Should Women Ask Men Out, Navigating Political Conversations and Millennial Finance Tips

What does Kelsey think about women asking men out? Check out this episode to hear her thoughts on the subject, plus how we can be informed and navigate political conversations with those who disagree with us. This episode's Millennial Tip of the Week is all about that money, honey! 

Resources mentioned in the episode:
The Skimm: theskimm.com/?r=4CB5X
Mint.com: https://www.mint.com/
Digit App: https://digit.co/

MAKING THE MOST BLOG: https://www.makingthemost.co/

MAKING THE MOST FB: https://www.facebook.com/makingthemostblogger/

KELSEY KRUZEL INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/kelskruzel

MAKING THE MOST EMAIL: makingthemostpod@gmail.com

Transcript

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were given one chance at the crazy messiness that is life, and we're all doing our best to make the most out of it. Whether we're navigating relationships, dating our careers or the ins and outs of life. Sometimes we need to know that someone else is right there with us. Join me, Chelsea Krystle as I share how I'm making the most out of my life and sharing some of my best stories, lessons and learnings with all of you. Let's jump in. Hey, making the most listeners. I'm so excited to jump back in tow. Episode three with You guys can't believe it's already been two weeks. I feel like we're in Justin abyss here, and time is a construct, and we have no idea which way is up, but we're gonna keep moving and we're gonna get through this. And in the meantime, we're gonna talk a little bit about dating this week in dating. We're going to talk about whether or not women can or should ask men. Now, I personally wholeheartedly believe that women should have some advocacy in their own dating life and that they totally have the ability to express interest. Leave your phone number or even take the first step of asking someone out. I have always been proponent of this. A lot of people in my life kind of ask if this is something that they should do and his women. We should have a sense of chasing after what we want and taking the steps necessary to get to a place where we want to be. We'll tell a few fun stories about asking people out how I've done it, why I've done it just to break the ice a little bit. I have always been someone, I think, going back to middle school, who is believed that women could take the first step and my first time that I ever asked someone out. I was in seventh grade, and I had a crush on the guy in my class, and I, like every smart person, does chasing after their dream crush. Ah, in middle school, I wrote him a note, and I may have even legitimately put circle yes or no, and I slipped it into his locker and asked if he would be my boyfriend. And unfortunately, he did not have the maturity to actually respond. Isn't this the most middle school story ever. But even back then I knew that sometimes taking that step with something that you should do, I also knew that it meant potentially getting hurt. But it was worth it to me to put myself out there and see if what I was feeling was going somewhere. This is something that I am a big believer in at a minimum, ladies leaving your numbers for people that you are interested in. And I think that this is something that we can do that is really low risk but just shows that we're interested and allows us to put ourselves out there in a way that doesn't involve a lot of risk. I have left my number for quite a few people over the years. One of my favorite stories was I was in just out of college. We went to see a band play and just want to get drinks it like Bar Louie. There was a great band there, and the lead singer in the band was so, so cute. He had a little tip jar on the floor and I didn't know how it was gonna get up. The nerve to actually go talk to him. So instead, I wrote my number on a piece of paper, fashion it into a little paper Airplane may have gotten some help from some of my guy friends because I am terrible at making paper airplanes. And I wrote I think I named it like the s S Q T or something. Listen, I'm not telling you my game is good. I'm just telling you that I'm putting myself out there. I took that paper airplane and I flew it at that tip jar and it missed, like, terribly, so bad, and some other guy came and grabbed it, looked at it, saw what it waas and actually came over and talked to me. Turns out he was the lead singer's best friend, and I ended up talking to that guy and he was really interesting. But a few hours later, after the Bandon left, I don't think I ever even got up the nerve. Maybe I like said hi to the lead singer, but a few hours later, he sent me a text I didn't ever end up getting doing out with him. It was like 3 a.m. At that time, and I was long asleep, but it just goes to show that Hey, you know, maybe throwing a paper airplane at a tip jar for a band is a good move. You know, another really fun story more recently and maybe a little more practical. I was running a campaign for someone who is running for Alderman. There was this very attractive news reporter that was the communications director. I was telling him when my candidate could speak with him and we just had this little bit of chemistry. He came back throughout the day to check in and report on some different stuff, and by the end of the day, I was like, You know what? I'm going to do something about this. I kind of weaved a work excuse in and said, Hey, can I get your number like, in case I have any news that I need to share with you Our in case we need to get in touch and that we start winning over here, got his number, we texted a little bit about the election, and then eventually we kind of moved into more personal conversations and he was actually someone who was interested in dating me, so you never know. I have left my number on napkins, at restaurants, on receipts for servers. I've asked people for their phones and put my number in. I think that it's something. It's very low risk. Way to say that you're interested and it doesn't involve a lot on your end, and it's usually in situations where you don't know them. You're probably not going to see them again. So it's a great way to just say, Hey, yeah, I'm interested in you. What do you think? And then you don't have to take it too seriously if they don't respond because a lot of times in those situations they could have a girlfriend, they could not be straight or they could just not be interested. But there's less pressure there. When you're just putting yourself out there and leaving your number for people. Highly recommend ladies, leave your numbers for men and men. I suggest that you guys do the same. If you're interested in someone that you have just met and you don't know if you're going to see again, go ask for their number or give them yours. Leave it and whoever's court you want, but I think that's a great way to show your interest in a very low risk. So this question of should women ask men out often comes from a place of Christians who are taught this narrative about men pursuing women and how in a marriage men are supposed to lead and how men are always supposed to be kind of taking the lead in the relationship. So let me clarify there. I think that there is a clear biblical standard. This is a debated conversation about men and women's relationship in a marriage, but I think there is a sense that men are called to lead in that relationship. But that doesn't mean that we, as women, should wait in our tower for our Prince Charming to come and discover us and ask us to throw down our long hair and for him to do the work of scaling the tower. There's a lot of opportunity, especially when we desire a relationship that is reciprocal. Four women to take that first step or makeup first move. It doesn't necessarily mean that we have to always be going out and chasing after men. I don't think that's the call But I do think that if we have something on our hearts, either we have someone that we are really interested in, and we want to express that. There's nothing biblical that says we have to wait until the guy just realizes that were sitting over here dreaming about a future relationship with him. There's a lot to be said for us communicating our feelings and inviting someone into that conversation for a couple reasons. One, we don't have to put it on. Men always be the ones to be risking rejection. I think that's a really, really high call to put on men to have toe, always risk getting hurt. There's rejection involved in dating on every side, and I think as women we can reach out and initiate those steps. And it helps to one give us an understanding in Greece four men who are trying to pursue and trying to ask women out and helps us to understand just what that heart risk looks like from their perspective. But it also allows us to sometimes get through to the men who don't get it, so there are definitely times when women might be interested, but amendment, they're interested in seriously are just oblivious. This is a very real thing, guys. I hope you don't take events to this because some of you are more perceptive than others. But I know for sure that there are quite a few men who just don't totally see what's going on. And as women we really over analyze and think that we're really cryptic like, Oh, I'm gonna like this picture and then two minutes later, like this one, and that means he's gonna know that I love him. Girls, No, that's not gonna happen. So if you really want a guy to know how you feel, I can tell you there's one tried and true way. It's to tell him, say something about how you feel. This doesn't have to mean that you are going out and even asking someone out per se or asking to start a relationship with someone a lot of times the beginning of putting ourselves out there or asking someone out, and a lot of times that is legitimately just us expressing our interest or asking someone out to coffee or asking to get to know them more and just dipping your toe in the water and seeing if it's something that they respond Teoh, because a lot of times we don't have to go the full step of saying, Hey, I'm really interested in you and I want to date you. If your feelings are that far along, then maybe that is the right move to make. But a lot of times, if we're interested in someone, it can very simply be asking to get a cup of coffee or asking to go for a walk or something. I think in this time of Corona virus, it is a little weird or where you can't ask to meet up in person or get coffee or something like that. But there's no harm in asking to face time to see where something could go or to just kind of older, that other person to how you might be interested. I also think that there's a lot to be said for creating a reciprocal dynamic within a relationship from the beginning. Maybe if I'm the one who reaches out and asks him to coffee, then I'm maybe not gonna continue to pursue that and continue to be the one to make the first step every time but I'm gonna hope that if he's interested, he will make the next move. I think there's a lot to be said for back and forth and each person putting in some effort because that is a great foundation for the continuation of your relationship. If you start a relationship and it's all one sided, whether it's BIA's, a woman continually trying to get attention from this person or trying to reach out to them or a man continually trying to pursue, I think to some extent it creates this imbalance of power in the relationship and a relationship should really be this thing where we are both pouring into each other, you're both lifting each other up and you're both taking on some of the risk and the responsibility for creating and growing that relationship. I think it can also really point out any red flags if as a woman you ask someone out or you express your interest and they're so turned off or a polled at your taking any action that they pull back. I think there's a lot of misogyny built into that reaction and that is not someone that you want to pursue to have a relationship with If they can't respect you enough to receive you making that first step practically. Ladies, can you ask my now? Absolutely. I wholeheartedly believe that you can. When I talk about asking someone out again, it doesn't have to be. Hey, will you be my significant other? It can very much be a Siris of different ways of expressing that initial interest, leaving your phone number sliding into those d m's, asking to get a cup of coffee or simply expressing your interests and asking how that other person feels there is definitely risk involved. But I think it's really, really healthy for us to put ourselves out there and understand the burden that we often place on men and expect out of men. I think it leads to these really healthy relationships that are built on a mutual understanding and mutual risk. Time for our heart check. So, believe it or not, our heart check this week is in some ways brought to you by frozen steak. The brand steak, um, has gone on this very interesting Twitter adventure, I would say where they are tweeting about media literacy, science, how vulnerable populations are affected by the spread of misinformation really, really interesting stance for a frozen steak brand to take on Twitter. I saw this tweet earlier this week, and it really got me thinking, because in the midst of this pandemic and everything going on, there's a lot of politics that are weaving their way into how we're handling this Corona virus pandemic. And personally, I am really passionate about politics. It's something that I do really value and think is really important to be informed about. But I also have a lot of friends who are all across the spectrum politically, and there are a lot of hard conversations that I have to have with family members. And in the past few weeks, I've really struggled with how family members or friends are responding to the Corona virus and how politics are being brought into the conversation, whether intentionally or not. I think that this is not something that is unique to me. So I wanted to talk about it, and I've heard this sentiment from some other friends as well, talking about how we over politicized so many things, and we create these narratives that really separate us and divide us and So I just wanted to spend some time breaking this down and talking a little bit about how I processed through a navigate relationships with different people who have really different viewpoints than me. First of all, I would say that it is really, really important to be engaged in politics at some level, whether this means simply being aware of what's going on or being educated about different issues, or whether it's going out and supporting candidates or canvassing for different people or putting your dollars behind certain individuals. It's really important to understand that politics is not something that we can all just ignore, because whether you like it or not, the people that we put into government, the policies that they then choose really affect every single one of us. But they affect some more than others. And I think we have a real responsibility to ourselves and to other people to at least have an awareness of the key issues of the day, the people who were choosing to put into power and just how we engage with others on those topics as well, because whether we like it or not people that we love care about certain issues and certain issues really affect some of the people that we love in different ways. Politics can be difficult to sort through and can involve really hard conversations, and it can be stressful and hard to deal with. But the reality is is that there are so many people who don't have a choice about how politics affect them, and we all in orderto love, others really well should be invested and the things that affect those that we care about. I think one thing to be really aware of in this time and that is a really helpful tool to navigate some of the touchy relationships or difficult conversations is to really look at every political conversation as a nuanced topic. So one thing that the media does really well and that political leaders do really well, is they tend to push us one direction or another. They really seek to rally people around a certain idea, and sometimes that means creating a really strong idea or stance that differs from everybody else. And so this is kind of a factor of the system, but our conversations and how we engage with others don't have to be along those really clear lines or don't have to be buying into stances that are really far away from others. For instance, a lot of the discussions that we're having around Corona virus are kind of falling into these two buckets. You have people who are saying, Hey, we need to go back to work, We need to lift the shelter in place and we need to just resume normal life. And then you have other people are saying everybody needs to stay home and we're gonna be home for months. That separation of those two values and that hardening of those two stances is so unhelpful for so many people on so many levels. What we need to do instead is to take pieces of both arguments and understand the nuance that lies in between. Why are we making shelter in place decisions, what economic factors are at risk and what jobs are at risk? And how is that affecting people? How are vulnerable populations affected? In the midst of this? There are a lot of different things at play in huge conversations like this, and that's true for this situation around Corona virus. But it's true for really anything if we're talking about gun control, if we're talking about health care, if we're talking about immigration, oftentimes we fall into this hard line stance on one side or another, and we don't equip ourselves with the ability, tohave conversations that meet in the middle. And we oftentimes we fall into those clear stance is because we don't want to do the research ourselves to understand the issues and figure out really what we believe about what's going on. So what I found really helpful in having political conversations with those that disagree with me. First of all, I think it's really important. I think we should consistently have conversations with people who don't believe the same things as us. This is so, so important because it allows us to see the other point of view. It keeps us from getting caught in this bubble and pushing out other points of view, and it allows us to connect it the humanity and each other and to see the importance and the value of other people's point of view. A lot of times this is helpful because it allows us to dig deeper and understand the root of what someone believes and often times oftentimes. What I found is when you get down to it, we're starting from the same place. We're starting with the same goal. We both want to protect the people that we love. We both want for other people toe have the quality of life that we have, but we differ on how to get there. And so if you work it back and say OK, fundamentally, we're starting at the same point, then you can have legitimate discourse about how you get to the point that reaches that goal, that you share the best, and that's when you can start having conversations that aren't just guided by this is a liberal theology or this is a conservative approach. You can really say, Hey, what are the points? And a lot of times you might even live in that independent space because you'll find that maybe you agree with some issues or some decisions that liberal policy makers are making, or some that conservative policy makers are making as well. I really encourage you to take the time to stay up to date on what's going on and just have some understanding and set aside some time on a relatively consistent basis toe. Educate yourself or just to be open to hearing about different issues. This doesn't mean that you have to go and spend a ton of time researching and reading all these different points of view. I think it starts with some very simple things. For instance, I read the skim every day. It's a great way it breaks down kind of what's happening in the world every day so that you have an awareness of what's going on. And then you can dig deeper and read into other other things going on. I definitely recommend signing up for New York Times or Washington Post or some other news outlet where you can get push notifications on your phone about what's going on. You don't necessarily have to go and read every single article that comes across because they're her 1,000,000. But it is a good way to kind of stay aware of what's happening. I also really recommend listening to different podcasts on both sides of the aisle that allow you to know what's going on This American life or different publications like the daily on NPR are great ways to get news quickly, and this American life specifically tells a lot of sometimes political stories through a very human lens in general. Opening ourselves up and searching for opportunities to get to know the world better and educate ourselves are really, really key to our ability to engage with other people. Again, it all comes back to our ability to love others. Well, whether that's people like us or people that aren't like us, I also want to throw out to that. We have created this idea that disagreement equals hatred. That's just so not true again. If we come from this place of mutual understanding and love and encouragement for one another, then we can have these political conversations. We can have these harder discussions and disagree and still come back to a place of I love you and I'm here for you, and we might not just agree on this thing. A lot of times what happens in those discussions is you come closer together both because you've walked through a difficult conversation together, but also because you understand more about one another. That's really just helpful in seeing someone fully and being able to know someone really well I would also kind of temper this with saying these air great conversations to be had with people that you know and love versus random strangers on the Internet. A lot of times, discourse on the Internet just gets blown up really quickly, and it's a really, really frustrating place. Toe have conversation because we're not starting from that point of mutual respect, because we don't know the people that were engaging with. So it just becomes this logical political argument which sometimes if you're in the right headspace, are still helpful. But a lot of times can be really frustrating. I think it's also important when you're having discussions with others, toe understand that passion does not equal hatred or riel frustration. When we get excited about something or we're passionate about a topic, someone else feels attacked or defensive, and there are good ways to kind of discuss and fight, even through conversations. But just because someone is passionate does not mean that all of a sudden everyone is mean or this is a mean conversational were being hurtful. We also have to acknowledge that politics for a lot of people comes from a very sensitive place because there personally affected by different policies. For instance, if you're discussing race with someone who is of a different race, a lot of times passion will come through in that argument, and they might get emotional about the conversation that you're having. This isn't them being mean or this isn't somebody creating tension in a relationship unnecessarily. They're just speaking from a place of experience, and we have to give each other that grace personally. We each have topics that we really care about, and we can try and check our emotions and have conversations without a lot of emotion. But at the same time, these are things that are really impactful to people, and so we have to give each other some space to get a little frustrated, and we have to have grace toe walk through that with each other in all of this. I really encourage you to take that step, especially as we have some time right now. If there are certain issues that you really aren't wear of or educated on, listen to a few podcasts, seek out some time to talk with other people or engage or just read some different articles on the topics. I would also add that it's important in all of this to set boundaries for yourself and give grace toe others and yourself. Sometimes I can get really overwhelmed feeling like I have to know everything about everything. And sometimes I can get into discussions and feel really, really stupid when I don't have the answer to something or I don't know something. But give yourself Grace to say it's okay if you don't have all the answers and in the conversation. If you don't know the answer to something, just say I'm not sure I will look into that and get back to you. I would also recommend setting some boundaries with yourself if you do start to feel the impact of some of these political conversations, or even just ingesting the news that's coming out us because a lot of things are heavy to set some boundaries and give yourself some time. So, for instance, maybe you take a week off of just reading any news every once in a while, or maybe you just meet your notifications for a week or take some time to just take a deep breath and build your heart back up to the point where you can handle some of the reality of our world. But unfortunately, this is a heavy world, and readers have to engage and step up to the plate sometimes. But give yourself space to do that in a healthy way. If it does start to affect you mentally or emotionally, take a break, take a step back and don't feel like you are the one who has to solve all of the world's problems. So I did want to really quickly read one of the steak, um, tweets. If you haven't checked it out, I would definitely go follow. It's at stake. Dash, um, em. They have just honestly have been having some really interesting conversations and sharing some great perspectives. So one of their first weeks that they shared was media literacy. In the Internet, age is incredibly difficult to develop. You have to navigate special interest groups. Trolls, adds conspiracies, fake accounts, satire, sensationalism and beyond in order to find credible source material and relevant experts buried under the mess. And I think this is really important to your conversations about politics. Is being media literate on understanding how to identify solid sources and It's also important to know that there is truth out there. I think given the current administration, there's a lot of times this underlying feeling that the media can't be trusted and that there is no truth. But there is still good reporting out there. There are so people doing great things. There are still political leaders who have our best interests at heart. Yes, there are a lot of things complicated by that. But again, if we do the work and have nuanced conversations and understand that everything isn't what we see on its face and are willing to kind of step into the messiness and figure things out for ourselves and have those conversations together, we will push each other closer to truth. And we will find ways to work together versus pulling each other apart as you're digging into things. If you have any specific questions, I personally really love to have conversations about hard things going on or issues facing our nations. If you ever want to talk with someone about anything or want, resource is on how to vote. How did research candidates how to research different issues? Reach out to me, let me know either at my email address, making the most pod at gmail dot com, or feel free to send me a D m on Twitter or Instagram at Coast. Result time for the millennial tip of the week. So we're gonna talk a little bit about finances. This is a great time when we have this time. We're not spending a lot of money. Maybe budgets are kind of tight to really get an understanding of our own finances and to set a budget for ourselves and to set some different financial tools up to save some money and prepare for whatever unknown future that we are walking into. A couple tools that I would really recommend first is mint dot com. It's a great tool that allows you to set up budgets to monitor your different accounts and be able to label your transactions and bucket them appropriately. It's a very user friendly tool. It has changed my life since I actually kind of did the work to set the budget and have figured that out. So definitely recommend checking out mint and setting up a budget is a great time to do it. You've got some time, the other one I would recommend is the digit app. It's a great app that you can set different financial goals and connect it to your checking account or savings account. And it will automatically pull out funds into those different savings goals based on different algorithms and how it impacts your balance. It protects your balance from ever going too low. I have saved so much money for my savings account for specific trips. I've used it for about direct parties, things like that, and I'm currently now using it to hopefully save for buying my own place. At some point in the future, it's kind of a set it and forget it. You could put it aside, and it's just pulling out money so that you are ready to go and have a nice chunk of change set aside for when you need it. Finally, my other millennial tip of the week. If you haven't already, make sure that you start saving for retirement, especially if you're in your twenties, maybe thirties, and you haven't started saving for retirement. You haven't set up those 401 k zor Roth IRAs. Do it now, start setting aside whatever you can I would definitely recommend trying to get to between five and 10% of your income before taxes. Get that into your retirement funds so you can start building interest and see that set aside for your future. If you are coming right out of college or younger, I don't think you have to wait until you're making a lot more money. Start saving right now. Start setting things aside, even if it's like two or 3%. Get in that habit. Start setting that money aside, and what's great about that is when you set it up with your employer. You don't ever see that money in your bank account. And so, personally, I've set it up. So it's pulling that money out ahead of time, and you build an expectation around the paycheck that you receive versus what you get on a salary perspective. So So if you haven't already get that set up, get that going because you will not regret setting that up in 5 10 15 50 years from now, make sure you set future you up for success and put some money in your retirement fund. So those are a couple of my little finance tips. I will not say I'm a financial expert, So go talk to someone who is if you need more help. But mint dot com digit the app and just setting things up for retirement are my three suggestions for how to set yourself up for a successful financial future. All right, team were here. End of Episode three. We did it. I know we talked about some heavy stuff today. Hopefully, we gave you some good tips and you're feeling good about life. Don't forget to rate review and subscribe on whatever channel you're listening. I wanted to give a big shout out to Marissa Stringer, who has been a great adviser as I've built this podcast and who is helping with a lot of the behind the scenes efforts that it takes to make this thing go. So thanks, Marisa. If you have any questions or want to get in touch, follow me on Instagram at Kells Cruz L on Twitter at Kells Cruise. Or send me an email at making the most pod at gmail dot com. As we know, this is a really crazy time. And so take care of yourselves. Wash your hands, keep in touch with the people that you love and keep your head up. We're gonna get through this, and I'm gonna keep bringing you episodes to keep you entertained and hopefully give you a little encouragement, a little challenge and a little laugh. So let's get out there and make the most of our next few weeks see an extent.