is. The second misinterpretation is that to respect her husband, the wife must obey every wish of the husband. That's wrong as well. There are some strange beliefs out there, men. Stick to the context of the passage and remember these helpful words. I was wrong, will you forgive?
Speaker 1:me. Let's summarize. For husbands, we are saying honor your wife, so your prayers are not hindered, and love your wife as Christ loved the church. Christ was willing to die for our salvation. He now asks us to love our wives so much that we would be willing not just to die for her but to live for her, till death separates from each other.
Speaker 2:Good summary, Pablo. Our third category is remarriage. This is a huge challenge for men whose first marriage has ended, both for widowers and especially for those who divorce and now want to remarry. When you and I were younger, divorce was considered a biblical no-no by churches and by the government. Adultery was the only grounds for divorce. The laws gradually evolved. In Canada when government leaders said the state has no right in the bedrooms of the nation, they changed the divorce laws to say three years separation as grounds for divorce. In those days, Pablo, I was traveling throughout British Columbia and Alberta training men in a national church program to win and train boys for Christ. I was away from home teaching men between five and ten days a month. When I told Rita about the new government policy that three years absence was grounds for divorce, her quick response was is it cumulative? We both had a laugh. But now divorces can be readily gained for a host of non-biblical reasons and at any age. I heard a sad story one time of a patient in hospital being asked by the staff if she had someone coming to pick her up after the procedure ended. The woman talked about her husband but referred to him in the past tense. So the staff member asked if her husband had died, she told him her husband left her after forty-nine years of marriage and was now living with a younger woman In.
Speaker 2:The epidemic of broken marriages and ruined lives must end. Paul and I are on a mission. We want men to become transformed to the image of Jesus Christ at every stage of life. If you are single, stay pure. Avoid fornication and pornography. Instead, be available to do what God asks you to do. While you are single, Put all your spiritual energy and physical testosterone to use in projects that perhaps no married man could ever do. And if you are married, be wise. Stay in love. Remember what scripture says an adulteress is a deep pit, and those who are under the wrath of God fall into it. Francis Schaefer wrote his classic book how Shall we Then Live Back in the Late 1970s, in which he made the bold suggestion that by the year 2000, many, if not most, marriages that survived over fifty years living together will be Christian marriages. Follow God's path. Husbands, rejoice in the wife of your youth. Go right now and give her a smile and a hug and let her know she is the most important person in your life, and if you do it with flowers, even better.
Speaker 1:Okay, jim, before you get carried away here we have one last group men who are now on their own alone, without the wife of their youth or the woman they used to live with before the divorce. How do we encourage them?
Speaker 2:Friends in that group say stay active, stay connected and avoid addictions caused by loneliness. Whatever group we are in, we need to spend time getting the Bible into our hearts and minds. Our goal, as Brother Andrew used to say, is do it, do the book. Don't just read the Bible or study the Bible, or memorize the Bible, or even teach the Bible. Instead, do the book, do what God commands us to do, even if not culturally acceptable.
Speaker 1:And then, with his warm smile, andrew would look you in the eye and say if you cannot or will not read through the Bible in one year, you are just lazy. Do the book, read through the Bible and let the Bible speak through you in word, thought and action.
Speaker 2:And a closing word for all the women who are listening To the mums. Pray that your sons stay virgins and marry girls who are virgins To the girlfriends and wives. Pray that your husband stays true to God and true to you until we see him face to face.
Speaker 1:There you have it, men. Do the book and stay pure and true, whether single or married. Contact us at menaliveantogodcom that's our email address, menaliveantogodcom and check out our website at goteachglobalcom for more programs and materials. Let us know which program awakened your desire to become more like Jesus. Until next time, I'm Paulist Brooks, on behalf of Dr Jim Cunningham, encouraging you to be men alive, transformed into the image of Jesus Christ.
