Breaking Free from the Tyranny of To-Dos: Transforming Stress into Joy and Satisfaction

Ever feel like your to-do list is running your life instead of the other way around? This week on the Overwhelm is Optional podcast, we uncover the insidious "circular tyranny" of to-dos—a relentless cycle where tasks seem to endlessly refill, creating a perpetual state of stress and anxiety.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Gentle Rebellion where overwhelm is optional. Hello and welcome to this week's episode of the Overwhelm is Optional podcast. This week I want to talk about the circular tyranny of the to-dos. Do you have a never-ending heavy pressured, scattered and self-refilling to-do list? And by to-do list I mean the lists that are written down and all the other bits floating around in time and space or stuck on your shoulders or somewhere in your solar plexus or your belly, or rushing around your head at four o'clock in the morning? All of it, all of the things that you feel that you have to do, must do, ought to do, dread doing, want to do, long to do, wish so much you could do, wish so much you didn't have to do. All of it. Tyranny of the to-dos this never-ending heavy pressured, scattered, self-refilling list of stuff, life, stuff. So I want to talk about the circular tyranny of that, and this is what I mean. I mean you. Each time you do something, it's either a what's next, or a relief that you never have to do it again, or a relief that it's done for now. So it's either not, not even a pause, it's just and what's next, which makes it never ending, and or it's accompanied by a feeling of oh, thank god, that's done, so that that's just. That's not much fun, is it? That's a tyranny. So all this stuff's pressurizing you're nagging at you and and making your nervous system go into fake high alert not fake high alert, I mean, it's a fake emergency which sends you into a real high alert state, which causes the overwhelm which causes just rubbish. It's just not enough joy with all of that. So that's the tyranny. It's like there's always more to do and there's never any space between, and there's never any time and space to just go. Woohoo, I've done it. There's not enough celebrating.

Speaker 1: 2:20

So this episode is dedicated to a member of the Gentle Rebel community. It was inspired by a coaching session we had a couple of weeks ago. You know who you are. Thank you so much, with so much love for bringing this up. I hope this will help you personally and everybody who listens, for who it resonates. Questions that come up during our community coaching sessions are so awesome. They're so good because these are people who've committed to the Gentle Rebellion, who come together and ask questions, support each other and have a monthly workshop. So we're constantly right at the edge, the cutting edge of the Gentle rebellion, practicing, finding out what's working, scooping up when things aren't working. It's such a joyous place to be and I will be opening the doors again for the first time this year, being part of a small community that comes together to support each other and receive teachings from me once a month.

Speaker 1: 3:28

So once a month a workshop and once a month a group coaching session. And then there's not much pressure. There's not. I was going to say there's not much to it, there's lots to it. It's beautiful to be held in a community and have the support to gently rebel, and it keeps you committed and it keeps you inspired and it's a really beautiful place to be held. What I mean by it's not much not much is that everything is about what's the least amount we can do, so it's not overwhelming by definition. Obviously wouldn't be much good if I had an overwhelming community. So there's not like loads of notifications and you need to do this and you need to do this and all of that jazz. No, it's calm, it's beautiful, it's spacious.

Speaker 1: 4:12

So if you're interested in joining, please do either get in touch with me via the normal channels. I think there's even a text message or something that they've buzzsprout my podcast host has put underneath here, which is very nice. Or you can reach me on LinkedIn or Instagram, or you can email me, heidi, at HeidiMarkcouk, and I would love to hear from you, or just sign up for the Gentle Rebellion or the Gent sorry, a Gently Rebellious. Read my weekly newsletter or the one minute mark or anything, and get on my mailing list, because that's where I'll send things first and it would be lovely to see if it's for you and you'd like to be part of it, because it's such a nice place to be. Okay, so on, with this week, we'd like to break this circle.

Speaker 1: 5:00

So this never ending tyranny of the to-dos. We want to break it because it's not much fun. We want to gently rebel against it because it's just not enough for us. You want more than the tyranny of the to-dos. You want more ease, joy, satisfaction, peace of mind, connection, presence and peace of mind, connection, presence, health, energy, sleep, all of the good things. So, if we think about it this way, everything that's on your list is there for a reason, and one of the main reasons underneath the obvious reasons of life admin has to be done because otherwise life is possibly worse Not always depends on what it is, but I don't want to go into the should you do this or shouldn't you do that?

Speaker 1: 5:49

No, I'm not interested in that. I'm not going to tell you what to do. I'm going to invite you to notice what's behind the reason you do it. So I would argue that everything we do is to change how we feel. So a lot of what we do is to make us feel safer, is to make us feel safer not just now, but in the future. Some of that's really important. But if we're unaware of why we're doing something, then we don't always get the feeling of that. So a lot of what we do might be for joy, but probably not. What we do might be for joy, but probably not.

Speaker 1: 6:27

I'm betting that a lot of your to-do list is driven by fear, because that's the way the human mind works. So I'm going to invite you first to just become aware of how your to-do list feels, how tyrannical it feels at the moment and in general, and then to glance at it and I mean glance at it either metaphorically or the one you've got in front of you and then work out what's the feeling behind it. Are there more things on there that are to do with preventing future disasters or keeping everything running on an even keel, all important obviously. I'm inviting you not to judge your to-do list. I'm inviting you just to get to know it. So, first of all, becoming aware of its massiveness, how scattered it feels, how contained it feels, how good your systems are working for you, how much is just kind of floating around, thought bombing you in the middle of the night, that kind of thing thing. So just become aware of it and then do that neutrally.

Speaker 1: 7:29

So neutrally, notice your tyrannical or not to-do list. So notice, notice all of it and then notice how tyrannical it feels. So does it feel like this never-ending? Yeah, it's always like I've got that done. And now what? Or Are there pauses? How good are you at practicing the pause between and actually getting the feeling of the thing? So everything starts with self-awareness. So just noticing, yeah, I have a lot on my plate and it feels like this. And, just starting from there, whatever it feels like is whatever it feels like, and that's okay, you can only start where you are.

Speaker 1: 8:09

And then, looking at some of the things, just very quickly think well, they're all shoulds, they're all must-haves. I don't really want to do those, but if I don't, rubbish will happen and my life will just get even more complicated. And the things that I long to do aren't even on the list because there's no point, because I've given up trying to fit them in. Or they're on a list, but it's kind of an invisible dream list and it's just. It's this secret, longing for the future, and just notice all of it, because that's really really useful information. So if you just assign a future expected feeling to each item on your visible and invisible to-do list and this doesn't need to be a big deal I don't like to encourage big, huge projects so a big, huge project would be to pick a time because you have loads of time and sit down and write down everything that's in your head and get it out of your head.

Speaker 1: 9:08

Yeah, you could do that that's in your head and get it out of your head. Yeah, you could do that, or not? What I'm really asking and inviting you to do is just raise your level of self-awareness of your tyranny of your to-dos. So notice how big things are, how much of it's captured, how much of it is floating around, being rehearsed in your head or feels like it's affecting your body in some way, and then notice. What's the feeling behind the thing, what is it that you hope will change?

Speaker 1: 9:41

And we don't write things on there because we're like, oh yeah, that's a joy thing, that's a guilt thing, that's a not disappointing others, that's a um house insurance type thing. You know, it's like prevent the prevention of future emergencies, that kind of thing. It's not that we write them with that feeling. They pop up in our mind when we're, especially when we're busy and overwhelmed, we've just been bombed by more and more things to do without any awareness and we just soak it all up. And because we're good at getting stuff done, or we're at least good at accepting things to do, then there is a difference, isn't there? Then it just builds up and up and up and it costs us. It costs us in headspace, in peace of mind and in anxiety and exhaustion and the weight of it on our shoulders, carrying the weight of the world. So just becoming aware of it very gently, but with a lack of judgment, so with curiosity rather than judgment, and just noticing all of it.

Speaker 1: 10:45

What's going on for me? How many of those things that are written down and prioritized are kind of more what we might call negative, but we're trying to do it neutrally, but you know what I mean. So a more fear-driven thing. So what I mean by that is, if they weren't done, you'd feel more than if they are done. Can you see what I mean? So if we're like my accounts, like I don't really want to do them, but I know when I do them I feel good, but the I would say the stronger feeling is the dreading of doing them as opposed to the when they're done, and then I'll have a fleeting delicious. I've done them. Why did I not do them earlier? Because then I wouldn't have had to carry all that. Oh, I should have done them by now feeling. Can you see?

Speaker 1: 11:29

So the they're kind of like an opposite thing, whereas the often smaller list of things that would bring us joy tends to have some longing and excitement but then a bit of struggle. But there is, if we let ourselves dream about it, like we're going on holiday. We get excited about going on holiday and then it's joyful, but unfortunately we then tend to go and what's next? So those two things aren't quite in parallel, because not yet, but they will be. So what we really want to do is look at it all and then say, okay, so, to break this tyranny of the to-do's, where it's just this never-ending either momentary relief and then what's next, or just quite simply the and what's next, and what's next and what's next, over and over and over again. And that's our life. Do it feel slight relief and what's next? Or notice nothing, do it what's next, do it what's next. That's the circle. It's not much fun, is it? So I'm guessing what you really want is some peace of mind, some ease, more joy, more energy, more fun, all the good stuff, right? So here's my suggestion for that.

Speaker 1: 12:46

So, to break the circular tyranny of the to-dos, I invite you to view your to-do list instead as a list of opportunities to celebrate, a list of opportunities to create more peace and joy and ease. So, instead of so the old way of doing it, which would be I do the things I don't want to do, the musts and the shoulds and the heaviness, because otherwise I'm scared, which is what's kind of going on really, isn't it? Instead, we just say okay, so I've got these things on my to-do list. What's the opportunity for some ease here? I think ease is probably the easiest way. Oh, I think ease is the easiest thing, because ease is the opposite of the anxiety of not getting it done. It's the opposite of the pressure of not getting it done. It's the opposite of the must and the shoulds, it's just ease. So the deliberate practice of doing something to gain ease, and then you can move on to joy fun, whatever you want, or start with joy fun, whatever. But I think ease is probably just easier because it is, in general, what we're wanting.

Speaker 1: 14:04

So step one was become aware of what's of your to-do list. Step two is aware of the feelings that you really want from doing those things. And the third one is to reframe it as actually I'm going to deliberately use it to get those feelings that I want. And then the next step is, as you do those things, imagine the feeling that you're going to have when it's done. So that just the starting of it gives you that deliciousness. A bit like when you know you're going to have an ice cream and you're like, oh, I can't wait for that ice cream, which flavor will I have? Start with that.

Speaker 1: 14:41

So the anticipation of the thing being done, step into that feeling. So when it's done, how will you feel? And that gives you a even for the things you don't want to do. It gives you a lift, it gives you a purpose. It gives you anyway, it gives you a nice feeling because you can actually have the feeling of the thing done before doing it and it actually makes it easier to do it anyway then, because when we get out of overwhelm, into ease before we do something difficult and that sounds really hard, but with practice it is definitely possible then it's easier to focus anyway and and the time you can bend time and it just, it just flows much more easily. Yes, even with the horrible things that you have to do or you feel that you have to do. So I'm just going to invite you to play with that idea that you can have the feeling that you want before you start it. If not, if that's too hard, then just step it back a bit, make it even easier, go for the anticipation of how good it's going to feel when that thing's finally off your plate and then, with that, once it's done, even if it's really hard, even if you don't get to maintain that feeling, even if you can't even get an inkling of the damn feeling, this bit is the easiest bit and the most powerful bit.

Speaker 1: 15:58

When you've done each of the things deliberately, feel the sheer relief or the joy or the satisfaction deliberately. And this is celebrating. So we often think celebrating means a meal and champagne or some big deal, but when you're busy it can be really hard to get around to those things. But what if we just celebrate the small things, so that we're always celebrating, you know? So you wake up in the morning, just celebrate being alive or having a good night's sleep or being at home, or the shower works or I don't know like the smallest, smallest thing, that coffee tastes amazing, the train was on time. Like constant celebrating is such a brilliant way to live.

Speaker 1: 16:45

So I invite you to look at your to-dos and each time, instead of going straight to and what's next, go to pause, how does it feel? Embody that feeling. So by that I mean notice the feeling of the relief or the ease or the joy or the satisfaction, whatever it is, and just for a moment, savor that, celebrate it, celebrate yourself for having done the damn thing, and if you practice this over and over again, you'll get more of the ease, the joy, the satisfaction that you want from getting those things done, because everything we do is to change the way we feel. So feel the thing that you got. Feel it, feel that changing feeling. Change your to-do list from a circular tyranny of to-dos into a list of opportunities to feel what you really, really want to feel joy, ease, satisfaction, peace of mind, connection, whatever it is. Ease, satisfaction, peace of mind, connection, whatever it is.