Making the Most of Covid-19: Shooting Your Shot, Lay-offs and Marco Polo

With Covid-19 impacting so many areas of our lives, Kelsey talks about how we can make the most of dating during isolation, how to navigate career uncertainty and gives a few tips on how to stay connected.

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Transcript

Kelsey:   0:00
We're given one chance at the crazy messiness that is life, and we're all doing our best to make the most out of it. Whether we're navigating relationships, dating, our careers, or the ins-and-outs of life, sometimes we need to know that someone else is right there with us. Join me, Kelsey Kruzel, as I share how I'm making the most out of my life, and sharing some of my best stories, lessons, and learnings with all of you. Let's jump in. Hey, everybody, welcome back to episode two of Making the Most. I just want to start by saying thank you. You all have been so amazing. I've had so many people encourage me, reach out, say that they enjoyed the podcast... Thank you to everybody who is listened, who shared, or has told their friends. I am so indebted to you. I could not have imagined a better reception of my first episode. Thank you all. You've really encouraged me to keep going, and it's made me even more excited to get back here and start recording another episode for you. Let's dig in. This week, I wanted to talk about the impact of Coronavirus. Obviously, everyone right now is really, really feeling the impacts of this virus and all of the different ways that it has impacted our lives. Whether it be our careers, our ability to just be with other people, or a host of different ways that this is kind of manifesting itself. I wanted to talk about a couple things today, and I'm excited to dig in and talk about how this is impacting our lives. Let's talk about dating. Coronavirus is definitely messing up some of the dating plans. I had a date set up right before we went on lock down and before things kind of got crazy and we decided not to because of the situation. It's a good call, but it's just one of the many, many ways that truly this isolation and the impacts of this virus have thrown a big wrench in, uh, trying to find love. I just want to first acknowledge, for those of you that are single or dating, this is a weird time. It is, in general, for everybody, it's a very weird time, but there are some particular challenges about trying to date and trying to figure out who your partner could be in the midst of all of this. Whether you were seeing someone, but it's not, maybe not serious enough to be quarantined together, or whether you were getting to know people, or whether you really weren't at that point but wanted to kind of explore, this really kind of throws everything off track and creates a lot of issues that we haven't ever had to navigate. I want to start by acknowledging that, and I want to also acknowledge that it's a really, really hard time to be single. I have noticed that in certain instances, if I'm joining group calls or just face timing with other people, it's hard to see people who are in couples right now. I am someone who is generally really okay and comfortable being single, but it definitely hurts a little more and makes my loneliness feel a little more tangible when everyone else gets to be quarantined with people that they love and it leaves me kind of on my own, so it's just a hard time and I want to just give you that time and let you know that it's okay to be feeling a little more single right now, and it's okay to take an extra moment to grieve and just acknowledge that this is really different, and that it might make things a little bit harder in terms of trying to navigate being single or finding a relationship. But I also wanted to just talk about some of the ways that this can be a blessing, or fun, or just a good opportunity to kind of figure some stuff out. First, I really want to say Beware of the romcoms right now if you are single. I am a huge fan of romcoms. I think they're a great, fun, definitely could be a great little outlet, but just kind of check in with yourself, maybe, before you turn on a romcom if you're feeling the impacts of singleness, just because it can be a really hard thing to see people happy and in love. And one thing that I've even noticed in watching a couple different romcoms is that just seeing people hugging each other is kind of a trigger, because that's something that we can't do right now, and it just feels a little more... I don't know. It's just a little tougher right now, given the situation. Particularly, I watched To All the Boys I've Loved Before 2. Great movie, highly recommended, but maybe watch it with a couple of girlfriends on Netflix virtually, because I--listen. I was crying at every single little--one of the guy said, like, a nice thing and I was like, "Ugh, it's so sweet. Everything's beautiful," so we're just a little extra sensitive at this point. And sometimes a romcom can be a beautiful thing to be like, "Oh, I have so much hope." But it can also be really hard when you are feeling that loneliness to kind of see something that you can't have right now. I want to just put that out there as a little bit of an aside, but just check in with yourself before you maybe watch a bunch of romcoms because the reality is that in general, obviously, romcoms are not super realistic, but even just being able to go on a date is not a prospect right now, at least in person. So just take a breath there, check in with yourself, see how you're doing, maybe watch it with some friends. But I also want to acknowledge that even though this is a point where things are tougher as far as not being able to go on dates or not being able to validate an online connection in real life, one thing I've been thinking about is that, given this time, and given the fact that we're not gonna be able to see each other in person for maybe till the end of the month, maybe for longer, it gives us this opportunity to maybe take a little more risk. First, I want to share a story. As quarantine started and we started to isolate, I noticed that there were a couple different people who started to reach out from my past that I have dated before. And it was a really interesting phenomenon because usually, you know, every once in a while you get someone who will--who maybe you dated before, who will reach out. But I've seen this all over the Internet too, as quarantine started, everyone was like, "Don't text your ex. Beware. Be careful," and I had a few people who had reached out and were trying to play the field again, trying to see if there was an opportunity there. But I actually went on a six-foot social distancing walk with someone that I had been dating back in the summer, who I had ended things with. But time had passed, and some of the issues that I had with him were growth and maturity issues, so I was like, "Yeah, let's give it another shot, totally willing to reconnect and just get to know each other, see where we're at." Even though that opportunity, that relationship, didn't go any further--I kind of affirmed that he was still in a similar place--but I really gave him credit for reaching out again and just trying to give something a shot. And I think that this time is really an opportunity to shoot your shot in a lot of ways because some of the risk that we feel when we're trying to date people is the fear of what will happen if this ends poorly. Like, if we're in a group of friends and this doesn't go well, maybe I reach out and nothing happens, or they reject me, that it makes that awkward when you have to see them again. But the benefit is we don't have to see anybody for a while, so if you reach out and they don't respond, that rejection is still there, and that is still hard. But the other layers of rejection that we have to navigate when we have to see each other often aren't there as much. And you also just have time to kind of explore a little bit and to focus a little bit more on dating right now. So here's my advice there, and I've been thinking a lot about this personally, is giving a little more effort to exploring the Maybes. When I say Maybes, these are the people that maybe you've had some sort of connection with, or you might have a flirtation, or even just an interest in, who maybe it's not been enough of an interest to do anything about it given the potential impact that it might have, but now, maybe you have time and space to explore that Maybe a little more. So  I'm talking people that you're in friend groups with who maybe you were interested in, or somebody who you've met a handful of times who maybe you've been meaning to ask to coffee. This is a great time to just reach out, and one, it's a good opportunity to use the excuse of quarantine to check in on them, but also to reach out and maybe be a little bold and say, "Hey, I would love to get to know you a little more and let's do a virtual coffee date. Let's get together or catch up." So this is the time to take a little extra risk and maybe just reach out to those people that you have been thinking about, or wanting to explore. Everyone has more time, and everyone is feeling some level of loneliness and isolation right now, so people are more open and more willing to take a chance and maybe just have a conversation, and it gives you a chance to explore things and maybe see where things go. I think one other thing that I've been struggling with in the midst of all of this is feeling like my love life is on hold. Feeling like all of my prospects, or all of the chances I had at love in the--in the near term are put off for an indefinite period of time, and that can feel really, really hopeless, and it can be a real struggle to shift our perspective and think of this as really an opportunity to explore those things versus a period of time where we just have to wait. Like a lot of things right now, it might feel like things are on hold. I want to challenge us to flip that script and say, "This is actually an opportunity to take a chance, to use this time to build something, but how we do it has to look different." So, yes, we can't go on dates in the real world, but we can video chat. Yes, we can't figure out a chemistry in person, but we can really get to know somebody on a deeper level right now. Yes, we can't have the experience of being held or having that physical connection, but it gives us this chance to really develop an emotional connection. So shoutout to Love is Blind--if you haven't watched it yet, highly recommend. But maybe this is the chance to figure out if love is blind, and figure out if we can develop these deep emotional connections and explore things in a way that we really weren't able to before. Some of the risk involved in normal dating, and some of the challenges around dating in a normal circumstance, are eliminated right now. So instead of feeling like this is just my life put on hold, and I'm not gonna be able to find someone until all of this is over, let's try and actually think the opposite. Say, "This is actually a great opportunity to explore what's out there, and to build something that has a really strong foundation, and can survive, and create something that lasts in the long term." If I'm charging you with this challenge to go out and figure out and maybe ask someone out virtually or kind of reach out in a way, I figured I should equip you with a couple pickup lines, maybe some quarantine pickup lines. These are a few that I have gotten that I think are particularly enjoyable. My first favorite is, "If the Coronavirus doesn't take you out, can I?" There's definitely got to be a wink in there. Some, maybe, like, a wink emoji--definitely gonna help you out there. And I also love the, "Well, you can't spell quarantine without U. R A. Q. T." Listen, I'm not saying pickup lines are the way to someone's heart, but I'm also not saying they're not. So go out there, give it a try, take a little risk and take advantage of this time we have, and maybe find love. Next topic of conversation. Let's talk about work right now. It is nuts. It is so hard. We're trying to figure out how to work from home. Some of us don't have jobs right now, or are temporarily on furlough, or taking vacation time. Or everybody has different situations right now. And it's just kind of crazy trying to navigate what it looks like to work right now. And there's so much uncertainty about the economy, and our jobs, and security, and what this means for us, but I do really just want to encourage us in this time. And I wanted to talk about, specifically, what being laid off looks like or--and how that really impacts us. So in my career I have had the misfortune of being laid off on two separate occasions. So by the age of 26 I had been laid off twice, so not super common, but--but also given my type of job in social media, I'm kind of the first to go whenever something happens. I know what it feels like to go through this period of uncertainty. And yes, it looks different now than in normal life what it means to be laid off, but there are a lot of similarities. And so I wanted to just share a couple thoughts about what I learned from different layoffs that I experienced. So one of the biggest lessons that I learned in being laid off was that my work doesn't define me, and this concept plays out in a lot of different ways. But personally, I really get a lot of validation from work and from others telling me that I'm doing a good job, or feeling successful, or even just being productive in and of itself. So when I was laid off in both situations, I was stripped of a lot of that validation, and it was really hard because I had to reflect and look inward and say, "Okay, if work doesn't define me, work isn't the thing that is proving how worthwhile I am, or how good I am at something," or even work in a lot of ways was a source of my confidence, and so I had to figure out where those things came from and what I could be rooted in that wasn't work. And for me, my faith is a huge, huge part of that, and my identity being rested fully in Christ is the center of all of that. But it also meant on a really tangible level, figuring out, like, how do I fight some of the lies or the lack of confidence that I'm feeling right now, and give myself some purpose or feel like what I'm doing is significant right now, In the U. S., we just really have this culture of "you are what you do," and in a lot of ways, that has positive benefits. But we are also so much more than what we do, and I think as our nation is going through this crisis, we're really being challenged to think and to look at ourselves as more than just the things that we accomplish, and we're being challenged to look at ourselves and say, "What else do I have to offer to the world if I can't go out and do things?" And am I really happy with myself and who I am?" And "Do I really know the value of me as an individual, outside of what I can do for other people, or what I can accomplish, or the success that I can garner?" That's been a huge challenge for me, and I even see it even though, currently, I have the blessing of still having my job, I'm still seeing my desire to be productive--its reared its head in some ugly ways right now. Like, we're given this time to kind of rest and do other things, and in the first few weeks of isolation, I noticed that kind of went the other side of the spectrum. Instead of resting, I was like, "Great, I have all this time to be productive and do all this stuff." And when I tell you, like, after two weeks, I one night hit a wall and was like, "I am exhausted," I was like, "Why am I exhausted? I have literally not left my house. I have gone for walks and that is it." And I realized it was because I would work all day and then at night I was like, "Okay, I gotta clean the house. I got to do this. I gotta sew these masks, or make this project happen," or, whatever it was, I was still being driven by this mindset of productivity and feeling like in order to take advantage of this time, I had to make stuff happen. And I was getting my worth out of that. And after reflecting, I was really challenged to slow down and say, "Okay, Kelsey, you are getting this extra time to rest and reflect. And yes, you can use some of that to accomplish some of these goals and record some podcast episodes. But let yourself breathe, too. Your whole person is not based on what you can do right now." And on top of that, we're also experiencing trauma. For some of us, you know, it is helpful to do things to cope, but at the same time, we don't want to be productive just to cope with and ignore the reality that this is a time where we're also grieving. All that to say, this is a time where we can challenge our perception of work, and challenge our identity, and where we put our identity, and make sure that it's rooted in things that are really solid and unchangeable, and aren't rooted in things that, at the drop of a hat, can be pulled away. Take pride in the work that you do, but don't make it everything that you are right now. One of the other big lessons I learned in both of my layoffs was that time in between jobs could really be a blessing. There were so many things that, in the normal course of life, I would not have been able to do, or to explore, or to feel, that I was able to explore, feel, and do in that time. For instance, there were a lot of opportunities that I had to volunteer with SLAM, the organization that I mentor kids through. I had time to go serve other people. I also had a lot of time to build relationships and invest in the people that I really care about. That is a huge one right now. We have so much time, and everybody's available, and we have this great opportunity to reach back out to people we haven't talked to in a while, and go deeper with relationships that we currently have, and create just these really strong, fruitful relationships right now, when in the normal course of life it's kind of hard to connect on such a regular basis, or connect at all. That was a huge blessing, and also just the time to explore how I was feeling. I started going to counseling when I got laid off. I started working out more and was really a lot healthier during that time. I got to just rest, but also kind of explore what I wanted and who I was and reflect on the things that were going on in my life in a way that I didn't have as much time to during the normal course of life. So while we want to take advantage of this time, it can really be a blessing. Another great thing to do right now--maybe you were laid off from your job and you don't know if you're gonna be able to go back, or even if you have some time and you're on furlough but were exploring or wanting to explore a new job or new path, this is a great time to take some time and take stock of what you want in your career, and reflect and research what you want to do next. For instance, it's a great time to maybe build a resume website or put together a portfolio. Maybe you want to update your resume. All of those things take a lot of time and fall to the wayside in normal life, but you have some extra time to build that up right now. This could be a great time for you to evaluate--what are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What are the things that really get me going? What organizations would I be passionate about? If you are not feeling totally convinced about the direction of your career right now, this is a great time to take stock and figure out--what should I chase after when jobs are starting to open back up, and when we can start building the economy back up? So take advantage of this time. So even though this is a time of a lot of uncertainty, these layoffs, these furloughs, can really be a great chance for us to redefine how we think about ourselves, to figure out what we want next, and to just take advantage, and use this time in a way differently than we would be able to in the normal course of life. It's heart check time. So obviously one of the biggest things on my heart right now is this Coronavirus situation and isolation. It is definitely weighing on me, and there are good days, there are bad days, but I've been trying to figure out and find some hope in the situation, and figure out how we can shift our perspective, and try and make the most out of the situation, and have a positive outlook. One of the things I've been really, really encouraged by is this idea of this time as a chance to refine ourselves or to be refined by the situation. I think about this both individually, but also at a societal level, that this is a chance for us to look at our world and see what's really working and what's really not. So, the other night I was sitting and spending some time with Jesus, and I, for some reason, opened up Malachi and started reading, and it was a great story, and I was really encouraged by some of the things, but one scripture in particular stood out to me. It talks about, in verse one of chapter three, it says, "I am sending my messenger to prepare the way before me." Then a little bit down, verse two, it says, "For he is like a refiner's fire. And, like fuller so, he will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver. He will purify the descendants of Levi and refine them like gold and silver." So what I love about this is, first of all, this is pointing to Christ. It's talking about how Jesus will come. I think that's perfect timing, given the fact that Easter just happened. But it also talks about how Jesus is coming to refine us. Part of faith is acknowledging that there are parts of us that are really not good, and that those parts of us need to be refined. And I just love this vision of gold and silver are created when you melt away all of the imperfections, and all of the other metal that takes away from the beauty of gold and silver itself. Fire is hot. Melting is not a fun process. Refining is a painful thing. But when I look at our world right now, it really feels like that's what's happening. We are being refined. All of the things that distract us from just being with God, and if you're not a believer, all of the things that distract us from our true worth and distract us from the things that really matter to us, are being taken away right now. We don't have the opportunity to go to work. We don't have the chance to chase down all the crazy things that we would normally.  Comparison is taken out, in a lot of ways, because people aren't out living these lives that we can be jealous of, because we're all doing the same thing. We're all in the same situation for the most part, and we're all experiencing what it's like to have our lives completely changed. And we're all doing it at the same time. And so I think it's this opportunity to say, "Once everything that doesn't matter is stripped away, we can figure out what really matters, and focus our time and our energy into those things." And even those things that we don't have access to right now, like our families, or being close with our friends, we still can have that in different ways. So as a lot of things are taken away, we're able to figure out the things that really, really matter to us--our family, our close friendships, the opportunity to gather and just be close to one another. And it helps us reorient our priorities, and helps us to also focus in and dig in on the parts of our heart that are broken, or unhealthy, or just distracting us from being able to pursue the things that we really desire. C. S. Lewis has this great quote from Mere Christianity that I just thought was so, so beautiful and really applied to this situation and to us right now. So in this quote, he's talking about why we experienced challenge or hardship. And essentially, he's talking about this guy who's complaining about that. What C. S. Lewis says during this is that because of this struggle, because of what he's being faced with, "God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level, and putting him into a situation where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before. It seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means us to be." I think this is so beautiful, because it really just shows that any hardship is really an opportunity for us to become better. It helps to refine us, and helps to melt away all of the things that are standing in the way of who we can really become. And I see that both at an individual level, but also as a society. Right now, we're really clearly able to see where there's Brokenness in our world. We can see the Brokenness of our health care system and our businesses. We can see that the ability for people to get health insurance is tied to employment, and right now that's causing a lot of issues, and it's going to continue to cause a lot of issues as people get laid off. We can also see how fragile our businesses are, and we can see how capitalism often prioritizes profit over people. We can also really clearly see how systematic racism in the United States has led to really damaging and deadly effects for different populations who are minorities and people of color. We can see, here in Chicago, its been really, really evident that people on the South side, on the West side, which, unfortunately, due to segregation and, again, systematic racism in the city, are primarily black and brown communities. We can see that there are significantly more deaths in those areas, and this really points out very, very clearly how there's a strong correlation to health, to poverty, and to racism. And that really challenges us as a nation, and calls out a lot of our shortcomings as a society. And so I think that, coming out of this, it really gives us an opportunity to look at ourselves and say, "What are the things about myself that are not working? What are the parts of me that are not allowing me to become the best that I can be, and become a more gentle person? Become a more loving person, become a more sacrificial person that really values those around me?" It also allows us to focus more on what we truly think is important, and as a society, we're able to see our shortcomings as a nation, and we have the ability at this point to walk away from this and come out of this acknowledging and seeing those things, and being intent upon changing them. In so many ways, this time is so, so hard, but because it's so hard, it's challenging us to really look at this world in a different way, and to look at ourselves in a different way, and I think it's calling us to a higher standard. I read an article by The New York Times and Zeke Emanuel, who is the Vice Provost for Global Initiatives and Director of the Health Care Transformation Institute at the University of Pennsylvania, said this amazing thing that I think is so true, and just really underlines everything that I'm trying to say here. He says, "I have a strange hope: out of all of this pain will come a new context in which America, with all of our divisions, with all of our past, will make some decision about how we restart, that doesn't just accept normalcy." Let's let this time be a time of refining, where we can be stripped of the things that are not good for us and that do not make us a nation that loves and cares for each other, and that focuses on the things that really, really matter. So in this time, let's shift our perspective from seeing this as just this terrible time where we're waiting and things are hopeless, to really seeing hope in the situation, for us to come out of this stronger people, more loving people, and a stronger and better nation that values everyone equally. I think that we can look and see that when we look out and see the emptiness that is all around us. When you see empty streets, that's actually us loving each other so well. It might feel like isolation, but staying home and staying away is actually us demonstrating how much we care about the other. So let's continue to do that. As we move through the season and into the next, let's focus on each other and hold each other close. We have now come to the part of the show for the Millennial Tip of the Week. This Millennial Tip of the Week is all based around how to connect and stay in touch with each other. So I'm gonna recommend two apps here that have been just a great way to connect with others during this time. The first would be Marco Polo. It's a great video chat app where you can record videos of yourself and send them to a group. Everybody can watch at any time that they please, and then send a response. This has been a great way to stay in touch with different groups, stay in touch with individuals, and to just provide updates on what's going on, or how I'm feeling, and be able to connect with each other in that way. One really fun thing that we've done in a couple of the groups is to issue challenges to each other and record ourselves doing these challenges in the chats. That's been such a fun thing to do, and its just a great way to connect and be able to see each other's faces and hear each other talk about what's going on in their lives. The other app that's been really fun is House Party, which is a great app. House Party is another video chat app. The sound quality and the video quality is really good as far as I've experienced. You can invite a lot of people into a room. That room can be open, or you could lock it down if you don't want other people to join, but it's a really fun way to, like, invite different random groups of people together, you can play different games in it--there's, like, a Pictionary, some trivia, which are super super fun--and you can see when people are online, so it's a great thing if you're just kinda bored. Jump in, start talking to people. And it's a great way to stay connected. In general, highly recommend as much as possible, getting face time with people virtually so you're able to see each other's faces, and just know that there are other people who are going through this, too. So that's my Millennial Tip of the Week. All right, guys, that is the end of episode two. We made it. Thank you so much for listening. You can now subscribe to Making the Most on Apple Podcast, Spotify, Stitcher, or wherever else you listen to podcasts. I encourage you to subscribe, rate, and review where you can. As always, you can find me on Instagram @KelsKruzel and see how I'm surviving this quarantine and keeping my spirits up in isolation. Stay safe, wash your hands, and we will keep figuring out how to make the most out of this quarantine. See you next time.