Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources

3 Hard Questions Every Youth Pastor Must Ask Themselves Right Now

• Kristen Lascola • Episode 216

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Are you looking to grow the size and health of your youth ministry? Check out
GrowYourYouthMinistry.com *** 3 hard questions that every youth pastor needs to ask themselves! We promise you'll gain deep insights on guarding your personal integrity in the digital age and understand the weight of responsibility that comes with leading others in faith. Our conversation challenges you to reflect on how your private life influences your public persona in youth ministry, and the profound impact that your actions, both online and offline, can have on those who look up to you.

We uncover the critical balance between mission-driven student ministry work and nurturing a personal relationship with God. It's easy for church duties to become consuming, and we stress the necessity of being a worshiper first, not just a worker. We dive into the importance of personal renewal and spiritual growth, ensuring that your connection with God remains vibrant and life-giving. With practical tips on time management and maintaining personal health, we offer guidance on how to sustain an impactful and fulfilling youth ministry journey without succumbing to burnout. Join us for an episode that will inspire you to prioritize your spiritual well-being, both for yourself and those you serve.

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You may also enjoy these episodes:

(#038) How to Plan Your Week in Youth Ministry - Time Management Tips!



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Speaker 1:

Don't forget about the God who sent you on the mission in the first place. You could be so mission focused, which again sounds really good, but have you forgotten about the God who sent you on that mission? Or are you just obsessing about the work in front of you and what you have to do and not even remembering the why anymore? Who we are in our personal life is hugely tied to our public persona as a preacher a teacher, a pastor, a shepherd Our mess-ups have greater impact.

Speaker 2:

They're magnified.

Speaker 1:

Today we're talking about three tough questions that every youth pastor should be asking themselves.

Speaker 2:

Welcome to the Ministry Coach Podcast where every week we give you actionable and practical tips to help you grow your youth ministry. My name is Jeff Laskola and this is Kristen Laskola.

Speaker 1:

And today we are talking about three questions that every youth pastor should be asking themselves all the time, every second of every day.

Speaker 2:

The hard questions.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I would say, today is a little more serious and a little more introspective.

Speaker 2:

I don't think we'll be able to make it a serious. It's a serious sir topic yeah.

Speaker 1:

You know. So number one uh, this is a question that was asked to us, uh, by our one of our senior pastors, slash student ministries pastors, and he said he was talking specifically about what we post on social media. But I'm going to broaden that a little bit to this question. If your life, social media posts, text messages, search histories etc. Were posted up on the screen, Algorithms.

Speaker 1:

Algorithms, very telling, were posted up on the main screen at the main service. Would there be irreparable damage done to you, to your family relationships, to the church, to your ministry? Would you even have a job afterwards? And I think where my mind goes automatically in that question is like, well, I would sure be embarrassed. Like why is my poop green? You know, like Googling something weird, this is a serious topic serious discussion.

Speaker 2:

Well, it could be serious. What if you?

Speaker 1:

have some major disease. But you know, there could be things that are mild embarrassment. Maybe you're like in a little spat with your spouse or something mushy-gushy to your spouse. Like you know, you could be mildly embarrassed. We will recover from that. You know what I mean. Though, like will there be a lot of explaining to do? And the point of the question is to sort of point to your inner life and the way he was saying it is like hey, you know, when we step into a leadership position, by nature we're giving up certain rights to ourselves. So should you be able to post whatever you want? Well, yes, you should. It's your right and it's your account and it's your personal account, it's not your ministry account. But oh, guess what? When you step into a leadership position, especially in ministry, a ministry leadership position, you are forfeiting what is right or what are your rights?

Speaker 1:

in those regards as to not become a stumbling block or create unnecessary barriers or tension to people coming to know the Lord. And is it totally fair? No, it's not totally fair. But he always says his least favorite verse in the Bible is not many of you should become teachers, my dear brothers, but because in doing so you will incur a stricter judgment. And he always says you know, it's not that we're held to a different standard as teachers, yet we're held to the same standard, more strictly. And so we just watch how we live, how we post, how we search, what we do, and our personal life is very tied up in our ministry life and we can't really separate the two and we're going to talk more about that in a little bit when we do need to separate the two.

Speaker 1:

But who we are in our personal life is hugely tied to our public persona as a preacher a teacher, a pastor, a shepherd, small group leader of youth, volunteer, whatever you are, the moment we step into that leadership position, we need to watch the way that. I mean every Christian should. Of course, you know this is not oh, everyone can sin, except for leaders, but our mess ups have greater impact.

Speaker 2:

They're magnified.

Speaker 1:

They are and they cause people to stumble. You know, like if someone who's just in your Bible study uh, messes up, has some moral failure, it messes spiritually. It's like dang bummer. Let's walk you through that. But when your leader, when your pastor, when your teacher, when someone in a high position falls, they fall further and it has greater impact and it shakes people and it shakes their faith more of just like oh my gosh, this is someone I really looked up to because, they didn't see them as a peer, they saw them as someone who was leading the way, like the follow me as I follow Christ, you know.

Speaker 1:

And it does sting more. I don't think we're here to debate whether it should or shouldn't, it just does, and we all know that. You know, when your brother or sister fail, as opposed to your mom or dad failing, like it just feels different.

Speaker 1:

It hits different. So, just like I guess, do an audit and inventory of if somebody like I like to do this experiment with students sometimes when I'm speaking, and I'll say okay, everyone, take out your phone Now, pass it to the person to your right and just sit in that for a minute. And they don't even have the password, they're not even open to it and they're uncomfortable and I'm like, how weird does this feel?

Speaker 1:

Okay, now pass it down again. Oh, it's even further away from you. What's going on down there? Are you getting a text message or something as a notification coming through? What's on your home screen? You know?

Speaker 1:

I said, imagine if I were to say unlock it and send it. Could you really stand there and, in that same idea, like, think about if your senior pastor or a youth group kid or a parent of a youth group kid were to get free reign of your phone, free reign of your computer, free reign of your search history, like you said, your algorithm, your text history, your hidden app history, your credit card statement, I don't know. Would you be able to be like, yeah, maybe there's a couple embarrassing searches, health related, but nothing I'm not going to recover from. And I think that's a very sobering question for every youth pastor, because I mean, if we're being really honest, that stuff is all open, naked there, because God knows, you know, so you're not really outrunning anybody, and that stuff usually comes out or catches up with us in one way or another. So be careful how we walk, especially as leaders.

Speaker 2:

I've really yeah, I've taken a. I guess my social media is a lot, or how I interact on social media now, compared to maybe 10 years ago, is vastly different in how I think, like I used to, you know, love to engage in a good political argument or, you know, even things like sports related. You know, like just kind of maybe it was all lighthearted, but getting into it with people, I've just kind of completely cut that out and I feel like I'm a happier person because of it. I realized it didn't really get anywhere and that's just me. I'm not saying prescribing that for anybody else, but personally I just feel like it's just I leave that stuff for other places.

Speaker 1:

Well, yeah, and it doesn't like you said. It doesn't gain you anything, but it might lose you a whole lot.

Speaker 2:

You know, rarely does anyone, because how often you see other people doing it and you think worse of them.

Speaker 1:

You do, and you don't win anyone over like nobody concedes the point, like you're right. Oh, the Bengals are the worst team in the NFL no, they're like third or fourth worst right.

Speaker 2:

They'll get there though.

Speaker 1:

Fingers crossed, okay. Number two do you love God or church more? And I think so. I was listening to a Craig Groeschel sermon the other day and he was talking about his burnout season. I feel like every pastor who's been in ministry for over 15 years has their burnout story and he was sharing about his. And he said you know, the only thing on my mind all the time was church, church, church, church, church. And he's like, at first that sounds like a really good thing, he's like but church and God are not the same thing.

Speaker 1:

It was like work, work, work, work, work. And he was like obsessed with it and so immersed in it. Every thought, every action, it was all centered around church, church, church and work and doing this and getting that and figuring this out and solving this problem and moving ahead. And it became like the question I was kind of walking away with was don't forget about the God who sent you on the mission in the first place.

Speaker 1:

Like you could be so mission focused, which again sounds really good, but have you forgotten about the God who sent you on that? Mission in the first place? Or are you just obsessing about the work in front of you and what you have to do and getting ahead and figuring this out? And I mean, I've seen people in ministry, as I'm sure you all have become extreme workaholics, very unhealthy and not even remembering the why anymore of just like I feel like they lost the God in the God work.

Speaker 1:

It's like it's so ironic. It's like you're doing it for him but he's not a part of anything you're doing. You know you've turned this gift of ministry and this entrustment and the stewardship into a very, very unhealthy, me focused workaholism, a road to burnout kind of thing, and you know we're talking about how you need to be careful because you are your ministry and it sounds so weird to say this in the next breath but also remembering you are more than what you do. You know what I mean. Like your character and your ministry are very closely tied. You can't do ministry effectively for very long with a horrible character. However, you are more than a pastor. You are more than a leader. You are more than a small group leader. Like you also have a relationship with God. That is just yours.

Speaker 1:

Like it's you and God at the end of the day, not your performance in the church world. You're not a performer, you are a worshiper. And so you know, remembering that first and foremost of don't forget God amongst the mission, it's like sounds so obvious, but I always think of that verse where those people are like Lord, lord, you know, did we not do many?

Speaker 1:

miracles in your name and you know it was kind of like hey, we showed up, we did what like we thought was religion, and you know we did some of the work. And he says I never knew you. And like I don't know, like that's just one of the most spine tingling, tragic verses ever. To think that he could just look at people who thought they were doing the mission but forgot God in the mission.

Speaker 1:

They never knew him, they were just kind of like doing the stuff, and I think that's a really sobering passage, um, because it wasn't like they were atheists. You know, I think we always think, like you know, we're safe as long as we have like belief, you know, and it's just this idea of like you've got to know him, not just know about him and give a nod and, you know, attend and do a few little things, but like do we know him? So don't get so lost in church world that you actually forget to follow God yourself. And I think that hit I mean, that hits me in different ways throughout the years, but I rarely get to go to church, if ever. And I went to this worship service a few weeks ago probably a few months ago now time flies and I was sitting there and I was worshiping and I was listening to the words and I was kind of journaling things that I thought God was telling me in the moment because I didn't want to forget it.

Speaker 1:

And I feel like one thing he was saying is you're so used to presenting the gospel for other people, don't forget the gospels for you too. And like I know the gospel, it wasn't like I was like, oh yes, jesus Christ isn't my Lord and savior. I don't mean the gospel in that sense, but that like renewal, like Eucharist, of continually receiving the gift of the gospel in your own life and in present time, interacting with the gospel, interacting with it, receiving it over and over and over and over again. And I realized I'm always giving it to other people, I'm always presenting it to other people, but I need to remember the gospel is for me. I realized I'm always giving it to other people, I'm always presenting it to other people, but I need to remember the gospel is for me too. I'm always presenting worship for other people, but worship is for me too. I'm always presenting the word for other people, but the word is for me too.

Speaker 1:

And so, being a worshiper yourself, receiving the gospel yourself, having a dynamic relationship with god yourself and pouring out of that overflow rather than just being like a church bot like I am a church bot and I will give you a great service, you know, because it is so robotic at that point I've heard people say for years and years and years like is the only time you're in the word when you're preparing a message and kind of like, almost like this guilting like of oh no, I only did it for work.

Speaker 1:

Yet the richest times I ever have with the Holy Spirit is either right before I get on stage and I'm like show up, show up, show up and. Or when I'm studying, like connect these dots, why, what am I missing? I can't teach this. These are just words on a page, like please, like hit it home for me. And those are the times where I feel like, yes, I'm going to present it for other people, but it's like, oh, I see it now. You know when it's these rich times for myself too. So I'm not saying like, oh, you know, just preparing doesn't count as Bible study for yourself. It for sure does I grow closer to the Lord. And those times, more than any times, because I'm desperate, but also I need to remember like, okay, you're presenting it, but it's for you too, the gospel's for you, worship's for you.

Speaker 2:

Isn't there a statistic that says you will remember 90% of what you teach somebody else?

Speaker 1:

And they say your audience only remembers 10%. So yeah I, I learned so much through my own study, prep delivery, all of that. So yeah, okay. Uh, number three, this one, I don't know Am I cheating the church? Not cheating on the church, but cheating the church. So our senior pastor says this he's like if you're working like 60 hours a week, you're probably cheating your family, but if you're only working, 30 hours a week.

Speaker 2:

you're probably cheating the church and being those part timers you out there like woohoo, I'm getting it done.

Speaker 1:

Yes, Well, I guess I'm talking to a full time youth pastor or allotted time.

Speaker 2:

Youth Plug in those numbers are arbitrary.

Speaker 1:

I mean, plug it in for what makes sense for your context. But he always says the Bible has a lot to say about laziness and none of it is good. So obviously we were just talking about don't become this workaholic church bot. But then some people really struggle with not really honoring the tithes of the people who pay your paycheck. You know, if they knew? So, going back to kind of our first example of like everything being up on the screen, if the way you spent your time was up on the screen and everyone got to see your time audit and then they got to decide if they'd like to continue to tithe to this church to pay your salary, you know what would that look like? Would you be able to?

Speaker 2:

or if you were paid only off of your working time, like and not if you're, it's for those you are salaried, obviously.

Speaker 1:

But yeah, if you're like, I'm salaried for 40 hours a week, but I only put in 30 hours a week, you know obviously we would never say I want to cheat the church on purpose, but some of us, I think we would say I feel so overwhelmed, I feel overworked, I'm overburdened. If that is, you maybe do a time audit where you just like for two weeks, like write down how you're spending your time, and you might find that you just need to adjust your time management.

Speaker 1:

And it's not so much, you have too much work to do, it's just that it's not getting done. Like are you going out to lunch for an hour and a half or two hours every day.

Speaker 1:

Are you chit chatting all the time? Not that people aren't really important, we need to make time for that but is that taking up hours and hours of your work? So is it truly I have too much to do or is it just that I don't know how to manage my time well, to give myself margin and stuff like that? Something else that has come out of this conversation is sometimes you have a lower capacity because you're not high in health, so what you can handle is very small because you're not healthy. Whether you're not healthy physically. Honestly, I feel like physical health and your work life are very intertwined. Your emotional state, you kind of wear on your body. You know like the way that you can feel and operate and what you can handle. A lot of it is wrapped up in our physicality. So are we taking care of ourselves? Do we have the endurance? Do we have the capacity?

Speaker 1:

You know things like our emotional health like is there something amiss, like in our relationships that is making our capacity smaller, something in our mental health that is making our capacity smaller, like all those things kind of take away and start to make us feel overwhelmed, when it's not really the work that's overwhelming, it's just we don't feel good like you don't feel good physically, mentally, emotionally, maybe even spiritually, to where everything feels overwhelming and a chore.

Speaker 1:

and I can't because we're. We're low, low, low on health and that makes us low, low, low in capacity. But we can be higher in capacity when we're higher in health and so it's so important, like again going back to the idea of like we are important, because the ministry extends from us all that to say like working hard and being productive are spiritual, especially when it comes to ministry work because, our paychecks and this is always a very sobering thought.

Speaker 1:

It might've been so hard for them to give 10% that month. You know of like, I'm going to be faithful, I'm going to give, I'm going to trust that God's going to provide. And if it's hard for someone to give their tithes in 10% and they're believing in what the church is doing I want to make them know that that was like. You have to be obedient to God, regardless of what I do.

Speaker 1:

It's not about that but it gives me this extra push to be obedient to God regardless of what I do. You know it's not about that, but it it gives me this extra push to be like all right, I'm going to make you proud. If you were to see my time audit, you'd be like yes, I'm glad to raise.

Speaker 1:

Yes, but I would want them to say like to their spouse, like that was money well spent because of this kingdom work that's happening. Or wow, this couldn't happen without her or she's putting in the extra time and effort to make this program incredible and love our kids and teach our kids and create health. And you know, like, not just like well, it's kind of meh, but it is what it is, you know.

Speaker 1:

I want them to say, dang, like we would support anything that you guys would do, because we see the fruit from this yeah and when you start to look at it like that, you kind of do check yourself of like, oh, am I productive, am I good worker, am?

Speaker 2:

I did their tithes, just pay for me to google the name of that actor in that movie that I couldn't remember. And what are they doing now and have what's what's their wikipedia look like, not speaking from experience sounds a little sus to me jeff, but I'm my own worst enemy, you know I'll kind of close with this of just the job you're doing now.

Speaker 1:

That is the resume for whatever you're going to do in the future. I'm not going to say like for your next big step, I don't know what your next step is. Maybe you're going to be here forever In a good way.

Speaker 1:

In a good way, A life sentence in a good way. But like you think of David right, and what he did in his shepherding days, these little tasks that seemed insignificant. They were really a part of his resume for the plan that God had next. You know, his dad didn't even believe in him enough to put him in the lineup. When Nathan came by to pick like the next leader, it was like okay, here's my son. He's like don't you have another one, and he's jesse's, like david shmavid like you're not missing much and it's crazy I mean a how hurtful uh

Speaker 1:

like you don't even count, but also like all these little things he did faithfully were a resume for what he was going to do in the future. And I guess, look at your position like that, don't look at it as a stepping stone, but rather a resume, like if you're not even faithful with the 40 hours that you've been given or the ministry you've been given, the team you've been given, the students, the leaders, the family you've been charged with to oversee, if you're botching this resume, then I'm not God so I can't speak for him. But he does say those who are faithful with a little, show me they can be faithful with a lot. And we see that pattern. You know it's just like what are you faithful with? That's within your control? That is the resume for what is to come in the future.

Speaker 2:

So just jumping off this specific point of the three you talked about, we do have an episode all about time management skills, so make sure you guys check that out. If you're looking for more ways to help with that right now, let's do a question of the day. This is we're in October. Halloween's coming up, so what is the costume that you once had that people had no idea what you were or consistently got wrong?

Speaker 1:

uh well, they didn't know what I was or who I was, so I went to a christian school, so we didn't celebrate halloween, jeff we had the fall, the fall harvest festival yes, and it was a good time, and I couldn't really. Just so happens that we wear costumes like oh my gosh, and yeah very similar to halloween, but not the same.

Speaker 1:

Okay, there's a very distinct difference. So I didn't know what to be. So I went in my dad's closet and I got like a oversized polo shirt I tucked all my hair up into like a newsboy cap okay, and then? I put on the, you know, the glasses with the mustache and the nose yeah and then I put a post-it note on my shirt that said janitor jones, as, and I carried a broom around it's very specific.

Speaker 1:

That's easy to tell what you were I mean, until I saw the sticky note, nobody really knew what I was and because I was in disguise, no one knew who I was. So I was just going up to people like waving and they're like, oh my gosh, I think I was in like sixth grade, it was.

Speaker 2:

It was awkward um, mine was when I was really little I was probably five or six and my mom had made me. My mom used to make most of my costumes. Most of them were actually really good, but this one year she had tried to make me um, be et and so many people you just like wrapped in a towel no, like it was. It was a pattern, I guess, that she used, and it was like um that's a thing.

Speaker 1:

Oh, you mean like when he had like yeah, that probably would have made more sense.

Speaker 2:

No, I was like, yeah, I was just as easy with, like the red finger. It didn't glow, but and most people thought I was a monkey and like we're impressed at this monkey costume and like people would invite me, like I mean, my parents were there, it's not creepy, but they'd invite me to their house, like oh my gosh, sure, this monkey and I don't think I ever corrected them, but yeah.

Speaker 1:

Did it have ears? No, I don't think so I was going to say so. You were an earless monkey and you didn't have a tail, so I don't know. You were just brown and kind of wrinkly and I had like his heart which was not glowing, but like a heart.

Speaker 2:

I don't know, it was that far off, I guess, but we laughed about that for many years.

Speaker 1:

I've never heard this story. That's funny and I've been married to you for 13 years.

Speaker 2:

Put in the comment section below if you guys ever had a costume that people had no idea what you were or maybe confused it with something else. We're gonna do a community comment of the day and then we'll call it a day. This comes from sharday ransom, who said amen, this was so good and so encouraging for me. Thank you for the work you guys do, and this came from the episode how to create a healthy worship culture in youth ministry.

Speaker 1:

You're welcome, Sade.

Speaker 2:

Thank you so much Appreciate that and thank you guys for watching and listening and we'll see you next time.

Speaker 1:

Today we're talking. Today we're talking about three questions that every youth pastor should definitely be asking themselves.

Speaker 2:

To help you fast track the growth and health of your youth ministry. My name is Jeff Laskola and this is Chris Laskola.

Speaker 1:

You of your youth ministry. My name is Jeff Laskola and this is Chris Laskola. You said frass track.

Speaker 2:

Do you?

Speaker 1:

like it.