10 Tips for Better Writing-Life Balance with Marissa Meyer

Marissa shares her top 10 tips for improving your work-life balance. From starting with a focused to-do list, to reframing goal time frames, to the best way to approach multitasking, and so much more, you’re sure to find something helpful in this practical episode. 

Note: For more writing-specific productivity tips, you can also check out episode 141 where Marissa and Joanne share their favorite productivity hacks. https://www.buzzsprout.com/950767/12094972

168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think, Laura VanderKam https://bookshop.org/a/11756/9781591844105

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Transcript

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Hey everyone. Marissa here. Before we get on with this bonus episode all about the writing life balance, I am super excited to make a very special announcement. We were able to announce last week that the happy writer is becoming a book. Believe it or not, I actually started writing this nonfiction craft slash writing slash lifestyle nonfiction guide even before I started this podcast, before COVID hit, so like five, six years ago. And it has been a labor of love. There is so much of myself in this book, the things that I've learned during my career, and a lot of things that I've taken away from interviewing so many fantastic authors on this podcast, and I cannot wait to finally be able to share it with you. So the book is called the happy get more ideas, write more words, and find more joy. From first draft to publication and beyond. Yeah, it's kind of a mouthful of a title, but it is coming out next January and it is now available for pre order. You can check out the link in our show notes to learn more. And as always, thanks for listening. Hello. Hello and welcome to the happy writer. This is a podcast that aims to bring readers more books to enjoy and to help authors find more joy in their writing. I am your host, Marissa Meyer. Thanks so much for joining me today. What is making me happy this week? This is a good one. I'm so excited. In a couple of days, the girls and I are taking a home school field trip staycation. We are going to be heading a little ways up north, up to Seattle for a few nights. And and over the last few days of this week, we are going to go to the Woodland Park Zoo. We're going to go to the Everett Imagine Children's Museum, the Museum of Pop culture. We might go to the Ballard locks to see, hopefully, some salmon running. I've never actually done that before, but it's been on my bucket list, like, my whole life. And then we are going to go to the launch party for the lovely Martha Brockenbrough's newest book, Future Tense, which is a nonfiction book geared at teenagers, all about the rise of artificial intelligence. I am so looking forward to this trip. I've been planning it for weeks, and I love doing field trips with the girls. I love incorporating really fun outings into our homeschool plan. And this is going to knock off a lot of things that I've wanted to take the girls to for a long time now. And we're just going to kind of do it all in one fell swoop. And of course, we're, like, staying at a best western that has an indoor pool, so that's probably what they're most excited for.

 I am also so looking forward to talking with today's guest. Oh, wait, actually, that's not true. I don't have a guest today. Today it is just me, myself, and I. At the start of this year, Joanne and I were talking about some ways that we wanted to kind of shake up the content here on the Happy Writer podcast. And as I think I mentioned a few episodes back, we're wanting to include more craft focused episodes, more kind of behind the scenes interviews with agents and marketers. And we've got, like, some publicist interviews planned coming up and just kind of talking more about the craft and the writing life, etcetera. So then when we polled you guys, listeners on our Instagram page and asked, you know, specifically what sorts of things would you like us to talk about? Today's topic was one of the most popular. We're going to be talking all about writing life balance. So I'm just going to start by saying I. I don't feel like I have all the answers. I do feel like I am a very productive individual. I always have lots of projects going on, lots of balls in the air, and I do feel like I am very focused and self motivated in all of these things that do kind of help me, I don't know, get a lot done. And I'm always having people ask me, how do you do it? How do you maintain it all? How do you strike this balance? But for me, when you think about this term work life balance or riding life balance or whatever it is, and it's very buzzy, the idea of trying to maintain balance. I think it kind of implies that if you're going to have balance, you're going to equal parts. The different elements of your life, they're going to be divided equally among each other. Equal parts writing, equal parts work or school, equal parts spending time with your family or self care or whatever your life is made up of. And the truth is that it's almost never equal. That's just not how it works. It's going to vary from person to person. And also the amount of time that you spend on any given thing or the amount of energy you devote to any given thing, it's going to change with seasons of your life. You know, if you're in school or you're raising young kids or you're raising teenagers, or maybe your kids are, you're an empty nester, maybe you're retired. I mean, all of these different phases of your life, it's going to significantly change the makeup of your days and your weeks, and how are you managing to balance your life? So, like, just to start, I don't think that the goal should ever be trying to dedicate equal portions of our day to trying to get it all done, fit it all in. I want to, you know, I never have a day where I'm trying to record a podcast episode and write a chapter and do a full school day with my kids and go to the gym and socialize with my family and have a date with my husband and get self care. And I mean, those are all things that are important to me, but trying to fit it all in in order to make yourself feel like, okay, I'm balanced now. I think it's a recipe for disaster. And I think that we will just stress ourselves out even more, maybe even generate some self guilt if we're trying to do all the things all the time equally. So with that in mind, what does balance mean to me? And I recognize it can mean different things to different people. For me, when I think about whether or not I feel balanced in my life, it has much more to do with figuring out what is most important to me right now, what are my priorities, and am I making time for those things? So for me right now, the current stage of my life, generally, we're talking about just two things. Am I making time to write and am I making time to adequately homeschool my kids? And those are kind of the focus, the guideposts of almost any given day. And around those two things, yes, I might work on this podcast. I might do some reading. I might do some gardening, I might work out, I might visit with friends or family or try to keep my house in some sort of decent order. But if I'm not tackling all those things, all those things are secondary to the two main goals. Am I writing, am I moving forward on my writing projects? Am I good on my deadlines? Am I good on my creative goals? And am I homeschooling my kids and making time to do that? Because that's a responsibility that I take really seriously. So that's, that for me. And everything else kind of is secondary to those two main priorities. So that's kind of where I wanted to start this conversation. This episode is by encouraging you if you feel out of balance. 

Step one is to really think about, okay, what are you trying to accomplish, what are your current goals? And then narrow it down. Like, really, you can't do everything all the time. So what are the biggest things, the things that if you can accomplish this one, two, three things on a fairly regular basis, then what are the things that are going to make you feel like, okay, I'm living the life that I want to live. I'm putting my time and my energy into the things that are truly important to me. Okay, so with that in mind, uh, you know, take your time, brainstorm, make a list, do whatever you need to do to kind of figure out what are the, the most important things to you. I'm going to assume if you're listening to this podcast, then, like, writing is maybe one of them, probably, although maybe not. Maybe you think it is. And after you make a list, you realize, you know what? I actually want to focus on some other things instead. And that's cool, too. But with that in mind now, I did put together a list of ten things. Things, tips, suggestions, life hacks. I don't know what really you want to call them, ten tips, I guess things that I do pretty regularly or mindsets that I have when it comes to balance or productivity or just trying to get things done, trying to stay on top of my goals. And so that's what we're going to do. We're going to go through Marissa's top ten list of life balance hacks. Oh, that sounds good. That might be the episode title. All right, let's get started. Number one, the thing that I do almost every day, almost religiously, unless I'm, like, on vacation or sometimes even when I'm on vacation, I might still do this because it's become such a habit, is every morning I look at my to do list, I look at the things that I am hoping to get done that day. And I pick just three because usually I don't know about you. My to do list every morning can sometimes have like 20 to 30 items on them. And productivity experts will tell you, that's terrible, don't do that. I can't help it, but I know it's a very rare day in which I actually tackle every single thing on my list, no matter how hard I try. So instead, I always start the day by narrowing it down. What are the three things? And if I only only get to those three things, I will still end the day feeling like I did what I needed to do and I accomplished what I wanted to accomplish. Again. Usually those have something to do with writing or working on a book project. It's not always writing. It could be reading page proofs, it could be reviewing copy edits, or revising a chapter, or outlining or researching for the next book. But something to move one of my book goals forward. It usually has. If it's a Monday through Friday, it usually relates to homeschool in some way. The third thing, it could be all over the board. If I've got a podcast interview scheduled that day, that's probably my third thing. That's going to be an important priority for me. Otherwise, that third thing might be going to the gym, getting a workout in. That third thing might be going out for drinks with friends. It might be clearing my email inbox. I mean, the third thing could be anything. But that's what I do. I always start by looking at my to do list and determining just three things and making sure that, well, I was going to say making sure that, like my top goals, my top priorities are included in those three things. They almost always are. Because just naturally, those are the things that are most important to me. But honestly, there might be days where I'm like, you know what? To me, what would make me feel really accomplished about today is to take a bath and, uh, I don't know, relax, go see a movie, maybe because you have days like that, too. And of course, that's also about life balance. Sometimes you need a day off and that's fine, too. 

Number two, the second thing that I used to be really bad at, I've gotten a lot better at. I think I could probably still use some work delegating, asking for help, and it's so hard. It is not something I am naturally inclined to do, but it makes such a big difference. I am really super lucky that we live surrounded by grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and friends and people who are always willing to help out with the girls. If I need to spend a day writing, it's really easy for me to find a babysitter, and that's huge. I also have an incredibly supportive husband. He, like, tackles way more of the housework than I do. And also just, like, a million other life things to keep our life running smoothly. If ever I need anything, I can rely on him and I can ask him, and he's always willing to jump in, uh, give me the time that I need. So that's huge. And I know that not everybody has access to a really great social network or support system, but what are some things in your life? Can you afford a house cleaner once a month? Can you, uh, afford someone to come mow your lawn every couple of weeks? I, of course, work with Joanne here on the podcast. She is our podcast administrator, but she is also my author assistant, so she does tons to help me out with running giveaways and taking care of kind of, like, various research things or boring business stuff that is no fun at all. Reviewing my email inbox. I mean, there's so many things that she does that just helps take things off of my plate. Yeah. So, again, I know that this one is not available to everyone, but give it some thought. Who can you ask for help? Can you trade babysitting nights with a friend? Can you? I mean, I don't even know, but what can be delegated? And if something can be delegated, then it really makes a huge difference in freeing up your time and your mental energy to, again, do the things that are actually important to you and to do the things that only you can do. I can't. I can't delegate the writing. I can't delegate being a mom. I can't delegate working out. Like, there's some things that you have to do yourself for everything else. If you can, see if you can get some help. 

Number three, another one that I really used to struggle with, that I've gotten a lot better at saying no. I used to say yes to everything. Sometimes I still say yes to everything, and then I regret it. And then I, like, remind myself, Marissa, you're supposed to be saying no more. It is hard. I'm a people pleaser, and I also. I just like doing stuff. I like being social. I totally have fear of missing out. So, like, if I get invited to a party or an event or a night out with friends, like, I'm always the first one to say yes because I just like doing stuff. And then with promotion tasks. If my publisher wants me to travel and do a book festival, if they want me to write a blog post or respond to a media interview, or, I mean, if someone requests a blurb for their new book coming out, or someone wants me to answer interviews for a thesis, or, I mean, things are just always coming up, and I want to say yes. I always want to say yes. But what I have, over time, come to realize is that, I mean, one, time is finite. Finite, finite, finite. And. And I can't make more of it. And as much as it can seem really easy to think, okay, this is only going to take me half an hour. What's half an hour? I can give half an hour. I've started to recognize that every time I say yes to something, I am effectively saying no to something else. And so these days, if I'm on the fence, if I'm not sure if I want to say yes to something or not, pretty much that's my go to. Okay, if I say yes to this, what am I saying no to? Am I saying no to a half hour of writing time? Am I saying no to a half hour of playing games with my kids? Is it a half hour in which I could be taking care of myself, you know, some self care? What. What is the trade off? Because it. There is always a trade off. And so take a look and see. Is this something that you legitimately want to do? Something that's going to be actually valuable for you or something that you're going to get satisfaction? Maybe it's helping out another person, but, like, that can be great, too. We can get a lot of life satisfaction from being generous with our time. But you do have to stop and really think about that. Make sure that you're not just saying a blanket yes to everything. Make sure that you are doing things that, again, are important to you. 

Number four. Smart multitasking. Now, multitasking is bad. Generally speaking, almost every article you read about being productive or trying to multitask, brain science has shown we are terrible at it. The human brain is not made for multitasking. So it might seem like you can, I don't even know, research and watch tv, watch a documentary for research while some simultaneously reviewing copy edits or something. But your brain is having to do so many mental gymnastics, and things are going to get lost. Things are not going to be computed. You really can only think about one thing at a time. So, generally speaking, I am not an advocate for multitasking. I try not to multitask because we're just not good at it, and it's much more efficient to focus on a task single mindedly for short bursts of time. We're going to come back to that. Not there yet, but trying to do too much at once is problematic. Our brains just don't function that way. That said, I have found that there are certain ways that I can make multitasking work for me. One of them is audiobooks. I love audiobooks. I love that I can listen to an audiobook while I do my housework or while I'm driving and running errands. I can listen to an audiobook while I'm working out. So audiobooks have been a game changer for me since I started listening to them years ago. And honestly, I could not have done this podcast without audiobooks because it's how I get a lot of my podcast reading done. So that's one option. Another thing that I've started doing is if I have to research something, I'll see if there's a way that I can tie it in with homeschool. Lots of times my kids are learning about the same thing that I have to learn about. So it's a great way to kill two birds with 1 st. And then, because I am with the kids like all the time, I've also started keeping kind of a file or a mental list of places that I can take them to where they're having a great time. They're getting in maybe some exercise or some socializing, and I can get some work done. So indoor playgrounds, jump houses, you know, those like little indoor trampoline, bounce house places, things like that. If there's if I can take the girls and they can go off and play and have a great time while I get some work done, to me, that's a great use of my time and a great way to kind of, again, do kill two birds with 1 st. 

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Dot number five. Establish life rhythms that work for you. This one took a lot longer for me to kind of figure out how to implement, and it does change. Like, I think it's important to be flexible and to know that things are going to change with time and life is going to change with time, and that's fine. But establishing life rhythms that work for you. So most of us recognize there's patterns to our day, and that varies by person. I, for a long time, was a morning writer because I was kind of forced to be. I had to be. That was the only time that I knew consistently I was going to have time to myself to get writing done. So I would write from five to seven in the morning before I went off to work or did whatever I had to do that day. I don't really like writing in the morning, though. It's not my preference. I love writing in the evening between like four and seven. That's my sweet spot. Alternatively, there's that lull after lunch from 130 to three. Oh, I'm so tired. From 130 to three. My brain just becomes mush. Trying to write during that hour, hour and a half is terrible. So over time, I've recognized, you know, these, these fluctuations in my energy throughout the day. And so I know, I know when I enjoy doing busy work, I know when I need a break. And maybe those are times when it's good to record a podcast interview, or it's good to read for a while, or it's good to go to the gym or do some house cleaning. And then there's periods of the day when I'm more mentally energized and more creative and more, I can do more better problem solving. And so figuring out these periods of the day and then kind of structuring my day in a way that has a consistent pattern to it so that every day I know, okay, from seven to ten is busy work. From ten to one is school. From one to three is kind of a break. Get some lunch, reset, do whatever I need to do. Three to six is writing time. It does not work out like that every single day. Life throws you curveballs. And again, you have to be flexible sometimes. But I know generally what times of day work best for me to do certain tasks. And so I try to fit the tasks in there whenever I can. 

Number six, piggybacking on the last one, the life rhythms suggestion. Group like tasks together. So once you know, okay, these 2 hours are the best time for me to do busy work. Or this time period is the best time for me to do housework or whatever. Then take a look at your to do list the things that are on your plate right now and group them together. Like, I try to do so in the morning is kind of my busy work time. So that's when I'm answering emails, that's when I'm preparing for podcast interviews, that's when I'm answering any interview questions or media interviews. If I have to write up a newsletter, if I have to post on social media, anything like that, that's when I'm getting that stuff done, when it's time to do school. Okay, now I know this is our, we're going to do our read aloud, we're going to do our book work. If I'm going to do a science experiment with the girls, like whatever it is, then we, we do it at that point in time. If I have errands to run, then I try to group them all together. Like not even just within the course of a day, but within the course of a week or a month. If I have to get errands done, I try to squeeze, squeeze them all into one day and just nail it out. Things like that. So yeah, organize your time. Organize your to do list in a way that when you're chugging through something and plugging along, you can just boom, boom, boom. Get through that list as quickly as possible as opposed to being really scattered with your time and, you know, writing for a little bit and then answering some emails and then calling your mom and then ordering stuff online or like whatever it is. If you have a bunch of online shopping to do, like do it all at once, that sort of thing. 

Number seven, work in focused, short chunks of time. Back to brain science. Our brains don't do well focusing for long periods of time, really, like 45 to 50 minutes max. That's about as long as most of our brains can keep on doing one thing and doing it well. Of course you can push past that, but it starts to decline and taper off. Our creativity, our problem solving, our just everything. We get slower, we get more efficient. So I always, should I say always. I mean, pretty much? Always. I guess there could be times when I'm under a deadline and I don't follow this to a t, but generally speaking, if I'm having a day where I am trying to get a lot of writing done or tackle a big project, I break it up into chunks of time. For me, usually those chunks of time are 30 to 45 minutes of focus followed by maybe a 15 to 20 minutes break. And, and then I kind of go back and forth. I write, let's just use writing as an example because that's, that's usually what I'm doing with my big, focused work days. I will write for 30 to 45 minutes. I set a timer, I focus, I stay focused until the timer goes off, and then I will usually pre plan. What am I going to do on my breaks? Uh, am I going to go do a load of dishes? Am I going to fold some laundry? Am I going to go for a walk? Am I going to, is this my lunch break? You know, whatever it is, what am I going to do during that break? So that when the break comes, I already have a plan. I already know that it's something that I can do in a short period of time. So I'm not going to get distracted and get pulled into some other project that, oh, no. Now it's been 2 hours and I forgot to go back to writing. Um, but also know that I'm not just going to be, you know, draining my energy even further, uh, by, say, checking emails or doing something that, that doesn't invigorate me. So focus chunks of time, set a timer. Don't try to multitask. Um, and then use those breaks wisely to actually take a break. Give yourself that, that mental recess so that you can come back to it and be ready to focus and get those words written. 

Number eight, think in terms of weeks, not days. So this kind of goes back to what I was saying earlier before we got into the list of life tips, life hacks, that, yes, we are all busy. We all have a million things that we are trying to do on any given day. If you don't, you're probably, probably not listening to this episode. This episode is probably not for you if you don't feel like you have so much on your plate at any given time. So for me, I used to try to squeeze it all in if I didn't have a day in which I, you know, cleaned my house and I cooked, you know, a delicious, wholesome meal, and I did the homeschooling and also worked on my book and also went to the gym and also, you know, met up with friends and also took care of my social media platforms or, like, whatever it was. If I wasn't doing all of the things within a day, then I would feel like I was failing in some way. I would feel like I wasn't in balance, like my life balance was out of whack. And then I read the book. Oh, gosh, I should have had this prepared. 168 hours by Laura Vanderkamp. I think Joanne will figure it out. She'll put it in the show notes. And that book talked about thinking not in terms of what you can get done in a day, but rather what can you get done in a week and having kind of this pulled back idea of what you want your life to look like. So if I don't do homeschool one day with the girls, I don't stress about it, because I know here, the next day or some other day this week, it will be a day where I can really focus, and then we'll have a really great homeschool day and get a lot done. If I don't, you know, get through all of my edits one day, I'll think, it's okay, I can book some time with some of my writing friends this weekend, and then I'll have a really great writing day, and I'll be able to kind of get caught up on those goals, things like that. So when I pull back and I look at a whole week, okay, now I can see where I can fit in. Time to do the podcast and time to see my friends or my parents, or time to get the house cleaned up, various things. And know that it's not going to happen every day because it doesn't. It can't. There's not enough time in a single day to do it all. But most weeks, I can find that balance. I can make sure that I'm making progress in all the various areas of my life that are important to me. 

Number nine, relax mindfully. So this is a big one for me, and this is going to look so different for different people. So, like, do what works for you, but also, like, take some time to think. What does work for me. Some examples. So many of us spend. How much time scrolling through social media feeds? How much time do you spend on Instagram or TikTok or Facebook? How much time do you spend watching tv? You know, what? What are the ways that you relax? That you practice self care? And is that how you want to be relaxing? And maybe it is like, that's cool if relaxing to you is, I don't know, binge watching Bridgerton. Cool. Nothing wrong with that. But so often we get into these patterns where it's like, oh, it's 08:00 at night. Now is the time that I turn on the tv or it's my lunch break. Now is the time that I scroll through Instagram or whatever it is, and we don't even think about it anymore. And we may not recognize that this thing that's supposed to be relaxing us or adding to our life satisfaction, improving our life balance, is really not doing anything for us anymore. Relax mindfully. Be really conscientious about your downtime. If you would rather take a bath and read a book, be aware of that and make time to do that. If it's more fulfilling to you to take a long evening walk after dinner, then do that. You know, prioritize that. And if something just isn't working for you anymore, let it go. You don't need to spend your time on that thing. Time is limited. Prioritize you and what you actually need. Don't do something just because it's a habit or it's easy or, you know, this is kind of what you've always done. 

Lastly, number ten, which might be the biggest one. Always save the best for last. Right? Another one that I have struggled with, but I've honestly, at this point in my life, I think that I'm actually there. I think I'm pretty much good at this one anymore. And that is let go of perfection. I'm a perfectionist, or I have been a perfectionist for much of my life. I tend to hold myself to very high standards. I tend to feel like I can do it all. Watch me. No, I can't. I actually can't. And this is. This is what I've learned. And it's taken a long time, but I am definitely at a point in my life where I like, you know what? The house is usually a mess. I think people don't believe me when I say this because they know that I'm essentially a ridiculous overachiever and I don't want to live in a messy house. But you know what? I've got two kids, and we homeschool and have art projects and science projects and legos and things around all the time. All the time. And it's just kind of our lifestyle where things get messy. And I certainly attempt to keep it from being a complete and utter disaster. But you know what? It just is. And I'm okay with that. So let it go. What can you let go of? And this is of course, going to look different for everybody. And there's going to be things that you can't let slide because, like, you don't want to get fired from your job or like, you don't want to fail the school class you're taking or whatever it is. But what can you let go of? Yeah, for me, it's really like the housework is one of the big ones, but also like social activities. Knowing that you can't do all the things all the time and your friends are going to understand, right? They're your friends or your family. If they don't understand, that's a conversation for another day. Can you order out pizza one night a week and kind of let go of that idea of always cooking a gourmet meal or really like, it's okay to have eggs and toast for dinner sometimes with homeschooling. I love to plan fun homeschool activities and study units and all these things, but honestly, sometimes homeschool is okay. Kids, watch this bill nye the science guy video and then leave me alone for the next 3 hours so I can get some work done. Like, there's days like that. Not every day is going to be this just like stellar, wonderfully productive day. And there's going to be things that slide and there's going to be things that just aren't the priority at that on that day and time. And that's okay. It really is. The world is not going to collapse. Your life is not going to fall apart. It's okay to let things go and just know that perfection doesn't really exist. Know that if it seems like someone else has a perfect life, because that's what they always post about on Instagram. They're not showing everything. It's just life is messy sometimes, and we're all doing the best that we can. So let go of perfection, perfectionism, the ridiculous standards that you might be holding yourself to and just know that you are doing your best and you're doing great and things are going to work out. They're going to shake out. Yeah, that's it. That's my thing. Be kind to yourself. Know what's important to you. Try to make consistent progress on the things that are important to you and then let the rest go. And there you have it. My top ten ways to establish a healthier writing life balance. I very much hope that you found these tips helpful. If you did, maybe consider sharing this episode on social media or sending a link to a a fellow writer who you think could also benefit from some of these tips. And as I'm saying that, I'm like, I don't really know how much these really related to writing all that much. It's kind of just life balance in general. So even if you're not a writer, I hope you found these tips helpful. All right, next week, I will be chatting with Kekla Magoon about her new middle grade the secret library. Please don't forget to leave us a rating or a review on your favorite podcast app. And check out our merchandise on Etsy, Instagram, and teepublic. And be sure to follow us on Instagram. Happy writer podcast. Until next time, stay inspired, keep writing, and whatever life throws at you today, I hope that now you're feeling a little bit.